Unapologetic Swingers: Epsiode 35 - Ian and Jolie: The Glow Party Architects

Cece and the Tramp still buzzing from the night before, interview Ian and Jolie - the amazing couple behind epic glow parties that have grown into an inspiring community in the pacific northwest. 

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Transcript

Cece 0:03

Welcome back to Unapologetic Swingers.

Tramp 0:05

I'm Cece, and I'm the Tramp. And I know I see this every single episode, but thank you for just continuing to come with us as we explore the lifestyle and adjacent subjects, the highs and lows and everything in between. And as we complete our tour of the Pacific Northwest here with CC as my gorgeous co-hosts. Thank you. We are blessed, truly blessed. To have Ian and Jolie with us and they have an interesting story. And really since Cece invited the Denver crew up to visit this has been the crowning jewel of the entire weekend, or I should say last night. But I will let you guys introduce yourself. And how about

Ian 0:56

it? Hi everybody. My name is Ian and I host glow parties, blacklight body paint parties. I really should be more specific.

Jolie 1:05

And I'm Jolie. Yeah, I attend said parties.

Tramp 1:09

You just don't attend parties. We'll get into that. Yeah. But you there, there's always the brains behind the scene. And Julie is that, but Julie, you are multi-talented. So we will get into your own workshop. Yeah. That we did yesterday before area of expertise. Yes. So Ian, tell me a little bit about your journey and your adventures and how you have crafted a wonderful community. And I know you travel all around the Pacific Northwest primarily, but from my own personal experience this weekend. Wonderful. People, just incredible. So tell me how that started.

Ian 1:54

Oh boy. So this one time at Burning Man as any good story begins basically black light body painting was a concept that I was introduced to out on the playa during the Renegade Burn in 2021. And. My partner at the time, and I brought that concept home and had ourselves a amazing night of painting and silliness. And that was something that immediately we went, oh, we have to introduce our friends to this. This was really sexy. And what could be better than having more sexy people in a room running around, frolicking, glowing. And that went from inviting another couple to, let's add a couple more couples to, they told some friends to, oh, we need a bigger house. Let's look around and find a place. And it's now progressed to a semi-professional swinger party that has momentum more than just in our little town here. But it's grown to now four cities in the Pacific Northwest. And each city has its own. Amazing little community that has developed it's been about four years now and this weekend was the 40th and 41st party that has had more than say, 25 people. This was definitely the biggest weekend with 110 over two nights plus the head headcount that Jolie had. It's just grown into this amazing bunch of people that is, strangely enough, a kind of a heartwarming little community building effort. It's a phenomenal amount of effort to set up and break down a party like this. And there's just an army of volunteers finishing up cleaning this house as we speak actually upstairs. And it just has its own momentum now. It's amazing. It's so much fun.

Tramp 3:49

And I know Cece is a repeat offender. Let's just say I'm a repeat

Cece 3:54

offender. I think this is my, that was maybe my sixth or seventh glow party, but I first heard about them, I think I just heard about it from friends. I said, there's this guy Ian, and he throws these really fun parties. And I go, I wanna go. They go you need to, do a video verification and we need to be introduced to 'em. So I went and it was just amazing. Yeah, I think it's really unique that it's, I've been to a lot of swinger events. I've been to many house parties, but the glow parties are really different. They're just different.

Ian 4:21

I think one of the big things that allowed for that is and part of the origin story of this is I had never been to a house party. I didn't know how to get invited to a house party. I'd been to some of the clubs in Portland and I didn't have the influence of this is how a party's supposed to be. It was put together from scratch from. Myself and a couple other partners trying to figure out what do we want to craft in a party And each time, it was done very clumsily a couple times and each time had a little bit of refinement

Cece 4:50

yeah. What I think is different is that you have everybody come at a specific time and we, do the consent talk and the introductions all together, so everybody's there at the same time. It's not like one of those parties where people just kinda show up at 10 30 or 11 o'clock and you've got people showing up at midnight and you don't know who they are even, I've never seen anything like that.

Ian 5:09

The group cohesion really helps and that forces everybody into, you have to be here for the consent talk and then if you're not, I've turned people away because they're running an hour late. It's just something that kind of interrupts the vibe and I think that really helps everybody. Connect right from the beginning, right? Everybody's on the same page. Everybody has the same set of rules. Everybody has, the same faces in that circle as we're all talking. You look around and go, all right, this is our crew for the night. And you can lean into that a little more securely. Yeah. And this party has so many new people who come to it. It's really geared as a beginner event. There's a lot of people who are not new to lifestyle things, but it's explicitly been made a very consciously safe Julie likes to say it has containers. It's a safe container for exploration, and it has a lot of off ramps in case folks decide that they, this might not be something they want to dive as deep into. And it's structured. That's one that I use a lot to describe this, and I think that structure makes it feel safe, right from the first time somebody reads the party link. It's okay. I know what I'm getting into instead of a nebulous Oh, it's a swinger party. Yeah. Show up.

