Unapologetic Swingers: Epsiode 43 - The Merge Lane: Exploring New Experiences

Ariel and the Tramp talk about our unique dynamics and the new experiences we've come across within the lifestyle so far.  

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Transcript

Ariel 0:05

Welcome back to Unapologetic Swingers. I'm Ariel.

Tramp 0:08

And I'm The Tramp. And I know I say this every single episode, but truly, thank you for coming on this journey with us as we explore the lifestyle, the highs and lows, and everything in between

Ariel 0:23

Yes. Thank you for having me as your co-host and I think this is going forward in an official capacity. We have not forgotten about J and L, who we greatly miss having locally, but they are off on their new adventures on the West Coast, and we are truly hoping to get connected with them for the next episode to hear about some of their new sexy, fun adventures out there.

Tramp 0:49

It's amazing to quote Jimmy Buffett, "Changes in latitudes, changes in attitudes," is one of his famous songs. And it's really true, at least the lifestyle goes, when you go to a different geographical location, the lifestyle environment can be very different, whether it's here in Colorado or in the past I've traveled to Vegas, for example. They have a slightly different lifestyle environment. And just looking at the statistics I get on the podcast, I know we have listeners from Canada, the UK.

Ariel 1:23

Australia.

Tramp 1:24

Australia, and-

Ariel 1:25

Tanzania

Tramp 1:27

And it would be amazing to hear from you guys what your standard club experience is.

Ariel 1:35

Yeah, and since this episode is gonna delve into the dynamics that people develop in the lifestyle and how it looks at our club locally, love to hear what the common dynamics or boundaries look like internationally.

Tramp 1:55

Yes. I've heard very different things from clubs, say, in Paris or Amsterdam versus what is, commonly considered, I guess, appropriate-

Ariel 2:05

Yes

Tramp 2:06

here in the United States. So we'd love to hear from you guys. But not to get too far off topic, as Ariel mentioned, we're really forming this episode on what we've come to know as her and I's club experience now.

Ariel 2:24

Yeah, and how we're shaping our own personal dynamic in the lifestyle and how we're gonna move through this world together. Mm-hmm. And I personally feel like it's been so fun and exciting to get new experiences once again. Not that you're not always having new experiences in the lifestyle, I feel like, but to be experiencing that with a new partner who has kind of opened up some new things for me.

Tramp 2:55

And likewise you for me. But we're also throughout this episode gonna sprinkle in some pro tips because we know that there are a lot of couples or even individuals that are interested in the lifestyle that may listen, and there's gonna be a certain amount of trepidation whenever you have your first club experience- Mm whether you be a single or with your partner.

Ariel 3:21

Yeah. And when we say single, I want to reiterate that that can also mean a woman. I think most people tend to automatically assume that it's a single guy, but I know personally, let's say at the ranch, Thursday night is ladies nights. They get in for free if you didn't know. You just have to pay your yearly membership fee. But you see quite frequently, and I've met quite frequently, single women there, and that's a whole nother ballgame. But to kind of circle back, just rediscovering new exciting things that can happen.

Tramp 3:59

New experiences.

Ariel 4:00

Yeah, new experiences that I don't think I thought were a possibility or really on the menu for me.

Tramp 4:10

Now, it's also important to mention, if you haven't listened to previous episodes, that Ariel, and myself have been in the lifestyle for, about five years each now. So we were in with previous partners in previous relationships, and while we're kind of merging and exploring our dynamic, it's been so much fun not only to rediscover certain things, but also to form, our brand new foundation or basis.

Ariel 4:49

Yeah. I, don't wanna say that I'm bringing in new desires or wants, but maybe rediscovering some that had been thought about or talked about in the past with a previous partner, just were not on his agendas.

Tramp 5:06

Right,

Ariel 5:07

priorities. And, and that is how relationships work. And, especially in the lifestyle, you really both have to hopefully want and kind of desire the same things, at least on an overall basis, for certain situations to come about and work well. And, I'm not sure how much has been talked about in the past about the drag along partner or taking one for the team partner kind of situations that I think we see frequently occur in the lifestyle, especially with newer couples. And learning now in my new relationship with The Tramp that so far I think we are very aligned in the types of things we enjoy and the types of experiences we want from our journey. And I mean, you spoke about Amsterdam, and talk about couple goals. I think I've already mentioned a few times that heading to Amsterdam, not just for a fun vacation, but to maybe explore a little bit of what kind of fun lifestyle things are out there.

