The Quiet Revolution: Embracing Silence in a Noisy World

Ever feel bombarded by the relentless noise of the world, even when you're craving just a whisper of peace? Strap in and get personal with us as we unravel the underestimated power of silence amidst our daily chaos. We discuss the tangible impact of constant clamor on our mental health and why finding those serene moments isn't a luxury but a necessity.

Resources

Embracing quiet and relaxation can be significantly enhanced with the help of various resources, including books, articles, apps, and websites. These resources often provide practical tools, guided meditations, relaxation playlists, and instructional videos on mindfulness practices. Here’s a curated list to get you started:

Books

1. "Silence: In the Age of Noise" by Erling Kagge - This book explores the author's personal experiences and the profound impact of silence.
2. "The Miracle of Mindfulness" by Thich Nhat Hanh - An introduction to mindfulness and meditation by a renowned Vietnamese Zen master.
3. "Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking" by Susan Cain - This book delves into the importance of quiet and solitude, especially for introverts.

Articles

• "The Joy of Quiet" by Pico Iyer (The New York Times) - An article discussing the importance of finding quiet in a noisy world.
• "The Benefits of Silence: Why We Need Less Noise" (Healthline) - Provides a detailed look at the health benefits associated with silence and practical tips for integrating more quiet time into daily life.

Apps

1. Headspace - Offers guided meditation sessions for various aspects of life, including stress reduction and better sleep.
2. Calm - Known for its guided meditations, sleep stories, and relaxation music.
3. Insight Timer - Features a large library of free meditations and talks from mindfulness experts worldwide.

Websites

• Mindful.org - An extensive resource for mindfulness and meditation with free practices and guided sessions.
• The Quiet Place Project - Provides various interactive pages designed to help users take a moment to relax and enjoy peace away from social media and other digital distractions.

Guided Meditation Sessions

• Tara Brach’s Podcast - Offers free meditation and mindfulness practices led by the psychologist and meditation teacher Tara Brach.
• UCLA Mindful Awareness Research Center - Free guided meditations in English and Spanish, focusing on relaxation and mindfulness.

Playlists for Relaxation

• Spotify’s "Peaceful Piano" - A playlist featuring soft piano music that is perfect for relaxation and contemplation.
• Apple Music’s "Pure Calm" - A curated selection of tracks designed to soothe the mind and ease stress.

Instructional Videos on Mindfulness Practices

• The Mindful Movement’s YouTube Channel - Offers numerous guided meditations and instructional videos on various mindfulness exercises.
• Yoga With Adriene (YouTube) - Features yoga sessions for all levels, including mindfulness and relaxation practices.

These resources cater to different preferences and needs, whether you're looking for a deep dive into the theory behind silence and relaxation or practical tools to help manage daily stress. They can be a great starting point for anyone looking to enhance their ability to find peace in the modern noisy world.

Please email us at Gettoknowthedevil@gmail.com

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:02

This is Cleveland.

Speaker 2: 0:03

And this is Lindsay.

Speaker 1: 0:04

And this is another episode of the Devil. You Don't Know, lindsay, what are we going to be talking about today? Being quiet, oh, you know, that's something that I struggle with. I think everyone is like you know. You remember the TV show Sister Sister? Ever seen that show Shockingly? Yes, go ahead, explain that. Explain that shockingly for a second.

Speaker 2: 0:27

I hate TV. I just don't like to watch TV. I shouldn't say I hate it. I don't really like to watch TV. I don't really like to watch a lot of movies. I'd rather read a book or pretty much do nothing.

Speaker 1: 0:35

Yeah, when we when we went out with our friends the other night for the you guys in the audience we started talking about pop culture and movies like Pretty in Pink and 16 Candles, the Goonies, the Breakfast Club and Lindsay.

Speaker 2: 0:47

I've seen the Goonies. I saw it in the theater.

Speaker 1: 0:50

That was one of the rare ones. But Lindsay like did not get any of those references Like Back to the Future, like Drawing Blanks, and so I'm starting to think my wife is a Russian spy.

Speaker 2: 1:01

I just don't watch TV. I've never watched TV, for I just don't watch tv.

Speaker 1: 1:08

I've never watched tv for my entire life. I've had great sleep hygiene. I love to go to bed at night. That is true.

Speaker 1: 1:10

That is true bedtime for us this is kind of late, but we're recording late on a monday night and yeah, it's unusual for us it's so yeah but and let's talk a little bit more before we move into the topic I want to go back to that, because I to the sister sister reference, because I'm like roger and I feel like the thank God you get this pop culture reference that go home, roger is is usually how I feel when I start ranting on things and I am and I am talking way too much.

Speaker 2: 1:37

Well, the only two things that I watch consistently right now are Survivor and the Amazing Race, and I sort of tune in and I read something and go back to watching and I keep on top of it. And you said to me last week oh, it's tribal council, my favorite part, move your feet, let me sit down. And then you promptly sat down and just started yapping and yapping and I was like, if you're going to sit down and watch, be quiet.

Speaker 1: 2:04

Yeah, just be quiet. And so that's what this episode is about the quiet revolution embracing silence in a noisy world.

