You know Maike Gabriela as an expert Human Design Reader and deconditioning expert. What you don’t know? The numerous challenges she faced in her life, including struggles with self-worth, body image, drug use, and work obsession.
Despite her passion for fashion, her attempts to establish a successful underwear brand were unsuccessful, leading to feelings of failure and depression. However, her life took a turn when she discovered she was a 'Projector' in Human Design, which led to a spiritual awakening and a deeper understanding of herself. This newfound knowledge helped her overcome her struggles, heal from an autoimmune disease, and find a sense of purpose and alignment in her life.
This is the raw, uncut, unfiltered story you won’t find anywhere else except the Soft Power podcast. Her mission is to support people in finding their way back to themselves and their purpose. You’ll understand why after tuning in!
Connect with Maike:
Submit your written reviews to THIS FORM to be entered into a giveaway to win a 30 min session with Maike!
Light Supreme: Glow Up Edition - June 2024!
Welcome to your Summer Glow up. If you are looking for a TRANSFORMATIVE EMBODIMENT JOURNEY to step into your feminine energy, tap into your divine intuition, connect to your sensuality and feel empowered in your vessel, LIGHT SUPREME- THE GLOW UP is for you.
Ready to transform? Enroll HERE. We start June 1, 2024!
You know Maike Gabriela as an expert Human Design Reader and deconditioning expert. What you don’t know? The numerous challenges she faced in her life, including struggles with self-worth, body image, drug use, and work obsession.
Despite her passion for fashion, her attempts to establish a successful underwear brand were unsuccessful, leading to feelings of failure and depression. However, her life took a turn when she discovered she was a 'Projector' in Human Design, which led to a spiritual awakening and a deeper understanding of herself. This newfound knowledge helped her overcome her struggles, heal from an autoimmune disease, and find a sense of purpose and alignment in her life.
This is the raw, uncut, unfiltered story you won’t find anywhere else except the Soft Power podcast. Her mission is to support people in finding their way back to themselves and their purpose. You’ll understand why after tuning in!
Connect with Maike:
Submit your written reviews to THIS FORM to be entered into a giveaway to win a 30 min session with Maike!
Light Supreme: Glow Up Edition - June 2024!
Welcome to your Summer Glow up. If you are looking for a TRANSFORMATIVE EMBODIMENT JOURNEY to step into your feminine energy, tap into your divine intuition, connect to your sensuality and feel empowered in your vessel, LIGHT SUPREME- THE GLOW UP is for you.
Ready to transform? Enroll HERE. We start June 1, 2024!
Welcome to the Soft Power podcast with your host, Maike Gabriela. You're a safe space to get energetically aligned so that you can connect to your authenticity and purpose. Tune into the Soft Power podcast experience.
Hello, and welcome to the Soft Power podcast. My name is Maike Gabriela. And I am a human design reader, a deconditioning expert, and the founder of the Transformational Human Design Reader Certification. This is the first episode, and it's going to be a solo episode where I take you along on the journey, on the ride, of how I got into human design.
And just really a little backstory on who I am, where I come from, the crazy things that I've overcome, survived and been through and how I've gotten to this place right now that is even better than anything I could have ever imagined or even dreamed of. So we're really going to start way back when, 1986.
That's the year that I was born. Um, and I'm really grateful to have been born in an era where there wasn't social media yet and that I have like this memory of what it looks like without, but also I love social media. And I always say like, whatever happens, as long as you don't take away my wifi, I'll be fine.
I am originally German. I have a German passport, but. My parents moved with me to Barcelona in Spain when I was around two weeks old, and so I grew up in Barcelona with really the sense of having, I really always had the sense that had the best of both sides because if we just generalize, Germans are mostly seen as like cold, calculating, uh, reserve people, and uh, Most association with Spain is like, you know, friendly, open, a bit chaotic, um, and definitely, I don't know, what, free, wild?
I don't know what the exact term is that I would, uh, say the generalization around Spain is, but, you know. It's interesting because when I was younger, I was always asked, like, What is the language you dream in? And I'm like, I don't know, I'm a horrible dreamer. I like, I'm a horrible sleeper anyways, but I'm, I don't know.
Um, people would always ask me like, where do you feel at home? And to be honest, the sense that I've always had is yes. Like I remember when I was little, my parents traveled a lot with me. And every time we came back to Barcelona, there was this smell in the air that reminded me of home. And if you've ever been to Barcelona, and I feel like this is something maybe New Yorkers can relate, but I don't want to be insulting, but people a lot of times tell me like, oh yeah, garbage and piss.
And I'm like, well, no, that's not. That's just downtown. Okay. That's not how whole Barcelona smells like. No, but, um, yeah, I don't know. It's really this warmth. There is like this, this warmth in the air. There's this certain smell in the air that really makes me feel at home when I'm in Barcelona. But because I had a very German education and I went to the German school in Barcelona, I always felt like I didn't fully connect with The, the Spanish people.
So when I was in German, I felt very Spanish cause I'm very loud. And I'm, I mean, I don't feel like I'm very loud, but like in the context of being in Germany, when I talk on the phone, I'm like loose and energetic. And, and I always didn't feel right when I was visiting Germany. But then when I was in Spain.
I always was on time. I love my structure. I'm a quad left. So it's like, you know, discipline and structure and straightness and routines and order. Like I like those things. And Spain is just, that's not what they're good at. And that's great. Like, I'm not saying any of these things are good or bad. They're just like inherent generalized traits.
Cause obviously this is a generalization, but I always watched German TV and I had like references from, you know, the U S because German TV was like more open to content that was being made or like music videos or whatever was happening in the U S versus Spain. Right. So when I was meeting people. Here in Barcelona, we didn't watch the same TV.
We didn't have the same references growing up. And even though this might sound a bit, I don't know, superficial, these are still things that when we're young, we're really connected because we idolize and we project, and they're kind of like expanding us and what's possible. So the way that I saw life was very different from what I was seeing people around me, allowing themselves to dream about.
And I think that that's something that has always really. It's really been present in my mind that the way that I see the possibilities that I have in my life I'm very different from what I've seen other people allow themselves To see, and I think that this is interesting in the context of being a three, five planning projector and understanding that just from such a small age, I always saw people's potential and I always was, you know, I had that recognition from the people around me that I was seeing their potential.
And I was always, and I always had that contrast that people didn't see their potential. So I grew up and my dad is a self made businessman, which is something that I think also really influenced the way that I saw my capacity of doing what I want to do in my life because he, Comes from a family that went through extreme hunger in the Second World War.
He was born. He remembers like the trains passing through with Americans throwing Tobacco and bread. And they would literally survive off that Brad that the American army would like throw at them when they were crossing through the towns on the train. And he started working when he was, I mean, I think even younger, I think his first job was like helping pick up tennis balls and like.
A tennis club or whatever, maybe when he was nine, but his first job was at age 14 because his parents didn't have enough money to send both of their sons. education. So they chose the older son, um, to finish school, but they didn't have enough money to support him. So at age 14, he started working. And I think by age 24, he was the youngest manager of a company that was doing, that was canning food, like in a can factory.
