WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:02.399 Welcome to Gateway Churches Podcast. 00:00:02.560 --> 00:00:06.959 Wherever you're tuning in from, we hope you're encouraged by today's message. 00:00:09.119 --> 00:00:14.400 Oh, Maria and I are so excited to be back with the Gateway family. 00:00:14.560 --> 00:00:18.480 We miss you so much every time we're not here for a couple of weeks. 00:00:18.559 --> 00:00:20.320 So it's so great to be back. 00:00:20.399 --> 00:00:26.800 I I might apologize immediately because my voice is a little rough today, but it's for all the right reasons. 00:00:27.199 --> 00:00:36.240 I spoke here yesterday afternoon, and then Maria and I went straight to the car and drove off to youth camp, and then I had the privilege of speaking at youth camp last night. 00:00:36.399 --> 00:00:41.520 Let me tell you, Gateway, the Spirit of God is invading our young generation. 00:00:41.759 --> 00:00:46.000 Can we worship the Lord and never ever take that for granted? 00:00:46.320 --> 00:00:53.679 We absolutely loved every single second that we spent with the young people at camp last night. 00:00:53.759 --> 00:01:00.880 And I do believe hundreds of them are coming back with fresh testimonies of encounters with the presence of God. 00:01:01.039 --> 00:01:04.719 And that's the best news any church could have, basically. 00:01:05.439 --> 00:01:11.120 Also, uh, well, this is Valentine's Day week, so I hope you had a great Valentine's Day. 00:01:11.359 --> 00:01:16.879 And if you're a husband and you forgot about it, I hope you get well soon. 00:01:18.640 --> 00:01:23.840 That the scratch march marks on your face are healing up well in Jesus' name. 00:01:24.239 --> 00:01:34.000 Actually, I want to stay kind of on the Valentine's Day theme today, and also in the theme of our current teaching series called Made for Each Other. 00:01:34.159 --> 00:01:38.159 And I want to address two groups of people in this room today. 00:01:38.400 --> 00:01:44.480 Uh, I want to speak on single and strong, married and thriving. 00:01:44.879 --> 00:01:48.079 Single and strong, married and thriving. 00:01:48.239 --> 00:01:49.439 Let's pray. 00:01:49.840 --> 00:01:55.040 Holy Spirit, we thank you and we invite you into this room and into our hearts again. 00:01:55.280 --> 00:02:06.879 We pray, touch our eyes so we can see, touch our ears so we can hear, and touch our hearts so we can fathom and understand and grasp what you want to teach us through your word today. 00:02:07.040 --> 00:02:08.879 We pray in Jesus' name. 00:02:09.199 --> 00:02:09.840 Amen. 00:02:10.879 --> 00:02:15.039 All right, so I want to start by addressing the single people in this room. 00:02:15.199 --> 00:02:28.400 And again, I'd like to apologize on behalf of myself, pastors, and preachers everywhere, because so many times uh when we address the subject of family, we have a tendency to just go for marriage straight away. 00:02:28.639 --> 00:02:35.120 And I guess we're a lot of times we've left left the single people of the room kind of left out a little bit. 00:02:35.360 --> 00:02:44.400 But let me tell you, your side, your time or season of being single is a season that could be amazing and is given to you by the Lord. 00:02:44.560 --> 00:02:50.240 Now, I want to acknowledge that you can be single in very many different stages of life, obviously. 00:02:50.400 --> 00:02:57.039 You can be single because your spouse uh passed away, or maybe you went through a divorce. 00:02:57.280 --> 00:03:06.080 Let me just say, however, you ended up single, God loves you and God has a plan for your life and for this season that you're in right now. 00:03:06.319 --> 00:03:15.919 But maybe my main focus today is to address the group of single people who are single because they have not yet entered into a relationship. 00:03:16.159 --> 00:03:21.759 But still, married people, don't take a mental break now, don't fall asleep on me. 00:03:22.000 --> 00:03:32.000 Because a lot of times when we come to church, we either will have a word that is specifically for our situation, or we might learn something that I can tell to someone else. 00:03:32.240 --> 00:03:39.520 These are things you need to tell your children, these are things you need to tell your single friends about this season. 00:03:39.759 --> 00:03:47.919 First of all, let me just underline again that God has a plan for every season of life, including your time of being single. 00:03:48.159 --> 00:03:53.520 Ecclesiastes 3 says, God has made everything beautiful in its time. 00:03:54.000 --> 00:04:04.159 And I do believe that as we accept and embrace each season of our lives, we will always find beauty and blessing. 00:04:04.479 --> 00:04:11.840 As we accept and embrace every season of life, we will always find beauty and blessing. 00:04:12.000 --> 00:04:24.160 And let me tell you, single people, don't buy into the lie of this world that you being single is basically just a waiting room until you find someone, and then life really starts. 00:04:24.560 --> 00:04:33.680 Your season of being single is an amazing opportunity, it's a gift from God, and He's it's got goals attached to this season. 00:04:34.000 --> 00:04:38.959 You might say, Yeah, I know those goals, they're called agony, torture, pain. 00:04:39.439 --> 00:04:42.240 No, no, no, my friend, there are better goals than that. 00:04:42.399 --> 00:04:47.360 If you brought your Bible, would you turn with me to Exodus chapter 20? 