collin eades: "authentic: anchored to the core, honest self"

it's funny looking back now, having grown up in so many of the same circles (youth group, friend groups, etc.), & only after officially meeting a couple years back realizing just how much collin & i have in common. & yet, beyond similar childhood experiences, overlapping tastes in music, and shared beliefs/interests, there is something absolutely unique at the core of my friend...and that's exactly what we get to dig into this episode.

just like co-working on a music project, the joy of this conversation hides in the discovery. collin is honestly one of the most curious people i've had the privilege of calling a friend. he asks such deeply considerate and thoughtful questions whenever we hang out, so it was seriously enjoyable to be the one asking all the questions this time around.

a note: how do you stay connected to the authentic? i believe we all have a "core self:" the part of us that grounds us, is true & truthful, that holds us together when maybe everything else is falling apart...if you aren't already, consider that part of yourself and try your best to stay tethered to it. 💛

Transcript

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will 0:24

Hey, Will here. Just wanted to give a big shout out to my friend Tom Henry. He bought three whole coffees over on my Buy Me a Coffee to help support the show. Dude, Tom, thank you so much, man. I still remember uh my first season a couple years back when you uh did the Buy Me a Coffee, and just that when that notification came across my phone, I just felt so, so honored. Um, just knowing that these episodes were reaching you all the way out in New York, um, encouraging you and uh just getting your support uh means so much. So thank you. I mean, just even if you just messaged me and were like, you know, hey, this has been really encouraging, that would mean so much to me. But this on top of that is just incredible. So um thank you, man. Um and yeah, to anybody else, um feel free to jump on my buy me a coffee, no pressure on that. Help support the show, buy coffee tea for my next guest. Um, the way that I've been doing it is uh the show itself to keep it up and running, to keep all my episodes up, it costs about five dollars a month. Um so it's about 60 bucks a year. Um then when I'm actually uploading on a regular basis, it costs more like 20 to 25. So um kind of in the midst of all of that right now. So um any support is so appreciated. Uh it doesn't have to be a buy-me coffee, it doesn't have to be financial. Literally just shoot me a message and let me know what stood out to you, something that encouraged you. Um, it all means so much to me. Um, but yeah, thank you again, Tom. Thank you to everybody else for your support and listening and uh just being a part of this project. So um let's go ahead and get into this episode. All right, welcome to the Wildflowers Podcast. Um, tonight I have my friend Colin on, and I'm so psyched about this one. Uh, literally, as I was making a list in my notes early on in this project, your name came up. It was like this will happen at some point. And uh I've been carrying this little Yeti microphone of mine to Nashville and back for months now, knowing this would happen eventually.

collin 2:37

Hoping.

will 2:37

Yeah, that's right.

collin 2:39

Laying out the red carpet, and every time I'd say, no.

will 2:42

It just it's not right, yeah. It's not right. No, it's right. It's so right. That's right. I mean, you gotta wait sometimes, make sure that things feel right. The vibe is right tonight. So here we are. Um speaking of the vibe being right, uh I met you well no, connected with you over the phone like 21. 2021.

collin 3:09

I think it went from Instagram DM to text, yeah, to phone, to voice text. That's right. To voicemail, to phone call.

will 3:19

Exactly.

collin 3:22

Smooth transition.

will 3:23

It was, yeah. I mean, it was a Tom Hanks rom com. If I've ever heard of one. Bromcom, yeah. That's it, I think. Um But no, Joy was I think I don't know, she'd been going to a manual for a little while, but you were on the worship team. And I think she went up and said something to you or texted to you, or whatever. She must have gone up and said something to you. Because what the story I heard later on was she saw you on the stage and was like, oh, that's someone Will should be friends with. And man, knowing you now, knowing you and how cool you are, what a compliment. Thanks, dude. Perfect, perfect. Yeah, worked out. I mean, I just I just thought that was cool. I mean, let so let your wife pick your friends.

collin 4:08

Grateful to Joy for that, for sure.

will 4:10

Yeah, thank you, Joy. Um but yeah, no, it's been cool. I mean, so basically, I think she reached out. I don't know that she even knew that you did music production.

collin 4:21

Well, not to discredit you, but I think she just talked to you. I don't remember her ever interacting with me, because I got a random DM from you saying, Hey, okay, yeah. I do music stuff. I saw on your Instagram bio, you also maybe do music stuff. Do you want to work together on something? P.S. I think we went to the same youth group. Yeah, nice. Okay. Sure enough we did. And we absolutely did. And before I even read your message you sent, I knew the name Will Young, and I thought, oh cool, what a blast from the past. So that's awesome. I don't think we had ever crossed paths, really. We had just maybe known of each other. I think my family knew of your family or something like that.

will 5:03

That sounds right. And vice versa.

collin 5:05

Yeah.

will 5:06

Um no, I even put in my notes here because I remember we made the connection at some point that when Jack, my youngest brother, passed, you and your mom, maybe a sibling of yours, was at the celebration of life.

collin 5:22

Yeah. Yeah.

will 5:23

Which is so cool. Because I think your mom was like a mentor of Melanie's or something at the time. Okay. Through youth group or something like that. Uh-huh. Like Melanie was the connection there. Uh-huh. But um. Just how cool.

collin 5:36

Yeah.

will 5:37

So totally. I don't want to say came full circle because I don't think that's what that means, even.

collin 5:43

Well, we took an extended journey. Yeah. We took the scenic route to get to the same destination where we'd meet as brothers. Totally, exactly.

will 5:51

But we made it. Something that could have happened years prior. Probably would have been like, I wasn't doing music stuff at that point, too.

collin 5:58

To bring it full circle, as you said, the timing, the timing is right. It's all about the timing. Yeah. Exactly. What was that? 2021 when you messaged me about music stuff? Yeah, totally. Yep. 201.

will 6:09

Yeah. Yeah, I think you were at that point. You just gotten married. We're in the midst of getting ready to move to Nashville.

collin 6:16

Mm-hmm.

will 6:17

So I think I caught you right before you tore down your setup to move.

collin 6:21

Mm-hmm.

will 6:21

You were like, yeah, I can do a song, but here's kind of my deadline. Okay. Something like that. From what I remember. But it was cool. Uh-huh. Yeah. So yeah, you did the song, and then we were like, well, that's never gonna happen again.

collin 6:38

Joy, do you know of any other guitar players in a manual?

will 6:42

Who else does the worship over there? Yeah. But no, seriously, you did that one, and I was just like, oh, this is my guy now.

collin 6:52

Oh sweet. From here on out. Likewise, it was it was a musical connection at first sight, first listen.

will 7:01

Yeah, man. I think I remember you saying, Are you a fan of John Foreman?

collin 7:08

Yeah, I feel like one of our it's fun to think about this because our earliest kind of like bonding happened through music for sure, and probably through shooting each other, different artists we both liked. Totally. But didn't know the other person like we just say, Hey, you kind of remind me of this guy. Yeah. What do you think of him? And you'd send back, oh, this is this is it. This is it, man. This is awesome. Oh, it's awesome. And just I think for me it felt like it slowly dawned on me, wow, I mean, this guy have a lot in common. Yes. Even beyond music, like just style, visuals, stuff we're kind of into and think is cool. And then also like heart connection eventually. Oh, totally. Realizing values and Christianity and how we view Christianity, how we navigate relationships, all of that.

will 8:00

Because it all looks a little different than in youth group. Yeah. Still. Shout out to the uh the old Greenwood youth groups. That's right, exactly. Um I don't think I missed anything here, but I just I just thought that was cool when she was like looks like he'd be your friend. And um, I didn't have any friends at that time. So it really was good timing. Exactly. When your wife is arranging play dates for you. Um But no, uh it's funny too, because there's definitely been times and maybe you've had this experience where there's been like double dates, and you're just like, wow, this is never gonna happen again. Like you have you're lovely people in your own lane. No.

collin 8:54

But dude, you gotta clarify that we didn't actually hang out. Like all of this, like two years worth of Yeah, back and forth. Back and forth, many songs at this point that we worked on together. Um, and probably like at that point, we were just sending each other cool music every now and then outside of any projects we were working on. But still, this was all virtual because I moved to Nashville probably two or three months after we quote met over text and all. Um and at that point, you had your own stuff going on in Indy, and uh it was like two, two or three years later that we actually hung up for the first time in the right.