And so I always heard from him that You didn't need a linear education that you didn't have to walk the path that, you know, society has told you is the only path because he became successful in his own right, really doing the things the way that he felt. And the reason that I'm like smiling when I'm telling this is because I found out maybe half a year ago that he's a manifesting generator.
And so now that I'm like recalling this. Um, I'm like, yeah, it makes so much sense that he's a manifesting generator. And then he, he said, fuck this shit. I'm not doing the straight and steady line. I'm doing it my own way and I'm going to nail it. And that's basically what he did and what he's done. Um, and of course that has been such a big influence and me.
Just in the way that I move through life and the way that I see the opportunities and the possibilities that I can create for myself. And so my mom on the other side had parents who were very rigorous about her studies and they were very on her ass for her to become a doctor because that's The kind of job that you would get to make your parents proud.
You would be a lawyer, you would be a doctor, and that's what they wanted her to be. And so, my grandfather, from my mother's side, he's a journalist, or he was a journalist. And, he would travel a lot, even, Back then in the sixties, he went to Bali and like, he has really like interesting stories. Also, he's a Sagittarius, so no wonder.
Um, but it's really interesting just to see that even though he had like a very, you know, kind of like modern job, he was a writer for like the first woman's magazine in Germany. And when I say woman's magazine, I said, I said this once and somebody was like, Oh, like. Playboy and I'm like, no, not Playboy. I mean, like, I mean, in Germany it's like Pricketer and in Spain, I don't even know what like a woman's magazine would be like, that's not Ola Ola is like.
And I'm going to talk about a magazine where there's a lot of like gossip, but you know, like just a magazine that's like talking to women, talking about, you know, subjects that are interesting to the female gaze, even though obviously this was written by my grandfather who was a man, but you know, olden times guys, olden times.
Okay. And so she studied to become a doctor and she was never able to actually do that as a job because she couldn't stand eight hours straight. She had like a week. Metabolism, whatever. She would faint. The fact really is she didn't want to do it. She did those studies just to prove her parents wrong, but I think it's just interesting because I want you guys to understand a bit like the background of having two parents that have operated very differently.
And how both of those have influenced me. Right. So on one side, I have my dad who always taught me like, Oh, fuck studies. You're going to make it your own way. You have the possibility to create the life of your dreams. If you just work hard enough, which working hard enough has been like a huge process of deconditioning in this whole, in this whole ride that I've been on.
And then I have my mom was somebody who studied a lot and who has like that kind of like intelligence, right? My dad's more street smart. My mom is like more intellectually. And I because she has all of this like strong knowledge that you need to acquire when you're studying to become a doctor. And I think that contrast has been really interesting in the way that I, that I move through life and the way that I operate.
And so I guess because there was a certain expectation or there was a certain conversation held in my house around success, around hard work, around so much of both of their worth. Being tied to their achievements that from a very young age, it was very clear to me that I wanted to become successful.
But again, now that I have the human design information and I look at myself from like the energetic authenticity point of view, success is. By default, the signature for the projector. So it is really just this innate knowing that my energetic authenticity craze recognition and success. And so I remember, I think like the first time I try to make money.
I was also maybe nine, 10, 11 ish. And it was summer and I was visiting my best friend at her like summer apartment on the outskirts of Barcelona. Calella de Palafrugell it's called. And it's a really cute town. If you ever visit, it's a must. And her grandfather had like this little speedboat. Was it a speedboat?
Maybe not even, I don't know. It was like this really little like I don't know what the appropriate term is for that boat, but it was like a little boat. We used to get, uh, potato chips, which is something that my German mother did not, my like semi granola German mother did definitely not approve of. She would make all of the tomato sauces herself.
And like, we had actual granola without sugar. And so that was always the coolest, like to get fried potato chips and like. I don't know, hang out on that like little boat. And what we would do is that we would swim to the bottom of the ocean and get these dry seashells and paint them and then resell them.
Or we would do these bracelets that we would tie with like, you know, these knot patterns. I don't know if you know what I'm talking about, but we would do these little bracelets. And then at the beach promenade, we would put a little carton box. And we will sell for 25 cents, which was the coin that had a little hole in the middle that when we were like 12, we will put a little black cord through and tie it around our necks.
And that was like a cool accessory. We would sell those bracelets and those shells for like 25 cents. So I think that is the first time I remember me being like, quote unquote, like connecting to my entrepreneurship. And then I remember. Like the thing that drove me the most is that I really wanted to make my own money to prove My family that I was also worth something.
I think that that was really like There was such drive and ambition in my father and there was such importance about his business and who he was that, yeah, I think just like that need of approval and also just learning that my self worth comes through my outside expectations or outside success, which I think most of us have been trained to believe that no matter what the family backstory is.
And so at the age of 13, when everybody was like enjoying their summer, I decided that I wanted to like do an internship for a fashion brand because I was like, I want to learn how to sew. I want to understand better fashion. My whole room was full of like, instead of having celebrities on my bedroom walls, I had like Calvin Klein perfumes, uh, CK1, you know, like.
All of these very sexy perfume ads wink wink, uh, if you remember you remember And I was so lanky and so bad at coordinating at that age because I was just going through like that big Growth rush. I like got tall one summer. Literally. I just grew 20 centimeters And my arms were lanky, my legs were lanky, and I was like not in a position to like sew on little rhinestones on like mesh delicate, um, fabrics.
And so while I was interning, the fashion designer was like, you know what, you're really not so good at this. Why don't you just stand there and we're going to use you as a mannequin. We're going to use you as, you know, the model on which we're gonna fit the clothes. So, um, that's what I did that summer. I did learn a lot just by watching and being there and being in the environment.
And as a thank you, because, you know, internship, not getting paid and so on. They were like, you know what, you're welcome to walk the Spanish or like Barcelona. In Barcelona at the time, there was like one fashion week, which is like 080. I think it exists still, but back then there was like the Madrid fashion week, there was the Barcelona fashion week.
And so they invited me to walk their catwalk and Barcelona fashion week, which was like a huge deal to me because again, I'm 13 years old. And I'm like, Oh my God, this is incredible. My world is opening. I'm finally, you know, stepping into this amazing world that I was so fascinated about. And one of the days that I was waiting.
To be fitted in that studio where they were like designing the clothes. This man comes up to me and he's like, Oh, are you like waiting here for the casting? And I'm like, what casting? No, I have no idea what you're talking about. Turns out this was the brother of the fashion designer who's a fashion photographer.
And he thought that I was there for a casting. Since I wasn't, he brought me to the agency that he worked closely to, which was an agency in Barcelona owned by. An ex Spanish model and that's how like I got quote unquote signed in this agency. I mean, I have to say full disclosure at that time, I was very aware that there was this scam happening with like model agencies and I'm using air quotes.
Because what they would do is that they would stop random girls, all of my girlfriends, just like, Oh, you know, we'd love to feature us, feature you in our agency, but you first have to like, you know, pay us to make your book, which are like specific pictures for modeling and then some extra costs of whatever, whatever.
