Unapologetic Swingers

Unapologetic Swingers: Ep 31 - Hot Takes from a Hotwife

• Unapologetic Swingers • Season 1 • Episode 31

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Today Elle flies solo, interviewing the incredible CeCe. A hotwife with some very sexy and entertaining stories.

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Elle:

Welcome back to the Unapologetic Swingers. I'm Elle Tramp is sleeping in, and I'm sneaking in a bonus episode today. I have my good friend Cece in town. She lives in the Pacific Northwest and is staying with us on a layover to get back home, and I'm excited to have her here to tell us her story, how she got in the lifestyle and where her journey has taken her. We met Cece and her husband Ben a few years ago when they were here visiting the ranch, and we all hit it off right away and we've maintained that relationship and are looking. To take a few fun girls trips together soon. So welcome Cece. I am so glad that you're here with me this morning.

CiCi:

Me too. And it's so great to see you.

Elle:

Oh, yay. We've trying to do this and get together for I know, like a couple of years. That's true. This is

CiCi:

true. Yeah. And you have a beautiful home and so thank you so much for welcoming me. Thank you. Super fun. I'm happy

Elle:

to come out and see yours.

CiCi:

Yes, yes, definitely.

Elle:

So, what I'd love to do to start off, just to get us going,'cause I know we don't have any trouble talking is to just ask how you got in the lifestyle. How long ago it was, was it with you, was it with you and Ben? And kind of where your journey's taken you?

CiCi:

Okay. Well, it's kind of funny because I think about, what does it mean to be in the lifestyle? Does it really just mean not having a vanilla sex life? Mm-hmm. And if I think about it that way, well, I had my first threesome when I was maybe, hmm. 20. Okay. In college,

Elle:

was that with a, a guy or with a guy? It was with

CiCi:

two of my friends. It was with my girlfriend and a guy friend. Okay. We were, engineering students together at university. Oh, wow. And I'm not even quite sure how it happened. We were just at a party and we just started making out and decided to go back to my, apartment at the time. Mm-hmm. And we just had a threesome. It just kinda happened and I'm still friends. Don't talk to him anymore, but I'm still friends with her. Yeah. She was actually the maid of honor in my wedding. Oh, wow. So we've been friends for a long time, but yeah, that just happened., Those kinds of things kinda happened throughout my life. I know I just had sort of a normal life and, I was running around having a good time as a young adult. Sure. And then every once in a while. Get together with, more than one friend at the same time. So does that mean I was lifestyle? I don't know.

Elle:

Maybe, I dunno. I mean, again, we, we've talked about the definition and what makes lifestyle before, right. I think the general consensus is. S do you feel you're, you were in the lifestyle that that was, you know, I

CiCi:

didn't even know about that term. I think that I've always been sexually open. Mm-hmm. I'm not one of those people that grew up in a really repressed religious background. My parents had like Playboy and penthouse laying around. I think I had my first orgasm when I was like 10. Sure. With the shower, massage or something like that. So I'm like, oh, that was fun. And so I just have been sort of openly sexual, kind of my whole life. Yeah. And I think about it, was I non-monogamous or was I, I think, you know, our society. You're socialized to want one partner. And so I definitely wanted to find my true love and find my person. And I did have boyfriends, but if it wasn't part of society, I would've been open if at the time. So I guess what I'd say is that, I feel like I'm. An ENM person at my core. That's just how I am. Whether that's lifestyle or swinger or whatever, that's just how I am. And I think because of society, I. Tried to be monogamous and, I don't think it worked out well for me. So, I'm with my wonderful husband and he's my soulmate and my partner in crime and my best friend, and he's like me. So it's all great. But yeah it was from, I think the start. Mm-hmm. If I think about when we really started like swinging. I actually met him and I was with somebody else, and he was with somebody else. So again, I was not monogamous, but it wasn't ethical and I'm not proud of that. But, I was young and stupid, but we ended up together I think at that time, the person that I was with, I would tell. About some of my experiences and sharing about myself, and then he would immediately get upset even if it was something that happened before I met him. And at that point, I decided, well. I'm not sorry I did all those things. I'm just sorry that I told him.

