WEBVTT 00:00:00.160 --> 00:00:04.639 It's a privilege to be here uh with my friends, uh so many friends uh here. 00:00:04.959 --> 00:00:09.759 Privilege to share uh the stories about Jesus and what he's done in my life. 00:00:10.080 --> 00:00:13.279 It's not easy to do, but necessary. 00:00:13.679 --> 00:00:14.000 Okay? 00:00:14.400 --> 00:00:18.879 I grew up in a little town over in northeast Texas that we call Deep East Texas. 00:00:19.120 --> 00:00:25.199 Kind of a different culture uh over there, especially in the days uh that I'll be talking about. 00:00:25.519 --> 00:00:28.800 We have a large family, I have five sisters and a twin brother. 00:00:28.960 --> 00:00:33.439 And uh everybody's always asking when I say I have a twin brother, they always say, Well, are you identical? 00:00:33.679 --> 00:00:36.159 And I say, Unfortunately for him, no. 00:00:36.880 --> 00:00:38.479 We aren't. 00:00:40.960 --> 00:00:43.840 He only wishes we were identical. 00:00:44.719 --> 00:00:47.439 Um, we were poor. 00:00:47.920 --> 00:00:51.600 I know a lot of people have poor stories, but we really were. 00:00:52.719 --> 00:00:57.200 And my daddy was a farmer uh when he did anything. 00:00:57.520 --> 00:01:06.480 My mother, mother and father, as we kids were growing up, were both alcoholics, uh radical alcoholics, especially toward the end of the time I'll be telling you about. 00:01:06.879 --> 00:01:07.840 They drank every day. 00:01:08.079 --> 00:01:10.719 They they were drunk pretty much all the time. 00:01:11.920 --> 00:01:14.560 As you can imagine, uh some of you experienced that. 00:01:14.640 --> 00:01:19.200 I know that's nothing unique to our family, but uh it was traumatic. 00:01:19.280 --> 00:01:25.599 Uh my daddy was a an angry drunk, um a mean one when he was drunk. 00:01:26.000 --> 00:01:33.439 And so my mother uh lived with black eyes and bloody noses and abuse a lot of her life. 00:01:33.840 --> 00:01:45.280 The little place where I grew up was was in a dry county, meaning that alcoholic beverages couldn't be sold by law in that county, and there were many surrounding counties in those days over in East Texas that were dry also. 00:01:45.920 --> 00:01:51.359 So it was a a central focus and a point of all kinds of things that were going on because of that. 00:01:51.599 --> 00:01:57.359 Wasn't wasn't unlike prohibition in the in the early days of our our nation. 00:01:57.680 --> 00:02:05.120 Um all kinds of violence, uh, bootlegging, moonshining, those kinds of things were prominent uh there. 00:02:06.159 --> 00:02:15.039 When I was a kid, they did a front page story in the Dallas Morning News, which then was the largest circulated newspaper in the state. 00:02:15.439 --> 00:02:26.639 A front page story, and it had more than one page of coverage uh on the violence and the things that were happening and going on in that part of the state. 00:02:26.960 --> 00:02:37.759 And frankly, my my dad, uh my brother and I to a less lesser extent, but my dad, more than any other uh person, I think, was a ringleader of a lot of the stuff that happened. 00:02:37.919 --> 00:02:40.479 When I was ten years old, I was subpoenaed in a murder trial. 00:02:40.560 --> 00:02:43.520 I was an eyewitness, and I knew both these guys. 00:02:43.759 --> 00:02:47.919 Uh one guy took out a knife and cut the other one's throat and he bled to death right at my feet. 00:02:48.000 --> 00:02:49.120 I mean, I saw that happen. 00:02:49.199 --> 00:02:51.280 I knew them both when I was a kid. 00:02:51.439 --> 00:02:54.639 Uh so there's all sorts of things like that that took place. 00:02:54.879 --> 00:02:58.719 In spiritual isolation, uh family, we lived in the country. 00:02:58.800 --> 00:03:01.120 We, you know, there were two kinds of people that lived where we did. 00:03:01.199 --> 00:03:02.879 There were country people and rural folks. 00:03:03.039 --> 00:03:03.919 You know what I mean? 00:03:04.400 --> 00:03:08.560 Rural people are really, really country, and we were rural. 00:03:09.120 --> 00:03:11.439 No spiritual input at all into our lives. 00:03:11.520 --> 00:03:18.000 Uh, you know, growing up, I never we never went to church and didn't never seen inside of a church, uh, never seen a Bible. 00:03:18.159 --> 00:03:23.520 Uh, probably did in a school library or something at times, but I don't remember or recollect that. 00:03:23.919 --> 00:03:30.159 And so the only time we ever went to church, my brother and I went to this little Methodist vacation Bible school when we were little boys. 00:03:30.319 --> 00:03:32.639 We walked down the road ways. 00:03:32.879 --> 00:03:39.439 And all I can remember about that experience is that we made a birdcage out of coat hangers out on the porch of the porch of the church building. 