WEBVTT 00:00:00.959 --> 00:00:04.559 I was that dad. 00:00:06.480 --> 00:00:15.599 I was that dad that messed up our finances so bad that I put our family in jeopardy. 00:00:17.760 --> 00:00:19.280 I was that dad. 00:00:22.000 --> 00:00:28.480 With the electricity cut off and the water cut off and the house in foreclosure, I was that dad. 00:00:30.559 --> 00:00:34.079 My wife Sharon and I, we started off with nothing when we got married. 00:00:34.240 --> 00:00:36.399 How many of y'all started off with nothing? 00:00:37.200 --> 00:00:40.159 You remember we ain't got money, honey, but we got love. 00:00:41.439 --> 00:00:43.920 Good thing, too, because we ain't got any money. 00:00:44.640 --> 00:00:49.520 And I started buying and selling real estate, and I got rich, at least by a kid from Antioch, Tennessee's standards. 00:00:49.679 --> 00:00:53.520 I ended up with about four million dollars worth of real estate by the time I was 26 years old. 00:00:53.759 --> 00:00:55.679 Where I grew up, that's rich. 00:00:56.000 --> 00:00:57.359 We were having fun. 00:00:57.840 --> 00:00:59.600 But I had done stupid. 00:00:59.840 --> 00:01:04.400 The stupid was I had borrowed so much money up to my eyeballs that I couldn't breathe. 00:01:04.640 --> 00:01:06.319 The bank got sold to another bank. 00:01:06.480 --> 00:01:08.000 I know that never happens here. 00:01:08.959 --> 00:01:13.760 And some banker in another city looked down and said, kid 26 years old owes us millions of dollars. 00:01:13.920 --> 00:01:16.400 Let's limit this relationship. 00:01:16.799 --> 00:01:19.599 Which is banker talk for ruining his life. 00:01:20.879 --> 00:01:22.719 And they called our notes. 00:01:24.239 --> 00:01:33.599 And we spent the next two and a half years of our life selling everything and having everything taken and losing everything that we owned. 00:01:34.319 --> 00:01:35.920 We were sued so many times. 00:01:36.079 --> 00:01:41.840 The guy with the sheriff's department that brings those little lawsuit papers, we're on a first name basis with the old boy. 00:01:42.319 --> 00:01:44.400 My wife's making him cookies. 00:01:45.760 --> 00:01:47.439 Just come on in, Harold. 00:01:51.760 --> 00:01:54.159 I was so scared I couldn't breathe. 00:01:56.000 --> 00:01:57.280 We fought it. 00:02:01.680 --> 00:02:03.599 You tell somebody you're gonna pay them, you pay them. 00:02:03.840 --> 00:02:05.359 That's how I was raised. 00:02:05.680 --> 00:02:06.959 And I worked my tail off. 00:02:07.120 --> 00:02:07.760 We sold everything. 00:02:07.840 --> 00:02:09.360 I worked 100 hours a week. 00:02:09.439 --> 00:02:13.280 I did everything I knew how to do, but it wasn't enough because there was a tsunami had hit our life. 00:02:13.439 --> 00:02:15.280 A tsunami of my stupidity. 00:02:16.800 --> 00:02:17.919 And I couldn't stop it. 00:02:19.840 --> 00:02:21.439 I was so scared I couldn't breathe. 00:02:22.319 --> 00:02:25.280 Had two little babies and a marriage hanging on by a thread. 00:02:25.599 --> 00:02:29.520 Number one cause of divorce in North America today: money fights and money problems. 00:02:30.000 --> 00:02:31.039 We didn't get a divorce. 00:02:31.120 --> 00:02:34.159 We held on to each other, but sometimes it was just to get a better grip. 00:02:36.400 --> 00:02:40.960 My wife is from the hills of East Tennessee, frying pan, throwing theirs an Olympic event. 00:02:45.680 --> 00:02:49.439 And I remember standing in the shower with it as hot as I could stand it. 00:02:51.520 --> 00:02:53.599 And I would just stand there and cry. 00:02:55.360 --> 00:02:57.199 Because I didn't know what to do. 00:02:59.120 --> 00:03:08.879 I spent that two and a half years getting a thorough understanding that the borrower is slave to the lender. 00:03:11.120 --> 00:03:14.159 You know, sometimes I run into people, they say, Well, David, there's good debt. 00:03:14.240 --> 00:03:16.000 There's times you need to use debt. 00:03:16.240 --> 00:03:18.879 Although I can't find that anywhere in the Bible. 00:03:19.199 --> 00:03:21.759 David's there's good debt! And I say, you know what? 00:03:21.840 --> 00:03:23.280 I'm not gonna argue with you. 00:03:23.599 --> 00:03:27.919 Because a man with an experience is not at the mercy of a man with an opinion. 00:03:30.479 --> 00:03:35.120 I've been there, I've done that, and I've got the t-shirt. 00:03:35.680 --> 00:03:37.759 And it's an ugly shirt. 00:03:41.520 --> 00:03:49.199 And finally, after fighting and scratching and clawing and not knowing what to do, we just gave up. 00:03:49.360 --> 00:03:51.520 I'm not proud of that, but we did. 00:03:52.240 --> 00:03:58.319 On September 23rd of 1988, we filed bankruptcy. 00:03:59.840 --> 00:04:02.800 I was that bad. 00:04:03.759 --> 00:04:06.639 And I was born that year. 00:04:07.039 --> 00:04:11.599 And so I was born in April, and mom and dad filed in September. 00:04:12.000 --> 00:04:16.399 And some people tell me that I was born at the worst possible time. 00:04:17.199 --> 00:04:18.319 The crash. 00:04:19.040 --> 00:04:24.079 But I see it differently because I think I was born at the best time. 00:04:24.800 --> 00:04:27.040 Because it was their fresh start. 