Unmasked Leadership: Breaking Down Barriers to Authentic Leadership with Dr. Jen Blossom (Part 1)

In this episode, Kara chats with Dr. Jen Blossom about the power of unmasked leadership. Dr. Jen, founder of Blossom Leadership, shares her personal experiences with perfectionism and anxiety and how she embraced vulnerability to help her unmask her true self. 

Jen breaks down what it means to be an unmasked leader, highlighting the role of authenticity in your unmasking journey. She shares common masks that leaders often wear including perfectionism and imposter syndrome, detailing how these can manifest in both our personal and professional lives.

In this episode, you’ll learn actionable strategies to help yourself unmask such as journaling, mindfulness, and compassion to hold yourself accountable to these practices. Jen also notes that these strategies are not a one time action, but require continual practice. 

She also emphasises the importance of building genuine relationships not only with ourselves, but also with our teams. This authenticity is key in fostering a culture of trust, transparency, and connection. This inspiring episode serves as a guide for leaders looking to lead their team with authenticity, empathy, and purpose. 

Tune in to learn how embracing vulnerability can lead to your personal and professional growth.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction
• 1:12 Unmasking Leadership with Dr. Jennifer Blossom
• 2:54 From Perfectionism to Unmasked Leadership
• 10:51 The Power of Authenticity in Leadership
• 19:57 Implementing Unmasked Leadership: Practical Steps
• 31:20 Maintaining Authentic Leadership
• 35:40 Wrapping Up Part One

Transcript

00:00:00.550 [Music]
00:00:14.000 welcome to the gateless podcast I'm
00:00:15.719 really glad that you're here I'm your
00:00:17.320 host Kara Kayrouz this is where you'll find
00:00:20.279 conversations with self-made women who
00:00:22.840 share their playbooks their tips their
00:00:25.800 actual experiences on the journey to
00:00:28.160 success I also chat with experts and
00:00:31.000 practitioners of mindset stress
00:00:33.520 productivity emotional and mental health
00:00:36.160 because if you're listening to this
00:00:38.040 you're somebody that bets boldly on
00:00:39.800 yourself and you care about optimizing
00:00:42.520 how you feel perform give back love and
00:00:45.559 just move through the world this podcast
00:00:47.800 is here to help you become the absolute
00:00:49.840 most incredible version of yourself in
00:00:51.920 life and in business be sure to
00:00:54.960 subscribe to the podcast so you never
00:00:56.800 miss an episode we really appreciate
00:00:58.680 your feedback and Rev views the only way
00:01:01.359 that we grow right now is from you
00:01:02.920 sharing your favorite episodes with your
00:01:04.959 family and friends on social media so
00:01:07.280 thank you for doing that go do that big
00:01:09.920 cool thing that you've been dreaming
00:01:11.360 about today this episode is part one of
00:01:14.720 two with Dr Jennifer Blossom Jen is the
00:01:18.840 founder of Blossom leadership and in
00:01:21.360 this episode we are talking about
00:01:23.520 unmasked leadership and what it means to
00:01:26.240 be an unmasked leader we talk about the
00:01:30.159 types of ways that people especially
00:01:32.479 women mask themselves in leadership
00:01:35.200 roles such as perfectionism or imposter
00:01:38.119 syndrome and how that comes out in how
00:01:41.159 effective you are as a leader or how
00:01:42.479 ineffective you are as a leader we talk
00:01:44.960 about ways to incorporate authenticity
00:01:47.640 and vulnerability into your leadership
00:01:49.840 style while still being results driven
00:01:52.640 you will hear Jen cover tactical ways to
00:01:55.520 implement these strategies into your
00:01:57.399 work and ways to hold yourself
00:01:59.960 accountable to staying consistent in
00:02:01.840 these unmasked leadership practices
00:02:04.399 listen to this episode if you are a
00:02:07.039 people leader or you want to be a people
00:02:09.199 leader and you want to take your impact
00:02:11.720 really to the next level in a way that
00:02:13.640 feels like you're being true to yourself
00:02:16.080 and being extremely effective and
00:02:19.680 results driven in your style this is
00:02:22.599 also an episode to listen to if you want
00:02:25.959 to curate really authentic and trusting
00:02:30.160 relationships with your team that you
00:02:32.160 lead and leverage that as a superpower
00:02:35.959 to being very high performing as a team
00:02:38.959 and as an individual so with that
00:02:41.680 welcome Dr Jen well I'm so excited to
00:02:44.159 talk to you Jen this topic is very
00:02:46.400 important so meaty there's no way we're
00:02:48.040 going to cover everything in one
00:02:49.120 discussion but thank you so much for
00:02:50.480 your time and for being here I really
00:02:52.000 appreciate it girl thank you could you
00:02:55.599 kick us off with just giving us a little
00:02:57.519 bit of background on what you're doing
00:02:59.640 now now and how you got started in this
