Self-Worth and Communication

In this episode of The Jenni Carroll Perspective, Jenni takes us on a journey of self-reflection and empowerment through the lens of communication. The discussion centers on the fundamental concept that communication, though often viewed as a two-way street, begins with the individual. Specifically, Jenni emphasizes how our sense of self-worth and personal perspective shape the way we communicate with others, especially within intimate relationships like marriage.

Jenni highlights the idea that our connection to our Intrinsic Worth is crucial in how we navigate the frustrations and challenges in communication. She notes that while it's natural to feel helpless or out of control in certain situations, especially when it comes to how others treat us or external circumstances, we actually hold more power than we think. The key, she explains, lies in how we respond to life's inevitable obstacles, which provide opportunities for growth and learning. This perspective shift can help us move from a place of victimhood to one of problem-solving and resilience.

At the core of the episode is the idea that the challenges we face in communication—particularly in marriage—are there for a reason. They are opportunities for personal growth, pushing us to rise above frustration and conflict to become kinder, more understanding, and more aligned with our true selves. Jenni asserts that, rather than being trapped by poor communication, we have the power to change how we approach it by shifting our perspective and embracing our Intrinsic Worth.

The episode breaks down this approach into two essential steps: first, understanding the broader purpose behind our struggles and recognizing them as opportunities for personal evolution. Second, Jenni emphasizes the importance of acknowledging our Intrinsic Worth, which stays with us regardless of our successes or failures. This understanding, she argues, empowers us to respond to conflict in a way that is rooted in love, kindness, and authenticity, ultimately leading to better communication and more fulfilling relationships.

Jenni closes by offering a solution to those struggling with communication in their marriage: a self-paced online course designed to teach the framework for healthy communication. By focusing on practical strategies and personal growth, this course aims to equip individuals with the tools they need to foster stronger, more compassionate communication in their relationships.

Key Takeaways:

• Communication begins with the individual’s sense of self-worth.
• Life’s challenges, including those in communication, are meant to teach us and help us grow.
• Shifting our perspective and acknowledging our Intrinsic Worth allows us to respond to communication struggles with kindness and clarity.
• Empowering ourselves with love and patience leads to more peaceful, effective communication.

To learn more about how you can improve communication in your marriage, visit jennicarroll.com/course.

Thank you so much for listening. If you enjoyed the information presented in today's discussion, please consider subscribing to the Jenni Carroll Perspective.

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Transcript

Hello and Welcome to The Jenni Carroll Perspective. I’m so glad that you are here. For this episode in our series on communication, we are going to really focus on us. Communication is usually thought of as a two-way street, and it is, for sure. Yet, communication between two people starts with each of those people separately. What is going on with them as individuals will directly impact how they communicate with each other.

When it comes to how we show up for the people in our lives as well as ourselves, there is a foundational element that influences everything  - and that is our sense of self, or more specifically our connection or lack of connection to our self-worth. How we feel about ourselves directly impacts how we relate to other people. Our sense of self also shapes how we choose to communicate and, importantly, how we choose to respond to the way others communicate with us.

It’s natural to feel helpless at times. To feel that everything around us is out of our control... from how other people treat us to whether or not there is traffic on the way to work to what is happening with the weather. While we may not go so far as to see ourselves as “victims” it is easy to feel put upon by the world, under its thumb. Yet, the reality is we have more power than we think. Yes, there is much outside of us we can’t control, but at the very same time we have constant control over how we respond. Obstacles, frustrations, hassles and hurdles are continually placed in front of us as we navigate our days. Some greater than others, for sure. And, as we are all aware, even with temporary respite, new challenges are always around the corner. Yet, wisdom tells us it is meant to be this way. The human path is a learning path, and education comes through challenge  -  forcing us to figure out how to respond to an environment that we don’t always like and often don’t want. 

So what does any of this have to do with communication? Well, relationships in general and certainly the relationship we have with our spouse, provide grounds for these exact obstacles. We can easily feel helpless when it comes to what is happening in our marriage. Especially when we are waiting for our spouse to change or be different. Problems in relationships often manifest as communication issues. In fact, one of the greatest (or perhaps the greatest) struggle in marriage is communication. Because communication is about an interaction of two people, it is easy to feel paralyzed when communication is a problem. But, like everywhere else in life, our frustrations and challenges in marriage including the struggle with communication are there for a reason. They are meant to teach us, to push us and to allow us to grow. Whether or not we are up to the admittedly not-so-easy challenge is on us.

But let’s assume we ARE up for the challenge. What do we need to know and what do we need to do?  The answer is twofold. Two pieces that together will give you the strength and power to address the problem with communication or honestly any problem in any other area of your life. The first - is perspective.