will 9:42

Yeah, in the 23.

collin 9:45

Which was a full circle moment right there. For sure. I think I got out of the car and ran into your arms and we danced around in a circle. Totally. Did a sweet dual guitar solo together.

will 9:59

Yeah, exactly. I think that was so wild too, because like um the more I think we talked even in person that one time. It was just like I didn't realize how much we actually had in common until we were actually in person and just talking about. Oh really? Like just people we knew, things like that, where it was just like it all kind of became a little bit more like, wow, okay. Like, um, there's a lot more in common here. I don't know. It was just that was just a kind of a neat realization.

collin 10:28

I don't think you've told me that. That's cool.

will 10:30

Yeah, man. I would feel like a fool to not mention.

collin 10:35

Oh, I hope you're about to mention what I think you're gonna mention. Because I was gonna mention it if you weren't.

will 10:40

Yeah, be uh lay it out there, dude. Lay it out there. Yeah, I can't remember what happened. I think we're standing out in the driveway, kind of talking, like you know, for the first time.

collin 10:50

And uh No, it wasn't that soon. We had gone to coffee or something like that.

will 10:57

Yeah, the vibes were good. Too soon because the coffee run was also tied to the hardware store run. Oh, you're right. Yeah, so Joy comes out and she goes, uh the toilet is leaking. Um, and you and you're like slapping on the gloves, like ready to help.

collin 11:15

You know, I don't know if I've told you this, but so basically, to clarify, you guys were in a house kind of geared toward moving out at that point. So it was it was in this like situation of house life where you don't want things to break and fall apart. Exactly. And as according to that lifestyle goes out, stuff breaks and falls apart, uh-huh. And you had a toilet that started leaking and kind of flooding the bathroom while I was there. Yeah, totally hanging with you for the first time.

unknown 11:52

Yeah.

collin 11:53

Uh the thing I don't think I've told you is there's this quote from my favorite book by Donald Miller called A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. And the quote is real silly. It's about uh this this author goes on a trip to Canada with like these rough and tough guys on like some sort of men's retreat. Yeah. And in Canada, I guess they have free health care or something like this. Correct me if I'm wrong, but um they play these like guy games where they're jousting each other with reels like javelins or whatever the jousting sticks are called. Oh dang, okay. And uh basically like just guys being guys but getting very close to killing each other first sport, just for the fun of it. And this author in doing so has this epiphany where he realizes guys bond best when they risk their lives together. And that's always stuck with me. Wow. Scale risking your lives together way back to fixing a leaky toilet together, and you get that sort of similar effect of like when something goes unexpected and you're with a buddy and you get to kind of navigate that slippery slope together to something that feels like, oh, alright, time to roll up our sleeves and like there's a bonding that happens, I think. And I remember this toilet feeling to me like a fun opportunity to like take down any sort of social weirdness or like politeness and like truly do something with you that felt like oh, we're just working on a toilet together, bro. This is raw life. This is bonding. Yeah, yeah. And that was cool for me. So I totally jokes aside, it's that's awesome. Actually, like, yeah. I'm not glad your toilet flooded, but I'm glad for the opportunity it provided to like right out of the gate.

will 13:54

Have a story to tell. Yeah, like this is Mount Doom for us right now. For sure. Yep, Frodo and Sam here chucking along. But no, no, I love that.

collin 14:07

I think that's the fellowship of the ring, the wax ring.

will 14:10

The wax ring. That's awesome. And then a couple hours later, return of the ring. Yeah. We were back. And we were back, and yeah, it worked. Totally. No, I was glad I'd never done that before. And you were like, oh, I literally just like gutted my bathroom and rebuilt it. And so, like, thankfully you didn't like start with your kitchen. Yeah, right, right.

collin 14:34

I was gonna say, and thankfully I had just done it, because otherwise I would have forgotten. Yeah, totally. And good timing.

will 14:41

It really was, yeah. So thanks again, man.

collin 14:44

So that was the first time we went out. It was awesome. It's a good time.

will 14:49

One of the things I was gonna mention though too about you, like on the production side of things, that like instantly really like made me appreciate you was music production.

collin 15:00

Uh-huh.

will 15:00

Yeah, totally. You would always give me feedback. Like things you liked. I mean, typically it wasn't like uh critique per se, but it would just be like, I really like this, or I like what you're saying here.

collin 15:13

That's cool.

will 15:14

And I'd worked with other people in the past too, and like they did a good job, but like the lack of feedback made me just like feel like there was an opportunity for a much more personal touch that I was missing out on. That's cool.

collin 15:31

Yeah, I mean, I appreciate that.

will 15:33

Good.

collin 15:34

That just always meant a lot. I've always enjoyed the opportunity to like share in someone's passion for the song they're working on.

will 15:48

Mm-hmm.

collin 15:49

And how like especially it's true with you for sure, and other select artists where they are truly being honest about something and writing a song for themselves rather than for money or popularity or whatever it would be. And in those moments, it's like really cool to meet someone with where they're at and what they're trying to express, and it's it feels like it takes it from doing a job for someone, like a service job, to hanging out and like both being passionate about something. So yeah, that's really cool. That's cool that you felt like that was valuable.

will 16:30

Uh totally. I don't I don't think I realized how much it was until I had it all of a sudden. I was like, oh man, I've been going a long time without this. And like I think, yeah, because you and I have had a lot of conversations too about like chasing a vibe versus like authenticity. And I just feel like that was like that was always speak very much so into like the like you would speak into the the vibe but also the authentic aspect of it. Cool. And just in terms of like authenticity, yeah, you don't get any more authentic than let's fix this toilet. It's true though, dude. It's true. Like it's like it's pretty gross if you really think about it. It is jumped right in, like so that was just that was just cool.

collin 17:18

Yeah, and and you're I think it goes along with like realizing we had stuff in common because your your lack of making it a bigger deal than it was or whatever. Like it's a leaky toilet. At the end of the day, it's not right, totally take care of it, it's fine. There's worse things out there, but some people might freak out over that or totally whatever, but like oh what bad timing.

will 17:44

Like you're literally over here right now, or whatever. Yeah, yeah, or something like that. Yeah, that's cool. That's cool. Uh well, obviously, got you on here. Recognizing you as a a wildflower, um unique, gifted, and these really cool ways, and like I feel like already kind of tapped into some of those, obviously, but like um I don't know, that's been one of the really cool parts of just this project for me, even too, is like recognizing that like um I feel like you and I have talked about this too, but like we're you I have friends who uniquely can bring very unique things to my life. And I'm not looking to one person to be this holistic, like everything. Um but all these things that you've that you are has just been uh I don't know. I've just I've really enjoyed thinking about this project, this conversation, and just and who you are. Um all that to say. Um But so to turn it really over to you. You know, my typical wild ther question What makes you feel like you're blooming? What makes you feel like you're wilting? And I want to obviously spend the appropriate amount of time on each of these things and just like really get into your head, into your heart.

collin 19:12

Such a huge question. It's intimidating in many ways, and I feel like there's so many different things that I feel like cause me to bloom, caused me to wilt. It's tough to pick the answer, you know. Yeah, totally. Um, so the very first thing that comes to mind is um I think I've I'm a self-admitted introvert rather than extrovert.

will 19:40

Mm-hmm.

collin 19:41

And I think it's been important for me to realize that, especially in uh the creative field of music and production and all, I'm working with creative people. Cause there's so much pressure I've found from other people to network or Or to make your circle really big or always be meeting so and so or whatever. And it's challenging to feel like I bloom when I'm by myself and can after a certain amount of time with people start to feel myself needing a break, or you could call it wilting. Wilting feels a little dramatic, but uh I think I've been trying to learn how to uh create time for blooming by myself, but also create time for being around people and have the both coexist. So I'd say I get the most energy when I can be around people to a certain point where it's like, all right, this is really wonderful. I've loved this, I feel inspired, and now I'm ready to go take this inspiration and like sit in a room by myself for a bit, and in the context of music, that would be like working on a song or something. In the context of just like hanging out with people, it would be like it's time alone to do my own thing, whatever that would be. Yeah. And I feel like that's my time where I really feel like I bloom and I can I guess have the clearest thoughts. Um is the the sacred introverted time. Right, totally time of myself. I don't think I would say the wilting time is like the opposite of that, like time with people. Because I I do think time with people is wonderful. I would say the wilting time um within the context of like introverted versus extroverted, and what I think I've discovered about my own personality is probably when I push the extrovert or the being with people time too much. And uh it's usually for the sake of trying to be something I'm not, like appease people or the fear of missing out on something would cause me to stick around longer than I truly feel like I have the capacity for.