Tramp 6:15

Yeah. You just show up and it is what it is. That particular setup that you do where you have a social time period and then it's play time. I can only think of one lifestyle club in Vegas that kind of does that same format. And I have to tell you as much as some people are gonna be like, wait a minute we want to play when we wanna play. I have to tell you it just works. Yeah. It works so well.

Ian 6:41

Yeah. Enforced connection time. Yeah. Yeah. For play makes everybody a little more comfortable with play when that time comes around.

Tramp 6:48

And also there's the aspect of everyone painting each other and. Asking permission, just like the big consent talk you asked. That's true. You

Cece 6:57

can model it first. You can say, can I paint you? And big practice section. Yeah, big practice section. And that's

Jolie 7:01

what I mean. I think that's one of the things I talk a lot about, Ian, is he starts the community and the sense of safety. When he does a video chat with somebody who's never been before, he asks them about their history, what do they know, what's their comfort level? And he already starts building community with those people before they show up. Yeah. And so they already know somebody and there are couples or single people where this is their very first event. Yes. I met a couple last night. I did as well. And a very single lifestyle event. Very single. Like first like group play. And because he goes through the effort to meet each person online, first video chat. Let's get to know you a little bit. What's your background? Hey, what are you worried about? What questions do you have? They already know a face when they walk in the door. And then I think that helps to build this sense of okay, I have some community. Then there's the consent talk. Everyone, there's some play, there's, some interaction and then there's, oh, now you don't get to do anything sexual for two hours. You just paint each other. And it's this flirty, fun community building time where then people building pressure, building the pressure. A lot of pressure, and people. And to paint the picture here, it's all black lights. Everyone's in like sexy lingerie. Yeah. Everybody looks great. Everyone looks great. And so it's this forced tease for a couple of hours, but it builds more flirtation.

Cece 8:18

And then there's that going on. Yeah. But there's, you see the ChAARI ropes. You see all the whatever. You see all the things, but you're not using them. You're like, oh,

Ian 8:27

there's lots of Easter eggs when people walk in. To paint the picture a little bit for everybody listening, it is. A private residence covered top to bottom in black sheets. Mostly to protect everything from paint but it also adds quite a bit of ambiance. And you walk in and there's a pile of glowing wigs over there. There's a pile of glowing ChAARI rope over here. There's a bunch of glowing sex toys over on that shelf. Several tables covered in every kind of crazy paint, neon paint that you can find. And everybody walks in. Finds a spot to stash their things. And then you just get to go explore the house for 20 minutes until we start the consent talk. And it's really fun to see people's faces light up and go, oh my goodness, this is such a cool house. We had, we got a whole orgy bed set of four or five inflatable beds all packed together over in one corner. And then we took all the beds over from this room and packed 'em into this corner. And then this room has wax play and drippy paint play, just high volume drippy paint. You just let it run down somebody's body. And it's this night that just keeps expanding the deeper you get into the house. And so much of that is intentionally new experiential stuff for people to try out for the first time. And it's this big, safe place to make a huge mess

Jolie 9:41

and there's new experiences almost every time. Every time I've been to a lot of parties and I had three new experiences. There you go.

Cece 9:49

And this particular one, I had this big. Tub full of glow in a dark, lingerie and stuff I've collected over, the many glow parties and some people came in and they're like, man, I'm not only wearing like a white bikini or I just brought this black dress. And I go come upstairs. I've got some stuff you can go through. So we're going through my trunk. I saw my clothes on five or six different people. Joey did the same thing. I closed my clothes around a couple people

Jolie 10:10

downstairs too, because yeah, it's part of the dress up. It saw you dress it up. It's so

Tramp 10:14

fun. And Jolie, I have to say, you looked incredibly sexy last night. Everyone looks,

Ian 10:22

Joey has a giant curly mane of hair. Yeah. Literally picture a lion and she's just the queen of this place. Yeah. Makes her really easy to find in the crowd. But definitely. And she was wearing A yellow wrap over some yellow lingerie That anybody. Who got within five feet of her was glowing yellow because she was just this radiant icon running around this whole place last night.

Tramp 10:47

And the listeners can't see, but she is just blushing and grinning ear to ear and it's amazing slather on all that good girl praise. I can only imagine. I have never been in a single place with so many black lights. It bathed the entire residence. And I can only imagine over the years it's probably been a growing investment for lack of better terms, just to bring together all the equipment and everything. And I have to just give you top props that taken so much care and consideration. And it shows. It shows in every single aspect. Of what I've experienced this weekend.

Ian 11:29

It was something that started small and has just slowly grown. The first two years, the two years recent, I've taken it more seriously, but the first two years it was just a play party with friends. And it was a word of mouth, and I'd hit people up on Reddit occasionally, if there was some great pictures or somebody looked fun, but it's something that, I'd charge 25 bucks for real cheap. That was basically my cost of materials. And if I had any leftover that all just got invested in more sheets, more lights, and it went from, I can semi light a 1500 foot house to now I can do a 3000 square foot mansion of a log cabin with 70 people inside and every inch from every angle. There's no shadowing or anything like that. Everybody, everything blows all the time. Yeah. It just pop.

