Breaking Free from Narcissistic Abuse

Have you ever felt like you're constantly walking on eggshells? Questioned your own reality after conversations? Found yourself apologizing for things you didn't do? These aren't signs of weakness – they're potential indicators of narcissistic abuse.

This deeply personal episode breaks down the complex world of narcissistic relationships and the profound impact they have on your sense of self. We distinguish between occasional narcissistic tendencies that many people display under stress versus true Narcissistic Personality Disorder, highlighting how both can damage your wellbeing. The key difference? Tendencies are situational while NPD represents a rigid, pervasive pattern across all relationships.

We explore the devastating cycle that keeps so many trapped: love bombing that makes you feel special, followed by devaluation that crushes your spirit, then discard and hovering that pulls you back in just when you thought you were free. This pattern creates a trauma bond that's incredibly difficult to break, especially when combined with isolation tactics that cut you off from support systems. The most important message? You don't need a clinical diagnosis to validate your experience – if someone's behavior consistently makes you feel unsafe, devalued, or drained, that's enough reason to create boundaries or leave.

For those considering leaving or healing from narcissistic relationships, practical guidance is offered on building support systems, securing resources, setting boundaries, and the essential emotional work of recovery. Through journaling prompts and forgiveness practices, you can begin releasing the pain while understanding that forgiveness doesn't mean excusing the abuse – it means freeing yourself from its continued power over your heart. Remember, the woman you're becoming isn't someone new – she's the authentic you who's been waiting beneath the pain, ready to reclaim her radiance, peace, and joy.

Journaling Prompts

1. Naming the Experience
    Where in my life do I feel like I’m walking on eggshells? How does this impact the way I show up each day?
2. Reclaiming Your Voice
    What parts of myself have I silenced, hidden, or given away to keep the peace? What would it feel like to reclaim them?
3. Letting Go of the Hook
    What do I keep hoping will change in this person that hasn’t? What would it look like to accept what is and begin releasing my attachment?
4. Vision of Freedom
    If I imagine a life free from control, criticism, and fear—what does that life look like? What does my day feel like when I am safe, respected, and at peace?

Chapters

• 0:57 Welcome to Unleash Your Inner Radiance
• 4:10 Understanding Narcissism vs NPD
• 10:48 The Cycle of Narcissistic Abuse
• 13:48 Warning Signs and Red Flags
• 19:07 Strategies for Leaving Safely
• 21:37 Healing and Reclaiming Your Radiance
• 26:57 Journaling Prompts for Recovery

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:29

Welcome back to Unleash your Inner Radiance. I'm Lisa, your guide through transformation, forgiveness and the journey back to your most authentic self. Today's episode is one that I have had several women personally ask me to create, because I do a lot of stuff on forgiveness and on mindset and finding your authentic self. This has become an issue, especially over the last you know, especially over the last five years, because I know there's a lot of abuse that happened coming into and out of COVID. But that is a whole nother issue and not an episode we are going to do today. But if you've ever questioned your reality, felt drained from constant criticism, felt like you're always walking on eggshells or lost yourself in a relationship that really never, ever gave back to you what you poured in, I want you to know that you're not alone. And today I want to shed some light on what narcissistic abuse looks like and how it impacts your well-being, because a lot of narcissistic abuse causes women not to do self-care and I'm not talking about losing weight or any of that kind of stuff, it's just doing the little things for yourself. Because a lot of women have a tendency if they're moms, they get lost in their kids. If they're you know dog moms, they just you know you. Just you find something to focus on to kind of shut out the narcissistic abuse that's happening. And when you're in the throes of it, I don't even think that you realize that you're actually in the throes of it, right? So I just want you to know that you're not alone. So I just want you to know that you're not alone and I just want to shed some impact, make some impact today on if I even speak to one person today that needed to hear this. I want to do that. So you know there is leaving. That's the good news. You can leave, you can rebuild, there is freedom and there is a you waiting to rise again.