Speaker 2: 2:13

Right, and the reason I wanted to talk about this was because not not because of what happened last week with Survivor, because that was funny and you did stop but was because I went for a manicure and pedicure on Friday and I work a lot and I love to go once a month and get the whole treatment and the extra foot massage and I like to relax. And I sat down in the pedicure chair and the woman next to me was relaxing. And then the woman next to me was relaxing, and then the woman next to her was on a phone call the entire time. And not only that. She whipped out a snack buffet from her purse of about seven different mini Ziplocs filled with every snack you can imagine. And because she's on the phone, she's rustling around and she's chomping, with her mouth open and then talking loudly.

Speaker 2: 3:07

And the woman next to me I heard her let out a sigh and just lay back and close her eyes. But I was so agitated and then I moved from there under the dryer and there was a woman waiting for her appointment with YouTube videos playing at full volume in the salon and I was so agitated. I was just agitated the whole day after that and I thought why does everybody need to bring a phone everywhere? I mean, my phone was with me, but it was in my bag, and why would you ever think it's okay to play videos loudly or to be eating and like talking on the phone for an hour while you're getting a pedicure? I think it's just like a lack of awareness.

Speaker 1: 3:53

Yeah, welcome to Zoo York is what I'd like to say.

Speaker 2: 3:56

Also, why can't you just go there and relax? Why is it so hard for people to be quiet and to let other people around them just enjoy the quiet?

Speaker 1: 4:06

Yeah, that sounds like this is definitely your devil of the week.

Speaker 2: 4:09

Oh, I was. Remember what a bad I was, even in a bad mood still when we went to dinner that night I was. I was just so agitated from it. It took me a while to recover. Saturday morning I woke up and I was back to normal.

Speaker 1: 4:20

Yeah, it's amazing, right. Because it's incredible? Right Because New York City is the kind of place and I'm sure this is most metropolitan cities that you want to, at the end of the day, just experience some quiet or go someplace quiet, and sometimes you can't get it. You get on the subway, even though you shouldn't expect quiet on the subway, but people come in. Have you, linz, you ever been on one of those subway cars where people get in and they're blasting their music on the subway, like it's like?

Speaker 2: 4:51

so I don't take the subway because I'm scared of it, but people do that walking down the street. Yes, People do that in the doctor's office waiting room. I was talking about this with a friend the other day and I've been in the doctor's office waiting room. And even if you're texting somebody, why do you have to have the dinging on?

Speaker 1: 5:13

Right.

Speaker 2: 5:13

It's just rude.

Speaker 1: 5:14

So rude.

Speaker 2: 5:15

It's so rude. I don't need to know that you're WhatsAppping somebody for 30 minutes while you wait to go in for your appointment.

Speaker 1: 5:22

Yeah, in fact, one of the reasons why you can't get in touch with me at work is I feel so self-conscious when I hear my phone going off, even though I do need my work phone especially. My boss was calling me the other day and I had my ringer on silent and he's like yo, where you been at, bro? Where you been at all morning? You in the gym drinking protein drinks, swallowing eggs and yeah, I was in the gym but I should have definitely weren't drinking protein drinks or swallowing eggs because that's not allowed on your plan.

Speaker 1: 5:50

No, it's not allowed on my plan, but I've become become accustomed because I do not like the noise and I like to concentrate. Um, I just put all my notifications on silent and I barely mess with my phone, other than, uh, the times than the times that I have to. It makes me think of the time that we went to. We were coming back, I think, from the British, from the British Virgin Islands. Remember we were in the airport and the lady in the airport was like loudly FaceTiming people in the in the waiting room.

Speaker 2: 6:18

I can't remember where we were going, but yes, for a long time.

Speaker 1: 6:23

We got up and moved.

Speaker 2: 6:24

Who does that?

Speaker 1: 6:25

Who does that?

Speaker 2: 6:26

I don't even answer the phone most of the time. Well, mine's always on silent, so I usually don't even know it rings.

Speaker 1: 6:31

You don't even know where yours is ever, so never know where it's at because I don't really care to know, right, but that's really what this topic is about, because I think we've all been in places where we've tried to be relaxed and we've tried to be quiet and the people around us just aren't right. I think there's a famous story. I believe New Jersey famously has the subway system, not the subway, the railway system there has quiet cars. I think the LIRR has quiet cars and Chris Christie, when he was governor of New Jersey I'm pretty sure there was a story, because he's a loud, boisterous guy was asked to leave the quiet car. But the quiet car is there for a reason. And, lindsay, what do you think the quiet car is there for?

Speaker 2: 7:09

People that want to be quiet and don't want to listen to other people playing music, talking on their phones, having conversations, maybe listening to YouTube videos out loud, because that was the one that set me over the top. It's crazy Because I kept glaring at her and like just didn't even she'd look up at me and then look back at her video. It was so bad that the woman who had done my pedicure and was rubbing my back you know afterwards was whispering in my ear apologies, but nobody that worked there said anything to this woman.

Speaker 1: 7:42

Yeah, and they probably should put a sign up that says quiet please, right? You know, in my workplace a couple of years ago and it probably was in response to me they made a sign that said other people are working here, please keep your voice down. And I've been mindful. But, lindsay, it sounds like these people that are doing these things in public places lack mindfulness. What do you think about that?

Speaker 2: 8:03

I think they lack awareness. I don't think that they realize how it impacts other people around them. Also, you know, that's why I wanted to talk a little bit about being quiet and being able to relax today, because I think people don't know how to do it because it's so uncomfortable for them.