00:03:39.599 --> 00:03:42.639 I'm not against birdcages, I'm just saying that's all I can remember. 00:03:43.360 --> 00:03:47.919 The spiritual isolation, not a place really that you would expect God to be able to break in and do anything. 00:03:48.080 --> 00:03:50.000 I simply didn't know any Christians, as far as I knew. 00:03:50.080 --> 00:03:51.759 I wouldn't have known what the term meant. 00:03:51.840 --> 00:03:55.520 I had no understanding or idea, no wonder about God. 00:03:55.599 --> 00:04:02.319 I had no wonder about Him, no, no desire, no seeking, no nothing concerning God. 00:04:02.400 --> 00:04:06.400 Uh didn't uh show up on my radar screen at all. 00:04:06.879 --> 00:04:22.079 After I graduated from high school, um went away to college, uh believe it or not, and uh toward the end of my freshman year of college, I started feeling something weird happening inside of me, internally. 00:04:22.639 --> 00:04:24.160 I thought maybe I had a physical problem. 00:04:24.240 --> 00:04:26.480 I didn't know, but I had this mixture of emotions happening. 00:04:26.560 --> 00:04:27.680 I remember this clearly. 00:04:27.920 --> 00:04:32.079 I felt disturbed and depressed at times and angry and frustrated. 00:04:32.160 --> 00:04:33.680 All these different emotions were happening. 00:04:33.759 --> 00:04:35.199 I had no idea what was wrong. 00:04:35.360 --> 00:04:40.160 I know now that it was the Spirit of God preparing me for what was about to happen, but I had no knowledge of that at the time. 00:04:40.240 --> 00:04:45.439 You know, I just didn't know, but I just knew something was bothering me, something was agitating me. 00:04:46.240 --> 00:04:51.120 And just because we grew up in a rural setting and all of that, it wasn't I wasn't stupid. 00:04:51.360 --> 00:04:54.480 I was ignorant about a lot of things, but I wasn't stupid. 00:04:54.720 --> 00:04:56.560 And then we weren't. 00:04:57.279 --> 00:05:09.519 Anyway, I remember going home to this little town to work in the fields for the summer, and I had a hay truck and I was hauling hay, and that's why I made money part of the time to go to school and make make my living. 00:05:10.000 --> 00:05:19.439 And uh also during the winter months when I was a high school kid, I I hauled whiskey to the bootleggers, and it was pretty lucrative. 00:05:19.680 --> 00:05:20.160 It really was. 00:05:20.240 --> 00:05:21.680 I mean you ought to you ought to try it. 00:05:21.759 --> 00:05:24.240 You'd you don't want to get caught now. 00:05:24.560 --> 00:05:28.480 That was going to cut into your profits in a hurry if you get caught, believe me. 00:05:29.680 --> 00:05:32.959 But it was a good you know sideline of income for me. 00:05:33.279 --> 00:05:42.639 Anyhow, uh I came home, and this little town is so small, there's only the gymnasium is a central focus of everything that happens. 00:05:42.720 --> 00:05:45.839 We played basketball 24-7, you know, all year round. 00:05:45.920 --> 00:05:49.199 That's all we did was play basketball, so the kids gathered in the local gym. 00:05:49.279 --> 00:05:52.000 And contrary to what you're thinking, I was good, too. 00:05:53.600 --> 00:05:58.160 The place that I grew up was so small, there's only seven in my graduating class in high school. 00:05:58.399 --> 00:06:01.839 I was about electorant of the class, by the way, if that impresses you any. 00:06:03.600 --> 00:06:05.680 My twin brother finished in the top ten. 00:06:08.319 --> 00:06:10.240 So did everybody else. 00:06:10.720 --> 00:06:12.000 Uh yeah. 00:06:13.839 --> 00:06:26.240 But I went up to this little local gym where I knew some kids would be gathered and hadn't seen some of them in a while, and I went up there and I got involved in a pick-up basketball game of some of them, you know, and I remembered I nearly got in a fight with one of my friends there. 00:06:26.319 --> 00:06:29.600 It just emotional frustration, and I didn't know what was happening to me. 00:06:29.680 --> 00:06:48.000 And finally I got a little tired and went over and sat down on the front bleacher of this little gymnasium in this little East Texas town, and I had my head down, just wondering what was wrong with me, and all of a sudden I saw some shoes in front of me down at my feet, and I looked up and and this young lady was standing there, this little five-foot-tall girl. 00:06:48.319 --> 00:06:50.079 Uh her name was Sue. 00:06:50.160 --> 00:06:52.720 And Sue, her name is Sue, not was, is. 00:06:53.040 --> 00:06:55.680 Uh Sue was one of my older sister's friends. 