We Play Full Out with Bart and Sunny

Caffeine, Grind, Crash, Repeat: Let’s Not

• Bart and Sunny Miller • Season 1 • Episode 102

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0:00 | 19:50

Ever crush a launch, ride the high, then slam into a wall of fatigue and shame? We dig into the push-crash-shame loop many founders and leaders know too well, and we swap the old “fix your mindset” script for a wiser lens: your nervous system is running a survival program, not a moral failing. When the pace of AI, constant pings, and shifting priorities stack up, your body hits the brakes to keep you safe - no matter how strong your willpower is.

We share Janeen's story of outward success and inner turmoil to spotlight how chronic adrenaline and sleepless hustle create hidden wear and tear. From there, we unpack the science behind motivation. Drawing on self-determination theory, we contrast controlled motivation (status chasing, fear of "not enough") with autonomous motivation (purpose, values, meaning) and explain how your why literally changes your stress response. Purpose still involves pressure, but it lowers cortisol spikes and speeds recovery, turning threat into challenge instead of keeping you stuck in fight or flight.

Then we get practical. You’ll learn three fast, on-the-fly regulation tools: the physiological sigh to drop heart rate in seconds, orientation to widen focus and signal safety, and grounding through the feet to end mental spirals during Zoom marathons. 

We also challenge “rest” habits that keep your system jacked (doom-scrolling and high-arousal shows) and trade them for simple, embodied resets like breath, movement, nature, and real connection. Finally, we audit mantras that quietly burn us out and offer a better one: find yourself, then get to work. Safety isn’t soft; it’s the foundation of consistent performance, clarity, and creativity.

If this conversation helps you exhale, share it with a friend who’s running on adrenaline. Subscribe for more practical tools, leave a 5-star review to help others find the show, and tell us: which reset are you trying first?

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SPEAKER_00:

Welcome to We Playful Out with Bart and Sonny Miller. Take it away, Sonny.

SPEAKER_02:

Thank you so much, Bart. You never know what to say after that.

SPEAKER_00:

You don't know. It's like one of those like what the heck.

SPEAKER_02:

Like, am I excited?

SPEAKER_00:

Am I I think we're all excited. So okay.

SPEAKER_02:

Well, today we're going to dive into the idea of being stuck in a push-crash-shame cycle.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay. Push-crash shame.

SPEAKER_02:

Say that five times really fast. We're going to talk about a fellow entrepreneur. Her name was Janine Alley. And she put this on LinkedIn, and I thought it was so good. Talked about how she was living what looked like the dream from the outside, right? She had a burst of energy. Then she'd push herself relentlessly for weeks. She had launches that were crushing it and she was closing deals left and right. She had caffeine and probably a lot of willpower running through her veins at the time. She'd go all beast mode for weeks, smash every go, feel invincible, and then the crash. Hard.

SPEAKER_00:

Sounds like me on energy drinks.

SPEAKER_02:

Every day, every five five hours. She has zero focus. And in those moments, that nice little inner voice that likes to creep in would start to say things like, You're lazy, you're not disciplined enough. Why can't you just stay consistent? So from the outside looking in, she's a successful founder, but from the inside, she has secret shame and feeling like a fraud fighting her own body every single day. Have you experienced this?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I most definitely I think that uh I've not only experienced it, I've lived it multiple times and I hate to say that, but you know, like I uh yes, the answer is yes to answer your question and not go on a rant.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah. I think it's pretty common.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, it's really common.

SPEAKER_02:

And that's why we're talking about it actually, and we're gonna get into this a little bit later, but uh more and more mainstream is talking about this phenomenon.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

For good reason.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I think a lot of our nervous systems are overwhelmed. I think there's a lot of stress on us. I think that there's, you know, a lot of really cool things going on, but our world and we're timeline jumping faster than we've ever seen things happen before. And some people really recognize it, other people not so much. But if you're in the entrepreneurial space, you're realizing it very, very quickly because of this wonderful technology called AI.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, and as exciting as it is, it's almost like I'm running as fast as I can and I'm never gonna be able to catch up.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, it's impossible.

