Reclaiming Libido, Pleasure and Enhancing Feminine Sexuality in Midlife with Susan Bratton

Could sexual intimacy be better than it ever was before menopause?

In this episode of the Menopause Disruptor Podcast, host Mary Lee explores the often neglected topic of sexual intimacy and libido during midlife with renowned relationship and intimacy expert, Susan Bratton. Susan shares insights on how extending your sex span can increase longevity and enhance overall health. 

The discussion delves into the complexities of female sexuality, the impact of menopause on libido, and the importance of reclaiming one's sensuality. Susan emphasizes the physical, emotional, and spiritual benefits of sexual pleasure, offering practical advice and tools like Yoni massage and her ever-popular Expand Her Orgasm program. 

This conversation will shatter outdated beliefs - largely created by social and religious constructs - and empower midlife women to embrace their divine right to pleasure, ultimately contributing to a longer, healthier, and more fulfilling life.

Susan Bratton, "Intimacy Expert to Millions," is a champion and advocate for all those who desire intimacy. She’s created hundreds of techniques that transform “having sex” into making love and is the world’s most well-respected sexual biohacker.

She is co-founder and CEO of two companies: Personal Life Media, Inc., a publisher of the Better Lover brand of heart-connected lovemaking techniques and bedroom communication skills and sexual regenerative therapies. And The20, LLC., a manufacturer of organic and botanical supplements that enhance sexual vitality.

Connect:

• Discover more about Susan Bratton on her website, Facebook, Instagram
• Follow her on YouTube

Resources:

• Claim your freebie: 38 Fascinating Facts That Supercharge Your Sex Drive
• A free ebook: Revealing How Expanded Orgasm Can Improve Your Love Life

Transcript

Susan Bratton: 0:00

Extending your sex span expands and extends your health span. It increases your longevity. There are a number of reasons why that it does. some of them are things like, it reboots your nervous system. It generates oxytocin. We haven't had all these experiences and we now suddenly we're having them and we're getting these neural pathways and we're having more experiences, and that's making us feel more confident, and then we can move from the receive of our feminine to the activation of the masculine in our sexuality where we begin to say, oh, I know what I want. Let's try this today. You know what would turn me on? I wanna try this.

Mary Lee: 0:49

To the Menopause Disruptor Podcast, the space where we break the silence, debunk the myths. Boldly reframe what it means to thrive in midlife and beyond. And today we're leaning into a topic that too often gets pushed into the shadows. Sexual intimacy, low libido, and unspoken shame that can come with it. And if you've ever felt like you've lost your spark or that desire is something that quietly faded into the background of your busy hormonally shifting life. You're not alone, but you're also not broken. My guest today is here to remind us that pleasure is not a luxury, it's a birthright. Joining me is the unbelievable Susan Bratton, a renowned relationship in intimacy expert, the CEO of the 20 and personal life media. The bestselling author of a staggering 34 books, including Relationship Magic, revive, her Drive and Sexual Soulmates, the Six Essentials for Connected Sex. Susan has been featured across countless major platforms in the US and beyond, including the internationally claimed podcast diary of A CEO with Stephen Bartlett, where she captivated audiences with her trailblazing insights and disarmingly honest approach to sex. Connection, orgasms and the truth about what really goes on behind closed doors. Susan is unapologetically passionate about helping women, especially women in midlife, reclaim their libido, redefine intimacy, and reconnect to to the sensual, powerful beings we are. And in this conversation, we dive deep into the hidden, often taboo issues that hold us back from experiencing true, nourishing pleasure. Explore why intimacy is not separated from health, but fundamental to it mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. This conversation is not just about sex. It's about sovereignty, and the divine right to experience pleasure in our bodies at every age. I am certain this episode will expand your thinking, dissolve some outdated beliefs, and spark something within you that might just change your life or your bedroom for the better. but before we begin, here's something you need to know about Susan Bratton. Susan is hailed as the intimacy expert to millions. Is a champion and advocate for all those who desire intimacy and passion She's created hundreds of techniques that transform having sex into making love, and is the world's most well-respected sexual biohacker. Fun fact, Susan did mannequin modeling in department stores to put herself through college. She became a multimillionaire by the age of 37. lost everything, and then went on to build her business with incredible success. Her core expertise lies in the intersection between passionate lovemaking techniques and bedroom communication skills, and she has studied extensively what makes intimacy truly passionate, surrendered, and connected, and she boils down those skills to simple practices that anyone can use to achieve profound, pleasurable results. So get ready to feel seen, inspired, and maybe even a little turned on in the best way possible. Good morning, Susan. I am so thrilled to have you on the show. We are gonna talk about something that's really important in the menopause experience. I mean, we lose our memory and we are so many other things. We lose, uh, our muscle mass.

Susan Bratton: 4:32

Mm-hmm.

Mary Lee: 4:32

thing that we lose that we're not talking about and is so critical, and I think there's a, a beautiful tie in with mental health and that is losing our sex drive, our libido, and our to, or desire to explore sexually. Essentially, you're here to talk about we can do about it, become better lovers, and this is so significant as we go through a menopause journey to reclaim our power as divine feminine women.

