Unapologetic Swingers: Epsiode 44 - Play By Your Own Rules

Ariel and the Tramp talk about re calibration in our rules and boundaries and how sometimes old habits die hard

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Transcript

Ariel 0:04

Welcome back to Unapologetic Swingers. I'm Ariel.

Tramp 0:08

And I'm The Tramp. And everyone, I know I say this every single episode, but truly from the bottom of my heart, thank you for coming on this journey with us as we explore the lifestyle, the highs and lows, and everything in between.

Ariel 0:24

Yes, we're here to bring you down the dirty truths and be vulnerable with you guys. And I just wanna say, you know, we're just regular people. We're not experts. We're not trained in any sort of way on any of this, and we just wanna be vulnerable with you and be honest and transparent.

Tramp 0:43

We're just some folks, Ariel and I, and Jay and Elle, that like to share our stories. We're not super swingers. We're not, as Ariel said, experts here. But we feel like we provide value to the community, not just with newbies, but established people, and even people who are just curious about the lifestyle.

Ariel 1:09

Yeah, and we're constantly learning from the people we encounter as well.

Tramp 1:14

And speaking of Jay and Elle, they will be back. We actually did do a remote recording with them, and in full transparency, it was not up to my own technical standards. While the content was great and we had a great time catching up with those guys as they are doing their West Coast adventures, I did not feel comfortable putting it out just because of the technology involved and how disjointed the audio was. It was very hard to listen to, and that's something I take great pride in.

Ariel 1:49

Yeah, it was very interesting. We recently went on a road trip together and listened to some podcasts, and I gained a new perspective and appreciation for the professional quality that you have developed and put out with this podcast, which is just awesome and- Well, thank

Tramp 2:07

you

Ariel 2:08

yeah.

Tramp 2:09

Now today Ariel and I are talking about recalibration. Now, recalibration can have a number of facets to it. You can recalibrate in an existing relationship. You can also find yourself recalibrating in a brand-new relationship, as Ariel and I are finding.

Ariel 2:29

Yeah. We are both coming out of- Previous relationships where we had set boundaries and agreements with those previous partners, and we are now having to bring both of those things that we know and that worked for us in previous relationships to our own new relationship and figure out how to recalibrate it to make it work for us.

Tramp 2:52

That's very true, and it's one thing to say that old habits die hard.

Ariel 2:57

Mm-hmm.

Tramp 2:58

We may have a perception based on a previous partner, maybe a boundary or something that that partner liked or did not like, and we're together discovering this brand-new world.

Ariel 3:10

Yeah. We constantly are saying, "Hey, let's, reprogram everything we've known." And I think a common theme that we keep saying is you don't know what you don't know.

Tramp 3:22

That's very true. Now, let's jump in real quick about kind of how we started our initial dynamic- Mm-hmm and just to help the listeners understand our origin,

Ariel 3:37

yeah, so I think if anybody's been listening since I've been on, my first podcast with The Tramp and Elle was me talking about my journey with my husband, and that- I have been in the lifestyle for about five years, and after about a year we became polyamorous, kind of at my push. It was something that I had extensively researched even before we got into the lifestyle in general. But, you know, taking baby steps as a lot of people try in the lifestyle. You find your way, and you don't always wanna just dive in headfirst to everything. And, polyamory worked really great for me in that relationship. And as things have evolved in the last months, I guess I'll say since the beginning of this year, discovered that in this new relationship with The Tramp, I'm finding that polyamory is not something that I'm leaning towards in this relationship and not something that I desire any longer or need. And when I started dating The Tramp, we went down this road, I kind of was like, "Hey, polyamory is awesome. Let's do this, and come along with me." And I was in an established marriage, and to be completely transparent, that marriage is now something I am dissolving, and I will be getting a divorce, for lack of better ways to explain that. And I wanna make this clear that, you know, this is not because of The Tramp. This is just an evolution of myself and my own self-journey. And as Tramp and I, are building a relationship, I did encourage him to become polyamorous. I did encourage him to explore that world of ENM And I went into it fully guns blazing, thinking this is where we were gonna end up and how we were gonna go down a path. And as I have discovered, falling in love with somebody new, you're rebuilding a foundation or you're building a foundation with this person and that can look really different with a different partner as I'm quickly and have discovered.