00:04:27.839 --> 00:04:40.319 So you see, I not only had a front row seat of watching Dave and Sharon Ramsey figure out how to handle money, but I got to see them open up scripture and figure out God's ways of handling money. 00:04:40.639 --> 00:04:45.920 And because of that, I believe my life and my legacy has forever been changed. 00:04:46.240 --> 00:04:58.160 And that's not because I'm Dave Ramsey's daughter, but that's because I had a mom and a dad who took the time to teach me and give me the knowledge of what scripture says about money. 00:04:58.319 --> 00:05:02.079 And so now as an adult, I can stand on that foundation. 00:05:02.480 --> 00:05:10.319 And I think that's why one of my favorite calls on the Dave Ramsey show, Dad's radio show, is when people call in to do their debt-free screams. 00:05:10.639 --> 00:05:21.439 If you've heard this, people will call in and they'll share their journey about how they got out of masses amounts of debt payments and now are completely debt-free. 00:05:21.680 --> 00:05:28.879 And in front of six million listeners on the radio, they get to scream out at the top of their lungs that they are debt-free. 00:05:29.199 --> 00:05:33.120 And Dad actually does the radio show live in our office in Nashville. 00:05:33.279 --> 00:05:40.879 And so when you come into our office building, off to the right is Dad's radio studio with a big glass wall, so you can literally watch him do the show. 00:05:41.120 --> 00:05:44.480 Across from that, there's a little cafe called Martha's Place. 00:05:44.720 --> 00:05:49.519 And Martha's Place, there's cookies and cakes and cappuccinos and coffee being made. 00:05:49.759 --> 00:06:03.680 And so people will literally drive or fly from all across America to come to Nashville, Tennessee and Financial Peace Plaza to not only watch the show, but do their debt-free screams live in the lobby. 00:06:05.199 --> 00:06:13.680 And what's what the really the perk about working at the office is I get to walk through that lobby between one and four, and I get to meet these people. 00:06:13.839 --> 00:06:15.680 I get to hear their stories. 00:06:23.199 --> 00:06:31.040 You'll meet the single mom who drove up from Atlanta with her 15-year-old teenage son, and as a single mom, she just became debt-free. 00:06:37.040 --> 00:06:42.160 But the ones that always get me are the young families that come in. 00:06:42.399 --> 00:06:49.600 The doors to our office will open up and a little five-year-old boy will come sprinting in because he's been in the car for eight hours. 00:06:51.360 --> 00:07:02.959 A dad will walk in behind him with a little two or three-year-old girl in little footy pajamas grabbing onto his leg, and her little blonde curls are stuck to her face because she's been asleep. 00:07:03.519 --> 00:07:10.639 And then a very, very, very tired mom walks in behind them with a nine-month-old on her hip. 00:07:10.959 --> 00:07:14.079 And this family gets ready for their big debt-free scream. 00:07:14.160 --> 00:07:31.360 You know, they've driven from Oklahoma City to get here, and the parents put on their radio headsets with the microphone, and they get on the call with dad, and they'll say things like, Dave, I took out an extra job, and I worked nights and weekends for 11 months to finally pay off the student loan. 00:07:32.240 --> 00:07:38.560 The mom will say, Dave, we we've taken a beach vacation down in Florida every year with the kids, and this year we didn't go. 00:07:38.720 --> 00:07:44.079 And we took all the money we were gonna spend on that vacation, and we paid off my van finally. 00:07:45.360 --> 00:07:49.199 And dad will then say these magical words. 00:07:49.439 --> 00:07:52.160 He'll say, Okay, guys, count it down. 00:07:52.319 --> 00:07:55.680 Let's hear your big debt-free scream. 00:07:56.160 --> 00:08:10.720 And as I watch this little family in our lobby, those parents gather up those kids, and they bend down for the kids to reach the microphone, and the two little ones get really excited, they kind of start jumping up and down because they know they have a job to do. 00:08:11.279 --> 00:08:14.480 And they've been practicing for eight hours for this point. 00:08:16.720 --> 00:08:30.160 But these sweet parents who literally have moved mountains and made sacrifices for these kids get to bend down, and that dad, he gets to say, three, two, one. 00:08:31.199 --> 00:08:40.240 And in unison, this whole family with these little chipmunk voices in the background just scream out together, We're debt free. 00:08:42.159 --> 00:08:45.919 And every time I hear those calls, it just makes me cry. 00:08:46.559 --> 00:08:57.679 Because I think I was that little girl, and I just want to grab her little face and my hands and just say, Do you have any idea what your parents have just done for you? 00:08:58.240 --> 00:09:01.919 Do you have any idea the legacy that's being left for you? 00:09:02.720 --> 00:09:11.440 Because I think, you know, my parents, they could have gone right back into their old ways, but they took scripture and they believed it when it says the borrower's slave to the lender. 