The Geriatric Mom Podcast with Dr. Nefertiti B. Poyner

Breaking the Entitlement Cycle: Raising Grateful Children Instead

• Nefertiti Poyner • Season 1 • Episode 4

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Are we unknowingly fostering a sense of entitlement in our children?" That's the provocative question I am posing on the latest episode of the Geriatric Mom podcast. Join me as I delve into the root causes and effects of entitlement in our children, exploring how our well-intentioned parenting can inadvertently contribute to this.

I'll share personal anecdotes and insights as we look at how failing to seize teachable moments, ignoring the world around us, and overloading our children with material possessions without fostering gratitude can lead to entitlement. We'll discuss how we, as parents and a community, can provide better opportunities for our children to volunteer and give back, and why it's essential to teach them about delayed gratification.

In the latter part of the episode, I offer actionable strategies to raise children with less entitlement. We'll discuss the role of positive reinforcement, the significance of practicing gratitude, and the importance of setting reasonable expectations. We'll examine the key role of a healthy village in raising well-rounded children and how to differentiate between wants and needs. So, don't miss this enlightening episode as we strive to raise healthier, more empathetic, and less entitled children.

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Nefertiti:

Five, four, three, two, one, hey, hey, hey, welcome back to the Geriatric Mama podcast. I am your host, dr Nefertiti Pointer, the Geriatric Mama. I'm so glad that you're here. If this is your first time hanging out with us, where have you been? This is podcast number four. You missed one and two and three. Oh, you're going to go back and watch them later. Oh, somebody just told you about it. Okay, no problem. No problem, I'm just so glad that you are here. This is our space. I may be the Geriatric Mama I began my career as a teacher, didn't become a first time mama of my own child natural birth at 41, and then my whole world got turned upside down, but in a total good way.

Nefertiti:

But I have this podcast space because, like if you, when you go back and listen to podcast number one or two or three, you're going to hear me say this it takes a healthy village to raise healthy children, and the health of the village is something I really want to have us think about. I also believe that sometimes I wish people would think about parenting is like a party. Again, I often say this. I know it doesn't feel like a party sometimes, but when I say parenting is like a party. When you're having a party, you do a whole lot of planning before the event. You're present and you're making sure things are going well during the event, and I often think about my parenting is like a party. There were things I had to do to prepare before, and I'm always in party mode, planning and planning, just to make sure everybody has an enjoyable experience. And do you know what happens when our children have an enjoyable experience? Oh, childhood is amazing. Adolescents can be navigated safely and with care, and then they're grown up life. They have what they need, but we got to make sure we get this parenting thing right.

Nefertiti:

And so come on, sit down, have a seat, grab a cup of something. Cheers, this is just ice water with lemon, that's all it is. But welcome, I'm glad that you're here, all right. So here's what we're going to do. Did you like my title for this podcast? Listen to me.

Nefertiti:

Oh, we're going to talk about today the children, the children and my grandma used to say the children, the children that are walking around here out in the world, that act like people, owe them something. That's what we're talking about today, and if you don't know that child, then you can stop the play. You don't go on to your next podcast, your next YouTube video If you don't know whom to talk about the children that think people owe them something. So here is the language we sometimes hear it entitlement. You know, children who have a sense of entitlement really only care about themselves. They don't have no perspective over what other people think or feel. They sometimes have very poor work ethics because you're just supposed to take it. You lucky I'm here. You know the he ain't getting. They don't like to follow no rules. They always got something to say because they don't think no rules apply to them. I'm still shaking my head because that's what they do. Okay, okay, okay. That's what we're talking about today Children who are acting as if they have a sense of entitlement.

Nefertiti:

But come here, let me tell you something Before we start talking about them and some strategies to help make sure we're thinking about this together. I want to talk about how to get this way. That's what I want to talk about. How to get that way, because if you hang around for the podcast for a little while, you, you, you gonna learn what I sometimes have to remind myself. I just said it takes a healthy village to raise healthy children. Sometimes the lack of health in that village is causing what we're looking at right now Children who are acting as if they have a sense of entitlement didn't just get that way. Something happened in their upbringing to create a scenario that we're looking at right now.