Speaker 1: 3:32

So let's talk about understanding narcissism, because it rears its ugly head in different ways. It's gaslighting, it's lack of empathy, it's control. It can be financial control, emotional control you know all that kind of stuff. It can be sexual control. It can be blame shifting. They do something wrong and guess what? It is your fault. You start an argument. It's your fault. Even if it's something that they did, it's always your fault. It's never their fault. It's I did this because you did this, or you've got the love bombing. Sorry, I needed your quarter, followed by devaluation. So they love up on you and love up on you and then tell you you're fat and ugly. We don't need to hear that. No one needs to hear that.

Speaker 1: 4:34

So now I want to talk a little bit about the difference between narcissistic tendencies and someone who actually has narcissistic personality disorder, npd. There is so many different things out there. But narcissistic tendencies are just behaviors or traits that someone may show occasionally or in different situations, like they seek attention or they struggle to take feedback, even if it's constructive criticism right, or they're being overly focused on appearance or success. They could be overly focused on your success or what job you have, your success or what job you have. These traits in this, in the tendency part, can be. You know, they can just come and go and they don't always define the person's entire way of relating to others. And many people may show narcissistic traits under stress, because it is a stress thing, under stress because it is a stress thing, or in competitive environments or during certain seasons of life. But you know, you might be wondering how do I know if the person in my life is really a narcissist or just someone showing narcissistic tendencies and narcissistic behavior. That's such an important question because the difference between narcissistic tendencies and narcissistic personality disorder say that five times really fast.

Speaker 1: 6:32

Here's how I'm going to break it down. Someone with narcissistic tendencies might show traits like craving attention, struggling to take feedback or constructive criticism, or being overly focused on their success or your success, their appearance or your appearance, your success, their appearance or your appearance. But these traits may only show up in certain situations. Like I said before, stress causes it, competitions cause it, different seasons cause it. They may still be capable of empathy and healthy relationships, even if those traits come out sometimes.

Speaker 1: 7:18

Now let's talk a little bit more about narcissistic personality disorder, because it's totally different. This is a diagnosable condition recognized by the DSM-5. These traits are not occasional, they are consistent, they are persuasive, they are pervasive and you often see a deep lack of empathy for others or the constant need for admiration and control, kind of like a sense of entitlement, and they also have a pattern of exploiting or manipulating others to get what they want. To get what they want. So the key difference is tendencies are situationable or situational and flexible. Npd is rigid. It's a pattern that shows up across nearly every area of their life and in their relationships.