SPEAKER_02:

Right.

SPEAKER_00:

And the other part of it is that it's so it it things are happening so fast. It used to be that you had a little bit of time or something to think about. And like today, for example, I'm working on AI, and literally we had a problem. We sat there for 10 minutes, and then all of a sudden we relogged back in, went onto the forums, and it's like, oh, we just fixed this, and here it is, and it's even better. Wow. And it was like, what? I mean, we're talking 10 minutes when you know, and maybe we're just lucky, let's be clear. But it's crazy with AI because things are changing in nanoseconds, not even in minutes, not in anything, you know.

SPEAKER_02:

And well, and to your point, I'm not gonna go off on too big of a tangent, but you know, even with vibe coding, it's like if I want something changed on my app, it's a matter of 15 minutes tops to get that change, and then I've got it published out, and everybody can see it at that point where before I didn't know how to code. Like you have to go right, figure it out, talk to a programmer, then they've got to fit into their schedule and all the things. So it's fast.

SPEAKER_00:

Yep. All right, so back on topic.

SPEAKER_02:

Back on topic. Uh, you already mentioned it, but it is the nervous system that we're talking about. And again, I think we get this idea that our nervous systems are broken or that we have to fix something, but really it's working. It's working, we're just um overwhelming it. Um it's a survival program and it's there to tell us to slow down, and it is not really made for those slack pings revenue targets and 3 a.m. launch stresses. So when Janine's breakthrough came, is when she stopped asking what's wrong with my mindset. So many times we think it's that inner voice. It's my mindset, I'm not doing enough, I'm not, you know. She started asking what's happening in my body. And that's when she finally figured out that it was a nervous system dysregulation. That's so cool. You know, our bodies perceive this relentless pursuit of this life we call entrepreneurship as a threat. And so it wants to slam the brakes on us because it wants us to be safe.

SPEAKER_00:

Yep.

SPEAKER_02:

And science is catching up here. It's not just like a personal development theory designed to recruit us all into like self-help cults that we all know and love, it's a biological reality. And there was an article recently in Forbes. It's called The Most Dangerous Trend in Leadership Right Now Isn't AI. And I just want to share that because I think it's so good. It says the most dangerous trend in leadership right now isn't AI, it's a model built on perpetual adrenaline, sleepless nights, and a fundamental disregard for our own biology. We're treating our nervous system like a disposable resource and it's leading to a crisis of burnout, anxiety, and disengagement.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

I would say that's across the board because even if you're not an entrepreneur and maybe you come home and nothing like I like to unwind with a little TV or whatever, too. Like, but if I'm not actually like connecting, if I'm just scrolling, if I'm doing all those things, I think I'm just avoiding what my nervous system really needs more than tapping into that.

SPEAKER_00:

And what would you say your nervous system really needs?

SPEAKER_02:

It needs me to be creative, needs me to move my body, needs me to breathe, needs me to go outside and take part in nature, needs to be present with the people around me. You know, there's a lot that it needs. Maybe even journaling.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Would you say everybody's nervous system is the same?

SPEAKER_02:

Um, that's a good question. I think a I think the majority across the board, those things are all in this something that we could all use. I'm not going to say that it's the same for everybody because everybody's built differently. Maybe somebody wants to go work on a car or something and that's our creative outlet.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

But I guess if I say creativity, it depends on the person what that means to you.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, exactly. Their definition.