00:06:55.920 --> 00:06:57.519 She's like three years older than I was. 00:06:57.600 --> 00:06:59.040 And I didn't know her very well. 00:06:59.120 --> 00:07:02.319 I mean, I grew up around her and knew her, but she's one of my older sister's friends. 00:07:02.720 --> 00:07:04.000 We didn't talk to each other, you know. 00:07:04.560 --> 00:07:09.920 But she's standing there with this look on her face, and she looks down at me, and she says, I need to talk to you real insistently. 00:07:10.000 --> 00:07:11.600 I need to talk to you right now. 00:07:12.240 --> 00:07:13.759 And I said, Well, what do you want to talk to me about? 00:07:13.839 --> 00:07:15.360 She said, I don't want to talk in here, let's go outside. 00:07:15.439 --> 00:07:18.639 And it was hot in there and cool outside, so I thought that was a good deal if I'm going to have to talk. 00:07:18.879 --> 00:07:21.360 We went outside on the porch of this little gymnasium. 00:07:21.600 --> 00:07:25.279 And for the first time in my life, somebody started telling me about Jesus. 00:07:25.519 --> 00:07:27.120 I mean, she just launched into the story. 00:07:27.199 --> 00:07:36.399 I mean, just launched, just gushed into this story, you know, about Jesus and God and the church and the Bible and all this stuff just pouring out of her. 00:07:36.480 --> 00:07:42.639 And I'm sure she wasn't very good at it, but better than anybody else has ever been that talked to me, you know. 00:07:42.879 --> 00:07:44.720 But I and I I was frustrated. 00:07:44.879 --> 00:07:45.680 I couldn't understand. 00:07:45.839 --> 00:07:50.240 I simply could not connect the dots and what she was trying to say, nor why she was saying it. 00:07:50.639 --> 00:07:52.480 So finally, I was in frustration. 00:07:52.560 --> 00:08:00.959 I broke into her gushing conversation here with me and herself, and I said, There's I I just want to know why me. 00:08:01.120 --> 00:08:03.680 Why did you drag me out here and tell me this? 00:08:03.759 --> 00:08:04.959 There's a lot of other ones in there. 00:08:05.040 --> 00:08:06.800 When did you get one of them and bring them out here? 00:08:06.959 --> 00:08:07.759 Why me? 00:08:08.800 --> 00:08:10.399 She said, You want to know why you? 00:08:10.560 --> 00:08:12.800 I said, Yeah, that's what I asked. 00:08:13.120 --> 00:08:14.560 She said, Let me tell you why you. 00:08:14.639 --> 00:08:20.639 She said, A minute ago, when I saw you sitting over there on that bleacher, she said, all of a sudden you just looked like Tommy to me. 00:08:20.800 --> 00:08:22.720 Tommy Short was her nephew. 00:08:22.879 --> 00:08:27.040 And he'd come down from Dallas, he lived up here, came down there a couple times. 00:08:27.199 --> 00:08:27.600 We'd met him. 00:08:27.839 --> 00:08:29.920 Mark and I knew him and were acquainted with him. 00:08:30.639 --> 00:08:42.639 And she said, two weeks ago, Tommy was drunk, early in the morning, drunk, driving on the Dallas Footworth Turnpike, and he ran off the road and he ran into this big light standard out in the median, and she said he was killed instantly. 00:08:42.879 --> 00:08:44.000 He said, I felt guilty. 00:08:44.080 --> 00:08:44.639 She starts crying. 00:08:44.720 --> 00:08:45.919 I felt guilty for two weeks. 00:08:46.159 --> 00:08:52.879 Two weeks I felt guilty because I never said anything to him about Jesus, and I couldn't let the same thing happen to you that happened to him. 00:08:53.200 --> 00:08:54.960 Tommy was a nice looking young man. 00:08:55.360 --> 00:08:56.559 You get the drift. 00:08:58.559 --> 00:09:00.559 Then she launches into the story again. 00:09:00.639 --> 00:09:05.200 This all this stuff, all this stuff. 00:09:06.240 --> 00:09:09.200 And I couldn't handle it. 00:09:09.279 --> 00:09:10.240 I couldn't digest it. 00:09:10.320 --> 00:09:11.120 I couldn't get it. 00:09:11.200 --> 00:09:12.399 And I was angry. 00:09:12.639 --> 00:09:17.519 And so I again I shut her up and I said, listen, Sue, I don't want to hear this. 00:09:18.240 --> 00:09:19.759 I don't want to hear this. 00:09:20.000 --> 00:09:21.919 I'm not interested in this. 00:09:22.240 --> 00:09:24.399 I want you to leave me alone. 00:09:26.559 --> 00:09:27.759 And she said, Okay. 00:09:29.360 --> 00:09:31.919 And she did for a little while. 00:09:32.879 --> 00:09:38.320 As the course of that week, there's a couple of times that she saw me in different places, and she would take a Bible. 