Nefertiti:

And again, my podcast is always based on heavy reading. I always prepare before I come before you. Absolutely, we've got some personal shares, but I also believe in bringing to you what I see in my readings around content, and so some of it is opinion, and then a lot of it is, again, heavily based on readings, and so today I am going to look directly at this camera that is looking back at me and I'm going to say a lot of what we're seeing right now is only indicative of villages that may not have had the capacity to do what children needed it to do, and so come on in the room and let's have a talk about how do children Children even become entitled, and so one of the first things that I sometimes see in behavior I saw this as a teacher, I see it in myself sometimes and I certainly saw it in my readings we say yes to everything. We say yes to everything. Now, wait a minute, wait a minute because there's somebody say, oh, she ain't talking to me because I don't say yes, okay, okay. But when you say, go ahead, put in a basket, yeah, you can get that, yeah, you can get that. Yeah, yeah, you can go there. Yes, you cannot follow your chores this week. You have chores this week, the child has chores this week, but it's Thursday and ain't none of them chores had got done yet. And again, you know that wasn't grammatically correct the way I just said that, but you know how it go around here. I say it the way I want to say it. You're not following through. So why should they care about anybody else or anything? Because you say yes to everything and then the things that you have in place to help them. You don't stay on top of those. And I am not talking to you, I'm looking back at the camera, at myself. If we're not careful, we are raising entitled children by saying yes to everything, or far too many things, even to negate your rules and responsibility that you have set in the house. When we don't follow those, when we don't make sure the child is following those, that creates an atmosphere of where entitled behaviors can start.

Nefertiti:

The second thing that we sometimes do is that we fail to respond to teaching opportunities. Now in the classroom and those of you who this may be your first time listening or hearing me I began my career as a teacher and so that's actually why I think it took me so long to become a mom, because I knew how hard this thing was, because I had to do it for six, six, six hours in the classroom. I was like who want to do this, who wants to do this? And again, it took me a while to recognize there to do it is such a privilege and I'm ready for the party. But in the classroom we have these things called teachable moments and we're taught. We're taught to respond to teachable moments, even if that means you have to modify the curriculum a little bit, modify your day. When something happens where there's a lesson to be learned, you stop and you do a make sure you respond to that teachable moment.

Nefertiti:

I think sometimes as parents, we're not doing that to the best of our abilities. We're too tired, we've got too much going on, we need to get to the next situation or part of our agenda and we're raising entitled children who don't and cannot think about other people's perspective around things, because I haven't been taught to do so, and so sometimes, when we don't respond to teachable moments that happen within our lives, that creates a sense of entitlement within our children. Another thing that we are sometimes doing to create this sense of entitlement in our children is not addressing what's happening around our world. Now, I'm not advocating for you to sit down at the six o'clock news and talk with your six year old about what's happening. That's not what I'm saying.

Nefertiti:

But what I am saying is that children see what's happening. They see what's happening. What they don't always understand is why it's happening, what's what the emotions are happening within the people. That's the part they don't understand, and because we're walking around like and not talking about it, they don't and they're not afforded with opportunities to understand perspective, to understand emotion, to have both sympathy and empathy. They don't have it because my grown-ups, my village are walking around like they don't see people hurting, they don't see injustices, they don't, they don't see those things, and so well, if my grown-ups are acting like that, then I guess I can act like that too. I'm just gonna keep worrying about myself, which I'm so good at anyway, this person we're talking about today.

Nefertiti:

Remember, if you watch I think it was podcast number, think it might have been either two or three Podcast two or three, where we talk about stages of development. You know this person, this child we're talking about right now. When they're two, this behavior is so okay. It's okay when they're two and we're still going to teach them but understanding where they are. But this behavior at 22, it's a no. It's a hard no for me. At 12, it's a hard no for me, and you're still listening, so I think it's a hard no for you too. We don't want this when our little ones have gone past that developmental stage. So let's be careful about addressing what we see in the world. And again, right now I'm just talking about the things that we're sometimes doing to create this child, and then we'll talk about things we can do. My last thing I want us to think about now I've two things. I've got two things. I got my notes down here.