00:04:47.680 --> 00:04:49.120 Exodus chapter 20. 00:04:49.199 --> 00:04:50.240 We're gonna start right there. 00:04:50.319 --> 00:04:57.439 And the first goal of being single that I want to remind you all of is get to know God. 00:04:58.399 --> 00:04:59.600 Get to know God. 00:04:59.680 --> 00:05:16.480 Now, obviously, we can get to know God in every season of our lives, but when you're single, you have this golden opportunity to establish a relationship with the Lord that will be a foundation for your entire future. 00:05:16.879 --> 00:05:24.480 Exodus chapter 20, that's the Ten Commandments chapter, and we're reading verse 3, the very first one of the ten. 00:05:25.279 --> 00:05:28.800 You shall have no other gods before me. 00:05:29.199 --> 00:05:32.240 You shall have no other gods before me. 00:05:32.399 --> 00:05:44.000 Now, a lot of times we will read this commandment, and we might think that, oh, this is the easiest one to keep, because I have no plans to becoming a Muslim or a Buddhist or something. 00:05:44.240 --> 00:05:47.439 But then we have to define what is a God. 00:05:48.079 --> 00:05:58.000 What is a God, and actually, Martin Luther, the German 16th-century reformer, he gave a definition of what a God is that I think is brilliant. 00:05:58.319 --> 00:06:08.160 He said this a God is someone we expect all good things from, and to whom we run in all distress. 00:06:08.959 --> 00:06:14.959 A God is someone we expect all good things from, and to whom we run in all distress. 00:06:15.519 --> 00:06:21.439 And honestly, by this definition, there's a lot of things that can become your God, right? 00:06:21.839 --> 00:06:36.399 Your bank account can become your God, your circle of friends can become your God, your social media presence can become your God, and your spouse can definitely become a God. 00:06:36.800 --> 00:06:48.240 So while you're single, make it your goal to grow to the point where all your sources for your basic human needs are found in Christ. 00:06:49.680 --> 00:06:52.720 Like, for example, your need for identity. 00:06:53.360 --> 00:07:02.399 Grow to the point where you make up your mind while you're single that my identity does not come from people's opinions of who I am. 00:07:02.720 --> 00:07:10.720 My identity comes from knowing who God says that I am, who the Word of God says that I am, and who I am in Christ. 00:07:11.040 --> 00:07:18.959 If you build that foundation into your life, you're gonna stay stay, stand stable and strong throughout your entire life. 00:07:19.199 --> 00:07:24.639 Another basic reason, another basic need in our lives is the need for affirmation. 00:07:25.040 --> 00:07:26.319 We all have that. 00:07:26.800 --> 00:07:36.639 Now, while you're single, you can grow to the point where you decide, you make up your mind that I'm not gonna head down the road that will give me the most applause by men. 00:07:37.120 --> 00:07:41.279 I'm gonna go down the path that will give me the applause from the Lord Himself. 00:07:41.519 --> 00:07:50.959 Because at the end of that road, I'm not interested in having a man telling me, Well done, I want to hear him say, Well done, good and faithful servant. 00:07:51.279 --> 00:07:56.720 Grow to the point where all your basic needs are met in God. 00:07:57.360 --> 00:07:57.759 Why? 00:07:58.000 --> 00:08:04.720 Because if you don't, you're gonna place unreasonable expectations on your future spouse. 00:08:05.040 --> 00:08:09.439 Expectations that he or she will never be able to meet. 00:08:09.680 --> 00:08:21.040 But if you have your basic needs met by the Lord, first of all, whoo! And you can look forward to a great relationship with another human being. 00:08:21.360 --> 00:08:28.319 Um second advice I would like to give the single people of the room develop yourself. 00:08:29.040 --> 00:08:32.720 Oh, develop yourself, explore yourself. 00:08:32.960 --> 00:08:37.679 This is your season to find out who you are, who God has made you. 00:08:37.919 --> 00:08:44.159 This is your season to explore all the seeds that God has placed inside your heart. 00:08:44.399 --> 00:08:48.399 This is your season to answer the question: what are you passionate about? 00:08:48.559 --> 00:08:50.159 What are you interested in? 00:08:50.320 --> 00:08:56.480 What do you feel the Lord wants you to accomplish in your days and years on this earth? 00:08:56.720 --> 00:09:01.360 Please don't spend this season just watching Netflix and playing video games. 00:09:02.720 --> 00:09:06.240 Because this is your season to find out all about you. 00:09:06.480 --> 00:09:17.759 This is your time to start trying a hundred new things, to travel, to learn a new language, to experience new cultures, meet new people, eat weird food. 00:09:19.360 --> 00:09:26.159 And as you explore the world around you, you will also explore the world inside you. 00:09:26.720 --> 00:09:41.840 Because if you just consider your single season as a waiting room and you want to rush into a relationship as soon as possible, then you will risk building your life on someone else's foundation, and that is never ever a good idea. 00:09:42.159 --> 00:09:56.159 And single people also let me tell you, included in the develop yourself part is also build character, build character because your future marriage will not be defined by your abs. 00:09:59.519 --> 00:10:03.600 It will be defined by your character or lack thereof. 