Speaker 1: 8:19

For true, Before we jump into that it's. This is something we haven't done for a little bit, so I wanted to do it real quick.

Speaker 2: 8:31

What was something that you ate this week that really blew your wig back? What I don't wear a wig but what did I eat this week?

Speaker 1: 8:35

that's a quote from my friend patty well we went for thai food.

Speaker 2: 8:38

I really like that little thai place, that little hole in the wall spot that we go to, and I love the raw rolls. They have a little chive pancake there. We did go out saturday night for dinner too, and my dinner was okay, but the? Um I did like the celery root vegan wings, yeah and I like that oie of vegan salmon.

Speaker 1: 9:04

The only problem that I had with it is they put it in a bed of sprouts and like mango sauce.

Speaker 2: 9:09

It was a papaya salad.

Speaker 1: 9:10

Oh, papaya salad, I don't know. That goes to show, like right now, that the shit was haywire. I shouldn't curse, but it was haywire, you don't like healthy things.

Speaker 2: 9:19

That's why it wasn't your cup of tea.

Speaker 1: 9:20

It just didn't match. It just didn't match, it just didn't match. I wouldn't eat, even when I wasn't vegan. I would not eat salmon in a bed of mango sauce and papaya. I just wouldn't. It just is fundamentally wrong. It should be in rice or something you know. It's just.

Speaker 2: 9:35

What are you going to say tomorrow when I send you one of my gluten-free lemon blueberry muffins with no refined sugar in them?

Speaker 1: 9:41

Everything you make is amazing, so that I'm not worried about. So, yeah, that was something. That was something that I ate this week that I like.

Speaker 2: 9:50

Do you have a devil of the week? We know mine. My devil of the week is just oh, oh.

Speaker 1: 9:55

Devil of the week was the two thousand eight hundred pounds of dirt that I had to lift as my Mother's Day gift to you for your raised beds. But you know what? I still, I'm an ass clown at 50. I did that so. So, guys, I'm going to tell you the story, because I told the story a couple of times at work and I actually didn't get people. Nobody felt sorry for me because everybody I talked to was like yeah, isn't that great. That's how you build a garden, bro, that's how you get a strong back. Um, but for mother's day we were supposed to go to wine country and lindsey uh, at the last minute did the, not at the last minute, but she did the okie doke on me was like you know what?

Speaker 1: 10:31

what I really want for a gift is this there's these raised beds and this is didn't say I wanted it for a gift, but I was putting those things together all week this is how I heard it in my brain, so so I this is one the things if you guys don't notice, Cleveland hears things the way that he wants to hear them, and so what I heard in my brain was what I want for a gift is I want to take these seven raised beds that we put together and I want you to get 2,800 pounds of dirt from Lowe's. Load up your Bronco with one guy, offload those 2,800 pounds of dirt into the yard and then move them into my raised beds.

Speaker 2: 11:10

And while you're at it, please empty the compost bin so that I can mix it in with the dirt, so it's nice and nutrient dense.

Speaker 1: 11:17

Five, six hours later, we were both feeling our age. But you know what? It was one of those things that, even though in the moment I did not want to do it, it was worth seeing the smile on your face because that is something that you've wanted to do for many, many years. And I've been reluctant to do it because I did not. I knew all it entailed and I knew it was going to just be me by myself. But I'm glad that I did it, and so happy Mother's Day to you, Liz.

Speaker 2: 11:43

Thank you, and we have 50 vegetable plants in our backyard 50.

Speaker 1: 11:47

50. Raccoons and raccoons going to be loving it. Raccoons and the local deer and fauna and foxes are all going to love it. But let's just jump into this and our first segment is the science of silence, and this is something that you've tried to talk to me about many times. Relaxation and silence have profound psychological and physiological benefits and this has been substantiated by science and insights from experts of cross neuropsychology and neuro. I said neuropsychology, that's the thing right Psychology, neuropsychology, neuroscience. And, lindsay, I want you to, and this is something that you've really tried to help me with and it's something that I've struggled with.

Speaker 2: 12:27

So I want to first start off talking about the psychological benefits of silence and why it's that's important stress reduction, oh yeah, enhanced creativity and improved mental health, right, in regards to stress reduction, it's the way to kind of to calm the nervous system when you're not doing anything. I mean, I think that. I do think, though, you know, on the flip side of it, a lot of people become more stressed when they are silent. Something to think about as well. But for someone like myself and I think, you now as well, people who are on this path and working on themselves, silence gives you an insight into the things that you want to work on, things that are, you know, things that you're thinking about. What's coming into my head? What do I need to do about it? Why is that coming into my head? Why do I feel a certain way? But it gives you a chance to relax the nervous system, calm the nervous system and just be in a generally a more relaxed mood.

Speaker 1: 13:31

Yeah, I know one of the things that you want to do and I hope to do it, because you think it's going to be impossible for me is to go on a silent retreat.

Speaker 2: 13:39

I have one for myself and tell us about that.

Speaker 1: 13:42

So well, I don't know much about it yet because it's in August but it's six days of silence and you're going to do it here in the house. I'm going to do it in the house. Oh, I'm going to try to frustrate the hell out of you those couple of days.

Speaker 2: 13:53

So so so I'm going to just, it's just going to lock myself in the room.