So basically they were just like trying to get people's money and they would never book a job afterwards. So I remember very clearly when I got into the agency and they were like, Oh yeah, you know, like. If you want to join the agency, you're going to have to pay this and this. I'm like, listen, I know that you guys have been doing this.
I, this is feels like a scam. And mind you, I was like 13, 14 years old at that time. And I was so scared of confronting people. Like confronting people is still one of the biggest things that I'm, that I'm here to overcome. And this existing. Continuous learning process. That is my life. Yeah. I remember being like, if you want me to be in your agency, like, I don't even know where you got the balls to do that.
Like, really? Sometimes I look back. I'm like, how did I say that? Um, but probably just because I was 13 years old and I'm like, well, if you want me in your agency, I'm not going to pay. And you're going to have to cover all the costs. And they were like, okay, let's do it. And I was like, yeah, okay, cool. That was, that was cool.
Um, and whatever, that was like a whole thing. Obviously that was like a very Spanish small agency. I ended up changing to a different agency. I spent a summer in Milan getting work, which was a whole experience in itself. Cause that's when I was actually 14 years old and had like, you know, the typical stories that they talk about now on social media.
Like I remember I went to photo shoot photo shoot in Milan. In somebody's flat and the photographer was like, Oh, just pull down your shirt a little bit. Like pull down your dress a little bit. We want to see the decollete. We want to see like just a little bit of the nipple. And I'm like, no, I'm not doing that.
And I remember how insistent that photographer was on me showing a little bit of my nipple at 14 years old, which obviously is very inappropriate. And if I think all of like the go sees, which is like, when you go with your book and your pictures to different photographers, so they get to know you and like, Decide if they want to book you for a job or not, like those situations, they were weird.
Um, and even though I really, really love modeling. And I thought that I really felt that wasn't my purpose. It was not so much because of, you know, like me thinking that I'm the prettiest girl alive, which really wasn't the case, but I felt a deep connection with the creative people around me and this coming together to create a beautiful image.
And really understanding what the photographer and the stylist and the story was about and knowing how to embody that. And I think that that's also my projector vision of really being able to deeply understand what other people are seeing, are projecting and are, you know, wanting to create being able, I mean, I also have like an open Ajna, open crown, open throat.
So I think just like being able to see the images of others. Through the energetic exchange has always been a gift and I just loved it. I loved it because it allowed me to connect to creative people. I was making a bunch of money. I mean, not when I was 14, so I need to go back. Um, that summer in Milan, I was really scared because I remember I had seen a documentary.
Like an undercover documentary on, on this agency called elite. And it was the, this documentary where there was a hidden camera and they would follow these underage girls into like these fancy clubs and show how they were getting trigger warning, how they were getting, you know, cocaine. And then they were being like, whatever.
Bad shit was happening to underage girls, really far away from home. You know, like. Um, a lot of girls from Eastern Europe, you know, just whatever being used, being abused. And I was really scared. Like I love the fashion industry and something was really calling me to it. Cause it was like my dream, but on the other side, I was really scared of what would happen if that would really happen.
So I had the scout come from Milan and he sat me down and he's like, I want you to come to Milan this summer and do like the shows there. It's going to be amazing. You're going to have so much success. You can have so much money. And it was selling me the story of like the dream. And at that time, like I have been, you know, uh, late in the maturing process.
So at age 14, I think maybe I had gotten my first. Proper kiss, but I had never had sex. I had never done drugs and I remember That I was like sitting there and i'm like, but what about the sex and the drugs, you know? And I was so scared and so embarrassed to even use those words because they were so far from my vocabulary Um, you know, and I have this, you know, middle aged man telling me about the dream and, and Milan and modeling, blah, blah, blah.
And I was like, but what about the drugs and the sex? Like, he's like, Oh, you're gonna, you're gonna stay in my apartment. So I keep you safe. And I was like, okay, I don't know. I don't know what that means, but okay. I get to Milan and his apartment where he was going to keep me safe was literally one living room where there were four to six beds next to each other, where all of the underage girls were sleeping.
So it was a little bit insane. Um, more trigger warning. I was living off miso soup for like 25 calories. Oh my God, whatever. I don't even want to get into this. I don't want to get into this. Or was this even later? I think that was later because I went back to Milan when I was later. So, and so that definitely didn't, did not go well.
Um, it was an experience. I didn't dislike it. My mom came to visit for a couple of days. We went to get gelato. Um, but I wasn't, it wasn't a season where I hit it off. It wasn't the reason that I could just quit school, you know? And so at that time, my dad really wanted me to pursue a singing career. He had these kind of projections and dreams of what he wanted his children to be.
I have two older sons that are like half siblings from the first wife of my dad. And whatever, he had his projection in his dreams, what each of his kids should be. And for me, he had chosen that I should become a singer. And so there was this discussion that, you know, I shouldn't waste my potential being a clothe hanger as a model.
But that's what I really wanted to be because I knew that I was good. And I knew that I had like this body consciousness and this understanding of movement. And I just. I breathed fashion, like I learned so much that summer about campaigns and models and like I started buying all of the Vogues with the money that I was making, but I still have, um, so I really love that world and I so wanted to be part of it and for me to not be allowed by my parents to pursue that dream was one of the most heartbreaking things ever.
And I remember my mom being like next to me and trying to console me every night when I would go to sleep crying because that's what I wanted to do with my life. And my father didn't, didn't want that. And I remember that that really, I think that was one of the pivotal points that really broke the relationship with my mom because she was there and she was consoling me, but she wasn't helping me and she wasn't supporting me and she wasn't fighting.
For me and my dream. And I think that that's something that I've held a grudge. And so I was not allowed to pursue that dream, but instead, um, I was put in contact like through one of my girlfriends, this actually this girlfriend that I went to, uh, that summer apartment to her uncle worked in the music industry.
And so my girlfriends and I were obsessed with the Spice Girls. I was Baby Spice because, you know, blonde, blue, white, and, uh, and there was like this huge competition in a magazine that I feel like everybody in Spain participated and we were second place, but I think everybody got second place. And so I really like always thought that, you know, being a musician or like being a singer because being a musician wasn't really a thing with the Spice Girls.
It was really just being a pop star. You know, we had Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera and we had Ava Levine at age 14, and it was just such a great way for us to project ourselves. On to something that would allow us to escape our mundane reality and stand out, which I think I really think this thing of like standing out such a core truth to all of us that we always feel like we don't belong, that we all feel we're so individual, which we really are, but I think these celebrities and I think it has shifted since their social media because we have like a more like, You know, more all encompassing idea, what it looks like to be a celebrity and that they are like us, quote unquote, but back then, you know, in the Y2K era, there was a lot of projection.
We didn't really know what was happening. Uh, reality TV was just happening. Even back then there was no reality TV yet. So this idea of like being individual and unique. Was a very strong message that I connected to and so Through the uncle of my friend. There was this opportunity to meet producers in miami So I was actually sent to miami when I was 15 years old to record a couple of songs with Producers there and that was An absolute fucking nightmare like I could have not felt more out of place And they saw like this blonde looking girl that spoke Spanish and they saw this very commercialized product and the song that they wanted me to record, like, honestly, just thinking about it gives me PTSD.