Susan Bratton: 5:02

Mm-hmm. Yes, thank you, Mary Lee. Yeah, there is, um, so much that goes on with us physically that can be really overwhelming during the time of menopause. things that affect us like, uh, thinning of the entire vulval. tissue system, the erectile tissue system, which makes it harder to achieve orgasm, make sex painful, increases difficulty for lubrication. And I want to give your listeners some really helpful tips about lubrication. I'm going to tell you all the different things I do to keep my yoni. And that's, that's a word that I really love to use for Our entire female genital system because I don't like the word vulva because that's just the outside. I don't like the word vagina because it feels very patriarchal. Like, the only thing that matters is the place that the penis goes in and the baby comes out, you know, like we're not, we're not breeding stock. We're pleasure beings. And, The difficulty achieving orgasm as we age, what can be done about that, um, so loss of sensation, loss of lubrication, incontinence, things like that, but then overall just beginning to lose internal system resources around mitochondrial function, lower energy, the heavy load. of stress and how it takes its toll and often that we don't acknowledge the powerful impact that is having on us. that's gut punching us and we're thinking it's like we don't have enough Estrogen. Estrogen is not going to solve that. So, you know, what do you do about that? And, um, I want to want him, but I don't, I feel guilty. I feel broken. I'm, I feel, embarrassed. I don't like the way my body's changing. We've got body image issues. Often those, and not wanting, not having desire. When our partners still have more testosterone, uh, than we do, also makes us feel guilty that we're doing a bad job being a partner. I mean, it is just an absolute grenade of issues that detonates in midlife, but I have solutions for everything, honestly, for everything. And I think the most important thing is that anybody who's listening to this episode that we're doing together, Mary Lee, that's someone who hasn't yet given up their sex life. The women who are normal listeners on your show, who listen to other shows, but don't listen to this, they've already given up. they're glad to be out from under it. They've shut it down and moved on. And that's a true, that's a reasonable choice. So I want to talk today to the women who haven't given up. And are looking for answers, solutions, workarounds, ideas, et cetera. Because I think that's the most important thing is that there's a fork in the road. And I can, I can say this because the people, the women who are listening are still, yes, how, what, hope, please tell me. And they, if they continue to seek information and solve their problems, then they'll take a fork in the road toward long term intimate pleasure and connection, which will add years to their life, literally make them look younger than their cohorts who took the other fork in the road, and they will be happier at the end of their life, which is one of the biggest contributors. to living longer is of course being in relationship and happier. So we're really talking about a long, it's longevity. When you pull, tease it all apart, the ultimate, the ultimate goal is a longer, healthier, happier life. And that's what passionate lovemaking, good intimacy, sexual pleasure does for us. So I'm 63 now, and I'm having the best sex of my life. I'm also still menstruating. It's my choice to do it because I've been taking Bioidentical Hormone Replacement for decades now, since my 40s. I've been keeping my hormones topped up. I'm a bit of an odd bird in that I want to menstruate as long as possible because for me, it feels good and it's a signal of fertility that makes me feel a little less put out to pasture. Not every woman, very few women like me to say it. They get really triggered by it. I've gotten hate comments for it. It's triggering for people because they don't want their period. They want to be done. They don't like it and they're afraid of hormones and I understand that. So that's why I really want to, I'm saying some things because I am a, I'm really a longevity. oriented person. Everything that I'm doing around my aging is to live to a hundred and have hot sex till the day I die.

Mary Lee: 10:33

Beautiful. Amen to that. Sign me up.

Susan Bratton: 10:38

Good.

Mary Lee: 10:40

That's incredible,

Susan Bratton: 10:41

You're on the list.

Mary Lee: 10:43

Well after I, after we unpack what you have to share

Susan Bratton: 10:47

Yeah.

Mary Lee: 10:48

keeping ourselves healthy

Susan Bratton: 10:51

Mm-hmm.

Mary Lee: 10:51

a pleasurable way for long, long-term health

Susan Bratton: 10:55

Yeah.

Mary Lee: 10:55

goals and, and I love that, but 63 and still menstruating. I can't let that one go without looking into this. Now, of course, we all know that everybody's, uh, menopause journey is unique and personal to them. And this is probably a rarity.

Susan Bratton: 11:10

It is.

Mary Lee: 11:11

I'm not sure how the doctor has explained because bioidentical starting and now we are understanding that starting bioidenticals earlier and,

Susan Bratton: 11:21

Mm.

Mary Lee: 11:21

then the Menopause Society formerly NAMS is backing this 100%. The earlier you can get on it, the better you're setting yourself up for long-term health goals. For a number

Susan Bratton: 11:31

Yeah.

Mary Lee: 11:31

heart health, brain

Susan Bratton: 11:32

Yeah.

Mary Lee: 11:33

uh,

Susan Bratton: 11:33

Bone health.

Mary Lee: 11:35

bone health,

Susan Bratton: 11:35

God health, hard health. Yeah. Yeah.

Mary Lee: 11:40

be able to still, menstruate into

Susan Bratton: 11:43

Mm-hmm.

Mary Lee: 11:43

that is, that is an anomaly, I will have to say

Susan Bratton: 11:46

I am an anomaly. Mm-hmm.

Mary Lee: 11:47

But, I love how that aside, how you've reframed it in such a way that you are, and it's the whole thing about pleasure maintaining your divine feminine birthright

Susan Bratton: 12:03

Mm-hmm.

Mary Lee: 12:04

it and stepping into that power.

Susan Bratton: 12:06

Yeah.

Mary Lee: 12:06

that alone, that mindset has been, uh, uh, it number one step in anything that we want to accomplish or go through the challenges is the mindset work and recognizing that we're stepping into such a beautiful opportunity in our lives as we go through the menopause transition. But this, the sexual pleasure. I never really equated it to pleasure being that, that golden ticket, if you will, to still maintain vitality and longevity.

Susan Bratton: 12:40

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

Mary Lee: 12:42

dive into the whole issue about pleasure and I think one area I'd like to start is, why do women feel they have to give up their desire to have pleasure? Why are they denying themselves the right to still seek pleasure sexually?

Susan Bratton: 13:00

Yeah. Okay, good. And I want to comment on one thing that you said in your response to my last question as well. Um, but I've got it. Why do women think they have to give it up? Um, and that is that you said living into our full femininity, and I live into my full femininity, but I also live into my full masculinity. When I do hormone replacement, I'm not only taking estrogen and progesterone, I'm also taking testosterone. And I am, I am a, very big woman. I'm almost six feet tall, I weigh over 160 pounds. It's mostly muscle. I'm wearing my workout clothes right now because I'm going to go lift after this episode. And I am really focused on not shrinking. That's how I think about it. And I'm not shrinking from anything. anyone, anywhere, anytime, or any place. Now, that being said, I am married to my husband of 33 years, and I had a very, insecurely attached, traumatic childhood, and I really need safety and security as my number one relationship value, and yet, equally, I'm a warrior princess. So, I like what testosterone replacement gets me too, which is Confidence balls. It gives you balls. You know, it makes you not afraid to drive on the freeway. It makes you stand up for yourself. It makes you have more sexual desire. It is such and it helps you build muscle. And I'm focused on muscle building. I'm focused on bone growth. Osteoblasts are my friend. I really like to, one of the workout things that I do is called the ARX machine. I did it yesterday, and it's this machine that does eccentric and concentric Motions the underweight very slowly and they you push it really, really slowly and maintain this even push against the machine and then it pushes back against you and you resist it. All the way back for a minute, and then you do other exercises and things like that. And what that does is it builds not only muscle, but bone density, which is so important for us. Hip fractures and urinary incontinence are the top two things that put us in assisted living, And the second thing that I want to say about the masculinity is because I'm a sexuality educator, what I actually do is I teach passionate lovemaking techniques, bedroom communication skills, and intimate wellness. And now I'm going to move into answering your second question about female pleasure. The reason that I do it, and the reason that I do what I do, teach passionate, it's heart connected, passionate, conscious, love making techniques. Because essentially, they are the antidote to everything we see in the media and pornography, which is All male pleasure centered women don't even see any images. We get no education about what the female body wants for pleasure. What we need for pleasure. So the reason that those women who gave up gave is that they likely never had sex that was pleasurable enough to bother continuing to do it.

