Life's a wild ride, and sometimes it takes a girls' trip to Key West or a cozy night in with video games to remind us of that. Our latest adventures serve as a backdrop to a deeper conversation about the importance of authenticity in our social lives and how genuine relationships can impact our resolve. In this episode, we're tackling the intricacies of New Year's resolutions with a blend of humor, personal ambition, and the resilience required to make lasting changes. From embracing healthier diets to shedding pounds and the discipline of meal prepping, we're unpacking the journey of transformation and the joy of discovering surprisingly delightful whole food options.
As we wrap up, we emphasize that discipline and support play pivotal roles in the success of any personal endeavor. I share insights from my choice to work independently, highlighting the power of self-reflection and authenticity in reaching our goals. We also celebrate the importance of having someone to lean on, whether within a relationship or through a supportive community. Join us as we discuss the essence of perseverance, the necessity of self-forgiveness for those off days, and why striving for authenticity in every aspect of life is crucial.
Please email us at Gettoknowthedevil@gmail.com
Life's a wild ride, and sometimes it takes a girls' trip to Key West or a cozy night in with video games to remind us of that. Our latest adventures serve as a backdrop to a deeper conversation about the importance of authenticity in our social lives and how genuine relationships can impact our resolve. In this episode, we're tackling the intricacies of New Year's resolutions with a blend of humor, personal ambition, and the resilience required to make lasting changes. From embracing healthier diets to shedding pounds and the discipline of meal prepping, we're unpacking the journey of transformation and the joy of discovering surprisingly delightful whole food options.
As we wrap up, we emphasize that discipline and support play pivotal roles in the success of any personal endeavor. I share insights from my choice to work independently, highlighting the power of self-reflection and authenticity in reaching our goals. We also celebrate the importance of having someone to lean on, whether within a relationship or through a supportive community. Join us as we discuss the essence of perseverance, the necessity of self-forgiveness for those off days, and why striving for authenticity in every aspect of life is crucial.
Please email us at Gettoknowthedevil@gmail.com
This is Cleveland.
Lindsay Oakes:This is Lindsay.
Cleveland Oakes:And this is another episode of the Devil. You Don't Know, lindsay, what are we going to be talking about today? New Year's resolutions, new Year's resolutions. I resolved this year to stop repeating yourself, repeating myself and saying this was in my notes, but maybe I won't.
Lindsay Oakes:And before we start that, what did you eat this week?
Cleveland Oakes:Oh well, this week, which was amazing because it's Sunday and it's the beginning of the week you just made this amazing like plant-based burger, that was just. It didn't look appealing. It looked like seeds and like a giant cookie, and I don't know what the fuck was going on up in that shit, but I put it in my mouth and it was delicious.
Lindsay Oakes:But you tried mine first to make sure that you approved yes.
Lindsay Oakes:So, Cleve is a vegan junk food aficionado Aficionado, I'll tell you. He loves some vegan junk food. He calls himself Count Snackula. Whatever he can get his hands on, that's vegan chips, chicken patties, anything from any aisle in the supermarket he loves it. But I think the Devil of the Week for both of us I know for me, but you could speak for yourself is that I have decided, after reading how Not to Diet and watching what was that called the Twin Experiment. You are what you eat, oh, you are what you eat. Right, I have decided that we are going to go. Whole food, plant-based, no oil, 2024.
Cleveland Oakes:Yeah, but that's not our New Year resolution, is it no?
Lindsay Oakes:because we're already plant-based. I'm about 95% plant-based. You love vegan junk food, but I think the biggest devil for me is that I really want to lose a little bit of weight before we go on our next vacation, and so I have to make the commitment to kind of jump all in and cook at home and meal prep at home and eat the things that are here.
Cleveland Oakes:Yeah, and one of the reasons I made the joke about the New Year's resolution is because that's what we're going to talk about is about resolutions, and we're starting this in the new year, or at least I'm starting this in the new year, but it's not for me. It's not the idea of like, oh, it's genuine.
Lindsay Oakes:Let's talk about that burger first. Do you even know what was in that burger?
Cleveland Oakes:I don't have no idea what was in that burger. I just know it was amazing. Do you want to know? Yes, please tell us and tell the audience. Hey, you know what? You can share the recipe on the website, but tell us and tell the audience it was from a cookbook called the Plant-Based Cookbook and it's a vegan, oil-free cookbook.
Lindsay Oakes:whole plant foods and it had chickpeas in it. Yum, it had pumpkin seeds, flax seeds.
Cleveland Oakes:That is the first thing I saw. I was like that shit has far too many seeds in it to be a goddamn burger. And I was sus. I was like what?
Lindsay Oakes:Yeah, because Cleve has a thing when he eats where he's like this tastes a little too healthy for me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, but Cleve's blood pressure and cholesterol will thank him. Yeah, maybe, so it had chickpeas, flax seeds, pumpkin seeds, Lots of seeds, Nutritional yeast, garlic powder, allspice whole month. Maybe cayenne.
Cleveland Oakes:Was there turmeric in it?
Lindsay Oakes:Because I remember there was turmeric, because I couldn't find it after I used another recipe this morning and then it had in it some mushrooms, onions and peppers and maybe a little garlic, but it was all kind of pulsed in the food processor and then formed into patties and baked for a really long time and you were very skeptical about it.
Cleveland Oakes:Sceptical, a skeptical AF.