will 22:15

Yeah.

collin 22:16

Because the ideal would be to be a gracious and loving presence at all times, and uh when it crosses that threshold for me of suddenly feeling like, okay, I think I'm ready for some time by myself, and I keep pushing for the sake of pleasing people or fear of missing out. I think that's when I start to will, I start to feel it. It starts to be a facade more than a true authentic version of myself.

will 22:41

So is it when you hit your limit, is that something you feel, or something you would maybe start to express and then go, oh, I think I've hit my limit because maybe now I'm being short with someone or something like that.

collin 22:54

Yeah, I think it's all internal. Okay. I think it manifests itself um much less externally, because uh I'm so focused on uh this is a whole nother tangent, but we've talked about Enneagram, Enneagram personality types, and totally um for me I identify with the Enneagram type three, which is someone who's heavily geared towards what other people think of them and impressing people. And I really think that's true of me in in the context of crossing the extroverted threshold to the point where I'm on not being my authentic self. I think I'm very focused on trying to impress people or put on a likable personality at that point at the expense of being authentic. And I think it manifests itself just through that, like feeling like I'm more facade, more trying to please than truly wanting to be present with these people.

will 24:01

Yeah. It makes a lot of sense. Yeah. Um just like going back to just like being around people and whatnot, too. Oh, I've been seeing some different stuff on like for creatives especially, like you can only consume so much before you just feel like you're overflowing with this game to like create. It makes me kind of wonder if just like people or something like that taking away from you almost feels like you're taking in everybody else's energy or that inspiration or whatever. And you kind of hit capacity, or maybe a little more than you need to go and create something. And for you to do that, maybe it's like that space where you're alone and can actually do something about it. I don't know. I don't know why that thought is connecting for something.

collin 24:53

No, absolutely. I think there's a lot of truth to that. Um When I first moved to Nashville, I was working on uh a bigger music project that was all geared around worship music, creating a certain type of worship music. Oh, yeah, right. And because of that, I was uh writing with people, and that was the first time I've ever done that. I don't consider myself a songwriter. I think I do a lot better like helping other people with their songs than being the guy coming up with a song. But that meant like in a room with one to two other people trying to write a song and maybe like an hour or two that would then hopefully be good enough to be cut by an artist or recorded properly by an artist and then released. Um and I learned about myself like there's two different versions of me creatively. There's the version of me that is with other people creating, and uh it's it's quickly uh that version of me quickly expires as far as the quality of what I'm able to do. Because it feels like so much of my energy is put into just being with people and enjoying that. I I don't want to make it sound like I hate being with people. You're not like anti-special actually. Hey dude, this I've had enough of this. I gotta go. You just walked out. No, um, but uh the energy is it's like equally put into enjoying other people's presence and being the extroverted calling.

will 26:33

Yeah.

collin 26:33

And then also like trying to creatively come up with something, and so it's at the expense of being able to put everything into the creative side. Uh so there would be that version, and then when people would leave, I would kind of have this sense of relief and like a deep breath. And okay, now I'm gonna take this song that we've come up with, and I'm gonna be by myself and put the like polishing final touches on it, whatever. And I'd feel like that was me truly being able to be creative and like actually come up with good ideas and like take time to tinker with things, and uh it felt like Jekyll and Hyde, like two different characters. Um, and I enjoyed both, but uh to answer your question and kind of what you were commenting on. I think I think it's true. There's like a um there's a need to take space to be able to fully create to the best of my ability.

will 27:39

Does that make sense? Yeah, it does.

collin 27:40

Yeah.

will 27:42

Makes a lot of sense. I think for oh early on, my creative stuff. I almost saw the um people times or or literally just having to even do a day, things that weren't creative, as like a form of a necessary evil. Like to get to that. To get to things. Yeah, totally. Interesting. Yeah. Um so it was I don't know if like um for you when you finally got on your own and you're did you kind of start to see the people stuff as like getting in a room with people, then spitballing all these ideas was a bit of a necessary evil? Or is that maybe a little too dramatic?

collin 28:21

A little too d maybe, yeah. I mean, I totally think what you're saying is valid, and I can in many ways put myself in those shoes. I don't think I would use the term necessary evil, because it never felt like uh trial by fire, or like that's not the right phrase, but like the passage I had to take in order to get to the thing I actually want to do, because I truly did enjoy it. Cool. Um and I'm using past tense because I don't do that sort of thing anymore. Yeah. But back then it was fun and it's inspiring to be with other people and challenging because other people have ideas you don't and all. Um so in some ways it feels like less of a passage to get to and more like an opportunity to gain other thoughts and other forms of inspiration to then take into my Hermit in the Cave time where I'm really dialing it in or whatever, you know.

will 29:24

See, I would not have I would never have thought of you as an introvert. Really? Someone who's deeply introspective, but like I don't know. No, that's cool. That's actually cool to learn that about you too.

collin 29:38

As an introvert who is a three on the Enneagram, aka wanting to impress people, wanting everybody like me. That's yeah, I'm thrilled to hear that. Because everybody loves an extrovert. Totally, yeah. Introverts are wonderful too. Shout out to all the introverts out there. But they don't get the popularity in all the extroverts sometimes get to enjoy.

will 30:04

So that's cool to hear. I'm just kidding around.

collin 30:07

But that is funny though. That's yeah, it's surprising.

will 30:11

Yes. Well that I'll give this transition to C.

collin 30:23

Nice. Well done. No, man, this is great.

will 30:27

But uh I mean uh the way that you've answered this already, just taking it to the creative. I just want to talk now a bit more about music. Like origins for you. I would love to talk about it. We were literally just having a conversation before we started about like early 2000s, being really psyched about music when it was uh CDs, family Christian book store. When it's when it felt like music was more like a post-apocalyptic oasis of like I found the fame. I think precious was the word you were using, but uh back in those days maybe were your origins. Um yes. What uh I don't know. Um what originally drew you to music? To music, yeah.

collin 31:17

Uh quick version. I grew up in a musical family and grew up in a family where my dad, for like the first half of my childhood, like up to 16 maybe, he was working for churches um and like contemporary churches. So I was around worship bands all the time.

will 31:39

And yeah, cool.

collin 31:40

I think both of those things having a musical family. Both parents played instruments and sang quite a bit, listening to a lot of music. And Sundays kind of having the backstage, the church backstage pass to see the worship bands, you know, because dad's early, because dad would like, I don't know, do announcements or whatever for these churches. And this was like in the early days of the mega church, so like worship bands playing upbeat music was kind of a new and cool thing. Yeah. So the worship leader having long hair and rocking a guitar was cool. Oh, yeah. Nowadays it feels like really cliche or wouldn't. Uh but back then to little little me, that was hugely inspiring. So I I would like this is so embarrassing, but I would dress up as my favorite worship leader. Yeah. Like at the church we were going to, and he had a ponytail, so I like wear a t-shirt around my head as a lid, a little guy. Nice. Like act like it was a ponytail, strum my little toy, pink guitar. I think it went from there to um listening to more and more music. Like we were talking about earlier, CDs were the way to listen to music. And uh I was fed a strong diet of solely Christian music, but it was cool at that time. Like some of the music that was coming out felt new and edgy, and I think the production quality of it was really high. Um, we to name drop, we mentioned Portable Sounds by Tobinak and Switch Foots Beautiful Let Down, which is an incredible album. But yeah, it's like stuff like that. I was just eating it up. Um and yeah, I think I I also was just surrounded by random people like neighbors or friends, um, or friends of my parents that were musicians. So I'd like go over to my neighbor's house and he got a drum set, and he was a few years older than me or whatever. And I remember just like watching him play for the first time and just have having this reaction where I was just laughing, like unexplicably laughing, at how cool it felt to watch someone play drums like in front of me like that. And that's always stuck with me because it's felt like a pivotal moment where it seemed like I've I've got to do this thing, I've gotta be a part of this more than just like consuming it. And I was super young at this point, but that led to a passion for drums, and I got a drum set, um, and then eventually moved from drums to guitar, and then guitar kind of became the primary instrument through middle school, through high school, and then eventually college. And uh my dad was still working with churches, so at that point I was in high school and college, and um decent enough at guitar to be able to worm my way into the worship band with and uh uh just start to have experience like playing with a band and all, and that was just an amazing opportunity. I'm so grateful for growing up in church solely for that, um, amongst many other reasons. But I think that continued passion for it stayed throughout all those different seasons and uh yeah, eventually brought me to now where passion's still there.