Elle:

It's, it's not a safe space. It's not a safe

CiCi:

space. So I kept a lot of myself secret. Sure. I didn't share everything. So when I met my now husband, I decided I would just be myself. I would. Just tell'em everything. And I think we were dating and I went with a girlfriend to a club med once, The same person that I Oh, okay. Yeah. She was with, it was with her, with several other people, but she and I seduced the sailing instructor. Oh, okay. And had a threesome. See that happening. See that? Yeah. And then we came back and then I told Ben about it and I fully. Was expecting that he was gonna get upset and break up with me, but he didn't. He was like, oh really? Tell me more. Tell me more. I'm like, I go, huh. So we've always been that way. And we didn't know about the lifestyle. We didn't know there was something called swinging. So we would just live sort of normal vanilla lives. But every once in a while we would, get together with our friends. It wasn't usually anybody that we didn't know. It was always. People that we knew. And but it wouldn't be all the time. It would be just like, oh, we got together. That was really fun. There was a couple people eventually that we kind of got together with regularly. I sort of knew when we got together with certain people to go out, we probably wind up, fucking, but it was not a lifestyle thing. And I think at one point, it was his birthday and we went to Vegas. He actually hired a sex worker. This

Elle:

is not the first time we've had this story on really.

CiCi:

Well, he hired a sex worker. He did it all for his birthday. And, we did that and we actually went to a Cassidy party. So we heard about Cassidy from another friend who told us all about swinging and we joined Cassidy and we went to a Cassidy party and we had a fantastic time and we thought this is really fun. So that's kind of what started, I would say, the traditional lifestyle. That's when I would consider that we were actually lifestyle before we were just sexually open.

Elle:

Right, right. Okay. And so then it became a little bit more organized because you had the website and you Right, you had to make a profile specifically. Yeah. Yes. Profile. And then you start talking to people and you start looking at other people. Right. Then you make dates. Well,

CiCi:

you know, so we didn't really do any of that. We didn't really go on dates, we just went to events.

Elle:

Okay.

CiCi:

So there were some local events at the time I was living in the Bay Area and, up, we would look up whatever events were happening through Cassidy normally. And then once you go to some events, you hear about other ones, right? And so we would go to those and those were really fun, but we really didn't connect with anybody there outside of the event. We would go there, we would have fun. So, but that was kind of our fun thing to do. Probably not that often, like once every month or two, something like that. Not like all the time. Mm-hmm. But yeah, that's how we started.

Elle:

Okay. When did you start making some trips to Denver to go.

CiCi:

Oh, okay. So that was much later. Oh, okay. So this was all happening. I mean, I'm advanced in my age, so don't look it, this was probably, when we were going to Cassidy events, it was kind of a long time ago, and then we ended up moving, to the Pacific Northwest. Okay. And, at that time. We lived kind of in a small mountain town, and so we still went to events, but just not anything local. And I did try finding people locally, but it's a small town and didn't do much. And so we sort of took a little bit of a break and, Ben was kind of egging me on, he was saying, you know, you need to find a boyfriend. I'm like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Goes, you really need to find a boyfriend. You know? So I said, well, you

Elle:

wear too much for him.

CiCi:

He loves to watch me. He loves, he just loves to indulge me. Yeah. He is very, he just compressive. Yes, exactly. And even before we moved to the Pacific Northwest, I would sometimes go out and on my own, like solo. And he always, encouraged me to do that. He always wanted to hear all about it, get pictures and talk about it and stuff like that. So that was a little bit part of our dynamic, I guess. That's like the hot wife. Yeah. Dynamic. But I didn't even know what that term was. Never heard of it. Okay. And then when we moved, he was just teasing me about finding someone locally. And a couple of years I think. Probably three years ago, like on Halloween, I remember that he talked me into doing a profile on Tinder, which I have never done. I've never done an online dating app ever. Okay. And, of course my single friends do all that. So I, I made a profile on Tinder and the next morning I had like a a thousand likes.

Elle:

Holy cow. Sure. Yeah.

CiCi:

So then. So I'm like, I am not gonna go through a thousand profiles. So, I started Googling other types of dating apps that were a little bit more focused on, not, traditional dating.

Elle:

Okay. And I found, so that's what those be.

CiCi:

Yeah. That's So Field. Field. I found Field and I, made a profile on field and I met people really. That I'm still friends with today. So it's kind of hit or miss, but I feel like the people that I wanna meet probably had a profile on field at some point. Sure. So that's kind of what happened. I started meeting people locally and that's been really fun. And so the Denver thing, I think I had heard about Scarlet Ranch. When I was visiting Denver and I decided that I wanted to check it out. Mm-hmm. So I went there, I went on my own, on one of the ladies' nights just to check it out to see if something that would be something that Ben would like. And, and I love the ranch. I mean, it's very cool. It's very different than, than a lot of lifestyle, clubs, I guess. Yeah. It's not a nightclub. It's more like a, more like a lodge. Mm-hmm. And I went there and I met, a couple there that were gold members. I met your husband. Mm-hmm. And, thought it was really cool. It was really chill and my husband would like it. And so that was my actual first trip. And then I came back with him on his birth.