Nefertiti:

The third thing I think that we sometimes do and I saw this in the reading is that we give our children stuff, but then we don't, okay. So we give them stuff and they say thank you, but I think thank you is both a word, but it's also behavior, and some of our children are getting stuff and they're not expressing no gratitude. No gratitude, and let me tell you some of the stuff they want. They want a particular brand, it got to come from a particular store, it's got to cost it like, listen, like, and you're not even grateful for it, but we keep giving it to them. You brought that one thing for them and then they you watch them leave it on the floor. I wish you would get another thing for me. That one thing I gave you. I had to wait. I was getting ready to say I had to get two paychecks to get it, because somebody on the podcast remember when we wanted something, our grown-up people had sometimes had to wait for two paychecks to be able to get that one thing that we got. And then, when we got it oh and again, I know my language, but I'm leaning into this conversation right here when our grown-ups got that thing for us, we express gratitude in our words, but also how we cared for it.

Nefertiti:

We are raising children with a sense of entitlement because we keep giving them stuff and let them treat it any kind of way, giving it to all that somebody borrow it. You did what? Now you did what, and why does it look like that? But you keep doing it. You keep doing it. That's how we raise children, with a sense of entitlement. Stop looking at me like that. This is a safe space. When we know better, we can do better. That's why you're here and that's why I'm talking back to myself and the camera. If I ain't talking to you, I'm talking to me. All right, one more thing, and then we're gonna talk about what we can do that, what we can do to make it better.

Nefertiti:

Another thing that we sometimes do is we miss opportunities to teach our children how to volunteer, how to volunteer and give back to somebody else. We don't give them those opportunities. I met a young adult a few months ago who was like Miss Naffrititi I have an internship, but it's not a paid internship. Okay, it's not a paid internship, but this internship is fire. You are gonna get some. Oh, we, oh. But all this person could say was it's not a paid internship. Listen, it's wonderful when you can get a paid internship, but some of our young adults don't know what it feels like to work without getting something, because nowhere in their life did they learn that Nobody took them to a soup kitchen. Nobody helped them collect blankets to give to the homeless. Nobody helped them with anything that was voluntary volunteering, where they were doing it with a closed hand. They weren't trying to get anything back, they were just acting in service.

Nefertiti:

Our children don't know how to act in service and that is why they're growing up with a sense of entitlement. Let us do better because again, they're not just getting like this at 14. They were once four and five and six and seven and there were some things that we could have done differently, all right. And so now that you're looking at me with the side eye, but I'm okay, I'm okay with the side eye, because with the side eye may come a moment of growth, and again, as I research, I'm like dog on it. Again, this stuff is hard and we have to do our part. This is the planning. This is the planning, all right.

Nefertiti:

So this part of the podcast, I wanna talk about things we can do okay and I wanna give you suggestions that you can try tonight and they may sound a little interesting because as I was reading, I was like okay, I like the way this is going and I'm so glad we can talk together today about it. All right, how can we make sure we're raising children with less of a sense of entitlement? Well, how about we start with just the way we converse together? So a few days ago, madison and I were having a conversation and she was cutting me off in the conversation and she said oh sorry, mom, I'll wait my turn. And I was thankful for that, because, do you know one of the ways we can start to help our children to understand that it ain't all about them.

Nefertiti:

Stop letting them just butt into your conversations. Now let me tell you something Back in the day. Sometimes I just think if we could just take a. We just gotta remember where we come from. Right Back in the day in my house, if my mama was talking to a grownup, ain't no narrow, dare a reason that I was standing there. They weren't talking about me. They could be talking about me, but I'm not gonna stand there. My mother would not allow it. She would give me the look. My mama was real good at the look. My mom would give me the look and I knew to get on out her face.