Speaker 1: 13:57

So it's going to be cleave rules. I'm going to just drop plates everywhere and put crumbs. No, I want to support you. I actually want to do it too, but I want to do the experience where you go away. So maybe you do the six days here and then we'll go away. But why is that? You know why? Why is that so important to that? That six days of silence? Why? Why do you think?

Speaker 2: 14:18

Well, I have to do it as a prerequisite for my meditation training, for my meditation training. Sorry, the cat is trying to eat the wire here, so, but it's because it does give you a chance to kind of reflect and to go on a journey of self exploration.

Speaker 1: 14:46

Psychological studies have shown that periods of silence will improve symptoms of anxiety and depression. Silence also provides an opportunity for the brain to reflect, process and act on information and it actually enhances overall mental well-being. When I sit down with clients and I talk about silence and talk about meditation which is something that you've often tried to get me to do I often compare it to like a computer that defragments at night. And do you know what like defragmentation? I don't know if computers still do it. It's like where the various pieces think of your brain as a hard drive and as Older computers, and I don't know if current computers still You're being very chatty tonight I am.

Speaker 2: 15:20

It's close to bedtime.

Speaker 1: 15:21

But wait, wait, wait. We're almost. I'm going to go through it Now. I'm getting ready to be silent. Listen, let me finish. My example, because you disturbed me for a second, is as the hard drive moves around, the different parts of the hard drive move in different physical locations, and so when you defragment a hard drive, you're actually putting those things back together. It's the hard drive coming back and reorganizing itself at night, and oftentimes I think about silence and meditation as the mind putting itself back together. If you ever talk to someone who's just like and they're just shooting off, it's like. It's like, it's just like rapid fire.

Speaker 2: 16:00

People talk like that so that they can hear themselves. I think yeah, Because silence can be painful for people.

Speaker 1: 16:07

Right, right, right, and so quickly. Since I don't want to take up, this is going to be a shorter one. I don't want to take up too much of the night so that I can be silent. There are physiological benefits to it too. I'm somebody who suffers with high blood pressure and I'm really trying all types of ways to work on it, but silence and meditation improve cardiovascular health. Uh, it's good for muscle relaxation and it's good for improved sleep. Um, also, it enhances brain regeneration and enhanced neuroplasticity, which is your brain's ability to to think on its feet. Also, there's like studies on noise reduction, but we'll jump off that and I want to talk about the historical perspective of silence, on silence and why it's and how that's been through the histories. Like Lindsay, you've been somebody who studied, like Buddhism and Hinduism and all of those things. So why is meditation, which is an Eastern practice, important?

Speaker 2: 17:08

Because it's a way for you to connect to yourself and to become more aware of what's going on within yourself, but also around you.

Speaker 1: 17:14

Yeah yeah, yeah. And even in Christianity there's monasticism, and here's an interesting one that I have never heard of before, which is the Desert Fathers of Egypt. Never heard, Never heard of that before. But early Christian hermits and aesthetics and monks in the Egyptian desert viewed solitude and silence as essentially for battling vices and drawing closer to God. And drawing closer to God. One of the questions that you asked me and that we're going to talk about in this episode and I really want to get onto that, even as we think about the history of it is why do you think people can't be silent?

Speaker 2: 17:48

Well, I was saying earlier, and I think it's because it's painful, when you are silent, you are alone with your thoughts. That's why I think people talk, just so they can hear themselves.

Speaker 1: 18:03

Yeah, yeah, and, and one of the things that Benjamin Franklin famously said is the only reason two people talk is because the other person is waiting for his turn to speak, and right.

Speaker 2: 18:14

No, I agree with you. I mean, I'm not a big talker to begin with, so you know we differ in that way, Cause you're definitely much more social and outgoing than I am. But I like to do the inner reflection.

Speaker 1: 18:27

And so when we think about those young ladies who were in your nail salon, what do you? What do you think? Is it about them particularly that they struggled because you think you come to a place like that and you would think the common sense would be like everyone here is is here to relax. So what, what do you think about that?

Speaker 2: 18:47

I think people are, just it's either that they're unaware or they just don't care. Yeah right, it's one or the other. I was once getting a foot massage and one of the people that worked there was taking a phone call in the quiet, dark room. I had to stop the masseuse and ask him to please ask the employee to leave the room, because why am I paying for a service to be aggravated?

Speaker 1: 19:08

That's right, that is right. That is. That is a hundred percent right. It makes me think of our, you know, when you and I we just came back from Barbados and we just did that great episode on on vacation and relaxation and recharging, and one of the things that you said which about me and I went back and listened to that episode recently was that that was the quietest you've ever seen me.

Speaker 2: 19:30

That was the first time since I've known you that you've actually relaxed. Usually you have to get up and go somewhere and walk somewhere and do something and go swimming and go here and run to a store, and you didn't bring the work phone, the work computer, and you did not. You didn't talk that much either. It was actually a lovely vacation for you.

Speaker 1: 19:53

And what was amazing about it is that remember before. Remember before we left and before it went away how I told you I was getting bursitis in my hip and I felt like it was all out of whack. And I would say, by the end of that it was great, Like I felt no aches and pains, and I would attribute it to being silent and being mindful and not talking about the things that I usually like to talk about, which is Well, we've talked about it before, that most physical pain is, you know, psychological.