Like at some point, I remember, I think this is also like trigger warning. Um, I felt so uncomfortable. There, I was going so against my intuition. I was in an environment that I so didn't feel that I belonged. I was surrounded by so many, like, no offense, but like all white dudes that wanted to, you know, like commercialize me, they wanted to make money out of me.
I remember at some point that some lunch with some people like went to the bathroom and bit my arm so so so so incredibly hard because the pain that I was feeling inside of being like semi forced into the situation that I didn't know how to get out to out of because I had all of these authoritarian people around me telling me that this is what I had to do was sober again, really, like I think that that Was one of the experiences also that looking back, um, I feel led to in the longterm developing an autoimmune disease, because in human design, we have the spleen energy center, which is connected to our immunity and our immune system, and I think going so strongly against my intuition really led to, to a compromise immune system.
But, um, anyways, at some point, one of the producers was like, listen, Maike. You're a talented girl. If you do this song, if you do this music, you're going to have a hit song for a year, you're going to disappear. You're never going to be able to make music again. And so, because I really felt that none of those things were aligned and that none of that felt in any way, right.
For me, I came back to Spain and we found producers in Spain. And I started to make music with them and with them, I recorded one album. I co wrote the songs too, and we made a couple of video clips. And then I toured Spain with this album. Um, and I have to say like. I was on stage, I think, I don't even know what the maximum of people was like, maybe 10, 000 people.
Uh, there's this Spanish radio program called Cuarenta Principales, and with them, I toured through Spain and other artists together. Um, and it was a very interesting experience. But I hated every second of it because I just knew that that was my place I just didn't feel like I feel even talking about it.
You can sense that I felt like really uncomfortable I didn't want to be there. That was not my path, but You know, I always wanted to I've always been kind of like a good girl and I always wanted to Make my parents proud. I think that's a pretty innate I don't know, innate need we have that we grow out of.
But again, I was 15, 16, 17 at that age, 17 years old. I quit school when I was 16 to pursue that music career in Miami. It didn't work out. Came back to Spain, did this album. did another album and by the end of the second album, I was so unhappy. I had started doing drugs. I had, you know, I was smoking pot. I was drinking alcohol.
I was like, even if I just look at myself at that time, I'm like, Oh my God, why did nobody tell me to just comb my fucking hair? Like what? I mean, it was the sleazy indie era. And I guess that's what I'm missing. When I look at those pictures, I'm like, that was trendy, but I like. Girl, brush your hair. Just brush your hair.
Just please just brush your hair. So I had the black eyeliner and like the Rolling Stone t shirts and like the skinny jeans and the cowboy boots. And I was just like screaming and yelling and just like being a little brat, um, until I lost my voice. And I really think that that was my way of getting out of the situation that I was in.
I had to quit music because I was getting nearly every concert or it just became this thing like I was getting cortisone shots in my butt. I was getting cortisone shots in my butt because that was the only way that I could get my voice back and obviously that's not healthy and it's not a good sign.
So at some point. My vocal cords got checked in spain There was nobody who was a professional that actually just looked at the vocal cords So I went to berlin to get a vocal cord operation and i'm telling you guys that was like a mind blowing experience If you've ever seen your vocal cords, it's insane.
They look like a vagina And I saw them talk and when they talk, they vibrate. But to me, they have like the softness. They have this elegance of like a butterfly. There's some, something so sensitive, so delicate about the vocal cords that when I saw how inflamed they were, they had, um, Um, like there's a hardened, um, texture skin had developed from the way that I use my vocal cords or like abused my vocal cords would probably be the better way to describe it that yeah, I had to get a vocal cord operation.
This is the only operation I've ever gotten. And it was really intense. Um, they put me under full anesthesia. And I remember when I woke up, I woke up crying and like from such like. Sad despair place was really intense, really intense. Like I really believe these like full anesthetic procedures are very intense for our system.
I read somewhere actually that people who have a lot of operations where they undergo like full. anesthesia. Um, they have a shorter lifespan, which I thought was very interesting. I think it's a very weird state to be put into where people can literally open your body and operate you and change things.
And then you come back and out of it and you haven't felt anything. Like I am sure the body stores that somewhere just cause we don't feel it. Like it has to get out. I don't know. It's, it's, it's, it's a crazy experience. For me, it was a crazy experience, but what happened after was that I was not allowed to speak for two whole weeks, not one sound.
And the funny thing was everybody understood me, but my mother, um, and so I was in Berlin without being able to speak. I rented this tiny apartment that cost 700 bucks a month. Um, Berlin, those were the gold, good old times. I'm telling you guys. And I started doing collage and I started doing art and I started to watch binge, watch all of these old movies and listening to like vinyl records of Billie holiday.
And it was like very moody, very dark Berlin. And it was a really interesting time by that. I think it was like 20 something. I was really young and I had already like had so many experiences, right? It was like a bit crazy because the people around me were just finishing school. Um, they were starting, you know, studying in university.
So I always felt like I really had this very different life. Then the people that surround me. And when I was in Berlin, I really like, you know, needed to find a new way to make money. And by that time I had already kind of like fulfilled my dad's wishes of becoming a singer. And failed, which was a disaster for my, for him and, uh, my family, because I quit school to become a musician.
Uh, and that was a failure. Yay. Three, five profile. And that like, even talking about it makes my heart like hurt a little, because it felt so heavy on me. To have, you know, for my mom who studied medicine for me to quit school was already such a big like No And then for my dad who's like entrepreneurial and be like, oh you gotta you know, make a business out of this You know, I failed both of them miserably.
I felt like shit Yeah, that was not a cool time. And um, and I was like, okay i'm gonna get into modeling But at the time I didn't have the weight To be able to model. So I decided that I was going to get onto a strict diet. This was like my first personal attempt to diet. Cause my first real diet was when I was like 11, 12.
I remember my mom slapped my hand because I took a potato chip. Uh, and it makes me think of like, what's, what's, uh, did you Bella Hadid's mom, Yolanda and the almond. That's, that's the vibes, but she never meant it in a bad way. I really think she was really trying to help me cause I was. 11, 12, really, you know, like I was starting to get overweight, really unhappy, insecure, and she just wanted me to, you know, feel better.
And that wasn't a way of doing it. I love you, mom. Um, we've come a long way. We've come a long way, but, but yeah, so that's when I really started like restrictive dieting. Um, cause I wanted to lose weight to be able to model. And then I actually got contacted through Facebook. I don't even know, whatever. I got an opportunity to work for a different model agency at age 23.
I got my haircut short and again, I did the circuit in Milan. I did the circuit in Paris, London, and even a very short stint in New York. I was hired or I was like represented by. Next European, like next models, which is like a pretty. Good established model agency. There's a lot of wild stories there a lot of unhealthy Food behavior that really ruined my metabolism.