Mary Lee: 17:00

uh,

Susan Bratton: 17:01

Because if you love the sex you're having with your partner and you've got vaginal thinning, loss of lubrication, more difficulty orgasming, you go out and you fix it. The other women are like, I'm just gonna let it go. So, if you think about what it is that holds us back from having the pleasure that we want, it is that we've never seen what that can really look like for us. It's, it's pushed down, it's hidden from us. That's why I think tantric lovemaking, and I don't necessarily teach tantra, but I teach the techniques that are tantra techniques without calling them tantra. I teach the heart connection, I teach the closeness, getting into this Theta brainwave state of connection that you don't know where your pleasure and orgasm start and your partner's pleasure and orgasms end. It's all just this beautiful kind of intertwined DNA helix, kind of a spiritual experience of just incredible pleasure together. It's slower paced. It's less the kind of sex that we see is, is what I would call grab a boob and stick it in, right? It's just driven to penetration. I was on a show the other day with the lovely Karen Martell, another menopause show. And I was talking to her about female libido desire and arousal and how libido is your physical health. When you're not healthy, that low resource thing that I was talking about, the mitochondrial, like the, the losing of your mitochondrial efficiency and things like that, that it makes you tired. And it, your body's not working as well as you two and it's harder to do anything, it's hard, it's harder just to change the darn sheets on the bed, you know, so you just, you get fatigued. so that's libido, desire is, how do I feel about myself? How do I feel about my partner? God, our self talk, look at your fat butt, we got to let that stuff go. We got to love ourselves. And when we're walking around with core wounds, fears, poor, secure attachments, low self worth. feeling unlovable, that really affects our desire. And how do we feel about our partner? Are they meeting our needs in the other aspects of our relationship? Have they let themselves go? You know what? There's a million things about our partner. And then arousal. And this is where I really feel like we get tripped up in our own lingerie. And that is that if you think about a male body partner, his penis, it gets an erection really quickly. The testosterone, the hemodynamics, he just, He's ready to go. And everything we see on the movies is, he rips off her shirt and he pulls down her pants and he plunges into her and she starts having an orgasm and it's just incredible. And women are like, I don't, that doesn't happen for me. What, what's wrong with that? What's wrong with me? And that's not what our bodies need. Our bodies take about 20 minutes for that same erectile tissue that we have in our vulva. It's the same. If I took all the erectile tissue out of your husband's penis and laid it in one hand, it would cover your palm. If I took it out of your vulva and put it in the other hand, it would cover your palm. But his is like three tubes. It's like a banana. Ours is little nooks and crannies, little tiny things, little arms, little legs, little shafts, little glands, little sponges, little tubes, literally. That's what that looks like in there. And so it just takes longer for the blood to seep in because we don't need it to Shoot in and lock off to hold our erection. Our erection comes slowly. And every time we have sex, any kind of sex, whether it's oral pleasuring, intercourse, whatever it might be, any time we rush through, before we're what's called fully engorged, I like to call it our lady boner, before we get to that point, if we've already been penetrated, It's not gonna feel good. We don't have our erection. Your husband's not gonna have lovemaking without a, a, you know, engorged penis, right? A hard, firm erection. But we do it constantly because nobody told us. And we see no evidence of it. And that's societal repression, religious repression. It's all the control mechanisms for owning women's bodies instead of giving us information and autonomy. And, we don't have pleasure based sex education. We don't see it in the movies. We don't see any of that stuff. So how would we know? We're just trying to have sex. We've been having sex like men instead of having sex like women. I do not blame men. They don't know either. they didn't get the memo. They didn't get anything that we didn't get. And so they're just doing what they see. They're just doing what they think and they're doing what feels good to them. So I think that's a very, very important part of it is that you've never probably achieved the level of pleasure. So I was talking to Karen and I was talking about Yoni massage. Yoni massage using certain tools that I like. Um, I really recommend having Yoni massages and having your partner give them to you and using Volvo massage tools. there's a couple that I like. One is called the Queen and one is literally simply called the Vibe. And they're external massagers that help. Accelerate the engorgement of blood flow and start priming your orgasmic so that you become very multi orgasmic from oral pleasuring, manual pleasuring, love making, etc. And, let me give you a link for it too, Mary Lee, because I found that people get really frustrated if I don't say exactly where to go to find it. they're at drivedesire. com. And the queen is a little stronger. I prefer it, I like the deeper penetrative sensation of it, but some women are more sensitive, more delicate, or more kind of highly sensitive people who don't like noisy things. And the queen's not noisy, but the vibe is completely quiet. Like if you have kids in the house and you're worried about using anything, and a lot of people do. And, uh, they want something completely silent. If I turn this on and turn this up to full blast, you could not hear it if I held it right to the microphone. So, have a yoni massage practice, and don't tie it. To penetration or sex of any kind, just start this practice with your partner if you're lucky enough to have one and it could take 10 times for you to get all that blood flow really into all that tissue for you to feel what I mean. It could take two times. It could be the first time. But when you lay down with your partner and you give them the opportunity to pleasure you and to find your way together to what feels good and where you need it, which by the way is different every time, because even after menopause, we run with the moon cycle, and so sometimes we need more pressure, faster, harder, deeper, sometimes it's light, Verily touch me. You know, so delicate. And we have to tune into that. We have to use our interception, one of our senses, because sex is sensual. That is the way we scan our body. You know how if you're like, oh, I've got gas, I've got you know, or Oh, I've got a stomach ache, or, oh, I stu my toe and I think I really heard it, or whatever. That's called interoception and. Your vulva, your yoni, she's talking to you all the time. If you tune into her and listen, she'll tell you and then you tell your partner what she's telling you because you have to team together. You can't expect your partner to know what to do. You can't expect yourself to know what to do. And what you did last time is not what you're going to want now. So really tuning in and beginning that communication so your partner can win. And you, you give him a lot of respect for a job well done because he got the information that he needed. That's what he's looking for. So when women shy away from pleasure, it's because they honestly have never really felt it. And they're so used to putting themselves last, of course, as well, and they're like doing it for him or whatever. And that's just a bad, that's a bad road to go down. Working on expanding your pleasure is The best thing and that's why I think Yoni massages are a really good place to start because then you're introducing a tool into your lovemaking into your intimate time where your partner is not going to feel like, Oh, she, I'm not giving her enough pleasure. It's more like when you talk to him about it being a tool, he understands tools. I often joke that if Makita or some, Home Depot or whatever, those, man's tools whatever they are. I don't even know what man's tools are. This is why I like men because they know what man's tools are.