Lindsay Oakes:And this week I actually made some homemade pickled onions, which I like to keep pickled onions or pickled veggies in the fridge, because you love to have sandwiches. Sandwich King, yeah, you are. So you were a little skeptical about my burger, but you took a bite of mine and you were like, oh, it's actually really good. Now I want one. Yeah, it was good. It was, even though I offered you one before I made mine.
Cleveland Oakes:As we say in Espanol I'm going to do my Mike Bloomberg Spanish in fuego, as it was on fire. It was really. It was really that good.
Lindsay Oakes:Yeah. So I guess in a way right, I am resolving to eat more plants I eat a lot of plants anyway, only plants but I'm resolving to eat less processed food and replace them with plants in 2024. But let's talk a little bit about resolutions.
Cleveland Oakes:Yeah, I wanted to talk about resolutions because I'm a big gym fan and I go to the gym. I've been going to the gym maybe now for oh, jesus Christ, maybe like 20, 20 years and for those of you.
Lindsay Oakes:I've actually been avoiding the gym for the past couple of weeks. Well, first of all, I have been on a really long vacation. Yes, you were. I left you back here and I left on another vacation.
Cleveland Oakes:Well, everybody knows who follows us because we had the special guest last week. But I think when you came back, when I picked you up from the airport last week, what did you say? Like I've been on vacation for like a month.
Lindsay Oakes:I've been on vacation for so long. It was fucking amazing. But I was ready to get back, and not because I wanted to be back in New York, but because I just was tired of living out of a suitcase and eating out. I would have been OK staying for the whole season if I had a proper kitchen, but I did. I had a little bit of a girls trip on the end of our two week trip to Florida. I had a little bit of a girls trip to Key West and it was a little bit wild and fun and there was a lot of laughter. There were a lot of cocktails and a lot of bar hopping and a little bit of bike riding, but not much.
Cleveland Oakes:One of my colleagues where I work in the office was like you just like. It's not. Like, oh, it's not fair that you did an episode with your wife's not there. It's like oh, you, what? Are you trying to push her off her own show? No, no, no, no.
Lindsay Oakes:No, I was OK, actually really enjoyed the episode and, but I did miss you and I have to say right that and I was talking about this with someone the other day in relationships and in real love, right, you're not a very affectionate person, you're not very like emotional and lovey-dovey, but, like I have to say that sometimes it makes it better, because when my Uber pulled up, the kids said that you pushed them physically, pushed them out of the way to get out to the porch to see me, because you missed me. Yes, I did, yes.
Cleveland Oakes:I did, don't you remember?
Lindsay Oakes:That was really lovely.
Cleveland Oakes:Yes, I ran and hugged you when you, as soon as you, pulled up.
Lindsay Oakes:Yeah, but I basically was. You know, I was not living up like a wildlife in Key West. We were in bed by like nine o'clock at night, we did get stuck in a rainstorm, we were eating dinner at like six, and but it was much needed. It was very relaxing and I definitely I don't know if I can go away without you for a long time- yeah, I got the boulders.
Cleveland Oakes:I got to do some. I did get to get in some good quality time with my Xbox. I told one of my clients this week I got to play so much Baldur's Gate 3 while you were gone that I got tired of Baldur's Gate 3. And it's like that's really hard. But it's really hard.
Lindsay Oakes:I was like I always say to people like I know that you miss me, but in a way I think sometimes you like when I go away, because you can just play your video games and eat all of your Tofurky sandwiches and do all the things that I don't really let you do when I'm here.
Cleveland Oakes:So so, while you were gone and we're going to get to our topic eventually, but while you're gone I did go out with our friend Stan. Oh, Stan he was playing in a music show at TV I, which is a great little club of music venue out.
Lindsay Oakes:I think you were in bed much later than I was that night. Oh my God.
Cleveland Oakes:Let me tell you I got I Stan hit me up and was like hey bro, my music show starts at 1120. Stan is awesome, we'll have one to show.
Lindsay Oakes:Yeah, let's have Stan on the show.
Cleveland Oakes:But he was like hey, my show starts at 1120. I want you to come out, and I remember getting in the car.
Lindsay Oakes:Well, it's just top for me, because you know what I love about Stan that I don't like about other people. Stan like what you see is what you get he's really I love people who are just authentic and they knew, who know who. They are Right and he's just like. This is who I am.
Cleveland Oakes:Yeah, he's a genuine soul. If any of you ladies out there in the audience are single, a single looking for a handsome, really nice guy who's in touch with his emotions. Stan is the guy and he plays music.
Lindsay Oakes:He's got, he's in a rock band, he's in a band and he's got a corporate job during the day, so he can you know he's not, he's not broke.
Cleveland Oakes:Email us at get to know the devil at gmailcom. Yeah, we can have a dating service for Stan.
Lindsay Oakes:Wouldn't that be great? I think Stan would be. He would like that. I think he would be horrified. Anyway, let's go. No, he wouldn't Wait wait, wait so let me tell my story. That's what I said. Let's get back to it and it would get into the topic right.
Cleveland Oakes:So it was 1030 at night and I'm getting in my car and I remember like 10 years ago before I met Lindsey, being in my 40s, being in my 30s, and I'm like 1030 was when you got up. This is like. This is when the party starts at 50 years old. It just felt fundamentally wrong to get into the car to start the evening at 1030 at night and Stan set didn't even start to go to bed to four and four in the morning because we because after the set, the show was great. It was David Bowie night. It was amazing. A lot of folks out in David Bowie costumes. The lead singer for I think, was Michael T, In the vanities is the name of Stan's band. Awesome, it was a great band, great set. But after hanging out with him and I called my friend Dave to come out, you know from from, from from work.