Tramp 6:15

There are so many destinations that definitely cater, whether it's here in the States or Mexico or Europe. Mm-hmm. And I know I'm not forgetting our friends down in Australia, which we have a ton of listeners, as it turns out.

Ariel 6:31

Yeah. So- And I know almost nothing about what the lifestyle community looks like in Australia, and I would be so fascinated to hear from one of our listeners if they were willing to share anonymously, however that looks. But yeah, I think, you know, learning new things is powerful.

Tramp 6:51

Mm-hmm. Now why don't we dive right into it?

Ariel 6:55

Okay.

Tramp 6:55

And I know as we were discussing previously, one thing that we have both immensely enjoyed is our encouragement of each other.

Ariel 7:08

Yeah, absolutely. It's a very freeing feeling when you truly see with words and actions that your partner wants you to be your fully authentic, happy, sexy, confident self.

Tramp 7:27

I want Ariel to be the best version of herself. I love it when she dresses sexy and really pushes herself out of her own comfort zone, let's just say, and is able to embrace the sexual being that she is.

Ariel 7:46

And I would say the same right back to the champ. I mean, I've watched the way women watch you when we are standing together, and, you've got a nice pair of pants on and finally decide partially through the night or sometimes even way early in the night that the shirt is just not working anymore. And boy, am I taking that off as quickly as he allows. So, I think it goes both ways. I think men in the lifestyle, especially when they are attracted to their partner and love their partner, they're pushing their partner to truly be all that they are and embrace all that they are. But I think women in the lifestyle are also quite frequently pushing their partner, to also embrace their own sexiness and their own confidence. Because I think as we've kind of discovered just in these last several months, that when we show up pushing, I think, each other to be our most confident, sexy selves in those environments, it attracts a level of good vibes or something. I'm not really even sure how to explain it, but we've just discovered that, wow, the, magnetic attraction that we have found from other people there at the club that maybe we've seen individually now want to talk to us.

Tramp 9:20

I would call that couple energy. Yeah. So we've all seen that couple at the club where you can tell without a doubt that they love each other deeply, that they are connected, that they are on the same page, and this can dovetail into a newbie pro tip would be when you're going to a club, be on the same page.

Ariel 9:44

Yeah, and have the hard conversations about... I mean, I think we all understand that talking and fantasizing are two totally different things than actually experiencing it in real life. But if you can at least go in with a good groundwork laid, I think it can make for a much better experience. Be open to what organically can come about. Sure. But truly understanding, like, are we going in with the idea that we're ready for full swap? Are we going in With the idea that we just wanna flirt and be sexy and maybe get attention from other people, and then take it home or downstairs.

Tramp 10:29

Yes. Downstairs is always fun.

Ariel 10:31

Yeah.

Tramp 10:31

But I think we have successfully become that couple, 'cause we are on the same page. We allow each other to explore and be our, authentic selves. But as Ariel said, good energy attracts. And when you see that couple from across the club, and there's just something about them, something almost magnetic where you say to your partner, "Hey, we really need to go meet those guys."

Ariel 10:58

Mm-hmm.

Tramp 10:59

Not only are they dressed well they're just exuding this positive attracting energy.

Ariel 11:06

Yeah, and I think we both have discovered within ourselves and as a couple that, hmm, I would clearly state that physical touch is probably our number one love language together, and that clearly shows at the club. And even if we're engaged in other conversations, we've had moments where I can remember that we were a couple feet away from each other. You're engaged in a conversation with people, I'm engaged in conversation with people, and I'm reaching out behind me just to touch you, just to connect with you on that physical level- Mm-hmm since that seems to mean so much to us.

Tramp 11:47

Right.

Ariel 11:48

And I think other people feel that. They see that.

Tramp 11:54

And they wanna come closer

Ariel 11:55

to that. Yes. They wanna be drawn into that circle of, "Woo. Like, if they're all over each other like that, what, what would happen if we were included?"

Tramp 12:04

Yeah, we had an experience-

Ariel 12:06

Yeah

Tramp 12:06

with a lovely couple where- it was a Friday night. It was a Friday night. I know a lot of people go to clubs on Saturday night because that's going to be the most popular night- Mm-hmm and most energy and the most people, et cetera, et cetera. But sometimes Friday nights are a sleeper.

Ariel 12:22

Yeah, I would agree. Yeah, we were on the back porch, as there is a nice little back porch area, and we were kind of just engaged in our own little world for a little bit.

Tramp 12:33

Yeah, and we were socializing with friends- Yeah and whatnot.

Ariel 12:37

But we saw this nice looking couple, and I think we both realized they were kind of staring, we were kind of staring, and- We

Tramp 12:46

just walked over and said hi.