Cece 12:18

Yeah. It's

Ian 12:18

really amazing,

Jolie 12:20

especially all the art on people. I think people come in and they're so artistic and they paint these incredible things on each other's bodies, and it's just like pieces of art, bodies are beautiful anyway, and then just pieces of art walking around.

Ian 12:32

And on that note, one of my favorite things, not everyone's artistic and we have that would be the tramp here. I learned that I'm

Tramp 12:38

very not artistic, but I tried and I tried hard

Ian 12:42

And creating outlets for people who are not artistic, people are saying they're not feeling artistic I'm gonna invest in some stencils. So you can just. Paint by numbers super easy. Something that still ends up looking stunning and somebody can be proud of what they created. Just giving all these different artistic outlets. One of my favorite things that one lady in particular does everybody you know, from kindergarten onwards made hand turkeys. She will go around and put a hand Turkey on everybody, but every single hand Turkey is different. She'll ask them as she's drawing the hand Turkey about themselves, and then the hand Turkey will have reflect their personality, whatever it was discussed. That's awesome. It's something that is so rudimentary and simple and so spectacular. Another lady went through and just drew this huge grid across her whole body, first thing, and asked everyone at the party to fill in a square with some little piece of art. These little things that even if you're not particularly artistic, you can find something to put in there that is quick and easy, and by the end of the night, you're stunning. You're glowing and everybody's proud of something they created. Yeah. That's awesome.

Tramp 13:42

Now, I know originally we were slated to do a pre-party interview

Speaker 3 13:47

mm-hmm.

Tramp 13:47

and a post party, and you guys had some challenges coming into Friday, the sheets. Oh, Lord, yes. So I, what I'm pointing out is this whole weekend has been imperfectly perfect. What was meant to be, was meant to be. And I can personally say just thank you for taking the time, and it was amazing. So I think this time when I get a chance and cc gets a chance to interview, it was the way it was supposed to be.

Ian 14:22

Yeah. So the background on that comment is I have three extra large rolling. Plastic totes of black sheets. There's, I don't know how many, let's say 3000 square feet of black sheets. And at the end of last month's party, we were home for a couple hours and jumped on a plane to Maui. And typically we wash the sheets right after, but this time we forgot to wash them. And I opened up the sheets to set up this party and we had five mega laundromat, loads of sheets to do. And the first volunteers that showed up, I just said, Hey, I gotta send you the laundromat. Here's, 75 bucks for laundry. Can you go wash these and get back here as quickly as you can? We got everything else set up. The floors and sheets were going on as people were walking the door. Photo finish. It worked. It worked great every time. Set up for this as a photo finish every damn time, but. Yeah, my volunteers are spectacular. Some of them just consistently grab that. I always open up a couple volunteer tickets that are free if I can get two and a half hours of work outta folks either on set up or breakdown. And that is what has allowed me to not break myself. I've tried doing this party a couple times just totally by myself and good lord, I was sick for a week afterwards 'cause I just didn't sleep for two whole weekends. Typically when everybody leaves on Saturday night, we just start cleaning. And last night, which is what we did, yeah. Last night there was a whole, a bunch of people, not even just the volunteers, just people hanging out. 'cause it's a kind of a fun little social scene to just be around and 35 hours to set up and break down. And bless, bless the volunteers. I'm sure some of them will be listening to this. Bless. It's a real community. I think

Cece 16:05

that's the other thing is I've actually connected with a lot of my best friends. Totally just from I met 'em at Glow parties, but I didn't really know how to communicate. I couldn't get to them. 'cause you don't trade phone numbers typically, and or if you do you don't have pen and paper. You just don't do it. But you have pants. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. And then but yeah, but just I connected with a lot of people just from the chat. And then I find that at the parties, there's a group of people that know each other and there's always new people and there's people that come from everywhere. They consistently will travel to wherever the parties are 'cause they're so good. And then even though there's people that know each other, they're not cliquey. They're not like, I'm just gonna hang around with the people I know. So it's, that's so think it's very unique. That's very unique. Some folks from LA

Ian 16:44

came up for this and that was something they immediately said towards the end of the party, they went, oh my God, I can't believe how un clicky this was. Yes. Every party where you, we go to, it's always the same people. There's the cliques and everything. And I think it really helps that a lot of these people have it. It's. Some word of mouth, but a lot of it is just reaching out to random people from Cassidy, from Reddit, from Fe life. And I'm relatively choosy about who catches an invite, but I'll put out feelers sometimes as a, test the waters and people are coming from random corners enough that the cliques, yeah. Even with people who have been coming a while, it still doesn't feel cliquey. There's groups of friends, but it doesn't feel exclusive at all. I really love that. I

Cece 17:27

think it's very welcoming.

Jolie 17:28

But again, I don't think that's an accident so one of the things I fell in love with Ian about is he doesn't really make money on these. This is not what I watch happen, both, like what I was saying before is like from the initial moment that somebody gets a ticket to this party then through the, after that they get an email inviting them to join a community. Yes. That they then can almost debrief the experiences you've seen it already, like people are already talking about. And then you're a part of this community that you then can, check in and you feel welcomed, which I think creates this bigger sense of welcome and which then opens people up to, oh, maybe I can explore more. Maybe I do wanna go again. Maybe there's something else out there.

