In this bonus episode, we dive into the realm of negative self talk. Join us as we explore some examples of negative inner dialogues many of us experience. We also discuss a method to identify and reprogram these thoughts.
Tune in to discover practical strategies for transforming your self talk and fostering a more positive and compassionate mindset.
email: FlippedMindsetPodcast@gmail.com
Facebook: Flipped Mindset Podcast
In this bonus episode, we dive into the realm of negative self talk. Join us as we explore some examples of negative inner dialogues many of us experience. We also discuss a method to identify and reprogram these thoughts.
Tune in to discover practical strategies for transforming your self talk and fostering a more positive and compassionate mindset.
email: FlippedMindsetPodcast@gmail.com
Facebook: Flipped Mindset Podcast
Welcome to the flipped mindset podcast. Hi, I'm Janet and I'm Brenda. Welcome to our podcast where we're being wonderfully weird and brave All right.
Speaker 1:welcome to this. This is a bonus episode. I decided that we needed to do a bonus. So last time we were talking about self talk, self love and self talk. So it was more about why it was important for us to be very careful on the way we talked to ourselves. And now I want to kind of go more into the how part of it. But I think sometimes we get that where we want to make changes but we just don't know how. Like I think I was saying the whole thing and, like you know, I want to work out, I want to make muscle, I want to build muscles, but I don't know how. So I have to go to the gym and get a trainer or somebody to show me the how part. So I think that's what this is about.
Speaker 2:Yes, I think that's a good analogy is like you know, you walk into a gym and you think well, I mean, there's all kinds of equipment to do, but where do I start, where do I begin? And so, yeah, it can be overwhelming and negative self talk is not necessarily the easiest thing to pick out. The big things are like we talked about. Yeah, but there are things that yeah, so yeah so that's what I wanted to go through.
Speaker 1:You're right, yeah, so we're going to. We're going to talk about. I've got some different kinds of examples that can kind of show you where the negative self talk is. As we go through this, we'll show some examples and then I'm going to go through a kind of like. Once you can identify, that's really the biggest step is identifying the negative self talk.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:And then I'm going to talk about some steps in a ways that we can then change that negative self, talk to positive, yes, something positive and kind of. And then, once you start doing this exercise and start doing it over and over again, you will start stopping yourself, you'll start hearing those words, or start, you know noticing them. So do you have anything before we start before? I start class.
Speaker 2:No.
Speaker 1:All right so. So as I went through this I got I actually asked some people to give me some examples of their negative self talk, so I was able to get a bunch of different, different examples and as I started working through this I started noticing I came up with about seven different kinds of examples. These are examples. There's definitely more, but everything kind of falls into a category. So we'll start with all inclusive words. So these are the never always all nothing. Everyone know one. So you know, it's this all inclusive. There's a second part to this. I'll get to that in a second, but these are. These become very defensive words and in a way, to deflect. So this is like everybody hates me.
Speaker 2:Yes.
Speaker 1:Right. Does everybody really hate you? Is that really like a true statement you don't know, you haven't met everybody, nobody cares, does really, does nobody care? Or is it just that you feel like nobody cares? So those are the things you really want to be careful of Like. If you're ever doing this all or nothing kind of thinking, you need to stop it, because that is, you know, usually defensive and deflective. Sometimes it's even like there's some insecurity in there. It allows you not to have to like well, if nobody cares, I don't have to do anything yes.
Speaker 1:Yeah Right, if everybody hates me, then I don't have to change.
Speaker 2:That's right.
Speaker 1:Right, so it kind of like lets us kind of an excuse can become like I don't have to do anything, right, I'm never going to, I'll never have the job I want, right, those things shut everything down. That's why it's defensive, reflective. It's you know, it stops that thinking. It stops any type of opportunities that come around. There's another part of this that I think that is a little more freaky. They can become a little a covert it's the that's just how I am, I was raised this way, right. So those are ways that again like and this becomes tricky because sometimes there is parts of you that that's the way you are. But when you just say most of the time, when people say that's just how I am, it's like that's the behavior I'm gonna exhibit, no matter what, because that's just who I am. It doesn't allow us to be open, it shuts us down and it sticks us in our spot, exactly where we're at.
Speaker 2:And it's basically telling other people expect that behavior from me and don't hold to be accountable for it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm not gonna be accountable for it, I'm not gonna change, I'm not gonna do that. So those are things to be like when you start hearing these things, and we'll talk in a little bit on what you do afterwards. So this one, I know you like this one don't shoot on yourself. Yes, okay. So this is the should and the need. So again, the shoulds and needs that you're kind of setting a rule for yourself.