00:03:01.680 field in general yeah I'm just so pumped
00:03:04.360 to be here I know car we had met earlier
00:03:06.920 and we're talking about this topic and
00:03:08.920 how needed it is so a cliff note version
00:03:12.519 was born and raised in Alaska and did
00:03:15.200 the whole typical grow up go to college
00:03:17.760 go to grad school blah blah blah all of
00:03:19.640 that and in that really found myself
00:03:21.480 caught in this season of perfectionism
00:03:24.720 and people pleasing and trying to earn
00:03:27.280 my worth and earn my value which I had
00:03:29.159 learned now as an adult those coping
00:03:32.000 strategies as a child but you know like
00:03:34.879 we all learned stuff as kids and don't
00:03:36.080 realize it and anyways those habit
00:03:38.480 served me great until they didn't and so
00:03:40.000 it kind of bit me in the butt when I was
00:03:41.640 in my latter years of college and grad
00:03:44.239 school where I started to really dive in
00:03:46.280 and experience anxiety disorders and
00:03:48.439 panic disorders and just shoved them
00:03:50.840 didn't pay attention to them because I
00:03:52.480 was in this season of trying to get
00:03:54.360 through trying to hammer out trying to
00:03:55.720 be this High achiever and then got into
00:03:57.760 the healthc care where then I was seen
00:04:00.560 as this individual who was the helper
00:04:02.239 who was the Healer who was the medical
00:04:04.200 professional medical expert how can I
00:04:05.959 have all of these struggles internally
00:04:08.079 when I'm supposed to be the one who has
00:04:09.239 it all together so then it started this
00:04:10.760 ripple effect of never addressing the
00:04:13.040 rot and just shoving and shoving and
00:04:15.079 shoving and later learning that I was
00:04:16.478 masking and masking and masking long
00:04:18.798 story short ended up having a pretty
00:04:20.918 significant breakdown when we had moved
00:04:23.040 to Washington State we have been here
00:04:25.840 for gosh going on three and a half three
00:04:28.000 and a half years and when we move moved
00:04:30.360 we intentionally moved and intentionally
00:04:32.199 moved to seek out growth and Community
00:04:35.919 all of the things that I mean it's very
00:04:37.320 very intentional move but in that we had
00:04:39.840 lost everything we knew our jobs our
00:04:42.919 family and support system we knew nobody
00:04:45.759 when we moved out here which was
00:04:47.400 intentional that way however it felt
00:04:49.000 like we were building on just rocky soil
00:04:51.520 quick stand trying to figure things out
00:04:54.360 and had all these changes in life as
00:04:56.479 well happening in that time I had built
00:04:58.479 an online company built on motherhood
00:05:01.320 and totally rolled the the wave of
00:05:03.680 courses and Evergreen funnels and the
00:05:05.840 whole thing and decided when I'm move to
00:05:07.440 Washington I wasn't feeling that anymore
00:05:09.039 it wasn't aligned and wanted to move
00:05:10.720 more towards inperson events so we had
00:05:12.400 all these you know changes shutting that
00:05:14.039 down and all the things anyways moving
00:05:17.000 here had this really intense panic
00:05:18.680 attack that broke me broke me down to my
00:05:21.120 core I was on a run it was like 628 to
00:05:23.800 the exact in the morning and I heard all
00:05:26.759 of these really loud noises like boom
00:05:28.280 boom boom boom boom and I couldn't tell
00:05:29.880 if they were gunshots if they were like
00:05:33.000 Metal Sheets clinging together I I
00:05:35.319 didn't know what it was but there was
00:05:37.520 nothing around me and in that moment I
00:05:41.360 had all this pain in my heart and I saw
00:05:43.400 this like vision of not being able to
00:05:45.160 reach my sons and my husband and it was
00:05:48.360 literally all of those things within two
00:05:50.360 seconds and I was in our neighborhood
00:05:52.319 and I couldn't figure out how to get
00:05:53.479 back home so it was just like such this
00:05:56.120 outof body dissociation
00:05:58.639 experience of my brain literally being
00:06:01.360 like hey red flags everywhere what's
00:06:03.400 happening is not working and so in that
00:06:05.520 I didn't tell anybody I suffered for two
00:06:07.319 years with that silently didn't tell a
00:06:09.199 single soul because I was a I was so
00:06:11.160 scared of it B I was so embarrassed and
00:06:13.759 ashamed by it and c I was like what the
00:06:15.880 freak is this I don't know what to do
00:06:17.319 with that experience and so in that
00:06:20.080 found myself stuffing and masking even
00:06:22.440 more until I was like I can't do this
00:06:24.840 anymore and had to seek out help for it
00:06:26.720 and and realize that oh my gosh for 10
00:06:29.639 15 years all I've been doing is Master
00:06:32.400 I've been running from myself I've been
00:06:33.759 running from my feelings been running
00:06:35.120 from all of these things on the inside
00:06:37.199 but on the outside we've never been more
00:06:39.280 successful on paper I mean building
00:06:40.759 multiple six ziger businesses and you
00:06:43.199 would look at all the things that we had
