Without this, Your Relationship is Doomed to Fail

If you do not have this built into your relationship, it is doomed to fail!     There is a tension between stability,  which we want in our relationship, and also mystery and novelty which we all  need to have for excitement, vigor and even sexual energy. How do we balance these 2 needs that we have?  There is one way to be able to have these two things in balance.  So few people have the courage to live this way.  This is the evolution of the divine human spirit.  When you are living true to your essence and what you love to do and what you are good at, there is nothing more attractive than this and your partner will either want to be with your soul and share that journey with you,  or you might be struggling with not having the courage to live true to your essence.

I’m Sheila Wenger, CHt, M.Ed, CPC, and I’ve developed a transformative process that combines mental health and spirituality into a simple, actionable model. By aligning the conscious mind, subconscious, and spirit, we activate the flow state—our natural state of harmony and empowerment.  Through this approach, I’ve witnessed incredible transformations: a golfer scored a hole-in-one, a 30-year smoker quit in one session, and clients healed deep traumas, feeling like they were living new lives.

Transcript

 I'm Sheila Winger. Welcome back to Shift is Happening. I'm gonna talk some real straight talk about relationships today, and I'm covering your primary relationship, whether that's a marriage, partnership, whatever it is, that if your relationship doesn't have this built into it, it is doomed to fail. And by fail, I mean either break up or become stagnant, become boring, and become problematic.

So today I'm gonna share with you what. Your primary relationship should always be the courage it takes to do what I'm talking about and how you get that courage and make sure you stay till the end because I have an exercise for you that if you start right now, it will take your relationship in that direction in a very slow, comfortable way that will gradually get you where you need to be.

I'm Sheila Winger. This a shift is happening now. Here we go. Let's jump right in. All right. Esther Perel has identified one issue with marriage or partnership, and that is that there's the tension between stability, which we want in our primary relationship, and also mystery and novelty, which we all need for there to be excitement and vim and vigor and uh, even sexual energy.

So how do we balance these two needs that we have? Well, there's one, literally one way where you always can have that mystery return on a regular basis, and the stability of your relationship that makes you feel solid and loved and cared for, that you need in order to be able to grow. And here's what it is.

And so few people have the courage to live this way, which is why. I'm gonna be writing a book about the evolution of partnership because this, along with everything I talk about, is about the evolution of the human divine spirit, and it plays directly a role with relationships. Here it is. Every partnership needs to be reciprocal and growing.

That means that in order for a relationship to continue to feed both individuals. Both need to be served by the relationship to grow individually. If that becomes a one-way street where one person's growing and the other is not, there is nothing to prevent that be from becoming stagnant and boring for the person growing.

If it becomes non-reciprocal, this person growing will tire of it eventually. And they will not be able to sustain it if that person doesn't start doing their work too. So how do you m make this happen? Those relationships that have this element I'm talking about, you don't always grow mutually together at the same time, but what you do always do is one person grows and the other person notices that and sees, oh wow.

What's going on here? Instead of being threatened by that and scared by that and hiding and getting smaller, they go, whoa, let me be uncomfortable. Learn about what you're doing and grow with you. And then they become a slightly better version of themselves because they have moved into their zone of discomfort.

Their willingness to see their partner as an individual, growing in a way that they need to and see if they can. Stay with that. Still love that, be with that. And if they want to, even if it's uncomfortable, then they start to grow too. Those kinds of couples become like, we're climbing on a pegboard. I go up, you go, oh my gosh, what's happening?

Let me learn to embrace that. And then because you're strong enough, courageous enough to hold that space for someone who's truly honestly growing, you grow too. And then it goes the other way. And all functioning relationships, friendships, partnerships. Should be doing that. And if they are not, there's one of two possibilities.

One is that it needs a refocus. It needs a more vulnerable conversation to become more real and authentic. Or it has to die. It has to change and and be gone because we are all here as human souls evolving, growing, and changing. So back to the primary. Quality that I'm talking about that very, very few couples have the courage to do, have the courage to embrace.