Tramp 5:51

Well, just as you said, you don't know what you don't know. And from my perspective, yes, I did embrace that possibility. I was very hesitant- Mm-hmm at first because it was a completely new dynamic to me. And so starting to embrace that and build one in particular, connection-

Ariel 6:14

Mm-hmm

Tramp 6:14

and see it building and picking up steam and I was having a ball with it. It was a lot of fun and yeah, even in our short time we have evolved.

Ariel 6:27

Yeah. I have throughout this process realized that I don't wanna say that polyamory became something that felt threatening to my relationship with the Tramp. It was just more that I could not find a way to regulate or settle into the idea that while we are building our own foundation of a relationship and moving forward with things, that I discovered I didn't want us to have a lot of outside emotional relationships or connections that are more on the romantic side. Obviously we have lots of connections with people, but those one-on-one singularly polyamorous romantic connections was something that it took a while. I struggled, questioned myself, doubted myself, wondered why I couldn't settle into it with The Tramp versus having been okay with it for years with another partner. And finally, my own self-discovery was that it's okay to trust that this is not for me anymore, and that I'm allowed to change my mind. And it was a really difficult process for me as well. I know it was very difficult for The Tramp. He can speak on that part. But understanding that I wasn't just asking The Tramp to do something, I was involving other people's feelings and how that will affect outside people besides our relationship internally.

Tramp 8:00

I think that really speaks to your own ability to empathize.

Ariel 8:08

Yeah.

Tramp 8:08

And that's something that I think that's... I don't wanna preach here, but it's something that is important, not just within polyamory, but the lifestyle broadly speaking. So being able to know what's right for you- But have compassion and empathy for others, I think is just the hallmark of a good person.

Ariel 8:29

Well, that and I've said it a lot throughout my life, but, consideration is the highest form of love to me. I truly try to consider not just my own partner's feelings, but the other people I encounter. I want everybody to be comfortable. I want everybody to feel like their voice is being heard, and that they're not going to be hurt intentionally. And I try to avoid hurting unintentionally as often as possible as well. And unfortunately, it became one of those things where I discovered inside of myself a boundary that was going to have to hurt other people unintentionally. And when I say hurt other people, I mean, you know, basically take away something that was giving them joy, which is a very difficult thing for me to do because I truly believe if there's something that I can do for my partner that gives him joy, I want that. I wanna see my partner the happiest they can be

Tramp 9:30

I appreciate how vulnerable you were there. Now, if you've been listening from way back at episode one, you know that I was previously married, and, my ex and I, slowly but surely got into the lifestyle we kinda dipped our toes in during COVID timeframe when, we discovered Desire down in Mexico, and found ourselves going fairly regularly because, quite frankly, at that time, n- unlike today, it was cheap. And so we could have an amazing, sexy vacation, and we quickly got hooked, not only by the environment, but by the people. 'Cause let's be honest, lifestyle folks, and generally ENM folks, are amazing people. They're amazingly welcoming and friendly and accepting. And personally being able to say I've found my people.

Ariel 10:29

Yeah, and, and just the authenticity and the genuineness that you find in most people in the ENM lifestyle is so refreshing compared to what we encounter on our day-to-day basis you're always questioning whether or not somebody's being truly themselves, and I feel like in the lifestyle, you don't question that nearly as much.

Tramp 10:50

Mm-hmm. Now, I know through my own journey, as we alluded to before, we all have picked up habits from our own history, from our own experiences, and sometimes those habits die hard. So things that I had accepted in a different relationship to kinda be the way things were, the way we were Those are no longer applicable. So sometimes it can be rather refreshing, and sometimes it can be a little difficult as well.

Ariel 11:23

A little jarring at times, yes. I think both of us have discovered that... I mean, I would say in general, we are both very encouraging to each other to really step outside of our comfort zones. And I know personally, the Tramp has pushed me to really fully embrace parts of myself that I had previously held back on quite a bit, just based on my previous relationship and agreements and boundaries within that relationship. Not in a bad way, just that's how that dynamic was. As I think we all know, we've met hundreds of different couples, and everybody's dynamic, while they can look similar, truly have these finite things that make them slightly different. And working within those things can be tricky. But also, I think I'm constantly learning and discovering, huh, so that's their dynamic. Would that work for us? Or is that something we wanna incorporate? Or is that something that we would just never be okay with?