00:06:45.759 externally and it's like this is the
00:06:47.120 allamerican family and it was a lie and
00:06:50.199 so that's what started my passion for
00:06:53.759 creating this new company Blossom
00:06:56.240 leadership we are all about mental and
00:06:58.319 emotional well-being for high Achievers
00:07:00.000 for high performers specifically in that
00:07:02.120 unmasking era where we can sit down and
00:07:05.360 have the real conversations and have the
00:07:07.039 raw trainings and have the tools to help
00:07:09.240 high Achievers realize hey this is how
00:07:11.560 we're masking as high Achievers we've
00:07:13.240 never been taught this here's how you
00:07:14.919 pull back those layers connect with who
00:07:16.520 you truly are and begin to let go of all
00:07:19.160 that other craft that's not serving you
00:07:20.720 and really step into your power your
00:07:22.879 alignment your freedom it's true inner
00:07:25.319 freedom and in that has just been
00:07:27.440 absolutely life-changing and I think
00:07:28.919 it's funny how we exp not funny but it's
00:07:31.520 it's incredible how we experiences these
00:07:33.840 moments in life of our true breakdowns
00:07:35.840 that can be a catalyst for a true
00:07:38.360 Revolution and true change in in
00:07:40.800 others before I'm so excited to talk
00:07:43.240 more about unmasked leadership and what
00:07:45.800 that means and how it happens in
00:07:49.560 probably most of our lives today but
00:07:51.319 before we dig into it what you were just
00:07:53.120 describing was like a moment of
00:07:55.560 overwhelm total disorientation like
00:07:58.240 panic attack all of these being at the
00:08:00.840 peak of success on paper but feeling so
00:08:04.639 dissociated with that and not your inner
00:08:07.919 happiness not feeling aligned with the
00:08:09.879 success that you were having but you
00:08:11.520 mentioned that you were feeling you
00:08:13.800 didn't tell anybody about that moment
00:08:15.159 for a while and you felt embarrassed by
00:08:17.639 it and you basically ran from it do you
00:08:19.879 have words for what exactly you felt
00:08:22.599 embarrassed by like in hindsight
00:08:25.080 thinking about it was it like oh I
00:08:27.479 should be grateful but I'm not and I'm
00:08:29.879 really unhappy or like what exactly was
00:08:31.479 it that you felt as you couldn't be
00:08:33.080 honest about I was so embarrassed of the
00:08:38.200 emotional out of control that happened
00:08:41.839 the out of control in that Split Second
00:08:44.399 that my mind felt and then I felt like I
00:08:47.279 had zero control of that moment zero
00:08:49.800 control of these loud noises that I
00:08:51.839 heard zero control of not being able to
00:08:54.519 reach this vision of I mean my my two
00:08:57.560 sons and my husband were behind this
00:08:58.880 plexiglass and I couldn't get to them
00:09:00.720 and I was so embarrassed by what felt
00:09:03.040 like I mean it wasn't a psychotic
00:09:04.720 breakdown but it felt like it and it was
00:09:07.000 was a two seconds it was literally maybe
00:09:09.160 two seconds so I was I was embarrassed
00:09:11.480 of the event that happened and I didn't
00:09:13.279 know how to tell people about it and so
00:09:15.680 I kept it all
00:09:16.880 inside it's so interesting I mean like
00:09:19.440 perspective is everything and like where
00:09:20.800 you are in your life when things like
00:09:21.920 this happen to you is also everything as
00:09:23.800 you're describing that like I've
00:09:25.040 definitely had a similar moment which
00:09:27.279 led to me making a pretty big change in
00:09:28.760 my life as well but I think on the other
00:09:31.880 side of a lot of work maybe if something
00:09:34.399 like that happened to me now I would be
00:09:35.640 like oh is this like a spiritual
00:09:37.760 awakening is this like I I feel like be
00:09:41.480 you mentioned the word I was embarrassed
00:09:43.200 by how out of control I felt and I could
00:09:45.360 so relate to being embarrassed in
00:09:48.279 moments of feeling out of control but I
00:09:49.920 think that's only because in that
00:09:51.720 wherever my heads space was in that
00:09:53.079 moment was because all of my selfworth
00:09:54.760 was wrapped up in the fact that I had my
00:09:56.320 [ __ ] together and I was in control and
00:09:58.360 all this stuff you know and if you could
00:10:00.480 get on the other side of that sometimes
00:10:01.959 these experiences that are supposed to
00:10:03.640 be meaningful and are supposed to wake
00:10:04.920 you up in some way I suppose what I'm
00:10:06.519 trying to get at is it was probably
00:10:07.680 embarrassing to you because you put a
00:10:10.079 lot of self worth in totally feeling and
00:10:12.399 control and all of those things and as
00:10:14.600 soon as we let go of that and we could
00:10:16.040 be authentic and vulnerable about we're
00:10:17.800 never in control we're never in control
00:10:20.240 yeah it feels different right totally
00:10:22.920 you are so spot on with that it is it it
00:10:25.440 was like this wrestle with pride of yeah
00:10:28.800 this self worth that was the image of