Lindsay Oakes:Oh, you called Dave. Yeah, I hit Dave. I didn't know that. Yeah, I hit Dave. I thought he just happened to be there.
Cleveland Oakes:No, no, no. I hit Dave up and I was like, Dave, come out, Look at you.
Lindsay Oakes:I go away and you hang out with the people you don't get to see. Yeah, and I hung out with Dave and Dave, maybe I'm holding you back.
Cleveland Oakes:No, no, no, you're holding me back because, let me tell you, let me tell you, I was hurt for like three days for three days because I'm not.
Lindsay Oakes:I'm fit to stay out till four o'clock in the morning anymore, and Skyler saw the picture Not me, because I was getting up at eight and by 1030 I was having brunch mimosas at the Moondog Cafe and then I was walking miles and miles and miles every day in QS.
Cleveland Oakes:So I didn't tell you this. But yeah, so so you were having a nice productive vacation.
Lindsay Oakes:You came back, I was exercising, I was eating healthy, I mean aside from the mimosas and the vodka sodas.
Cleveland Oakes:But I remember the picture I sent you and Denise of Stan and I.
Lindsay Oakes:Yeah, yeah.
Cleveland Oakes:Skyler. I saw that to Skyler, who's the? Who's our middle daughter, second daughter, and she said you should be ashamed of yourself. She said you too old to be out there, y'all old, y'all shouldn't be in the club at four o'clock and really what she was thinking was well, you didn't invite me.
Lindsay Oakes:No, I think she.
Cleveland Oakes:I think she didn't want to be there with you. No, no, she just looked at the picture. She's like Lindsay knew you were out. You should be ashamed of yourself being out of your mind, oh you can go out anytime you want and just like you tell me right.
Lindsay Oakes:I mean, last time I was out with Denise like that on a trip, was to Jamaica, and you know, and that's the thing I think that's great about our relationship, you let me go away, but you never want to.
Cleveland Oakes:Yeah, I'm like, I'm good, I'm good, I'm good If we want to go you also have the limited vacation package at your job.
Lindsay Oakes:I don't have that.
Cleveland Oakes:It's nice because you work for yourself and, as I told the audience last week, the hope is for us to become wealthy so that we don't have to work.
Lindsay Oakes:but you know, not traditional work, but but I like working for myself, like I'm okay doing what I'm doing. I really am. But anyway, before that, we were away in Florida. I think we recorded when we were in Florida and let's, just before we get into our topic, let's just talk for a minute about that place called seed to table.
Cleveland Oakes:Oh, seed to table Alfre, Alfre was it.
Lindsay Oakes:Alphie Oaks. Alphie Oaks.
Cleveland Oakes:You know, alphie, if you listen to your show, your cousin Cleveland because I am Cleveland Oaks wants some of that seed to table money. What's crazy about seed to table? I didn't. I've. You know one of my colleagues in the office.
Lindsay Oakes:We've heard about it. Right, people talk about oh you've got to go to seed to table on your Naples, and we're like it's a grocery store. Yeah, what's amazing. We're not really cooking, we're on vacation, so we don't really need to go to the grocery store. But this is not a grocery store, it's like a destination, it is a destination, it is a destination.
Lindsay Oakes:Yeah, and we walked in. I think you forgot something in the car, so I might have been milling around on my own for a few minutes, is that right? Oh, you were definitely milling about and you had to go out to the car for something, yep, and then, at 10.45 in the morning, you said to me oh my god, look at that lady. And what did we look at? She?
Cleveland Oakes:had. She was pushing her shopping cart In her tennis whites, in her tennis whites, with wine.
Lindsay Oakes:In a glass, like with a real glass with a stem on it and everything.
Cleveland Oakes:And it was a mother. No, no, no, no, no. I'm going to curse for a second. It's an explicit podcast. But then it was another motherfucker with a beer, yeah, pushing his car, pushing it, and I'm like what is happening here?
Lindsay Oakes:And what did I say to you? I feel like I'm in some parallel universe, like where are we? And so I was like what's going on here? And then we looked around a little bit and like people are just drinking cocktails and shopping, and I'm like with real glassware, that could never happen in New York. And so then we started to mill around more and we found like a whole beer garden in there, and then I said, oh, but I'd like wine. And they were like well, the wine bar is over there.
Cleveland Oakes:In genius. And then they said if you'd?
Lindsay Oakes:like a cocktail with liquor. It's on the second floor.
Cleveland Oakes:And who does that? Wait a minute? What about the daycare?
Lindsay Oakes:Well, I was going to say we didn't actually know about that until we said to the woman who owned our Airbnb outside one day have you been to this place? Like what is this place? And she said oh my god, they have a daycare For two hours, it's free. I dropped my kids and my husband and I go and have a drink and have dinner and then we pick them up. What like? What is that? You could never have that here. No, and there's a whole liquor store in the supermarket. I was like, where are we? There's live music seven days a week in that place.
Cleveland Oakes:Yeah, and they were taking reservations for New Year's Eve.
Lindsay Oakes:And then we were a little hungry. And our friends from the East Coast who had come over, patty and Aaron, who you know my sorority sister We've hung out with them a bunch now every time we're in Florida. They never come north, you notice. Yeah, it's cold.
Cleveland Oakes:Who wants to come up here?
Lindsay Oakes:So they met us there and we ordered food. And when you order the food, they give you like a GPS tracker to find you wherever you are in the supermarket and they're like here's your Portobella vegan burger.