You have got to get comfortable being uncomfortable. You have got to have an element of, I don't want to tell you this, but I'm going to, I'm experiencing something as my. Life is going on. That is individually really true for me. Even though I know it's going to make you really uncomfortable, it could make you want to leave me or change the nature of our relationship, or it's going to expose an incompatibility and I'm going to enter that discomfort with you anyway.

If I don't, if we don't do that, we, that person does not have a chance to grow, and I'm not gonna stop growing. If we decide that the partnership is more important than our soul's growth, then we get smaller. Well, there's this secret part of me, but I can't tell my partner that or it'll damage the relationship.

So I don't, so I shrink, and instead of being a whole self, I'm a part self. I'm a part self with my partner, and then maybe I go get that other part fed by something else, but maybe I don't have anything else that feeds that, and so I don't get to have it. All that is not sustainable. You can't be a part self for long because you are a soul.

You are divine. You are growing in and expanding and becoming. So once you're a part self and then you go along that way, it, it becomes inevitable that you get reinforced. That's how it has to be. And then you get smaller and smaller until you just can't do it anymore. When you bring. The uncomfortable truth that you know is going to be difficult for them to hear.

You don't know if they're going to agree or want the same thing.

That is what brings the mystery back to a relationship. The mystery is can we still be together? And the truth that life knows that we're too scared to admit. Is that we are going to keep growing and we don't know if me, if it means we'll keep growing together, we have no guarantees about it because I'm a soul that's on a journey and so is my partner.

And so what, why does this element that seems threatening to the relationship give Its, give it its mystery Because the fact is now we are aligned with the truth that we don't know if we're really going to be together forever. Let's compare that to the old vows of man. I met you when I was 22 and I fell in love with you, and I decided because I'm in love with you at 22 years old, that because I'm declaring it now at 22, I will stay with you until we die.

I will stay with you and good and bad and this and that, and richer and poorer because at 22 I fell in love with you. That is not based in any wisdom of how life works whatsoever. Now, you can stay with that person until you die, but it may feel like death. At age 60, when you've become such a small self because 22-year-old you said you can't grow, you have to stay with this person who's not growing or who's keeping me, who we together are shrinking.

It's not how life works. Life is dynamic and it is help. It is working with us for us to always grow, evolve, become, expand. So a relationship that can grow, evolve, expand, has to accept the possibility that life is bigger than our decision to stay together. But here's what's ironic and beautiful. When you show up as you struggling with what you're struggling with, and you put it on the table and say, this is gonna be a really difficult conversation.

I'm scared to have it. I don't want to tell you this. But I'm going to, because I'm not gonna hide or be a part of myself with you. What usually happens is we can handle it. In fact, if you go through life with someone doing that, every time it comes up, what happens is

who else could ever compete with a person? Who shows you what they're becoming and learning and growing and struggling with all throughout, and then hold space for you when you do that too. What hot young thing could ever compete with the person who has the courage, the clarity, the confidence, the love, the acceptance to hold space for every truth you ever might have to face.

Really? What can compete with that? Nothing. So you have the stability of, you know, this person. I never have to worry about them because whenever they're going through something, they share it with me. Whether it's even gonna hurt me or make me uncomfortable, so I know that they're gonna show up. That's what greater stability is there.

And what greater mystery is there that you and I. Going through life as individual souls being changed by life, growing through it, feeling new things and, and expressing that, and then wondering, can we still be together on this journey? And then finding out that somehow, because we do it that way, there's no one else we would rather sit down and talk to and have sex with and have dates with, and.

Experience all the mysteries of what life is doing with,

you can see why people don't have the courage to do this, but it'll give them everything. And I'm not saying that every couple who does this will last forever because I cannot define the mystery of life for the mystery of life. That's exactly the point. However, I can guarantee that people who do this, whether they end up parting ways, because they find in being this honest that what they're growing into together needs to go a different direction.