00:10:32.120 the Jenny that was perfect which is such
00:10:35.120 a fake lie that is supposed to have it
00:10:38.040 all together that is supposed to be this
00:10:40.360 Leading Light force and how dare I have
00:10:44.279 a two seconds where I couldn't live up
00:10:46.240 to My Own Prison of that image and
00:10:49.320 that's what it was and this like digging
00:10:53.560 into that experience for you I feel like
00:10:55.040 is such a good segue to talking about
00:10:56.680 what unmasked leadership even is because
00:10:59.360 is if we're in positions in our life of
00:11:02.680 leading people and I don't care if
00:11:04.160 that's like in a traditional sense of
00:11:05.839 you are in a leadership role at a
00:11:07.480 company or you're an entrepreneur and
00:11:08.839 you have a team under you or you're just
00:11:10.880 a person in life that is an example for
00:11:13.040 anyone around you I feel like to be
00:11:17.200 self-aware enough to lead with
00:11:21.120 vulnerability authenticity and truly
00:11:24.120 understand to the core that nobody's
00:11:25.360 actually in control and there's zero
00:11:26.720 value in putting on a facade of
00:11:28.160 perfection or of this idealistic version
00:11:31.519 of oneself and that's not an effective
00:11:33.240 way to lead the better leader you become
00:11:35.440 as soon as you realize those things so I
00:11:37.279 would love to hear a little bit more
00:11:38.880 from you on like truly what unmasked
00:11:41.320 leadership is and when you became
00:11:43.760 interested in that topic and how you
00:11:46.040 started studying it and understanding it
00:11:47.880 and all of that yeah such a good
00:11:51.279 question it's honestly
00:11:53.240 from that I would call like you said
00:11:55.720 that Spiritual Awakening and it didn't
00:11:57.560 happen overnight it was this realization
00:12:00.399 of who am I and I put on all of these
00:12:03.680 masks to try to prove to the world that
00:12:06.399 I was somebody else but I wasn't being
00:12:08.639 truthful to myself and the sad part is I
00:12:11.079 didn't even realize that I didn't
00:12:12.519 realize that I was had this huge lie to
00:12:15.079 myself of who I was and so that's what
00:12:18.120 really led me to This
00:12:20.600 unmasking research and figuring out what
00:12:24.680 happens for us especially who are in
00:12:26.720 these roles where we're leading others
00:12:28.279 and like you said this can be in
00:12:29.560 corporate this can be in
00:12:31.600 entrepreneurship this can be at home
00:12:33.560 like we all have leadership positions in
00:12:36.839 our lives and if we're not connected to
00:12:39.399 who we are at our root we're not living
00:12:43.199 in alignment and and to our fullest
00:12:45.680 potential and I think that sounds very
00:12:47.880 fluffy I think that can sound very like
00:12:50.360 affirmation but when we really pull back
00:12:52.720 those layers it's true emotional freedom
00:12:55.959 and when we are walking in Freedom in
00:12:57.800 light every single and truly overflowing
00:13:01.040 in that and that's not a a prescription
00:13:03.079 that we're never going to have problems
00:13:04.639 or we're never going to have issues in
00:13:06.600 life it is not like an escape card for
00:13:08.519 hard trials but it's the the empowerment
00:13:11.320 of knowing how to walk through those
00:13:13.160 trials with the tools so if something
00:13:15.519 like this ever happens again which God
00:13:17.600 willing we have the awareness now to
00:13:19.680 have the proactive strategies in place
00:13:21.959 where we can be centered and grounded
00:13:24.240 not in control let that control go but
00:13:26.920 have the discipline in place we know how
00:13:28.920 to walk through it we know how to come
00:13:30.920 back to the present and so truly being
00:13:33.480 unmasked is taking off all the layers
00:13:37.399 that are no longer serving you that are
00:13:38.920 holding you back that are causing you
00:13:41.120 pain that are causing you to run from
00:13:42.760 yourself that are causing you blocks
00:13:45.240 from stepping into that next version
00:13:47.040 that next level and it's experiencing
00:13:49.399 and creating the inner freedom and the
00:13:51.320 inner peace that we are all longing for
00:13:55.079 and that connection when we can find
00:13:56.920 that it changes your world and then from
00:13:59.839 there changes the world around you at
00:14:02.240 home in your workplace and the community
00:14:04.639 and it's this true ripple effect that
00:14:07.240 makes sense to me what are ways that
00:14:10.160 people do mask themselves in a
00:14:12.720 traditional or non-traditional
00:14:14.440 leadership role maybe let's just talk
00:14:15.800 about traditional like what are some
00:14:16.920 examples or ways that a leader might
00:14:18.600 Mass themselves out of fear or
00:14:21.120 insecurity or whatever it is yeah no
00:14:23.279 this is so good this is actually one of
00:14:25.600 the one of the routes I shared at the
00:14:27.440 keynote last month actually had shared
00:14:29.480 my own masks so the first is the
00:14:32.040 perfectionist mask so we put on this