Nefertiti:

Stop letting your children be in adult conversations. First of all, this isn't about them, and a sense of entitlement means, oh, I can just sit here while my mom talking to somebody about something that ain't got nothing to do with me. They start to feel like they have a place everywhere. They don't. They don't. And so let's work on this by how we let them be a part of conversations. And so when we are conversing together, let's learn to talk one at a time. You don't get to cut anybody off. You're going to listen with an attentive ear and you're gonna make sure we even have a little pause in there to be able to be not only a good listener but also a good receiver of what the person is saying.

Nefertiti:

Teach your children how to have conversations. And so in the classroom I can't remember if it was my kindergarten classroom or my preschool classroom we made a talking stick. So I wanted to get this done for you and make it all pretty before I did the podcast, but I couldn't, so you just gotta go with it, okay. So this is a piece of this is a aluminum foil tube, that's what this is. But you're gonna go get yourself an aluminum foil tube and you're going to decorate this, and this is gonna become your family's talking stick. And so when you're talking together.

Nefertiti:

The person that has the stick has the floor and, if you want, go ahead and do a little cultural investigation to know where talking sticks are derived from and make this a meaningful tool for your family. You wanna raise children with less of a sense of entitlement, be careful how they hold conversations, and you might even wanna introduce a talking stick to your family. All right, that's one of the things I want us to think about as we work on no more of this entitlement, or at least I'm gonna do my part, while I'm planning the party called childhood, to make sure we're doing this to the best of our abilities, all right. So the next thing I want us to think about is we talked about it as a challenge. It's one of the things that we sometimes do we give too much, we say yes too much.

Nefertiti:

I would love for us to think about learning to help our children to delay gratification. So remember I think it might've even been during the pandemic of this recording as 2023. It might've been 2021 or 2022 where there was the gummy bear experiment going around, where people were giving their children a gummy bear and saying if you can wait, you can go get it. Remember that? Well, that's based on some research from years ago where a researcher put a child in the room and gave them a marshmallow, and the researcher said to the child if you can wait, I will bring you back to marshmallows. And so the research looked at the children, because there are cameras in the room to see how the children are reacting while they're waiting. Some of the children can wait, but they wait because they roll the marshmallow, they stick their fingers in it, they play with it, but they don't need it. And then, if they can wait, the researcher comes back and they actually give them two.

Nefertiti:

So there is this concept called delaying gratification. We can teach this to our children. You know how we can do that. We can say to them absolutely, you can have that, but let's write a plan down on what's gonna take place before you get that. Did you hear what I just said? Absolutely, you want to go there with them. You can certainly go there. I think that sounds like that's going to be a great opportunity for you.

Nefertiti:

Let's talk about the steps that have to happen before you get there. The before, all of the work that goes into the before helps our children learn to wait and to delay gratification Again. There's some young adults, some people in your life that can't wait for anything. They want everything right now. This is not the world, especially with social media. They can just press a button, ask Google, talk to Alexa and it's done. It's done.

Nefertiti:

We don't want to raise children who think life works like that. Delaying gratification makes a child learn that I got to put in some work before I get back results. I just press a button and I'm supposed to get it. It doesn't work like that. So let's teach our children to delay gratification. Yes, you can have that. Yes, you can go there. Here are the things we're going to do before that happens. This item you want costs $40. You get $10.

Nefertiti:

Like those conversations. Let's create opportunities where they're working for stuff y'all. They're getting things too easily. Sometimes. They got to work for it. They got to work for it. All right, you ready, all right, let's keep doing it.

Nefertiti:

We want to raise children with just a tiny bit that. We want to decrease the sense of entitlement that we see going around here. We want to decrease that. So we're talking about simple things like making sure your children know how to have good conversations where they don't cut people off or they can talk one at a time. They can wait their turn. So we talked about one thing we're going to do easily that I can start working on tomorrow is I'm going to help my child learn how to have good conversations. The second thing that we're going to do is grownups is we're going to delay gratification. Yes, you can have that, and here are the things that have to happen before you get it. Yes, you can go there, but this is what we got to do before you can go there. We're going to help our babies learn how to delay gratification. This third thing I want us to do again is going to feel very personal, but I'm starting with me and I hope you'll start with you.