00:09:38.399 --> 00:09:42.480 I remember she had a Bible with her once, and she opened it up someplace, I don't even remember where it was. 00:09:42.559 --> 00:09:44.559 She said, I want you to read this verse. 00:09:45.200 --> 00:09:46.480 I said, What? 00:09:46.879 --> 00:09:48.240 She said, I want you to read this verse. 00:09:48.320 --> 00:09:50.799 And she points this verse out to me and makes me read it. 00:09:51.120 --> 00:09:54.399 She didn't make me, I mean, she cajoles me into reading it. 00:09:54.720 --> 00:09:56.559 She's only five feet tall. 00:09:58.720 --> 00:10:00.879 And I did, but she keep in contact with me. 00:10:01.039 --> 00:10:02.720 Okay, I'm condensing this. 00:10:03.200 --> 00:10:16.320 On Friday night of that week, myself, my dad, and a lot of his drinking guy buddies, we were in the at the kitchen table of this little shack that we lived in, and we were playing poker. 00:10:16.799 --> 00:10:23.840 Now, this was also another little lucrative sideline for me simply because they all got drunk. 00:10:24.320 --> 00:10:27.759 And, you know, I didn't, not at the poker games, I didn't get drunk. 00:10:27.840 --> 00:10:32.799 They they got drunk at the poker games, and I didn't, so, you know, it's pretty easy pickings. 00:10:33.600 --> 00:10:36.159 So we're in there playing poker. 00:10:36.240 --> 00:10:38.559 And I grew up from the time of a little boy doing this. 00:10:38.720 --> 00:10:46.080 We're in there playing poker on Friday night with all the guys, you know, and uh all of a sudden from the front door, the doors open. 00:10:46.320 --> 00:10:50.399 We didn't have any air conditioning, didn't have any, well, no screen door. 00:10:50.799 --> 00:10:57.440 I hear a voice shout through the door from the darkness outside, uh, calling my name, and I immediately recognize the voice. 00:10:57.519 --> 00:10:59.360 This is Sue calling outside. 00:10:59.440 --> 00:11:05.919 And, you know, it's embarrassing to me for all these guys to hear her calling my name, or anybody, uh girl calling my name out there. 00:11:06.080 --> 00:11:09.440 And so I get up and besides, I got a good hand, you know. 00:11:10.879 --> 00:11:15.519 So I get up and go outside, and she's out there. 00:11:15.759 --> 00:11:19.679 Again, this insistence, this intensity. 00:11:20.399 --> 00:11:23.679 She said, you know, with tears in her voice. 00:11:23.919 --> 00:11:26.480 She said, I want you to promise me something. 00:11:27.679 --> 00:11:29.679 I said, I'm not promising you anything. 00:11:29.919 --> 00:11:32.799 What would it be that I promised you if I promised you something? 00:11:33.039 --> 00:11:35.440 She said, Promise me you'll go somewhere with me tomorrow night. 00:11:35.600 --> 00:11:38.320 I said, No way, I'm not going anywhere with you tomorrow night. 00:11:38.559 --> 00:11:40.799 I mean, I'm thinking about my reputation at this point in time. 00:11:40.879 --> 00:11:45.919 You know, I mean, this is an old woman, three years older, and I don't want to be seen around town with her, anybody see us with her. 00:11:47.519 --> 00:11:50.159 She said, I where would we go if we went somewhere? 00:11:50.320 --> 00:11:52.159 She said, Well, I just want you to promise me you'll go. 00:11:52.240 --> 00:11:53.759 I said, Not until I know where we're going. 00:11:53.840 --> 00:11:59.600 She said, Well, we're going to go to this thing where this guy, well, it's a crusade type thing. 00:11:59.759 --> 00:12:01.200 And I said, Well, what's a crusade? 00:12:01.279 --> 00:12:04.080 And I'm thinking these two armies fought a thousand years, you know. 00:12:04.240 --> 00:12:07.120 I'm thinking, maybe, maybe we're going to see a war movie. 00:12:07.279 --> 00:12:08.080 Well, what is that? 00:12:08.240 --> 00:12:09.440 I said, So what is that? 00:12:09.600 --> 00:12:10.399 What are you talking about? 00:12:10.559 --> 00:12:11.360 A crusade. 00:12:11.519 --> 00:12:15.039 She said, Well, it's sort of kind of this guy, you're going to like him. 00:12:15.120 --> 00:12:17.919 He's a young man, and he speaks and he talks, and you're going to like him. 00:12:18.080 --> 00:12:19.360 I promise you're going to like him. 00:12:19.519 --> 00:12:21.600 He sort of kind of preaches, is what he said. 00:12:21.679 --> 00:12:23.600 I said, Oh, one of those religious things. 00:12:23.679 --> 00:12:27.120 She said, Yeah, yeah, but please promise me you'll go promise. 00:12:27.279 --> 00:12:28.799 And I said, Okay, I promise. 