00:14:34.000 perfectionist mask that everything is
00:14:36.440 perfect we're all good it's this really
00:14:39.839 hard almost like this plastic front you
00:14:42.600 can think of it as layers of like
00:14:43.800 plastic layers of I'm this rock and
00:14:46.680 everything is good so it's the social
00:14:48.399 media right that looks perfect on the
00:14:50.000 outside curated photos all the things in
00:14:53.120 reality you're like I know what's really
00:14:55.079 going on there and so whether it's that
00:14:58.079 that look on social or it's the
00:15:00.040 interaction in the boardroom or wherever
00:15:02.000 it's like everything's perfect and we're
00:15:03.600 all good that's a huge mass
00:15:06.040 perfectionism but another one could be
00:15:07.360 imposter syndrome thinking that we're
00:15:08.880 not good enough thinking that we're not
00:15:10.240 worthy enough thinking that we don't
00:15:11.839 deserve this and it could be a promotion
00:15:14.320 it could be a different career it could
00:15:16.680 be true like goodness and freedom and we
00:15:19.480 develop those self-sabotaging bit habits
00:15:21.440 so impostor syndrome is huge it could be
00:15:25.040 like the happiness mask of like I'm
00:15:27.199 always happy and I never feel anything
00:15:30.880 sad I never feel any shame I never feel
00:15:32.959 any guilt I never feel any pain like I'm
00:15:35.160 happy we're all good and those three
00:15:37.519 were like huge for me so those I mean we
00:15:39.319 could go on and on on for different
00:15:40.399 masks and different ideas but those are
00:15:41.839 the three that I see a lot of women
00:15:43.440 struggle with over and over and over
00:15:45.440 again in multiple fields and multiple
00:15:47.759 stages in life and we're doing why are
00:15:51.120 we doing this protection we're doing to
00:15:53.680 protect ourselves we and it's like it's
00:15:56.079 cool because it's like our brain's
00:15:57.360 natural way to put this layer up and
00:15:59.519 this buffer to make sure we're safe on
00:16:01.160 the inside but in reality we're not
00:16:03.160 facing our true self and it's there's
00:16:06.160 pain underneath that mask and so if we
00:16:08.319 can figure out why we're masking and
00:16:10.399 what's at the root of it we're going to
00:16:12.279 unlock that freedom but we're trying to
00:16:13.720 block oursel from some kind of pain or
00:16:16.560 insecurity or experience or these false
00:16:21.199 lies or false narratives or false
00:16:23.120 beliefs that we have developed that
00:16:24.880 we've caught from culture that have been
00:16:26.560 passed down from Generations or or
00:16:29.279 people have spoken over it and we've
00:16:30.880 never dealt with them so they've just
00:16:33.079 manifested in snowballed in different
00:16:34.639 ways and now it's this big hard Mas that
00:16:37.319 nine times out of the 10 most people
00:16:39.279 don't even know that they're wearing
00:16:40.480 because we've developed this coping
00:16:41.800 strategy around it yeah yeah yeah yeah
00:16:44.759 oh gosh I've done this so many times
00:16:47.319 myself and I've witnessed other people
00:16:48.600 doing this so many times what so why is
00:16:52.600 masking the reality of who you are or
00:16:55.560 masking vulnerability and authenticity
00:16:57.639 when in a position of leadership
00:17:00.120 ineffective cuz you're not you're not
00:17:02.160 true and and I think you're not true to
00:17:04.480 yourself I mean you can get by with it
00:17:06.880 Mo like it's it's very functional it's
00:17:09.039 very functional you can get by with it
00:17:11.319 but it's not effective because you're
00:17:14.079 not being true to you so then it affects
00:17:16.199 your trust it with yourself other people
00:17:18.839 it affects your connection it affects
00:17:20.760 communication it it affects so many
00:17:23.359 things that if you're able to unlock it
00:17:26.559 you can go so much deeper
00:17:29.440 and higher and I always prace that like
00:17:32.080 one of my goals for this year has been
00:17:33.520 to go deeper and not necessarily higher
00:17:35.840 and typically what I have found that
00:17:37.160 when you're able to go deeper you go
00:17:39.120 higher as well and so when we are
00:17:42.440 masking we are not connecting to who Our
00:17:45.720 Truth is and in that moment it just
00:17:48.880 blocks what we can do what we can create
00:17:51.760 how we can expand it's very much this
00:17:53.760 constrictive element and I think that
00:17:56.480 that is where so many of us get caught
00:17:58.360 in this trap it's like well I'm still
00:18:00.520 doing good and and we can per perform
00:18:02.919 like a here really well when we mask but
00:18:06.559 we're also in this constrictive
00:18:08.400 environment and we're not tapping into
00:18:10.280 our fullest potential both externally
00:18:12.280 and internally that's this internal
00:18:14.360 struggle is like you can do all the
00:18:16.440 things great and Well on paper but until
00:18:18.919 you learn how to unmask there's going to
00:18:21.000 be this disconnect and nobody may even
00:18:23.159 know like you're very functional but