Tramp 12:32

Right. I'm thinking specifically of those red flags.

Ariel 12:37

Mm-hmm.

Tramp 12:38

That tend to pop up with some couples, whether they're high drama couples, 'cause we've all run across them, and your Spidey sense starts tingling. You're like, "We better steer clear of this couple 'cause they may be visually attractive, but there's something not quite right."

Ariel 12:56

Oh, I can mention one of those very clear examples. In fact, just recently we were at the ranch, as we talk about all the time, 'cause we are there quite often. There was a gentleman who approached the Tramp and I while we were talking to another female who we, we had been engaging with and developing a connection with throughout the night. It was going great. We were just having a great time. There were no sexpectations. And this gentleman walked up and engaged with her, said, "Hey, I... You remember me, right?" And she clearly did not, and he proceeded to try to convince her that she should remember him, which already for me made me feel weird. And he very much did not even engage with us, even acknowledge that we were there talking to her and some of our listeners may remember this or understand this, but, it was a very pickup artist effect.

Tramp 13:55

I recognized that r-

Ariel 13:56

immediately- Yeah with this guy. He was, he was doing what we call negging, making sly kind of underhanded- negative comments towards her to try to get her to defend herself or to like, "But wait, I am not like this." Yeah, I'm not

Tramp 14:15

a mean girl. So you sh-

Ariel 14:15

Or I'm not- Yeah, I'm not this. Yeah. And it got very uncomfortable for all of us involved. She did what we see quite often if you've ever been in these situations, or anywhere I'm sure in the lifestyle, where she was like, "Um, I need to go use the restroom." And he was left there with us, and turned to us and then kind of politely started speaking again, and he very quickly then tried that with me. And I happen to be one of those people that I call people out, and He said something about me being shallow, and I don't even remember what the comment was that I had said previously, which was not a shallow comment. And my follow-up was that, "Well, if it makes me shallow to not wanna fuck somebody that I'm not attracted to, then I'll take that." I think that that's true for everybody. Nobody wants to engage with somebody that you're not attracted to, and I don't just mean physically, I mean in any way. And he said that, and tried to defend himself again, "Well, I think you're just one of those shallow mean girls." And anybody who knows me knows that I'm far from that. And I basically just leaned in really closely to him and said, "Well, I don't like men who think that trying to give me an underhanded, backhanded compliment and think that I'm gonna rise to defending myself is appropriate." And then I just very nicely turned my back on him and pretended like he no longer existed. And then he finally got the message.

Tramp 15:47

He did.

Ariel 15:48

So.

Tramp 15:49

And I'm proud that you did that.

Ariel 15:50

Yeah. I didn't escalate the situation, but I wasn't gonna let him walk away absolved of his behavior.

Tramp 15:58

So let's bounce back. I know we've talked about how we, our origins, and kind of- Mm-hmm how we arrived here, and, and already how we have evolved. Mm-hmm. But let's really jump into maybe some things that are more applicable to some of our listeners, m- probably most of our listeners who have been together for years, decades. And you may have started out at one place in the lifestyle and found truly you have evolved, whether it be with boundaries or- what you're comfortable with.

Ariel 16:37

Yeah, I think we have seen and met people personally who started off completely soft swap, so, you know, no intercourse, maybe just same room play where they're playing together, the other couple's playing together. Yeah, parallel play. But there's no... Parallel play. No real true interaction besides maybe some gentle touching and things. And six months from there, maybe they're doing full swap all the way, and then maybe another six months from there or a year from there they're doing separate room play with other people. The journey for everybody can look different. And some people stick with one thing the entire time, or maybe they jump headfirst into everything, and then life situations can happen, whether that's maybe, oh, I don't know, an illness, differences in kid situations. Sure.

Tramp 17:31

A pregnancy, menopause- Yeah medical issues, yes.

Ariel 17:34

Medical issues, anything. Or just sometimes, as I've discovered, and I think probably a lot of people can relate to this, the lifestyle shines a really bright light on a lot of things, and I think that people who choose to do this in a good way learn to get really good at self-reflection and really get curious, not just about their partner, but about themselves. And sometimes that curiousness and that self-reflection can lead you, as it did me recently, into discovering that what worked before doesn't work any longer, and sometimes that means pulling back, not moving forward.