00:10:04.080 --> 00:10:09.600 This is your season to learn how to get up in the morning, even if you don't have to, and make your bed. 00:10:09.919 --> 00:10:14.480 This is your season of paying your bills on time and not overspend. 00:10:14.879 --> 00:10:19.279 This is your season of learning how to cook healthy meals. 00:10:19.519 --> 00:10:24.320 This is your time of understanding how to make your own laundry. 00:10:24.480 --> 00:10:28.799 This is your season of learning how to operate a vacuum cleaner. 00:10:29.440 --> 00:10:33.279 And you might say, No, Pastor, that's why I need a wife. 00:10:34.159 --> 00:10:41.200 Let me tell you, young man, if you can't take good care of yourself, God is not going to trust you to take care of someone else. 00:10:41.519 --> 00:10:42.159 Amen. 00:10:44.399 --> 00:10:45.759 So develop yourself. 00:10:45.840 --> 00:10:52.799 And the last piece of advice I want to send along to the single people, number three, actively serve God. 00:10:53.440 --> 00:10:55.120 Actively serve God. 00:10:55.360 --> 00:11:04.080 This is your season to train yourself to understanding that you are on this earth to advance the kingdom of Jesus Christ. 00:11:04.240 --> 00:11:09.360 And we see this even in the first single guy that is introduced to us in the world of God. 00:11:09.519 --> 00:11:11.039 His name was Adam. 00:11:12.000 --> 00:11:14.960 And we read about him in Genesis chapter 2. 00:11:15.200 --> 00:11:16.799 And I think it's extraordinary. 00:11:16.879 --> 00:11:23.600 It says in verse 19, Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. 00:11:23.840 --> 00:11:26.879 He brought them to the man to see what he would name them. 00:11:27.039 --> 00:11:31.519 And whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. 00:11:31.759 --> 00:11:37.679 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky, and all the wild animals. 00:11:38.399 --> 00:11:46.080 Sometimes we have this idea that Adam was just kind of walking around chilling out in the Garden of Eden, but he didn't. 00:11:46.240 --> 00:11:48.320 He was actively serving God. 00:11:48.799 --> 00:11:58.159 He was naming and categorizing, that's not even an English word, but I'm a Swede, so I can do that. 00:11:59.600 --> 00:12:04.960 And he was making like organizing and structuring the whole creation. 00:12:09.919 --> 00:12:12.240 And then we read on verse 21. 00:12:12.399 --> 00:12:21.360 So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep, and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. 00:12:21.519 --> 00:12:28.799 Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man and he brought her to the man. 00:12:29.679 --> 00:12:41.919 My point is this if you're actively serving God, God will be actively involved in bringing you together with the right person at the right time. 00:12:42.399 --> 00:12:51.120 If you're actively serving God, God will be actively involved in bringing you together with the right person at the right time. 00:12:51.279 --> 00:12:53.840 Can we say amen in the house of the Lord? 00:12:54.159 --> 00:12:54.639 Great. 00:12:54.799 --> 00:13:10.240 Before we switch over to focus on the married couples, uh, I just want to say I'm super excited that next week on Tuesday night, Gateway is launching a brand new weekly service for young adults. 00:13:10.559 --> 00:13:25.120 From Tuesday, 715, and every single week here at South Lake, it's gonna be a service for you who are single or married and are in the category of like college age up to 34. 00:13:27.200 --> 00:13:30.080 If you're in that category, you are welcome. 00:13:30.240 --> 00:13:34.879 If you're married with kids, there is children's ministry from zero to eight. 00:13:35.039 --> 00:13:43.440 Don't miss this opportunity to join this service that is specially for you and also the community with uh that you can have with your peers. 00:13:43.840 --> 00:13:48.799 Now I want to focus a little bit about the map on the married couples here in this room. 00:13:48.879 --> 00:13:53.759 And I want to focus on not just falling in love, but staying in love. 00:13:54.080 --> 00:13:57.919 Because you know, anyone can fall, right? 00:13:58.639 --> 00:14:00.480 Any fool can fall. 00:14:00.720 --> 00:14:03.200 You just trip over and that's it. 00:14:03.519 --> 00:14:05.120 And then you've fallen. 00:14:05.759 --> 00:14:10.159 But staying in love, that's a whole different ball game right there. 00:14:10.960 --> 00:14:27.200 Now, my greatest blessing on this earth is the fact that God has allowed me to do life together with a wonderful person that is seated right there, and she's called Maria, and we've been married for 38 years this year. 00:14:30.799 --> 00:14:36.799 We had a conversation two weeks ago, and and we we said to each other, hey, you know what? 00:14:37.120 --> 00:14:43.279 Our we really think this season is our best season yet in our marriage. 00:14:43.519 --> 00:14:44.720 And we agreed on that. 00:14:44.879 --> 00:14:51.039 Then we realized, oh, we've been saying that every season of our marriage. 00:14:51.279 --> 00:15:04.799 It doesn't mean that we haven't had our ups and downs and our our things to deal with, but overall we've been able to look at every single season of life and actually say honestly from our hearts, this is the best season we've ever been in. 00:15:05.039 --> 00:15:07.360 But that doesn't happen automatically. 