They will never part with hatred. They will never part with resentment. They will never part with drama. They will part with love, mutual respect, understanding, and support like you. Go on your journey and I wish you all the best, and I will always love you because we connected in a way that is so deep that I can't even find it hardly anywhere.

You are one of those people that when I die, I will remember help make me me. So how do we make this happen? How do we rewrite the vows for this? That's what we need to do. We need to align relationship with what life is doing, with what our souls are doing, with what reality is doing with us. And when we're aligned with that, the mystery is there because the mystery is inherent in that.

And the stability, because of deep, honest, sincere connection is the most beautiful thing in the world. So. Said, I was gonna tell you what the primary relationship is in every couple, and that is your relationship with your soul, and same with your partner. Your primary relationship is with your soul and your secondary relationship is with the person you've decided to go through life sharing your soul with as life changes you.

It has to be in that order. And there's no other way it could be. Think of all the people who aren't able to do this, who've had affairs. Why have they had an affair? 'cause something in their soul needed to get something. They just didn't have the courage to tell their partner, I need something else. And we have to talk about what's not working.

Instead, it's just way too fun to be with that other thing that's gonna give you the need immediately met and now you're making a mess. You don't have to make a mess. You just have to have a whole bunch of courage to speak your truth. And then if that relationship must part because you can't get what your soul is here for, you will leave each other with respect and understanding as much as possible, maybe someone with a broken heart, but with honesty and sincerity.

So that person whose soul took them to make a mess. Ended up differing to their soul anyway, and doing it in a really messy way. But if we enter partnership and say, my soul is my number one relationship, I'm going, I have signals in me that are gonna take me in directions that I'm going to undeniably follow.

And so are you. And I want your soul to take you where it goes, and I want to share that journey with you. But. It's possible that yours is gonna take you somewhere that undeniably you must do, and it takes you away from me. Do me the honor of telling me, because I want your soul to get what it wants and if it, if it's really truly taking you away from me, I'm telling you I love you.

I will try to be big enough to say, you gotta do it and I'm gonna do the same thing.

E, when you have the courage, when people have the courage to show up that way. Again, like I said, people showing up like that become the most precious commodity, the most precious, beautiful gem in their life that they know that no one else can compare to, so it's very hard for that to fall apart. If it does, it's not a falling apart, it's because some soul truly needed to go in a different direction.

And because we've been transparent about it the whole way, there have been signs and signals and uh, a sense that, yeah, there's something you've gotta do and I can't stand in your way and maybe you'll go do that and then you'll come back to me. But I don't know, I have to let let you do it 'cause we're soul people we're, we know what we're doing here.

So your primary relationship. Is with your soul yourself and those signals that it's giving you. And the more transparent you can be with your partner about that, which should be as, as much as you possibly can be. And if you're not there yet, then it's little by little more and more and more to get there.

Um, those, that soul's gonna talk to you anyway. But imagine the gift of having one person on this planet that you can express all of that too. You can say, I'm struggling with this thing that I want, that I know you don't want. And a part of me really, really wants it and I don't know what to do because I want you too, but I want this.

You don't have to have the answer. You just have to say, I'm struggling with this. And your partner can then take it and go, oh yeah, you're right. I don't want that, but I do want you. So how do we do it? We try to find a way, and if it's truly not possible, then you face it. So. Our relationship with our soul, with our essence, with those signals we get about who we must be our primary.

And it's our sharing with a partner who's also willing to have the courage to do the same thing that gives us that security and the mystery of, huh? Will we be together in 10 years? I don't know, but sure. Gonna be a fun adventure every day as you. Become the you you're meant to be, which by the way is super hot.

When have you ever seen your partner doing their thing and notice, oh my God, he's so hot. Or She's so hot when your partner is doing the thing they're made for, meant for good at. It's quite attractive when you are living true to your essence, come coming more in terms, uh, more aligned with who you really are doing the things that you love and light you up and you're on fire, you are more attractive.