Mary Lee: 26:15

Yeah.

Susan Bratton: 26:16

if it was like an electric screw drill or something, I was like, I sound like such a dummy.

Mary Lee: 26:21

A ban. I don't know.

Susan Bratton: 26:23

It just like electric drill. But it was a yoni massage brand. It was that brand, but it was a yoni massager. A dude would be like, yeah, I've got the best one in the business. This is, my wife is just like really loving sex now because I give her these yoni massage. Oh, you don't give your wife, you don't even say, oh, you gotta get this tool. Yeah, I got that down at the depot. you gotta work with them the way they're, and you know what they like, right? We want jewelry, we want flowers, we want candy. They like tools. But if you posit it in the right way, it empowers them. You're so good with your hands. You're so good with tools. I wanna try this. You know.

Mary Lee: 26:58

this is fascinating.

Susan Bratton: 27:00

Good.

Mary Lee: 27:01

you did say, and I, I'm gonna jump on this. Expand your pleasure. And I think of expansion again as we enter into our age of wisdom and elevated philosophy. Menopause is the age of wisdom where we step into this new role. We're not birthing children whether we've had them or not, but that role of reproduction, we're birthing into something great or something that is centered on us, which again, you're societal and religious construct that says, how dare we be so self-centered and egotistical. But it isn't because we're stepping into a time expansion. We're expanding everything about our feminine side. and I do appreciate that you said the, the masculine too, because a well-balanced system, if we

Susan Bratton: 27:50

Mm-hmm.

Mary Lee: 27:51

for example,

Susan Bratton: 27:52

Yeah.

Mary Lee: 27:53

Is the balance between the masculine and feminine side, not necessarily male female, but the, the masculine being things that are more structured and things that are,

Susan Bratton: 28:03

Goal oriented.

Mary Lee: 28:04

goal

Susan Bratton: 28:05

Mm-hmm.

Mary Lee: 28:05

Exactly. Whereas the feminine is nurturing,

Susan Bratton: 28:09

Mm-hmm.

Mary Lee: 28:10

self-exploration. And I really love how you said expand your pleasure. It's a moment of expansion. So when you're working with people, how, when they're coming to this pivotal point in their lives, especially for the women, but midlife for men and

Susan Bratton: 28:25

Mm-hmm.

Mary Lee: 28:26

where this intimacy, heart-centered intimacy and connection

Susan Bratton: 28:30

Mm-hmm.

Mary Lee: 28:31

and being aware that pleasure is, something that allows us to maintain health and vitality.

Susan Bratton: 28:39

Mm-hmm.

Mary Lee: 28:41

coach them?

Susan Bratton: 28:42

Yeah.

Mary Lee: 28:43

To embrace this idea is this is your moment to expand. If you've never had it before or what you have right now, on it. So there is the opportunity for multi orgasms. 'cause women don't know often that they can go beyond the first one,

Susan Bratton: 28:59

Yep.

Mary Lee: 29:00

Yeah. So

Susan Bratton: 29:00

Yeah,

Mary Lee: 29:01

let's get into that.

Susan Bratton: 29:02

so our body has, our body has over 20 ability to have over 20 different kinds of orgasms locations to touch techniques, to use objects of desire like, the queen and the vibe. And, we often have learned one pathway and we can get there if we just do it this one way. The problem is that really limits you. A lot of women also, when they are shy about their genitals, they don't necessarily want anyone to touch them or for them to be seen or they feel like. That doesn't even, I don't, I can't even feel anything when you touch that, part of me or I feel kind of ashamed that you're looking at me or you're touching me, or it hurts. I feel pain. And so the way to think about this is that your biggest sex organ is your brain, and it's not your biggest sex organ because, oh, I, I like dirty talk or pillow talk, or I want, when, any of those kinds of things, it's, it's more that it's the processor of sensation.