00:18:25.600 there's true freedom and expansion when
00:18:28.080 you can connect the two and that's where
00:18:30.440 we need to have these conversations yeah
00:18:33.120 yeah absolutely so when I like when I
00:18:36.400 think about the times that I've done
00:18:37.960 this in my career it's because I didn't
00:18:40.799 have the confidence that if I led in an
00:18:45.679 unmasked way I would also still be able
00:18:48.720 to execute as a results driven leader it
00:18:53.200 felt like okay I have to be one certain
00:18:56.799 way to drive the productivity results
00:19:00.440 outcomes as like a shareholder of a
00:19:02.600 business that I'm leading or running
00:19:04.280 right and there's not much room to also
00:19:08.320 be vulnerable or super open or let
00:19:11.400 people see authentically me during those
00:19:14.080 scenarios and I could absolutely in high
00:19:16.520 and sight say that was because of you
00:19:19.520 know I didn't have the confidence maybe
00:19:20.799 that I have now or I didn't realize that
00:19:23.440 people aren't just looking to be led by
00:19:26.880 somebody that is Sur level that they
00:19:29.520 can't truly relate to and in fact you
00:19:32.280 work harder you stay longer at a job you
00:19:35.360 are a lot more comprehensively invested
00:19:38.919 when you feel like you you do know your
00:19:40.440 leader and you feel like your leader
00:19:41.640 sees you as a whole person you feel like
00:19:43.559 your leader is a whole person too so I
00:19:46.280 could totally inh highight understand
00:19:48.000 why I've not done it well in the past
00:19:50.320 but for somebody that's thinking about
00:19:53.000 okay I am in a role of leadership or
00:19:54.919 just a role model to people in my life
00:19:57.240 how can they TCT
00:19:59.159 start trying to implement this unmasked
00:20:01.520 leadership style in what they're doing
00:20:04.080 and maybe it's like step byep or maybe
00:20:06.159 it's like a slow process or I don't know
00:20:07.880 I'm very curious what's the Playbook
00:20:10.840 it's so easy for us to ask okay how do
00:20:13.120 we do this but the reality is it's not
00:20:15.880 it's not just from a podcast right it's
00:20:17.919 being able to hear these seeds and let
00:20:20.520 them sink into your soul and then
00:20:23.240 showing up and doing the work every
00:20:25.159 single day so I think a really good
00:20:27.440 place to start for this for us is to
00:20:29.960 understand that we mask because we're
00:20:32.679 afraid to be vulnerable we're afraid to
00:20:35.039 be perceived as weak as someone who does
00:20:38.720 have like credibility we don't want to
00:20:40.720 have this pressure to to be ourselves
00:20:44.080 because we have this pressure to conform
00:20:45.960 to the Norms or stereotypes of what a
00:20:48.600 leader should be or we have this true
00:20:51.240 desire to control outcomes to control
00:20:53.200 our teams to control all of these things
00:20:54.960 in the workplace or home or wherever you
00:20:58.120 have your leader ership role and the
00:21:00.320 reality is that when we are able to
00:21:02.400 embrace authenticity while remaining
00:21:05.360 results driven that is where the magic
00:21:08.760 happens so when I was thinking about
00:21:10.720 this like okay what where have I been
00:21:12.760 able to implement this I I came up with
00:21:14.559 three really rock solid ways that I've
00:21:17.159 been able to implement authenticity and
00:21:20.360 unmasking while remaining results driven
00:21:23.880 because that is that's key right for us
00:21:26.200 because we want to see our our results
00:21:28.240 so the first is we got to lead by
00:21:30.760 example so we can demonstrate As Leaders
00:21:33.799 true authenticity when we are true to
00:21:36.320 our values when we're true to our
00:21:38.799 principles when we're true to our vision
00:21:41.960 while we still set high standards and
00:21:44.400 expectations for performance for results
00:21:47.440 and oftentimes we can lead to too much
00:21:49.840 of the focus on performance and results
00:21:52.679 and in that we we Veer away from our
00:21:54.880 values our principles our true north and
00:21:58.919 that's what happened to me it it was
00:22:00.720 just these little micro decisions every
00:22:02.919 single day that slowly led me away from
00:22:06.120 who I was at my core until I woke up and
00:22:08.919 realized who am I and where what
00:22:11.360 decisions am I making like these are not
00:22:13.159 in alignment with me and then I was like
00:22:14.480 how do I care and so it's just this it's
00:22:18.159 this subtle sneaky shift that will take
00:22:20.840 you off of your course and that's why
00:22:23.960 it's so important every single day that
00:22:25.559 we renew and we refocus we RECenter
00:22:28.520 every single day in our values
00:22:29.840 principles beliefs and vision and we
00:22:31.799 know that so we can lead by example and
00:22:34.159 be anchored in that true confidence the
00:22:36.200 second is when we focus on transparency
00:22:38.679 so this is huge for being able to
00:22:40.640 communicate openly with team members
