The Lies We Tell Ourselves

Transformation begins when you confront the untruths you tell yourself. This week, we delve into the self-lies that hold you back and explore how breaking these habits can enhance your journey toward authenticity and self-love. 

• The nature of self-betrayal 
• Common lies we tell ourselves 
• The impact of broken promises on self-trust 
• Strategies for rebuilding self-worth 
• Fear of failure and comfort zone traps 
• Actionable steps to commit to yourself 

Did this episode resonate with you? Share it with someone who needs to hear this message!

https://myoola.oolalife.com/LisaDorn

Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction and Welcome
• 1:50 The Impact of Self
• 6:08 Common Lies We Tell Ourselves
• 15:53 The Cost of Breaking Promises
• 26:36 Strategies to Rebuild Self
• 37:26 Taking Action and Commitment

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:28

Hey, beautiful souls, welcome back to another episode of Unleash your Inner Radiance. I'm your host, lisa, certified life wellness and transformation coach, best-selling author and your biggest cheerleader on this journey to self-growth and authenticity. Today, we need to have a real raw, unfiltered conversation, and I want you to be honest, unfiltered conversation. And I want you to be honest. How long are you going to lie to yourself? How long are you going to make promises you don't keep? How long are you going to push your dreams, your goals and your happiness to the side? This episode is going to be a wake-up call for some people. I know when I went through it, part of my journey, it was definitely a wake-up call for me, but I don't want you to worry, because this conversation that we're going to have today is coming from a place of love. So I want you to remember that.

Speaker 1: 1:48

So buckle up, take a deep breath and let's dive in the lies that we tell ourselves. I mean let's dive in the lies that we tell ourselves. I mean let's get real. How many times have you told yourself I'll start Monday, this is my year, I'm done with toxic relationships, or I'm finally going to put myself first? And I could keep going with those, because I, then you, end up breaking that promise days later. The problem isn't that your word doesn't matter. That's what you're doing. Is you're telling yourself that your word doesn't matter? Your word doesn't matter? And let me tell you, your subconscious is always listening, so is that what you want to tell yourself? Here's some common lies that we tell ourselves, besides those ones that I just mentioned. I'll start when I'm ready. Newsflash. You'll never be fully ready. Never, never, never. I just need more motivation. You don't need motivation. What you need is discipline, because you need to be disciplined so you get on that treadmill. You need to be disciplined so that you eat better. You need to be disciplined so that you get out of bed when your alarm goes off. That is also a habit. But and all these are kind of habits If you're disciplined, then you create a habit. That is a habit, right? How about the last one? This is just who I am. That's a story, that's not a fact. So let's get real.

Speaker 1: 4:43

How many times have you just looked at yourself in the mirror and said this time I mean it 2025 is going to be my year. This time I mean it Only to break your promise a few days, weeks or even hours later. We make commitments to ourselves all the times Like I'm going to wake up early and work out. I'm finally leaving that toxic job out. I'm finally leaving that toxic job. I'm going to set boundaries and stop saying yes when I mean no. And yet how often do we follow through?

Speaker 1: 5:46

Now, on the exercise thing, I'm guilty of that one Day in and day out, because I have so many things that I want to do and apparently getting on that treadmill is not one of them that I'm disciplined enough to do. But remember, every time you break a promise to yourself, you are sending yourself conscious a message that your word doesn't matter, that you don't matter. You're reinforcing a pattern that says it's okay to let myself down. I can always start over later. You can always start over later, but is it right to always let yourself down? So I want to break that down a little bit, because later always turns into next week, next month, next year and before you know it, you wake up and wonder how did it get this bad? How did I get to this point?

Speaker 1: 7:18

So let's talk about the real cost of self-betrayal. It's not just about skipping a workout or pushing that dream aside. The deeper issue that is here is that every time you don't follow through, you chip away at your self-trust, and when self-trust is broken, your confidence goes with it. So if you're a person that's struggling with a lack of self-confidence, think back to all the self-trust issues you've created with yourself and your subconscious, because you can refrain your self-conscious, but you need to have an intention and the discipline to do it. So when you lose your self-confidence, you stop believing in yourself.

Speaker 1: 8:31

If you don't keep your own promises, why would you trust yourself? To take on something big, you have to have trust in yourself. You have to believe in yourself. You have to have self-worth and self-confidence, because you'll start second-guessing absolutely everything when you don't follow through. You lose faith in your ability to make even the smallest decisions. You allow yourself to settle because, deep down, if you don't believe in your own worth, why would you expect more for yourself?