Ariel 12:47

Yeah. Anybody who knows me or would ever meet me in real life would realize very quickly that I'm pretty direct and go for what I want pretty quickly. And it was that awkward kind of first, "Have we met? Have we talked?" Because as- if you go to clubs regularly, you meet a lot of people, and sometimes you forget if you've had true interactions with people. And f- minutes into the conversation, I realized I did know this couple, or at least the woman of this couple. Mm-hmm. I knew I had had some conversations with her, and they were always brief and kind of in passing, and so this was the first night that we had real... And I think we stood there for two hours maybe,

Tramp 13:35

like, Joe? It was a good while. Yeah. And, touch barriers were broken, and-

Ariel 13:40

Yes it was- Touch barriers were broken.

Tramp 13:45

And it was very, I wanna say, organic. There wasn't A destination. It was just a really good social interaction that definitely turned sexy.

Ariel 13:56

Yeah. I think as the Tramp has pointed out so many times when we're together, that I get away with things that he could never get away with.

Tramp 14:04

You're not wrong.

Ariel 14:05

And we have spoken to this couple, and they are completely okay with us sharing some details. And so I will just say that this lovely, beautiful woman has an incredibly amazing body and some of the best tits I've ever seen, and she was kind enough to let me feel them i- probably within 20 minutes of us starting to talk. And by my nature, I'm like, "Oh my God, babe. Tramp, please, you, can, can he please feel them as well? Because holy crap, they're amazing." It's always

Tramp 14:44

nice to be invited in.

Ariel 14:46

Yes. And, I think that was one of our first experiences together as a couple where we really kind of delved into interactions with another couple, and it really just felt organic. And- Yeah, it just

Tramp 15:01

flowed

Ariel 15:02

flowed and exciting and sexy, and-

Tramp 15:07

Left u- left us wanting more.

Ariel 15:08

Yeah. And, we were very graciously given the opportunity to have more experiences and interactions with this amazing couple.

Tramp 15:17

That brought something to mind is... And we do this very well, you want to a wing person for your partner And there have been instances where a couple struck up a conversation with you, and maybe I went to get us fresh drinks or whatever.

Ariel 15:38

Mm-hmm.

Tramp 15:39

And you make sure to include me right away.

Ariel 15:43

Oh, I'm so excited. I'm usually already talking about you before you get back. I'm like, "I can't wait for you to meet the tramp. He's on his way back." I'm continuously trying to engage them so that they don't walk away, which, I've been pretty lucky in that that doesn't happen very often. The minute you're back, I'm arm out reaching for you, "Come, come, come talk to them. Come, join this conversation and this fun time."

Tramp 16:08

And anyone who truly knows me knows how horrible I am with names. Let's be honest, we meet a lot of people, and anytime anybody's at a club, you're gonna meet a lot of people on any given evening, and it's something that I've constantly strived to get better at. Mm-hmm. Not having that goldfish brain where I forget their names within 10 seconds.

Ariel 16:31

Well, you've seen my trick, right?

Tramp 16:32

Yes.

Ariel 16:33

Yeah. Where somebody tells me their name, and I will literally out loud say, uh, let's just say their name is Reba, but I would be like, "Oh, okay, so like Reba McEntire." And so that's my little trick. I've worked in a lot of industries over the years where it benefits me to remember somebody's name, and that's a trick that I've learned over the years- Mm-hmm to, in real time, in front of them, associate their name with either somebody famous or something relatable.

Tramp 17:07

Right.

Ariel 17:07

And typically, I've found that it doesn't just work for me, but it ends up working in the reverse for them to also then remember my name, because I've done that, and they're going, "Oh, that's a really cool trick."

Tramp 17:22

I know I mentioned this earlier, but our dynamic it doesn't only encourage us on a personal level And on a partner level, but it goes a little deeper than that where we encourage each other to be the best version of ourselves.

Ariel 17:42

Yeah.

Tramp 17:43

We've all seen those couples, whether it be a new couple or sometimes it's an established couple, and if that's their dynamic, so be it. But these couples that they're clearly not on the same page, and their goals, quite frankly, are not the same.

Ariel 18:02

Yeah. It does make it much more difficult to connect with a couple as a couple if you aren't connected, either physically or emotionally and while there are nights and days where, you're just there to hang out and be part of the community and being your- Yeah, socialize socialize and be there to just relax, um, versus, I know that when you and I go, I feel like it is quite frequently more that we're going 'cause we wanna feel sexy, we wanna dress up, and whether that organically leads to something with another couple or another woman or whatever, I think we both go home a little bit more turned on than when we went.