Elle:

Right. And I remember we had dinner. Yes. And Jay is like, oh, you really need to meet this woman. She's beautiful, she's funny, she's smart. She's, you know, super sexy and I wanna make sure that we can spend some time together and see where things could go. And we did have a wonderful dinner. That

CiCi:

was a wonderful dinner. A lot of fun. And I tried the swing for the first time, so that was fun. The swing under the stairs? Yes. The swing into the stairs. Yeah. Yeah. That was a lot of fun.

Elle:

Oh good. And then that just started our friendship after. The years. That's right. That's right. You know, we chat every now and then, or you'd be taking a trip somewhere, you're like, oh my God, you should come. Yeah, she come with me. There's a party that I'm gonna go

CiCi:

to. I know Jay really wants you to come visit me. He's always saying, anytime you go on one of your trips, you go on a business trip or something, you just tell me and I will fly her down and I go, okay. Alright. So yeah, we just, that'll happen, I'm sure. Right. It will.

Elle:

It's gonna get, it's gonna be the right time and that the right place. Right, right. We've been traveling or have something else coming up, so, you know. Right,

CiCi:

right. Well, I think I met you then. The next time I came out, I was visiting, a play partner that was stationed in, the Denver area. Right. I came out actually for a hot wife event, a podcast I listened to. They have events, you know, throughout the United States at the time. Yes. And they still do. We,

Elle:

we've gone to this, I think. Well, it was a different house than you went to. Oh, yeah. Okay. But they, go to a house out. By the airport, a big Airbnb that's mm-hmm. Lifestyle friendly for sure. Right, right. And, and have him out there. I think they come out a couple of times a year still today. Oh, okay. Okay. I

CiCi:

think they talk that about that in the podcast in which they really liked Denver. Yeah. But yeah, but I went out there to meet him and he's also someone that lived in the Pacific Northwest as well, and, he knows Ben well. They've, they've become friends and, it's kind of like a third, we all three get together. We'll have dinner together, we'll go on hikes, go skiing. We all three do things together, but I've also, go out with him solo, we're friends as well. And then, he happened to be here on assignment. And so I came out to visit him and take him to the hot wife party and we decided to, go to the ranch as well. So that was when you got a chance to meet him?

Elle:

Yeah, he was a nice guy for sure. Something I was just thinking about is, and I, we've touched on this a couple of times. With other couples that we've interviewed, but the ability to build those relationships outside sex. Mm-hmm. Know you mentioned going for a hike. Right. You know, you guys get together, go to dinner, or something like that. Right. I think that is something that people in the vanilla world don't quite understand, right. Is that this is so much more Yes than just going. And fucking someone else's husband. Right, right. This is, relationships or we were talking about it earlier, is we were getting set up for the podcast is you can talk about things, right. That you can't talk about with others because they look at you horrified that you actually brought that up and you know, it's hard when you forget who you are talking to. You just comfortable. The

CiCi:

thing about it is that occurs to me is that. Everybody talks about like, I love food, I love to cook, I love to go to restaurants. I travel'cause I, like I say that everything stems from my love of food. Mm-hmm. I exercise'cause I love to eat. Right? Absolutely. I cook because I love to eat. I travel and I love food. You know what? I love sex. And the thing about it is that everybody has sex. Everybody does it. And it's such a normal part of, it's like a requirement, right? It's like part of your being a human. But why do we not talk about it? Like why would we not. Talk about something that we, spend so much time doing and thinking about.