Speaker 1: 9:22

The problem isn't that you can't do it. The problem isn't that we can't do. It isn't that we can't do it. The problem is that you've been teaching yourself that it's okay not to do it. Whatever that thing is, you're teaching yourself that it's okay not to do it. But here's the truth. Every time you say you're going to do something and actually follow through with what you said you're going to do, you're rebuilding the trust in yourself, and trust is the foundation of confidence, self-worth and real transformation. That's so powerful that one little thing, all you have to do, is follow through on something you tell yourself you're going to do, and you start rebuilding everything.

Speaker 1: 10:42

So let's dig into why we keep breaking these promises. In the first place, we wouldn't flake on our best friend yet we cancel on ourselves all the time. Why is that? Because we've become conditioned and we've reconditioned ourselves to believe that our own priorities can wait, that we'll get to it later. But it turns out that later turns into never, and every broken promises that you make to yourself chips away at your confidence. So why does this happen? Why does this happen? Why has this happened? Why is this happening? Why, because we're standing there and we're saying I'm going to do this, and then we don't do it. So in your mind, in your subconscious, you're saying I'm going to do this. Then we don't do it. So in your mind, in your self-conscious, you're saying I'm going to do this, this, this and this, and then you don't do one of those things or two of those things. So why does this happen?

Speaker 1: 12:09

Well, one fear of failure. We don't want to try and fail. Fail, so we don't try at all. Two comfort zones Change is uncomfortable, even when we know we need it. Lack of self-worth Deep down, we don't fully believe we deserve better. If you've ever struggled with lack of self-worth, it is a tough thing. I struggled with self-worth my entire life. I struggled with self-worth my entire life and fear of failure and comfort zones really get in my way, because I want to do something but I'm definitely afraid to fail. Or in some cases, I believe I'm almost afraid of success, which is really odd.

Speaker 1: 13:16

But let's talk about fear of failure, because it is the silent dream killer. What if I try and I fail? What if I put myself out there and I'm not good enough? What if I give it everything and I still don't succeed? Now what if I put it out there and I'm not right? So part of my thing was well, who's going to listen to me? And what if I'm not good enough? But what if I am? And what if people do listen to me? And guess what People do? So I'm just saying go for it. Okay, go for it.

Speaker 1: 14:24

Fear of failure is the number one reason we stay stuck, not because we're lazy, not because we don't want it badly enough, but because we're terrified that we'll try and it won't work. And that fear, that fear is paralyzing and it can be paralyzing. So, instead of trying to risk failure, what do we do? We self-sabotage before we even begin and we just convince ourselves that I'll start when I'm more prepared. Lie, you'll never feel fully ready. I need more time to think about it. Lie, you're just delaying action. I need more time to think about it. Lie, you're just delaying action. I don't have what it takes. Lie, you've never given yourself the chance to prove otherwise. So here's a reality check.

Speaker 1: 15:37

The most successful people in the world have failed Many, many, many, many times, because that's how you grow. But they didn't let failure define them grow. But they didn't let failure define them Because, whatever that failure was, use it as a stepping block for growth. They saw it as part of the process. And that's exactly what it is. Failure isn't proof that you're not good enough. It's proof that you're growing.

Speaker 1: 16:20

Let's do a little mindset shift. What if, instead of fearing failure, you saw it as evidence that you're on the right path? You're on the right path. What if every mistake was just a stepping stone instead of a dead end or a cul-de-sac? It's more like a cul-de-sac you can go in and you come back out. Dead end you're just kind of stuck there.

Speaker 1: 16:54

Let's talk about comfort zones, because they are the trap that feels like safety. I'm fine, things aren't bad. At least I know what to expect. Have you said any of those things to yourself? Because do these sound familiar? That's the voice of comfort zones, the sneaky little trap that keeps us stuck in situations we say we don't want, but stay in anyway, because you say you really don't want that, because you're more comfortable right where you're at.