Mary Lee: 30:09

Of course,

Susan Bratton: 30:10

So when you touch your various parts of your vulva, you are feeling either pleasure or pain or shame or numbness, but your entire vulva can become activated. You can step into and expand your pleasure starting today for the rest of your life. I'm having all the kinds of orgasms and they feel much more pleasurable. They're more intense. They last longer, they're more satisfying than they've ever been for me because I've systematically just experimented with my partner and learned them all as I've gone through them and discovered them. And then that's what I teach, my followers and I don't work with anybody one-on-one. I'm not a coach nor a therapist. I'm an author of passionate love making techniques. I essentially think about myself like I'm writing cookbooks. It's a very, very similar kind of a thing where you get a recipe and it gives you the directions and you chop, you dice, you mix, you bake, you turn out a recipe the first time you make it. It might not be perfect the second time you make it. You knew more what you were going for. The third time you made it, your family's oh, this is the best thing you've ever made, and would you please add this to the weekly rotation? And that's literally how good sex and orgasms are. You, you read my recipe, step by step how to have the effect on the human operating system that gets the result that you want. It's like yoga Juujitsu Tai Chi. It's a form that let NLP they are forms that when you follow them, they give you the output and, women think there's something wrong with 'em. I can't have an orgasm from intercourse. Oh, I, I only have this one way. I can come more. Is it bad if I only, you know, my husband just, he just enters me right away and usually I can get to an orgasm. Isn't that good enough? No, my God. Have you ever had a yoni massage? Have you ever had a g-spot activation? Have you ever ha enjoyed releasing your feminine waters in female ejaculation? Have you ever had oral pleasuring where you are having an orgasm the entire time? Your partner is lovingly pleasuring you with his tongue and fingers. Have you ever had a breast gsm, a nipple gsm, a throat gsm, a foot gsm, a orgasm? Have you ever had an expanded orgasm? Have you ever become multi-orgasmic? Have you, there's just, we are like, oh, I didn't even realize there were that many kinds of orga, you know? And so I didn't know. I didn't know I could have them. I thought I could only have one. I didn't even think I could have any. I thought other people were just having them. I didn't know there were so many kinds, and I didn't know that I could use my brain to generate new neural pathways that would transform pain, shame, and numbness into pleasure. Holy cow, you just blew my mind. Well, that's interesting. So I'm 42. I'm gonna go on this journey. I'm not, I'm just, pretending I am. 'cause that's what I was 42 and I ha was ha not having orgasms from intercourse. I could only have an orgasm from my rabbit vibrator on my clitoris. This was 20 something years ago. 21 years ago. I. And I just decided to figure it out. And when I realized that I have the easiest job in the world, writing pleasure recipes and giving them to people, and they try them through, and I always say it's, it's gonna be three times you're, it's new. You've gotta lay down the neural pathway so your brain knows it's pleasure. And for many women, they've never gotten enough loving touch because they've been harmed, shamed, abused, shut down, never touched, right, et cetera.

Mary Lee: 33:53

Exactly,

Susan Bratton: 33:53

you can touch yourself through solo pleasuring and be touched by your partner in these ways, you'll expand your orgasmic capacity. And we started off talking about how. Extending your sex span expands and extends your health span. It increases your longevity. There are a number of reasons why that it does. some of them are things like, it reboots your nervous system. It generates oxytocin. we haven't had all these experiences and we now suddenly we're having them and we're getting these neural pathways and we're having more experiences, and that's making us feel more confident, and then we can move from the receive of our feminine. To the activation of the masculine in our sexuality where we begin to say, oh, I know what I want. Let's try this today. You know what would turn me on? I wanna try this. Once you get all that release from the sexual pleasure, and you start to have orgasms, it begins to oxygenate your brain. Every single location you touch on your vulva, that is pleasurable. Oxygenates a different part, brings blood flow through sensory processing to a different part of your brain. You get all this blood flow going to your brain, which of course is healthy. It detoxes your brain, it keeps your cognitive function high. Now you've rebooted your nervous system. You've got this oxytocin flowing from the skin to skin contact, and oxytocin is essentially. The antidote, if you will. This is non-scientific explanation, obviously, but the antidote to cortisol. Cortisol is what you dump. That's your adrenaline that you dump in stress, oxytocin It tones it down, and oxytocin not only makes you feel closer to yourself, but closer to people in general. It also inspires awe again, where if you felt flat, you felt depressed or anxious. Oxytocin generating a whole bunch more of it really, really helps attenuate depression and anxiety. It also triggers a cascade of feel-good hormones. Of course, you're dumping serotonin, you're having a dopamine hit. It also gives you. IG F1. More natural killer cell production, which is those killer cells are what? Chomp, chomp, chomp, like pacman on your senescent cells, your broken cells, your damaged cells, your precancerous cells. And so it actually produces more nk cells, which is one of the reasons it extends longevity. And if you're in relationship with a male body partner, his semen is a real longevity gift to us because it not only has testosterone in it, so it improves your libido. The more sex you have, the more sex you want, the more sexual pleasure you experience. It also gives you, serotonin for a mood lift. It also releases endorphins, I forgot to say that's not the semen, but your body releases endorphins, lowers pain. in semen is sperm dine, sperming and reine, which are. polyA means that now are available in supplement form that actually support nine of the 12 hallmarks of longevity. in ancient Daoist practices, when the Daoist masters used semen retention, the reason they were doing semen retention is that they were getting holding high amounts of sperming, sperm and Racine, which helped lengthen their telomeres and things like this. It's crazy. They're lytic in nature. They help you do go into autophagy and rid yourself of these broken cells, which then increases your mitochondrial function, which results in more energy, so you get more confidence, more energy, more cognitive function, better sleep, lower pain, better nervous system, higher oxytocin. You like people better. I mean, just liking people better would be enough for me. But then you begin to love art and music and cooking and the joy of your family and your friends at a higher level because your oxytocin is pumping through your system again.

Mary Lee: 38:35

And

Susan Bratton: 38:36

benefits are incredible.

Mary Lee: 38:38

and then another spinoff I can see from that is when you have this high hit of oxytocin and endorphins, self-love comes out of it as well. Make

Susan Bratton: 38:49

does.

Mary Lee: 38:49

you feel good about, regardless of what you might look like or think that your body should look like

Susan Bratton: 38:56

Yeah.

Mary Lee: 38:56

Society tells us what we should look like,

Susan Bratton: 38:59

Yeah,

Mary Lee: 38:59

and certain size, but when you have that rush of pleasure, you can't help but feel

Susan Bratton: 39:08

exactly. Yeah.

Mary Lee: 39:10

And I can hear all the men out there just probably thinking, see, honey, I told you why you need more semen. all the good stuff in it.