I was always cold. I always felt like I couldn't digest food I went vegan in 2007 Um, where I did a little stint in New York because I wanted to study to become an actress. That was an amazing month of my life, but I read, uh, the book Skinny Bitch and that's what I wanted to become. I really think a lot of people got, a lot of girls got badly influenced by that book because I mentioned this to other girls and they were like, Oh my God, yeah, such a like eating disorder, um, supportive book.
But, um, I've really overcome all of those struggles, which I'm really proud of and, um, and yeah, and then I had another step with modeling that lasted like a couple of years that I, you know, was really successful. I think the most I made with was 50 K in a day, which was amazing. Um, I loved it, but I also was very alone.
I couldn't maintain the weight for the love of me. Like there was no way I could maintain the weight that the industry expected of me after, I don't know how many years, maybe five years of being a vegan. I just could no longer maintain that hunger that I had. Uh, my body was feeling cold. I was just like.
I was not in a good place. And so even eating very little, I would, I would, I just started to gain weight. And, um, and I was like, why is it not working? Why am I not eating? I'm not losing weight, but my body was rebelling. I was like, no, like whatever you eat, we're going to hold on to that for the life of us.
So I had to quit modeling, which was a huge disappointment. For myself, because that was my dream. That was my dream. That was the way that I thought I was going to make the money I wanted to make. I was going to get the recognition. I want, I desired. I knew I was good at it, but I didn't see success as fast as I desired it.
I didn't know that I had to wait for the fucking invitation, which already then would have like helped me tremendously. And I, and I didn't have the energy. Like I was starting to use, um, what's that drug? Ritalin to have more energy to wake up in the morning and go to all of the castings and walk through the whole city.
Um, and then I would drink alcohol at night to like get off like the jitters that I would get from the Ritalin. So that was already very unhealthy patterns, you know, with the restrictive dieting, not good. And at some point I just couldn't maintain the weight. And I quit modeling. I mean, they weren't booking me anymore.
So I quit modeling. And that honestly was, I think one of the most pivotal points in my life where I was so disappointed with life. Cause you know, I was vegan because I believe that my energetics will be. Higher, better than others. Like, this is the truth that I believed. Obviously I don't believe that now.
Right. Um, because I now understand that that's not how things work, but I wanted to become like there's a role model of like. Good intentions of, you know, being a good person and doing things from the right place. That's who I thought that I would become. And I had these small stories of success within the modeling industry.
You know, but I met, I don't know, Vivian Westwood. And I walked the same catwalk as Naomi Campbell. And like, there were these moments that were like, wow, incredible. My dreams are coming true. But then there was also this devastating reality that I just didn't. I couldn't, I couldn't maintain, I couldn't maintain the weight that I needed to be successful in the model industry.
And this was pre. You know, um, what's her name, Crystal Wren, I don't remember her name, but you know, this was a time when there were no plus size models. There was a time where the idea that you could be like an influencer model didn't really exist. And I felt so lost because. I wanted it so bad. I had all of my projections since I was like 14 were on this idea that I was going to become a model and that that would be finally the life that I dreamed of and I would be with the people that I would feel recognized with and that that I don't know.
I thought that was my thing. And to let go of that idea and that dream was so incredibly painful That I fell into a deep depression I fell into a deep depression because I didn't know how to get back to feeling good in my body I remember when I like quit modeling and I went back to quote unquote real life and I would just see And I was like, Oh, that's the normal size of human, like women.
Like I was so used to seeing these incredibly skinny girls. Lanky, you know, like one 86 foot one, I guess it is like in us measurements. Like I was always surrounded by such, such incredibly skinny girls. Because that's what the industry demanded and this constant conversation with the agents, with the photographers, with the stylists, with the other models, weight was all everybody was talking about.
You didn't book the job. Oh, it's because you have one centimeter more on the hip. And I'm like, that's ridiculous. It's just because, you know, you're just not the fit for whatever they had in their vision, but everything was so food body obsessed focus. It was really, really, really, really, um, intense. And I fell into a deep depression, I fell into a deep depression because I didn't know I was just gaining weight and gaining weight.
I was actually scheduled to get a liposuction on my thighs. And I remember going to the doctor and my doc, and like the doc, and like even in the waiting office, there were all of these people with fake everything. And honestly, please do whatever makes you feel best. Like I have no judgment on that, but it's just not what resonated with me at the time.
Um, that felt authentic to who I am and what I believe in. And yeah, at the end I didn't go through with the operation. Um, I also got dropped by like my mother agency here in Spain and I was just gaining weight. And I was gaining weight and I didn't know what to do with it. And I just felt so horribly in my body.
I didn't know what to do with my life. I didn't know how to make money. It was a mess. It was a mess and I was deeply depressed. I remember I was just like lying on my couch binge watching Netflix, um, and I was trying to get my shit together and I didn't know how and If I'm honest, I was just like falling deeper, deeper into depression.
And that's when I started to use drugs. That's when I started to try drugs. Should I get into the details? I don't know. But yeah, but I was, you know, like consuming drugs on the weekends, trying to control my appetite with drugs. Trying to find energy. Cause I was fucking depressed. Like I was unhappy. I hated myself, the disappointment and shame that I carried of not having achieved what I.
You know, wanted to show the world, my parents, everybody, like I got so bullied in school for leaving school at 16. I don't know. I felt, I felt like a fucking, fucking really like failure. And the drugs just made me feel better for a little amount of time. And it just kind of, I don't know, it took a life of its own where, I don't know, I was just really lost.
I'm trying to reflect back on it. But all I can say is I was really lost. I was trying to use drugs to, like, regulate my mood and my energy and, like, try to pretend to fit in. And For me, the dangerous thing with drugs is that people don't really notice if I've taken or not taken drugs. So it makes me like a very functional, uh, drug consumer.
I wouldn't call me an addict because I don't have an addictive personality, thank God. I'm really good at cutting anything out of my life, to be honest. I think that's my splenic authority that has like this coldness to it. When it's important, I can be like, okay, this is enough. But it was a very turbulent time in my life and because I was struggling so much with self worth and, and you know, my body image, but I still really loved fashion.
I decided to do a master's in fashion design because I was like, okay, I can't be in the model industry because I can't maintain my weight, but I love fashion and there's something inside me. That is always so present and seeing the capacity and seeing the value and seeing the potential of other people.
And I really think that's my projecting aura, my focus aura. And I was like, okay, I'm going to study, I'm going to study fashion design. So I studied fashion design for a year and I loved it. I had an amazing teacher who inspired me so much. But yeah, I was still doing drugs because it made me feel, I wasn't even doing drugs.
I was doing drugs to work more, work harder. Cause that's what I've been told. I've been told that if you don't have it, it's cause you don't work enough. And if you don't have it, it's cause you don't want it enough. And I'm like, I could not want anything more in my fucking life than that success and that recognition.
And it didn't come. And I like. You know, got myself into a burnout and into a depression because I didn't get what I put my everything into achieving. And that was so devastating because I was like, how can I be doing everything? I wasn't having fun. I wasn't meeting my friends. I was just obsessed with work.
Whatever that work was at that time. And so I did my, my fashion design masters and I loved it. And I decided that I was going to start an underwear brand because I thought that I could create a really beautiful message around that. I was like, okay, it's going to be body positive. It's fair trade. It's ecotechs.