00:09:11.759 --> 00:09:14.799 And they drew a line in the sand, they said, Enough is enough. 00:09:15.200 --> 00:09:18.000 And because of that, my life has been changed. 00:09:18.240 --> 00:09:26.399 So when I see that little girl, I get so excited for her in the next 10, 15, 20 years because I was that little girl. 00:09:27.600 --> 00:09:37.360 So, how do we raise our children in such a way that they become biblically wise, money smart adults? 00:09:37.519 --> 00:09:39.600 Because, see, some people say we want to raise good kids. 00:09:39.759 --> 00:09:40.879 I don't want to raise good kids. 00:09:41.039 --> 00:09:43.600 I want to raise kids that become adults and leave. 00:09:50.480 --> 00:09:53.440 Want to raise biblically wise, money smart kids. 00:09:53.519 --> 00:09:54.639 How do we do this? 00:09:54.879 --> 00:10:02.879 Well, Rachel and I have got a lot of opinions on this, and if we're gonna make this stew, this recipe of biblically smart, money-wise adults, how do we do it? 00:10:03.039 --> 00:10:03.600 We're not sure. 00:10:03.679 --> 00:10:08.879 There's a lot of things that go into parenting, and those of you that are parents like me, you know it's messy, and you know we're not perfect. 00:10:08.960 --> 00:10:10.399 None of us do everything, right? 00:10:10.720 --> 00:10:16.960 And so I'm not sure exactly what all the elements are in this recipe, but I do know three things that have to go in the pot. 00:10:18.320 --> 00:10:19.840 Three things that have to go in there. 00:10:20.000 --> 00:10:26.320 The first one is this you have to teach your children, God owns it all. 00:10:27.600 --> 00:10:28.799 It starts there. 00:10:29.039 --> 00:10:32.000 You don't own anything. 00:10:32.480 --> 00:10:36.240 The Bible says the earth is the Lord's and the fullness thereof. 00:10:36.799 --> 00:10:38.879 God owns it all. 00:10:39.919 --> 00:10:47.440 If you understand that at four, at eight, at fourteen, at twenty four, or at fifty-four, it changes your life. 00:10:47.840 --> 00:10:55.200 And it changes the way you handle money because you manage other people's money differently than you manage money you own. 00:10:56.240 --> 00:10:59.519 And when you realize you're not an owner, you're just a manager. 00:10:59.840 --> 00:11:10.480 God owns it all, and you have a responsibility to manage the blessings that He has put in your life, well, it changes how you view money. 00:11:10.799 --> 00:11:28.639 Now, we've worked really hard on this, and we didn't have like God owns it all summits or anything like that, but as there were conversations that were going on, we were constantly reminding our kids, because here's what happens: if you think it's all about you, then money, you're gonna make all kinds of money mistakes that have to do with you being all about you. 00:11:28.720 --> 00:11:30.399 That's called selfishness. 00:11:30.639 --> 00:11:38.960 And when you teach people that it's not all about you, that God owns it all, it changes the whole discussion for adults, but certainly for kids. 00:11:39.279 --> 00:11:40.000 Certainly. 00:11:40.240 --> 00:11:44.639 An example was one time we finally got, you know, when we went broke, we were driving hoopties, right? 00:11:44.720 --> 00:11:46.320 Y'all ever drive an old beat-up car? 00:11:46.799 --> 00:11:50.000 And we had one car, the predominant color on this puppy was Bondo. 00:11:51.519 --> 00:12:02.000 And finally, we moved up through cars, you know, over time we started handling money God's ways, we started winning, we got a little better car, a little better car, and we finally got a legitimately nice used car. 00:12:02.159 --> 00:12:07.840 Now, I don't know what you guys do when you get a nice new used car at your place, but we celebrate. 00:12:07.919 --> 00:12:11.519 We would get everybody in the car and ride around the block and go, woo, car, you know. 00:12:11.600 --> 00:12:13.200 You all know what I'm talking about, right? 00:12:14.000 --> 00:12:19.919 Rachel's little brother Daniel, at that time, he was about six or eight years old, and I'll never forget the little guy, he's full of himself. 00:12:20.000 --> 00:12:21.679 And we just finished our little drive around. 00:12:21.759 --> 00:12:28.480 We pulled up in the driveway, and he's in the backseat, and he flops back in the backseat with his arms across the back, like only a little boy can do. 00:12:28.879 --> 00:12:32.799 And says, Dad, we're doing pretty good. 00:12:36.159 --> 00:12:39.440 I started laughing and I said, I'm doing pretty good. 00:12:39.600 --> 00:12:40.879 You got nothing. 00:12:45.440 --> 00:12:47.759 It was cute and it was kind of a fun moment. 00:12:47.919 --> 00:12:52.559 But the truth is you got to constantly inject into them that they don't own it. 00:12:53.519 --> 00:12:55.440 They're not entitled. 00:12:56.639 --> 00:13:03.840 Entitlement is a particular kind of arrogance that has to do with you don't know your position in the universe. 