00:22:43.559 whether your teams at home or whether
00:22:45.559 your teams at work or your teams in your
00:22:48.320 business or wherever you see that team
00:22:51.360 about challenges about progress about
00:22:54.520 the goals and and in that is able to
00:22:57.440 Foster trust it's able to Foster
00:22:59.840 accountability it's able to Foster this
00:23:01.880 true alignment of authenticity with that
00:23:05.360 results driven approach and so when you
00:23:07.320 can get essentially everybody on the
00:23:09.000 same playing field and communicating in
00:23:11.600 the the same Arena that transparency is
00:23:15.600 going to mitigate the breakdown of
00:23:17.559 communication which is such a
00:23:19.440 Cornerstone and Catalyst for so many of
00:23:22.120 the problems that teams can face and
00:23:25.960 then lastly number three it is
00:23:27.799 encouraging growth and development so
00:23:29.840 this is where we are stepping into our
00:23:32.640 role as authentic leaders we're able to
00:23:35.039 prioritize growth for ourselves which
00:23:37.799 again is anchored and leading by example
00:23:40.200 and the development of our team our team
00:23:43.000 members so whether that team is on the
00:23:44.640 whole ront whether that team is at work
00:23:47.360 in your business however you see teams
00:23:51.080 that ability for you to prioritize the
00:23:54.159 growth and the development of your team
00:23:55.919 is going to be huge because in that
00:23:58.159 we're able to recognize that fostering
00:24:00.960 this supportive and truly empowering
00:24:03.200 environment it's going to lead to better
00:24:04.679 results so those three things that we
00:24:06.799 can do today as Leaders like practical
00:24:09.360 mey steps that you can take forward
00:24:11.600 number one lead by example and that
00:24:13.960 comes by knowing who you are and
00:24:16.440 reentering and refocusing on that every
00:24:18.880 single day number two focusing on
00:24:21.320 transparency with yourself and with your
00:24:23.360 team and then number three encouraging
00:24:25.480 that growth and development and those
00:24:27.679 three things are very practical ways
00:24:30.320 that we can start with implementing
00:24:33.080 unmasked principles those are amazing I
00:24:36.399 I love those I wrote notes down so that
00:24:38.320 I can yes let them into my day as well
00:24:41.799 so this topic is not specific to men or
00:24:47.200 women necessarily like all leaders
00:24:49.360 should be thinking this way but there
00:24:53.120 you know like anything I think there's
00:24:54.679 different approaches that men and women
00:24:56.640 have to take to the same type of concept
00:24:58.640 and so I'm wondering how does this look
00:25:01.120 different and why does a woman maybe
00:25:03.960 need to take a different approach to
00:25:05.200 this if that's the belief yeah than the
00:25:07.480 way that a man can lead and that
00:25:09.640 question is coming from a place of like
00:25:11.600 I'm all in on this and I saw a total
00:25:14.200 change and the way that my teams
00:25:16.679 responded to me and the way that I felt
00:25:18.799 in leadership roles and the results that
00:25:21.600 I was driving when I started to be
00:25:24.159 authentic and transparent and a whole
00:25:26.039 person and see my team as whole people
00:25:27.640 and all of those things
00:25:28.840 but I think where I still got in my head
00:25:30.880 and tripped up and insecure again was
00:25:32.679 what I realized that most of the men
00:25:34.000 around me that were my counterparts or
00:25:35.640 were more senior that I weren't taking
00:25:38.120 that same approach and so not that that
00:25:40.880 prevented me from keeping like I I'm GNA
00:25:43.480 just keep on keeping on but it's not
00:25:45.320 always as I I guess what I'm trying to
00:25:47.880 say is I don't know that there's that
00:25:49.039 many men that are thinking this way no
00:25:51.320 because it's not natural for us or women
00:25:53.799 but I'm curious Cara when you started to
00:25:56.640 show up with more authenticity what was
00:25:59.080 the effect or the response from your
00:26:00.720 team so I'm sure you weren't like hey
00:26:02.440 guys I'm TR up more authentic today like
00:26:04.039 it was more just like your inner
00:26:05.840 awareness and then those actions so what
00:26:07.840 did you see as a result from that I just
00:26:11.039 saw them trusting me more and with the
00:26:15.000 trust came more sharing with me like
00:26:19.000 what they needed help with what they
00:26:21.520 weren't feeling good about what they
00:26:23.399 felt great about and I could just leave
00:26:24.679 them alone it was like a trust thing
00:26:26.840 initially and I think with trust
00:26:29.000 turns into a lot more productive and
00:26:30.919 effective and results driven
00:26:32.080 relationships that you have so it was a
00:26:34.960 level of trust that I did not have
00:26:36.840 before because it's not actually that
00:26:38.960 shocking because nobody knew who I
00:26:40.320 actually was and why would you trust
00:26:42.679 somebody that you don't feel like you
00:26:43.799 actually know yeah that's so good that's