Tramp 18:49

Well, that's gonna transition into my next point- Mm very nicely, and Elle has said this countless times in previous episodes, but don't go in with sexpectations.

Ariel 19:01

Yeah. Pro tip here.

Tramp 19:02

Yeah. We always tell each other, "Let's have an amazing evening, and it's all about us. We're gonna come in together, we're gonna leave together."

Ariel 19:11

Now, we might be bringing other people- with us, but we're leaving together.

Tramp 19:15

Right. And so that's the goal is let's just have a great, day, a great evening.

Ariel 19:23

Mm-hmm.

Tramp 19:23

However that looks. We're not going in with any preconceived notions, and if something doesn't happen, you don't allow yourself to be disappointed or let down that it didn't happen. And realistically, with new couples, I think that is a major hurdle where they walk through those doors hopefully they've done their boundaries talk and communicated properly And they walk through the doors with this expectation, "Oh, I'm gonna walk through the front doors and there's just gonna be an orgy, and I'm just gonna jump in."

Ariel 19:53

Yeah, and I, I'm gonna, dovetail off of that. Um, one of my personal experiences a couple years ago before I met the Tramp. I am a regular at the ranch. I have given tours before, and this one night, I believe it was a Saturday night, a very, very attractive couple was there. It was their first night, and I was asked to give them a tour, happily to do. And t- throughout the tour, I was chatting with them, come to realize that this was their very, first night stepping into anything lifestyle at all. They said they had briefly talked about things before and kind of touched base on little things. They were out for dinner, had some drinks, had a few more drinks, and kind of impulsively decided to show up at the ranch. Not that that is a problem, but they had not discussed real boundaries. They had not discussed real expectations, sex or otherwise.

Tramp 21:02

Or maybe for each other.

Ariel 21:03

Or for each other. I think they, like a lot of couples, came in with that sexy fantasy of finding the elusive unicorn who is going to be their third. And I quickly realized that that was their goal, and it was. It was a goal for them that night. And I gave my small sage advice of, "Hey, maybe just treat this tonight as an exploration together. Have fun, flirt, be sexy together, talk to people, but maybe don't do anything with anybody on the first night," especially since they had already told me that they didn't have any true boundaries set yet. And I've seen that go pretty sideways. I will say the funny part was, though, several hours later when I saw them again after I politely, went my own way- Yeah,

Tramp 22:08

excused yourself

Ariel 22:08

and let them do their own thing. I introduced them to a lot of people I knew so that they wouldn't feel awkward and, wallflower-ish. And with them being as attractive they were, I felt that they would probably have no issues. And I remember several hours later them finding me again at the bar in the front and approaching me very sweetly and kindly. That I was their choice for the night, quote-unquote, which is, uh, not to say it wasn't flattering-

Tramp 22:41

Right

Ariel 22:42

but it was slightly awkward. I wasn't sure if they thought that they were at a brothel where they just got to pick and choose who they- I choose

Tramp 22:50

you.

Ariel 22:50

I choose you. And I very politely declined and explained to them that number one, I don't do newbies because I've had some bad experiences, and number two, that I do need some sort of connection to enjoy myself, and especially putting myself in a situation where I would be a third as a partnered person would take a little bit more finagling, and that maybe if I saw them again, which by the way I never did ever see them again there, that maybe I would entertain that. But, uh, yeah, it was flattering but also slightly I'm gonna say that this is a pro tip. Don't show up at the ranch and talk to somebody, and then come back and tell them they've become your choice for the night. It is slightly, or could be taken very wrong by certain people.

Tramp 23:45

Yeah, you never know how someone is going to react.

Ariel 23:49

So I have kind of a different background that allows me to probably approach things quite differently. To be completely frank, I was a stripper on and off, for about eight years, and that has given me some tools in my box that allow me to politely- Decline get myself out of situations or, just conversations that go in a way Because of my background, I think it makes it a little easier for me, 'cause I, have talked to a lot of other women at the ranch that end up in conversations or situations where they don't know always how to politely decline as easily as I am able to. Some

Tramp 24:29

people have a problem saying no or simply withdrawing from a conversation. They're worried that the other person may be offended.

Ariel 24:38

Yeah, and I think that that is a good little tip to remember that consent given enthusiastically is the only type we should be hoping for.

Tramp 24:47

Mm-hmm.

Ariel 24:48

And I very much believe that that is a good basis to go into every lifestyle situation with, and I think that might lead you into something we were discussing earlier as well.