00:12:28.879 --> 00:12:29.200 I will. 00:12:29.279 --> 00:12:29.759 I'll go with you. 00:12:29.840 --> 00:12:33.120 If you'll just leave me alone this one time, I'll do this one time. 00:12:33.200 --> 00:12:37.039 If you not bother me again, she said, okay. 00:12:37.759 --> 00:12:38.480 And she left. 00:12:38.639 --> 00:12:44.480 The next morning I get up, I get running this conversation through my mind, and I think, I'm not going to this crusade thing. 00:12:44.559 --> 00:12:45.600 I don't want to do it. 00:12:45.679 --> 00:12:47.200 I feel coerced into it. 00:12:47.279 --> 00:12:48.399 I'm just don't want, I'm not doing it. 00:12:48.480 --> 00:12:49.120 So I just left. 00:12:49.200 --> 00:12:56.240 I took off, drove to Dallas about two and a half hours, and ostensibly visit one of my sisters and her little family. 00:12:56.320 --> 00:12:58.320 And but it was mostly to get away from Sue. 00:12:58.399 --> 00:13:00.320 I didn't want to go, and she couldn't find me, all right? 00:13:00.480 --> 00:13:01.840 She can't find me where I am. 00:13:02.000 --> 00:13:12.240 And I sit down to lunch with my sister and so forth, and the phone rings, and my sister who knows Sue, she's the one that knows her, she goes and answers the phone, and she comes back in there with a puzzle look on her face. 00:13:12.320 --> 00:13:15.200 She says, Sue's on the phone and wants to talk to you. 00:13:15.919 --> 00:13:17.440 I said, Bang. 00:13:19.600 --> 00:13:20.960 She found me. 00:13:21.279 --> 00:13:23.200 And I hate going there to talk to her. 00:13:23.279 --> 00:13:27.200 I pick up the phone, and immediately when I say hello, she starts bawling. 00:13:27.360 --> 00:13:28.720 I mean crying, bawling. 00:13:28.799 --> 00:13:31.360 I know you understand what bawling means, don't you? 00:13:31.759 --> 00:13:32.559 You're from Texas. 00:13:32.720 --> 00:13:33.600 You understand bawling. 00:13:33.679 --> 00:13:38.960 She bawls and bellers and boo-hoos, and you promised me, you promised me you'd go in there and you'd run away and try to hide. 00:13:39.039 --> 00:13:40.159 And by the way, you lied to me. 00:13:40.240 --> 00:13:41.279 You lied and lied. 00:13:42.960 --> 00:13:43.919 I did lie. 00:13:44.559 --> 00:13:45.279 I did lie. 00:13:45.360 --> 00:13:50.639 That's what people that don't know Jesus do when people that do know him try to get them to meet him sometimes. 00:13:50.720 --> 00:13:51.279 You know what I mean? 00:13:51.519 --> 00:13:52.320 We just lie. 00:13:55.919 --> 00:13:58.480 Finally, I broke in her bawling, crying. 00:13:59.679 --> 00:14:01.360 I hate women crying. 00:14:01.600 --> 00:14:03.679 And she started crying again in the spring. 00:14:03.919 --> 00:14:04.960 Finally, I said, okay, I got time. 00:14:05.039 --> 00:14:05.360 I got time. 00:14:05.440 --> 00:14:05.919 I can come home. 00:14:06.000 --> 00:14:06.799 I can change clothes. 00:14:06.879 --> 00:14:07.279 It's not over. 00:14:07.360 --> 00:14:10.480 I can, I will, I'll come, I'll go, I'll go. 00:14:11.440 --> 00:14:12.399 So I did. 00:14:12.559 --> 00:14:14.480 She quit bawling and I went. 00:14:14.720 --> 00:14:18.240 I went by a picture up, went to this little high school baseball stadium in Sulphur Springs. 00:14:18.480 --> 00:14:20.080 We know where Sulfur Springs is. 00:14:20.320 --> 00:14:22.639 And uh there's a guy having a crusade there. 00:14:23.039 --> 00:14:26.000 I'm nervous, don't want to go, but curious a little. 00:14:26.080 --> 00:14:31.039 And walk in, stands are full, uh, seats, metal chairs on the infield. 00:14:31.279 --> 00:14:37.120 We went and sat down in a metal, I did, in a metal folding chair on top of where first base would have been if first base had been there. 00:14:37.279 --> 00:14:43.600 And you know, curious that, you know, he had a song sheet and we stood and sang and sat and stood and sang and did the deal. 00:14:43.679 --> 00:14:46.960 You know, uh, okay, it's okay, nothing really. 00:14:47.039 --> 00:14:52.399 Um and then this young man comes up to speak, and it was just like Sue said, when he started speaking, I liked him. 00:14:52.559 --> 00:14:58.720 I liked his authoritative way of speaking, his demeanor, his uh passion, his honesty. 00:14:59.039 --> 00:15:04.559 Oh, by the way, the young man's name is James Robison, by the way, is who it was, in case you're wondering who it was. 00:15:04.960 --> 00:15:09.279 Um that's one thing you'll have to say about James is he's authoritative. 00:15:09.519 --> 00:15:12.240 I mean, he might be wrong, but he's never in doubt. 00:15:15.200 --> 00:15:16.480 Not that I think he's wrong. 