will 35:23

Yeah, it's totally. I love the laughing reaction.

collin 35:27

Yeah, dude. I was thinking the other day about that, because I was thinking when's the last time that has happened? Because it it happens every now and then where there will be a particularly incredible musician, and I'll just laugh. It's it's kind of weird.

will 35:46

Is it almost like like awe? Or just like it's like it's kind of stupid you can do that.

collin 35:54

Uh the faith side of me would say it feels god-given. Like there's just some sort of like child that returns to like a just beautiful innocence and like something that God has created, it is being shown in such a pure way, someone showing their talent, um, music in general, like to see that in that certain way, uh just like has it causes this reaction where I just I love it. I could it's it's just goofy because I feel like it's almost like a crying laughing sort of thing. Like I could probably equally crack up at it, like, oh, this is so amazing. And also just like it could bring tears to my eyes just because it's just like a strong emotional reaction, and it's really rare, especially as I've uh amazingly been exposed to better and better musicians, um, had the privilege of being around really good players and all. I feel like you know, every time that happens, it's kind of like uh a new tolerance is built up. Uh-huh. You know what I mean? That's a bad way to say it. But like I don't know. It's a really good way to say it. It just means like, because it started with uh my neighbor drummer Nathan playing drums as he was probably like third grade or something, so young. Right. And that cracked me. It just gave me that reaction. But it wasn't like he was he was good, but it's not like he was a prodigy or something. Maybe he is now, maybe he's taken off. I hope so. But he's aged in tandem with you and matured musically.

will 37:43

I don't know about with me, but I just want to impress you, Colin.

collin 37:48

Um yeah, but yeah. Kind of droning on about this, but I would say to take it back to your original question. Yeah. It's been moments like that where it's felt like, wow, this this feels written in me somehow, this whole music thing. Oh yeah. Like I see something in it and I I want to be a part of it and not just appreciate it from from a distance. So yeah, that would be what has gotten me in the music.

will 38:18

This is hearing the superhero origin story. I don't know, man. I because I don't know. I think there's something just like um, you know, people will say that like little kids are just more in tune and uh more in tune to things happening around them or frequencies, so on and so forth, wavelengths. Yeah. Um, that I just think that there's something really cool to having an experience like that as a kid. Hmm, that's cool. You continue trying to stay in touch with. Yeah, totally. Like, absolutely. That's just wild. I don't know. And that being said, there's an innocence there.

collin 38:58

Yeah, totally. And like a unfiltered receiving of things.

will 39:04

Yes.

collin 39:05

Like the way you're processing it and all doesn't go through all these premeditated, is this cool, is this not? Yeah, totally. Like, whatever.

will 39:14

Yeah, yeah, totally. I don't know. It makes me think of the like uh the kid in you or something where people are like, like, I don't know, I I saw something recently, and it was and it's kind of stupid, but where it's just like, who are you trying to impress? And it's this guy, and he like holds up a picture of himself as a kid. Like, this is who I'm trying to impress. I just think there's something kind of funny about just like I had this experience when I was a kid. Well, who are you trying to impress now? The kid. Yeah. I just want to live up to that thing that sparks me in the beginning. Oh, that's really cool. Yeah. No, I'm glad you like that. Yeah.

collin 39:56

Definitely.

will 39:57

And I also really like that you had like And I do too, but very like a fond looking back on like the getting to be in the church culture in that way. Absolutely. Having music. Like I've thought that so many times over the years, and just almost as something to kind of like wake me up. But just like how like when do you see normal adults get together and sing on a regular basis? You know, unless you're like in a totally choir or something.

collin 40:30

Like it provides such an opportunity for community and bringing musicians together. And it's also just a really pure, like focus way to do it as well. Yes. Um, you don't have a as well, I should be careful here, but I'd imagine you don't have as many like band breakup moments. Uh Billy, who plays the guitar, is ticked off that he's not getting as many solos as he wants or whatever, so he's walking off. Because like it's people coming together for a common goal of uh doing something that's hopefully gonna be bigger than themselves, and for for God would be the ultimate goal, of course. And uh sadly that doesn't always happen. Um, but yeah, I'm with you. I have such an appreciation for it, and specifically the the quote megachurch model of churches. Um seeker sensitive is a term I use a lot. Uh churches geared towards those who might be showing up to church for the first time or the first time in years after a really sour experience or whatever, and like that's kind of taken over the Western church world, it seems, um, for better or for worse. But as much as I might be turned off by the trendiness and kind of lack or loss of the plot with the modern church and mega churches and all, I still have an appreciation and fondness for it because it was pretty essential, I think, for the way I grew up and community, even just friends and all, beyond music. Yeah, totally. Yeah.

will 42:18

Yeah, no, great answer on that. Um this could be a cliche musician question. But obviously, we know who your influences were then. It was Ponytail. Uh-huh.

collin 42:33

Robbie Ryder from Vineyard Community Church.

will 42:36

Yeah, heck yeah. There's your shout-out, Robbie. But um, yeah. You know, as time has gone on, who do you feel like have been like some influences or great inspirations over time?

collin 42:50

Dude, this has turned into a music podcast.

will 42:52

Oh, totally. Um this is what it's always been supposed to turn into. Well, if this wasn't gonna be my all-out opportunity to make it a music podcast, then I'm I messed up with that.

collin 43:06

Oh, that's great. This is fun. Umspiration? What yeah, inspiration? How did you say that again?

will 43:19

Over time.

collin 43:20

Over time.

will 43:21

I feel like maybe there's some though. It could be really like core? Core, yeah. Like since the beginning to now. Like, yeah, almost. I mean, you answer that however you'd like to. I mean, it could even be fleeting, like this person really stood out to me, but they don't anymore. And that's okay. Um, yeah, but I feel like there could be some different core ones where you're just like, this is me. Like, this is this will almost like I could see myself really jiving with this in 20 years.

collin 43:49

Yeah.

will 43:49

You know.

collin 43:51

Oh, interesting. Oof. It's a lot of pressure then if it's gonna be it in 20 years or something. No, I I immediately have an answer. Um and it is a Christian band. I will say I listen to way more non-Christian music these days, but uh newsboys, and not the newsboys that everyone knows today because of all the scandals going on with them. But I'm talking 90s, 90s newsboys. Oh man, Peter Furler, Phil Joel, Jody Davis, Jeff Frankenstein. I'm such a nerd. I can name all their names. I just realized that. But that's all they were they were huge for me. And I it probably if I didn't grow up in a Christian household listening to mainly Christian music, and I I don't even think that was as a result of my parents. I think it was more due to my dad being a pastor and he did a church plant for many years, and um, I think he must have gotten like free CDs from whatever music organization sends out Christian music to churches to like play at the Yeah. So, anyways, um we had a lot of Christian music. Newsboys was by far the uh front runner for what I felt inspired by. And listening back now to those like 90s Newsboys CDs, um they're just so creative. And they've got so much stuff going on that feels much less about trying to serve what's popular or serve what's gonna get them played on K Love, yeah, and much more like just doing what they felt like was cool. A lot of emulating what was popular at the time and like just putting Jesus-centered lyrics around it. But even with that being said, their Jesus-centered lyrics felt uh like tackling pretty big topics. Oh man, yeah. Much less playing it safe or like pick yourself up, you're gonna be okay, Jesus loves you, like that sort of music, which feels kind of like Caleb in a nutshell right now. Is it okay to be dissing Caleb like? Absolutely, okay.

will 46:15

Please bring it. Yeah. That's also a side project of this podcast. Yeah. Right. Um, but anyways.