Tramp 18:20

You hit on something very important there, how from time to time couples are going to recalibrate and the landscape is going to change in a truly deep, loving, committed relationship, in those situations, you have to have grace. it, That's just not applicable to when you're first getting in the lifestyle and you're experiencing all these new and exciting things, and you may come across a situation while it may be within your boundaries, something just hits you really weird, and you have these feelings all of a sudden, whether it's jealousy or maybe even a little anger.

Ariel 19:00

Or possessiveness.

Tramp 19:02

Mm-hmm. In fact, I had a situation just the other week with you. I was in a weird space mentally, and somebody in our social group, he's quite subby.

Ariel 19:14

He's actually not.

Tramp 19:15

Well, then he is just to you.

Ariel 19:17

Yes.

Tramp 19:18

And for whatever reason, he just very playfully was being very sub to Ariel. And it was all of a 15-second interaction. But, when I witnessed that, it kicked something over in me, and I had to have a little bit of grace, not only for myself in the moment, but also for you, and really reflect internally, as you said, reflect on myself. Why did I feel that in that moment? I'm going to communicate with you and saying, "Hey, I felt this in the moment. I'm not sure why." It's just one of those weird coincidences where I've seen it happen before, not necessarily with this particular friend, but with other people, and it never bothered me before.

Ariel 20:04

Mm-hmm.

Tramp 20:05

So I had to reflect internally to say, "Okay, I felt uncomfortable just in that moment, and I don't know why, and I need to do a little bit of a deep dive within myself to figure out why." It wasn't anything outside of our boundaries

Ariel 20:20

yeah, and one of the interesting things I think about that situation, 'cause I know exactly what you're talking about, was this was not at all a sexual situation. In fact, nobody was naked. There was no clothes off. And it was really me just being silly and funny in the moment. And- I didn't even recognize that you were kind of having a feeling about it, but you did. I probably

Tramp 20:45

hid it very well.

Ariel 20:46

Yeah, you did, but you shared with me afterwards. And of course, you explained that you didn't even really clearly understand where it was coming from at that moment. And I was just like, "Okay, let's talk if we need to about it." And we haven't really had to have a much more talk. I think, it was- No like you said, mental head space at that day or that moment was a little different. And yeah, certain things are gonna hit us in certain times differently. And one of the things that I really have kind of kept with me, since we listened to those podcasts on our road trip, was one of the ladies that we were listening to, she was actually the guest on the podcast and specifically she said, "Jealousy is information." And that resonated with me. And not just that jealousy is information, but all feelings are information. They are, telling you something. And I think The Tramp and I have discovered that both of us need, and we remind each other frequently now, be more curious Ask the questions. If you see my energy shift, if you see me, I don't know, take a step back either physically or mentally, be curious. Ask me. Don't let me stew per se, and don't just assume that you know what it's about. And I think we're discovering that that's a really healthy way for us to communicate and, to bring things out, to be vulnerable with each other.

Tramp 22:22

See, there's the magic word that comes up- in every single episode, I swear. It's communication. Yeah. And personally speaking, I have learned that it never ends. Of course, when you're brand new in a relationship, or particularly a lifestyle relationship, or as you're entering the lifestyle I should say, communication is so critical. But even as you become more and more established and comfortable, the communication should not stop, and that's where I really wanna get back to the evolution and your own recalibration yes, you could have been lifestyle for 10 years now and married for 30 years, let's just say.

Ariel 23:05

Mm-hmm.

Tramp 23:06

It doesn't mean that you're the same person that you were 20 years ago, 10 years ago, five years ago, a year ago.

Ariel 23:13

No, not at all.