Speaker 1: 20:28

Yeah, I want to jump down to practical ways of incorporating silence into our daily lives. One of the things that I wrote down here is and I've shared with clients. One of the things that I wrote down here is and I've shared with clients is establishing daily quiet time, which is setting aside a specific time of day for quiet reflection and meditation. Do you have any suggestions or any ways that you can?

Speaker 2: 20:54

help folks with that Setting aside.

Speaker 1: 20:55

I saw you, the cat keeps climbing on me, so I had to get her to go away. I'm sorry, no no. I'm sorry, just say it again. We were establishing daily quiet.

Speaker 2: 21:02

It's okay this is what happens in the house.

Speaker 1: 21:05

It's not a kid, it's an animal it's a live show, people, it's a live show for establishing a daily practice yes yeah, I think it depends what works for you

Speaker 2: 21:13

I always say, even if it's just five minutes starting out, um, I happen to meditate every day in the morning for a really good chunk of time and sometimes in the evening also. I also do a lot of breath work. But I always tell my clients to you know, start out in the morning with five minutes before you even get out of bed, where you just don't pick up the phone, you know, get, don't get up, just breathe in, breathe out, do a body scan, see what's going on with you, try to kind of deactivate the nervous system so that you go into the day feeling a little bit more calm and relaxed. And meditation can really be done anywhere. But you can have a nice dedicated space for it If you have the room. I happen to have a nice dedicated space for it if you have the room.

Speaker 2: 21:59

I happen to have a dedicated space for meditation with an altar and all of my things and I typically just set up a cushion and I go. And one of the keys to knowing that you need these practices is starting to connect the mind and the body. When you get agitated is starting to notice the physical sensations and symptoms in your body. When you get agitated is starting to notice the physical sensations and symptoms in your body. And when you recognize those things then you start to be more aware of how things feel and when you get activated. And so having a nice silent practice like that and even if silence doesn't work for you, a guided meditation, where you're silent and someone's kind of guiding you through a visualization, but it it lowers the I always say it kind of reduces the anxiety and it just keeps the nervous system a bit more relaxed when you do that.

Speaker 1: 22:48

Tell us about. This is something that you've tried to teach me and I've actually sat down with with one or two clients, so I'm not I'm not the most familiar with it, so I really don't like doing that much, but what are some mindfulness exercises that folks at home can try?

Speaker 2: 23:05

I say a body scan. Just sitting or laying down? It can be either, but just becoming aware of your body, where your body. If you're laying on the floor, you know where is your body touching the floor. If you're sitting in a chair, what's touching the chair, what's touching the floor, you know where is your body touching the floor. If you're sitting in a chair, what's touching the chair, what's touching the floor? Just breathing in and out through your nose, dropping the shoulders, maybe opening the mouth, unclenching the jaw. If your brow is furrowed, just relax the face but become aware of where you hold tension in the body and then just start to breathe into it. But I always say don't change your breath at all in the beginning. Once you do specific practices, you can learn to control the breath and hold the breath. But in the beginning just breathe, let your breath flow in and out naturally and don't force it. And then you know naturally you're going to start to feel when you relax, what parts of you aren't relaxed.

Speaker 1: 23:58

If I don't know anything about breathing, where can I start?

Speaker 2: 24:02

Like I just said, just breathing in and out, is it?

Speaker 1: 24:04

something that I might need? 20 minutes, you know I've seen movies and it's like you know they're guys meditating for hours. Is it something that I have to do for hours? Five minutes, even Five minutes.

Speaker 2: 24:15

It's fine you start somewhere, but usually what happens is that when you like the way you feel from it, then you can do more. I like to breathe, so I could do breath work for an hour, I love it.

Speaker 1: 24:27

One of the things that I like, especially when we're hiking, is what's called mindful walking, which is you're walking but you focus solely on the experience of walking and you're observing the sensations, and it's kind of it's kind of like body scan right, exactly what it is Listening to what's going on around you, just noticing what's going on around you, seeing things, and then you know, just taking it all in but without talking.

Speaker 2: 24:53

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 24:53

For my clients that suffer with depression, anxiety especially, and it's hard in a city like New York and it's hard, but you can find listen, that's even I was going to say. You can put on a pair of noise canceling headphones and walk outside. But yeah, you got to kind of be mindful of your environment. But it is important to-.

Speaker 2: 25:11

Yeah, that makes me nervous in the city too.

Speaker 1: 25:12

Yeah, but it is important to go out and feel your body and sense your body and and be quiet and and and do those body scans.

Speaker 2: 25:21

And just take in what's going on around you. What do you see, smell, hear, right, what do you feel? Because those are important ways to recognize what's going on in yourself. How do things impact me? For me, right, I could have looked at that the other day and said I'm agitated, because I really wanted to relax and I feel like never get to relax and these women ruined it, and so, in a way, right, I needed to be able to find peace in that moment, but I was just so aggravated at that point that the whole experience, just it wasn't a great one for me.

Speaker 1: 25:54

Yeah, for me, when I go to the, to the spa, the gentleman's barber spa, that is important to get that towel on my face and even though there's chatter and talk, it's a very quiet, very mild, very respectful. And there's times that I'm getting my beard done and I'm I've just knocked out in the chair and the next thing I know like time to go. But those are those important to me. One of the things that I've been doing regular, that I do every morning and I did not realize it was a thing until I researched this paper is a noise detox, right, and that is where you ever notice, in the morning, as soon as I get in the car, I'm like no, no, noise, nothing. I don't want to hear anything.