That brings the mystery, the mystery of will she still pick me? Will he still show up and want me? It's gorgeous, it's mysterious. It's stunning. Then you have also that stability of they're gonna share their truth with me. I trust them and nobody, that hot guy that I see other women looking at, nobody gets to know what I know about him.

He tells me what his soul's journey is, and he can enjoy those looks because he's deserves them. He is hot, but nothing could possibly threaten how. We talk and we share as we are living in the mystery of life. This is the evolution of partnership and marriage. If you want to be married, this is where human relationships have to go.

If they don't wanna stagnate and become boring, settling and sticking together just for the sake of sticking together or just for the sake of our friends, we'll know we've we're married this long. It won't satisfy you except for maybe on a little ego level that will not win the day. Now, how do we get there?

What if you're in a relationship right now and you're like, that's not my, my relationship? Well, damn it. What do I do? Well, there's a lot I that could be five episodes, but I'll give you a couple here and I'll talk more later about others. The first thing is if you don't have a relationship with your soul yourself, if you're not feeling your own feelings, if you're not able to align them, align yourself with them, know that they're telling you what's going on and where to go in your life and you don't have a good relationship with your feelings, then that's the place to start.

'cause you're not living authentically. If you're feeling one way and saying another thing, then you don't have an actual relationship. You have an a relationship based on what he thinks you are or she thinks you are. So the first place is, oh man, I have to feel what I feel and be authentic about that.

Now I'm gonna riff on this piece for a second. I'm gonna talk about women in relationship and what they do wrong almost all of the time. Women talk too damn much. They feel like there's a relationship issue. Something could be better. And then all they wanna do is talk, talk, talk, talk. We need to sit down and have a talk.

We need to evaluate where our relationship is. We need to strengthen our, you know, way of communicating whatever. This is the least effective way to go about this. And everyone does it all the time. Sorry, women, but it's women. You don't need to do that because what happens is you tend to do all of the work for the partnership and then that makes you exhausted and resentful.

You're the one who had to notice there was a problem. Does that kind of piss you off? Yes. Now, not only do you have to be the one who notices, like why can't my partner notice? Are they just gonna go along and be complacent and com, you know, go along, pretend everything's fine, and I have to be the one to bring it up.

And then I bring it up and they're like, oh. Now I am the bitch because I'm making things difficult, like that's no fun either. Then I have to be the one who thinks it through, has a plan. It's terrible. It's not the way to do it. The way to do it is get more authentic with yourself, and if your partner says something that makes you feel a way, you authentically exude that feeling and don't give it 10 sentences.

You don't have to say a damn thing. Just feel what you feel. For example,

let's take a partner who comes home and you've both been at work and partner goes to, um, d um, what's the word? Excuse me. Just sort of shed the world and they are gonna do an activity that takes them just away to just sort of numb out. Maybe it's video games, maybe they're on YouTube, that they're just, they've come home and they're off in their world and there you are feeling like, oh, great, now you're home.

I've been working too and we're not having connection and what? Who's gonna make dinner? I guess it's supposed to be me. When you feel the way that you feel, that feels unfair to you. Now all you have to do is make it fair for yourself. Disregard your partner. They, you don't need to solve it for them. You don't need to change their behavior.

You just need to go, this feels unfair. We both come home from work. We're both tired. He, he or she just goes off and does their thing and I guess it's left for me to either make dinner or find a way to connect or they just don't wanna connect. Okay, great. This feels unfair, so you need to make it fair.

Give yourself the feeling you wish your partner was giving you right now. Make it fair for you. Be true to this feeling saying, this isn't how I wanna be treated. And treat yourself that way. Stop trying to make someone else change to accommodate you. Just accommodate yourself first and see what happens.

So I often advise clients to do this. I'll say, how do you feel in that moment? I feel. Neglected. I feel like I have to either solve it or fix it and I've, I've worked just as hard as my partner has and, and no one's thought of dinner and we're both hungry, but I guess I'm supposed to think, think about dinner.