SPEAKER_02:

What do you think?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I I think the biggest thing is when we we I think right now with our nervous system is we think we're actually getting home and watching TV is going to relax our nervous system. And what I beg to differ on, some of it is is actually depending on what type of stuff you're watching, yeah, you could be actually spiking your nervous system even more and causing yourself more problems by the things that we're consuming. Or we get on social media and all of a sudden find out that somebody had a problem or whatever it might be, and all of a sudden we are not settling our nervous system down at all in our relaxing time.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And so I think we have to be just like lifting weights or whatever we're gonna do, we have to be conscious of what do we need to do every single day to take care of this amazing body that we have and this nervous system that we have, and and not lie to ourselves in trying to fix it with something else that we think's gonna fix the problem, but really it's not. It's it's just causing more problems.

SPEAKER_02:

It's more disassociation and tuning out than it is fixing anything. Right, right.

SPEAKER_00:

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02:

So the problem's not fixed, it maybe just does avoid it a little bit. There you go. Kind of. Yeah. Well, you're gonna love this because as I was thinking about this, um I had the thought does having a strong purpose in what you're building affect your nervous system differently than hustling purely for money or external validation?

SPEAKER_00:

You want an answer to that?

SPEAKER_02:

I know the answer.

SPEAKER_00:

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02:

Absolutely is true.

SPEAKER_00:

There is no doubt.

SPEAKER_02:

And what's interesting is okay, so like picture two entrepreneurs, they're both working 12-hour days, they're performing the same tasks, they're producing the same output, but they have completely different stress responses depending on why they're doing what they are doing. That's a fact. Um it's um there's some research on motivation called the self-determination theory. And again, that difference comes down to your why. So when you're hustling from a place of controlled motivation, which is external, like I need to um show that I'm enough, I need to have status, I'm avoiding shame, I'm doing all the things. Then your cortisol, which we all know is your stress hormone, spikes hard and it lingers for hours. And then over time, that piles up to what's called allostatic load, which is the biological wear and tear behind anxiety, inflammation, and burnout. And that's simply you're stuck in fight or flight mode, right? Right. Like your baseline never comes back down. It's just now you have a higher baseline, but it's not a healthy one. Yep. Where when you're hustling from a place of autonomous motivation, which means from deep purpose, values, meaning, or it feels like an expression of who you are, you have smaller cortisol spikes and faster recovery. So it still recognizes a stress, but it doesn't treat it as a life or death threat. Another study found that purpose predicted a quicker return to baseline after a stressful event. So basically, you're still gonna feel stress, but you're going to have a regulated nervous system where you'll return back to baseline where the other way you won't.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, that's so good.

SPEAKER_02:

So find your why, Bart. Find your purpose.

SPEAKER_00:

Man, I'm telling you. And and this is talk about why you do that every day with your well, it's really interesting because with a lot of entrepreneurs, they don't honestly like they've never been taught this in any way, shape, nor form. So when I approach it with them, they're like, I don't need a why. And it's like, you really do. And it's like, well, I'm I just want it to be because I want to make money and I I'm okay with my family. And it's like, that's great, that's awesome, but it's really not a why. You know, it like if a Navy SIL went into the to the battle and just said, I just want to live. Are they gonna live when they're when they're absolutely captured, you know, like, and I could be pretty dramatic about this and I'm not, but really you got to think about what are you living for? What is inside of you? And that's what allows the nervous system to relax when you are, like you said, autonomously doing what you're doing because you're just like, this is my passion, and I don't want to die with my passion living inside of me.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, I love it. So it's not just fluffy journaling.

SPEAKER_00:

No, absolutely not.

SPEAKER_02:

It is a psych, well, physiological intervention. Amen. I love that.

SPEAKER_00:

Yep.

SPEAKER_02:

And it literally changes how your body processes stress. So along with living a more fulfilling life, you get to have less stress in that.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. And if you have a problem, come up with your why. Make sure you reach out to us. We can't, we could do a full podcast on literally coming up with a why, but really remember a why is a belief. It is something that you believe. It is not a statement. And if you were to drive by a billboard and read this belief, you'd be like, oh man, I relate to that and I want to be part of that. That moves me. That's a why.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, thank you. Okay, I'm gonna give you three ridiculously simple tools to regulate your nervous system on the fly.