Tramp 18:13

Yeah. Not just the community, but the format and everything else. You have made it this all inclusive, wonderful place where people can be themselves. And personally, I just wanna say thank you. Cece and I were talking on the car ride over this morning, and. I've been to a lot of parties, I've been to the resorts, I've been to the takeovers. And I can honestly say this blew all of them out of the water. Thanks.

Ian 18:42

I'm pretty proud of it. One of my guiding principles in life is just chasing fun. And somebody last night specifically said, oh my God, this was so sexy and so fun. And those two words together is something that I think people take sex so seriously sometimes. And it's just serious business, don't get me wrong. But people just take themselves so seriously. Take the world around them so seriously and one of the things in the consent talk and orientation that I really highlight is please release the inner child here. Go be silly, have fun. Like anybody can be sexy, but making it fun with the sexy is. The much more unique experience and that has been so much of the goal of this is focus on the connection building and the fun, the sex is gonna happen.

Cece 19:31

It's so funny that last night I heard I think a hundred times, this is so fun. Oh my god, this is so sexy. All night long, random people were like, were sitting around like. This is a lot of fun. It was really great. I was thinking about the

Jolie 19:45

first party you and I went to. Oh. And it was my very first low party. Yes. And

Cece 19:51

I knew I was wanting to meet you, but I didn't know it was you.

Jolie 19:54

Yeah, that's right. Yeah. 'cause we had a mutual connection and we were having fun and I looked up and all of a sudden I counted, there were like 14 people all together in this orgy experience and somebody just shouts out of the middle of it. I love my life. Yes. And someone said, me too. And we just started laughing and stuff like that happens at every single party. Yes. Where it just, people just crack jokes in the middle of big orgy ex experiences. It's so fun.

Ian 20:25

Can we share the hilarious and random moments from last night specifically with. You and your ex, and

Jolie 20:34

Which hilarious moment was my ass.

Ian 20:38

Aliza ex flew across the country from Connecticut over here with his girlfriend to join this party. And Julie and he are on great terms. They've been good friends for a long time. And later in the evening, just one of those moments you're just like, is this even happening right now? After we had all I think everybody had come once, there was all sorts of craziness. At least once Jolie just grabbed my cock and aimed it at her ass and we started like slowly easing in there and just, it takes a minute to really get after it. And so in that warmup period, her ex is just laying there at the other end of the bed and they're chatting. Just this ridiculous moment of they're whispering quietly, what were you guys talking about? A, as I'm in your ass easing into your first double penetration of your life last night, trying to get you prepped up for that. What were you guys talking about?

Jolie 21:32

We were just having this very sweet conversation about how much we are like connecting with our persons, like his girlfriend, and I'm connecting with you and like how happy we are with each other. As Ian is, he's what are you talking about? Just keep going. I'm having a very meaningful conversation

Tramp 21:53

and it's just so much fun. I realized that running an event of this magnitude is not just a physical load, but a mental load. But it was so good later on the evening you guys came and joined us in one of the larger rooms and just to hang out and it was heartwarming to just see you guys be able to relax and just enjoy the moment. And I know personally I would be a bundle of nerves just trying to manage every single aspect. And that's also can be contributed to the community that you fostered. Ian.

Ian 22:30

I can trust everybody to step away and be able to enjoy myself at a party, which I think is really rare. I've talked to other party organizers and they're like, oh no, you don't get to fuck at your party. Oh hell no. You gotta manage things. And this is a party where I trust this group. And it's an evolving group, but there's always new people. I typically say it's about a third first timers at the party each time. I can just trust that I can step away from this and people aren't gonna burn the house down while I'm upstairs trying to get my rocks off. And that has consistently proven true. This has been this strange faith in humanity restored type of thing where I've been so impressed by everyone's responsible behaviors throughout, in four big cities now. Everybody has just been consistently amazing. And yeah, we get to go play after a little bit. I can let my guard down and relax and know that everything's being taken care of. And till the morning. Then some work,

Tramp 23:30

there's probably that moment where you're in the afterglow, just basking of how awesome this night has been. And then there's that one moment of realization, you're like, and now it's back to work.

Cece 23:42

I feel like there are several periods of after. And then I saw people starting to clean up and stuff like towards the wee hours they were getting up and being responsible and we were still hanging out. But do we wanna talk at all about the workshop And we, I

Tramp 23:54

absolutely. So that was one thing, and I'll let Julie talk about this a lot more in depth, but as an add-on as a value add, I guess you could say there was a workshop that you, my dear presented. And it was informative and sexy and really opened my eyes to some stuff.

Jolie 24:15

Oh, that's so good to hear.

Ian 24:16

If I might interject just a quick little background. So we've got this 300 person email list and telegram group. And we typically have this house set up for an event like this we set it up Friday afternoon and we break it down Sunday afternoon. And there's this gap on Saturday where a. We have a house that's pretty empty. We have some idle time. Typically, we've gone out to nature to fill that time and relax a little bit. But as these parties have evolved, there's been folks who have said, Hey, while we have this space and you have people in the vicinity for this, what if we kept the momentum going and had something during the day clinic, workshop, all this? And multiple people have brought this concept enough to where it's oh we ought to do this. And this is something that Julie will talk about is something that started informally as she was sharing her background with people at the party, during the party, and then enough people wanted to engage. It's oh, this maybe needs to be a total separate thing.