00:15:07.679 --> 00:15:13.039 Our non-Christian friends will refer to us saying, You've been very lucky. 00:15:13.759 --> 00:15:18.799 And I always respond saying, actually, luck has very little to do with it. 00:15:19.120 --> 00:15:21.120 It's down to two things. 00:15:21.360 --> 00:15:40.080 Number one, the grace of God, and number two, the fact that very early on in our marriage, we got hold of some biblical principles that we tried our best to live by and that has blessed us enormously. 00:15:40.240 --> 00:15:44.960 And I want to share a few of those principles with you uh here and now. 00:15:45.120 --> 00:15:54.799 Now, let me just say uh, first of all, for anything that I'm about to say to make sense, we need to agree on a basic statement. 00:15:55.200 --> 00:16:07.360 This statement was completely non-controversial for thousands of years, but these past few years, it's become very controversial for some people, for some reason. 00:16:07.600 --> 00:16:14.639 Every time I make this statement back in Sweden, it's a huge backlash and the social media goes crazy. 00:16:14.879 --> 00:16:24.159 So I just keep making that statement, and and uh so so I just want to make that statement now, and hopefully we can agree, okay? 00:16:24.320 --> 00:16:25.360 Here we go. 00:16:27.840 --> 00:16:31.200 Men and women are different. 00:16:36.080 --> 00:16:39.679 For some reason, I had a hunch that Texans would agree. 00:16:39.840 --> 00:16:40.960 I don't know why. 00:16:41.279 --> 00:16:46.159 I just thought they might would, they might uh they might do. 00:16:46.639 --> 00:16:48.159 Uh men and women are different. 00:16:48.240 --> 00:16:56.000 Now, having said that, please allow me to explain what I mean and do not mean by that statement. 00:16:56.240 --> 00:17:02.320 Yes, we are different, but that doesn't mean we are not 100% equal. 00:17:02.879 --> 00:17:07.359 We are Genesis chapter 1, verse 27. 00:17:08.160 --> 00:17:14.240 So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God, he created them. 00:17:15.200 --> 00:17:19.279 Male and female, he created, come on, gateway, them. 00:17:20.000 --> 00:17:28.160 God blessed them and said to them, be fruitful and increase in number, fill the earth and subdue it. 00:17:28.400 --> 00:17:46.079 So even in the very first chapter of the Bible, we learn that man and woman are equally created, equally the image of God, equally blessed, and equally given the task of ruling the earth for the glory of God. 00:17:46.319 --> 00:17:50.000 We are different yet a hundred percent equal. 00:17:50.319 --> 00:18:00.079 Also, the statement I just did say men and women are different, does not mean that all men are the same, and it doesn't mean that all women are the same. 00:18:00.319 --> 00:18:09.200 There's a huge spectrum under the umbrella of male, and there's a huge spectrum under the umbrella of female. 00:18:09.359 --> 00:18:18.559 Now, you might be a man and be interested in bear hunting or ballet dancing or building spreadsheets. 00:18:18.720 --> 00:18:19.680 I don't know. 00:18:20.319 --> 00:18:29.519 There's a huge variety over here, and you can be a woman and you can be a stay-at-home mom or you can be a professional boxer. 00:18:30.559 --> 00:18:32.480 Again, there's a huge variety. 00:18:32.720 --> 00:18:36.559 Thing is, this God has created you either woman or man. 00:18:37.119 --> 00:18:41.759 There is no changing that, and there's nothing in between. 00:18:49.039 --> 00:19:00.960 But adding to you being a man or a woman, he's also given you a unique personality and a number of unique gifts that makes you a unique individual. 00:19:01.279 --> 00:19:08.799 So basically, just because you're not a marine doesn't mean you're not a man, and just because you're not Barbie doesn't mean you're not a woman. 00:19:09.039 --> 00:19:11.519 Praise the name of the living God. 00:19:12.880 --> 00:19:13.519 Amen. 00:19:14.480 --> 00:19:30.559 Still, if you take all this whole spectrum of men and make an average man out of them, and if you take the whole spectra of women and make one average woman out of them, the two of them will not be the same. 00:19:30.960 --> 00:19:33.599 Men and women are essentially different. 00:19:33.759 --> 00:19:41.839 And here presents itself one of the biggest challenges for a married couple as they move into years and decades. 00:19:42.240 --> 00:19:59.200 And the mistake is us trying to meet the needs of our spouse the same way we would love our own needs to be met, us trying to meet the needs of our spouse the same way we would like our own needs to be met because it just doesn't work. 00:19:59.680 --> 00:20:05.920 And and speaking as a man, I have to admit, this is especially a huge challenge for men. 00:20:07.119 --> 00:20:09.759 Because we're very basic beings. 00:20:10.319 --> 00:20:15.920 Honestly, we're not like intricate and complicated and diverse like women. 00:20:16.160 --> 00:20:18.480 What you see is what you get, basically. 00:20:18.640 --> 00:20:30.240 That's that's pretty much how God made us and how God put us together, and uh, that's why you as a wife should never overanalyze your husband. 00:20:30.640 --> 00:20:32.240 Please don't do that. 00:20:33.119 --> 00:20:37.519 Don't look at him and say, Oh, he's been very quiet all day. 00:20:37.759 --> 00:20:41.200 I wonder what's really going on inside of him. 00:20:42.960 --> 00:20:46.400 I can tell you what's really going on inside of him. 00:20:47.039 --> 00:20:48.000 Nothing. 