00:13:04.080 --> 00:13:06.559 Entitlement seems to think that you are God. 00:13:07.679 --> 00:13:11.360 Instead of God owns it all, and you're not God. 00:13:11.600 --> 00:13:15.039 So you have to teach your kids, God owns it all. 00:13:16.240 --> 00:13:19.840 You also want to teach your kids the value of work. 00:13:20.799 --> 00:13:23.360 In Scripture, it says the diligent prosper. 00:13:23.679 --> 00:13:26.720 You want to teach your kids how and why to work. 00:13:26.879 --> 00:13:30.480 And more importantly, you want to teach your kids that money comes from work. 00:13:30.720 --> 00:13:33.679 Money does not come from mom and dad's back pocket. 00:13:34.240 --> 00:13:39.279 And so, growing up in the Ramsey house, as kids, we were never given an allowance. 00:13:39.759 --> 00:13:41.840 We were always on commission. 00:13:43.759 --> 00:13:45.360 So you work, you get paid. 00:13:45.519 --> 00:13:47.120 You don't work, you don't get paid. 00:13:47.279 --> 00:13:50.799 And so from early on, we associated that money comes from work. 00:13:50.960 --> 00:13:54.000 And you do this with your kids, obviously, age appropriate, right? 00:13:54.159 --> 00:13:58.399 A four-year-old works in the house differently than a 14-year-old, so it's all age appropriate. 00:13:58.559 --> 00:14:06.639 But once they they do some things around the house, do some chores, make some money, then there's really three basic things your kids can do with money when they're under your roof. 00:14:06.879 --> 00:14:10.240 The first thing you want to teach them to do is to spend wisely. 00:14:10.399 --> 00:14:14.960 Take some money they've earned and let them spend wisely and show them how you spend wisely. 00:14:15.120 --> 00:14:22.879 I mean, moms, when you're at the grocery store with your kids, show them that you're buying, you know, possibly the generic brand cereal, you know, versus the the big branded cereal. 00:14:23.120 --> 00:14:23.679 Things like that. 00:14:23.840 --> 00:14:25.919 Show them how to spend their money wisely. 00:14:26.159 --> 00:14:32.240 And when they spend money that they've earned, they have to they feel something that's so crucial. 00:14:32.480 --> 00:14:35.200 They start to feel that money is finite. 00:14:36.080 --> 00:14:39.039 That once it's gone, it's gone. 00:14:39.519 --> 00:14:42.639 And there's a boundary in place, there's a limit with money. 00:14:42.720 --> 00:14:44.960 And so letting your kids experience that. 00:14:45.200 --> 00:14:50.159 You also want your kids to experience the the the principle of saving money. 00:14:50.480 --> 00:14:54.799 In Proverbs it says, in the house of the wise, there are stores of choice food and oil. 00:14:54.960 --> 00:14:57.440 A foolish man devours all he has. 00:14:58.080 --> 00:15:00.000 Wise people save. 00:15:00.399 --> 00:15:03.039 Foolish people spend everything they make. 00:15:03.360 --> 00:15:05.120 Teach your kids to save. 00:15:05.279 --> 00:15:06.720 And again, age appropriate. 00:15:06.799 --> 00:15:12.080 So when you have little, little kids, you know, six, seven, eight years old, let them have a savings goal that they're working towards. 00:15:12.240 --> 00:15:15.200 But maybe they just take some two or three weeks to save for. 00:15:15.360 --> 00:15:19.679 But the older they get, the more expensive their goals will probably become. 00:15:19.919 --> 00:15:27.279 When we were about 10 or 11 years old in the Ramsey House, mom and dad told us that they were not going to pay for our cars when we turned 16. 00:15:27.519 --> 00:15:32.240 That we had to save up money, and what they were going to do was match how much we saved. 00:15:32.480 --> 00:15:35.360 Dad called that his 401 Dave plan. 00:15:37.200 --> 00:15:45.120 And so my sister, who's two and a half years older than me, when she turned 16, I was watching in the background to see if they were really gonna keep their word and do it, and they did. 00:15:45.360 --> 00:15:48.399 And so I went into full gear at that point. 00:15:48.559 --> 00:15:52.159 At 13, I thought, okay, I want a better car than my sister. 00:15:53.039 --> 00:15:54.240 And I just want a good car. 00:15:54.320 --> 00:15:56.399 And so I kind of had this goal, and I just went for it. 00:15:56.559 --> 00:16:01.039 I mean, I I worked weekends, I worked nights, I mean, I I did, I mean, I was crazy. 00:16:01.120 --> 00:16:04.559 I just worked all the time because I was saving up for this big goal. 00:16:04.720 --> 00:16:07.600 And by the time I turned 16, I had saved$8,000. 00:16:08.320 --> 00:16:12.320 So I got a$16,000 car at 16 years old. 00:16:12.559 --> 00:16:21.840 And and I tell you that, parents, not because of the amounts necessarily, or even the fact that mom and dad matched us, because maybe financially you're not in a place where you can match your kids, and that's okay. 00:16:22.320 --> 00:16:27.279 But what that did for me at 16 years old is I learned sacrifice. 00:16:27.759 --> 00:16:29.440 I learned patience. 00:16:29.679 --> 00:16:31.919 I learned delayed gratification. 