Elle:

I think what happens for a lot of people is sex becomes not important. Mm-hmm. It's not a made up priority. And when you have the kids and you have work. Right. You have other responsibilities. And sex does tend to take a backseat and Right. That affects how you look at your spouse. Right. And it affects how you feel about yourself. Yeah. Yeah. And one of the biggest things I noticed getting into the lifestyle with Jay and over the years is I already, I always felt I was, cute. Yeah. You know, in high school I was the guy's friend. Yeah. I wasn't the one that he asked out or Right. That, you know, people had crushes on. I was the one that, yeah, she's nice. She's funny, you know, at least that's how I envisioned myself, right? Mm-hmm. And then, to be in my gasp fifties. I don't need to say which end, but I feel sexier now than I ever have in my life. Yes. And a lot of that is not the physical, a lot of that is from the inside. Yeah. And how I feel about myself and how I project myself to others and how I feel that others see me. Right. And a lot of my vanilla friends. Are stuck in the ruts and in the routine and still

CiCi:

feel like they're unattractive or they talk about getting older or, you know, other things. I agree with you. I think that it's a really important part. It's like part of health, you know, like working out and being mentally, healthy, being sexually healthy is really important. Right. And, I think things are kind of changing. Like I kind of feel like it's becoming more normal, like normalized and more positive maybe with the younger generation or, I don't know. Yeah, no,

Elle:

I would agree with that. Yeah.'cause I think what we're starting to see, especially the ranch in the summertime at least, is like, well, it seems like this last year, once a weekend, they had the phone party. Mm-hmm. And that brings out a younger 20 something crowd that mm-hmm. You know, they caught wind that this, EDM music playing. Right. And it's more like a little bit of a,

CiCi:

like a rave. A rave, yeah, exactly. I

Elle:

know my son, for years he's been going to raves and loves the music and the atmosphere and pretty sure he's enjoying the drugs. We have, we've talked a little bit about that, but, you know, it's, something that they like to do, so that sort of flows into that. I think that also. The openness of a sexual relationship is becoming a little bit more normalized for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Than it is for us but I also feel like it's becoming more commonplace and more. Open and accepting, because that's who we're surrounding ourselves

CiCi:

with. Yeah. That may be true. That may be true for sure. Some of my most cherished connections I have such close friends, and it's because you can be completely yourself and you can talk about everything and, I think that's, a wonderful thing. I actually have a lot of friends that are, my fitness friends. Mm-hmm. We talk about fitness and we do fitness things together. And I know if I'm gonna go out, drinking or something, they're probably not gonna wanna do it. Right. You know, because just, they're my friends that I do fitness with and I have friends that are like, you know, the book club people or the cooking people. I have a bunch of friends, mom friends actually, that, I still adore and we get together and we have a great time. But I can't talk about the sex. Yeah. And I kind of feel like with the e and m friends I have, I can talk about everything. Yeah.

Elle:

Ethical.

CiCi:

It's nice. Non-monogamy. Yeah. And

Elle:

if somebody isn't sure, oh yes. It's hard to kind of put, roll your tongue around to say, but I, you know, I feel you need to say that more because that encompasses,

CiCi:

encompasses everything, right. More than just

Elle:

swinging. Yeah. So it's

CiCi:

poly, kink, other, oh, just general open. Actually, I know a lot of people that aren't. Wouldn't consider themselves swingers. Right. They don't really enjoy group and going to parties. They're more or less just dating several people. Right. They're not always into threesomes and stuff like that, but they're still e and m and they still are very open and, and communicate very well.

Elle:

Yeah. There's so many different.

CiCi:

Yeah. And different flavors.

Elle:

Aspects. Yeah, flavors. Oh, I like that. And you,

CiCi:

you kind of go through, I think seasons, you know, like I think, I feel like I went through the kids season, you're a parent and that takes a lot of your, energy. And there was a time that I just. Did nothing but work. You know, worked all the time. But now's a good time. I can, I believe it's for you. It's a very good time.

Elle:

Well, speaking of good times, tell me a fun story that you have. You know, everybody's got that one where, they pull it out of their back pocket to share a story because, I have

CiCi:

so many good stories, I'll just tell. A funny story. Kind of recent, a couple of recent kind of funny stories. Okay. They're not my every day, but, you know,'cause I just got back from a trip. Mm-hmm. So, I just recently went on a trip and, it was a, triple trip. This is the third leg. So the first, part of it as I went to, San Francisco with some my mom friends. And, I have a friend that. Loves organizing all of us together. And we've had this, kind of plan. So we all went to San Francisco and we went and saw, a drag show brunch and we went to a Halloween thing, like at the old San Francisco Mint where they like, these are