collin 46:27

Don't don't even bring up Forrest Frank or whoever else we were talking about earlier. Right. Couldn't, even if I wanted to. I don't know much about it. But uh Intentionally in the dark. Yeah, dude. News boys were the coolest to me. I gravitated towards them. And even now, like there's still stuff I go back to and listen to. I think when they had the lead singer change, which I don't even know when that was, like early 2000s or something. Yeah. Uh things totally dropped off as far as what I liked about them. And totally. I nowadays kind of feel okay about that. Like kind of glad I jumped off the bandwagon at that point because the whole thing has kind of gone up in flames recently with that new lineup. But anyways, um that'll probably be a core reference for me for the next 20 years, I'd say, just because it feels like what was immediately inspiring. And since then I've um, you know, listened to kind of what was going on in music outside of the Christian world in the 90s, and that's been fun because there's a lot of bands that Newsboys were clearly emulating as a Christian band at the time. Right. Um, that I've gotten into and realized, oh, okay, so this is the sound they were going for. And these are probably the guys that pioneered it first before a Christian band like Newsboys jumped on it and was like, oh, we should write this with Christian or whatever.

will 48:00

I feel like you always hear of like your U2 or like Coldplay-esque kind of like that's kind of what I was at the time or something.

collin 48:09

Yeah, well, I feel like I hear about those as more the modern worship sound, like uh Bethel Elevation and all that. Oh, okay, yeah. The stadium stadium rock. Oh, I can totally see that. Worship music has seemed to exclusively become minus Maverick City music and the spin-offs of that. But um No, you're right. Those are you're absolutely right, those are huge references in in the Christian music world. And probably rightly so for many ways, because both of those bands, I think people grab on to the uh big feelings, the large sort of aesthetic they have, and these anthems. Anthems is a great word, yeah. And I think people want in many ways to frame God in that way a lot of times, and rightly so. Like I think that is a a facet of the one true God is large, big, kingly, and um yeah, I I think it makes sense that people the feeling I get with the coldplay song I want to have when I'm sinning the the fifth tag of the chorus of this worship song.

will 49:37

Nine minutes in. Yeah. Well no, I think there's yeah, it's funny you say it too, because now that I'm thinking about it a bit more. You two and like Coldplay, for example. Not that I want to take the conversation this direction so much, but um there is kind of like a vagueness or almost like a purity to some of what's being sung about where you could almost be like someone of the faith could connect with it a little bit more easily and be like, this is what we kind of want to try to do. Uh-huh. Because somehow these guys are able to connect with all these people. Like 100%. And worship music should be able to do the same thing, or yes. Whatever we're calling it, yeah. Yeah.

unknown 50:16

Yeah.

will 50:17

And there's just something kind of neat about that. Yeah.

collin 50:19

Um, absolutely.

will 50:21

That being said, I don't feel like Newsboys was ever like really like vague. Felt like they were always like, like I think you're saying, they're like like their lyrics felt like we're tackling stuff. Uh like we're going after like specific things.

collin 50:36

Yeah, man. And like in extremely clever ways, too. You know, another thing about them, I just it just dawned on me that I really liked, probably realized I liked less at the time back then when I first got into it, but have grown to appreciate now in the context of what has become popular in CCM and worship music, contemporary Christian music and worship music. Um, it they never took themselves too seriously. Uh, and that was true of kind of other stuff at the time. We mentioned Portable Sounds, album by Toby Mack. Uh these albums were kind of full of jokes. Newsboys would use like uh there's a writer that collaborated with them in the 90s called Steve Taylor. Yeah. You heard of him?

will 51:26

Yeah, so I listened to some interviews. Yes, he's a really neat dude. Yeah.

collin 51:30

Probably my number one inspiration for lyrics. Because he tackles the big stuff, but he's doing it in the context of writing a song about like a breakfast club, like the newsboy song Breakfast. It's like talking about real stuff, uh, life after death. What does that look like? But it's all done in such a funny, clever way that just makes it feel like human, unlike no, I'm not gonna get into that. I don't want to compare it to the stuff I don't like necessarily. Sure. But that was another thing I feel like I was drawn to about then, and still am today, and probably why I I'll continue to kind of think of them as oh, I'd love to shoot for that sort of thing.

will 52:19

Yeah. Like how do you how do you take something big, how do you take something relevant and spit it out in a clever way that engages people.

collin 52:31

Yeah, and also acknowledges that you're human. I think that's where the uh oh man, yeah, the um not taking yourself too seriously comes from. Uh is the the acknowledgement that I don't have all the answers. And let's kind of laugh at the ridiculous of the fact that we're all hopeless without a savior, without something bigger.

will 52:54

Yeah.

collin 52:54

At least that's how I interpret it.

will 52:57

Absolutely, yeah. That's that's pretty authentic, the way they would do it. I mean, I feel like that word kind of keeps coming up. Mostly because I keep saying it. Nah, dude, it's my favorite though. Totally.

collin 53:10

But that's cool.

will 53:11

Okay, so those guys. You feel like there's another one you'd want to mention here that you'd feel like, man, if I don't mention this person.

collin 53:20

Go another 20 minutes talking about. Uh yes, but let's move on.

will 53:25

All right, it sounds good. Great question, though. That was fun. Awesome. No, I I like the the direction you took answering that. I was full-fledged there. Um Well, so we talked about you with a pink guitar and a t-shirt wrapped around your head as a little dude. Yeah, that's right. Um and and inspirations that could potentially be constant.

collin 53:50

Yeah.

will 53:51

What do you want to do? Where do you see yourself continuing to go and doing this? I have ideas. Specifically with music? Yeah. Just like keep staying in touch with that past version of yourself. What does that look like?

collin 54:05

Yeah. Well, I think um part of my story is moving to Nashville, kind of expecting things to blow up at that point. Um, and then having a total change in plans with our uh me and my wife's living situation. Yeah. So we moved down there, started renting a house. Nashville housing market is absolutely crazy, so getting a house to rent was kind of a miracle. But as a result of the crazy Nashville housing market, we found out um about a half year into our rental situation that uh the landlord was gonna sell the house we were renting, so we would be needing to find a new place to live after our year lease was up.

will 54:51

Yeah.

collin 54:52

So that resulted in a huge scramble, and um ultimately decided we're gonna try and do the crazy thing and maybe buy a house, maybe buy a fixer upper, because that seems like the only way to really get a house, but we don't want to keep renting, especially if we're just gonna be kicked out of the houses we're renting because they're being sold. Um so we ended up buying a fixer-upper house. And the funny thing they don't tell you about fixer-upper houses is you gotta fix them up. And that doesn't really jive well with wanting to get a full-on music career started in the state you just moved. And I like I moved there with projects going on. I it wasn't a total cold start, but uh I quickly realized after we moved into this house we bought that this is gonna have to be my full-time job. And in many ways, I was looking forward to that, but also it felt like I'm gonna have to press the brakes on the music side of things for a bit. Um and I finished out the projects I had on the books, and um since then have transitioned for the past two years, excuse me, to being uh a house flipper for our own house exclusively. So that has significantly changed the where do I see things going answer as far as music goes.

will 56:28

Yeah.

collin 56:29

And I feel like my answer now is I just hope to do whatever God has created me to do. And that sounds cliche, and I've also realized it's much easier to say that than actually do that. But I think kind of in the in the like intense dream I have, like desire to do music full time and to tour as a guitar player and to produce music for people and be a part of projects at a level where it's you know, like working with really talented people, etc. Like, I don't know. All of that feels like uh like I have to give it up to a certain degree because I've come face to face with the fact that life is unpredictable, and no matter how hard I try, and no matter how hard I work for it, and no matter how much I want it, like ultimately it's just gonna cause stress and anxiety and probably lots of disappointment if I don't realize that I'm here on earth to serve God, and that's the very best groove I can fit into. And if I can kind of surrender my desires and really just acknowledge God, I think you've given me somewhat of a gift with music, hopefully, and if there's a way that I could use that gift that feels fulfilling, that's what I'd like to do. Because I really think the best version of me as a musician or however I'm supposed to use that that piece of me would be uh however God has designed it and not however I like however I would choose to do it. So that's my answer is just I see things as uh unpredictable and therefore requiring me to listen and wait and take opportunities, practice, um be open and prepared, but at the same time be careful to not predict that's good.

will 58:58

I feel like the word of that is is something like uh you know actually being where God would have you be. Which could be whatever this dream is, this idea. It's finding almost the contentment of like, oh, I'm working on a fixer upper now. Yeah, totally.

collin 59:19

That's that's it. The thing right now. Yeah. And steward that to the best of my ability.

will 59:24

Yeah, totally.