It is essential to understand what is really going on... behind the scenes. The frustration you have in your marriage, the struggle you have with communication... the feelings of anger, sadness, and hopelessness are all part of a bigger picture. It is so powerful to understand the meaning behind the struggle. When we recognize that we are caught in whatever circumstances for a reason, it pushes us out of our victim thinking and into problem-solving mode. It is so easy to fall into the trap of being a victim. Even for a little while. Honestly, feeling that life is unfair is just part of living life. And the emotions that accompany this stop on the journey are understandable, normal and even natural. But doing what we are here to do requires that we move out of this stage and into something more helpful and more real. We must understand that not only have we usually had a hand in what we are experiencing, at least to some degree, but also that our circumstances are not completely random. Any situation we find ourselves in, especially the tough situations  - are here to teach us something about ourselves and to hopefully give us the opportunity to expand who we are, to be bigger, better, greater than we were before.

But what does being “bigger, better, greater” even mean? Well, it means that rather than getting caught in the ugliness of life, in the hurts of other people and unfair experiences, we rise above. We behave in alignment with our true selves, which is to be kind, loving and to live by the understanding that we are all flawed. And, to take it one step further - to know that ultimately, none of it really matters. I mean okay, here is where it gets cheesy... but there is no other way to say it. When we respond in love we embody our greatest selves. Learning to respond in love to whatever situation is placed in front of us, is how we grow and expand. This process is essentially why we are here. It is our greatest purpose.

But wait, I have to make an important point, this truth does not mean we are victims. In any sense. Or, that we are sentenced to misery. It does not mean that we must continue to accept situations or circumstances or dynamics that don’t serve us well. Part of our power is that we get to create the best possible experience for ourselves, and that means wherever in our lives we have the opportunity to make a decision, we don’t have to accept less than we deserve. But, in order to get there, we must understand that it is our job to respond to the environment and the people in it with kindness and humility and love.

So if shifting our perspective is the first way we can empower ourselves to respond to the challenges in our lives, including the communication struggle, what is the second? 

The second piece that gives us strength and power, is accepting the truth of our worth. When we choose to acknowledge the fact that regardless of the net total of our strengths and weaknesses, accomplishments and failures, good and bad decisions, we are whole. When we understand that our worthiness accompanies us into this world and stays with us through all of our experiences, it gives us what we need to respond to the environment in the best way possible. And here is the true kicker - when we see and accept our Intrinsic Worth, owning our full and complete worthiness, we naturally make the decisions that result in our lives becoming more peaceful, more joyful, easier, better.

So many of us, maybe all of us at times, look for ways to feel better, make life easier, or to just care less - as we search for coping strategies to deal with the pain and frustration of what we experience. But unfortunately our go-to coping strategies often leave us with negative consequences. Knowing the worth that already exists within you - your Intrinsic Worth - is a lot like taking a drug that chills you out, one that makes everything seem a lot simpler, less of a big deal. But unlike alcohol or drugs, the results of knowing your Intrinsic Worth are permanent rather than temporary and come with no harmful side effects. 

So, when we see our Intrinsic Worth, we depend a lot less on others (or anything outside of us) to feel good about ourselves. Because, aha, we already do. When our spouse upsets us, acts in a way that is hurtful, or disrespectful or makes us question the relationship, we find peace in the space that exists between them and us. And yes, we are still going to be mad. We are still going to be upset. But, ultimately we are going to be able to come back to a place of clarity. Our upset moves through us more quickly and more completely. Knowing that what we don’t like doesn’t belong to us, gives us what we need to respond authentically and without defensiveness or aggression or spite.  

So getting back to communication. If you want to change communication in your marriage, you must start with yourself. The first step is to shift your perspective. Recognize that the challenges in your relationship including all of the factors that make communication difficult are meant to teach you something. They are they to challenge you to see if despite your frustration, you can respond in the best possible way. Then, you must consider your self-worth. When we accept the truth of our Intrinsic Worth, we understand that when our spouse does or doesn’t do the thing that makes us feel bad, we have the power to separate from it. As a result, rather than fanning the flames of bad communication, we are able to calm the fires, and do everything we can to respond with understanding and patience and kindness.

Thank you so much for joining me today for this episode on Intrinsic Worth and communication. I hope something today was helpful or meaningful in some way.

You are light and you are love.

If you have a communication crisis in your marriage I have something that can help. I’ve created a self-paced online course that teaches you the framework for healthy communication and the steps to get there. There is so much information in this course, and I make sure that you have concrete strategies to begin to implement everything you learn. The other great news is that not only is this course affordable - it is also something you can do by yourself. You have the power to change communication in your marriage. Take advantage of this incredible opportunity that can help you change your marriage ...and your life. Register now at jennicarroll.com/course.