Elle:

vanilla life brunch vanilla

CiCi:

friends. Yeah. Okay. But, the one who organizes it knows my ways. And, there's another friend there that we got together once with Ben. So of course she knows our ways as well, but that was a long time ago. It was, she was one of the, and I talked about like, we had some friends, sometimes we got together, like, okay. It was one wasn't a regular, but we are, she was more okay. She was like one time, but mm-hmm. You know, she was, she's very, very sexy. I mean, she's like a man magnet. She like, oh, nice. She's like one of those people that just exudes sexualness. She can go out in like her sweats and with no makeup on and her hair's a mess. She's surrounded by five guys. I don't know what it is. I'm

Elle:

envious. Yeah,

CiCi:

sorry. It doesn't matter. We all have her seasons and stuff, so she was on that trip. And then I have a friend who isn't ENM, but I had to come clean with her because on one of the previous trips we were actually in Orlando going to Disney World. And there was a takeover event happening at Secrets and I really wanted to go. But I was with all these friends and I wanted to go to this party and so I, I brought like a school girl outfits, and I had to sneak outta this Disney area to get into an Uber to go to this party. And I was swimming with my vanilla friend. So I had to, come clean to her. And I just said, if I tell you something about me, don't judge me. She goes, I would never judge you, Cece. Just wait. And, and I, I go, so then I told her and she didn't judge me and she covered for me. She said The Costa's clear.'cause we were all staying like next to each other. I snuck outta that place, like

Elle:

covert

CiCi:

operation. Covert operation. Snuck outta that place and went to the party. Had a great time, came back. Super late and was not good the next day. I could not go to Disney World.

Elle:

I think I got food boys.

CiCi:

I just thought I was very tired and, and it was true. That was not a lie. No. But anyway, she was there. So we went on this great, you kind of vanilla girls trip but we all went out after like going to the Mint and Holland, the haunted houses and stuff. They all went to Dead. And there is a club there called twist. Club Twist. Oh, I've heard that. Yeah. And there's a community called Bronze Party, and I, I know the person who runs it, I've been to many of his parties, my husband Ben and I had been to several of his events when we were living in the Bay Area, and I, we still go sometimes. And I knew the people working the front door, like the security people. So I snuck out over there, it was like about a mile and a half away and. Went to the, went to the pre, what is it, the Halloween kickoff, and had a very good time. It was a very fun, there's some play partners from the past that I see and they were there. And so it was very, very fun So I just did that and then I went to Orlando and we just did normal things. Did the amusement parks and now I'm here.

Elle:

And now you're here. So you've managed to really balance your vanilla life with your. More playful side of things.

CiCi:

Yes. I try to, and sometimes, you know, sometimes it gets to be too much and I think, well, I need to put more balance into other things. Mm-hmm. Because you know, I mean, how many orgies and

Elle:

can you go to, can you go to person, go to The answer

CiCi:

is quite a bit. Yes. So, but do, how many do you want to go to? So, I mean, just like you have to, fit in your exercise and your health and sleep, you need sleep. I've, I've gotten like an average of four hours of sleep. For the last seven days, so I'm

Elle:

sure it's gonna hit you at some point.

CiCi:

At some point, yeah. Yeah, maybe. Maybe after tomorrow.

Elle:

You know, we were talking about that earlier today too, that when it seems like you can't handle everything that's going on. It is that basis of, you have. The ability to love multiple people and to be with multiple people, but you don't have the ability to create extra hours in a day.

CiCi:

That's right. You know, time and energy is limited. I think love is unlimited. You can love multiple people, and, and I do. I, I really do. I. Love a lot of my partners. Mm-hmm. Not, not like I do my husband. My husband is my soulmate. But I do love others and, but I don't have unlimited time and energy. Yeah. You just don't. So you have to prioritize, your time just like you would, I mean, that is what I think happens with your kids. You know, as a mom, you end up prioritizing your kids and, maybe rightly so, but you really need to make sure that, I think. To also prioritize your partner and prioritize your health. I mean, a lot of people stop working out, they stop taking care of themselves. They stop investing in their relationship. I, I feel like it's really important. I'm not saying that I did a great job. I mean, there are times that I didn't do that. And still to this day I sometimes I realize, oh my God, I'm spending all my time doing other things. I'm not investing in what's important to me. So I just think that's part of life and being human and, you know, cool.