00:20:51.200 --> 00:20:55.759 We we don't communicate by silence, we're not that advanced. 00:20:56.400 --> 00:21:00.160 If if we're quiet, it's just because nothing's going on right now. 00:21:00.240 --> 00:21:05.440 It's just we're just having a little break, you know, we're just catching our breath. 00:21:06.319 --> 00:21:10.480 Don't try to pull wisdom out of our silence, it doesn't work. 00:21:11.440 --> 00:21:22.559 So, so he, you know, and and this is I would just let me give you a hypothetical example here of men trying to relate to meeting the needs of their wives the way they would like their own needs to be met. 00:21:22.640 --> 00:21:29.759 Let's say hypothetically that we have uh this husband here and his wife's birthday is coming up. 00:21:29.920 --> 00:21:33.039 So he starts thinking to himself, oh, I need to get her something. 00:21:33.279 --> 00:21:34.640 What does she need? 00:21:36.160 --> 00:21:38.640 You already made mistake number one right there. 00:21:38.799 --> 00:21:42.079 That's that's a completely irrelevant question. 00:21:42.319 --> 00:21:47.200 That's a relevant question for you because men have the need to make sense. 00:21:47.839 --> 00:21:51.440 But but you know, asking her, you know, what does she need? 00:21:51.759 --> 00:21:54.720 That that's just that that just doesn't work. 00:21:54.799 --> 00:21:58.559 But let's see, this guy is inexperienced, he still asks the question. 00:21:58.720 --> 00:21:59.839 So we he rewinds. 00:22:00.559 --> 00:22:04.480 In his mind, and he thinks to himself, um, what does she need? 00:22:04.640 --> 00:22:18.480 Oh, two weeks ago she was doing some ironing, and I clearly heard her say, We've had this iron for 12 years, it doesn't really work anymore. 00:22:18.559 --> 00:22:20.240 I need a new iron. 00:22:21.519 --> 00:22:22.960 And he goes, Ah. 00:22:25.359 --> 00:22:32.400 And then he googles for 90 solid minutes to find the Ferrari 458 of irons. 00:22:33.519 --> 00:22:36.160 Gonna find the best iron available. 00:22:36.240 --> 00:22:41.680 And he finds one that is rated 4.99 on Google and Reddit. 00:22:42.000 --> 00:22:43.440 He gets this iron. 00:22:43.680 --> 00:22:46.160 He says, I can't go wrong with this. 00:22:46.559 --> 00:22:50.480 Her birthday comes up, he realizes, Oh, I forgot the wrapping paper. 00:22:50.640 --> 00:22:57.200 He wraps the thing in aluminum foil and he brings it to her and say, Happy birthday, honey. 00:22:57.359 --> 00:22:59.119 This is how much I love you. 00:22:59.920 --> 00:23:05.039 And then for the rest of the day, he wonders why didn't she lock herself in the bathroom? 00:23:05.200 --> 00:23:08.880 And why do I have an iron-shaped mark on my face? 00:23:10.240 --> 00:23:17.759 Because you try to meet the need of your spouse the way you would have loved your own needs to be met, and it doesn't really work. 00:23:18.079 --> 00:23:30.240 From my experience, both men and women have different things to bring to the table for a marriage to stay healthy and stay vibrant, and for a couple to stay in love throughout the years and decades. 00:23:30.400 --> 00:23:31.680 I just want to give you a few. 00:23:31.839 --> 00:23:36.000 Two advices for the men and one for the husband for the wives. 00:23:36.240 --> 00:23:38.799 It seems we need a bit more advice. 00:23:39.359 --> 00:23:44.160 The first advice I would like to give to you, husbands, stay curious. 00:23:44.720 --> 00:23:46.319 Stay curious. 00:23:47.279 --> 00:23:48.079 Why is this? 00:23:48.240 --> 00:23:49.680 What do I mean by this? 00:23:50.000 --> 00:23:52.000 It's that you will face a risk. 00:23:52.160 --> 00:23:55.119 It might come after five years, 12 years, 24 years. 00:23:55.279 --> 00:23:55.839 I don't know. 00:23:56.000 --> 00:24:09.519 But there will come a time when you, even though you will not say it out loud, you won't even think it out, think it out loud, you might buy into the perspective that I know all there is to know about you now. 00:24:10.079 --> 00:24:14.480 There is nothing more to find out, there's nothing that I do not know. 00:24:14.640 --> 00:24:17.359 There is nothing left to explore. 00:24:17.599 --> 00:24:28.559 And when you buy into that perspective, your marriage is gonna come to a plateau and it's gonna stagnate and it's gonna stop flourishing and it's gonna stop growing. 00:24:28.880 --> 00:24:31.519 That doesn't need to happen. 00:24:31.759 --> 00:24:34.799 It's a choice we make or choose not to make. 00:24:34.960 --> 00:24:44.720 And I thank God forevermore that very early on in our relationship, God led me to a certain verse that changed my life in regards to this. 00:24:44.960 --> 00:24:47.599 Song of Solomon, chapter 4, verse 12. 00:24:47.839 --> 00:24:50.720 Song of Solomon 4 and verse 12. 00:24:51.359 --> 00:24:58.960 I just kind of read this, but then I stopped and I started to pray about it and meditate it, meditate on it, and it the whole verse kind of opened up. 00:24:59.119 --> 00:25:02.960 It says, You are a garden locked up, my sister, my bride. 00:25:03.200 --> 00:25:07.200 You are a spring enclosed, a sealed fountain. 00:25:07.759 --> 00:25:13.359 And I thought about this a garden locked up, my bride, a spring enclosed, a sealed fountain. 