Nefertiti:

We got to check ourselves. Our children are listening and taking in everything that we hear, that they hear us say and do. It is so easy to say you better follow my rules, you better do what I say. Let me tell you something they're going to do what you say and a lot of what you do. And so check yourself, nefertiti. What do you mean? Check myself? Well, what are your children? What do your children hear you talk about? That lets them know where what's important to you? Are you always talking about money? Are you always talking about prestige, are you? Are you always talking about position? Like what? What do your children hear you talk about? Whatever your child is hearing you talk about the most, that is what they're also going to place the greatest value on.

Nefertiti:

And so, for example, if you place value on good grades, there's nothing wrong with good grades, but are you also putting emphasis on effort? You know you can say to your child oh, you got a, you, you got an a on this. You deserve it. Well, why do I deserve it? Because I'm just so cute? No, you deserve it because I watched you for the past few nights. Come home and knock it on your social media. I saw you. There was a party you wanted to go to and you said no because I watched you. Like, you have to give back to your child what you see in terms of their effort, not just the end result. That's how we make sure we're raising children who understand that the work I put in is the result. I don't deserve anything. I've worked my heiny off of this and they can feel proud about that. But we need the grownups in our lives to be able to our children either grown up in their lives to mirror back their effort and, again, be very careful that you deserve it. You deserve it. You deserve it because I watched you do this. Does that make sense? I hope you're saying yes. I hope you're saying yes to that makes sense.

Nefertiti:

Again, the outward is fine. You want to always accolades about good grades and even how you look. Those are all okay, but you also want to make sure we're going a little bit deeper. And so what characteristics? Okay, let me do something with me. Okay, do something with me. Grab a pencil and paper. Grab a pencil and paper. Why are you still looking at me? Go get a piece of paper, all right. Or, when you have a chance, I want you to write down. Let's do five.

Nefertiti:

I want you to write down five characteristics that you would want for your child to possess. What five characteristics do you want for your child? So I don't care if you're rocking a baby, listening to me during the podcast and you've got little babies, or you've got maybe a young adult or whatever your age child. What characteristics if you could look back over their life and you say I want my child to be this and this and this and this and this. You got five, all right, and your job is to make sure you are showing up, teaching these five, advocating for these five, promoting these five, letting your child know when you see one of these five. Like, do you understand what I'm doing with this? These five characteristics that you want, you need to put them in the party. If the if we're going back to this analogy of planning a party, if the party is going to consist of some heavy hors d'oeuvres and we're going to have ginger ale and we're going to have well, I don't know, I'm just making stuff up Whatever that is you want at the party, gotta prepare for it and make sure you are creating opportunities for that thing to show up. And so that's a challenge for you. Five things you want for your child to have. What five characteristics? Make sure you are teaching those and showing them up and letting your child know when you see those. Alright, you ready for the next one? I don't know what number I'm on because I'm so enjoying our conversation. I don't know how many I've shared so far, but the next one.

Nefertiti:

I was watching this very popular social media lady. She was doing a get ready for me. You know how people do get ready with me's. She was doing a get ready for bed thing with her kid her children, and she was showing us how she cleaned up the room. And she was doing this ASMR what's that thing called, where they got the sounds. Whatever that thing is, she was doing that. So all the sounds were in the video and all the time I'm watching the video I'm saying to myself why are her children not doing this? Now I know there is probably she maybe protected privacy, but she could have put a smiley face. You know how you cover up the face. You could have done something.

Nefertiti:

Stop cleaning up behind. Children need to clean up behind themselves. Children who have a sense of entitlement just go around walking around like they got a maid and I know my mama probably watching this podcast and she looking at the camera like I'm the high on the fratidii talking to somebody about that. Well listen, I'm never going to promise you in this podcast that we have it all right around here, because we don't, but I hope that you know this is a place where we can show up perfectly and perfect and we can just get better. If we want to raise children with less of a sense of entitlement. They need to clean up behind themselves. I know it is easier for you to do it. It may even look better, but that's not what we're gonna want from them. As they grow up, they need to clean up behind themselves. I know it's more work, but it's going to be worth it in the end. So let's make sure they're cleaning up behind themselves.