All right, well, do you wanna make dinner? No. Alright, then don't make dinner. What would you like for dinner? Oh gosh, I love this soup at this cafe with, you know, I'd love to have that. That wonderful soup with a nice salad of good piece of bread with butter on it and a glass of wine. Alright, go do that.

Get outta your house, go to that cafe and make it feel fair to you. You work just as hard all day. Your partner's doing exactly what he or she wants to do. Go do what you want to do. Say gently. I will be back in two hours. Take your journal, sit with that soup and savor it. Enjoy the peace and quiet and give yourself what your partner had no problem giving herself or himself.

Now you're all filled up two hours to yourself. Maybe you wrote some feelings out in your journal, you enjoyed a glass of wine, and now you just go home and you think, so. I'm feeling so good. How do I wanna keep, keep feeling this way? Maybe I'll take a bath and then I'll make sure I have my outfit picked out for tomorrow.

And you treat yourself. The way you deserve to be treated. That is your relationship with your soul. You go home, take your bath, likely your partner will come around and go, how are you? And you can be honest. I'm good. You are good then. And the truth of the matter is you don't have to sit down and have a conversation because you can do this kind of thing every night.

And if your partner doesn't at some point go, Hey, are we good? And do some of the work too. Then you can keep doing this every night and not need that partner anymore, and that'll be really clear in about six days that if you don't do all the work for that partnership, you don't get anything. But because you just gave it to yourself, you don't have any conflict or issue, and you didn't have to have a conversation, and you didn't have to be the one who noticed the problem.

The problem is your relationship with your soul. You get that straight and the secondary relationship will work itself out. Likely. What happens when, when somebody does something like this is there is a change in the dance step of this relationship, and the other partner goes, Hey, what is going on? And they start looking at, oh, are we good?

And they start doing their work, which in the past you did for them. By having the conversation, trying to change their behavior, going into the old, same old, same old, same old that everybody's tired of. So if right now you're in a relationship that you're sort of settling or you're sort of bringing a part self to the relationship, you have one option, get more real, get more real with yourself, and then bring that to the relationship.

Whether you just are more honest in the way that you live and you never talk about it, or it does come up and you say, yeah, I haven't been feeling very happy lately, and you get them, stop there. I haven't been feeling very happy lately or satisfied lately, period. Don't do a diatribe. Let them ask. Let them be a partner.

If they don't ask anything about why you haven't been happy lately, you have a bigger problem than you thought, and it's good to know that. If you say one sentence, well, yeah, I just haven't been, I haven't been very happy lately. And if they don't get curious, that's a really good clue if they do. Oh, why is that?

Is there anything I've done? Well, yeah, I think there is. Period. Let them care. Don't do their work for them. Oh, what is it? What have I done? Well, you tell me. Why do you think I'd feel unhappy? Let them think. Too many women do 80% of the relationship work. And when I say women, I'm talking yes, of course, but women and men.

But even in transgender and gay relationships. There are some that take on more of a masculine role and more of a feminine role. So whatever actual true gender one is the, you know, the gender essence of them, those who are more feminine in their natural essence will be the ones who wanna do, tend to do more of the relationship work for the other partner, and they need to stop.

It doesn't do anybody any good. So, leaning in, oh, one other really important tip. For people who over talk over, let's sit down and have a conversation about our relationship over wanna change someone else's behavior. You can do instead is simply signal how you actually feel with a sound. So let's say your partner comes home and they're like, hi, how are you?

And you know, they're not really asking. They're totally distracted. They just think they're supposed to say, how are you? And if someone says that to me, hi, how are you? I'll go.

And what I'm doing is I'm silently thinking about how I am based on the fact that I just felt a little bit dismissed. And I'm gonna think about how am I actually, and probably then my partner will go, what? Oh. How are you? And I'll go, I'm pretty good. 'cause now I'll answer because now they're looking at me and now they're actually asking me, and then I'll tell 'em I, I'm actually pretty good.