00:16:32.159 --> 00:16:39.919 And I'm telling you, when I sat in that car at 16 years old, I drove that car much differently than my friends who were just given cars. 00:16:40.799 --> 00:16:43.120 Everything changes when it's you doing it. 00:16:43.200 --> 00:16:47.200 And getting that foundation under me at 16, I believe, was such a gift. 00:16:47.360 --> 00:16:48.799 So teach your kids to save. 00:16:48.960 --> 00:16:53.600 And lastly, you want to teach your kids, it's probably the most important aspect, is giving. 00:16:54.080 --> 00:16:58.720 You want to teach your kids to give and to live with this open-handed mentality. 00:16:59.200 --> 00:17:03.200 In Genesis, it says we were created in the image of God. 00:17:04.079 --> 00:17:07.599 And God is the biggest giver of us all. 00:17:08.559 --> 00:17:14.960 So if we were made in his image and he is a giver, we were created to be givers. 00:17:15.680 --> 00:17:22.640 And letting your six, seven, fourteen-year-old experience that part of their DNA is incredible. 00:17:22.799 --> 00:17:26.720 And this is not you necessarily handing them a dollar coming into church. 00:17:27.200 --> 00:17:33.359 This is them doing chores throughout the week, and they are giving part of the money that they've earned away. 00:17:34.000 --> 00:17:39.200 And when you do that week after week, month after month, year after year, their little hearts change. 00:17:39.440 --> 00:17:42.000 And some parents say, well, do I force my kids to give? 00:17:42.079 --> 00:17:43.599 Is that something I make them do? 00:17:43.759 --> 00:17:45.039 I would say yes. 00:17:45.359 --> 00:17:51.519 You make them brush their teeth, you make them study for tests, you make them do things and do that. 00:17:51.599 --> 00:17:58.240 And it may be, you know, a pushback at first, but again, gradually I believe they become more and more like Christ when they're able to do that. 00:17:58.400 --> 00:18:07.119 And so laying this foundation of a work ethic and being able to handle their money wisely as kids gives them a solid, solid foundation to stand on. 00:18:07.920 --> 00:18:09.680 So we're gonna teach them God owns it all. 00:18:09.759 --> 00:18:16.480 We're gonna teach them the value of work, and the third thing is we're gonna teach them that contentment is the antidote. 00:18:16.880 --> 00:18:20.000 Contentment is the antidote to what's going on in our culture. 00:18:20.160 --> 00:18:25.200 The infection into the spirit of your child that is coming out of this culture in materialism. 00:18:25.359 --> 00:18:26.799 You have to teach contentment. 00:18:26.960 --> 00:18:27.680 You have to work at it. 00:18:27.759 --> 00:18:32.000 Because the Bible says godliness with contentment is great gain. 00:18:32.160 --> 00:18:33.920 You see, when you're content, you can save. 00:18:34.079 --> 00:18:35.119 When you're content, you can give. 00:18:35.279 --> 00:18:42.880 When you're content, you can get out of debt, and you can avoid debt because you're not buying things you can't afford with money you don't have to impress people you don't really like. 00:18:44.400 --> 00:18:45.680 Contentment changes everything. 00:18:45.759 --> 00:18:52.000 And content people are neat people, they they not only they don't always have the best of everything, but they always make the best of everything. 00:18:52.319 --> 00:18:56.240 Have you ever, as a parent, and I've had this happen and I messed it up, y'all, I'll just admit it. 00:18:56.400 --> 00:18:58.960 Have you ever bought a really cool toy for your three-year-old? 00:18:59.119 --> 00:19:00.640 For birthday or for Christmas? 00:19:00.960 --> 00:19:06.720 And they open it up and they're, woohoo! And you look over 20 minutes later and they're playing with the box. 00:19:08.400 --> 00:19:10.480 They're just as content as they can be. 00:19:10.720 --> 00:19:12.319 Now, I had to fix that, of course. 00:19:12.400 --> 00:19:13.519 I had to teach the materialism. 00:19:13.599 --> 00:19:16.000 I'm like, no, no, no, no, play with the expensive toy. 00:19:16.079 --> 00:19:17.759 That's what was, you know, you missed the point here. 00:19:17.920 --> 00:19:19.279 And they're like, no, I'm good. 00:19:19.440 --> 00:19:20.480 I'm content. 00:19:21.200 --> 00:19:24.079 See, you don't always have the best of everything, but they make the best of everything. 00:19:24.160 --> 00:19:27.200 It's like the two little boys that were being studied in a psychological profile. 00:19:27.279 --> 00:19:29.920 One of them was a pessimist and one of them was an optimist. 00:19:30.240 --> 00:19:37.200 And they put the little pessimist in a in a room glass walled full of manure, and they put the little optimist in a room glass wall full of manure. 00:19:37.359 --> 00:19:41.599 And they came back a few hours later, and the little pessimist sitting in the corner crying, and they said, Why are you crying? 00:19:41.839 --> 00:19:44.480 He said, Well, you set me in a room full of manure. 00:19:44.720 --> 00:19:47.359 He said, Nothing good ever happens to me. 00:19:47.759 --> 00:19:52.799 And they go over to the little optimist, and he's in there throwing the manure up in the air. 00:19:53.119 --> 00:19:54.960 We go, what are you doing? 