"Until The Body Drops" | TP&C | Episode 96

Episode 96 — Until the Body Drops
Think Pieces and Conversations Podcast

In this episode of Think Pieces and Conversations, I talk about watching an old version of myself die in real time.

Until the Body Drops is not about physical death — it’s about transformation. It’s about the moment when the person you used to be can no longer come with you into the next level of your life. Sometimes evolution requires a burial. Sometimes growth demands that you shed the old skin, release the pain, and transmute everything you’ve been through into something stronger.

In this episode, I reflect on different stages of my life where old versions of me had to die: parts of my childhood, parts of my teenage years, parts of who I was a few years ago, and even parts of who I am right now. Every version carried lessons, scars, mistakes, survival instincts, and pain — but not every version is meant to survive the next chapter.

I talk about reaching another level and realizing that there is still one more version of myself that has to drop. One more layer. One more weight. One more identity that has to be released before I can fully step into the next version of myself.

This episode is about pain, evolution, rebirth, discipline, self-awareness, and the cost of becoming who you are truly meant to be.

Before the next pinnacle, something old had to die again. 

Transcript

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Until I see my old self body drop. That's the that's the words that came out of my mouth. Until I see that body drop, I will not be satisfied with whatever the result is. Even though I would be grateful. I feel like I was talking to a thousand-pound weight that was stuck on my leg, that was stopping me from growing, moving, becoming something else. Hate, fear, pain, and anger can be a person's greatest fuel if transmuted properly. I don't think that there's anything that brings forth a more productive version of us when we pull power from the things that are supposed to defeat us. I have a confession. Yo, welcome to another episode of an unexpected unexpected think pieces and conversations. And I've been struggling for a long time to really define what this podcast is about. What is this podcast about? There are other podcasts that are relationship podcasts, there are other podcasts that are gaming podcasts, there are podcasts that are criminal uh crime podcasts, conspiracy podcasts. There's so many different genres out there in the universe. I never really define what is this podcast for. In one time, in one day, in one night. Not believing fairy tales as in I can't manifest it. But there was a different part of me that believed that if I just imagined it and not worked for it, it would just magically come to me. But that's just not how life works. Life doesn't work like that. Life works when things happen. There is a result or defining moment before that that gives you the reason why X outcome has happened. Maybe that went over your head. So I'm singing, I'm like, I ain't doing no more favors. I ain't doing no more favors. So I kept saying that. I'm like, yo, I ain't doing no more favors. The person that I was before not too long ago was the type to do favors for folks that wasn't grateful. And I realize that I value when people are grateful. I value reciprocation and I am accepting nothing less than reciprocation. The old me used to just do things just because. I only ate six eggs and wasn't hungry. Decided to work all day when I got tired. Chose not to take a break. When I saw this favorite YouTube channel that has some of this content that I wanted to watch, I chose to skip it until I was done. A lot of these habits that are becoming habits have never been done before until today. So a part of me died that day. Scarcity when I thought about this person. And I mean that a hundred percent. I'm being a hundred percent honest. After I disconnected, it was like the man inside me became stronger, more sure of himself. I always had this before. I always cut off that connection before. There was always a time when I cut off the same connection multiple times, but this time felt different. This time was like, oh, you serious now? You really believe what you're saying right now. Is your old self about to die? Many times in my life. In this current cycle of life that I'm in right now, there's many times where I have figuratively died. There's many times where I went through trauma that has killed the old version of myself at that point before that trauma happened. And after the fact, I was grateful. I was even grateful for the things that created that trauma. Those things may be more powerful, those things may be more sharper, those things may be more of who I needed to be for the next level, for the next devils that step in my path to becoming the amazing man that I'm supposed to be, the amazing man that I am right now, the one that I picture in the very near future that will manifest itself from the one that I'm thinking in my brain right now. There's one more death that has to occur. This is not a literal death. I'm thinking back to this astrology thing that I was doing. This lady at work, uh I forgot her name, um, but she did this astrology chart for me. And it wasn't even a chart, it showed numbers on it, a bunch of numbers. And it showed me something called a second pinnacle. My second pinnacle is coming very soon. I don't know what it means for a person to hit their second pinnacle, but when I saw it, I was like, Pinnacle peak. Oh, that means I got a lot more growing to do if I'm only hitting my second pinnacle at this age coming up. So all them times that I died before, figuratively, was only leading up to this