00:15:16.639 --> 00:15:20.000 In case you're here today, James, forgive me for that because you're bigger than I am. 00:15:21.519 --> 00:15:28.080 Anyway, he started speaking last night of the crusade, Saturday night, last night of the crusade, so everybody can go to their own church on Sunday. 00:15:28.159 --> 00:15:29.440 That's the way it worked in those days. 00:15:29.600 --> 00:15:33.519 And so this night he's giving his testimony, personal testimony, uh, parts of it at least. 00:15:33.600 --> 00:15:35.919 He's giving that, and he's telling them, and it captured me. 00:15:36.000 --> 00:15:43.360 You know, him growing up foster homes and you know, alcoholism and the whole deal, and some of you have heard his testimony just recently. 00:15:44.159 --> 00:15:46.320 So I connected with what he was saying. 00:15:46.480 --> 00:15:53.440 Then James said something that made the first light that I ever received spiritually into my darkened understanding. 00:15:53.600 --> 00:15:55.039 He said, You don't something like this. 00:15:55.200 --> 00:15:57.679 He said, You don't have to be good to be saved. 00:15:58.320 --> 00:16:01.279 In other words, you don't have to be good enough to qualify. 00:16:02.399 --> 00:16:05.120 And I thought, maybe that's it. 00:16:05.200 --> 00:16:07.200 That's why I can't connect, that's why I can't understand. 00:16:07.279 --> 00:16:11.679 I know it's not because I'm stupid, it's because I can't understand it, I can't get it. 00:16:12.000 --> 00:16:13.600 And I thought, well, that's it. 00:16:13.679 --> 00:16:15.919 That's probably the reason I can't understand it. 00:16:17.600 --> 00:16:21.440 It's because, see, I I I never felt good a day in my life. 00:16:21.840 --> 00:16:24.799 I felt well, but I never felt good. 00:16:25.039 --> 00:16:27.360 I didn't feel good because I wasn't good. 00:16:27.919 --> 00:16:35.840 From the time we were little boys, my daddy, who was as near to a perverted degenerate as anyone he would ever meet, took us places. 00:16:36.879 --> 00:16:44.159 They took us around people and women, and they did things to us and said things to us. 00:16:44.879 --> 00:16:53.919 We saw things that little boys should never see and experienced things that you're thinking about my my grandkids, my grandson. 00:16:55.440 --> 00:16:57.440 Anyway, I never felt good. 00:16:57.840 --> 00:16:59.440 He said, You don't have to be good to be saved. 00:17:00.159 --> 00:17:00.639 Hot dog. 00:17:01.360 --> 00:17:02.080 Sweet. 00:17:03.919 --> 00:17:10.079 But I got up from my seat, I remember, you know, he gave an altar call, got up from my seat, went down, now remember walking, just standing there. 00:17:10.160 --> 00:17:12.160 All these people started coming, I got afraid. 00:17:12.319 --> 00:17:18.160 All these people crowding around, and all of them looked like they were getting it, and I still wasn't getting it. 00:17:18.240 --> 00:17:19.200 And James had us praying. 00:17:19.279 --> 00:17:21.839 I didn't know to pray, I didn't know to say the words. 00:17:22.400 --> 00:17:24.000 So I'm weeping, just weeping. 00:17:24.079 --> 00:17:26.400 I'm still thinking, this is passing me by. 00:17:26.720 --> 00:17:29.519 This is something is happening, and I'm missing it. 00:17:29.680 --> 00:17:31.039 I'm not getting it. 00:17:31.200 --> 00:17:32.960 They are, but I'm not. 00:17:34.240 --> 00:17:36.319 And anyway, at the end of this, James did a wise thing. 00:17:36.400 --> 00:17:37.920 He said, I want you to go over here to the side. 00:17:38.000 --> 00:17:38.960 There's some chairs set up. 00:17:39.039 --> 00:17:40.799 There'll be somebody talk to you. 00:17:41.519 --> 00:17:45.119 And so I just push along with the crowd weeping, and all of a sudden I felt somebody grab me. 00:17:45.200 --> 00:17:45.839 I was his. 00:17:46.000 --> 00:17:46.720 He got me. 00:17:46.880 --> 00:17:49.119 And I looked up and it was his old man, and he grabbed me. 00:17:49.200 --> 00:17:52.160 I mean, I'm sure he's about my age now, but he looked old then. 00:17:52.640 --> 00:17:53.920 He grabbed me. 00:17:54.400 --> 00:17:58.559 He got me, and I was his, you know, and we're walking along here, and I'm weeping. 00:17:58.640 --> 00:17:59.759 I'm broken, weeping. 00:17:59.839 --> 00:18:01.359 And he's got me by the shoulders. 00:18:01.519 --> 00:18:09.599 We get close to the chair over there, and he stops all of a sudden, turns me around, grabs me by the shoulders, turns me around, looks at me, and says, Stop that balling, boy, so you can see me good. 00:18:10.240 --> 00:18:11.680 So he can understand me. 00:18:12.079 --> 00:18:15.039 That's a novel way of doing things, now, isn't it? 00:18:16.000 --> 00:18:17.279 We go over to the chair. 