collin 59:26

Yeah. And be grateful for whatever it is and whatever form it comes in, especially if it's something music related, like right. No matter how small it is, I'd I want to do it to the best of my ability and be grateful for it.

will 59:41

Mm-hmm. Yeah. I just I remember I read this book last year, and it was done by like a guy who has written recorded music in the Christian industry for years, and like so I was kinda like, what could I wondering what I could glean from it? But I remember there was one part I didn't. like very specifically where he just said something about like music or creative endeavors, all of it not being for self-expression, but as acts of worship. And I just didn't like it because I've just felt very much so like well we are the vessels in which maybe God has chosen to glorify himself. Yeah. Why are we constantly trying to remove ourselves from the equation? You know, and so it's like he's the one who said, I want you to do it, you know, I'm gonna give you the choice to do it. Uh-huh. And so the beauty of that though too is and what I'm hearing really very much so from you almost just feels this like this letting go of like I'm this vessel the conduit whatever that may be whatever I'm supposed to put my hands to creatively. Yeah. A home music uh building a family you know you're in for it you know and that's just that's what it's all about. I don't know.

collin 1:01:11

Yeah I think it it feels like coming to terms with the fact that God's design is gonna be best and truly believing that and because of that why on earth would I try and strive and work for anything different or like try and take the reins up myself and drive. And yeah I mean I come from a charismatic background I come from uh a way of thinking about God where I believe the Holy Spirit is active I believe God is uh is tangible in many ways and because of that it feels to me like a a true relationship a true um back and forth and uh much more than just the Bible as the only source of communication uh and because of that um it feels like I can seek guidance uh from God through not only the Bible but just like uh how Jesus God would interact with me through prayer or still small voice or whatever it might be opportunity and um I think keeping an open heart to those things in that direction however subtle it might be and trying to use wisdom trying to use discernment not foolishly saying this is God pointing to everything that feels good or looks right to me and slapping the God sticker on it. But being open and I I think that that's just what I want to really get in tune with and continue to try and be better at because it feels like that's the answer. That's the best way and someone has given me a gift I want to I want to know what their intentions were as far as how I could best use it versus versus me deciding.

will 1:03:25

Yeah because I feel like even where you're at that could be flowing on a hundred different people but they might not get it like you would have the opportunity to or like you've been built to like I I just the first time I got to come down there and stay with you guys. Um and you guys were incredible hosts um it was just so fun.

collin 1:03:47

Um but like it was just cool seeing you know trying to take in your life through your perspective a little bit more and just seeing where you're landed because like um you know you're in the part of Nashville that's like three quarter of a million dollar houses super bougie gentrified I'm totally kidding I was about to say you're saying we're in that area no yeah it's a it's a it's a like a very rough area um sure and like up and coming up yeah there we go no I'm just kidding yeah it's one of the the more uh uh less touched by people trying to make a lot of money areas of Nashville I hesitate to call it rough just because I really feel like it's in many ways peaceful and like it's kind of the untouched untouched untouched beauty yeah the untouched aspect of it has some beauty to it.

will 1:04:52

I'm sorry I didn't mean to interrupt no that's like no no no you're hoping um pull me along um but speaking to the untouched I mean like just getting to see where you're at and what you're doing it just feels like there's a bit of like a there's a hope to what you're doing in your place and where you're doing it. Oh cool and and then also like like there's gotta be some vision to landing in a space like where you're at and fixing up but also you know you toured me to that house that was like abandoned like across the street yeah across the river. Yeah speaking of untouched yes and it was just I don't know I feel like there were just different aspects where it was like this could be really meaningful to me. Like I see these things I would value these things in my own way. Yes but seeing that value through your eyes of just like this is where we're at uh this spot right across the street that was abandoned where we've literally like salvaged things for our home that are old and like you know gonna last and give them new life. Yeah that's just really cool. I don't know I don't absolutely I could be wasted on so many other people I think is what I'm trying to say. And so sure for yourself to land there.

collin 1:06:08

Well I think that's a it's kind of an example for me of feeling like God God's way is best. Yeah. Because I have learned through this now three year journey of working on this house with no end insight. No just kidding uh but it has been three years of working on this house I've and not doing music stuff as frequently as I expected I've realized I really enjoy this and I really enjoy this area. I really enjoy this house I really and I would have never picked to get kicked out of the rental and buy a fixer up or instead of music but now looking back at it I feel like wow this has actually been awesome um yeah so yeah totally there's an appreciation for for the surroundings I think that has come from I wouldn't have chosen this but now I'm here and gosh dang it let's look around see where we're at and choose to appreciate it make the most of it yeah and in doing so realize huh maybe this was better than what I was planning for us right for me.

will 1:07:24

Yes exactly does that make sense it makes perfect sense okay I think there's just something really cool too like and this could be oh it's own subject its own episode just about but in a world so dead set on like consumption consuming consuming consuming yeah where so many things just end up becoming like I can buy this thing off Amazon you can buy this thing off Amazon mm-hmm a million other people are gonna have the same thing you got to grab that sink for example yeah and and and that's just a really unique thing yeah and I think um anti-Amazon grabbing the the old sink from the abandoned house it's right that was a direct middle finger to Bezos it was dude I wrote a letter to yeah I think I've just funny it inspired me in a way too where it's like the tools in my life are the things that like if there was like a journey or a path yeah that's that I've been set to walk. Yeah I didn't these things aren't accidental. These things around me these tools these things even like inclinations things that have been in you since you were a kid and have pulled you in these directions these are all things to serve you. They're part of the design is that what you're saying yeah basically and like moving away from this like generic like you know kind of American dream esque type of thing into something a space that feels a little bit more like taking ownership of the things that are around you finding beauty in the old and the quality and the try and true.

collin 1:09:10

100% dude I feel like these are just very you things like I mean we've well I feel it creates depth yes like someone who's buying everything from Instagram or following the trends or whatever might look cool for the time being but um I'm speaking like I know what I'm talking about. Yikes I enjoy someone like you're talking about and I aspire to that someone who is interested in something or is kind of working with what's around them.

will 1:09:40

Yeah.

collin 1:09:41

And leaning into that instead of leaning into what's immediately in front of them or easiest to grab or because that tends to be what's trendy at the time and all right. So I think that's cool for sure. I'm with you 100%.

will 1:09:58

Now you know all that all that being said I mean just speaking of the authentic and I feel like we've naturally talked a lot more about some of the questions I had later on. So good job to you um hinted at him I guess. Yeah there you go exactly but like um I think you and I have had a handful of conversations about those like faith origins and so on and so forth. Yeah and I don't want it to be redundant or even feel redundant to you. But you grew up in the same youth groups pastor's kid and so on and so forth. Uh-huh what what do you feel like keeps your faith alive now? What are those things that speak to you? Because I found as I get older it's like great questions it is a lot of those things that were these like anchor points when I was young that just continue throughout time or feel like there's some deep soul level connection to something but totally yeah what is uh what's the Colin Ead's take on that that's I'm grateful to hear that I think that's one of the ways we bond that you have those things you have those anchor points and yeah uh I think for me it's um recognizing the radical lifestyle of Christianity and how different it is from the way of the world.