Tramp 25:02

Well, that, I know we're heavy on the pro tips here, but- Mm-hmm that story brings up two very important things for anyone in the lifestyle, in the club environment, or takeover or resort or whatever, a lifestyle destination, if you will. Mm-hmm. Doesn't matter if you're seasoned or if you're fresh, wide-eyed, have no idea what you're stepping into, is number one, don't overindulge. A, little bit of liquid courage is fine, but you don't wanna get to the point of being sloppy.

Ariel 25:39

Yeah.

Tramp 25:39

Personally speaking, if I'm talking with someone who is just over the top, it's not attractive.

Ariel 25:47

I would agree. I know for me, my personal boundary is if I don't think that you would do this sober, I don't really wanna do it with you. Right. And I've said that to quite a few people. "Hey, if you're actually this attracted to me, come at me sober or at least sober-ish. I understand needing some encouragement through whatever means that works for you, but I don't always want to be approached by somebody only when they are overly inebriated." Right. It doesn't feel genuine or authentic to me.

Tramp 26:23

That is spot on. The secondary thing is, and this is a lot more geared toward new couples, first-timers, is socialize. Don't be afraid to say hi. People in the lifestyle, broadly speaking, are very welcoming.

Ariel 26:41

We do not bite unless asked.

Tramp 26:45

And so we've, all seen those couples that, you know, they're tucked away on a couch, and just trying to take in the scene, and they don't dare talk to anyone. It's because they're fearful. They're not comfortable in the environment yet. So personally, I always make it my mission every night if I do see a couple and I've noticed them there, that they're not deep in conversation, they're not dealing with their own issue in that moment. But if, they're just kinda looking around-

Ariel 27:16

With that lost puppy look.

Tramp 27:18

With that... Yeah. I-

Ariel 27:18

I, we all know it and love it.

Tramp 27:20

Yeah. I will, stop by and say, "Hey, guys. My name's Tramp, and just so good to meet you," and try to break them out of that shell.

Ariel 27:28

And take them around our group of friends. I've done that many times. Um, I will say, though, I have met couples that are there just to be in the environment. And though those people do tend to have a different look, they don't quite have that lost puppy look, and sometimes there are couples that come, and it's totally okay to come and just kind of want to look around.

Tramp 27:56

Mm-hmm.

Ariel 27:57

And see what the vibe is, and get a feel for if they would even really want to be immersed into that type of community and environment. Sure. And I've met couples that show up, and they're like... "hey, we're just telling you, we are here just to feel sexy and to go fuck downstairs where there are no kids listening." "And we have no interest or desire to actually do anything with anybody else." Mm-hmm. And that's a totally acceptable thing in the community as well. Right. Sometimes we just wanna be where we feel free.

Tramp 28:32

Yes. Just to double down on my previous socializing pro tip is even if you're an established couple, talk to everyone. You never know where things are gonna lead. Talk to that super attractive couple where you may feel like they're out of your league. I don't care. Talk to the person that you've seen around the club, and maybe you don't run in the same social circle, but say hi, be friendly. It doesn't cost you anything to be welcoming.

Ariel 29:03

Well, thank goodness the Tramp believes in that, because we previously did not run in the same social circles exactly. We know lots of the same people, but had you not, and I'm gonna toot my own horn here, you sought me out, I would say, maybe in your own quiet, sweet way to accidentally fall into conversation with me well over a year, year and a half ago or whatever it is at this point. And had you not done that, we would not be sitting here right now.

Tramp 29:38

That's very true.

Ariel 29:40

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Tramp 30:29

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Ariel 31:21

Lots of adventures to come. So kind of circling back, I kinda wanted to talk about how we are shaping our own new dynamic in this. And one of the things that I need to give credit to The Tramp for, as he was kind of saying earlier, he likes for me to dress sexy. He-

Tramp 31:40

Oh, I love it

Ariel 31:41

he encourages me to, as he has said on many occasions now, "I just love when you're happy. I love the smile on your face when I see you truly enjoying yourself." And he can tell when I'm truly settling into my own, and as he's encouraging me to do things not necessarily way out of my comfort zone. But speaking of The Scarlet Ranch, they have two stripper poles, two little mini stages, and due to my background, as I've expounded on today, that I like to be up there in a small capacity. And some of our fun experiences have been chatting and talking with people that are a couple, and somehow it gets woven into the conversation that, "Hmm, have you, seen Ariel up there?" And then he's whispering in my ear, "Babe, babe-"

Tramp 32:49

Go do the thing.

Ariel 32:50

go do the thing."