Speaker 1: 19:42

Because here's the truth change is uncomfortable, even when you know it's necessary. So we cling to the familiar, even when it's necessary. So we cling to the familiar, even when it's toxic, because the comfort feels safe. Our brains are wired to avoid uncertainty. Even if it means settling, we fear the unknown. What if the new path is worse? What if we fail? What if it's harder than we expected? Or we tell ourselves we have time? I'll get serious about my health later. I'll start that business when the timing is right. But let me ask you this? Has waiting ever made you feel better? Has staying in your comfort zone ever led to real happiness? Here's another reality check. Your comfort zone might feel safe, but it's also where dreams go to die. If you want change, you have to get uncomfortable period Period. And here's a little mindset shift for you Instead of asking what if I fail, ask yourself what if I succeed. Instead of fearing discomfort and the scariness of it, start seeing it as the price of growth of it. Start seeing it as the price of growth Lack of self worth, something I struggled with for my entire life, and it is the deepest root of all.

Speaker 1: 21:47

Have you ever asked yourself a question like who am I to chase this dream? Who am I to think I deserve better? This is a big one, because deep, deep down, a lot of us don't follow through on our goals, because we don't actually believe that we are worthy of the success, the happiness or the love. Maybe you grew up in a home where you were told to be realistic. Maybe life has knocked you down so many times that you are convinced, and you have convinced yourself, that settling is just what people like you do. So you self-sabotage yourself, you shrink, you avoid taking up space, because if you truly believe you are worthy of more, why wouldn't you fight for it?

Speaker 1: 22:58

I struggled with self-worth in different ways and I, even today, struggle with it, because there are some things that stop me dead in my tracks, and it's mind-boggling to even myself, but it still is there and life has knocked me down several times and then it seems like every time I start to get back up, something else happens. But that is just the reality of life, right? So I just need to be confident and build my self-worth up, because here's a reality check for both you and me you are not broken, you are not unworthy, but if you don't believe that for yourself, no amount of success will ever be enough. That is my reality, that is your reality, that is everyone's reality. You are not broken, you are not unworthy, but if you don't believe that, for yourself, no matter the amount of success will ever be enough. So here's a mind shift on that. Your worth is not something you earn. It's not. It is something that you claim, and I want you to claim it. And the second you start acting like you matter, the world will reflect that right back to you.

Speaker 1: 25:14

Now let's talk about how to stop the cycle and keep your promises. The good news is that you can rebuild yourself, starting today. Why not today? Let's start, but it requires action, not just your words. Requires action, not just your words. So let's talk about some game-changing strategies.

Speaker 1: 25:39

One stop making empty promises. If you say you're going to do something, mean it. Start small. Set one non-negotiable goal and keep it. Two write it down. When you put it on paper, it's real. A goal isn't just written, it's just a wish, so write it down. I wish that this would happen. It's like if you say a goal in your head, then you can always do that thing with your mind right, you're self-conscious, subconscious, but if you write it down, it's there in front of you. It's there for you to look at.

Speaker 1: 26:32

Call yourself out is three If you hear yourself making excuses, pause and ask is this true or is this fear taking Talking? Is this fear talking? It's not taking you anywhere? Oh, it's taking your happiness, but is it fear talking? Oh, it's taking your happiness, but is it fear talking? Because you need to learn to start calling yourself out. The other thing you can do is number four find an accountability partner. You don't have to do this alone. Get someone who will lovingly call you out when you start slipping, someone who will lovingly call you out when you start slipping.

Speaker 1: 27:22

And then five take one action today, not tomorrow. Today, because small steps lead to massive transformation. I want you to remember that your words to yourself matter, because here's the truth you are capable of so much more than you are giving yourself credit for. The only thing standing in your way is you. So I'll ask this one last time how are you going to lie to yourself? How long are you going to break promises to yourself? Isn't it time to finally show up for you? I believe in you. Now. It's time for you to believe in yourself. It's time to stop lying to yourself.

Speaker 1: 28:24

You say you want more, you say you're tired of feeling stuck, but are you actually willing to do something about it? Because the truth is, no one is coming to save you, no one is going to force you to change. The only person who can break this cycle is you, and that starts by keeping just one promise today, not tomorrow, not next week. Today. So here's an action step for you, right now, before you move on with your day, make one small commitment and follow through Just one, because every single time you promise to yourself, and every time you keep a promise to yourself, you take your power back, and I want you to take your power back, and I want you to take your power back. Did this episode hit home? If it did, please share it with a friend. Please tag me on Instagram at lifecoaching, underscore with Lisa and tell me your biggest takeaway let's start keeping our promises to ourselves, because you deserve it.