collin 1:11:25

The way of the world sounds so Christianese but uh I think what I mean by that is I definitely had a point in like high school where I I would say like I um decided I'd kind of screw the way I grew up with Christianity and all and it's a lot more fun to just do whatever I want and not feel like I have to quote do the right thing and whatever. And through that um I think I ultimately realized this is this is actually not the way I want to do things and simultaneously uh started working a part-time job and was around non-Christian people for the first time with these coworkers at this restaurant. Um and I think I kind of revisited uh different parts of the Bible but particularly um 1 Corinthians talking about love and in the context of people that weren't Christian and uh kind all the time and whatever at this job this part-time job um these verses started to make so much more sense to me and I felt like I like they clicked in a new way and I it felt like this is this is the way that's best like to treat these people who are kind of bullying me at this job like I had a really hard time with uh some specific coworkers there um I realized like Jesus' way is pretty radical uh to turn the other cheek to have love be um such a important guiding principle and to take the place of hate or retaliation and to view someone as a human and in need of grace and have their own story and forgiveness and loving those that are the victim and also the abuser like just pretty crazy stuff compared to how I felt like the world acts and because of that experience um I kind of like rededicated my life to God and felt like that was the first moment where I really accepted the stuff I had grown up with as my own. And I think I've carried that sense of um like this is this is what I truly believe is best and I want to have this closeness with God and I desire that. I've carried that f uh since then and I think that is what draws me to it and continues to feel like um real for me. And you've used the word authentic a lot uh that's a huge word in my life is authentic because I feel like I don't really want to have a part in Christianity if it doesn't truly feel tangible, authentic and radical there'd just be no point I feel like if I'm just like using it as a hobby or as a specific uh set of rules that I want to follow to be I don't know whatever. Just because it's I don't even know why people would yeah because sin is fun like there's a lot of stuff out there that can be entertaining for a bit or gratifying for a bit. Totally um lifetime's worth of yeah and it like I guess I just want to see things practically where I if I'm going to follow Jesus' way I'd want it to be better than the gratifying way of sin and I want it to tangibly feel that way because otherwise it seems like what's the point it's not truly going to be real if I can't um feel and see things from it. So yeah tangibility radical those are kind of the buzzwords I'd use to answer the question. Yeah I felt like a lot of rambling does that make oh it makes sense with that I hope it makes sense to whoever's listening to this. Spit it spit it back to me in like one or two sentences if you can to help me make sure it makes sense.

will 1:16:43

I think um at no I'll just say as you were talking I was thinking about yeah I've been had some conversations with other friends recently about our need and maybe my need I'll make it more personal as I've gotten older what keeps me when I come to Christ now and I try to do that as much as I can I'm not coming to have something put on me. I'm coming to undress to take something off of me and and there's these ideas even though too of like I don't remember when I put on apathy I don't remember when I started to um associate very heavily with like aspects of nihilism. Um but these things are on me. Yeah and so when I come to him I I just almost feel like I'm getting to speak that connect with that kid again in a way where it's like I'm not trying to like spew like a return to innocence talk so much is just like I think there are really true aspects to nihilism.

collin 1:18:04

Yeah.

will 1:18:05

I think there are really true aspects to there's a lot of things to be apathetic about apathy is uh apathy feels like a paralysis to overwhelm because you just don't know what to do. Sure. And I feel like I resonate that with quite a bit I mean just hop on Instagram and watch what's happening in the world just larger than this room. Yeah sure and it's overwhelming. Sure and what are you gonna do about it? Yeah um but so I think I just I I I just thought that was cool because as you were talking I just felt this there was this like this thought kind of getting stirred up of like that's what kind of keeps me coming back. And it's like it's as you step into the world or start that's that's the way of the world I guess. I I think I was just looking for a way of helping fill in in a less like uh Christian way what it means to what the way of the world is yeah the way of the world feels really heavy um which of course comes back to come unto me you know all you who are heavy and you're saying it feels better to not have those things on you.

collin 1:19:18

Yeah that verse you're totally exactly that right I think it's that and it's also I don't really care if I'm just following rules that's not good enough for me. It doesn't feel sustainable I just want to actually feel something and have it feel tangible. Like my relationship with Jesus being a part of what I think Jesus is tangibly doing in the kingdom partially restored as the earth is right now I think he's active I I want to be a part of that. If I don't feel that it really feels pointless to me and it I guess In a more realistic way, it just doesn't feel sustainable. Yeah. No, totally. And the more friends I've seen that have like we grew up in high school together, being pals, going to youth group, being like they're Christians. I'm I'm a Christian. On fire for God. And now they're like the they're just at the very best, apathetic to it, or some like just undefined version of they don't really know what they believe or whatever. Um at worst, it's like a total denial of faith and whatever. And in some ways, to me, it feels like okay, good. You're at least doing what's authentic for you. And you're not just following what your parents told you to do or what your youth group where your friend group and community was told you to do. Yeah. But like on the same note, I think you can feel like just as tangible about following Jesus and have that be just as real life as well, like any other version of real life would be.

will 1:21:27

Yeah.

collin 1:21:28

Does that make sense?

will 1:21:30

It makes perfect sense to me. Yeah, yeah, I know. Thanks for checking though, too. I think there's uh I've all I've thought for a while now that Christians who start to look really worldly are just really lame versions of the world, basically. Kind of water down. Yeah, it's kind of like you take all of the like worst parts of Christianity and kind of like continue to like Frankenstein and resurrect the dead things.

collin 1:22:01

Damn. And also like And it seems much more like a desire to fit into a culture or a community or something like that. Yeah. And that's fine, I guess, to have a desire to fit in or whatever. It gets kind of messy when you're involving religion and Christianity. But it does feel like missing out. Mm-hmm. I guess. Missing out on something that's actually real, actually happening. Mm-hmm. At least that's what I believe. Yeah. Yeah, totally.

will 1:22:42

No, I I I don't want to just say that what you were saying makes sense. I want to say that it it makes sense, and it's also very impactful to me hearing it. Like that's inspiring to hear. I think I even as you were talking that too, like there's this song. I I don't it's some old hymn, I think. Mm-hmm. But it's Christ has no hands now but yours. Um, I think is the title. And the title kind of says it all, I feel like, but there's just something really profound about that. Um just like, you know, and that's the kind of Christianity I think that the world is desperate for, always will be. The kind of Christ where it's like to truly associate with the poor, to truly like take care of the people immediately around you.

collin 1:23:36

Yeah, man, that's the radical piece of it, I think.

will 1:23:40

To let let the word that you'd maybe been reading all of your life actually like have a hold on your heart in a way where you live in love toward the people at the pizza shop?

collin 1:23:53

Oh man, I mean, take it I would take it multiple steps further than the guy at the pizza shop. I think it's one thing to get all hyped up at the Sunday service about going out, and you know, next time someone cuts you off on the interstate, don't flip them off. Come on, guys, we're Christians, we can do this. What about like Jesus creating and loving the murderer and the murdered equally? I believe there's love for both, and the amount of grace that Jesus would have to die on the cross to give the person, the murderer, the ability to get to him. That's the sort of radical lifestyle I want to have. Verse, and I'm saying radical because the world would point fingers at the murderer, the rapists, the opposite political party of what you view, whatever it would be, but the grace and the love feels like that's just a direct opposite. And I would think that those who are truly trying to live like the way of Jesus are almost trying to live like a completely different culture, and we are foreigners of a foreign land. Yeah. And we believe like this land is going to be restored to the way God originally designed it. But until that happens, like we're completely acting different than those around us, and I think that should show. And to me, that feels like radical.

will 1:25:38

Yeah.

collin 1:25:38

And that's what I want to be a part of. Yeah. That's what I want to strive for, and that's what I feel like that the energy behind that and the idea of that is what keeps it relevant for me.

will 1:25:52

Okay. I uh want this to connect to your thought. Yeah. And I hope that it comes out better than I anticipated could. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But there's uh Andy Squires, I feel like we've talked about him before. Uh-huh. But he had he he's done a couple books, but one of them I opened up and it starts. I didn't realize this was in reference to a verse, but it just says uh it said, the kingdom of God is within. And so the verse I think is basically like the kingdom of God is within your heart. And just like um, like to imagine that place being like the fertile ground where we can let, you know, love, forgiveness, all these things actually like be seeds and take root.

collin 1:26:35

100%, yeah.

will 1:26:37

Is is dependent on your heart, you know, and just like and then there's also um there's two different YouTube shorts that I've seen like somewhat recently. Okay. And one had me like really excited, but it was a court case where this uh woman's daughter was brutally like raped and murdered. Um just horrible. Like somewhere in Germany. Yeah, and the guy literally like got up and basically like blamed the daughter and made it seem like she tempted him. Yeah. And this mom in the court pulls out a handgun and like kills this dude on the spot. And I just felt like ah, justice. Yeah. Like so satiated. Understandably, yeah. And it was just like so it but I feel like there were these dueling parts because then a few days later I saw this other short and this guy, um, there was some serial killer that was caught or whatever. Uh-huh. Another court case type of thing. And all these people are getting up and this guy and like just passing this guy off. Yeah. You're rotten hell, blah, blah, blah. And like the guy's face is just like stone cold, like, no emotion. And you've maybe seen this video, but then this big bearded guy gets up, uh, father of one of the girls that had killed me. He's like, I find it really hard basically to like to do this, but because of being a Christian, I feel I'm called this. I forgive you. And I like cry every time. Because it's just like I have this intense and I think it's this God-given sense of justice that's in my heart. Yes. And at the same time, this is the I know which of these is the high road here. And it's a beautiful example to have those two videos back to back. It was pretty cool, I mean, yeah. Yeah. That second one just like, like I said, every time tears, because it's just the coolest part, of course. I mean, especially if you've seen it, is the killer like breaks down. Like in the second video, and just like like has to look away and like like wipes his tears. He's basically, I mean, it's just wildly different. But they both feel right in some way.

