Prayer Investigator with Guest Becky Harling: Healing Father Wounds
[00:00:00] LINDA: My guest, Becky, needed healing from father wounds. Is that even possible? Stay tuned and find out. Welcome to the Prayer Investigator. I'm Linda Evans Shepard. My guest today is Becky Harling. Becky is the bestselling author of 15 books. She is a popular conference speaker, and she has appeared on many media events.
[00:00:26] LINDA: She's also a thriving coach. And she is the host of the Connected Mom podcast. Welcome to the show, Becky. It is great to be with you, Linda. I just love being with you, and I cannot wait to hear your story about father wounds. So many people have. Father wounds. And you say that the Lord healed you. I want to hear what happened.
[00:00:54] BECKY: Yeah. So, I am excited to share this story because like you said, so many people have father wounds. I have to say my father wound was not healed overnight. It's not like I prayed one prayer and poof, I was completely healed. But let me start at the beginning. So, I grew up in a home that from the outside looked perfect.
[00:01:18] BECKY: My dad was in ministry. He preached Jesus every Sunday. He was the vice president of a Bible college. My mom served in the church, but. inside our home, things were a mess. And so, my mom struggled with a lot of mental health issues. And my father, while he was preaching Jesus on Sunday in between was physically, emotionally, and sexually abusive.
[00:01:47] BECKY: But because that was my normal, I just didn't deal with it. I met Jesus when I was only three years old, and I had a very profound encounter with Jesus at three. So, I knew for sure that I love Jesus. But I wasn't so sure about God, the father, because in my mind, as a little girl, God, the father's eyes looked a lot like my father's eyes.
[00:02:14] BECKY: So I grew up with all this continually running. I'm. A natural achiever, went through high school in three years, went right into college, all the things and went into ministry with my husband. And while there were a lot of signs that something wasn't right, I didn't deal with all the trauma until I was going through breast cancer.
[00:02:40] BECKY: And then as I was dealing with breast cancer, the Lord said to me, Becky, beyond your physical healing from cancer, we need to do emotional and spiritual healing. And so, I began the long journey of counseling. Linda, I remember saying to the Lord, Lord, you could heal me in a minute. I believe that with all my heart, I could just pray to you and poof, I could be healed of all this trauma.
[00:03:11] BECKY: But the Lord said to me, I want you to do the same journey that I've called other women too. So that. I can use you later in their lives. And so I began this really long journey of counseling. I had a very godly mentor who prayed over me every day for seven years. Now imagine that every day she would call me and say, how are we doing today, Becky?
[00:03:37] BECKY: And I would get on my knees, and she would get on hers and she would pray over me. And God began to do this mighty work of healing in my life. And I remember a pivotal moment in that healing journey where a Christian leader told me, Becky, you need to forgive your father. I thought I already had, I was a good Christian girl, Linda.
[00:03:59] BECKY: And I thought, I have forgiven him. And this Christian leader said, I don't think you have. And I remember saying to him, what makes you think that? And he said, because I still see fear in your eyes. And that was a profound moment in the journey for me. And so, he recommended that I go back to the Lord and I asked the Lord to take me back to every memory.
[00:04:23] BECKY: And I voice out loud. I will forgive and that was profound to me, and along the way, I re-fell in love with the Lord's prayer, which, starts with our father who art in heaven. And that became really precious to me because as I praised God for being my father, who was good and holy and really nothing like my earthly father.
[00:04:52] BECKY: God began to do a deep healing work within my heart. And recently I was asked on an interview, Becky, when you say the Lord's prayer, does your mind go back to your father? And I had to pause and think for a minute. And I said, it. doesn't. I don't think about that very much anymore because God has completely healed me.
[00:05:15] BECKY: And so do I hope my father's in heaven? Absolutely. I hope he's there. I hope we can be reconciled because we were never reconciled here on this earth. He died before I dealt with all the abuse. And so that's my hope and prayer. But Father wounds run deep in people's lives, and they need to be healed by our Father who's in heaven.
[00:05:40] LINDA: There are so many people who've never spoken about it because of shame, and they don't know who to go to, but they can be here with us now. What is the first thing that you would tell someone how they could be free? The first thing I would tell them is God can't heal what you keep hidden when we come into God's presence in prayer.
[00:06:05] BECKY: We must be real and vulnerable, and then you really need to be real and vulnerable with a godly Christian counselor, a counselor that you feel safe with because sexual abuse. Does damage to our soul in a way that no other abuse really does. And so when you're abused like that, God does want to heal you, but he can't heal you if you keep it hidden.
[00:06:31] BECKY: So you've got to bring it out in the open because if you keep it hidden, shame runs the show. Oh, then what's the second thing that they need to do so they are real with God about it. They're open with him. They're talking to someone to help them to let go of it. What do they need to do next?
[00:06:50] BECKY: They need to go to the Lord in prayer and they need to really make a choice at that point. They believe God is real. And they're going to continue going to him or they're going to walk away. I remember a pivotal moment in my journey, Linda, where I was laying on the living room floor saying, Lord Jesus, nothing feels normal right now.
[00:07:12] BECKY: I feel like my entire life is falling apart. I know who you say you are. And in this moment, I'm going to choose to Trust that because where else would I go, like the disciples and so making that pivotal choice, Lord, I'm going to keep pursuing my faith. even though I'm walking through hell. And in doing that, Jesus met me because the Holy Spirit strengthens you to keep going.
[00:07:43] LINDA: At what point does one need to forgive God for allowing this to happen in the first place?