That simple signal of, you know, when I'm talked to, that way I don't actually feel like I'm being talked to. So now I'm going inward to think how I actually feel. Another example is if you feel like someone's manipulating or lying to you, they're saying something and you're not buying it, you just simply feel what you feel because your relationship is with your soul, and then you reflect it in your body language.

So they say something and I don't really believe them. And I go, huh? Say more.

I'm signaling to them that I'm not really buying that. I need to listen to more of what you have to say. Look at my head going back, I'm watching you. I'm not really believing you. I need to hear more from you before I'm gonna engage in this conversation. 'cause I don't feel safe if I'm not dealing with reality.

And I didn't say, Hmm, I don't think I believe you. I don't have to cause a confrontation. My body language does it. I just am authentic to how I actually feel in my damn soul. And that is, huh? Okay. Say more. Now they know I'm onto them, and if they are lying, they're going to start trying to figure out a way to make it seem more real.

And I will engage with them when they're dealing with reality with me and when I believe them. And I'm good at feeling that because I'm in touch with my soul and I can trust my feelings. And if I am not buying it, my body language is showing it and I'm not showing my cards 'cause I'm not safe. So I'm not gonna say to you, I'm not feeling good about this conversation.

I'm not gonna say that to someone I'm not safe with. I'm just gonna signal it. Huh? Say more. Keep going. I'm curious about that. Keep going. I'm not doing their work for them. If someone's manipulating me or maybe lying to me, I'm not doing their work for them. I'm going to make them do the work of coming to reality.

And if they can't, I'm not gonna stick around for long. Because my relationship is with my soul first. And now the people who do show up, who are, who are authentic with their own feelings, who signal me the right way that is authentic to how they're actually feeling now let's dance, let's talk, let's play, let's love.

Now we're getting somewhere. So.

The last thing I wanna say on this is I wanna give you a tip that right now will get you closer to living the most amazing kind of relationship you ever even didn't think possible. And it's one simple thing with your partner that you can do today. You can sit down the next time you're together, whether it's at dinner or where or the next authentic time you're together.

Do not force this into some moment where it's not the right time. Wait for the right moment when you're together, connecting in some way and simply do this. Tell me something about you that, I don't know, maybe you've been married 30 years, there's still something about your partner you don't know. It could be the most insignificant thing or it could be something big, or it'll probably be something silly and insignificant because they'll start with something easy and then you do the same back that is bringing mystery.

'cause you thought you had them all figured out, but you don't. They have a soul in there. They have a whole being that is separate and their own entity, and you're asking them, show me one thing about you that I don't know. Now you just have a mystery. It's uncomfortable. Then they ask you back and you go, okay, I'll do it too.

Okay? And maybe you start with something insignificant and then you just keep going a little bit longer. You go, well, that was kind of fun. I didn't know that. And then you, that could prompt questions or conversation and excitement and mystery, and then you go, let's do that again. If it comes naturally to do that again, the longer you do that, the more little tidbits you get.

Rounding out the person that you thought you had all figured out. Now they're more exciting to you. Huh? There's something about you. That's not all mine. Yay. What woman doesn't find that hot? What man doesn't find that hot? It's the mystery that we find hot and then balance with the stability of, wow, I show up and I'm authentic and I'm real.

So do that today and start tiny. And if your partner goes, no, you know everything about me, and you go, I don't think I know everything. Just tell me one little thing. And they resist you. And resist you and resist you. Then what the heck's going on? Then now you have more information about your partner, which is, huh?

They wanna stay in a box, but I don't, so then you can say, huh, that's really interesting that you don't even want to do that. Like, it's not hard. There's gotta be something in there. What is it about this that makes you so uncomfortable? Why are you bugging me? Why are you, that person wants to stay in their comfort zone.