Speaker 1: 26:31

Um, a noise, a digital detox is a time of day, and that, for me, is the morning times where I don't want to be connected to any thing. I don't want to except for you, which is how many times have I gotten up in the morning and I'm like, okay, I'm going to just lay here, I don't want to talk, I don't want to hear anything. And so tell us about what do you think a noise detox is? This is more your field than it is mine.

Speaker 2: 26:53

I think it's just exactly what you said. Right Is giving yourself breaks from noise that's cluttering your environment.

Speaker 1: 27:02

Yeah, so that includes disconnecting from all digital devices your phones. That means like turning off the ringers and for me it reduces the stress, the stress and just the constant. Because if you think about it, like, especially in these modern world, the modern world that we live in, you know, if you have an Apple watch and you have a computer and you have emails like sometimes I'm in the office and all you hear is like, and it's like and it's noise, that's everybody's devices going off at once, emails dinging, devices going off at once, emails dinging. And I think after a while, especially if you're somebody and I've talked to clients who are addicted to these devices, that all those bells and whistles and interactive pieces are there to activate your mind.

Speaker 2: 27:51

Oh yeah, that would drive me crazy. My goal every week is that when the little percentage comes up on Apple, that tells you how many, you know how much time you use during the week. My goal is for every week to be less than the week before.

Speaker 1: 28:06

What do you think about? Yeah, that's good, and so what do you think about a quiet commute, which is something I always try to have?

Speaker 2: 28:10

Oh, I do a lot of quiet commuting. Yeah, I think it's. I think it's great. It's because it's your time alone before you get into the chaos and then, at the end of the day, it's the way for you to decompress before you get home. And it's actually, you know, even though your commute is not always ideal, it's nice, right To have that time before you come home here and start working again in the evening and dealing with chores and pets and watering my nice garden.

Speaker 1: 28:37

Yeah, but like we just drove home from Pennsylvania um last weekend and I think normally we listen to music and I think the ride home I was just like can we just keep it off?

Speaker 2: 28:47

And everybody in the car was quiet and I thought it was a pleasant ride home that way. Yeah, I think so. It's always pleasant. We're in the Amish country and it's also so nice to go there because they have that lovely deck where all you can hear is that beautiful waterfall out back.

Speaker 1: 29:00

Oh, gosh, oh, and that's all. Once again, listen, if you guys are in the Lancaster area, we're not going to tell you where we go.

Speaker 2: 29:08

Don't tell anyone where we stay, because it's already busy enough in that place.

Speaker 1: 29:11

We stay at this beautiful farmhouse. I won't even say the name of the farmhouse because we don't need you guys to go there. No, because it's very rarely available when we want it to have a glass of wine or some rum and just sit quietly and listen to the waterfall. How does that make you feel?

Speaker 2: 29:29

Oh, I love to sit out there and listen to it, and sometimes you can hear the horses clopping by with the buggies and the Amish folks. But it's so nice because it's on the main road also, so the waterfall drowns out the sound, but it is so nice. Out there there's birds, there's like a little walkway, a nice big yard. You can sit out there for hours.

Speaker 1: 29:51

Yeah, that noise detox piece is so important for me because I think about remember. When you first met me, what did I say? I said I'm never leaving where Brooklyn. And now, when I go back to my mom's house in Brooklyn, I'm like how can you stand it? You know we yeah, that's all she knows.

Speaker 1: 30:11

Yeah, but it's like for and I'm not getting on anybody who loves it, because we have friends that love the city. But as I've moved out I appreciate the silence. It's gotten to the point, lins, I think, here in this quiet little fishing village that we live at, I think somebody said I didn't know this was a raceway, I didn't know the Avenue had become a raceway. When you hear one car come up the street and it's like, ah, you've disturbed my peace.

Speaker 2: 30:36

Well, the neighbor disturbs your peace too. Oh, yeah, yeah, I mean we do. We live in a very quiet neighborhood. It's actually quite nice. This morning there were a lot of birds chirping, you know. And we do have a nice property in the back too, so you can sit out there and just see all the plants growing and enjoy. Sometimes we enjoy a fire out there. But I think you have a different appreciation for silence than you did when we met oh for sure.

Speaker 1: 30:57

And for those of you that live in urban areas and don't have access to this, if you do have, if you are listening to us on a device, then your device has white noise, your device has nature, but it has nature sounds, and that is something that is another trick that I've used, especially in the rare times that I ride the subway and some clown gets on who's blasting his music. I'll put on the rain sounds, I'll put on the nature sounds, and you got to be careful on the subway closing your eyes.

Speaker 1: 31:25

But I will sit and try to be in as much silence as possible.

Speaker 2: 31:30

And I think the hard part, too, is that you can't really tell people to turn off their devices because you don't know how people are going to react. And that's why I didn't say anything when I was in there, because I thought maybe my glare would be like hello, that's really loud and people are relaxing. But no, I don't think she cared. Yeah.

Speaker 1: 31:53

And that was one of the things that that you made me think of is that people who can't be quiet.

Speaker 2: 32:00

it's a lack of awareness and it's also painful, right?