Cleveland Oakes:Which was delicious.
Lindsay Oakes:But they find you. Yeah, they put a GPS tracker on you so they can find you. If you could be on the second floor, the first floor, the third floor, you could be at the beer garden, the wine bar, you could be sitting down, you could be in the daycare and they're like here's your food.
Cleveland Oakes:What's funny is I have a few colleagues in the office who are snowbirds, who have homes in Naples, and they gave me a little bit of a background on Alfie Oaks, who is the owner of Seed to Table and the owner of this farm.
Lindsay Oakes:Well, you better tell them that you're related.
Cleveland Oakes:And it's funny is Alfie Oaks is a die-hard Republican. This is a political freeze-on, lindsey and I don't talk politics.
Lindsay Oakes:We do not talk politics. Make it short. Yeah, he's dim.
Cleveland Oakes:Oh, no, wait, wait. This is a point. Here we're neither Democratic or Republican. I work in entertainment, so I work with a lot of liberal folks, and even liberal folks were like Alfie Oaks motherfucking genius.
Lindsay Oakes:I think our oldest right who love him. He said wow, it sounds like it would take forever to get out there, and I thought that's exactly what he would like.
Cleveland Oakes:That's the point.
Lindsay Oakes:Right, because now you go to shop and you're like oh, let me have a couple glasses of wine. Oh, I'll have a Portobello burger. Oh, you know what, let me grocery shop now and visit all the specialty shops within the shop, and then you pay in one place and $500 later you're out there. Yeah, it's great I mean, we didn't even have a kitchen and I don't know what we spent there, but we spent.
Cleveland Oakes:But that's the point. It's amazing, but you know what? So that was where we spent New.
Lindsay Oakes:Year's was in Naples, Florida, but let's get on now to the topic which is New Year's resolution. Right, like I mean. What do you think a resolution is?
Cleveland Oakes:Well, what I was going to say as somebody who goes to the gym. One of the things that annoys me about New Year's resolutions is all the New Year's resolution people that suddenly show up.
Lindsay Oakes:You notice I haven't been to the gym because I'm waiting for them to finish up this week. What the New Year's resolution people. Yeah, and then I'm going to go back.
Cleveland Oakes:Because if, for all of you guys in the audience who go to the gym, you know, in January, all the New Year's resolution, people come out and they're hogging the machines and they don't know what to do, and for those of you who are like gym goers, this is like the worst time of year, but what happens is they suddenly peter out. And so what I wanted to talk about, why we came up with this idea is I talked to Lindsay is like why don't resolutions work? Why does it? People make a big deal, like you know, like I'm going to wash them, like I have somebody I talked to a couple of weeks ago and they talked about bathing in the water, that this is a New Year ritual that they like, on the first of January, they go into the ocean and they bathe the last year, oh, like the polar plunge.
Cleveland Oakes:Yeah, the polar plunge and they bathe the, but then they wind up repeating everything they did in the last year. So what is the point of the resolution, I wonder, and that's why I wanted to talk about it.
Lindsay Oakes:Yeah, I mean, I feel like I mean to me. If you asked me what a resolution was, I would say kind of, it's like a resolve to change. Right is to be a little bit different in one area of your life. And people will say, oh, I'm going to stop drinking, I'm going to stop smoking, I'm going to go out on a diet, I'm going to lose weight, I'm going to exercise, right. Those are probably the most common resolutions. But then when I started looking into it, only about eight to 9% of people actually stick with their resolutions, which kind of begs me to ask, like, are they just doing it because it's a New Year?
Cleveland Oakes:Yeah, and it makes me think is maybe the goal was unrealistic in the first place. Right? One of the things I love about the Seven Habits is this highly successful people. He talks Dr Kovie and it talks about like not making your goals right, and one of the things that he says is, if you wanted apples and you come out with oranges in the end, then that means that your goal was not aligned.
Lindsay Oakes:So perhaps you know, oh, it's so interesting that you say that, right, because what I was thinking about it is like it's your path, is your own, right. And the reason that we don't really make a resolution and stick with it is because of the very reason that we started this podcast, yeah, right which is we become so uncomfortable in our lives, right, and even if we're not happy, it's what we know, right. And so we're like, oh, we have to stick with this, we have to just do this because you know what it pays the bills or this or that. Right, it's the best thing for us. But it's like that.
Lindsay Oakes:It comes back to what we've talked about a few times, which is like authenticity, right, we become really comfortable with where we are, and we're like, well, I'm not really happy, but you know what? I have a lot of money and I pay the bills, and so we sacrifice our authenticity, our happiness, our truth to ourselves to just be OK. And that was why we started this, which is, you know what? We're comfortable where we are, this is what we know and we're comfortable with what we know. And I think you and I have both struggled with that right, because I think we're kind of, both of us are in right now, a place where we're ready for the next thing, but we can't quite take the leap. Yes, and it's challenging, because it's like that's where I think resolutions come from. What do you think?
Cleveland Oakes:Yeah, yeah. One of the things that Curt and I talked about last week is there's optimism and there's hope, right. And optimism is like wow, you know what? I hope this resolution works, right. Like you want to lose weight, I want to continue my weight loss journey.
Lindsay Oakes:I want to lose weight, but I also want to just feel comfortable, like I'm not looking for a number or a size, I'm just like I want to feel good, but you're not optimistic about it.
Cleveland Oakes:You've taken steps Like you have a choice.