Elle:

And, and that's something that we all need to be constantly aware of. Yes. I think, yeah, you're right. When there's little kids, it's harder to do that. But as you get older, you've gotta find a way to bring that back. And I think that's why we see a lot of couples who've been married for a long time dip a toe into the swing of lifestyle. Right.'cause they want to, feel that again. Yeah. Yeah. And they see that this is a way and it's, it needs to not be a fix. No. But it can always enhance. That's right. Can go about it, right? That's right. In your travels and in your sexual escapade tell me a story that maybe wasn't so great that you learned something okay, well we need to not do that. Those are my favorite stories because everybody relates to them too. Honestly,

CiCi:

this happens on a regular basis. Well, something will happen and I'll go. Well. I'm really sorry that I did that. I had a strange one pretty recently. And that there was somebody, actually, somebody I met at that hot wife party, Uhhuh was actually living in like a van and he's like a. Bike bicyclist, like a bike racer. Okay. And he was traveling around, living in his van and work, he was working in it or something like that. He was going around the country and he was rolling through, where I lived. And so he came over and normally we wouldn't have. Someone like that stay with us. But we said, oh no, you, you could stay with us or at least come over and take a shower and stuff.'cause he was living in his van. And a friend of mine was having an orgy. The first thing that happened is that we went to see a friend of ours a musician friend there, our e and m, very close friends with Ben and I. And they were. Like singing or performing guitar and singing at a, a local bar. Mm-hmm. So we all went to that place and this person, put his arm around me, not thinking, you know, whatever, but we hadn't discussed it. He hadn't really talked to Ben about that. And yeah, Ben was like, oh dude, you know, he's

Elle:

kind of assuming

CiCi:

well, and and it's partly my fault. I mean, I was wearing like a tight dress, I was wearing no underwear and I like was. All jazz. This is my fault. Let's go back to the fact

Elle:

that it is not what you're wearing. It's, yes, I convers,

CiCi:

I feel like it's partly my fault, but it was also like, he was like, you know,

Elle:

there was an assumption.

CiCi:

Anybody, there was an assumption and we were in public. Yeah. So, you know any in your town? In my town, and I've got, I've got, I have family that live in that town. We have people that don't know, so that was. It's just, I was being careless, having him over and just kind of acting like it was a swing of thing and it wasn't we're in public. Yeah. And then he did as well. So Ben's great. He'll say something and, and it could have ruined everything.'cause he was really, kind of irked about it. But he got over that'cause the guy was a really nice guy. Yeah. So that happened and then the next day, we had planned to play later that evening. Planned too many things. We went on a hike and too many things. And then there was a bike race going on, so all the roads were closed. Oh, sure. And then we had this orgy to go to and it was just, it was just so many things. There's too many things. And then at, at the orgy, so that was supposed to be eight people, two like four couples on the way there. One of the guys so he was going as a date with another friend and the wife wasn't gonna be there. And the wife decided that. He wasn't allowed to go. So one of the guys dropped last minute, so then it was gonna be three guys and four women. Okay.

Elle:

Which

CiCi:

is not right. Which is okay. Yeah. But then we get there so everything was sexy and great, but he was really ha he was kind of having a hard time performing and which is totally, it's totally, you know, normal. But he just, couldn't perform. So. Rather than just sit out and focus on other things, right? He like left the room and just started meditating. In another room. It was like kind of off, like kind of strange and okay. And so then I went to talk to him and then it turns out that he was just about to go on this like spiritual journey, which involved being celibate. And I was gonna be his last hurrah, but he didn't tell me that. Like, I did not know this, so. Wow. I know. And so he was, he's gonna write a book and he was gonna go expectations,

Elle:

but no,

CiCi:

he just didn't say anything. And so then I guess what happened is at that event. He, his mind was already like, yeah. Checked out, so that's why he couldn't perform and then he just decided just to start his celibacy right then. And there was like, we're in the middle of a

Elle:

starting your celibacy journey in the middle of an orgy. Yes. Really a big one to wrap around.

CiCi:

Okay. I just. I don't, I mean, we ended up talking about it later and it's fine. I mean, he, completely went off the grid. I've not talked to him at all. He's like, cut himself off. He's like being a monk. So he's often in the middle of the mountains, I'm sure somewhere. But that was kind of a negative experience. I kinda weird.

Elle:

Sure. But it, it comes back to, and I chuckle and I'm just sitting here quietly smiling it, and it comes up on every episode. But it is that communication. Yeah. Yeah. Whether it's your partner or Or somebody new. Yeah. And if you have expectations, it's okay to go into something with no expectations and you let it flow. Right, right, right. But if you have specific expectations, you need to take those moments. Especially he's staying with you

CiCi:

for, he's staying with us. And the thing about is we were supposed to play with with Ben, so,

Elle:

yeah.