Tramp 23:15

And that's why for a lot of people, and I know this from personal experience, fear is going to be your biggest enemy in terms of your own relationship with your partner

Ariel 23:31

Yeah, I would absolutely agree with that. And while I think we all experience fear, you know, sometimes in certain situations it can kind of take over to become detrimental, and w- you have to work really hard to communicate that to your partner. And I think we've both specifically said, can you please give me some grace in this moment because I know I'm not self-regulating, and I might need to say some things that are gonna come out sideways a little bit, but I'm trying to get it across in the best way I know how in this moment so that I don't sit and stew with it too long." I've learned over the years that if I don't, process exactly in real time every time, but if I don't do it within a timely manner, it actually becomes harder for me because then I build those fears in my head that, "Oh crap, I've let this go on so long now. How do I pull back?" And that, is what I discovered over the last several months, is that I was like, "Oh crap, I've been encouraging you to explore these connections. How do I now tell you that I don't want this?" And the fear that by me asking or requesting or basically saying I'm realizing that this is a new boundary for me in this relationship Is this going to cause a rupture that cannot be repaired? And so I, sat with a lot of fear, and I had to learn to trust myself, and that's something I think in the lifestyle we have to really push for, is to trust ourselves so that we can truly be 100% our authentic selves. And ultimately, I think if our partner truly loves us and truly wants to have this relationship work, we have to be able to compromise. We have to be able to look at what our priorities are and what's important and decide for ourselves where our boundaries really sit.

Tramp 25:43

And with any good evolution in a partnership or a marriage or however you wanna look at it, you have to be vulnerable.

Ariel 25:52

Mm-hmm.

Tramp 25:52

And that's when I'm bouncing back to my fear statement earlier, your boundaries are going to change, whether they advance or pull back a little bit, but you have to be very honest and vulnerable with your partner to have the strongest relationship that you can have. And if you are vulnerable, you may find that that vulnerability can be very rewarding in the fact that maybe I say, "Hey, Ariel, I'm interested in this," and it's something that I thought that you may just not even be open to, And I found time and time again that I've been pleasantly surprised We're both naturally pretty damn compersive.

Ariel 26:45

Yes.

Tramp 26:46

Meaning that we get joy from each other's joy or pleasure.

Ariel 26:51

Yes.

Tramp 26:52

And so we push each other in a fantastic way when we're able to say, "Hey, I would really like you to wear this tonight." Or we got into a discussion where personally, I always thought that, and this is gonna sound a little weird, but, butt plugs with tails that's part of a theme night outfit. I- I've always thought that was really fucking sexy. And Ariel was like, "You would like that?" And I thought, "Oh, here we go. She's gonna say no." But you were like, "Yeah, let's give it a go."

Ariel 27:31

I guess I look at it as long as it's not a hard no for me, sure. Why not try it? If it's gonna bring my partner joy to see me like that, and it's that small little thing, I love butt plugs, so I guess adding a tail to it's not that far out of the question. Why not? Let's do it, you know? And I think we do that quite often together, It's kinda like, "You know what? Yes, I'll wear the stripper heels. Yes, I will wear the butt plug with the tail," because if you're gonna follow behind me and tug on it a little bit, sure, Especially at the ranch on, like, an animal instinct night, and I'm wearing some cute little undies and my tail's flopping around. Like, why not? Speaking about the ranch, let's take a moment from this really wonderful conversation we're having currently to thank one of our sponsors, the Scarlet Ranch, North America's premier upscale private lifestyle club. If you've been listening, you probably noticed our guests don't just talk about it, they live it, once you walk through those doors, you'll see exactly why the energy is undeniable. Amazing staff, two bars to loosen you up, an incredible restaurant. And downstairs, hmm, yeah. Well, let's just say open and private play areas designed for whatever kinda night you're craving. Curious? Well, you should be. Visit scarletranch.com and let your next adventure begin.

Tramp 29:02

Speaking of the ranch, and I'm sure this is applicable to many lifestyle clubs, where you have your prime time, which is traditionally always your Saturday night, and I think we both learned, that sometimes the off nights can be some of the most amazing.

Ariel 29:24

Or the nights where you're sitting at home going, "Huh, do I wanna go out?" Yeah. "Do we wanna go? Yeah, let's do it. Why not?"

Tramp 29:34

And, I liked the theme. Ariel was not necessarily a fan, but we get there and, I don't know, the energy was just a little differently, and it was not a Saturday night. But just amazing people. A lot of fresh faces, a lot of beautiful people. Not that there aren't always beautiful people, but sometimes the themes can really bring in people that are of that mindset, and this was one of those nights.