SPEAKER_00:

Let's go.

SPEAKER_02:

And the cool thing is you don't need a 10-day silent retreat, or you don't even need a daily hour-long meditation to accomplish this. These really are fast and simple. The first one is the physiological psi, and it's a five-second reset, and it is Dr. Huberman's favorite nervous system cheat code. So obviously, it's gotta be good. It's gotta be great. It's Dr. Huberman. Let's go. Can't argue with the guy.

SPEAKER_00:

No, he's pretty smart.

SPEAKER_02:

So, this is what you do deep nose inhale, and then a quick second inhale to top off the lungs. And then you do a long, slow mouth exhale for as long as you can. Good job, Bart. Then you repeat it one to three times. That's awesome. When you want to do this, is when you're in the middle of an anxiety spiral before a hard conversation or when your focus is dying.

SPEAKER_00:

It's really cool. So now we've covered the why and breath work. Two things that I'm absolutely amazing at.

SPEAKER_02:

Yeah, at right. Okay, well, this works because a double inhale reopens your lungs. Lung exhale dumps CO2 and drops heart rate fast. So that is an instant parasympathetic on switch. I don't know about you guys, but I've always wondered where that switch is. Sometimes, like for a while there, and I was like, I'd be doing like visualizations and meditations. I'm like, turn the sympathetic nervous system off. Turn like I'd imagine a switch. Totally. Found it. Got it. Got it. There it is. And it takes five seconds. Okay, another one is orientation. Look around you like you're safe. And I've done this one also, and it works very well. So stress narrows your vision to threats. This tells your ancient brain there's no lion in the room, that you are in fact safe, because if you have time to look around and reorient yourself, then clearly you're not running from lions. Right. So all you have to do is slowly scan your space, notice colors, objects, light, shadow. I even like to say it out loud. Like, right now I see a beautiful guitar sitting right next to me, you know? Like name things out loud. Um, let your head turn naturally and just take 30 to 60 seconds to look around.

SPEAKER_00:

So good. Yeah. So I see a beautiful woman and then I see a beautiful guitar.

SPEAKER_02:

Then I see a handsome guy first in a purple shirt with a white watch.

SPEAKER_00:

I feel so much better. My nervous system's way more relaxed.

SPEAKER_02:

Okay. Um, you should do this when you're feeling stuck, overwhelmed, or glued to your screen, like those times when you just can't quite get away from work. Um, this activates your ventral, vagal safety, and connection system. So when you're telling your friends about this, remember that line.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah. It works.

SPEAKER_02:

Um by taking again, by taking your environment without judgment, you're sending a powerful signal to your body that there is no immediate threat here. The last one is to ground through your feet. So if you find that you're living in your head, which I don't, you know, you never do that. No. No. So if you're living in your head, lost in the spiral of thoughts and worries, grounding can bring you back into your body and the present moment. And again, it's so easy. Whether you're sitting or standing, focus on the soles of your feet, feel the contact with your shoes, your socks, the floor. Notice the pressure, the temperature, and the texture. And if you can, bonus points, if you can take off your shoes and really feel the ground beneath you. And you can do this anytime you feel anxious, disconnected, or caught up in overthinking. And you can do it anytime, anywhere, even in a meeting or a mid-Zoom call.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, it's so good.

SPEAKER_02:

Start to focus on your feet. And what this does is it reminds your system that you're physically supported by the ground. And for some reason, this incredibly simple act of noticing physical support can create a profound sense of internal safety and stability.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, so good.

SPEAKER_02:

It's so easy, right?

SPEAKER_00:

Yep.

SPEAKER_02:

They're so fast and easy.

SPEAKER_00:

It is.

SPEAKER_02:

I'm gonna practice them this week and I'll get back to you next week on the podcast how they work.