Lindsay Oakes:Yeah, no, I'm not like, oh, I can do it, I can't do it. It's more for me like you know what, like I want to be healthier, I want to feel good. It's not so much like I want to lose weight yes, I definitely think that losing weight will be a part of it, but I want to feel better.
Cleveland Oakes:But for some people that's a resolution. Right, this is most people, most for many.
Cleveland Oakes:But why January 1st? Right, right, and for most people, for many people, this is how it starts I'm going to lose weight on January 21st, right, I'm going to use January 1st, january 1st. And one of the things that happens is that you can't, you have to plan it right. And so one of the things that Curt and I talked about is optimism is like oh, I'm going to lose weight, but you don't make a plan, and hope is I'm going to plan it right, I'm going to put it together. And I think what happens with a lot of folks is like we have a hope and we have an ambition and we have a resolution that we're going to do this In a few years. We've resolved that we're going to move to Florida or we've resolved that we're going to move here.
Cleveland Oakes:Oh, no, we're going to move to Florida but anyway. But we've put steps into place, right?
Lindsay Oakes:I think the one of these yeah, but doesn't that feel so much easier than losing weight.
Cleveland Oakes:Oh, losing weight is a slog. I've lost 40 pounds. It is a slog. But one of the things that happens, I think, why resolutions fail and why people don't plan Like they think it's just going to be easy and the first time they have a challenge like, ah, this is crazy, right. Like, say, for instance, for the folks that go to the gym. If you're not used to going to the gym, you know you come back achy. What I've been talking about in the last week your back hurts your foot hurts, your hip hurts.
Lindsay Oakes:Yeah, my back hurts, my foot, your neck, yesterday was your neck.
Cleveland Oakes:And then. So we weren't in the office the other day and I'm not going to say any names, but it was the young lady who sits behind me and it was my buddy that you know. We'll call him the Greek, we'll call him Jimmy the Greek and we're all complaining of we have the same injury and the young lady Are you all going to the gym? Are we all going?
Lindsay Oakes:That's what she said.
Cleveland Oakes:She was like you know, we all go to the gym, right, Like oh yeah. So part of, I think, what happens is why resolutions fail is because not only do people lack planning and they don't plan for it, but once they start hitting those adversities, once they start hitting that sore back or the pushback is they lack planning and they lack motivation.
Lindsay Oakes:Yeah, and I think we also really strongly identify with the way we are right, it's comfortable, it's how we're relevant, it's how people know us right. So for me, it's like people know me with a few extra pounds on right and that's my relevance to them and Yummy, oh, my God, stop Right. And I think so. It's like you know, we identify in that way with ourselves as the good, the bad, the ugly, whatever. It is right. That is who we are. And is it who I authentically am? No, what I like.
Lindsay Oakes:And the thing is it's like for me, like I said earlier and I stand by this it's not about a size or a number on the scale, it's about feeling good. And it's that discomfort and getting to the place of feeling good right, because I'm really comfortable where I am now. Sure, I could sit here and snack and eat processed foods and cook two nights a week and go out another night, and then you know whatever it is. But I told you last week, right, once I got home, I was like that's it, I got to just spend the time right.
Cleveland Oakes:It's that switch in your brain that goes off, that says, like you know what, if I want to be different, I have to do something, right right In the pre-show, when we talked about when we were, when we were brainstorming topics and we were talking about bringing this up, you said something that really clicked for me in my head like it's a resolution. Like, if it's a resolution, why wait for the new year?
Lindsay Oakes:Yeah, and I think I think people use that as an excuse of let me get a few more months or a few more weeks out of these bad habits, right, and it's Jack Cornfield recently said in something I can't even remember where I listened to it, because you know I do all these mindfulness trainings and meditations and things but he said that the brain and the heart are both trainable.
Lindsay Oakes:Right, and I do think a lot of the resolution stuff and the way we have to be I can't smoke, I can't drink, I can't eat this, I have to be that, I have to be this it's in our head, right, and it's such a mind game. Yeah, because this week, I mean, there were nights where I was just like, fuck, I'm still fucking cooking and it's nine o'clock so that I can have food for all of us, and I sent you with lunches we ate very healthy this week but at the end of the week I was like, oh, it's sucked, but I feel so good that I'm willing to do it again, right, right. And I thought by the end of the week I felt really good and I thought, you know, it's like our own head is what makes things so hard. I don't know what do you think about that?
Cleveland Oakes:Yeah, I think it's our own heads Right, and I think sometimes I think what also hurts is when we have setback. A lot of times when I sit down with clients and I'll even talk about my own relationship with my own therapist is whenever I have a setback.
Cleveland Oakes:I feel all of a sudden like, oh, let me just throw it all away, let me throw it out the window, and I think, what happens, why resolutions fail or why those people disappear from the gym is that they get the achy back or they pull themselves and they're like oh, this is it, this is not for me and I'm done.
Lindsay Oakes:Yeah, so interesting. You say that because I think, when it comes to setbacks and I say this to a lot of my clients as a therapist right, you could work on your own shit for years, right, I? And I say and I use myself as an example you could work on yourself and you can go to classes and you could take trainings, and you can do all this stuff, and then, all of a sudden, you could be great and then, all of a sudden, you could be like, oh my God, I did that shit again. Right, I did that thing that I do again. And it's like you know the brain, it's like you train yourself, right to change and your brain remembers it. And then, all of a sudden, one day you're like a little lax and you're like, oh shit, I did it again.