Jolie 25:14

I guess so I have a little bit of a confession, so you all are unapologetic swingers, and I'm an accidental swinger, so there's our podcast. This, I did not identify as a swinger at all until recently, where I guess I was like, wow, I guess I can't explain otherwise. Is that just a

Tramp 25:33

light bulb moment? You're like huh? Yeah. Okay. I get it now. Yeah. And then you're like, oh, now I really get it.

Ian 25:38

It was forced on her. There was a pineapple stencil that was, I think that was the moment of. Oh no. Am I a swinger now?

Jolie 25:45

It's, does this, do you just get a card and it's a, and it happens to be body painting. So it's a

Speaker 3 25:49

scarlet letter. You have to get a tattoo.

Jolie 25:52

Oh, is that next? Alright. No, so my background actually, I am really embedded in the kink community. And so for many years now I've been really involved in that space. And I helped to teach classes on consent on impact play and fire play actually is something else that I often am a demo bottom for. And it was actually in that context that he and I deepened our relationship at a festival. So when I first came to these parties I wasn't used to the dynamic of swingers and how you all negotiate, how you all come together in these spaces. And again. Ian's parties are most of my contexts now for the swinger space. But I love teaching kink. I love doing impact play. I love giving people especially female bodied people, but actually any bodied person language to describe what they want and the experience they want to have. And it doesn't have to be kink focused, so what I taught yesterday was my Intro to Impact play class that I have developed. I play with the top who's incredible and teaches these and he has bestowed his wisdom on me of many years of teaching these classes. And when I watched people walk out of those classes where we've taught them before, it's actually very similar space as how I watch people walk out of Ian's parties, which is, oh, I have a new framework to think about what I enjoy. And new ideas of things to explore and new connections. So I taught my Intro to Impact play class and it's just such a hoot to teach in part because I get to have a demo bottom, like Ian and I get to have him straddle a massage table and make his cute butt paint.

Ian 27:31

This was the first being a proper bottom for a public scene. And it was fun.

Cece 27:36

It was fun. It was very

Ian 27:37

different.

Cece 27:38

I'm so curious what your takeaways were, like, what you liked about it? You know what, I had no idea what to expect and I thought I've done impact play before, but I, never thought of any of those things. We never didn't discuss it, none of that stuff. It was just one of the things that you do. So I just learned a lot about, the language you mentioned. And really how things could be and like it just. Opened my eyes. I'm like, wow.

Ian 27:59

We were debriefing the language part in particular last night in bed. We were running through terms and as things would come up, people would shout out, Hey, what does this mean? What does that mean? And brat came up, brat and it was, okay, what's brat?

Jolie 28:13

Yeah. So there's a lot of language in kink that I think sometimes kinda makes it unaccessible to people. They don't know what you mean when you say top or dumb or sub or masochist, sadist switch, all these terms that I think unless someone has sat down and taught you or you've done your own, Googling. But one of the terms people I think actually identify outside of that is the term bratty. And that's like when you get sassy with the person you're playing with. To egg them on.

Tramp 28:37

Egg them on, yeah. You're looking for a reaction. Exactly. Or they're looking for a reaction from you rather.

Jolie 28:42

And one of the very first doms I had who I credit with a lot, he was an incredible dom. I identify as a switch. So I do both. Topping and bottoming, which means I both deliver impact and also enjoy receiving it. But he sat me down the first time we played and we talked for three hours. Because he was not willing to play with me unless we had a really clear understanding and really great communication. And he was like, so what do you like to do? And I was like, oh, I like to get bratty. And he was like, stop. We're gonna put that word in a box and I want you to tell me why do you get bratty? And I'd never thought about it before, like, why in that sexual encounter what am I up to? He's what are you looking for? And I said I'm, I think I'm looking to get more intensity because I think I'm going into my head and I just wanna be in my body. And so I get bratty to elicit more response, as you were saying from whoever I'm playing with. And he's okay, don't do that. Just ask for what you want. He goes, Good girls get what they ask for. And which has been like a motto of my life now.

Tramp 29:43

I heard you say those exact words yesterday afternoon and a light bulb just went off. I'm like, holy shit.

Ian 29:49

I was sitting next to Jolie looking at the rest of the group and everybody had that light bulb moment. Yeah. It was really great. Of you're ratting to elicit a response and Yeah. Wanna just ask 'cause

Jolie 30:01

you want, yeah. You want more intensity, right? The brattiness is to like, get everyone's energy up. 'Cause he's like, when you're getting Brad I don't know. I'm guessing Yeah. What you want then. And that's so hard as a top or as a dom it's so hard to guess what the person who's acting bratty wants, he's but if you tell me, I'll give it to you. Yeah. And I was like, oh, okay. The shivers. The shivers. Yeah. You know

Cece 30:23

what it is though? It's just, the communication is so important. Yeah. And being able to do that before and not guessing. Really you can apply that to everything. Yeah. And it's good to ask for what you want.