00:25:13.519 --> 00:25:21.920 And as I prayed over this verse, I started thinking to myself, what if I would take this approach to Maria throughout our entire life? 00:25:22.160 --> 00:25:33.519 That even though we've been married 10 years, 20 years, 30 years, 30 years plus, I would always consider there to be new gardens inside of her for me to unlock. 00:25:33.759 --> 00:25:37.839 There will always be new fountains for me to unseal. 00:25:38.000 --> 00:25:48.079 There will always, as long as I stay curious, as long as I keep exploring, I will always be able to find new treasure inside of her. 00:25:48.559 --> 00:25:53.200 And um for us, it's it's actually been that way. 00:25:53.279 --> 00:25:56.640 And and we try our best to stay curious also together. 00:25:56.880 --> 00:26:07.599 One thing that we do as a couple is that every year we decide on learning something new together, just for the fun of it, something that neither of us knows anything about. 00:26:07.839 --> 00:26:12.799 So one year, a number of years back, we did motorbiking together, we learned that. 00:26:12.960 --> 00:26:16.079 Then we did scuba diving together, and we loved that. 00:26:16.240 --> 00:26:17.440 We're still doing that. 00:26:17.680 --> 00:26:25.359 We did cooking classes together one year, we started working out together at a gym one year, and we did traveling one year. 00:26:25.519 --> 00:26:31.119 This year, Maria's trying to talk me into doing ballroom dancing for 2025. 00:26:31.200 --> 00:26:36.799 I'm not convinced yet, but but she tends to have her will, so who knows? 00:26:36.880 --> 00:26:37.680 I don't know. 00:26:39.119 --> 00:26:40.000 But you know what? 00:26:40.079 --> 00:26:49.039 We've realized and learned that as we keep learning and being curious together, we also get to know each other on deeper levels all the time. 00:26:49.279 --> 00:26:52.079 Actually, Maria told me last year, I thought it was brilliant. 00:26:52.160 --> 00:26:57.519 She said, Joachim, I guess you're married to like the fifth version of me right now. 00:26:58.240 --> 00:27:00.400 Because that also adds to marriage. 00:27:00.720 --> 00:27:02.480 Life happens, right? 00:27:02.720 --> 00:27:03.839 And we change. 00:27:04.000 --> 00:27:08.400 And what if you stop being curious at version two of your wife? 00:27:08.480 --> 00:27:10.960 And now she's at version four or six. 00:27:11.279 --> 00:27:18.079 You gotta keep keep leaning into the process, keep being curious and keep exploring. 00:27:18.319 --> 00:27:21.200 Okay, wives, let me give you a piece of advice. 00:27:21.359 --> 00:27:24.160 This is quite simple, or it sounds so anyway. 00:27:24.480 --> 00:27:27.119 Wives, stay wives. 00:27:30.160 --> 00:27:31.119 Stay wives. 00:27:31.200 --> 00:27:33.200 What am I what do I mean by this? 00:27:33.599 --> 00:27:36.319 Stay more wife than mother. 00:27:38.079 --> 00:27:40.799 Stay more wife than mother. 00:27:41.039 --> 00:27:44.480 Always stay more wife than mother. 00:27:44.960 --> 00:27:54.799 It says in Genesis chapter 2, verse 24, this is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh. 00:27:54.960 --> 00:27:58.799 Adam and his wife were both naked and they felt no shame. 00:27:59.200 --> 00:28:11.680 There is nothing in the Word of God about this level of intimacy, transparency, vulnerability in between you and your children, but it is between you and your spouse. 00:28:12.319 --> 00:28:19.359 Your kids will be with you for a certain season, and then they will be gone and have families of their own. 00:28:19.680 --> 00:28:25.440 But you and your husband are called to stay by each other's side till death to you part. 00:28:26.160 --> 00:28:30.640 Keep investing in that relationship, even when you have kids. 00:28:30.799 --> 00:28:35.119 Obviously, this is something that is the responsibility of both husband and wife. 00:28:35.279 --> 00:28:44.960 We both share a responsibility in this, but the reason I address you wives with this advice is because you have a beautiful gift from God called maternal instincts. 00:28:45.440 --> 00:28:52.160 And there's few more beautiful things in the world than a mother's love for her children. 00:28:52.400 --> 00:29:00.640 But like every blessing given from God, it needs to be balanced because it can't go overboard as well. 00:29:01.119 --> 00:29:06.559 You know, I've I saw an interesting statistic regarding divorce recently. 00:29:06.799 --> 00:29:18.960 And it seems that throughout the timeline of a marriage, there are two times, two moments, two seasons where divorce is at high risk more than any other time in marriage. 00:29:19.200 --> 00:29:24.880 And one of those seasons was the first year after the first baby is born. 00:29:25.519 --> 00:29:30.480 And and we can understand, you know, that there's a lot of changes happening, right? 00:29:30.640 --> 00:29:32.079 There's not so much sleep. 00:29:32.240 --> 00:29:36.079 There can be a lot of pressure on a relationship in that season. 00:29:36.319 --> 00:29:43.359 However, the second area, the second season where where divorce was at high risk was fascinating to me. 00:29:43.519 --> 00:29:48.400 It was actually the first year after the last child moves out of your home. 00:29:48.799 --> 00:29:51.279 Your first year as empty nesters. 00:29:51.599 --> 00:29:55.440 And that's like 20, 25 years later in life, right? 