Speaker 2: 32:04

So like let's segue into that just for a second, because when you are quiet, you have to confront all the things that come up for you right, and so if it's uncomfortable for you to look at things that have happened to you or patterns that you have in your life, or if you have low self-esteem or you think a certain way about yourself, right, then you start to get into this way of cyclical thinking. When, in reality, the silence can actually be really helpful, people avoid it. Yeah.

Speaker 1: 32:32

Is silence something that Gabor has talked about in your training?

Speaker 2: 32:36

Well, he talks a lot about self-care, well, and he also talks about how painful thinking can be Right, because we live in our head that's basically, you know what he said and so many of us are disconnected right from the mind and the body are not connected Right. So there's this disconnect and so we live in this very cerebral way where we take things personally and and what he does say is that when you are triggered or activated by somebody, instead of responding, you should actually go and sit silently and figure out why you're bothered by it, and I definitely think that's something that you and I both do. That's something that I started doing when I started doing this training, because I started looking at it from a different perspective, but I kind of have you doing that as well now, and when you don't, I ask you about it and remember what you said to me the other day you always want to make me think about the things I don't want to think about.

Speaker 1: 33:31

Oh yeah, that is true. That is true when you think about arguments, right. Many years ago I saw somebody. They said where there is no wood, the fire goes out. So how would that work? How could you use?

Speaker 2: 33:48

silence in conversation. Linz, well, if you don't respond that, maybe the other person will stop talking.

Speaker 1: 33:54

Yeah yeah, I think that's a good thing. I think part of it is strategically using silence, is I think you've told me this before is that not everything needs an answer?

Speaker 2: 34:08

No, and the other thing I say also I've talked about this before, I'm sure on the show but when people say things to me, I don't feel that I need to prove a point, so I just say okay. And when you just say okay, right, then then it's. It's a way to stop the conversation. I don't always have a point to prove, I don't need to be right. So if you want to say something or believe something, ok, fine, believe it. Like. I'm not going to argue or try to. You know, prove a point.

Speaker 1: 34:35

Yeah, one of the things that I've learned about communication, and especially about using silence and communication as a counselor, is silence oftentimes is a way to even let the person absorb what it is that you just said oftentimes is a way to even let the person absorb what it is that you just said.

Speaker 2: 34:53

Absolutely, you should have silence in counseling because you have to give your clients, moments to process things, yeah, and a lot of times.

Speaker 1: 34:56

If you're having difficulty with your partner or communicating, perhaps you are talking too much. Perhaps, Perhaps that's something I've learned. People used to call me Johnny two times, and you've probably seen it on the show because I probably am a little bit repetitive here. Um, but I found, say it clearly, say it once, and that is absorbed, much better than nattering on for five to 10 minutes. See, I'm learning, I'm learning.

Speaker 2: 35:36

I do think I also think you know, before we kind of segue to the next topic, is that being able to consistently check in with yourself throughout the day is also really important. And once you develop that connection between what's going on in your head and how you're feeling in your body, then you can take these breaks. That was my watch telling me it's my bedtime at 8.50. There you go, but taking breaks and just being able to check in with yourself and have some techniques right to go off and be silent for a couple of minutes, even if you have to go into a bathroom stall Right, but just to kind of regroup and calm the nervous system.

Speaker 1: 36:16

Yeah, now leads as we, as we wrap this topic up into one of our last segments, which is the challenges of quietude in the modern world. Achieving moments of silence and solitude, as we've spoken about several times during the course of this episode, can be challenging. Modern technology is invasive AF, as the kids like to say and social expectations. Right Now that we're more connected than ever before, you can't back in the old days. You could avoid a phone call. I think you had a friend text you the other day and you were busy and they were like are you okay?

Speaker 2: 36:55

Are you all right, because I hadn't responded to their first text.

Speaker 1: 36:58

Yes, and so you have these.

Speaker 2: 37:01

You don't have to respond.

Speaker 1: 37:02

It was a.

Speaker 2: 37:02

Sunday I was home. I was gardening. I didn't even bring my phone outside, because what am I going to do with it in the garden?

Speaker 2: 37:10

I left the phone in the house and we were outside for hours and hours and hours and then when we came in, I said I don't want to do anything, I just want to lay down and read my book, and that was what I did. But right she, well, are you okay? Yes, I'm fine. Like what would you have done in the days that there weren't phones? You would have called and left me a message on my answering machine and maybe you'd hear back from me like eight hours later or the next day. So I think that you know technology. People want a response all the time and they look for this immediate gratification or immediate response.

Speaker 1: 37:45

Yeah, it's kind of it's invasive, and so that is part of the challenge and I and I do like the fact that you're that that these devices, if you use it properly like as Lindsay said, you heard, the bedtime go off but that automatic, if you enable that feature, it automatically silences your notifications and pushes all of your messages, phone calls, off to just straight voice message and you'll just have to deal with that tomorrow. So, folks, if you're wondering why Lindsay's not answering you at 6.15 at night, it's because she puts the bedtime on.

Speaker 1: 38:19

I think that early before the sun goes down.

Speaker 2: 38:21

No, but my phone is usually put away by before the bedtime even goes off, because I plug it in and usually go and unwind myself, so yeah, and and, as we said, those are the challenges to to silence, especially in an urban in.