00:19:55.200 --> 00:19:59.519 And he said, With all this manure, there's got to be a pony in here somewhere. 00:20:05.599 --> 00:20:07.920 So where does contentment come from? 00:20:08.079 --> 00:20:09.680 How do we start that process? 00:20:09.839 --> 00:20:18.000 I'm not sure exactly, but we've studied this a lot and thought about it and prayed over it a lot, and we know at least one element of content people is they're grateful people. 00:20:18.160 --> 00:20:20.799 Teach your children to be grateful people. 00:20:21.200 --> 00:20:24.000 Grateful people, by the way, are beautiful people. 00:20:24.640 --> 00:20:26.880 Ungrateful people are ugly. 00:20:28.000 --> 00:20:30.000 They're ugly human beings. 00:20:30.480 --> 00:20:31.599 And so teach them grateful. 00:20:31.680 --> 00:20:34.720 And it starts with something as simple as saying, thank you. 00:20:35.359 --> 00:20:36.640 That's gratitude. 00:20:37.039 --> 00:20:37.680 Thank you. 00:20:37.839 --> 00:20:39.279 And by the way, mean it. 00:20:40.000 --> 00:20:42.720 Thank you, Gateway, for letting us be here today. 00:20:42.960 --> 00:20:45.279 We're really glad we're here. 00:20:45.519 --> 00:20:50.720 Thank you, God, for putting this at the end of my arm, this amazing thing called a hand. 00:20:51.920 --> 00:20:54.160 And look, you gave me two of them. 00:20:55.119 --> 00:20:56.160 Thank you, Lord. 00:20:56.720 --> 00:20:58.640 You can count your blessings, can't you? 00:20:59.200 --> 00:21:00.319 That's gratitude. 00:21:00.480 --> 00:21:04.160 And you know, gratitude never happens when people aren't humble. 00:21:04.400 --> 00:21:08.319 So teach not humiliation, but humility. 00:21:08.559 --> 00:21:11.599 Humility simply means that you're not the center of the universe. 00:21:11.759 --> 00:21:16.000 You know, some households, the children are in charge, have you noticed? 00:21:16.400 --> 00:21:19.519 Some households, the inmates are running the asylum. 00:21:21.680 --> 00:21:28.480 And this is a problem, because that is not a humble child that can become a grateful child that can become a contented adult. 00:21:28.880 --> 00:21:33.759 And so teaching humility that you're not the center of the universe, I know that thing's sticking out of the top of your head. 00:21:33.839 --> 00:21:36.559 You think it's the axis of the world, but it's not, baby. 00:21:36.720 --> 00:21:38.960 I mean, we had this Bill Cosby discussion with our kids. 00:21:39.039 --> 00:21:41.599 We explained to him, we said, you know, we love you. 00:21:41.839 --> 00:21:43.200 We will do anything for you. 00:21:43.359 --> 00:21:47.039 I would die for you, but I'm also the one that might kill you. 00:21:48.880 --> 00:21:52.079 Because I can take you out and make another one look just like you. 00:21:54.559 --> 00:21:56.240 It's not all about you. 00:21:56.960 --> 00:21:59.759 And if you do this, it changes the little hearts and generosity. 00:22:00.000 --> 00:22:01.680 Generosity is at the core of this too. 00:22:01.920 --> 00:22:04.559 Generosity is the antidote for selfishness. 00:22:04.720 --> 00:22:06.720 And it teaches a type of humility. 00:22:06.960 --> 00:22:10.319 When you teach generosity, it moves people away from selfishness. 00:22:10.480 --> 00:22:16.640 When our kids were little, Rachel was the strong-willed child, the one that would put her hands on her hips at three years old and just defy you. 00:22:16.880 --> 00:22:18.720 Yeah, Robson wrote a book about her. 00:22:18.960 --> 00:22:19.920 Strong-willed child. 00:22:20.000 --> 00:22:30.400 And so she went off to kindergarten, and the little kindergarten teacher told the kids, write a, write a, draw a little picture and write down what you would do if you had a hundred dollars. 00:22:30.960 --> 00:22:32.799 If you had a hundred dollars. 00:22:33.039 --> 00:22:35.680 Now we started reading this when she brought it home with her homework papers. 00:22:35.839 --> 00:22:39.359 My wife, Sharon, and I, we're cracking up at these five-year-old kids. 00:22:39.839 --> 00:22:41.839 If I had a hundred dollars, Scott H. 00:22:42.079 --> 00:22:45.599 says, I'd want a car that changes into everything. 00:22:46.000 --> 00:22:51.519 He's five! Allison says, if I had a hundred dollars, I'd buy a little dollhouse. 00:22:51.759 --> 00:22:58.079 Andrew L says, if I had a hundred dollars, I'd buy a swimming pool with a diving board, a football, a gun, and a bomb. 00:23:00.640 --> 00:23:03.200 Put this kid on the terrorist watch list. 00:23:05.200 --> 00:23:11.119 So all these little characters in here, and our little character, we figure hers is going to be the cutest, funniest of them all. 00:23:11.359 --> 00:23:13.680 Which was actually God setting us up. 00:23:14.480 --> 00:23:19.440 Because when we flipped to Rachel's page, it just took our breath away. 00:23:19.759 --> 00:23:22.799 And Sharon, my wife, and I sat in the floor and cried. 00:23:23.359 --> 00:23:29.039 Rachel says, if I had$100, I'd give it to the poor people. 00:23:30.880 --> 00:23:36.160 Teach humility and gratitude so that they can have contentment, which is the antidote. 