Susan Bratton: 39:19

And your vaginal mucosal lining is a sponge, so it absorbs it, which is really nice. it's a very good way to do it. Um, the oxytocin is a really interesting thing, I don't know if you know Dr. William Davis. He wrote weak belly, super gut, un doctored. Bill is fantastic. If you have him on your show, I, good friend of mine, if you email me and I'll introduce you. He is,

Mary Lee: 39:40

Make that

Susan Bratton: 39:41

he is my, the one of the loves of my life and he, um, he teaches people how to use lactobacillus rooti to which is a probiotic and culture it in yogurt you can do nut milk or cow milk or goat milk or whatever you, well, whatever you like. I use heavy cream 'cause I like the fat because I like the C 15 fatty acids. The EFAs that you get from milk and, the. When you culture your own yogurt at home, then you make your morning smoothie with it, with your collagens and your proteins and your berries and, very, very healthy and really good for helping build muscle as well. And the lactobacillus root eye cultured in this homemade yogurt means you're eating yogurt that's not made with thickeners. It doesn't come in a plastic bottle. You're not making more trash in the world. And the colonizing units are very high when you ferment it slowly at home. And you need lactobacillus Rui for oxytocin production. and most of us have killed off. Our oxytocin production because Lactobacillus Red Dry is a very, very delicate bacteria, so you have to reestablish the bacterial colonies. As a matter of fact, I had an earache all week in my ES esta eustachian tube, and I have to take antibiotics. So I'm literally, after I work out today, I am going to go to the store and make a fresh batch of yogurt and start eating that up again because it will restore my oxytocin levels. I will feel them be hit from having to take an antibiotic, which I do not like to do. So quite interesting that you can reestablish your colonies and then you will feel so much more love and calmness.

Mary Lee: 41:44

Yeah. Yeah. balance microbiome.

Susan Bratton: 41:49

Yeah.

Mary Lee: 41:49

good bacteria, the diversity in our gut microbiome. And this, Susan, this has been the best science on

Susan Bratton: 41:59

Oh,

Mary Lee: 42:00

I could ever imagine.

Susan Bratton: 42:01

oh, thanks Mary.

Mary Lee: 42:03

We need to be teaching this.

Susan Bratton: 42:05

I know I am.

Mary Lee: 42:06

even at a younger age, rather than sex being, okay, consent and, yeah, reproduction. We have to

Susan Bratton: 42:16

Pleasure.

Mary Lee: 42:17

the whole idea. And on that note, was it very difficult, 'cause we spoke earlier, before we hit record,

Susan Bratton: 42:24

Mm.

Mary Lee: 42:25

it being still lumped into

Susan Bratton: 42:29

Mm-hmm.

Mary Lee: 42:29

Has it been difficult for you on your journey to share your message?

Susan Bratton: 42:35

Very, very difficult because, um, anything sexual is censored in my country. And I live in the us I'm in California, and, it's only getting worse. As a matter of fact, I have some programs that show pleasuring skills and I am very concerned about even publishing them many more. I don't wanna put myself at risk and the hammer is falling hard here right now, we are on the brink of going into dark ages again, and I'm extremely concerned about myself, my family, and my livelihood. I had my worst year last year after 18 years of doing this. It is just harder and harder. There's more and more censorship just talking about female pleasure, just talking about the things that I talk

Mary Lee: 43:28

Mm-hmm.

Susan Bratton: 43:29

yeah, I'm concerned that we're really accelerating backward. Like you said, your analogy was so good that you said to me.

Mary Lee: 43:37

Yes, I mentioned that pulling back the arrow and we're pulling it back, trying to go back in time. But that tension is building so heavy the, you can only pull it back so far, but once that tension breaks, you're gonna, I feel I'm holding out hope that we will thrust ourselves so far forward beyond where we started and see these systems break down so that we can enter a new era

Susan Bratton: 44:06

Yeah.

Mary Lee: 44:06

get out of this mindset that we've been living into the patriarchal mindset for so long, which has been damaging for women

Susan Bratton: 44:13

Damaging for everyone. It's a bad mindset.

Mary Lee: 44:16

this is true,

Susan Bratton: 44:17

We need women to start taking everything over and fixing it. All it, that's what it's gonna take.

Mary Lee: 44:21

Yeah. goodness.

Susan Bratton: 44:23

we are lucky to be white women. That we're not even feeling the really big brunt of it. So I know it's very scary. I wanted to close a loop on something I dropped. Um, and that is that, when I was talking about, rushing yourself, okay, I'm gonna just jump into intercourse and I'll get there. the problem with that is that it, it's a path. Okay. I'm just, you know, gonna, I'm gonna do what I've been doing. 'cause I, I can,

Mary Lee: 44:52

Mm.

Susan Bratton: 44:52

have an orgasm if my husband penetrates me and I can get there. The problem is that it's kind of like, and I need a good analogy for this Mary Lee, and you're really, I think you're really good at this. So I'm putting this in your brain. Um, what I wanna say about that kind of a thing is. Why do you wanna slow down and expand your pleasure pathways? What, why do you wanna do that? And that's because I believe in the richness of sex. The, the bounty of pleasure. And the more pleasure we can saturate into our bones, the better life we will have. The more calm, the more healthy, the longer we'll live, the better we'll look. Because when you're having hot sex, you just keep yourself a little more together. you make yourself feel a little happier. you really honor the vessel in a way that you don't, when you're not having incredible sex with it. And it makes you take better care of yourself and love yourself more. And when you have really hot sex, you also, I. women, we have body image issues and it's the trick of estrogen, estrogen's doing it to us. And that's why we women across the board have body image issues. It's not any individual one of us. and our society leverages this and takes advantage of us in this way to make us feel like there's something not beautiful about us, but they're only taking advantage of a system that already existed because estrogen is a mo is the molecule of safety. Because we are prey, because men prey on us. They are the predators in the homo sapien kingdom. Not all, but a lot

Mary Lee: 46:40

Mm-hmm.

Susan Bratton: 46:40

more than you, than we say. More than it, it is comfortable for us to discuss. We, almost every woman we talk to has had some. Sort of abuse, assault, shame, repression, what have you. You, you can't live in this society unscathed. But the problem is that estrogen is in some ways here to keep us safe. We are the horses and the men are the mountain lions, and we are flight or fright. We are, we or feed. Some of us get overweight to assuage

Mary Lee: 47:22

free.