It's all of the things I. I did the photography, I did the styling, I did the, you know, set up of the photoshoots. I did the branding, I did social media, I did everything. Okay. I was raised by two manifesting generators. I did everything. I thought that's the way to go. And yeah, and that's really when, when I was like, okay, so how can I create a beautiful message?
Through this fashion brand, I know it has, there has to be more meaning to this. And this was the rise really of body positivity and just like, yeah, this bigger awareness in our, in the way that we're consuming sustainability was a huge thing at that time. And so, um, I really jumped on that bandwagon, but from a natural, just like, it just made sense from my own story.
Right. And within a short amount of time, I was able to like gain 10, 000 followers on my Instagram. Um, people really love the, the, um, the branding and the communication. And I had all of these posts on how to love yourself more. And I really think that because of this deep rock bottom that I went through and there's strong, like hate and body dysmorphia.
And just like in general, that whole eating disorder chapter that I had been through really made me feel like I wanted to have a type of communication and a message that was strong and after really hitting rock bottom studying fashion design. Um, and you know, taking drugs to an amount that was really just like unhealthy.
I'm not saying that drugs are ever healthy, but I'm just like saying that was a fucking dark period of my life. And I hit rock bottom. Um, I got back together with my ex, sobered up, went to the gym, stopped drinking like a bottle of wine every day, uh, lost weight, felt great. I moved with my boyfriend at the time to Austria and that's where I started to create the patterns for my underwear.
And after a year, basically nearly parallel to me launching my underwear brand, I found out that I was pregnant and I was like, okay, so we're having two babies. Um, I mean, it was, it was really like an interesting period because again. I was working my ass off. I was working 18 hours a day for this underwear brand.
I was writing 215 emails a day to get pressed, to get clients, to get noticed, to get heard. Like I was obsessed. I would wake up in the morning, seven o'clock. I was at the co working space, got home at like 7pm, worked some more. I was really obsessed. And then obviously after, I don't know, maybe a year and a half or something, when I found out I was pregnant, I got into a conflict because the brand wasn't really working.
I wasn't really making ends meet people love the product, but I wasn't making ends meet. And so. I was really struggling because I was like, I'm going to get pregnant. How am I maintaining this? I can't maintain this level of work. If I'm having a baby, like I really wanted to have time to spend time with my baby.
Like I had wanted to be a mother for a really long time. I always had this thing in my mind that I was going to be a mother. Um, I think the thing that my father always admired of my mother was what a great mother she had been to me. So that's something that I really grew up with. So for me, it was very clear that at some point I really wanted to become a mother, but obviously through the dark times, that was not an option.
And thank God that I was able to like clean up everything before the arrival of my kid. Um, but it was, it was challenging. It was challenging. So at some point I hired somebody. To support me in my last months of pregnancy. And it was crazy because I went to Switzerland to have my baby there, 'cause my parents live there and I wanted them to support me and a week before my due date, this girl is like not answering messages and she just.
She ghosted me that was it wasn't even expression back then six years ago. That didn't exist. She ghosted me So my employer ghosted me i'm like nine months plus pregnant because my daughter decided to arrive, you know Two weeks later than expected um And I was like shit, what am I gonna do? So I was really in a position that I was super stressed out because my business wasn't working.
I was super pregnant I didn't know How I was going to manage because the support that I had left me. And so for the first four months of having my daughter, I was still really trying to work and get shit done. If you've had a baby, you know, that the first month they're sleeping a lot. So I was like. a lot while the baby was sleeping.
And at some point I had to make a decision. Like one of the things that people often forget to mention when you have a three, five profile, the three or when you have a three in your profile, the three is not only the profile that needs to learn through life experience. And as you can see, I've had plenty of live experience and I'm, uh, I'm actually skip, skipping parts because.
We've been talking for a while now, so I'm skipping parts, but yeah That you're the first to know when things no longer work Like I know in a relationship when things no longer work, even though I try to make it work for forever I know in a business when it's no longer working Even though I continue to try because I want to like try for other people and to make other people happy Or like just try as much as I can so that nobody says, Oh, it's been your failure.
And I'm like, no, I tried everything I could, even though I knew this wasn't going to be the thing for me. So with this underwear brand that I loved and I had so much fun creating, and I love the community I build, I knew that it wasn't going to work. I just felt I was hitting the wall with my head. Like it didn't matter how much I pushed, it wasn't working.
It felt like the model thing. I knew this wasn't my path, but I didn't understand why, because I had put so much fucking effort into it. And I was about to have like my second burnout at the age of 31. And I'm like, why is this shit not fucking working? And I was again, so sad, so depressed. I couldn't believe it.
I'm like, what do I have to do? Like, is something wrong with me? Like, have I done something so wrong that the universe doesn't allow me to have success? Doesn't allow me to have the life that I dream of. I was so full of shame, so full of guilt, so full of like low self worth that I was like, why? Why? Why am I not able to create this life that my heart desires so strongly?
And then, one night, desperately, Looking to understand myself better and trying to figure out how I could make my life something worth living and offer my daughter something that she could be inspired by. I heard something about being a projector on a podcast. I had no fucking clue what that meant. But I was like, I'm a projector and now everything in my fucking life makes sense.
And that, ladies and gentlemen, was the moment my life changed. But, I know this sounds dramatic, but it really was. Like, I was again at such a dark, desperate point in my life. I had an autoimmune disease. I had This two month old baby in my arm. I hadn't slept. I was going through a hard time in my relationship with my parents.
I think that something happens when you give birth to a child. There's like a vortex of all of the shit that's been accumulated in the family dynamic and karma just also comes out. Like, I don't know what it is. The father of my daughter was working full time as a waiter in a restaurant that was And now we're away from our home, so he was out of the house most of the time, maybe I would see him an hour and a half or like lunch break.
Um, but then he would come home at like one o'clock in the morning, sleep in the garage so that her and I could, so my daughter and I could like wake up whenever she was waking up at like 5 a. m., didn't not disturb him so he could sleep a little so he could like go to work. So I felt very alone. I was trying to like, you know, make this unaware business work at this newborn baby that I was like feeding every 20 minutes or at least that's what it felt like it was, it was, it was dark times.
It was dark times. I was really like, and when I heard that I was a projector and that I had to wait for the invitation, even though I know most of the times, this is like the most disempowering information. Cause you're like, how am I ever going to get shit done in life? When all I've learned is like, Nike, just do it.
Hashtag girl boss. And you have to wait for the invitation. I'm like, I have no fucking idea how I'm going to do that. But it literally blew my mind because it really gave me that aha moment of like, that is why I've never had success because I've never done it correctly. Like I've never understood my energetics.
And I swear the release, the kindness, the empathy, the love that I started to find for myself. I released myself from the shame. I released myself from the guilt. And I, and I really think that that has been one of the biggest contributors to me healing my autoimmune disease because for over a year, I have barely had any flare ups.
If at all, um, and so that process of deconditioning, like, I'm like getting close to year seven route, who the person who channeled the human design information says it takes seven years to decondition. I honestly believe it takes a lifetime because we're always like pulling out new layers of us, but that was such a pivotal moment.