Ian 30:33

Be able to do that. In that consent talk, we highlight communication so much, and I can't do more than broach the topic, but just really encouraging to people to over communicate is something that as you're stepping into the lifestyle, we've all seen it under communication results and bigger challenges and just really, hitting people upside the head with that word and the different ways to communicate throughout the night, throughout the weekend goes a long ways. Giving people a good foundation. There's so many people who are first timers into this and. We're doing it's a little community service to Give more than just a play party, but some structure and foundation to not just this experience, but future experience

Jolie 31:18

and language. I think, again, yes, you can't, you cannot ask for what you want if you don't know how to describe it. Or talk about your experience. This is something that happens pretty frequently for Ian, is that somebody recently approached him who's come to a couple of parties and said, thank you so much for talking about fawning. So when Ian does the consent talk, he talks about and describes what fawning is in response to somebody asking you to do something that you may or may not know you wanna do, and you just go along with it to try to please them, even though you don't know, it's a shutdown experience.

Ian 31:49

Fawning is the couple that. The guy is really interested in playing with this other couple, and the woman is not saying no, but clearly a little withdrawn. Not really. Yeah. The body language enthusiastic. It's the in between where you haven't said no, but you're fawning to keep your partner happy. You're taking one for the team maybe, and these are things that we've probably all seen, but putting a word to it is something that repeatedly, as you said, folks have been like oh my God, now I know how to describe this. And it's more of a conscious thing to be aware of.

Cece 32:24

Yeah. And that both people are responsible for recognizing it, not just the person fawning. Yeah. It's really

Jolie 32:30

hard when you are in the space of fawning and you're uncomfortable. And you're uncomfortable, it's really hard to then say, stop,

Ian 32:35

fight, flight or freeze. Yeah. We now have freeze in there as a third option for our base drives. And that's exhibited there, right?

Jolie 32:43

Yeah. He has people come to him and say, thank you so much for. Giving me that language 'cause then all of a sudden your experiences are like, oh, it's not just me. There's something wrong with me. It's oh, there's a word for what I'm experiencing and now I can describe it and now I can make a choice.

Tramp 32:59

Now, Ian, you said something very important, on the podcast we constantly hammer on communication. And it just comes up organically every single episode.

Speaker 3 33:08

Mm-hmm.

Tramp 33:08

Without fail. Whether it's one of those buzzwords, sure you can call it a buzzword, but it's critical. Yeah. It is not optional. Whether you are a partnered couple and having that open communication with each other truly open about your wants and desires, but also with your play partners. And especially in this, which is much more of a group dynamic. It is so critical. And it makes just everything better. It makes everything flow.

Jolie 33:42

I think people are afraid, communication's gonna break the mood or be unsexy. And again, I think sometimes it's because people dunno how to ask for what they want. They don't have the language for it. But I think it can be some of the

Cece 33:53

best foreplay.

Tramp 33:55

So Julie, you had asked earlier what my takeaway was. Yeah. And while I can honestly say I'm not comfortable delivering impact. I realize that is a limitation of my own. I never want to cause anyone pain, even though my partner may want that. And that's a mental hurdle. That I want to elevate myself past, and I know it takes practice and patience,

Jolie 34:25

but here's the thing I would actually say yes, is that just might not be something you wanna do. You just might not want to do that. It's like any other act in the playful world of sex. We get to be engaged in that just might not be your thing

Tramp 34:42

I would say yes and no, me personally speaking is anybody who's listened knows that I'm a pleaser.

Cece 34:49

Yeah.

Tramp 34:50

And that gives me that extra little bit of motivation to break through that self-imposed limit. And you are absolutely correct. You should never do anything you are not truly comfortable with.

Jolie 35:02

Yeah. Yeah. And I think sometimes, people come to these classes and, 'cause I've seen it before then they, because try it. And they're just like, I cannot get into a place where I feel safe, comfortable, interested in doing this. And I think that actually is something I missed saying yesterday is actually you have all the permission in the world to not enjoy this, not wanna do this and this to be a no for you in your experience with anyone you play with. So I actually really appreciate you saying that,

Ian 35:26

but of course, big high five to even being here and giving it a try. Yeah. Even if it's not your thing,

Cece 35:31

just to learn about it.

Ian 35:32

There's people who leave these parties pretty early in the night 'cause they go, oh. This isn't my thing. I thought I might like it. And I oftentimes debrief that, Hey, I saw you left really early. Is everything okay? And they're like, yeah. It just wasn't my thing. And I always say, Hey, I'm just proud of you for dipping your toes in, giving it a try. Yeah. That's all we can ask.