Lindsay Oakes:And and that's the thing, right, I think you said to me today that I come from a family of hotheads and I'm like, yeah, but I haven't yelled in a really long time, right, because I'm so mindful of it. But you saw my emotions come out in other ways this weekend, right, and so it's like you know, no matter how hard you work on training yourself, right, and it really is like training right. I mean, think about it. If you were going to run a marathon, you would train right. If you're going to stop getting so hot, you have to train. But you still have a bad day when you're running right and you still sometimes lose it and say something, and so it's this whole piece of like. You know what. You may go back and do that thing again, but it doesn't mean. That's who you are.
Cleveland Oakes:Yeah, one of the things that one of my professors said in residency at grad school last last year was that human behavior is on a spectrum of continuum right. So so you may, especially if you're somebody who's trying to overcome a bad habit. It's not Monday. You may be great Tuesday, you may fall off. Wednesday you may be back exactly with that bad habit Wasn't in. Thursday, you may be back again. It's a continuum Right, and I think what happened, what happens with resolutions, is that folks have one set back and one fall back and they're like I'm done.
Lindsay Oakes:Yeah, and I think also the change means suffering. Yeah, right, because if you were to give up every single process for what I did, see me in a few chips today they were good.
Cleveland Oakes:They were good, right, they were good.
Lindsay Oakes:But like how you will suffer, but like how do you achieve your goals Right Without a little bit of suffering and challenge and difficulty?
Cleveland Oakes:So it sounds like you're saying to me that resolutions need a little bit of discipline, that you can't just resolve without the discipline.
Lindsay Oakes:Yeah, absolutely, and it's OK if you fall back. It doesn't mean I need to fall completely off the wagon and start over. It can be, you know. I mean it's like they say if you are, you know, changing habits, ok, I mean, obviously it's not a severe habit, but for us it's like OK, I didn't go to the gym today, you know what, I can go back tomorrow, right, or I ate some chips there. We went out for dinner and it wasn't quite on plan, but, like the next meal, you can get back, right. And I think it's that. You know there's going to be a little bit of suffering, but the suffering is greater when you chastise yourself about it, right, right.
Cleveland Oakes:One of the things I always talk to my clients about, especially clients when we talk about goals and setting goals and being resolved and to make changes in our life. I quote first Corinthians 927, where Paul said the Apostle Paul said I strike, no, I strike a blow to my body and make it my slave, so that after I have preached to my, to others, I myself might not be disqualified. Other versions of that Paul talks about pummeling his body, right? So what Paul is saying is that, hey, I don't. It's one thing to read the scripture, but you still have to have discipline, discipline to get the things that you want. So a resolution, strength doesn't come cheap, right. So a resolution without action, faith without works is dead.
Lindsay Oakes:Yeah, I mean, that would be like me saying I meditate without meditating, Right. Is that what you mean? Yes, yeah, right. And so it's like the thing is is like strength doesn't come cheap, right, and it's our ego, right To that other part of ourselves that tells us that we can't do it Right. If you quit the ego with the mind, right, it's like, ah, you fucked up, just forget it. Go eat the chips, right. Go to Burger King, go out and have a meal out, and, and the thing is, if you listen to that voice, right, it just adds to the suffering. But like, you can overcome that by saying, like you know what, oh, it's okay, I could just switch at the next meal, right, or I can go back to the gym tomorrow, right.
Cleveland Oakes:Right. And so I think what happens with folks that just make the result, make the resolution, and they have the slip up and they have that. They use that as a reason not to get back up. Would you agree?
Lindsay Oakes:I do, and I think one of the first things I talked about in breathwork with Trish was how Maya Angelou says right, the price is high, the reward is great. Right, which to me translates to translates to it's not easy. Right, you have to put in the work. But when you put in the work and you come out on the other side, the reward is great. Right, Whatever it may be. Right You're if it's smoking, drinking, exercising, losing weight, eating, healthier, whatever it is. When you come out on the other side and you say to yourself, like I'm willing to deal with the suffering to feel better, that you come out and you're like oh, I did it. Right, so like it is, the reward is really great.
Cleveland Oakes:Yeah, I often when I sit down with clients. I've been in corporate America for about the last 40 years and when I sit down with clients, I always tell them that the things that work in corporate America also work in your personal, personal life.
Lindsay Oakes:Yeah, right, I mean because corporate America runs by a set of rules.
Cleveland Oakes:Yes and I wanted.
Lindsay Oakes:things I think about I don't follow rules, by the way.
Cleveland Oakes:So I don't know if I have. No, I don't follow rules. You remind me of that almost daily.
Lindsay Oakes:Well, you don't follow rules at home, but you follow them.
Cleveland Oakes:really well, it works because I get paid, though they pay me, but one of the things that I pay you with love.
Lindsay Oakes:What the?
Cleveland Oakes:hell, ok, ok. So I resolved to get better, but what are the things that we do that we've talked about at the beginning of the years? We have what's long range planning right, so we don't come into the office at work. Yeah, it worked, and so we don't come.
Lindsay Oakes:You did that, yeah, we didn't even tell me.
Cleveland Oakes:No, we're doing long range, because we're in the midst of doing long range planning right now.
Lindsay Oakes:You know what my long range planning is. There's a long range plan I'm about to buy that house in Florida. We're about to buy that house. We're about to and don't tell anyone where it is. No, I won't tell anybody else.
Cleveland Oakes:Did you like to run your mouth this week about that house?