Ariel 30:02

Yeah. And funny enough, it was actually a couple They didn't realize this, but we were right behind them coming in. And before we even walked through the doors, and The Tramp can attest to this I am always pointing out hot women.

Tramp 30:21

And I love that.

Ariel 30:23

I think I've mentioned before, but I've been bisexual my whole life, and I've had relationships singularly with women before and so, yeah, I'm very attracted to women. I wouldn't say more attracted to women than men, but I think women in the lifestyle do put in more effort, so they're a little more noticeable.

Tramp 30:41

W- broadly speaking, you should always be the best version of yourself, and that is just magnified in the lifestyle.

Ariel 30:48

Yeah. And I had already pointed this person out, and I've noticed also that while I've always found lots of different types of women attractive, now that I understand Tramp's type, per se, or his natural inclination to find certain types of women attractive, I'm discovering that I am more aware of those specific types of women.

Tramp 31:19

Now, since we have not cleared with this couple that- Yes we're not going to get into the nitty-gritty, but w- we want to more so talk about some things that we noticed during our- Interactions interactions- Yeah with them. And they're a lovely, sexy couple, and hopefully we will be able to talk in more depth on a future episode. But being a newer couple in the lifestyle, it's, I think, critical to be aware of the other couple's boundaries-

Ariel 31:55

Mm-hmm

Tramp 31:56

and respect them.

Ariel 31:58

Yes, and I think I was talking about this earlier, that- being in the lifestyle for the amount of time we have been, like we've said, we're not experts. But we've had our trials and tribulations, and our- We've been

Tramp 32:11

around the block.

Ariel 32:12

Yeah, we've been around the block. We've stumbled. We've picked ourselves back up. And I think that we are both very secure in most of our boundaries and agreements surrounding the swinging lifestyle.

Tramp 32:25

And we're learning new things every day, which is awesome.

Ariel 32:28

Yes, and when you're talking to a couple and you discover that they're still discovering their own journey, you kind of feel like you become a mentor almost, or just that you have to take some extra careful precautions and really over-communicate, and really ask the hard questions. Okay, what have you already done? What are your boundaries? Where are you right now in your journey? And we discovered, talking to this couple, the male part was so appreciative of my, what I see sometimes as almost over-enthusiastic consideration of the woman, because I think a lot of us know that the women do run the lifestyle.

Tramp 33:20

It wasn't just consideration. You specifically gunned for enthusiastic consent.

Ariel 33:27

Yes, I am very, very, very much into that. If it's not a fuck yes, it's a fuck no.

Tramp 33:33

You know, that should be the overall mantra

Ariel 33:36

yeah. Because if it's a fuck yes, the times are gonna be awesome. And I guess I'll bring it back to when you're kind of meeting with a new couple who has pretty limited experience-

Tramp 33:49

And limited boundaries, tight boundaries, let's just say

Ariel 33:52

or, yeah, tight boundaries, or just, discovering and going slow, which i- totally acceptable. In fact, I actually encourage lots of new couples that I've talked to to Don't jump in headfirst. I did it. It doesn't always work out well. But it does for some people, and that's great. But I think that both Tramp and I have realized and met plenty of people that kind of that slow go can really bring a beauty to this, where you have time to process in your own relationship and discover slowly but healthy ways to build your own path and build your own boundaries within your life.

Tramp 34:36

And because of the care that we, especially you, Ariel- Mm took with this couple, they felt safe to venture outside of their boundaries. Pre-determined,

Ariel 34:50

yeah.

Tramp 34:50

And- Mm-hmm the cool thing was we witnessed this communication in real time.

Ariel 34:57

Yeah.

Tramp 34:57

And, and I guarantee they went home and just said, "That was fucking awesome."

Ariel 35:04

Yeah, I very much believe in aftercare, and 'cause aftercare is not just a BDSM term. I truly believe aftercare is something that all interactions deserve in some way, shape, or form. And once our interaction was done with them, we kind of chatted a little bit and checked in and they both seemed very relaxed. There was no- Happy yeah, they were, there was no tension, and I've seen tension after an interaction with a couple where it was very much a get dressed and run. And I think lots of people in the lifestyle have seen that or done that based on one factor or another. And I think there is a way to move through newbie couples, and have them feel good about their situations that they've gotten themselves into. And I know that The Tramp and I feel very strongly that we don't ever want to cause a newbie couple to get scared and never come back especially the ones like the couple we're talking about.