Speaker 1: 8:36

But here's what I really want you to hear you don't need to diagnose someone to know their behavior is harmful. If you feel unsafe, constantly devalued or drained in a relationship, that's enough. Whether they have NPD or just a strong narcissistic tendency, the impact on you is what matters most. Your experience is valid and your well-being is a reason enough to set boundaries, to create distance or to leave. And if they have true NPD tendencies, they're not going to like your boundaries. They're not going to. They're not going to. You can create distance, but if you put up boundaries and you should be able to sit down with somebody and say you know, these are my boundaries right now With them, it's not going to happen. So, like I said, you don't need to diagnose someone to know if their behavior is harmful. Whether someone shows you NPD or just shows you narcissistic tendencies, what matters most is how their behavior impacts you. How is it impacting your behavior? Whole body, how is it? You know your mind, your body, everything. How is it impacting you If you feel unsafe, devalued or constantly drained? That's enough to walk away, and in a little bit I'm going to give you some journaling prompts. Now I want to go talk a little bit about the cycle of narcissistic abuse Love bombing, devaluation, discard, hovering. Love bombing, devaluation, discard, hovering it's like that. It is repeated. They love bomb you, they devalue you, they discard you. They come back and hover and they love bomb you again. It can happen month after month. It can happen year after year. Some people see a year we go on a trip, then this happens, this happens, this happens, this happens. We go on a trip and it's just to say, oh, I love you and this is what I'm doing for you. Narcissistic abuse takes a deep toll on you. It takes a toll on your anxiety, depression, physical exhaustion, trauma, responses. All those things are not good for your body, not good for your mind. So you may find yourself apologizing constantly, even when you did nothing wrong. You may even keep giving more and more and more and more, while feeling emptier and emptier. Does this sound familiar to you? If so, know that there's nothing wrong with you. The cycle is designed to keep you hooked, not to help you heal. Hooked, not to help you heal. That's why I said it can happen every year. It could just, you know, every three months something happens. And then you go on a trip and everything's perfect and then it just makes it. It makes this thing. It can be just a whole bunch of different things. I'm just saying that one person I talked to that's what happened to her and it just it's a cycle, literally, that you get stuck in and unless you have someone from the outside saying, hey, that's not how it should be, you just get stuck. Maybe you're focused on kids, maybe you're focused on your job. You just don't realize it. You just don't realize it. They do everything they can to keep you hooked. Now signs that you're living with a narcissist. I'm going to give you guys some red flags that you can look for. Walking on eggshells If you are walking around your house walking on eggshells just waiting for him or her to blow, that's not living. If you've got constant criticism or even subtle put-downs like, oh, you're looking fat today, or oh, you shouldn't wear your hair like that, or you know just anything, right, just gaslighting your entire reality. Right, just gaslighting your entire reality. Control over finances or your decisions Financial control is huge. It is huge, and you know, some people just turn their checks over and they get an allowance. It just happens. Narcissists also isolate you from your friends and family, and they do it slow enough that you don't realize it happened. So I want you to work on naming the behavior, because that is the first step to reclaiming your power. So if you are walking on eggshells, give it a name. Give it power in the name, because then you understand it, you can list it and then you can just put it back right, put it up on the shelf for later. I'm just going to gather all these things. I'm going to give it a name, I'm just going to set it up here on the shelf for a little bit. I'm just going to collect all the things that are done to you, because naming the behavior is the first step to reclaiming your power. I want you guys to journal on something. This is the first one that I'm going to give you guys today thing. This is the first one that I'm going to give you guys today. Where in your life are you giving away your voice to someone who isn't listening? Where in your life are you giving away your voice to someone who isn't listening? Isn't listening? Talk a little bit about leaving a narcissist. I had a really good conversation with somebody who left one. It's going to be difficult, it's going to be emotional, it's going to cost you a lot of money and sometimes it's going to get physical, because they don't want you to leave. They want you to stay in this cycle that they created to keep you happy to start the abuse, to make you angry, to just hover and then do the thing that's magical just hover and then do the thing that's magical. So it's. It's when you're leaving an abusive person. It is our narcissistic person because they are abusive it. What it is is abuse because it's when you're with somebody who's narcissistic. You're usually got financial abuse, maybe sexual abuse, you've got mental, psychological. You've got a lot of healing that you have to do and what I want you to do first is build a support system that you can trust Friends, family, a support group, a coach, something like that. Next, I want you to set firm boundaries and expect that they are going to push back, because they are going to push harder than you've ever seen them push. Then I want you to gather the important documents and financial resources very quietly, because you want to get those before they do. And then I want you to cut contact or go low contact with the narcissist. Leaving isn't just about walking out the door, it is literally untangling your mind, your patterns and your