Tramp 32:51

Well, it's one of those things that you really have to, witness to-

Ariel 32:58

And now I'm gonna get embarrassed

Tramp 32:59

appreciate. Because you're very social, you're very attractive, and you have fantastic energy But when you get up there, it's almost like this alter ego, this sexy Ariel emerges. And it's not to say that the energy is better or worse, it's just different. It is a definite, sexual aura that you can turn on and off like a light switch. And, from my own perspective, it is amazing to watch. I love it. I love- the way they watch you, the way they interact with you, and the way you interact with them.

Ariel 33:41

Well, I appreciate that. And due to your truly enthusiastic encouragement, I have been on those poles much more frequently than I ever have probably in the many years that I have been going to the ranch. And I am not complaining at all because it's been a fun experience for me, too. And as he could probably attest, even though I am maybe looking at whatever couple or friends or people that we're interacting with at that moment, when I lock eyes with you It is me basically saying, "Tonight, oof, you're getting some." And it's gonna be amazing, as always.

Tramp 34:35

And by the same token, you also encourage me more than you know.

Ariel 34:41

I hope so.

Tramp 34:42

You have the ability to healthily and respectfully kinda push me outta my comfort zone- Mm-hmm which I need from time to time. when I say I'm just The Tramp, I'm just The Tramp, 'cause we've talked with people who listen to the podcast, but they get this look in their eye as like, "That's you?" You know, "Am I actually talking to The Tramp right now?" And it's like, I'm, just me. The, this is my authentic self. This is just something that I and J and L and now Ariel just love doing.

Ariel 35:12

Yeah. And I... That's a funny little story. We actually just had that happen just about a week ago, where we were talking to some people that I've now introduced The Tramp to. Mm-hmm. They've been great friends of mine for a long time, and she and I have a great connection on a friendship level. And we were chatting, and I brought up the fact that you do this amazing podcast, and she said, "Oh, we don't really listen to podcasts, but on long drives, we'll throw this one on and listen to it sometimes." And then I was like, "Oh, well, you know, The Tramp's podcast is The Unapologetic Swingers, and I'm now new on it." And her eyes got so big, and she went, "What? Uh, did you say Unapologetic Swingers?" And you were like, "Well, yeah." And she goes, "Wait, you're The Tramp?" "Oh my goodness. That's, like, the only podcast we listen to. And not only do we listen to it, but we listen to it and we pause it and have great conversations about the subject matters." And it was a very reaffirming conversation to have, and I think- I love that you were slightly embarrassed, uh, but you did slip into your slightly more podcast voice, which was adorable.

Tramp 36:44

Well, it's funny. Oftentimes we have guests on that they are concerned about someone's gonna recognize my voice. I have a high-profile career and et cetera, and we respect those completely. But with all my airtime, I can tell you that my voice has only been recognized once, and that was down at Desire of all places.

Ariel 37:09

Interesting. For all of our local listeners or international, whatever listeners, if you're ever gonna be in the Denver area and you are interested, shoot us a line. We love interviewing people, and- Yes I'm excited to be able to do that for the first time with The Tramp.

Tramp 37:27

That's gonna be a lot of fun when it happens.

Ariel 37:29

Mm-hmm. To circle back I really love the encouragement piece of our dynamic. I know personally that I have come into my own quite a bit over the last few years. I've always been a very sexually forward person. I've always been very direct and transparent. But I feel like I'm coming into a new chapter as well with your encouragement and your push for me to so authentically myself, knowing that when I am truly happy, it just makes you happier.

Tramp 38:10

It does.

Ariel 38:11

And I think you're learning that I also feel the same, which is why I do gently encourage and kind of lead you in some ways, like the experience that I talked about earlier where, oh my goodness, you need to feel these boobs. 'Cause I know that you would've never asked on your own, and I think women probably do get away with a lot more in the lifestyle in general

Tramp 38:41

it is a little bit of a double standard

Ariel 38:43

there. It is. It is. And I think, women kind of run everything in the lifestyle. We are kind of the end-all, be-all to what's happening for most situations, and I recognize that I have a power dynamic that you do not. And because I enjoy watching you explore and flirt and be sexy with somebody else, if there is an opportunity for me to encourage you to act on what I'm already seeing in your eyes as a desire or want that you're probably not going to specifically voice to that person, I usually try to find a way pull you in a little more.

Tramp 39:28

And that not only expands to the one-on-one encouragement, but you can really think about that in the lifestyle as your entire life, not just emotionally, but physically.

Ariel 39:40

Oh, yeah.