00:29:56.000 --> 00:30:09.759 And I think the reason is that maybe you've gone so much into being father, a father or a mother, and not enough time spent being husband and wife that all of a sudden the kids are gone and you look at your hobby and you say, Who are you? 00:30:10.880 --> 00:30:15.039 I knew you back then, but I'm not really sure about now. 00:30:15.839 --> 00:30:26.640 And you might say as a as a wife, as a mother, but if I focus on our marriage, if I invest time and energy in that, maybe my children will suffer from it. 00:30:26.960 --> 00:30:28.240 No, they won't. 00:30:28.799 --> 00:30:39.200 Let me tell you, one of the greatest gifts you can give your children is to show them a model of a happy, healthy, and loving marriage. 00:30:39.519 --> 00:30:46.079 That's one of the most beautiful gifts you will ever be able to give your children. 00:30:47.279 --> 00:30:49.839 A final advice for the husbands. 00:30:50.720 --> 00:30:54.799 According to the word of God, Ephesians 5, stay loving. 00:30:55.680 --> 00:30:57.279 Stay loving. 00:30:58.160 --> 00:31:05.680 I don't know about you, but sometimes I've heard men uh quote Ephesians 5 at their wives. 00:31:07.359 --> 00:31:11.759 Wife, you should submit to me according to the word of God. 00:31:12.799 --> 00:31:15.519 Well, I'm sure that worked out great for you. 00:31:17.440 --> 00:31:19.839 Actually, we let's take a look at that verse. 00:31:20.000 --> 00:31:29.680 I mean, this verse really needs a whole lot of context for you to really make sense, but but let me just now don't have time to go into that, but let me just make one comment regarding it. 00:31:29.839 --> 00:31:31.599 Ephesians 5, 22. 00:31:31.759 --> 00:31:36.559 Wives, submit yourselves to your husbands as you do to the Lord. 00:31:36.880 --> 00:31:42.319 My only comment at this point is what is the first ver word of this verse? 00:31:43.359 --> 00:31:44.160 Wives. 00:31:44.640 --> 00:31:46.799 Who's this verse written to? 00:31:47.759 --> 00:31:48.480 Wives. 00:31:48.720 --> 00:31:51.279 Who's at the receiving end of this verse? 00:31:52.000 --> 00:31:52.640 Wives. 00:31:52.799 --> 00:31:53.119 Okay. 00:31:53.279 --> 00:32:01.119 So if you're a husband and you're quoting this back, you're reading someone else's mail. 00:32:07.359 --> 00:32:11.759 I was raised that reading someone else's mail is not very nice. 00:32:12.079 --> 00:32:25.599 So what you and I should do as husbands is really look and find out is there a verse in the vicinity of this one that starts with the word husbands by any chance? 00:32:25.920 --> 00:32:36.319 Maybe the best thing for us to do, rather than quote the wife verse back at our wives, is to try to obey that verse to the best of our capacity. 00:32:36.880 --> 00:32:39.359 And what do you know? 00:32:39.519 --> 00:32:40.480 There is one. 00:32:41.119 --> 00:32:42.960 Ephesians 5, verse 25. 00:32:43.119 --> 00:32:52.160 Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. 00:32:56.079 --> 00:33:03.599 Not just love your wives, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. 00:33:03.920 --> 00:33:14.720 How did Christ love the church passionately, sacrificially, and by placing her needs above his own? 00:33:15.359 --> 00:33:19.839 Christ did not have a need for himself to come down to this earth. 00:33:20.000 --> 00:33:32.559 He did not have a need to be uh criticized by the Pharisees on a daily basis, he did not have a need to be tortured and nailed to a cross, he did not have a need of his own to descend into hell. 00:33:32.720 --> 00:33:36.480 He did all that because of the needs of the church. 00:33:36.720 --> 00:33:41.680 And then he rose again, and now he looks in the eyes of husbands everywhere and says, You know what? 00:33:41.839 --> 00:33:43.039 You do that now. 00:33:43.920 --> 00:33:53.279 And if you do, and if we focus on loving the way Christ loved the church, our marriage can flourish throughout all seasons. 00:33:53.440 --> 00:34:02.079 And one of the things that we need to bring into our marriages is something we don't need, but that she needs, and it's called romantic love. 00:34:02.319 --> 00:34:05.039 And actually, the Bible is speaking about this. 00:34:05.359 --> 00:34:10.719 Jesus refers to the church of Ephesus in Revelation chapter 2, verse 4. 00:34:10.960 --> 00:34:13.199 And he says, I hold this against you. 00:34:13.440 --> 00:34:16.079 You have forsaken the love you had at first. 00:34:16.559 --> 00:34:22.559 Consider how far you have fallen, repent and do the things you did at first. 00:34:24.239 --> 00:34:36.639 If you translate this verse into a marriage context, it would basically mean whatever you did to get happily married, keep doing it to stay happily married. 00:34:37.119 --> 00:34:43.199 Do the things of your first love and let that vitalize your marriage. 00:34:43.519 --> 00:34:46.000 And you might be a man and you might tell me, you know what? 00:34:46.079 --> 00:34:47.039 I'm a man. 00:34:49.360 --> 00:34:51.440 I'm not into the romantic stuff. 00:34:51.519 --> 00:34:52.400 I'm a man. 00:34:52.559 --> 00:34:54.639 That's not my personality. 00:35:00.159 --> 00:35:03.360 Can I advise you just to change personality? 00:35:04.960 --> 00:35:26.079 I'm not a romantic by nature, but I learned this, and I realize that when I lean into this and try to give my wife that romantic love that doesn't make sense to me, but that she appreciates so much, I saw the sparkle in her eyes, I saw the happiness of her face, and I realized this is the best investment I can do into our marriage. 