Speaker 1: 38:36

In is urban living, it's technology, it's social expectations and, as Lindsay, who is the queen of boundaries, likes to say, is that you need to set boundaries up, which is scheduling quiet times, seeking out natural quiet zones, doing those digital detoxes, using your technology wisely and, if you've got space in your house, even though you can't do it in a house full of kids and dogs, is just if you could soundproof a room or set up some dedicated quiet space.

Speaker 2: 39:06

Well, let me say something about that Because, remember, when I was going to that 6 am meditation class every morning, from 6 to 7, monday through Friday, online, no one ever bothered me because they knew I was in a meditation class. But here, if I ever tried to meditate without a teacher on the video, or if I come downstairs and have my coffee in the morning, because my morning routine is, I get up, I typically do a little meditation, I make a cup of coffee or oat milk latte, and then I sit down and I am quiet while I start the day. Somehow these kids wake up at like 6am and they and they start talking to me. Yeah, and they don't stop talking. And then I'm like, well, you know, I feel bad. I have to listen to them because they come, because they want you to hear what they have to say, but I'm like nobody reads the room. It's like too early for all that.

Speaker 1: 40:00

But that goes back to your point, and I think I did this the other day because I was beat and I think we were both beat. I don't want to just say it was just me, we were both beat. But I told you I was like, lynn, after I finish this, love you to death, and this is unusual for me. So you know, I got to be tired. I said I just need an hour of silence and it is important to communicate your needs, let friends and family know that you need time to be quiet, like so. So if you have a friend who's particularly chatty and I don't want to say bothersome, because different people have different communication- styles.

Speaker 2: 40:35

Yeah, I mean, that's as simple as that, right.

Speaker 1: 40:38

Yeah, yeah, but just make sure that, as as Lindsay likes to say, set a boundary for yourself.

Speaker 2: 40:42

I mean, most of my friends know that I meditate. So you know, they think I'm sure a lot of them think I'm a little bit odd, but that's OK and they, they know that that's what I do and that I'm, you know, try to check in with myself regularly. So if I were to say to them, oh, I was meditating, they wouldn't be surprised.

Speaker 1: 41:03

Yeah, and when there's times that I come in the room, like when you're trying to watch Survivor, which isn't really quiet time, but you say, hey, cleveland, I need you to be quiet for a couple of minutes, I don't get offended.

Speaker 2: 41:11

I'm like Because you invited yourself into the room and then you just immediately started yapping after you said oh my God, this is my favorite part. I want to watch this. And then I was like I got so excited, I want to watch it.

Speaker 1: 41:23

I got excited. The last thing that is here is is lead by example. And how can you lead by example within this? In, in being silent and using relaxation? How can you Lindsay?

Speaker 2: 41:37

I think people model, you know, they see, they do what they see modeled for them, right, does that make sense? Yes, yes, it came on exactly right. So when you, you know, when you don't need to talk all the time, and you, you know, meditate or breathe or practice mindfulness and do these things quietly, people pick up on that. Yeah.

Speaker 1: 41:59

One of the things that's helped me in my career and helped me become more silent and more present in the silence, and that's the amazing thing about silence being silent makes you more present, it gives you time to observe. But I have watched successful people. I've had people that I interact with and you will find that the most successful people are people who are quiet, who speak, or, as one of my colleagues likes to say, in the counseling world, uses the economy of words, which is you can use a lot of words and say nothing, or you can use a little bit of words and say a lot, and it's more important, as that person would say, is use the economy of words. Lead by example.

Speaker 1: 42:45

I got this one person in my life. He's an attorney and I swear to God, you ask this silence to effectively communicate and you can use silence to your health. Um, if that makes any sense, if you've listened to anything that we've said here, absolutely, so we're going to wrap it up here. Um, is there anything you want to add before I just give up some, uh, some closing words, do you want to close this out?

Speaker 2: 43:25

Uh, no, you can go ahead and do it, it's my bedtime.

Speaker 1: 43:28

Yeah, it's time to be quiet. So finding time for silence is not just about escaping noise, guys. It's about giving yourself the space, the time to think, reflect and rejuvenate. You do not need to go to Barbados, even though if you want to go to Barbados, to the sugar cane club and spa, that is a great place to go to.

Speaker 2: 43:49

But that's another point right that I wanted to make that you and I were actually talking about earlier why we have to pay to like leave and relax, isn't that?

Speaker 1: 43:58

crazy. It's crazy. It's crazy that you have to pay to leave and relax. But silence when you leave and relax, you know, or if you can do it in your, in your home silence can create enhanced creativity. It reduces stress and improves your cognitive function, especially in this unquiet world where there's so many things going on Right, where every day there's a protest, every day there's there's a terrible crime that happens in the news, and so silence gives you a time to disconnect from all of those things. Making time for our quiet and busy lives might require effort and planning, but beneath it, it brings a profoundly profound impact to your quality of life, and by creating strategies to overcome the challenges of modern living, we can access the numerous benefits that silence has to offer. That's all I have to say on the subject, lens, if you don't have anything to add. This is Cleveland.

Speaker 2: 45:06

And this is Lindsay.

Speaker 1: 45:08

And this has been another episode of the devil. You don't know if you, if you liked what you heard here today, please rate and review us on whatever platform you're listening to and subscribe to us on itunes, spotify or wherever podcasts are found. Until the next time.