Jolie 35:52

The other thing I would offer up is that next time you're in town, if you would like to practice on somebody who's really good at communicating and like telling you like, Hey, that's great. That's not great. 'cause I think it is hard, especially, when you're using a flogger or a crop on somebody for the first time, it is this kind of thing to overcome. I'm about to hit somebody that I like. What does that mean? And we talked about that in the class a little bit yesterday about, as this strong, independent, fiercely powerful woman that I like to be tied up and hit. What the hell does that about? You

Tramp 36:23

forgot sexy, by the

Jolie 36:24

way. Oh, thank you. And understanding my own journey to understand what that's about for me. It's really challenging, I think, especially in a heteronormative dynamic for a male bodied person to be like, yes, I'm now going to hit this woman. Something I've been told my whole life. Do not hit women. And now she's please hit me

Cece 36:46

please. That was super enlightening actually. I'm really glad you shared that. Your viewpoint and why Yeah. What motivates people? 'cause there's a lot of guilt too, you think why am I, why do I fantasize about that? Does that mean that something's wrong with me, so it's,

Jolie 36:59

And I think from the person, using the implement, it is scary the first time you do it. And it's scary to do it to somebody who you care about. 'cause A, you don't wanna hurt anyone, and B, you don't wanna hurt someone you care about. So I offer, because I'm pretty good at receiving I offer up my booty next time you're in town. If you would like to practice on somebody in a, I

Tramp 37:16

think I would like to explore that. Yeah. Both ways. Yeah. To be perfectly honest.

Ian 37:20

And that's the best way to understand it, is to experience it directly. That made me so much more comfortable in well beyond just BDSM, impact play. You have to experience both sides of it. Yeah. Ari especially, that is a big thing that I specialize in. And I have so much fun in the process of tying somebody up and so rarely have engaged in being suspended myself. During COVID actually okay, 10 full days of isolation, can't leave the house. I'm going stir crazy after I'm not sick anymore and just started doing self suspension a bunch, each day would do one or two self suspensions on myself. And that just helped so much in that direct understanding of being on the receiving end of it. And that strongly influenced how I do it now and the extra attention to detail. Anybody can swing a flogger, anybody can swing a paddle, I know, but the beauty of it is. No, turning it into the art form, the nuance of it that, you can't have it unless somebody can tell you that was nice. But when you know exactly the pressure and the snap, that's when it really becomes a beautiful thing. Yeah. And

Jolie 38:28

for your listeners who don't know what ChAARI is, Ari is like beautiful rope tying around the body. And Ian does this. He is a real expert at it. He's a master. Oh, he's really at, he's such a master. And actually Friday night did a beautiful rope tying of me, suspended me, and then proceeded to fuck me in front of everyone was still at the party suspended. It was spectacular.

Ian 38:51

So Jolie and one other participant and longtime friend and partner of mine expressed several parties ago, an interest in having a party favor experience of being suspended in the middle of the party and engaging in some level of free use fantasy. And this was a chance for Jolie to be suspended. And per some of our previous negotiation, I was able to the 10 or so people who were left at the party late night, I was able to say, Hey no penetration. But Jolie is open to being groped fondled as I'm having sex with her and being able to spin her around and just have this little party favorite thing, it was, that was a trip. That was a real trip to be able to do. I loved it and I dunno, what'd you think?

Jolie 39:43

It actually comes back all the way to what I was talking about around how is like this strong feminist powerful woman, I like to be. Tied up. And what does that mean? And it's this place of when I found that I deeply trust my partner deeply trust the person I'm playing with that I finally get to surrender. And so much of my life I am on, I am the person in charge. I'm thinking of all the logistics. I'm thinking of everything that comes next. My brain is just so loud and there's so few times I get to just drop into my body. And I was completely in my body. And I felt incredibly safe to do so because I knew Ian would take really good care of me. And it's such a gift. Yeah.

Tramp 40:25

Julie, that is truly beautiful. Thank you for sharing that. But I just truly want to thank both of you guys for being so open and honest and loving and welcoming. This has been personally speaking and for the rest of the Denver crew that came out just a truly amazing experience. Now, I know our listeners, some of them are probably gonna be very interested. So Ian, if you have a way for them to get in contact with you for the potential of attending a future event. Yeah. I'll just give you the floor for a minute and how can people reach you?

Ian 41:05

So probably the easiest would be my Ari account on Instagram. That is trouble. PNW. That has a lot of my rope work on there, but I also advertise the parties and that's just an easy place to reach out. You can probably reach out to these guys as well for additional information, but I don't unfortunately have a specific website to direct people towards. I guess I can throw out my telegram username as well at Oregon. Ian. One word, Oregonian. Basically, I was real stoked on that one and this is something that I'm still trying to figure out if I want to try and make this a proper business. I'm on a fun employment journey that just reached one year right now burning some savings and deciding to go back to work in the daily grind or try and make a fun thing. A business is still a choice that I'm grappling with. I think there's. Regional momentum here, which is really fun to explore. But it's really appealing to consider this as something that could be a traveling road show. And we've talked about bringing this to Colorado. And then. I've even thought of what if I just had two big boxes and was able to ship these to your address and then you guys can do this party your way, your group, I don't need to be involved, just, ship the box back there's a bunch of paints that I don't need back, but a big bundle of lights and sheets. You just send me all your dirty sheets and I'll pull all the cock rings and condoms outta there and throw 'em away before taking them to the laundromat. Basically just a plug and play party that people, can do this. I recognize that throwing this concept out to the masses, it's an easily applicable party that anybody could do. But as we've discussed, there's a certain character that I think is a little bit tougher to replicate. And my own little secret sauce that I also have to give a huge amount of credit for to heading off on a little tangent here. But, julie and I have been partnered for about 10 months now and she's done a immense amount of work in revamping some of the things that I was doing. A little clumsily the consent talk in particular, but it has its charm there. There's also several partners, proceeding Jolie, who had a huge influence on this party. I'm just the fool who's willing to stay up till 5:00 AM breaking down a party and, busting my butt to make all the logistics work. But really the brains of the operation, I have to give most credit to some of the people who have been in my sphere currently and in the past for making this what it is. The character of this I can't take credit for that. It's a group effort.