Speaker 1:So these ones, sometimes you set yourself up for failure and allow the shame and the guilt to come in down the road. So let me give an example of this. It's like I should get up in the morning and work out. I should get up in the morning and meditate. Now take a minute and feel how those words feel. Or I need to get up in the morning. Like I know for me, I'm not a morning person. I have already feeling bad because I already know I'm gonna let myself down, but I'm already starting to feel the shame, and so when I don't get up in the morning, I'm gonna feel bad about it and I'm gonna be like I should've got up.
Speaker 2:You're setting yourself up for failure.
Speaker 1:You're setting yourself up for failure. So instead, on those things, we can turn them around and we'll talk about this in a minute as well. But like so the shoulds and the needs, be nice to yourself. So think of things like well, I will get up in the morning because I want to, I'm gonna try to get up in the morning to take care of this, like, turn it into positive and be nice. Just think about how that feels differently. Like if I say I'm gonna try to get up in the morning, or I'm not a morning person, so I'm gonna do it at a later, like in the afternoon, I'm gonna set aside time, right, like setting yourself up for success instead of failure, and just feel the difference in that.
Speaker 1:Now there are things like that I want to say on like the I needs. There are rules like I need to brush my teeth. Like that's a fact. Right, it's a fact, I need to brush my teeth Okay. But if you're having to tell yourself over and over I need to brush my teeth, I need to brush my teeth, and you're not brushing your teeth, then you need to like you need to evaluate. So anytime you hear those I should, I need evaluate it. Sometimes it's, it is supposed to be that way, but sometimes there's something underlying. It's just a way to kind of like, if I start hearing, if I start hearing somebody say I should, I automatically, like start looking at it. If I I'll do it to myself, I should do this. Wait, hold on. I'm just making that pause and knowing what it is.
Speaker 1:The other one is don't, won't, can't. So these ones tend to be a little bit more fear-based. So if you think about like somebody goes I don't know, well, they probably do know, but they're afraid to speak up because they're afraid to say what they know, because they're afraid of being wrong, they're afraid of being rejected, they're afraid of not being, you know, fitting in, whatever the case may be. So if you're saying those things, I don't want to do that because you know it's too hard, right, that's so open-ended. You're shutting it down, you're not allowing, you're not allowing anything to happen. You're just shutting everything down, right?
Speaker 1:So feel how? That I don't. You know it's too hard, I'm not going to do it, right? So even if there's something that you don't want to do, you can make the choice. Like I choose not to do this task. It doesn't seem like something that I would like to do, like just think about how different that is. So you're like I'm open to the possibility that I could do it. I'm just making a decision that I don't want to do it. So that's different than just going I can't do it, I'm not doing it, I can't, I hate camp Can't work, just like if we could throw that out.
Speaker 2:It's very close, like you just closed yourself off.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and that's what we're trying to do. Anytime you feel in any of these it's like anytime you feel any resistance to something, it's you closing yourself off. It's you automatically being negative. I can't do that. I won't do that. I don't you know, I can't do that. No, it's not saying you should do everything.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Right, again, there's the should. Right, you know, but it's, but it's just taking an account. What is it I'm actually saying? It does this, you know, because those could be that negative self-talk. Okay, next one is comparisons. So this is definitely from the ego and we will talk later on the ego. This is all building us up to the ego stuff, and the one thing I like I want to say is comparison is the killer of joy. Yes, we in our society, we're always comparing, like like oh.
Speaker 1:So one of my examples that somebody gave me is my husband doesn't love me because I'm not as pretty as other girls, Right? So there's this comparison. You've got this comparison going on. As long as you're comparing yourself to other people, you're going to, it's the killer of joy. And again, it allows us to be closed off, it allows us to like, sometimes not try, or it goes into this whole thing. You know, like in that, like, oh, my husband doesn't like me because I'm not as pretty as other girls. Well, is that really a true statement? Like you know, do you really think your husband doesn't love you? No, it's an insecurity, it's fear-based. You know, it's the ego. It's definitely the ego is engaged. You know, well, you're not pretty enough and you're not. We'll get to some of that in a minute too. But you know, you can't compare yourself to everybody else, because everybody's on their own journey, doing their own thing. But we're in a society where it's nothing but everybody's comparing themselves.
Speaker 1:So we need to we need to knock that crap off.
Speaker 2:It's hard.
Speaker 1:It happens to me all the time when you're bombarded with everything that you do in the year, everything that we do in the external, yeah, so comparisons automatically. You got to look at those comparisons and knock it off Like say no, wait, hold on self, I love you. Another one is sorry, like when people apologize for everything, especially when they're apologizing for things that that's out of their control. They didn't do anything wrong. They're just apologizing Like sorry, I'm late, sorry, sorry, I'm emotional, right, like that one drives me nuts.