And. That was also when I discovered subconscious reprogramming and I started to get really into this healing space and I really want to say that that's when my spiritual awakening began within this first year of my daughter being born and I remember in 2000, like after, after that understanding that I was a projector, I realized that the way that I was doing my business, You know, I'm trying to establish myself with this underwear brand.
And by the way, I was seeing other people being very successful at it, same price point, very similar messaging came after me. And I was like, why, why is it all working for them? And I'm like, It's not working for me. And also I have to say, I hated so many parts that were like important in the job. Like I hated putting the underwear in packages.
I hated bringing the packages and ship them. Like shipping was the worst. The shipping system is the worst. I don't know. It was a nightmare. I really didn't like that. So that was a big part of the job. And also all the time shit happened. Like, I don't know how to explain to you guys, but it just felt like that was definitely not the thing that I was supposed to be doing with my life.
And, um, and yeah, and then I, at some point, you know, I could no longer try and like maintain this like high work intensity and also take care of my baby. Because having a newborn is very challenging and So I decided to stop investing my time into this underwear brand. I dissolved the company, another failure, but I suddenly had a new perspective because even though I had no clue what I was going to do with my life, I started to have a different awareness about myself and I started to have these tools.
That allowed me at least to believe that I was able to create a new reality for myself. I started to learn about Dr. Joe Dispenza. I started to do. reprogramming manifestation started to be this huge thing. Everybody was doing. And so, I mean, I say everybody was doing, nobody around me knew anything about all of this process, right?
I was in the fashion world. I was helping my friends, you know, I was doing creative direction for car commercials or doing Um, art direction for music video clips to like make money on the side. I had this incredible opportunity. This is something I really loved, but this was already shit. I was manifesting, to be honest.
So what happened was once I realized I was a projector, once I had. Access to these tools, like subconscious reprogramming, this belief in manifestation, Dr. Joe Dispenza, this knowledge, or this even just this belief, really, this belief that I was able to create the life that I want for myself, I made a list, and I literally recently pulled up that list Um, and it's a note from my notes app and it says August 2020 and I had written down a couple of things there that just showed to me where my headspace was at that time.
And it's crazy to think where I have gotten to now, but because I was in the transitional space, I didn't know anybody around me. That wasn't a spirituality. I had my friend, Masha from Canada, who I literally shout out every time I tell my human design story. And I felt so alone with it, my newborn baby, and she was the person that, you know, I started my quote unquote first podcast with because we were living, leaving each other voice note messages that were like 20 minutes long, like shamelessly just like projecting and like, you know, sharing all of our shit into that WhatsApp chat.
Um, and so I told her about human design and we were talking about, you know, all of these. I started reading psychological things that we were starting to get interested in because of my daughter, because I didn't want to project my traumas onto her. I started reading a lot of books that were books written by psychologists.
My favorite called Homecoming by John Bradshaw. And this really opened my eyes to just understanding myself, my inner child on such a deep level, understanding my child on a deep level. And Yeah, it was just this intense curiosity. I've always been fascinated, fascinated by humans since I'm a teenager.
Like I remember I would use my focused, penetrating aura to like read boys and like try to seduce them. Um, and even when I like did collage and I draw, it's always spaces. It's always spaces. I'm always. Incredibly interested in humans and the psychology that drives them and like the depth of their soul.
And so I was really going through this spiritual awakening and everything that I could find about human design was so ugly was so windows 98. I could barely find a resource of anybody that I felt connected to. And then three years later, three years after learning about my own human design and trying to figure things out by myself, I finally found a course that I was like, okay, this seems to make sense.
So I invested my savings into a training. To become a human design reader, but I swear, ladies and gentlemen, I had no plan of really making that a career never in my life. Had I thought about that being something that I would be able to make money with? I thought I was going to be the weird human design lady.
That at the end of dinner does a human design reading for their friends as a sign of gratitude for dinner. Right? Like the same way my friends who have a guitar play a song, I'd be like, Oh, let me do your human design. But the craziest shit happened. And that is that I did the human design training. I finished it in literally a week after the pandemic hit.
And with the pandemic, the doors closed and I was not allowed to leave my home. All of my jobs, all of my freelance jobs got paused. God postponed, got canceled. And I literally felt like that was a kick from the universe to step out of the spiritual closet. And share with the world the weird things that I was actually interested in.
And at that time I had a thousand followers on Instagram of whom nobody was interested in anything psychologically, spiritually involved. And mind you, I really believe the pandemic was a huge portal for our upleveling, like the amount of people that suddenly started to question their purpose, where their energy goes, what they're doing with their life.
Like it's crazy. The amount of interest for any tool that can help us understand ourselves and our purpose better got hyped so much. And I think it's a testament to my own alignment in the way that I do things that in a period where unfortunately so many people had to suffer. It was the moment in my life that I thrived the most.
I mean, theoretically last month was my most successful month from a money standpoint, but from a personal development point, from like, like that shift in my life where like finally everything made fucking sense and things were flowing. I could feel ease. I couldn't believe it. I'm like, what? That's how things feel like when you're doing the things that are aligned.
Like my mind was. When I started to use human design, when I, like, it was crazy. I started to talk about human design on my social media. I started to talk first about psychology. Then a little bit about human design and you can actually go to my highlights in my Instagram at Maike Gabriela And check it out Because you will see I start talking in Spanish because I started with my human design account in Spanish then it went was German In English and now it's only English But, um, the way that I talk, I'm like super shy and I'm like, it's so cute to watch.
I'm like, Oh my God, look at her. She's so cute. Um, I was so embarrassed. Like even I went to my therapist the other day and she's like, Oh my God, Mike, have you seen how far you've come? Like, I remember when you were sitting in my office and you were ashamed and afraid to say what you do for a living because you had so much shame around that.
Like. I grew up in a household where religion was okay. Like my father was very Christian, but, um, my mom was very spiritual. And actually my mom has a degree in psychotherapy. So I learned a lot of the things growing up in her conversation with her and the way she treated me, uh, that were very Freudian, but really gave me a deeper sense of understanding of how people operate, even from a very.
You know, like subconscious level that I just heard my parents talk about these things like I just picked it up growing up. Right. But I remember perfectly clear that my mom ordered these Osho cassettes and hid them underneath the couch. And I thought it was kind of like a joke. And when I told my dad, when he arrived from work, that my mom had these cassettes underneath the couch, like hell broke loose.
So there was a lot of shaming of anything spiritual. I grew up believing that if you're spiritual, you have to reject the material. If you are into things that aren't tangible, then you're not able to deal with reality, then you're trying to escape, then you're, you know, not grounded. Like there was a lot of name calling and judgment from especially my dad towards anybody who was, you know, into astrology or believed in mystical things or anything that was.
Just a little bit out there. And so I really had to work on that for myself and understand that. I think that that's actually one of the strengths that I have. And one of the things that I've gotten the most feedback about is that I am not moving in the spiritual world. Talking like this in a soft tone and like never using curse words like no, I bring up my whole authentic self as much as I can constantly all of the time.