Tramp 39:41

We really push each other, I think, to be the best version of ourselves.

Ariel 39:46

Mm-hmm

Tramp 39:47

I will oftentimes consult Ariel. It's like, "What would you like to see me in tonight?" Mm. "For this theme night?" Or I don't know, masquerade or you're just gonna dress to impress, you're gonna dress nicely.

Ariel 40:00

Yeah.

Tramp 40:01

And I know what I'd love to see you in. And if you'll indulge me in that, and what, can I do personally what would you like to see me in?

Ariel 40:11

Yeah, I think there is some disparity unfortunately that a lot of women put a lot of effort into being the best versions of themselves when they show up. They're in the sexy dress. They're in the sexy lingerie. They put on the heels that maybe they don't wanna be standing in for more than a couple hours, but they're gonna wear 'em. They wanna feel sexy because women in general, we use our clothing options- Yeah, or your lacks or lack of options to feel more confident. And I have quite frankly found that more men should be doing that as well, and the men who do it, as you do The nights when you take that extra step There is a level confidence that you exude and an extra level of sexiness that really speaks outwardly, not just to me, 'cause thankfully it is a lot for me, but for other people we meet.

Tramp 41:16

You know, it's interesting touching on that. Uh, if you've listened historically to the podcast, I've always tried to put my best foot forward, but in the last, I don't know, year and a half-ish, when I was one of those illustrious single males. Now, I was, I found myself being a successful single male, but I learned very quickly I always had to put my best foot forward. I had to put in the time at the gym. People responded positively to me being the best version of myself, and I think that's still very much applicable, but not only visually, I had to really learn to stand on my own two feet to socialize. The goal wasn't to take someone downstairs. It never was. The goal was always to make that connection with people.

Ariel 42:13

Yeah, and to feel like you're not being the creepy single guy. Yes. As we have all experienced in many different realms of the lifestyle, I'm sure anybody who's gone to hotel takeovers or house parties, you frequently see limited single guy tickets, and unfortunately, that has come about because of the real issues that arise sometimes. The single guy just hasn't quite got a good, solid footing in knowing how to communicate and socialize in a respectful but sexy way. And I think most women would say that a confident man, not cocky, confident man is sexy. You know, And if it comes in a great package, then extra points. But I have talked to some single guys who conventionally probably weren't the hottest package, and they just have some undeniable charisma about them. And I would say personally, the guys that I've talked to who did not go sex forward in the first 10 minutes were the guys that I found the most compelling and attractive.

Tramp 43:33

It's odd. I think I have the opposite problem- Yeah is, is I have a problem my attraction or desire be known, so people automatically, "Oh, the Tramp is a nice guy, but he doesn't find me attractive."

Ariel 43:51

I thought I was friend zoned

Tramp 43:53

And then you made the step forward.

Ariel 43:55

Yes. As I would say probably 95% of the time I do. just my nature, I would say more women in the lifestyle are not that way. I happen to be, and yeah. I knew you were attractive. I knew you were intelligent and funny and smart, and I thought I'd maybe been friend zoned, but I wasn't quite sure. And this one day I think I basically told you, "Yeah, we're gonna make out today. That's happening." You didn't seem upset about it.

Tramp 44:28

No, I was not disappointed.

Ariel 44:30

I was not either Clearly, we're still here months later and building new things together. But when you're talking about new things, new experiences, I think this is gonna kind of lead into our AMA of the week, which we promised would be back, and it is.

Tramp 44:50

Yes, indeed so we had a listener write in, and he was curious about STIs in the lifestyle and how it's handled outside of safe sex practices. His two big questions were, is it considered discourteous to request test results? And secondly, it's commonly accepted that the majority of the population has been exposed to HSV-1,

Ariel 45:17

as we commonly refer to it, herpes.

Tramp 45:19

Right. And so how do you go about... Do you disclose that? Is it really that big of a deal? And it may be to some people, but let's go ahead and dive right into that. First and foremost, test results. Should you be getting tested? Absolutely.

Ariel 45:39

I would say absolutely. My rule of thumb is typically if I have a new partner I'm getting tested within the first couple weeks and because my new partners are reoccurring If it's an option for them and it's a boundary they're okay with, if we both get tested, I like to move into what people refer to as fluid bonding, or commonly known as we're not using protection. And I think that for some people that would be an absolute no, that's never gonna happen, but that does not eliminate the need for testing. As I've talked to other people about, if you're engaging in intimacy in any physical way with a person, yeah, during vaginal to penis penetrative sex, you're using condoms. Great. That's a great thing. Most people want to do that in the lifestyle, and I think that that's kind of the overall expectation. Then there is the whole idea, though, that oral sex is usually happening quite often too. So unless you're using condoms during blow jobs or dental dams during cunnilingus, you are still open to various STIs.