Speaker 1:Like sorry, I'm just emotional, I'm sorry, I'm sorry when it really could be like, instead of being and this is this one I like to like sorry is very it's from trauma, it's a trauma response.
Speaker 1:It really really is, and it comes from a feel of like not feeling worthy and not feeling enough and feeling little, and like you're afraid to take up space and everybody deserves to take up space. Your voice matters, everything matters. You should not apologize for freaking existing, and one of the one of my things on this one that I like on the other side of it is then being thankful and grateful. So if somebody says you know, I'm sorry, I'm just being emotional, instead it should be thank you for allowing me to express my emotions, or thank you for listening to me as I express my emotions, like now, when you take it grateful, feel the difference in it. I'm sorry, express my emotions, that feels very close, very like I don't deserve, whereas you say I'm thankful, thank you for allowing me to, or thank you for letting me. Now you're being open, yes, so you just feel the difference in that, you know.
Speaker 2:So that's a hard one, because the trauma it's really really hard and you know, I'm still trying it like I've done it and that's one of the biggest things that I learned in all my trauma therapy is that the being grateful, so trying to take sorry, out of your vocabulary. There are times you have to say sorry, I get it, but but don't you know, I Mean you. You'll come towards like a more grateful attitude and feeling so right.
Speaker 1:Yep. So we gotta be careful, that one, when we start saying the sorry but you're right. Like there is times that you do need to say sorry, like you know. No if I do something that I'm not supposed to or I hurt somebody's feelings.
Speaker 2:And yes, I should never be sorry. Like she said don't ever be sorry for taking up space, don't ever be sorry for saying something that you feel, because your feelings are valid. You're. You know your thoughts and your feelings. You're valid.
Speaker 1:You matter, you matter important 100% matter.
Speaker 2:So everybody, everybody matters everybody is important, mm-hmm yeah.
Speaker 1:Okay. So the next one is Feeling words. So when you start feeling overwhelmed, we start saying whatever the sucks, frustrated, right. Those are other ones that really like again kind of close you off and they kind of shut you down. These ones give some clues to some negative scripts, though, and and most times some of this stuff is external forces. So. So this one's a little kind of trickier is like I feel overwhelmed, I am so overwhelmed, or like the ones like I just can't do it anymore, like that's an overwhelmed statement I just can't do it anymore.
Speaker 1:Well, in a lot of that time it's like okay, we need to stop for a second and realize you know, a lot of it's an external. I'm trying to live up to all these externals. He should these, these things I think I should do and I got to be perfected about it. Is it this stuff really true? Is there a way I can kind of like what do I need to turn internal? What do I need to feed into myself? What, what is? Things that like, even though I'm like overwhelmed and I feel like, oh god, I've got it like the grocery shopping and I don't have enough this and I got to do this and I got to do this, then you can start thinking about it Okay, what is that I really have to do and what is stuff that I can let go? And if I let go, like not guilt yourself on it and not shame yourself on it, because we can't do everything all at once.
Speaker 2:Yeah, one thing I think of when you say like I just can't do it anymore. Maybe define what it is and then you can try to get to the root problem of right, right, like you know what is it.
Speaker 1:Right, yeah, yeah, because usually it's because I mean you can still breathe, you can still yeah, these certain things you can still do. So what it specifically is it? And then you can start looking at it. So, but by doing the broad statement, yeah it just lets you know something's wrong.
Speaker 1:I need to reevaluate yeah, this sucks, okay, what sucks, what about it sucks? And then we'll talk in a little bit on some of the stuff. We can go on to the other side of it and then, of course, the easy one last one's, the easy one that everybody knows is negative self-talk and that is name-calling. I'm stupid, I'm ugly, I'm an idiot, right like I think those statements are.
Speaker 2:When people talk about negative self-talk, it's oh Well, that's what that is. I'm stupid, I'm ugly, I can't do this, or yeah, there you go, I can't do this again. But yeah, like, call yourself five and you know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and those ones come from like usually like insecurity and there's all kinds of stuff that's in those. It really depends. So one of the examples that I came across was a friend of mine had told me I'm an idiot. I didn't pick up my prescriptions today. And so like, like, do you really need to call yourself an idiot? Right, like I mean that. So it's like, hey, I made a mistake. We're all Loud to make mistakes. Let me say it again people, we are all allowed to make mistakes. We're freaking human. We're going to make mistakes. You cannot be perfect, do you can't.