00:23:36.240 --> 00:23:43.039 Teach God owns it all, the value of work, and that contentment is the antidote. 00:23:43.839 --> 00:23:45.920 I have to make a little confession. 00:23:46.079 --> 00:23:48.240 I do not remember doing this. 00:23:49.599 --> 00:23:52.880 But I can tell you probably what was going on in my mind. 00:23:53.119 --> 00:24:00.559 Because parents, as you realize with most of parenting, your kids, they they watch your example. 00:24:00.880 --> 00:24:04.240 So more is caught than taught. 00:24:04.880 --> 00:24:13.519 And I can remember sitting in the pew at church growing up in a little red velvet offering bag with two wooden handles on each side would get passed down the row every Sunday. 00:24:13.599 --> 00:24:23.119 And I'd be sitting at my sister's hand-me-down dress, and I remember leaning over and watching my dad, week after week, drop a folded check in that bag. 00:24:23.519 --> 00:24:25.839 He'd drop a check-in, drop a check-in. 00:24:26.160 --> 00:24:30.079 And it was not announced, it wasn't, hey kids, mom and dad are giving this week. 00:24:30.240 --> 00:24:32.960 We just watched them live out their lives. 00:24:33.119 --> 00:24:35.359 And I knew that's what I wanted to do. 00:24:35.680 --> 00:24:37.599 So more is caught than taught. 00:24:37.759 --> 00:24:48.160 And when you're teaching your kids all of these principles, it's not, it doesn't happen in one big money conversation or one weekend-long money summit that you have with the family. 00:24:48.400 --> 00:25:01.519 This is a progression over time, teachable moments throughout the day, and I believe handing them a little bit of responsibility at a time for them to feel the weight of responsibility with their own money. 00:25:01.759 --> 00:25:05.279 It kind of reminds me of the way mom and dad parented growing up. 00:25:06.000 --> 00:25:08.799 I feel like sometimes there's two extremes of parents. 00:25:09.359 --> 00:25:13.839 There's some parents that are like, let's just live in this little bubble, and I don't want you to see the outside world. 00:25:13.920 --> 00:25:18.160 I don't want you to make any decision because I don't want you to feel pain or feel feel bad. 00:25:18.319 --> 00:25:20.319 So let's just stay right here all together. 00:25:20.559 --> 00:25:25.519 And some of those kids are the ones that graduate high school and go off to college and go crazy. 00:25:25.680 --> 00:25:27.039 We've all known them. 00:25:28.000 --> 00:25:31.440 Because they were never allowed to make any decision with their life. 00:25:31.599 --> 00:25:37.759 And so when they got to the point where they had to make a choice, they couldn't make the right choice because they were never allowed to make any choices. 00:25:38.000 --> 00:25:41.920 So their decision-making muscle, if you will, was never built. 00:25:42.319 --> 00:25:50.000 But then you have the parents that are kind of over on this side of the spectrum that are like, fly, little eight-year-old, fly and be free. 00:25:50.640 --> 00:25:54.000 You know, run around screaming and begging your silverware in the restaurant. 00:25:54.079 --> 00:25:54.720 We're okay with it. 00:25:54.799 --> 00:25:55.599 Go ahead, right? 00:25:55.839 --> 00:26:00.240 And it's just like, oh my gosh, will you please parent discipline still exists, you know? 00:26:00.400 --> 00:26:08.720 And so there's like these two extremes, and and mom and dad tried to find the middle ground, and they did this through an analogy of a rope. 00:26:09.039 --> 00:26:13.599 So the idea was that we were tied to one end of the rope, and they had the other end. 00:26:13.920 --> 00:26:23.519 And depending upon how well we could make our own decisions, how competent we were, trustworthy we were, they would let the rope out, and we would get more and more freedom. 00:26:23.759 --> 00:26:27.839 But if we made a bad decision, they would pull the rope back in. 00:26:28.079 --> 00:26:39.839 So I remember being in the eighth grade and going to the movies with a few girlfriends, and we left the movie, didn't go see it, and went across the street and got ice cream, and I didn't call my mom, and mom couldn't find me when she came back to pick me up. 00:26:39.920 --> 00:26:41.200 It was this whole ordeal. 00:26:41.279 --> 00:26:44.000 And we had a family meeting about it that night. 00:26:44.319 --> 00:26:58.720 And her dad saying, Rachel, if you had called mom on the payphone, you know, there were no cell phones back then, if you had called mom on the payphone, we we probably would have let you, but now we can't trust that's that's what you're going to do because you didn't say you weren't where you said you were going to be. 00:26:58.799 --> 00:27:01.200 So we're going to have to pull the rope back in. 00:27:01.759 --> 00:27:07.039 But then a few years later, I was at a high school party and some adult beverages were being passed around. 00:27:07.279 --> 00:27:14.640 And I called my mom to come have her pick me up, and I got in the car and she looked at me and she said, Lots of rope, Rachel. 