Tramp 46:57

Yeah, and from personal experience, I know using a dental dam would take away from my own enjoyment of pleasing a woman.

Ariel 47:09

As it would mine.

Tramp 47:11

And I would assume that, having to wear a condom during a blow job just would not be as much fun.

Ariel 47:17

Eh, it's not fun for a girl at all. I will just tell you, I've had my mouth go numb. Yeah, there's different lubricants or things on a lot of condoms that aren't so pleasant in the mouth.

Tramp 47:31

Hmm.

Ariel 47:33

So STI testing, very important, and nothing to be ashamed about. And if anybody out there has had an experience like I have or like lots of people I've talked to have, you go to your PCP or your primary care physician, you get tested or you ask for a test, especially if you've been going to them for a while, they know you're married, and they give you that look or they give you the talk of, "Well, why do you need to be tested?" And frankly, that means you just need to get a different doctor. Yeah. Or you can do testing completely out of that realm. It's not ridiculously expensive. No, it's not. It's less than going out for a nice meal as a couple. And yeah, I mean, if you are actively engaging in intimate activities with people on a regular basis, I would say every 60 to 90 days would be a good rule of thumb

Tramp 48:34

Right. You wanna work within your couple's dynamic. For example, if it were just you and I, and we always use protection when we played with other couples, we may find that alternating schedule is perfectly fine for us.

Ariel 48:52

Yeah.

Tramp 48:52

I would test one quarter, you would test the next quarter, and we just cycle back and forth like that.

Ariel 48:57

Yeah. For example, recently when you went out to visit your beautiful other person, and before you went out there, she got tested, you got tested. It was an agreed upon thing that y'all were going to go bare, and it was discussed with me, and I was perfectly fine with that. And because y'all both got tested-

Tramp 49:22

Mm-hmm

Ariel 49:22

I did not feel the need, nor do I feel the need right now, to go get tested. I've been tested recently, and that's where we're at. And then requesting, actually asking for the test.

Tramp 49:35

Mm-hmm.

Ariel 49:35

If I ask somebody when was the last time they've been tested, and if- And if

Tramp 49:39

they recoil or-

Ariel 49:41

Yes

Tramp 49:42

aren't ready to show those

Ariel 49:44

Or they say it's been a long time. "Well, we always use condoms." That's kind of a red flag for me, personally. I

Tramp 49:53

would agree with that.

Ariel 49:53

If we're gonna be bumping why can we not have some frank conversations around health?

Tramp 50:00

And then to the secondary question from this listener has to do with HSV-1-

Ariel 50:08

Mm-hmm

Tramp 50:08

also known as herpes. And some of your standard panel STI testing will include it. Some, will not, and I think that's primarily because it is so prevalent in the population. Most internet studies, what would you say, anywhere from, 60 to 80% of the population?

Ariel 50:33

Has some sort of form of either one or two.

Tramp 50:37

Mm-hmm.

Ariel 50:38

And I wanna make a disclaimer here. Please, listeners, do your own research. Go to the CDC websites. I do have a medical background, and so I say this in full confidence. Do your own research, read the data, and understand it as best you can,

Tramp 50:56

mm-hmm.

Ariel 50:56

Know that if you are or never have had an active outbreak, it is actually not recommended to get tested for HSV so like I said, do your own research. Be informed. Education and knowledge is powerful

Tramp 51:14

I'm gonna date myself a little bit here email us if you know where this comes from, and knowing is half the battle.

Ariel 51:21

Yes. I do know where that actually comes from.

Tramp 51:25

Well, guys, we're gonna wrap this one up here today, and thank you once again for listening. If you'd like to reach us, we can be reached at unapologeticswingers@gmail.com.

Ariel 51:38

Please do.

Tramp 51:39

Our website is also unapologeticswingers.com where you can find links to our sponsors, Shivers, for example, and if you use the coupon code US, you get 10% off your entire order. But the biggest ask that we have is just leave us a review. Wherever you happen to be listening, maybe a couple kind words, and that helps us more than anything just get the message out.

Ariel 52:05

And to feel encouraged that we are having a positive impact in some way. Until next time, I'm Ariel.

Tramp 52:13

And I'm the Tramp.

Ariel 52:15

Be sexy.

Tramp 52:16

Be confident.

Ariel 52:17

Be unapologetic