Tramp 36:17

Mm-hmm.

Ariel 36:17

Hot, sexy, intelligent, and yeah.

Tramp 36:21

A great addition to the lifestyle, broadly speaking.

Ariel 36:24

Yeah. And, if we all take that time to just be slightly more considerate and not dismiss other people's boundaries, and to encourage their own journey and to encourage their own autonomy, it can work out really nice for everybody.

Tramp 36:46

Indeed it did. Now, before we get into our AMA, I want to give a special shout-out to our sponsor, Shivers, which is the edible CBD-derived sensation enhancer that takes intimacy to next levels. With specialized formulas for both men and women, Shivers kicks in for me within about 30 to 60 minutes, giving me a nice clean energy boost while heightening every touch and sensation. The best part, you'll feel amazing the next day. No hangover, just more energy and a lingering smile. Find out why everyone is talking about Shivers and experience the tingle for yourself. If you'd like to try Shivers for yourself, be sure to use the coupon code US for Unapologetic Swingers at checkout for 10% off your entire order. Now, onto our Ask Us Anything segment. And since we have unfortunately not gotten any emails, I kind of had to pull this out of the air for us.

Ariel 37:53

Oh, fun.

Tramp 37:54

So here is a broad question. I'm putting Ariel on the spot a little bit. Oh, boy. And I see her eyes getting very large. This is gonna be easy, I think.

Ariel 38:04

Okay.

Tramp 38:05

What is your favorite type of lifestyle event? Whether it be a one-on-one date a club such as the Scarlet Ranch, a house party, a hotel takeover, or a resort.

Ariel 38:22

Well, I have never been to a resort, so I can't speak on that, though I think that's in our future. And most of my experience has been at the Scarlet Ranch. I have been to house parties. And I would say, to be completely honest, the Scarlet Ranch It really fills my heart and my soul. It brings a social aspect. It brings a loving community. Most of the time when I walk in, I feel loved and welcomed by my friends and the people I meet there. The staff, I'm pretty good friends with a lot of them on a personal basis, 'cause they are just like us. They're all just regular people. And because of the environment, it's not your typical employees. They are very friendly and, they're not there to entertain us. They really do become part of our family as well. Um, the house parties I've been to, I'm not sure if I can say that they were great or not great. I'm looking forward to experiencing that with The Tramp, as our dynamic is quite different. And I think that now I am going to have more freedom to truly explore some things that I've held myself back from. And so that's something I think I'm looking forward to. I think I just mentioned that to you recently about wanting to look into going to one.

Tramp 40:04

Now for me, yes, obviously The Ranch holds a very near and dear place to my heart, but broadly speaking, I think clubs in general are amazing. But it's so dependent on the attitude that you go in with. Oftentimes Elle will say, "You go in with no sexpectations," meaning there are some people that will go in and they're like an excited puppy. "Oh, we're gonna do the, this, this, and this," and, and lay out the whole evening before the evening even comes into reality.

Ariel 40:42

Yeah.

Tramp 40:43

I've seen that. And so, if you go in with- The agreement that say, "Hey, let's just have an awesome night, and let's see where the night takes us."

Ariel 40:53

Let's get dressed up and feel sexy for each other.

Tramp 40:55

Yes.

Ariel 40:56

And whatever that brings organically, for us so far, has been quite amazing.

Tramp 41:02

Now, house parties are typically very well curated, meaning the hosts are going to invite who they want to see there, and oftentimes those can be very explosive, let's just say, because the vibe is right if the host has done a good job, things will really kick off

Ariel 41:25

and I've had very different experiences in that sense. So yeah, I'm looking forward to exploring that more. I know that we're talking about finding some, but my previous experiences with house parties were more they're posted on Cassidy. Anybody who wants to sign up until they reach their guest limit is who goes. There is no real vetting. And maybe that's why I haven't quite enjoyed them in the same way. So yeah, I'm looking forward to different experiences.

Tramp 41:58

Now, as far as dates, dates can be so hit-and-miss. Sometimes you click, sometimes in... A couple can be very attractive, and even over the initial, messaging, they can seem right on board. But when you meet them in person, it can flop horribly.