big quantum leap that I'm supposed to experience in this very near future, and I had a realization with myself again. I said, There's one more death that has to occur before I feel satisfied with who I become until I see my old self body drop. That's the that's the words that came out of my mouth. Until I see that body drop, I will not be satisfied with whatever the result is, even though I would be grateful. There is an old self, a big part of that old self died a couple days ago. A lot of my fear went away, a lot of my unsureness went away, but I feel like there is a little bit more of it trying to stay afloat and trying to stay alive, and I can't allow that to happen. So, for my viewers out there, you will experience a lot of different things and a lot more content, and it's gonna be an output that you have never seen before, that I have never seen before, and it's all due to trauma, if you can say, Grief, having to let go, having to destroy and rebuild. This is many times that I've been through a destroy and rebuild phase in my life, in this current life. So me being afraid to do that again is non-existent. When I was a kid, childhood, uh middle school. I was a very soft kid. Sheltered, was always following my cousin around, didn't know who I was for a very long time. The kids used to pick on me. I didn't know why. Now at this age I realize I was handsome and I was more handsome than all them niggas. So they was hating. But as time went on, there were times when I was forced to show some teeth, forced to show people who I was really on the inside, because the truth of the matter is I wasn't really soft, I was scared for everybody else of what I'll do to them. But I was taught wrong. I was taught, yo, turn the other cheek, don't hit back. Old Christianity. Then I realized, nah, you gotta stand up or they're gonna keep going. So as I got older, there was a resentment that built in my soul and my spirit, in my soul and my spirit. So when I actually got angry, it'll be like a whole nother side, a whole nother demon, a whole nother righteous force, I should say, and when I say righteous force, it's a righteous force because now I'm justified in being angry, so everything that will be released upon the opposition will feel justified, so that intensified whatever was happening at the time, even right now. So right now, I don't get angry with uh it's not uncontrollable anger, it's controlled anger. My words are sharper, my mind is sharper, I hit where it hurts. So when I made this tweet, there was many times in my life where I had to transmute hate, fear, pain, and anger into something special, into something tangible, into something positive. But at this age, at this next level that I'm about to step into, I've kind of mastered the transmutation process. It's very hard. This last traumatic event that I experienced a heavy form of betrayal years ago, and I had to transform because it felt like death, it felt like my old self was dying and I couldn't hang on to that version again. I started working out. I started getting a six-pack, had one in high school, decided to gain more weight though, decided to read, decided to meditate. When I went through the last traumatic event, and I was introduced to meditation. I meditated for 30 minutes. Maybe the first time I meditated for an hour because I had to get rid of this pain. This last thing didn't feel like pain, it didn't feel like trauma, it felt like I had to drop something off a cliff. I had to let go of something, something that was holding me back, something that wasn't giving me what I wanted, and not even because I didn't deserve it, it's because they didn't deserve me. So as I slept yesterday, I slept, and the old thoughts that I used to have that would make me feel fear, jealousy, hate, anger. I purposely thought those same thoughts that would give me those. Feelings, they no longer gave me those feelings, those feelings turn into arousal, those feelings turn into excitement, those feelings turn into confidence because this ain't the first, second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth time that I felt taken for granted by this thing. But this is the first time where I was like, yo, leave me alone. That's it. I felt like I was talking to a demon. I felt like I was talking to a thousand pound weight that was stuck on my leg, that was stopping me from growing, moving, becoming something else, greater. I had to watch that body drop, not literally, figuratively, and that was in the form of my old self, and that was in the form of that thing or that person that I had to let go and never look back, even though I let go of that thing, some parts of me is still alive of that old self. I have a confession. So I could get the best out of me. Sometimes I put myself through scarcity so I could get the best version of myself under pressure. Under pressure, I become diamond cut trillion cut diamond. Whatever's harder than diamond, I become that. So sometimes I'll be like, yo, I'm gonna go get this thing and put myself at the worst position so my brain could become creative enough. So my stamina could increase, so my strength could increase, so my body could feel that fear, so my body could feel that pain and break through. Sometimes I put myself through a debt, I put myself through certain things, a struggle, just to see the best version of myself. Maybe I'm insane, but every time when I come out of it, I become the best version of whatever I was. I become I get a level up, I get a an increase, I become a giant. From before this next one is gonna be enough weight so I can fly. Is there a version of you that you gotta see dead killed? How long are you gonna wait to make sure that body drop? I'm out of here.