Susan Bratton: 47:22

and we run away and we're scared. We're skitting. It's hard for us to get out of our head. We, we look at a million things simultaneously. We're amazing multitaskers. We've got an incredible reticular activation systems constantly scanning for danger because we're in danger. And so when we try to slow down and get out of our heads and into our bodies, it is so hard for us compared to our male body partners who walk in the world safely. They're not worried about things. Testosterone makes them overly confident. It gives them instant erectile function. They've got competitive advantages in this way. Now we've got many competitive advantages too, but we think there's something wrong with us. 'cause we don't have the response times of men. We're not ready to go. we need to feel safe to relax, to let the lubrication flow, to let the blood flow down into our pelvic bowl, to expand that tissue, to plump it up so that when it's touched, it feels good and sends the signals to our brain. estrogen makes us so judgy it. It's because judgment keeps us safe. Is that danger? Is that a problem? And that judgment, we reflect back on ourselves as body image issues.

Mary Lee: 48:47

That's so true.

Susan Bratton: 48:48

So the minute that you start pulling yourself down, Ooh, you fat bitch, things like that. Oh, no, no, no. You gotta switch the cha. You gotta go. Oh, no, estrogen. Not today. Not today. Switch the channel to KLUV. Tune into your love for yourself. Tune into your body. Love your body. It's never gonna get better. It's you're gonna age. Take your pleasure, get the oxytocin. Get the cognitive function, the orgasms. Let your partner look at your vulva. Look at your own vulva. Learn more paths to pleasure, expand it. Have more intensely passionate sex.

Mary Lee: 49:35

Yes.

Susan Bratton: 49:36

get better unless you do something about it. Take the risk to have the pleasure.

Mary Lee: 49:43

Okay. I got an analogy. I,

Susan Bratton: 49:45

Ah, good. I knew you would.

Mary Lee: 49:49

Well, it's very much akin to, and you said it earlier, yoga practices

Susan Bratton: 49:55

Yep.

Mary Lee: 49:55

whether it's Tai Chi or Qigong, there's an element of going inward, very introspective, using the body as the vessel to go through these postures so that we can connect with the breath

Susan Bratton: 50:11

Mm-hmm.

Mary Lee: 50:12

the nervous system.

Susan Bratton: 50:14

Yeah.

Mary Lee: 50:15

And by doing so, we have a, a deeper understanding of who we are as, a human vessel

Susan Bratton: 50:25

Yeah,

Mary Lee: 50:25

a. Or I've heard it before, we are spirits having a human experience, not a

Susan Bratton: 50:31

yeah.

Mary Lee: 50:31

a spiritual experience. those modalities by which we can tap into that spirituality, and spirituality can be as simple as whatever it takes for you to feel good about yourself, that spirituality. And we will do yoga to explore who we are

Susan Bratton: 50:52

Mm-hmm.

Mary Lee: 50:53

or going to the gym and lifting weights,

Susan Bratton: 50:56

Yeah.

Mary Lee: 50:56

great we feel after a

Susan Bratton: 50:59

Mm-hmm. All those endorphins

Mary Lee: 51:00

powerful work at all those endorphins

Susan Bratton: 51:02

testosterone.

Mary Lee: 51:04

and, and I don't know about the listeners, but I can say in my experience, and I bet you the other listeners will say the same thing. And if you haven't noticed it, start taking note. After you've been doing weight training and exercise for a long time, your sex drive just peaks. It does. All of a sudden you feel attracted about yourself and you're

Susan Bratton: 51:23

Mm-hmm.

Mary Lee: 51:24

partner. So I say that my best analogy here is that menopause is the time of the great reveal. So whatever we have not been dealing with before, it's gonna show its face because estrogen is leaving the body.

Susan Bratton: 51:39

Mm-hmm.

Mary Lee: 51:40

But I say it's an opportunity to explore who we truly are. And I feel that all those protocols were what we can do for a lifestyle change is exercise, eat right, sleep improvement, stress reduction.

Susan Bratton: 51:55

And love yourself.

Mary Lee: 51:56

should be the pleasure

Susan Bratton: 51:58

Yeah.

Mary Lee: 51:59

and exploring who we truly are and who we are truly meant to be as women. that includes n denying. We won't deny we speak our truth. We shouldn't be denying all the other chakras as well.

Susan Bratton: 52:16

Yes.

Mary Lee: 52:16

in my power center, I'm in my creative center. My sacred chakra creative center deserves to be turned on to be creative. And that involves pleasure.

Susan Bratton: 52:25

Yeah.

Mary Lee: 52:26

So I really feel that this is our time to step into that power, as we said earlier

Susan Bratton: 52:31

Mm-hmm. Me too.

Mary Lee: 52:34

yeah. And intimacy and, and sexual pleasure is just that gateway to tap into who we truly are meant to be, without the shame and the blame. Yeah. Susan,