BECKY: Yeah, that's a good question. The journey of forgiveness is pivotal in this journey, and it doesn't happen quickly. And there's a lot to deal with in that. For me, it wasn't so much that I had to forgive God, I had to relearn how to trust God. Because if God allowed this to happen to me, He could allow it to happen to others that I loved. If God didn't protect me there, why would he protect me now? And trust is such a wonky journey, isn't it? We want to trust God, but sometimes we can't get our emotions there. And so I had to separate. I had to go back to the character of God.
[00:08:31] BECKY: So I went through the word of God, and I did a search for. Everything about his character. I wrote that on one side of a sheet of paper. On the other side, I wrote characteristics about my father, and I had to see that they were two completely different beings. And that allowed me to put my trust in God as my father.
[00:08:53] LINDA: How does one develop a walking in faith trust after dealing with so much abuse and heartache? A lot of people have asked me that question. And first of all, I would say it's the grace of God in my life. Second, I would say I was surrounded by some people who were committed to my healing.
[00:09:15] BECKY: So I had a Christian therapist. I had a Christian counselor. I had a husband who was willing to walk this journey with me. And I kept going back to God. And I kept saying, I'm going to praise you for who you are. Even though I don't feel like it in my emotions and choosing to do that really opened new intimacy with God as my father for me.
[00:09:41] BECKY: I use music in my worship time every morning. I continue to do that to this day. I'm down on my knees early in the morning. I listened to praise music and worship music, and I allow it to prompt my praise. Now there are some mornings where I don't feel like doing that. However, When I do that, the presence of God comes close, and He gives me a deeper understanding for who He is.
[00:10:06] LINDA: I think you just hit on something important. No matter what we're going through, knowing that the presence of God is right there with us. We don't wake up some mornings and go, Oh, where's God? He's not here today. He is always with us. How can we just be confident of that? Yeah, I want to answer that.
[00:10:25] BECKY: But first, let me backtrack for one second because your question triggered a thought in my mind. So, a lot of people have asked me, Okay, Becky, where was God when this was happening to you? And what I tell them is that God was weeping. This was not his plan for my life. This was an evil plan. Now God took the evil and he turned around for good in my life.
[00:10:49] BECKY: But when I was being abused, God was weeping because he doesn't want us to go through that. And so, if your listeners are listening and they're like, yeah, I was abused, where was God? I believe he was weeping with you. And so Part of my journey to trust him and to realize he's always with me was actually a picture that God gave me.
[00:11:11] BECKY: I'll never forget it. I was in a hotel room in New York City, and I was on my face before the Lord and I just was weeping because of the heartache in my soul over all this abuse, feeling like I'm never going to be whole. And in that moment, God gave me A very distinct picture. It was almost like a vision, and he took me into heaven, and I saw myself as a little girl seated on God, the father's lap and he was holding me and I wasn't afraid and in his eyes.
[00:11:46] BECKY: I saw tears running down his almighty face, and I realized in that moment God is for me. He is not against me. He didn't want this to happen to that precious little girl, but he will use it in my life for good and for his glory. And look at how you're helping people. You're helping people who are viewing us right now to let go and to know that God does not hate them, loves them.
[00:12:20] LINDA: Yeah, absolutely. God is for you. And listeners, I want you to hear me say that God is on your side, and he wants to bring that whole healing. In fact, I just read. This morning that verse, for by grace, we are saved. That word for saved that's used there is sozo, which implies whole life healing.
[00:12:43] LINDA: So it's not just about your salvation. It's about your healing. And God wants that for you. Oh, imagine that God. wants you to be free. He wants you to be healed. He wants you to understand that his presence is with you and despite your past, he was there, and he was weeping for you and he was caring for you the entire time.
[00:13:10] LINDA: Can you lead us in a prayer for those who you. Just aren't there yet. They're still hurting, and they just need somebody to hold their hand and help them pray through this. Yes, absolutely. Listeners, if you're listening right now, as I get ready to pray, I want to challenge you to open your hands and put all that heart in your hands.
[00:13:30] BECKY: And then I want to challenge you to lift it up. up to God. Lord Jesus, we praise you because you are God. You are gentle with us. You see us when we're hurting. You see the abuse and the betrayal that we've gone through, but you are bigger. You are greater and you want. to heal us. And so today we say, yes, Lord Jesus, we receive your healing.
[00:14:01] BECKY: We want it from the top of our heads to the tip of our toes in Jesus’ name. Amen. And I'm going to just say, Lord, you are my God. You are my peace. You are my restore, and you have me by the hand, and I just give you all the fear and the anger and the hurt, and I just push it to you because Jesus died on the cross to bear this burden, and we just give it to you, Lord, and I declare I am free.
[00:14:39] LINDA: In Jesus name. Becky, do you have one more word of wisdom for our viewers? Yeah, if your story is similar to my story, and particularly if it was your father, look at what scripture says about God the Father. Look at the interactions that Jesus had with God as his father. He called him Abba, my daddy.
[00:15:06] LINDA: And I love that. Oh, that's so beautiful. And how can people reach you? Hey, I would love them to get in touch with me. Visit me at my website. I've got all kinds of free gifts up right now to give you. And I put out a devotional blog every Monday morning that's meant to just encourage you in your journey with Jesus.
[00:15:26] BECKY: And I have a new Bible study out called Our Father, and it's on the Lord's Prayer. And particularly if you have any kind of father wounds. This is your study. It's really designed to help you find healing and wholeness. Go to my website, Becky Harling dot com.
LINDA: Oh, thank you, Becky. I so loved having you today.
[00:15:50] BECKY: Hey, I loved being here with you, Linda.
LINDA: So, fun. And if you enjoy today's show, could you like, share, subscribe, and ring that bell and we have a gift for you. It is a beautiful blessing that I pray over you. You can play it, pray it, and print it. Just go to my prayer gift.com and remember this, God loves you and he wants you to talk to him.
[00:16:24] See you next time.