00:18:17.440 --> 00:18:21.519 If you only got one chair and you're going to lead somebody to the Lord, what would you do? 00:18:21.599 --> 00:18:23.279 You'd you'd let him sit in the chair, wouldn't you? 00:18:23.519 --> 00:18:24.000 He didn't. 00:18:24.160 --> 00:18:27.519 He sat down in the chair and said, Get down here on your knees in front of me, boy. 00:18:27.759 --> 00:18:29.200 You need to see me. 00:18:30.079 --> 00:18:31.039 So I did. 00:18:31.279 --> 00:18:37.200 Didn't like being called boy, but anyway, the old man sat down, put the Bible in his lap. 00:18:37.279 --> 00:18:40.400 I'm kneeling there, my face right there, kind of in the Bible. 00:18:40.720 --> 00:18:46.960 I saw him look at the Bible, look at me, look at the Bible, look at me, back and forth two or three times, and then just snapped it shut right under my nose and pitched it down on the ground. 00:18:47.039 --> 00:18:49.759 I thought, well, I guess there's nothing in there that can help me. 00:18:50.960 --> 00:18:52.720 And then his tone softened. 00:18:52.799 --> 00:18:54.000 He's really a spiritual guy. 00:18:54.240 --> 00:18:55.920 His tone softened and he looked at me. 00:18:56.000 --> 00:19:01.279 And he said, Son, if you'll be honest with God and you'll mean what you say, Jesus will come to your heart tonight. 00:19:01.440 --> 00:19:04.240 And when you when you die, you'll go to heaven. 00:19:04.799 --> 00:19:06.160 He said, Will you mean what you say? 00:19:06.240 --> 00:19:06.960 I said, Yes, sir. 00:19:07.119 --> 00:19:08.319 Tell me what to say. 00:19:08.559 --> 00:19:09.920 So he prayed this little prayer. 00:19:10.079 --> 00:19:13.519 I've repeated it after, dear Jesus, dear Jesus, I know I'm a sinner, I know I'm a sinner. 00:19:13.599 --> 00:19:14.720 Please forgive me, please forgive me. 00:19:14.799 --> 00:19:16.480 Give me the power to change, give me the power to change. 00:19:16.559 --> 00:19:19.759 Now, Jesus, I invite you into my heart as my Lord and my Savior, please come in and save me. 00:19:20.000 --> 00:19:22.720 Prayers indelibly imprinted in my brain. 00:19:23.279 --> 00:19:27.440 And then he said, You thank Jesus are coming into your heart, and I did in my own words. 00:19:27.920 --> 00:19:38.160 And what before had been beyond my human capacity to comprehend seemed like it became a living reality in my my life, and I knew what James was talking about, and I knew what Sue had been trying to tell me. 00:19:38.480 --> 00:19:44.079 But the first emotion I felt was fear, it really was a debilitating fear, and I thought, what if this doesn't ha what if this isn't real? 00:19:44.240 --> 00:19:46.160 What if this doesn't last till in the morning? 00:19:46.319 --> 00:19:49.839 What if I wake up in the morning when the sun's shining and it doesn't feel like this? 00:19:50.640 --> 00:19:51.599 But it did. 00:19:52.400 --> 00:19:57.119 Sue comes up, she's all excited, and made me feel a little better that she got so excited. 00:19:57.279 --> 00:19:58.400 She's more excited than I was. 00:19:58.559 --> 00:19:59.839 Just carrying on. 00:20:00.079 --> 00:20:04.240 On the way home, she said, Okay, you need to go to church in the morning. 00:20:04.559 --> 00:20:08.000 Go to where I go to church and you need to get baptized. 00:20:08.319 --> 00:20:10.079 I said, Okay, whatever you tell me. 00:20:10.160 --> 00:20:12.559 I want to do whatever y'all tell me to do. 00:20:13.279 --> 00:20:14.400 She didn't know what it meant. 00:20:14.640 --> 00:20:16.319 I tried to ask her a question about daptism. 00:20:16.480 --> 00:20:19.680 She said, Well, you know, it kind of has to do with water and you getting dunked. 00:20:19.839 --> 00:20:20.720 I said, Okay. 00:20:22.000 --> 00:20:22.960 Whatever. 00:20:24.160 --> 00:20:34.480 I went home, and I'm leaving a lot of this stuff out in here, but when I went home to the little shack that we lived in, and I walked into the kitchen, and my mama was in there washing dishes. 00:20:34.640 --> 00:20:41.440 No air conditioning, no running water inside the house, no in interior bathrooms. 00:20:42.160 --> 00:20:46.000 I walk into the kitchen and lean up against a cabinet, a little narrow place. 00:20:46.079 --> 00:20:48.480 And my mom to her back was to me, she's been over. 00:20:48.559 --> 00:20:54.000 My mama by this time that I call it so debilitated or she she never left her the house. 00:20:54.079 --> 00:20:56.000 She was emotionally wouldn't go outside. 