CiCi:

And then so the orgy happens, he sat out, which is, I guess, fine, it's just that we didn't come back home to Ben and, and be together, which is what we thought was gonna happen. That didn't happen. He just left and went on his van and left that that night like he left and camped somewhere. But they, it's kind of just a, as a funny, as an aside. Yes. So there was two guys and four women.

Elle:

Okay. Then

CiCi:

and strap on. So Ben was not there, so I went, no. Then okay. And then, and then one of the guys is like, he's also kind of a hot wife dynamic as well, and they're content maker. So he was videoing, so then he wasn't really participating. One guy and four women is with four women, but I could tell you he did a good job.

Elle:

Oh, good. Yeah. Good part, I hope.

CiCi:

Yeah. Well actually he's the one I was telling you about that runs these parties, and so Oh, sure. Yeah, he's, he's quite the superstar, so he, okay. I mean, I have to say four women and a strap on, so Good.

Elle:

Okay, so there were two penises. And four women.

CiCi:

Yeah. Yeah. But still, that's an interesting dynamic. I know. But it started off like one thing, it turned into something else, which ended up being okay. And I had a good time and it was all right. It was just, I was worried about, the guy that was staying with us and it was, I was really bummed with my husband.'cause that whole weekend we had sort of built it up and, and it became just me and the guy and the guy. Left and that whole thing probably could have been, maybe, well, I don't know if they could have been avoided. He didn't know that was gonna happen. Right. I just didn't know about the whole celibacy thing. And

Elle:

that would've made a difference. He would've, I

CiCi:

mean,

Elle:

at least had some heads up of what was going on and, you know Right. To help him through that or to understand where he was at. Yeah.

CiCi:

Yeah. Maybe he wasn't saying it'cause he didn't wanna make it weird. I don't know, but Sure. But anyway, definitely didn't get weird. It's not a story that you hear every day. It didn't, it doesn't happen to me every day. So, no.

Elle:

Well and kind of to. To wrap things up a little bit on this, I, I wanna ask you, because you really have embraced the hot wife mm-hmm. World Yes. Over the years, and I've not perfected it because certainly you can't, and there's still gonna be ups and downs, but what would be your advice to a woman who wants to explore more of the hot wiping? Let's assume husband is on board, she wants to do more hot wiping. What are some positive tips to. Help her navigate through that?

CiCi:

Oh gosh. Well, first of all, I, would say go do it. I mean, I love it. I think it's awesome and I'm so lucky. I feel so lucky and fortunate that, my husband loves me so much and he just loves to indulge me and he. You know, truly loves seeing me and hearing about it and watching me, and so I love it. And so it's a great match. Yeah, I would say that if both people aren't really into it, I mean, just be careful, you know? I mean, try it and if it doesn't work out, there's no, no harm. There's other things to do. Yeah. But if you do find that you both like it, I think it's a wonderful thing. So, so take

Elle:

it one at a time. Yeah. And evaluate and, and start. I think so. I

CiCi:

don't think that, I think. Is true. Well, my guess is, is that it's true for really all types of relationships. There's not really a cookie cutter way. I mean, there's some couples I know where the, the husband like, he chooses all the men. Okay. And it's so, he feels like he's.

Elle:

Got the control of what's happening. Yeah.

CiCi:

He, he has, he does all the matchmaking. He has a bunch of rules and stuff like that. And that may work for, well for them. Mm-hmm. For us, we don't have that. I mean, I, I choose my own partners and honestly, I don't bring them all home to Ben Uhhuh. And so sometimes it's just me going out solo and. Taking pictures and videos and talking about it later, it's always super hot, hot later on, you know? And but if it's somebody that I really think would be a friend, like someone that I really will care about and that I think he'll like, which is, it's rare. I mean, I, I'm very careful and selective of who I bring into our relationship. And I think I'm getting to the point now where I'm, sort of fulfilled with who I have, so I don't, I'm not really looking, not really looking for anything more, but yeah, I think that works for us. I know that other people, the husband is much more involved and it's much more of a dynamic that way. Ours is really more, I guess, free flowing of it. Yeah. So I think what my advice would be is just talk about it with your, partner and see what works for you. Try different things. And I even know people that, you know, several people that have. We're both partners will date solo and, and they really don't talk about it with each other. Like they go off and they, have experiences and they're kind of separate. And that wouldn't work well for my husband and me. I mean, we share everything and I tell'em everything. And I think for us, that brings us closer. And but for others, that's fine for them. So I'd say that, you just have to find what works for you.