00:35:26.559 --> 00:35:34.719 The reason why we can't make work, I knew that would be there's husbands. 00:35:34.800 --> 00:35:38.400 Your wives paid me so much money to tell you this. 00:35:42.320 --> 00:35:48.320 And what the reason why we have a tough time is again because we're logic-basic human beings. 00:35:48.559 --> 00:36:07.039 We can accept the concept of birthday or anniversary or even Valentine's Day, but romantic love is about giving her flowers because it's Thursday, you know, like leaving a note on the kitchen table, not because you had to, but just because you went out of your way to show her how much you care. 00:36:07.199 --> 00:36:09.039 And we struggle a little bit with that. 00:36:09.199 --> 00:36:10.800 We need to build it into our system. 00:36:10.960 --> 00:36:18.320 I mean, if Maria would bring bring me flowers, she would never, by the way. 00:36:18.719 --> 00:36:20.719 And the reason is she knows me. 00:36:20.960 --> 00:36:25.519 She knows I would look at the flowers and I'll go, oh, thank you. 00:36:26.159 --> 00:36:31.199 Because I would appreciate the thought, but everything that would run through my head would be, How much did this cost? 00:36:32.960 --> 00:36:38.000 And I would think of all the other things I could have done with that amount of money. 00:36:38.320 --> 00:36:46.320 But let me tell you, just before we we pray, let me tell you how I learned the concept of romantic love. 00:36:46.719 --> 00:36:48.800 Because I know exactly when that happened. 00:36:48.960 --> 00:36:54.239 It was my first year of marriage to this woman, and her birthday was coming up, and I had done my homework. 00:36:54.400 --> 00:37:01.440 I got some presents together and got a cake, and I got white lilies because it's her favorite flower. 00:37:01.599 --> 00:37:02.800 So I got that together. 00:37:02.960 --> 00:37:05.679 Now, white lilies have got long stems. 00:37:05.840 --> 00:37:10.559 So you really need like a tall, strong vase, otherwise, the whole thing will tip over. 00:37:10.960 --> 00:37:16.480 I see nodding hands from the women in the room, men looking at me like I don't know what you're talking about. 00:37:16.639 --> 00:37:17.760 It's okay. 00:37:18.239 --> 00:37:21.760 So the day before her birthday, she was out doing errands. 00:37:21.840 --> 00:37:25.519 I was at home and I was preparing everything, getting everything right and in order. 00:37:25.679 --> 00:37:30.239 So I put the white lilies in the only vase we have that was tall enough. 00:37:30.400 --> 00:37:31.360 It was a black vase. 00:37:31.440 --> 00:37:40.880 So I put them down there and um and I looked at it, and and the Holy Spirit must have come upon me because I I got a thought that I would never normally have. 00:37:41.519 --> 00:37:46.079 The contrast between the black vase and the white lilies was a bit harsh. 00:37:49.119 --> 00:37:52.880 So I said, What can I do to soften it up a little bit? 00:37:53.119 --> 00:37:55.119 And another Holy Spirit thought came. 00:37:55.280 --> 00:38:03.280 Maybe if I take a like a white ribbon and and wrap it around the vase, maybe that will make it look a bit better. 00:38:03.599 --> 00:38:06.719 Next thought, where do I get a white ribbon? 00:38:07.280 --> 00:38:08.800 The fabric store. 00:38:09.360 --> 00:38:14.639 The fabric store that I passed by 3,400 times, but never ever entered into. 00:38:15.119 --> 00:38:18.400 So I got in the car, got down to the fabric store, entered. 00:38:18.639 --> 00:38:26.480 Funniest thing, when you enter a fabric store as a man, it's an interesting experience because they treat you like a disabled person. 00:38:27.760 --> 00:38:33.920 They'll be like a wheelchair, an oxygen tank, like you're gonna be okay, husband, you're gonna be okay. 00:38:34.159 --> 00:38:36.800 So I bought a piece of white ribbon for like two dollars. 00:38:36.960 --> 00:38:42.079 I got it back home, uh, I I wrapped it around the vase, and it looked a little bit better. 00:38:42.239 --> 00:38:45.519 So next day, birthday, I I I bring all this to Maria. 00:38:45.599 --> 00:38:51.760 I said, Happy birthday, honey, gifts, cake, flowers, and and she said, Oh, that's so sweet of you. 00:38:51.920 --> 00:38:56.239 And then she looked at the flowers and she said, What's that? 00:38:57.280 --> 00:39:00.719 And I said, It's white lilies, it's your favorite thing. 00:39:00.960 --> 00:39:03.760 And no, no, no, what's what's the vase? 00:39:04.639 --> 00:39:07.360 I said, it's it's our it's our black one. 00:39:07.519 --> 00:39:10.880 Like she said, what did you do to it? 00:39:12.239 --> 00:39:15.280 And I'm not I don't know if this is good or bad yet, you know. 00:39:15.360 --> 00:39:17.119 I just kind of navigate the situation. 00:39:17.199 --> 00:39:25.599 So I said, uh well, uh uh uh I got a white ribbon, just wrapped it around to make it look a bit like softer. 00:39:26.480 --> 00:39:29.840 She looked and said, Where did you get the white ribbon? 00:39:30.159 --> 00:39:33.519 I said, uh I went I went down to the fabric store. 00:39:34.400 --> 00:39:39.119 And then she goes, You went down to the fabric store. 00:39:42.559 --> 00:39:43.920 You did that for me. 00:39:44.079 --> 00:39:45.199 Oh, come over here. 00:39:49.119 --> 00:40:03.199 At the end of the day, gateway, she was more happy for a two-dollar silk ribbon than for all the presents that I brought her, and I realized I can save a whole lot of money. 00:40:07.039 --> 00:40:09.119