Susan Bratton: 52:44

I have, um, a practice that I've been teaching for a couple of decades and doing myself that was handed down to me. It's a lineage and it's a clitoral stroking technique. And, I'd, I'm, I moved to give it to your listeners if they'd like to have it. It was taught to me by, it's a paid program, but, I'll, I'm gonna give it to anybody who listens to this episode and is called to this. And I'm gonna send it to you as well. it's called Expand Her Orgasm Tonight. And a technique, it's a form like yoga and tai chi that uses a very, very light, delicate clitoral stroke. You do need a partner to do it. It's hard to do yourself. And, it's a practice that allows you to get into the moment of climax and stay in it to expand the moment of climax, expand like time, like you're pulling time like taffy, and it gets you and your partner in a limbic connection and a conjoined trance, state of bliss. And it's very empowering for the giver, the doer, as well as the receiver. And what's really interesting about it is that it allows you to touch source, to feel God Gaia, uh, whatever you wanna call it. it's equally a spiritual practice as much as it's a pleasure practice. And one of the paths, one of the most beautiful paths to palpably. Feeling our conscious connection to all that is alive and has been, is through this expanded orgasm practice, and I can remember. Talking to, it's written by and created by Dr. Patty Taylor. She is, I have been very, I believe in lineages and I have been very, very fortunate to sit at the feet of some incredible people and published their work. So I've published 44 books and programs. I've only written 34 of them. I have 10 programs that are the lineage of my teachers and expand her. Orgasm. Tonight is the most beautiful practice. I still do it a couple of times a week with my husband, and it is often for us, the beginning of our love making because it allows me to calm, get out of the flight and fright, get into my heart connection, connect deeply with my partner, and move into my pleasure and awaken myoni for more. And I have really learned that a non-negotiable for me is to be easy on myself around my arousal response because like every woman listening to this, it's, there's no way to, to make a. Your turn on go faster than about 20 minutes. That's what it takes for the blood to seep in for you to calm down, relax, and begin the heavy lifting of the first couple of steps of the female arousal ladder. And when your husband begins to understand that putting the time and upfront is what's gonna create that wild, passionate tigress in the bedroom who finally has broken open. She's activated her G-spot, she's releasing her feminine water, she's having expanded orgasm dates, she's loving oral pleasuring, she's having multiple orgasms from intercourse. She's scheduling dates with you because she loves it now and she's going through this massive sexual renaissance For me, the beginning of all of that was the expanded orgasm practice, and it comes with 21 erotic play dates that you can do with your partner. When you think about the practice of expanded orgasm, it you, it has a lot of facets. It's a gem, a many faceted gem, and each one of the 21 practices is a facet of your experience to create this incredible experience together. And it's, it's almost like you, you're doing like a little mini couples workshop. Each time you try, one of the practices, one of the erotic play dates, the sandbox dates, they're called in the program. And it's one of those things where if you've been listening to this show and you're thinking to yourself, oh gosh, I, I don't even know where to start. I, I would start Yoni massage and I would start with the expanded orgasm practice and they work together. You can do the yoni massage and then he can start doing the stroking technique. it's three opening strokes, a bread and butter stroke, and a closing stroke. Very easy to learn, but it takes five to seven times before you feel like you're beginning to feel each other enough to, for him to be not only find that spot in the moment, that is what's gonna really feel good to you. 'cause it moves around. But it also lets him take you on the ride. Once he locks in and he's got you, you just surrender and ride his ride. He's taking you on the ride. it's just really an incredible practice for feeling more comfortable with each other, slowing down, dropping in heart, connecting, all of those things. And so it's just been such a lovely time to talk to you today. And I don't normally do this because it's extra work. I'm gonna get a bunch of emails that I have to give to my team to get you access and all that stuff. And. But I wanna do it. send me an email, susan@betterlover.com. And my team, will give you access to that program to expand her orgasm tonight. And if you want to check it out, it's at expand her orgasm tonight.com. start with the three free pleasure reports that are on the page, you can just opt right in and start reading What is Expanded Orgasm Touch for Rapture and the Power of Peaking. And that'll get you started. And if you like what you're reading and it sounds like something you want, then I'll just give it to you.

Mary Lee: 58:56

That's right. Yeah. Those who want it will

Susan Bratton: 58:59

Mm-hmm. Yeah,

Mary Lee: 59:00

important to them. And this is a very important topic and I am so delighted I was, we were able to connect and I could share your wisdom the science, the spirituality, that's exactly what I'm all about.

Susan Bratton: 59:13

I know we're really a good fit. We're we, we vibe Mary Lee.

Mary Lee: 59:17

you have to come on up to Canada and Take your business, expand out here

Susan Bratton: 59:23

Oh, you're so sweet. Oh, I love that. Thank you so much.

Mary Lee: 59:27

Thank you, Susan. I'll get those links in the show notes. It's been

Susan Bratton: 59:30

Yeah.

Mary Lee: 59:31

absolute pleasure

Susan Bratton: 59:33

Thank you. it has. Thank you.

Mary Lee: 59:35

Wow, I don't even know where to begin. Best sex talk ever on so many levels. From the physical aspects of our bodies and the structure of our own vulva and its connection to the brain, to the spiritual awakening that we can achieve by tapping into our pleasure centers. Like just wow. This conversation with sex educator, author, and intimacy expert. Susan Bratton has probably left you with some profound insights into the complexities of female sexuality And all I have to say was that Susan cleverly magically descriptively, honestly in boldly illuminated the crucial role of the female orgasm. Not just as a source of pleasure, but also as a catalyst for increased serotonin levels and its benefits for several health markers, but also was able to educate us wisely that sexual enjoyment is not just an indulgence, it's an essential aspect of mental and physical wellness. We explored the intricacies of libido, uncovering the fact that sexual desire is often much more than just hormonal imbalances, such as low testosterone. It can reflect deeper issues, particularly in women experiencing menopause, and this is often intertwined with hidden beliefs about sex. Past traumas and feelings of shame or body image concerns, it is vital to recognize that these factors can significantly impact mental health and overall quality of life. If you're grappling with sexual dysfunction or low libido, seeking insight from a therapist can be transformative. Unpacking these underlying issues can pave way for healing and improved self-worth, ultimately enhancing your mental and physical health. As well as emotional and spiritual. Remember, prioritizing intimacy and understanding your own bodies can lead to a more fulfilling life. I encourage you to reflect on Susan's insights and consider how they might be resonating in your own menopause journey. I have left a number of links in the show notes. For access to Susan's work, her books, her free offerings, so be sure to take advantage of her generosity, to use these resources that she has personally crafted. She can help us seek, feel, and achieve pleasure in the manner we deserve as women. You can find susan@susanbratton.com. She's on Facebook as the trusted hot sex advisor to millions. Her Instagram handle is Susan Bratton You can find her YouTube channel, better Lover the resources she's offered. To listeners include 38 Fascinating Facts that Supercharge Your Sex Drive. You can find that at hot to trot book.com and a free workbook revealing how expanded orgasm can improve your love life. You can find that at expand to orgasm tonight.com. all those links will be in the show notes. If today's insights resonated with you, I'd love for you to be part of our growing community of menopause disruptors. Hit that subscribe button wherever you're listening right now. And if you know someone who can benefit from these conversations, please share this episode. Sometimes a simple act of sharing can be the first step in someone's healing journey. And hey, if you're ready to take the next step in your menopause journey, I'm here to support you. You can find all my services. Including my comprehensive Menopause Intelligence digital course, one-on-one coaching programs and workplace education services@mlcoaching.com. I wanna stay connected and get regular doses of menopause wisdom. Follow me in Instagram at Menopause Disruptor Podcast, where I share tips, insights, and real conversations about navigating this transformative phase of life. Let's continue to disrupt this menopause conversation together. Remember, midlife should be the best life and it will be namaste.