And I'm allowed to express that even if I am connected to a lot of spiritual mystical practices. So I think that really creating a new narrative about who I am and who I am authentically because it took me such a long time to accept. That this is something I'm curious about. I was so embarrassed to talk about this on social media.
I was so afraid of the backlash, but there has to be a part of me that also just innately so connects to this. Like I so deeply have been supported by human design and. You know, my deconditioning process and all of the spiritual things that there's just this deep knowing inside me that it has worked for me and has brought me such incredible benefits.
And so I've never gotten that big of backlash, to be honest, like I barely have trolls on Instagram. Um, you know, I remember like the first time I talked about human design or not fitting in, in school, somebody from my school DM me and I thought that I didn't follow anybody, so that was really hilarious.
And they were like, Oh, I feel that too. And I'm like, Oh my God. So the feedback was so positive and I was, wow, I thought like people will think I'm fucking crazy, but everybody deeply resonated with the way that I shared things. And I got so many DMS and so much positive feedback that it really encouraged me to continue to speak on this.
And so my first readings were with my friends. You know, they knew they weren't to this. I shared my process, my journey. And so I gave a couple of free readings to my friends and through social media and word of mouth. I had this girl and she's like, Oh, I heard you do human design. I heard about it on a podcast.
I want to get my human design done. And I'm like, okay, I'm going to do it. And she's like, and I don't even know, I think I just said like, Oh, it's going to cost like 50 euros. And that was the first time that I charged for a reading and it took me two hours to fucking prepare I walked to that girl's house did a two hour fucking reading and walked back to my house And I was the happiest girl ever like I was jumping up and down in my little office with my hand on my heart being like God, I love you.
I can't believe I can make money with this because it feels so natural so good so aligned It just feels like it's speaking, like I'm speaking my own language, like I don't know how to translate or communicate to you how things feel, but it's glorious. It was finally, I understood what people talk about when they talk about gratitude.
The amount of gratitude journals that I have done that just felt fake, superficial and I didn't connect to at all versus how I felt, how my heart expanded, how I looked into the sky and like, thank God for this fucking opportunity to be alive, to feel this incredible heart expanse of feeling that giving human design readings was giving me and I could make money from this.
I'm like, what? And honestly, I don't even know, but one thing led to another and I was invited onto a podcast. And since I did that podcast, I started to be booked out a month in advance. And I'm not going to say that it's been the easiest journey, because I really think the amount of beliefs that I've had to overcome the amount of expansion that I have had, the continual growth in my business is a reflection of my continuing personal growth.
But even though I've really been through a lot of like, maybe not a lot, but like, I, I'm telling you, ladies and gentlemen, the last three years, since I started my business, things have been intensified, like plus 500. Even though I've been through dark moments, there was always some light shining through that allowed me to continue to pursue And to, you know, walk this path and know that this is my purpose and my path, even if it changes in the way that it looks, even if the structure changes, even if, you know, things are shifting, there's this thing that is continuously this flow, this energy, this resonance, this recognition that I know I can continue.
And if you want to know more about just really the business. Aspect of how I've grown my human design business or if you want to know how you could grow your own spiritual business Reach out to me and let me know if you want me to expand on this in a different episode Because it's long and complex and it won't fit in this one that already feels like it's super long.
Bye The moment human design came into my life, and I decided to pursue this because it was the most honest, authentic thing that I was curious about. Now, looking back, I'm like, how in the world did I think that working in fashion was aligned with who I am? Like, the people are mean, they're backstabbing, they're superficial.
I'm not like that at all. Like, I'm really Somebody who like tries to do things from a good hearted place. Like even though I've seen some shit I really hold on to my innocence to I'm the kind of person that i'm gonna love you until you show me That you don't deserve my trust. I'm not a person who like mistrusts everybody or dislikes everybody until you prove me.
You're good. Like those people I don't align to. And if you're like that, that's cool for you. No judgment, but I'm really like, I'm open hearted. I will love you. I will support you. I really believe that I have. A very positive outlook on life. Like even when things are shitty and things are dark, I'm trying to look at the, at the positivity of it all.
The way my life has aligned. And if I look at my life now, it's. So much more aligned. Like the stress that I would go through every time I had a new job as a model, like they tell you four hours before your flight leaves, or you have to take a flight like 20 minutes after your last picture on the shoot.
And you're like, how the fuck am I going to get on the car onto the airplane through the security check and onto my actual plane to get to my next destination. Like the amount of stress I was under constantly. And the, the, the way that you are treated in that industry by peers, by, you know, I don't know.
Like now looking back, I'm like the life that I have now, like I'm able to work from wherever I want. I make my own hours, I set my own price. If I want to spend time with my daughter, I can do so. If I want to have time to work, I can do so. I choose who I work with. I can choose who I want to work with. I have the most beautiful team.
And one of the things that I would have never expected is the amount of love and support and kind words that I get from my team because I have decided to run my business in a completely different way. Hence Soft Power, ladies and gentlemen, the way that I run my business is so completely different from that.
Anything my experts around me have advised me to do, and I've taken what has served me from them and I've turned around to make it work from what feels right for my heart. And my soul and everybody on my team works the same way and appreciates that they are allowed, that we're all allowed to stay in integrity, coming from a giving place and still have so much success and aligned success, because it doesn't matter what you create with your life.
And if that doesn't feel good to you, and if you don't wake up every day with that sense of fulfillment and fullness and gratefulness. an open hearted feeling that you're connected to something greater than what is that success worth? Because I truly believe there is no success without working hard.
And the way you work hard looks different depending on how you focus that, right? Like I believe that I work. A lot and hard, but I'm doing it from a place of softness and of gentleness and of love And of compassion and that is why I'm, so eternally grateful for all of you that have supported me in these last couple of years for everybody who Is continuously sending me DMs and emails and messages and everybody that I have impacted in the slightest, like, you don't understand how much you have impacted my life.
And I am so forever grateful to have this opportunity to share my journey and all of the human design knowledge and my experience with you. So that you too have the possibility and have one more tool in your toolbox to be able to expand your life and connect to what your soul truly desires. Not what your mind thinks you need to be happy and satisfied, but truly what your soul is telling you.
It needs to live the life you have come to live in this lifetime. So I hope that by sharing my journey, you feel less alone because I only found my purpose when I was 34 years old. And I have been searching since I'm 14 years old. Like I have been struggling because I have. I'm a Capricorn, but also I have my son in Gate 54, which is the most ambitious gate in human design.
And so I have struggled with this for such a long time and the amount of pain and shame and guilt, deep, deep, deep solitude and loneliness that I felt because I didn't feel connected to anything. And I couldn't for the life of me, figure out how to get shit right. I really hope that through sharing my journey, you feel less alone.
You gain a new perspective on your own life. Trust that you are meant to be on this earth because you have certain gifts and talents that are meant to share with the people around you and your community. And that you are here for a good reason. You are important. And in the next episodes of the Soft Power podcast, I will share with you more insights and tools.
So that you can start creating the life your soul is craving.