Nefertiti:

Earlier in the podcast I talked to you about the children not being grateful. Something we can do about that one is just make sure children are thankful and when somebody gives them something, they're not just grateful for the gift, but they're grateful for the gift giver. Y'all our children need to write thank you cards to people again. Remember back in the day when somebody did something for us or they gave us something, we said thank you and we wrote thank you. Know, when you have a wedding, a marriage, a baby shower, whatever all those functions you write a thank you note to the giver of the of the. No matter if they brought you one diaper or 50,000 diapers, you write a thank you note. Let's go back to helping our children get better at this by creating opportunities for them to be grateful not just for the gift but for the gift giver. That's how we raise children with less of a sense of entitlement. Alright, let's keep going. We're almost done.

Nefertiti:

I want to offer. I don't even know what number I'm on, I think it's in my notes. It says number six. But this one is very important to me. I see it in a grown-up feet and I can't stand it, and I know it happens in because that grown-up maybe didn't have what they needed as children.

Nefertiti:

And so let's do something different. Make sure children have ownership. Everything that's happening to them ain't everybody else's fault. You know the teacher don't like me. This person did this. Listen, and I'm not saying everything's every scenario is is the one I'm talking about today. But children who have a sense of entitlement they don't have they. They very seldom can take ownership over things.

Nefertiti:

And so to raise children with less of a sense of entitlement, ask them what role did you play? What role did you play? I like to say to children what could you have done differently? What will you do differently next time? I don't even want to. I don't even say what could you do better, that's not even the right word I think to use. I will say what will you do differently next time? You know I want to raise children who are not always pointing the finger at everybody else. I often say to the young adults and children in my life that one finger that you're pointing at somebody else, there are at least three pointing directly back at you. Let's talk about these three fingers. What will you do differently If you could have done this all over again? What would be different? Come on, y'all, we can do this.

Nefertiti:

Alright, my notes say we're on number seven, but I don't know what number I'm really on, because I'm having so much fun talking to you and I hope you're taking good notes If you're walking, while you're listening, if you're cooking, while you're listening with your over here with me on YouTube. I just hope that this is making sense. Again, come on down in the comment section on YouTube, email me, let me know what you're thinking. Again, I say I'm on number seven, but your girl really don't know what number she's on. But I do know what I want to say. I want to say make sure your children, our children, know the difference and always are thinking about the difference between wants and needs.

Nefertiti:

Do you listen to your children's language? Right now, everything is a want, want, want. I want this, I want this, I want this, I want this, I want this. Well, listen to me. Let me tell you something about this thing called parenting. I have a responsibility as a parent to take care of all of your needs. I gotta take care of all of your needs. I get to be creative and selective on how I handle these wants.

Nefertiti:

So, once again, as parents, what we can do to raise children with less of a sense of entitlement is always make sure I even try to get a piece of paper okay, wants and needs. Now tell me what you're thinking about. What you say you want. That's what you want. Okay, is that a want or is that a need? Oh, okay, okay. And what is this other thing? Is that a want or is it a need? Oh, okay, this thing is that. You see where I'm going with this.

Nefertiti:

A lot of times, that list is a whole lot of wants. It's a whole lot of wants on that list. And guess what we can do to raise children with less of a sense of entitlement? Sometimes we can say no to something that's on that side. We can say not yet to something on that side, or we can say what are you going to do to work on this one. That's what you want right there. What are you going to do to get that one? Have a responsibility as your parent to take care of your needs. This one side a little bit more selective.

Nefertiti:

Let's raise children with less of a sense of entitlement by making sure they distinguish between their wants and their needs. All right, on my paper I say I'm on number eight, but I don't really know what number I'm on, so let's just go with it. I'm just going to tell you what the next thing is. To raise children with less of a sense of entitlement is to practice and model consideration. Just your children, our children, need to see us practicing consideration for other people. You know, a big part of this conversation, which I'm not going too much into today, is just children being empathetic. You know, understanding how other people are feeling. They may never go through the same experience, but they will have a similar feeling as they grow older, and so we want to model for our children and practice with them being considerate.