Lindsay Oakes:I'm excited, but wait a minute. Yeah, but no, but like that's the thing, my long range planning is like you know, I get up in the morning and I meditate on what I want right, attracting clients that I want to work with, having a successful podcast and having my house down in Florida yeah, that's in that area.
Cleveland Oakes:that I'm not telling anyone, no, no no, no, no, it's up and coming, but we won't tell you. But here's the thing. Is that? So, going back to resolutions, it's not like we wake up and we sit in the accounting department, the finance department and the legal department all come together.
Lindsay Oakes:And corporate America. Other people are telling you what you need to do. That's the difference.
Lindsay Oakes:But go ahead, we plan, we plan right Because you plan based on what other people tell you to plan. Resolutions for me are within yourself. Got you, who are you authentically and who do you want to be? Right, I mean, if you want to be in that job forever, ok, and there's a lot of people that do, I get that. Yeah, right. There's a lot of people that go to the external instead of going to the internal, because the external is what pays the bills.
Cleveland Oakes:But what I was going to say is that I do and I respect your point and I think your point is spot on but just like a work plans, what they're going to do is not like we come in and you think my plan is spot on because you have the corporate job with the benefits and everything, and I'm over here flying by the sea to my fans. But anyway, go ahead. That's your love in life.
Lindsay Oakes:I am. And what do I tell you every time I go on a vacation? You can't come. You got that limited vacay.
Cleveland Oakes:But the thing is, what I was going to say is, in corporate, we don't hope or we don't just be optimistic. I think the future is good. We plan it right, so we don't make a long range resolution. It's not called an.
Lindsay Oakes:LR, I'm so glad I have you.
Cleveland Oakes:But it's called a long range plan. So if you are resolving oh, I'm so glad I have you too. So if you are resolving to do something, it has to have a plan, and that means, like one of the things that I really mean that, because I'm going to divert for a minute like because you kind of let me do my thing, and you're like you know what?
Lindsay Oakes:I got the stability over here, so you go ahead. Yeah, you do, you do, you, do you. And I'm like you know, and that's great because I think, right in a relationship, people are like either the person that's holding the kite string in the spool from down below and the person that's flying up in the air, and I'm like, whoa, I'm just going to do what I want, I'm going to figure it out, and you're like all right, I'm going to hold here, I'm going to control where she goes.
Cleveland Oakes:And that's something that I wrote down when I was talking about resolutions before. Sometimes, what happens is that you don't have a good support system. I think we're a great support system. So, yes, all to do something.
Lindsay Oakes:I would agree with that something you resolve to and I support you and you support me, and now I do stand by that. I think that we have a very strong relationship and for that I'm very grateful. And you know, and it's not to say it's without conflict and without struggle and without suffering, but I do think that over the great tomorrow's tomorrow is the anniversary of our first date, eight years later, and that won't be away until the new year.
Cleveland Oakes:And I do have to say where did we go to that first date?
Lindsay Oakes:It was the Rockwood musical, where the guy tripped and was drunk and spilled a whole glass of wine into my purse and I picked it up and wine was pouring out of my bag. Remember that.
Lindsay Oakes:And then we went to dinner and you know we don't have to tell the rest of the story, but anyway, no, but I think I lost my train of thought. But I do think that, like you and I support each other in a way right, and I think that you know, for as long as you've known me, I've been this way right, when I've never worked I think since you met me I've never worked for anybody else but myself. I've always been an independent contractor and I will hustle and I will always take the job to make the paycheck, but I've always been, like, not willing to sacrifice that to be somewhere full time. And I think you even said to me this past week, right, I had a very, very scary incident network when the police were involved and I was escorted the car and you said to me I really wish you would take a teaching job in a classroom. And I just didn't respond to it.
Cleveland Oakes:Yeah, you didn't respond.
Lindsay Oakes:I didn't respond because I, you know, and that's the thing Like. I feel like those things happen far and few between right or few and far between whatever the word is. The wording is on that, but I think that you and I, we support each other right, and so it makes it easier to resolve for change, right, because I said to you, if you want to leave your job tomorrow, we can make it work. Right, right, although you won't.
Cleveland Oakes:No, no, I'm willing if they listen to this. I don't need them to be like this boy can't really listen my boss every day in the last couple of weeks. Are you happy? Are you good? You're good, you're not leaving. Right, and I'm like dude the day I leave. You'll know, don't worry about it, I am not. If anybody from work listens to the show, I am not in the process of leaving. I am happy. I am happy we have really gotten off topic.
Cleveland Oakes:No, no, we're still on. No, we are still very much on topic, because what we were just talking about was support systems. You were saying that what keeps us resolved, what keeps us on track, is a support.
Lindsay Oakes:Yeah, and I mean you're amazing because you have agreed to eat this very healthy diet with me and you're loving it, although I'm not sure you'll admit that, no, I am.
Cleveland Oakes:I am what you made today was good.
Lindsay Oakes:I mean, you look skinnier than you've looked in eight years. I don't even know what's going on with you, because I wish I could lose weight at the rate that you do.
Cleveland Oakes:I'm still over 200 pounds. I just work hard. But one of the things that has led to my success right and I know we said this before I started the show is whenever somebody says to me Cleveland, you look good, you look handsome like, you look happy.
Lindsay Oakes:Oh, you love it because you're a vain bastard.
Cleveland Oakes:But I give all credit to the person that helped me. So when I first met you eight years ago, I was resolved to change my life right.
Lindsay Oakes:But you weren't vegan. You weren't, you know. So in what way did you resolve to change your life?