Ariel 42:16

Oh, I've had that happen I can actually speak about a, date that I went on with my previous partner, and it was a Cassidy meet, and things seemed to be going great. We got to the date. The woman sat next to my other partner. I sat next to the other man so that we were all kind of in that situation. And while the male half of this partnership was very engaging with me and very overtly interested, it became very quickly apparent that the woman half was pretty much checked out, and it was an awkward situation. And I think anybody who has done this before has probably experienced that, where maybe one half of the partnership of the other couple very clearly wants to be there, and the other one is very clearly just along for the ride. And for me, that becomes a enthusiastic fuck no.

Tramp 43:16

I would agree with that. Energy is everything. Enthusiasm is everything. Now, as far as takeovers and resorts, if you've listened to earlier episodes, you know that I am a huge fan of Desire, and I truly wanna take Ariel there in the near future. I have admittedly not gone to Hedon yet And a lot of that more has to do with being here in Colorado, just logistics. Mm-hmm. We can, be to Cancun on a four-ish hour flight. Yeah. Whereas, a travel day to Jamaica's, it's gonna be an all-day affair. I would be open to emails and suggestions, and the same thing with hotel takeovers. You see them constantly on Cassidy or whatever media platform you're on, and I'm sure there are some amazing ones out there. So if you have some recommendations, we would, be open to checking them out, and email us. Let us know what your favorite ones are.

Ariel 44:25

Yeah, and we're not just talking the ones in Jamaica or Cancun area, but internationally, I've heard that there's some incredible ones in France and Amsterdam and other places.

Tramp 44:39

Yes, clubs and whatnot, but I'm talking specifically about takeovers and larger lifestyle events. Mm-hmm. For example, we're recording this at the end of June, and I know Naughty in New Orleans is starting here in what, two weeks, and we're both excited to go. This year it's not in the cards, but we're planning it for next year.

Ariel 45:01

Yeah. I've heard incredible things about it from some really good personal friends. It's definitely something that we're looking forward to. So if anybody have any additional tips or tricks to make it an even more enjoyable experience, we're always open to hearing about that. So guys, just to kind of wrap things up, I know we talked a lot about some pretty serious things. I hope we brought some fun, sexy elements to this podcast as well. And as things continue between The Tramp and I, we'll keep sharing our story, but we are working on some guests. We are working on bringing Jay and Elle back as they've never really left. We're just, like you said earlier, working on some technical difficulties, which we hope to have fixed very quickly. And again, as he says at the beginning, we very much appreciate you, and I am so excited and feeling so blessed that The Tramp has included me in this journey with him

Tramp 46:04

And to build on that, if you happen to be coming to the Denver, Colorado area and would like to meet Ariel and myself, maybe not necessarily in a lifestyle way, but just to say hi and to have a drink with us, we would love to have you guys, and we are always on the lookout for guests. So if you would have any interest in being on the podcast and coming in studio with us, we just wanna throw that out there.

Ariel 46:36

Yeah. We're not shy, and we don't bite unless asked.

Tramp 46:40

Speaking of which, we have activated our Cassidi profile, so we can be found by the same name, Unapologetic Swingers, on Cassidi. So feel free to reach out and just say hi.

Ariel 46:54

Yeah.

Tramp 46:55

Now, if you'd like to reach out to us, you can reach us at unapologeticswingers@gmail.com. Our website is also unapologeticswingers.com. So feel free to drop us an email, whether it be an AMA question or a comment, or, as Ariel just mentioned, a takeover or destination that you would encourage us to check out. And the biggest ask that we have, is wherever you happen to be listening to us, just leave us a quick review. That helps out more than you can even imagine with algorithms, and just getting our message out there. As I think I've stated before, this truly is a labor of love. We're not Joe Rogan. We're not raking in millions of dollars. It's, is in fact a cash outlay, But we do it because we truly love doing it.

Ariel 47:56

And we love the community, and anything that can help our community, we feel good about. So until next time, I'm Ariel.

Tramp 48:04

And I'm the Tramp.

Ariel 48:06

Be sexy.

Tramp 48:07

Be confident.

Ariel 48:08

And be unapologetic