Nefertiti:

You know, for example, you know, let's say you're fixing dinner and maybe you're making dinner and there's one thing that somebody in the family really doesn't like, and so you can say to the child. Oh, we're having this for dinner, but dad really doesn't like the flavor of blah blah, blah, blah. What can I do differently? Now they may say you can go ahead and make him a whole different meal and you can say that is so considerate, that's so considerate of you. This is what I'm going to do, if you're not gonna make a whole different meal, but what you're trying to do is you're trying to help the child.

Nefertiti:

Think Not everybody. Not everybody acts, not everybody likes, not everybody needs, not everybody wants the same thing. And so being considerate is always thinking about what somebody else may need. You know, you get go back to the old things back in the day. There's an elderly person. What might that person need? If they're elderly and they've got to stand for too long, they might need a seat.

Nefertiti:

Okay, what can you do? That's consideration, and we want to make sure we're modeling it, teaching it and practicing it. Alright, you ready to go? Alright, this is my final suggestion and I call it help them feel good on the inside. That's my final thing today. I want you to.

Nefertiti:

I want us, as parents, to make sure our children feel good on the inside. You know, as a teacher, my children love to get stickers and I love to give stickers, until one day I realized the sticker ain't really what they care about. And again I said ain't what I said. The sticker ain't what they care about. What they cared about was the peel off, the closeness from from their teacher, the little sticker, but the feeling. That is the feeling that is evoked on the inside. That's what we're going for y'all.

Nefertiti:

When you can look at your child and say I am so dog-worn proud to be your mama today, and then you just give rich explanations you know, you, you when you mirror back for your children what they have done and and and how it made them feel like asking them I watch you to day. Do this, do this, do this how do you feel? Right, that's, that's one of the questions you want to say. How do you feel? What did you learn? What would you tell somebody else if they had to do the same thing that you did today? Like those open-ended questions, go from help the child, go from just whatever we're talking about to the feeling that was brought about because of it. It's the feeling that is missing from children who have a sense of entitlement. They, they. The only feeling they know is me, me, me, me, me, me, I, I, I, I, I, I. And so we can do better, but up with this by helping them feel good on the inside, by letting them know we saw them, we heard them, we understood it wasn't easy, but they did it, leaning into those kind of conversations. The literature calls it intrinsic motivation. I call it helping them feel good on the inside. All right, all right, we did some good work today. There's gonna be a few less entitled children walking around because of our conversation. At least that's my hope. All right Again, you may want to go back and listen to it again. Drop some comments over in YouTube if you need some clarification or you want to talk to more, and at the end, when I close things out, you'll also see my email address and hear my email address. All right, thank you for listening.

Nefertiti:

This is the Geriatric Mama podcast and I am your host, dr Nefertiti Poirner. I can't wait to see you in our next podcast. Remember, it takes a healthy village to raise healthy children. What will you do today, from our list, to make sure you're doing your part to raise children who are less entitled? I'll see you next time. Thank you for listening to another episode of the Geriatric Mama podcast. I am nothing without you. Thank you for listening.

Nefertiti:

So if you have a suggestion for a topic, go ahead and email me at contact at she knows what she's doingcom. Yes, I want to hear your suggestions. I also want to hear what you're taking away from today's podcast. What's sticking with you. Go ahead and shoot me an email. I read everything that comes my way, so please don't hesitate to do that. And then you see those flashing things on your screen Share, like, subscribe. Yeah, they'll stop flashing as soon as you share, as soon as you like and as soon as you subscribe to the channel. No, that's not really true. They're going to keep going, but that would be good to know that you have shared, like and subscribe to the channel, so you will always be the first to know when the next episode of the podcast is ready for you. Again, thank you for everything. Remember it takes a healthy village to raise healthy children. I will see you next time.