Tramp 43:58

I can honestly say from the Colorado contingent and our core listener bases out there, I certainly have high hopes that I can convince you guys to come out and do an event in Colorado.

Ian 44:11

We've been discussing it since you brought that up, and I don't think you have to do much convincing. We'll figure on that. We'll, at

Tramp 44:17

2026

Ian 44:17

here, and we're

Cece 44:18

gonna have a little field trip from our Pacific Northwest contingent out there. I wouldn't have it

Tramp 44:24

any other way.

Ian 44:25

If y'all are in Seattle, Eugene Bend, or Portland and you wanna come join this, we have a pretty good crew established in each of those places. You can feel free to reach out and say, Hey, I, I heard you on this thing. I'd like to join. Let me know a little bit about you in that initial message there's a lot of folks who come out of the woodwork sometimes, but we're very open to opening up new doors for folks who are fun. Yeah, people be fun. Oh, everyone loves fun and good people,

Jolie 44:57

but that's it. People aren't asking to come to a sex party. People are asking to join the community, which is a different thing. That's

Tramp 45:02

different. Yeah. Yeah. The culture Yeah. That you have created.

Cece 45:05

Yeah.

Tramp 45:06

And guys, just thank you. I could spend hours and hours talking to you guys about all the aspects and all the nitty gritty, but unfortunately we have a plane to catch here pretty soon. So really quick, I'm gonna do a spot for one of our sponsors, which is the Scarlet Ranch. Scarlet Ranch's, north America's premier, upscale, private lifestyle destination. If you've been listening to the show, you may know many of our guests are regulars there. It's no wonder why picture this. Two incredible bars, fun games, a top-notch restaurant, and both spacious, open and private social areas downstairs for when the night gets a little steamier ready to level up your nightlife. Visit scarlet ranch.com and let your next adventure begin. But guys just in closing, are there any words of wisdom or goodbyes or anything of that nature that you just wanna shout out to the universe?

Ian 46:05

I want to know your favorite part.

Jolie 46:07

I know that's what I was like. We didn't get to hear your favorite part of last night. Oh my.

Tramp 46:12

You're putting me on the spot here. There were so many. As I said earlier, this has been my favorite to date, single experience. That means a lot wholeheartedly. I've been to desire, I've been to house parties, I've been to takeovers, and there was something special, truly special here. And again, it's just a testament to the culture and community. I think, meeting Cece when she came through Denver a couple months ago it just butterfly effect. It's just one thing leads to another. Is it was meant to be. Personally speaking, I have to say, when things slowed down and everything was feeling just so good. The energy in the room. There were big puppy piles everywhere.

Speaker 3 47:05

Mm-hmm.

Tramp 47:05

And there was still some people playing a little bit and it was fun to watch but being able to, just immerse yourself in that amazing energy.

Ian 47:17

We joke a lot about how midway through the night you're caught up in the buzz and the energy and it's oh, it feels like an MDMA trip. It feels like I am in the middle of a moderately significant dose and I am pretty still cold sober. Like I had a beer last night and then later in the evening that melty pile that you're talking about exactly tracks the end of an MDMA trip of now all the oxytocin is dumping. And I'm just in this big cuddle puddle with a bunch of, friends, new and old. To get that high on life on sexy and fun. Like it it's really amazing. Okay. We got these substances that are trying to mirror what this group has managed to create naturally. It's just a beautiful thing. And it's a trip.

Cece 48:12

Yes. And I have met really some of my best friends, my most treasured connections through, really through your parties and what the people that I met and connected with and stayed connected with after

Ian 48:22

That's what keeps me doing this and busting my butt and just getting so exhausted after some of these is hearing those little gems and seeing people who didn't know each other previous to, last month's party show up to this party together. Chatting and happy and it's just getting to build that connection. The extrovert in me is just so happy.

Tramp 48:45

Guys, if you would like to reach us, our website is unapologetic swingers.com. We can be reached at unapologetic swingers@gmail.com, and wherever you happen to be listening to us, just leave us a review, drop us an email we're always taking ask us anything questions that we tend to do at the end of each episode. Those have been lacking recently, but really just thank you. Thank you to Ian and Jolie for taking the time and letting me experience this weekend. It was. Altering in the best possible way. So

Ian 49:23

wonderful to have you and your crew here. Yeah, it was such a blast. We will be back. Yay.

Cece 49:30

So until the next time, I'm Cece and I'm the tramp. Be sexy, be

Tramp 49:36

confident,

Cece 49:37

be unapologetic.