collin 1:29:12

Yeah, and I'm glad because I do want to clarify that I think justice is righteous as well. Totally, yeah. Um, and I really can't say right now, like how they fit together. Like, uh how do justice and grace, how do loving one side, and you know, I would love to talk to someone who knows more than me, understands the Bible, God more than me. Be able to explain that, but I believe both are true, and I guess what I feel passionate about is the piece that feels like it goes missing the most, which is um an intense compassion, ability for compassion and love. And I guess even just like bare minimum seeing someone as a human and not wishing death on a person, no matter how much they've wronged you or someone you love, or someone that was innocent or whatever. Yeah, totally.

unknown 1:30:20

Yeah.

will 1:30:22

I remember seeing a video couple, or it not a video. I do do things besides watch videos because artist I followed for a while, he posted a picture out, and it was just like um something about God's love and so on and so forth for everybody. And the picture was a picture of Jeffrey Dahmer. And I just remember seeing that too. And just feeling this immediate, like, I'm ugh, I'm a this offends me.

collin 1:30:53

Yes.

will 1:30:55

Yeah. And like, I think that again, that probably is the same guttural feeling of sense of justice in that video. Yeah.

collin 1:31:04

Where it's like that's a goddamn can't be right.

will 1:31:07

Yeah, totally. Yeah. And so that speaking to that radical, that radical just feels like it's yeah, you had this, uh.

collin 1:31:15

Uh-huh.

will 1:31:16

But you chose to forget. Uh-huh. Or you chose to see this person still as a human, like you just said. Oh yeah. Like, you know. And I don't think there's small, I don't know that there's there could be varying degrees of that. But I think any opportunity that we have to rewire our thinking of seeing every person as being made in the image of God.

collin 1:31:41

Capable of grace, capable of forgiveness.

will 1:31:44

Yes, totally. Harder times, but I think it's all you know, it's all good. It's all part of the process of seeing and being and stepping into radical. I don't know.

collin 1:32:00

Yeah. Yeah.

will 1:32:01

Like you don't have to just look at serial killers, I guess is what I'm trying to say, you know.

collin 1:32:05

No, it's true, because on a more realistic day-to-day example, it wouldn't be that political parties come to mind. Yeah. Totally. Even, yeah, like little interactions. I joked about the idea of someone cutting you off on the interstate just because that feels like a cliche sort of pastor thing to say, example to say at church. It is. It's well earned. But it's true. Like little things like that to be able to have and practice grace. Because it's not just like, oh, Lord knows I'm gonna hold my ton right now, but oh I hope the police pull them over down the road. Yeah, uh, it's it's beyond that, man. It's a grace, it's a thinking about that person might have something going on, whatever. Seeing it, yeah. I I don't know, I could go on. You get it. I do. It's awesome. Yeah.

will 1:33:06

Humanizing. Yeah. I don't know. Exactly. Yeah. But that's an art, that's a creative lifestyle. I don't know. It all falls into like I don't know.

collin 1:33:20

Interesting. An art or creative lifestyle?

will 1:33:23

Yeah, I just mean uh I just mean like there's a there's an art to creative continuing to muscle. Yeah, there you go.

collin 1:33:36

This is much more like a workout.

will 1:33:38

Yes. Yeah. Totally. Well, um, dude, what's uh what's a wildflower that you resonate with and why?

collin 1:33:48

And we're talking a literal flower. What do you mean?

will 1:33:51

I mean if you want to take it another way, you can too. What do you mean? Oh, I just I I wrap up the podcast for this time.

collin 1:33:58

So just like what's the definition of a wildflower?

will 1:34:02

So I think my favorite wildflower isn't even a wildflower. But a wildflower is something that it just grows up on its own out in the wild, unprompted.

collin 1:34:15

Right.

will 1:34:16

You know. So that would be kind of uh you have one that falls under that category. Like it could be uh Black Eyed Susan.

collin 1:34:28

Okay, yeah. That's what I thought you meant.

will 1:34:30

Yeah.

collin 1:34:31

Like an actual flower.

will 1:34:32

Oh yeah, yeah, literal. Yeah.

collin 1:34:34

Well then you said no, you said something like no. Or you could you said you could take it that direction, and I thought, oh shoot.

will 1:34:42

Reel it in, reel it in. I've had some fun answers on this one though, too, where it's like uh I think one of the I think Dappos was like a cactus flower. And so I don't know that that's technically a wild. Sure, okay. So yeah, that's right, that's all.

collin 1:34:57

Hyacinthius Europius. Um yeah. I would say uh man. Cosmos. You know what cosmos are? I I've heard of it, but I know, yeah. They grow really tall, but they're very delicate. They're beautiful, very simple. They're kind of like uh as a kid, you were supposed to draw a flower, you'd probably draw something that looked like Okay, yeah. Um I don't think there's any particular reason that I'm drawn to them. Alex, my wife, loves them. She's planted them recently in our backyard. I think I've appreciated that they're uh incredibly tall, but incredibly delicate looking. Like it doesn't look like something that would be strong enough to grow that tall. I mean, I don't immediately have a metaphor or uh I'll find one. Yeah, I'm not using that as a metaphor for something. No, sure. Most certainly is.

will 1:36:11

You can kind of fill in the blank there, but but the fact that she's planted them recently and makes a lot of sense that it would be something that stands out to you. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Is it now if she just planted it recently and it's like October now? Will it still go and do okay through the next little while?

collin 1:36:31

I'm not sure when they'll die out, but um resilient for sure. There are a couple cross cycles at this point. But yeah, they're just really cool. They're like five feet tall, but wow, but uh yeah.

will 1:36:48

Well, I'm gonna Google as soon as we get off here.

collin 1:36:50

So go for it.

will 1:36:51

Yeah, definitely.

collin 1:36:52

I'll bring some seeds next time I'm gonna be able to do it.

will 1:36:55

There you go. Uh well, Colin, thanks so much for doing this, man.

collin 1:37:00

Oh, man, my pleasure.

will 1:37:01

That was awesome. I like our um our what time is it? 1 a.m. Uh beer induced.

collin 1:37:11

Oh the truth comes out.

will 1:37:16

That's right. Whatever these uh IPAs are. I don't know what you've been drinking. Yeah, we've been drinking tea. Um, but yeah, thanks, man. Thanks for being here. Thanks for uh constant inspiration and just uh great questions.

collin 1:37:31

Thanks for your interest in highlighting the individualities of the wildflowers.

will 1:37:39

Of course. Until next time.

collin 1:44:01

Hey, Will here.

will 1:44:03

Just wanted to give a big shout out to my friend Tom Henry. He bought three whole coffees over on my Buy Me a Coffee to help support the show. Dude, Tom, thank you so much, man. I still remember uh my first season a couple years back when you uh did the Buy Me a Coffee and just that when that notification came across my phone. I just felt so, so honored. Um just knowing that these episodes were reaching you all the way out in New York, um, encouraging you and uh just getting your support uh means so much. So thank you. I mean, just even if you just messaged me and were like, you know, hey, this has been really encouraging, that would mean so much to me. But this on top of that is just incredible. So um, thank you, man. Um, and yeah, to anybody else, um, feel free to jump on my buy my coffee, no pressure on that. Help support the show. Five coffee tea for my next guest. Um, the way that I've been doing it is uh the show itself to keep it up and running, to keep all my episodes up. Uh it costs about five dollars a month. Um, so it's about 60 bucks a year. Um, then when I'm actually uploading on a regular basis, it costs more like 20 to 25. So um kind of in the midst of all of that right now. So um any support is so appreciated. Uh it doesn't have to be if I make coffee, it doesn't have to be financial. Literally just shoot me a message and let me know what stood out to you. It's something that encouraged you. Um, it all means so much to me. Um, but yeah, thank you again, Tom. Thank you to everybody else for your support and listening and uh just being a part of this project. So um let's go ahead and get into this episode, and