SPEAKER_00:

You've been practicing a few of them already. So I believe you and I'm excited for you.

SPEAKER_02:

I like it though. Um, so again, just to wrap it up, like I feel like oh no, there was another thing I wanted to bring up.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay.

SPEAKER_02:

We talked about this earlier today. We talked about all the hustle and grind and um how sometimes things just don't fulfill fulfilling, even though we're accomplishing things and we're in that like burnout, fatigue, zero focus, nothing matter stages. And I brought to your attention a mantra that I have used on myself for a lot of years.

SPEAKER_00:

Good.

SPEAKER_02:

And it has cast a spell on me that hasn't actually been ideal when I thought it was. So I know their studies, and I don't have them in front of me, that like if you are depressed or you're anxious about things, um, a lot of times if you will just get moving and get to work on something, that it will pull you out of that. And I I believe that.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

Um, so years and years ago, I just started telling myself, forget yourself and go to work. Forget yourself and go to work. And it would alleviate that pressure.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

But what I expressed to you earlier is I have forgot myself and have gone to work and I haven't stopped.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02:

And it actually blew my mind when I stopped to look at it because like I find that I started to shut off things that I enjoyed doing, like I had no connection to them anymore. Yeah, like it's hard for me a lot of times to sit down and even play the piano or go out and garden or like do all the things. I'm like, I gotta get to work, I gotta get to work. I I was literally forgetting myself in order to go to work.

SPEAKER_00:

You created a self-fulfilling prophecy.

SPEAKER_02:

I did. I'm powerful.

SPEAKER_00:

You are powerful, and now you're gonna fix it.

SPEAKER_02:

So I we talked about this a little last week um when we talked about Alex Hermozzi and his mantra for life, and I didn't think I had one.

SPEAKER_00:

And now you know you do.

SPEAKER_02:

Do you have one?

SPEAKER_00:

I can't think of one off the top of my head, but I guarantee you if I dug deep into it.

SPEAKER_02:

Counts in horseshoes and hand grenades.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I'm sure there's some out there for sure.

SPEAKER_02:

No, but it's fascinating. So just kind of a reminder like, what are you saying to yourself every day? Yeah. Like, yes, sometimes we do have to push through things. Let's be clear. There's been a lot of projects where sometimes it is just go time and there's no other option. Let's but does it stay with you? Yeah. And is that how you start to live your life?

SPEAKER_00:

Do you need to lose yourself? Maybe not. Maybe just get to work.

SPEAKER_02:

Find myself, find myself and get to work. Have fun. Not forgive myself. Because I get to work. Okay, so again, you cannot discipline yourself out of a dysregulated nervous system, and you cannot hustle your way out of a biological stress response. Just not how the body works. Um, but you can start to understand your biology. You can begin to see your patterns not as flaws, but adaptations. And you can start to work with your body, not against it, by connecting to your deeper purpose. Find your why, and just use simple tools to find your way back to safety. And this is the work that we do, and we play full out in our life mastery program day in, day out. Like every single category, gateway of life we go through seems to have a nervous system component to it of just where am I at? Do I feel safe? Am I grounded?

SPEAKER_00:

You know, I think you keep saying the key word over and over, and so do we, and everything that we do is safety, safety, safety. And we just can't stress that enough. If you don't feel safe, we've got to get you back to safety.

SPEAKER_02:

Yep. That's that's that's it.

SPEAKER_00:

That's it for wrap for the day. That's the wrap. Awesome. Well, I hope this was beneficial for you guys, and we always love your input. We always love feedback. But if you have anything, let us know. Also, if you could give us a five-star review, it helps absolutely get the podcast off and running. And so we'd be grateful for that. And if this would help somebody out there, please share it for us. We would greatly appreciate that if you passed this along to one of your friends. And uh, I think that's it for us. So, this segment brought to you by I Do Epic.

Head Shot

Bart Miller

Host
Head Shot

Sunny Miller

Host