Speaker 2:There's really no such thing as perfect.
Speaker 1:There's no such thing, I mean there's that's it. I don't even want to see it if there is, because that would be freaking boring.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know we all mess up, we all make mistakes, so we can't be like Calling, you know, like getting mad at ourselves for that, you know. So we have to be really careful and I think, as we start talking about you know, we're talking about self-love. When you start loving on yourself, you're not calling. It's like think about the person that you love, you know, somebody that you really really love in your life, like your, but I always say best friend, because I don't have a significant other. But if you're, you could be your spouse, it could be whoever your children. Would you say those words to them? Would you call your children idiots? Okay, I'm sorry. Sometimes your kids do things that they might deserve.
Speaker 1:Yeah, especially when you have a 14 year old son, they might deserve it but I'm just saying, like, like these are things like your best friends, somebody that loves you and they're having a hard time. You're not going to call them that you love them or that they're an idiot, right? You're going to know we make mistakes. We have to start talking to ourselves like in that manner yes, and we have to stop this, because we wouldn't say it to others, yes, okay. So I want to go a little bit into like the technique, a technique that you can do.
Speaker 1:So that was kind of like to start thinking about those. The one thing I would think about, too, is like, if you're having a really hard time with these negative self-talk and if you start, now that you know some of these, when you get them, write them down. Just write them down, just be aware of them, just listen for them and like, write a little journal. Right, brenda just did this and it made a big difference. Oh, huge difference. Huge difference, because one thing, too is like, when you write them down, it takes away their power.
Speaker 2:It does take away their power.
Speaker 1:It takes away their power and you write it down. Because when you write it down then you're just like oh, that's not as wait, you know. So just write it down. And that's all you have to do to begin with, you write it down. So now let me talk about a technique on these.
Speaker 1:The first thing is, like I said, the first thing is knowing that it's negative self-talk. So when you hear one of those and I'm going to use an example that my daughter gave me, okay, and her example it is she was having a hard time getting along with her or making friends with her coworkers. So the statement she would tell me is I don't get along with my coworkers, they don't like me, right? So the first thing we do is like, we realize and observe that it's a negative self-talk, and then we stop and we challenge it. Is that a true statement? So in that, no, it's not that she didn't get along with them. She wasn't. She just hadn't made friends, she hadn't bonded with them in a way. Do they not like her? She doesn't know that they don't like her, she just thinks that they don't like her because she's not bonding to them in the way that she is. That is not a true statement. So that's why, like, we have to say, we have to challenge it, not only say, is it true? But why is it not true? Right, like, why is this not true? Why is this false? Okay, it's false because of this.
Speaker 1:Now the next part is rephrasing it, like changing it into a positive statement. So on that, instead of I don't get along with my coworkers, they don't like me, it's I haven't bonded with my coworkers, yet they haven't, they haven't had a chance to know me. So, if you think about it, just feel how that feels different. One is closing off. I don't have to do anything. I'm, you know, it's fear based, it's insecurities, and I can just stay in my insecurities. The other one opens you up. The other ones opens up for the possibilities, for opportunities. I'm going to be open to it, and sometimes that's all you've got to do is just be open to it and then things will start to change. Okay, now the next part is kind of like really taking control of it. Now, the next part is kind of like this is where you're taking back control and you're kind of setting a new vibration in the world. You're kind of like owning it more, and so this part would be I'm awesome, they will like me when they get to know me. I will be my authentic self and and we'll rock this right Like. So it's taking it to that next level of like. Not only is like, yeah, they just haven't got to know me yet, but, man, once they do, I'm freaking awesome. You know they're going to love me because I'm awesome. So now you're taking to that. Now you, you raise this whole vibration Now.
Speaker 1:Now, when you go back into work and this is exactly what happened, like this is exactly what happened to us. We went through this with her and went through the ego work with her. Within two weeks, she's now making friends, she's made like, you know, she's bonded with them, like it completely changed because now she was open to the opportunities, she was her true, authentic. She set the intention of and setting intentions is so freaking important, and so that's kind of what you got to do.
Speaker 1:So the first step, really the first step, is just being aware of these negative self-talk, and then you can go through and, as you write them down, you can then go through and and figure them out, and so that's will be something that I'll be working on when, with my coaching. I also will be working on eventually putting out some worksheets and stuff, and so if people want to work on this with me, I can help them through that. So, all right, I think that's it. Is there anything else? I think we kind of covered it, covered it pretty well, okay, all right. Well, that's all we have for this time and the bonus episode.
Speaker 1:Well as always be brave, be you and until next time stay. Wonderfully weird. Bye, bye.