00:27:14.799 --> 00:27:16.319 You get lots of rope. 00:27:16.559 --> 00:27:17.359 Good decision. 00:27:17.519 --> 00:27:19.279 Good choice, good choice. 00:27:22.319 --> 00:27:24.880 So this rope analogy was talked about all the time. 00:27:24.960 --> 00:27:31.200 And when my older sister Denise was graduating high school and going to college, we had a big dinner the night before she left. 00:27:31.359 --> 00:27:34.319 If you had, you know, if your first one's left home, it's a big deal. 00:27:34.559 --> 00:27:36.319 And so mom made this huge meal. 00:27:36.480 --> 00:27:43.920 We sat in the dining room table and ate off the fancy plates and the cloth, we had the cloth napkins, you know, it was a big, a big farewell dinner. 00:27:44.079 --> 00:27:46.960 And we all went around and told stories about Denise. 00:27:47.039 --> 00:27:48.880 You know, we were laughing and crying. 00:27:49.039 --> 00:27:51.920 It was like she was dying or something, but she wasn't. 00:27:52.160 --> 00:27:54.319 Just moving two and a half hours away. 00:27:54.640 --> 00:28:02.480 But towards the end of the dinner, Dad pulled out a gift bag and he pulled this out of it a rope. 00:28:03.279 --> 00:28:06.640 And he told Denise, you know, how proud he was of her. 00:28:06.720 --> 00:28:10.240 And um, but their rope, they've been giving her more and more rope. 00:28:10.319 --> 00:28:16.480 And now at this point in life, what they had left does not reach from Nashville to Knoxville. 00:28:16.720 --> 00:28:22.079 And so now they're having to hand her the rope, and her day-to-day decisions are now up to her. 00:28:22.400 --> 00:28:27.440 And so he tied different ribbons around the rope, symbolizing different areas of her life. 00:28:27.680 --> 00:28:33.200 So white was her purity, orange was because she was going to the University of Tennessee, Go Valls. 00:28:34.640 --> 00:28:42.000 Purple was her spiritual walk, red was her academics, and yellow was if she ever needed to come home. 00:28:42.640 --> 00:28:46.480 And he said, Denise, this is really your passage into adulthood. 00:28:46.720 --> 00:28:48.960 And he handed her the rope. 00:28:49.200 --> 00:28:55.200 And we all just cried and we're like, Denise has the rope, and she's just never coming home again, everything's changing. 00:28:57.519 --> 00:29:02.319 No, I'm the middle child of the Ramsey family, so the neglected and abused child. 00:29:03.759 --> 00:29:10.480 And so when I was going off to college, I was going to bed, and dad was like, Oh, Rachel, you need a rope, don't you? 00:29:11.359 --> 00:29:15.440 Went to the garage, handed me this. 00:29:20.319 --> 00:29:24.319 I'll let you decide which child is their favorite, but I think I think we know. 00:29:26.400 --> 00:29:30.960 But this rope I see is really a legacy of life. 00:29:31.279 --> 00:29:35.519 Having parents that were not perfect, but were intentional with us. 00:29:36.400 --> 00:29:42.640 And I think this legacy, in contrast of what this legacy could have been. 00:29:43.519 --> 00:29:48.880 In Deuteronomy, it says, I call heaven and earth as witness today against you. 00:29:49.359 --> 00:29:58.000 That I have set before you life or death, blessing or cursing. 00:29:59.039 --> 00:30:05.920 So choose life that you and your descendants may live. 00:30:18.400 --> 00:30:24.960 So I was that dad that messed up. 00:30:26.480 --> 00:30:28.319 Put my family in jeopardy. 00:30:28.880 --> 00:30:37.279 But my life and the life of my wife Sharon had an intersection with a man named Jesus. 00:30:38.880 --> 00:30:49.759 And he and his father and his Holy Spirit began transforming us and teaching us and guiding us and changing us. 00:30:50.000 --> 00:30:51.440 Not making us perfect. 00:30:51.680 --> 00:30:53.359 But grace is pretty cool. 00:30:53.599 --> 00:30:55.200 Grace says you get a do-over. 00:30:55.759 --> 00:30:57.119 Grace says you get a do-over. 00:30:57.200 --> 00:30:59.839 And sometimes really your do-over might just be your kids. 00:31:00.000 --> 00:31:07.599 It might be that in spite of how dumb and how messed up you've been or I've been, God says we get a do-over. 00:31:08.880 --> 00:31:10.720 It's called our legacy. 00:31:11.200 --> 00:31:13.599 It's called changing your family tree. 00:31:14.400 --> 00:31:16.960 And so if you've messed up, I give you permission to do that. 00:31:17.039 --> 00:31:18.480 I'm in your class. 00:31:18.799 --> 00:31:20.079 But don't quit. 00:31:21.680 --> 00:31:22.880 Don't resign. 00:31:23.359 --> 00:31:24.400 Don't stop. 00:31:25.680 --> 00:31:27.759 Because you can change your family tree. 00:31:28.079 --> 00:31:31.200 The Bible says I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. 00:31:31.519 --> 00:31:36.880 I can change my legacy permanently because of the work that was done on the cross. 00:31:37.119 --> 00:31:42.720 And because God's word is a wonderful instruction manual on how to operate my lives. 00:31:43.039 --> 00:31:46.559 And so while I was that dad. 00:31:47.359 --> 00:31:51.440 Because of Jesus, now I'm that dad. 00:31:52.240 --> 00:31:54.000 That has changed his family tree. 00:31:54.480 --> 00:31:57.279