00:20:56.079 --> 00:20:59.359 She even she was she weighed about 90 pounds by this time. 00:20:59.440 --> 00:21:00.079 She was sick. 00:21:00.240 --> 00:21:02.559 She had some kind of disease, some kind of blood disease. 00:21:03.279 --> 00:21:04.319 Things wouldn't heal. 00:21:04.400 --> 00:21:06.799 I mean, I her her ring finger had a cut on it. 00:21:06.880 --> 00:21:11.200 And I remember her ring cutting, it swelled up, cutting down into her finger, and she didn't even know it. 00:21:11.519 --> 00:21:13.599 You know, I she was sick. 00:21:14.160 --> 00:21:20.160 And she just hunched over the sink, methodically washing dishes in the dish pan, putting them over in the rinsing pan, you know, back and forth. 00:21:20.240 --> 00:21:24.319 Just at ten o'clock at night, hot, middle of the summer. 00:21:25.039 --> 00:21:27.440 She never acknowledged my presence in the room. 00:21:28.000 --> 00:21:33.279 But I leaned up against the cabinet behind her and I said, Mama, something happened to me tonight. 00:21:34.319 --> 00:21:37.200 I didn't know how she was going to respond to this information. 00:21:38.240 --> 00:21:40.640 But she never turned around but she said, Oh, what? 00:21:40.960 --> 00:21:41.920 Tell me about it. 00:21:42.960 --> 00:21:44.000 Kept washing dishes. 00:21:44.160 --> 00:21:45.759 I said, Well, I don't know really what happened. 00:21:45.920 --> 00:21:48.240 The old man that talked to me said that I got saved tonight, Mom. 00:21:48.400 --> 00:21:49.279 I reckon that's what happened. 00:21:49.359 --> 00:21:50.799 I reckon I got saved. 00:21:51.359 --> 00:21:54.079 And she just said that's good, son. 00:21:54.640 --> 00:21:56.000 I'm glad for you. 00:21:57.039 --> 00:21:59.519 And then I kind of emboldened, I said, Okay. 00:22:00.000 --> 00:22:04.640 And they told me that I need I'm going to church in the morning and I'm going to get baptized. 00:22:05.039 --> 00:22:06.720 And all of a sudden she froze. 00:22:07.039 --> 00:22:08.559 She didn't turn around, but she froze. 00:22:08.799 --> 00:22:10.640 She said, Your daddy's not going to like that. 00:22:10.880 --> 00:22:13.039 I said, Well, Mama, I don't care whether he likes it or not. 00:22:13.119 --> 00:22:15.359 I'm going to church in the morning and I'm going to get baptized. 00:22:15.680 --> 00:22:19.279 You know, I've long passed caring what he thought. 00:22:19.519 --> 00:22:21.200 So I'm going to go get baptized. 00:22:21.359 --> 00:22:25.519 And for the first time, my mama turned around and looked at me and she said, Can I go with you? 00:22:26.799 --> 00:22:27.839 I said, Sure, Mama. 00:22:28.160 --> 00:22:29.200 It wasn't evangelistic. 00:22:29.279 --> 00:22:33.440 I mean, it was just thinking, you know, I'm going to church by myself, it'd be good to have somebody with me in case I mess up. 00:22:34.400 --> 00:22:39.839 So the next morning, my mama, first thing she asked, well, her first thought, first thought. 00:22:40.000 --> 00:22:41.519 Going to church, first thought was what? 00:22:41.599 --> 00:22:42.160 What do you think? 00:22:42.319 --> 00:22:42.880 A woman. 00:22:43.039 --> 00:22:44.720 I don't have anything to wear. 00:22:45.359 --> 00:22:46.640 Bless her heart, she was right. 00:22:46.720 --> 00:22:47.440 She really didn't. 00:22:47.519 --> 00:22:55.519 But I told her, it doesn't matter what you wear, mama, they wear anything up there, and I'm thinking, I said, this thing I went to tonight's kind of like church, you know, and they just, people let them blue jeans and everything. 00:22:55.599 --> 00:22:56.000 It didn't matter. 00:22:56.079 --> 00:22:57.759 And I'm thinking, I hope this is true. 00:22:58.000 --> 00:22:59.680 Anyway, it was true. 00:23:00.079 --> 00:23:07.920 Next morning, my mama, three of my sisters, and one of my sisters' boyfriends went to this little country church with me for the first time in our lives. 00:23:08.400 --> 00:23:10.559 I'm going to know people at this place. 00:23:10.880 --> 00:23:12.160 Everybody knows us. 00:23:12.400 --> 00:23:14.319 Our family, everybody knows us. 00:23:14.480 --> 00:23:15.759 Everybody knows us. 00:23:17.119 --> 00:23:21.279 I've worked for some of these people and done other things to these people. 00:23:21.359 --> 00:23:22.400 They're going to know. 00:23:22.720 --> 00:23:25.680 If you'll pardon the expression, well, I can't say it. 00:23:25.759 --> 00:23:27.200 I can't say the word in church. 00:23:27.359 --> 00:23:27.759 I can't. 00:23:27.920 --> 00:23:29.279 That's how we were known. 00:23:29.440 --> 00:23:31.279