heart. And you deserve more than just surviving. You deserve peace, respect, love and a whole lot of self-love. Five this is segment five. That's why I said five Healing after narcissistic abuse. It is really hard to let go. It's when you're, when you leave and you're working on healing, you're wondering. A lot of anger comes up, a lot of anger at yourself. It can be directed at yourself, because you're angry because you stayed for so long. You're angry because you stayed for so long. You're angry because you let it happen. You're angry because no one told you. You're angry at yourself for putting yourself in that and staying. That's why it's hard to go, because trauma is bonding If they keep you trauma I'm going to say traumatized because they keep you in that circle. You're just literally going in a circle. The abuse happens. You get happy, you get mad, you get angry. It just it happens. It's a vicious cycle that you get stuck in. So there's different healing tools. You know when you leave you're going to struggle with grief and mixed emotions. And when I say grief sadness because it ended, sadness because you didn't leave earlier, sadness because it was such a fight to get out I mean it'll be financially, mentally, psychologically draining. It will be. But there's different therapy you can do. You can do journaling, you can do forgiveness work. That was huge, huge, huge for me. I went on a huge forgiveness journey and I put together a workbook because it helps you. It really makes you think and a lot of us have. We don't even we don't necessarily need to forgive somebody else, although almost always you can find somebody to forgive, right. But a lot of us need to forgive ourselves and think about what you would tell your younger self, right, because that's what the workbook puts you through. And then I want you to remember that forgiveness doesn't mean excusing what they've done, because it doesn't matter if you're angry at them or you forgive them, they still don't think they did anything wrong. They still don't think they did anything wrong. So there's no reason to stay angry for the next 20 years because to them they did nothing wrong, nothing wrong. And then I want you to remember that forgiveness means releasing the hold their actions, their actions, have on your heart. Here's an affirmation for you I release the pain of my past. I am worthy of love, respect and freedom. Now let's talk about reclaiming your radiance. Paint a vision of what life looks like on the other side. I don't care if you have to have a vision board. Take yourself to the most peaceful place in your heart and create a vision of what it looks like on the other side. On the other side, peaceful mornings without chaos, rediscovering hobbies, joys, friendship. How about finding your calling? How about feeling confident in your own decisions, because you get to make the decisions now. It's going to be hard at first, but you get to make them. And how about learning to trust yourself again? That is going to be hard at first, but you get to make them. And how about learning to trust yourself again? That is going to be really hard. I once, oh, one of my friends told me when she was leaving that she went out with this guy and they sat talking and about an hour into their conversation and they were just talking about different things, he looked at her and he goes see any red flags? Yet and she was just like who said I was looking for red flags? It was just like, and she's like, oh my god, it was that obvious that I was looking for red flags that he called me out and said like, oh my God, it was that obvious that I was looking for red flags that he called me out and said how many red flags do you see? And so you know it happens right. But I want you to know that the woman you're becoming isn't someone new. She's a you who's been waiting underneath all the pain and she's ready to rise. She is ready to rise Now. I'm going to give you some journaling prompts. I'm going to give you four different journaling prompts. Number one is going to relate to naming the experience. Where in my life do I feel like I'm walking on eggshells? How does this impact the way I show up each day? Two, and I will drop them in the show notes too. Two reclaiming your voice. We're going to talk about that. What parts of myself have I silenced, hidden or given away to keep the peace? What would it feel like to reclaim them? Three letting go of the hook. What do I keep hoping will change in this person that hasn't? What would it look like to accept what is and begin releasing my attachment? The last one vision of freedom. Remember, I told you to put together a vision board, or find your happy place. If I imagine a life free from control, criticism and fear, what does that look like? What does my day feel like when I'm safe, respected and at peace? Those are four powerful, powerful journaling prompts, and they will definitely get you thinking. But I want what I want to leave you guys with is living with and leaving a narcissist is one of the hardest journeys you may ever walk, and you're going to have to walk through it, but what I want to tell you is that it is also one of the most freeing. You are not broken, you are not too much and you are not alone at all. There are many, many more women in this kind of trap. You're not alone. If today's episode spoke to you, please share it with a friend who may need to have this reminder also. And if you're working on this path yourself, I want to invite you to take the next step toward healing. Inside my forgiveness course, I guide women through the process of releasing all the pain of the past so that they can step into the life that they deserve. Of the past, so that they can step into the life that they deserve. So message me or check the show notes for more details, because you don't have to do this alone. Thank you so much for spending the time with me today. Please share this episode out with anyone who you think maybe needs to get this message. Until next time, remember this that you are strong, you are worthy and your radiance is just waiting to shine. See you next week.