Elle:

I think that's a good point because everybody is different. Yeah. Yeah. So have that, that talk, have that conversation, evaluate. As it goes. Right. And it changes,

CiCi:

you know, it changes. Right. And you know what that's a prerogative. You, you know, you might have a boundary or a rule today, and even in the same evening, something might change. So you just have to communicate about it. Yeah. You know, and not, hold things back because you, you're afraid fester. Yeah. Don't let it fester. And, and sometimes you're feeling insecure on something else. Like, I find that whenever we've had, conflicts or issues. Around, being open and in the lifestyle it's usually not because of that. It's about because of something else. Right. You know,, it's, that's what triggers it. It triggers it, but it's, maybe

Elle:

dive into it a little bit more. Yeah.

CiCi:

Dive into it. Don't assume that it's because of that specifically. It's really, when one person might be feeling kind of vulnerable, more insecure, and need something more. At that point in time. Yeah, so I would just say that, it's not like there's a rule that is true even like in the same evening, you know?

Elle:

Right, right. And I think it's important to, know and understand when your partner is expressing to you how they feel about a certain situation. To not necessarily take that personally. Yeah, don't be defensive because it may not really have anything. I, I'm totally guilty of that.

CiCi:

Like, you know, oh, yeah, me too. You know, something happens and you, I'll automatically start getting all defensive and that's just not helpful. No. So it's, but it's human behavior. So just recognizing the moment that don't, when you start feeling yourself getting confronted or feeling defensive, just stop for a second and just listen and try to, and

Elle:

let them work that out as they're talking about it. And get through to it. And some people, people, you might find it something else completely different. Totally. That you two can agree on and work on and be okay.

CiCi:

And some people think out loud and some people don't, you know? And someone thinks out loud, but it's not really what they think forever, it's just what they thought at that time, you know, at that moment. So, yeah, sure. Like anything else, swing is like anything else. Like it could be the kids, it could be, money, it could be anything. So,

Elle:

yeah. Yeah. Could be tired.'cause your neck hurt. Yeah. Oh wait, that was me. Oh, well, great. Okay. Well I'm gonna just take a moment. We have two wonderful sponsors and I wanna just make sure that we get our shout out to them. And the first one is shivers. And it's the edible CBD derived sensation enhancer that takes intimacy to the next level with specialized formulas for both men and women. Shivers kicks in after about 30 to 60 minutes, and it gives you a clean energy boost while heightening every touch and sensation. And the best part, you're gonna feel amazing the next day. No hangover. Just more energy and a lingering smile. So find out why everyone's talking about shivers and experience the tingle for yourself. We do have a link on our website, so please go there, check it out, and there's a discount if you put in us as the code. Also, of course, like we have almost every episode, the Scarlet Ranch. North America's premier lifestyle destination with two sizzling bars, gourmet dining and both open and private play spaces. It's where unforgettable nights begin. So check out scarlet ranch.com and start your next adventure tonight. Perfect. I would like to just take a moment and really thank Cece not only for coming and making the effort to stop here on our way home and spend some time with us, and we're going to the wonderful, amazing, super crowded Halloween party tonight. And we had a wonderful party, friends of ours hosted a house party and let us bring our girlfriend along to, to meet everybody and we had a great time. This, this whole weekend so far has turned out to be really pretty terrific.

CiCi:

Yeah. Thank you so much for having me. So much fun. And you know, Halloween is kind of the Super Bowl for Swingers. I've never, actually It is, but I've never really done it for Halloween. I've always, I've not done one Halloween party that is lifestyle related. So this is that, this is why I wanted to come and see you guys this weekend. So

Elle:

I, I'm really excited to see the costumes. People get so creative and they go all out and the people are there. It's gonna get warm. And thank goodness we have a, a 70 degree Colorado Day with no forecast of snow tonight knocking on wood.'Cause it's Colorado and sometimes you get that freak stuff, but no sign of it so far. I'm

CiCi:

definitely gonna run today. It's beautiful out. Beautiful. Yeah. You're gonna wanna get out today? Yeah,

Elle:

for sure. So thank you again so much for coming and spending time with us. Until next time. I'm Elle.

CiCi:

And I'm Cece.

Elle:

Be sexy,

CiCi:

be confident.

Elle:

Be unapologetic.