Cleveland Oakes:But you helped me change right, and so sometimes to achieve a goal you need a good support system. In our case, we have each other right. You have helped me.
Lindsay Oakes:Yeah, and I think that that's so important that you say that, because it's like if you want to change, or I want to change, right, the other person goes along with it. Now, I would never go back to eating meat, just so you know. Yeah, because I haven't eaten it in so long. But if you said to me I want to eat chicken, I'd be like, no, but you can. Yeah, right, we are talking about each other and we love each other, and I think that that's the key, right, is that that person kind of helps support your goals.
Cleveland Oakes:Right. And so what about, as we wind up here, as we approach the 40 minute mark? What about somebody? What would you tell somebody who doesn't have somebody, or single person? Right? We talked to mom today, my mom today and one of the things she lamented, as an 80 year old woman, was like oh, I'm all alone and nobody's here to help me and I got to do what I got to do and nobody's here. So what would you tell somebody?
Lindsay Oakes:That's like a non-situation, because your mom, you know, isn't really willing to look outside for help and she needs to outside for help, right. But it's like, take a deep dive into yourself and what do you want? And like, what are your goals for yourself? Right, because the best way to achieve your goals is to go internally instead of looking for outside support. Yes, it's great to have a support system who says, yes, I stand by you, I'll help you with this, I support you, even if they don't do it. But the real work happens when you do a deep dive into yourself, right? What's going on inside of me? What's holding me back? How do I do this?
Cleveland Oakes:Oftentimes when I sit with clients and they have like a backwards, because each week we have to write a soap note and in that, and in my particular soap note, I what are they progressing, are they maintaining, have they regressed or whatever? And a lot of times with clients, especially those who don't have a big support system, is because they're not monitoring themselves, they're not holding themselves.
Lindsay Oakes:Well, or they're not open in relationships and being able to talk about what they want and what their goals are, and that's a problem A lot of people, I think.
Lindsay Oakes:If they see a goal and they think to themselves, oh, this is like absurd, no one's going to listen to this.
Lindsay Oakes:Or if people are going to think I'm crazy or weird, they don't say it out loud, right, right. And so it's like being able to look within yourself and see what you want and then be able to speak freely about who you authentically are. And we'll come back to that a lot on this show, because I really do think that a big part of the devil you don't know is being able to figure out how to live in an authentic way. Right, and you know, for me, like, authentically, for me, I am never working, ever, in a job where someone gives me a salary and gives me benefits, right, like, and you always say I wish you would, I wish you would, but that's that part of you that feels that that stability is equal to authenticity, and for me it's not, because it's like I just said. Right, we just sent the kid back to college today and I have to tear it up a little bit because he's such a good kid.
Cleveland Oakes:He teared up a little bit too, because he didn't want to go back.
Lindsay Oakes:Yeah, we were saying we make it a little too easy to live here, but I think that you know I just said to him today oh, if you want to go to Florida during your spring break and see your grandparents, you just let me know and I'll meet you there, Right, Like.
Cleveland Oakes:Yeah.
Lindsay Oakes:Well, you know that's why I work for myself. But no, it's true, it's right. You have to look within yourself and find out right before we go Like, what is authentic to me, what do I want? Right, because every single thing is achievable. It just might not be a straight and direct path to get there.
Cleveland Oakes:Yeah, as we, as we start to wrap, I think the the important thing about resolutions is it's okay to resolve, it's okay to make that resolution, yeah, and it's also okay to fuck up and go back to where you were and say you know what?
Lindsay Oakes:Okay, I'm going to try again tomorrow. Because what I think happens with people is they get to tomorrow and they're like forget it, I already fucked up. I'll try next year on January 1st Right. And it's like January. What is it now? January? What? 14, 15, I don't know, but it's yeah Right you know what I'm saying, like it's like oh, I'll just wait. I'll wait till February 1st. Oh no, I screwed up on February 2nd. All right, I'll try again. March 1st, right, and it becomes an excuse.
Cleveland Oakes:Right.
Lindsay Oakes:Instead of a resolution, we become an excuse not to resolve. Yeah.
Cleveland Oakes:And I think, as we wrap, I think a good place to end on is to just really talk about like things. Just to recap what we talked about, which is, you know, you have to have realistic goals, you have to plan, you have to have motivation, you need support, you definitely need support.
Lindsay Oakes:Yeah, One motivation is a big one Right Like, yes, support, but you're not always going to get external supports right and we've talked about this before right.
Lindsay Oakes:Our family, my family, not exactly super supportive of what our goals are right and you laugh about it, but it's just like whatever, right. But the thing is is that if you sit and you listen to everybody else and you do what they want, number one, you're not living authentically. And number two, you probably never achieve the success that you want to achieve, right. So it's like make a vow to resolve, right. Resolve in a way that if I slip up, it's okay, right. So self forgiveness and like I'm going to be authentically who I want to be. Right, like my soul and my inner child are going to connect in a way that like, hey, you can be this person, so let's get there. Yeah.
Cleveland Oakes:So it sounds like you're saying for those listening audience lens and if I say anything wrong, let me know it sounds like it's important to set realistic goals, well plan goals, seek support, be adaptable when you need to be adaptable and, of course, if you're somebody who doesn't have a big support system, track your progress. I always like to get the last.
Lindsay Oakes:Yeah, and you know what, don't judge yourself. You know what. Sometimes we have a shitty day and we slip up and you want to eat the vegan chicken nuggets. That is okay. So on that note, this is another episode of the devil. You don't know.