They're in a, in a phase of non-growth. It is good for you to know that. That if you stay with them and they stay in non-growth, it's going to stagnate. So let's say that's the case. You have to keep growing. Then you have to, what you're not getting from them, give yourself and go, okay, who in my life is growing that I can have an interesting conversation with?

And you can say, I'm gonna, I'm going to do that. I'm gonna do that soon. Um, you know, or you could even say, wow, I just find that. Kind of funny. I don't know what button I push, but that's strange to me. But all right, I'm not gonna push you, but there will be a natural break in the closeness, which is normal, and that is life showing you he's not, or she's not going to give that to you right now and you still need it.

You go find it. I'm not talking about going and having an affair. I'm talking about what kind of a friend can I have an interesting growth. Filled conversation with what kind of work makes me feel more alive and more vibrant and like things are growing and changing. And if you do that for yourself, then what will naturally happen to that partnership Is he, he or she's gonna have a moment to go like, oh gosh, I either have to grow or this is gonna, I'm gonna lose something.

And that can be very good for somebody, is a fact anyway. I told you if one person's growing, this is doomed. Unless and until that person starts to see that. That's the reality they're facing. Oh gosh, if I stay in my box, I'm gonna lose that person eventually. It's not good for our relationship. They have to then face their own soul by you're facing yours.

It prompts them to see theirs, and that is a loving thing to do. Now, a lot of people do that's not, that is they still try to manipulate them rather than being in their own soul, feeding their own self. They're like, well, I'll show that person. And I'll go, blah, blah, blah. But where their energy really is, is about manipulating them.

They're not being their soul. Your primary relationship is with you. They're secondary, so don't do your actions for manipulating them. That's, that's a lower level of consciousness. It's like, oh, I've tried to get this with my partner and I get nothing. My soul still needs it. I'm going to find it in my work, my friendships, my other parts of me, my exercise, whatever.

And then if this continues, I, I know it won't be sustainable, and I'll be honest about that. I won't run off and get fed by the affair.

If every relationship, if every person knew that relationships that stand, the test of, that have the ability to keep growing requires this element. Imagine if people start thinking about their friendships that way. Their partnerships, of course, that way. It's true for friendships. It's just a little bit less important.

You don't have to share every single part of yourself with every friend, but there should be one there. It's beautiful. There's one person on this planet that you live your soul's journey and share that along the way with that person, even when it takes you slightly away from them, and you have the courage to say it anyway.

That's what keeps it going. But friendships too must be reciprocally, reciprocally growing and both people are growing for that relationship that will keep growing. If one person stagnates and one person's growing, either that's going to break up or stagnate and become less frequent that they see each other and eventually die.

Or this person who isn't growing will want to grow, and if they don't, they won't, and that's fine.

This is what's happening here. This is how it works. Old vows, that ball and chained us to each other because we fell in love at 22. How well is that working? More than 50% of those marriages fail, and that means that they break up. What about the other 45% that are damn well holding on? Are they really doing this or are they doing it for their friends to know they're still together?

Are they doing it for the children who could already feel the tension in the household and can't stand it? Are they doing it and feeling like they're so depressed they don't wanna get outta bed? There's a gamut. There's a range. How many of those 45% that stay together are feeling the mystery, the excitement, and the stability?

The sacredness going through life that way. It's the big, one of the biggest gifts that life has to offer us. It might be the biggest gift that life has to offer us to share one's soul with another human being who's sharing their soul's journey with you. It is phenomenal, the feelings that come with that, the satisfaction, the interest, the fun, all of it.

But it takes courage. That's why so few people have it, but it's worth it if everybody knew it's worth it. And they just played my little game. What's one thing I don't know about you? And then they kept playing that as they both change over and over through life as life plays with them, as they become more empowered, more successful in their own paths, more.

Um, multifaceted. This is made of the fabric of life that is a partnership aligned with a fabric of what life itself is. I hope you have the courage to lean into it. If this episode holds a shred of truth for you that you know you can't deny, then share this. Like, subscribe and share this with everyone you know that's in any kind of relationship anywhere.