00:26:46.520 such great insight to L back around to
00:26:49.520 your question I think if we look at the
00:26:52.159 similarities first and then we can look
00:26:54.799 at the differences because there's
00:26:55.960 similarities in both and I think that
00:26:57.559 many of here this too so authenticity
00:27:00.720 number one it's Universal so regardless
00:27:03.200 of if you're male or if you're female
00:27:06.200 authenticity in both of these roles it's
00:27:09.120 essential for effective leadership
00:27:11.200 period authenticity is essential for
00:27:13.840 effective leadership and both men and
00:27:16.720 women are going to benefit from being
00:27:18.679 genuine being transparent and being
00:27:21.000 vulnerable in their leadership roles
00:27:23.039 vulnerability does not make you weak
00:27:24.679 vulnerability makes you an incredible
00:27:26.200 leader Berne Brown like her sweet spot
00:27:29.640 is vulnerability shame all of that and I
00:27:32.480 mean she has so much research on the
00:27:34.520 power of that and I think if we are able
00:27:36.279 to draw into more empowerment on being
00:27:39.120 vulnerable not in a sense of like you're
00:27:40.919 airing your dirty laundry and your
00:27:42.279 problems but you're connected to who you
00:27:44.240 are and you're real and you're raw that
00:27:46.919 is power and vulnerability so
00:27:49.960 authenticity Universal for men and women
00:27:53.240 the the second is looking at we're guys
00:27:56.360 and girls like we're both going to face
00:27:58.159 SAR pressures to conform to leadership
00:28:01.320 expectations we're all human and so when
00:28:04.120 we are masking from our true selves
00:28:07.120 typically we're masking from
00:28:08.760 vulnerability rejection fear the need to
00:28:12.039 maintain control and so I think if we're
00:28:14.080 able to break down this barrier of men
00:28:17.159 are tougher than women in this it's like
00:28:18.600 it's not about being tough it's about we
00:28:20.880 need authentic leaders and at the end of
00:28:23.039 the day we're all humans to try to do
00:28:24.440 our best and so that connects us as hum
00:28:28.200 men and also there are some pretty
00:28:30.919 significant differences for those of us
00:28:34.080 in leadership who are women and that
00:28:36.200 first is the gender expectations in us
00:28:38.399 so many women we Face these unique
00:28:41.840 societal I would say expectations and
00:28:44.600 stereotypes when it comes to leadership
00:28:46.559 and often we can navigate this as almost
00:28:49.519 like a a double bind where we are
00:28:52.000 expected to be assertive but not too
00:28:54.240 aggressive because we can be snarky or a
00:28:57.200 b word or whatever it is right so we
00:28:59.039 need to be assertive but we don't want
00:29:00.279 to be this super aggressive woman or we
00:29:02.960 can be confident but not arrogant right
00:29:06.440 or these other stereotypical things
00:29:09.120 where we're supposed to just show up and
00:29:10.559 it's like how can we lead but not be
00:29:13.840 perceived at a certain character or
00:29:15.919 Express authenticity and Leadership when
00:29:17.720 we want to be assertive and we want to
00:29:19.679 be clear and we want to be confident we
00:29:22.120 don't want to be labeled as whatever and
00:29:24.840 I feel like men can get away with being
00:29:26.799 assertive and clear and this and that in
00:29:28.480 these roles and as women begin to rise
00:29:30.679 to this it can label us as being a
00:29:34.080 certain way so that's a difference the
00:29:36.320 the gender expectation of how men and
00:29:38.240 women are supposed to act quotequote act
00:29:40.679 in leadership roles and then the other
00:29:42.480 is looking at biases so women in
00:29:44.640 leadership positions we typically can be
00:29:47.080 subject to bias which can lead to
00:29:48.919 scrutiny which can lead to challenges
00:29:50.600 when we display authenticity so when we
00:29:53.320 are able to navigate biases and
00:29:55.159 understand them carefully we're able to
00:29:57.159 balance authen authenticity with
00:29:59.120 perceptions and competence and
00:30:01.200 likeability and so it's knowing hey what
00:30:04.039 are the similarities that we face as men
00:30:06.720 and women in leadership what are some of
00:30:08.440 the challenges that women face uniquely
00:30:10.799 and how can we understand them right
00:30:13.039 because when we're aware of them we can
00:30:14.679 do our inner work to change them and
00:30:17.320 that has that true ripple effect and how
00:30:19.600 we are showing up and carrying ourselves
00:30:21.840 and also allows us to have more empathy
00:30:24.120 and connection for other people because
00:30:25.919 when we can understand other perspec and
00:30:28.600 perceptions it helps us relate human to
00:30:31.039 human to other people regardless if
00:30:33.519 relating to men or women yeah I I
00:30:35.960 totally agree and if you're following
00:30:37.840 the three ways that you shared with
00:30:40.279 everyone on how to start implementing a
00:30:43.159 unmas leadership style while still being
00:30:44.799 results driven it's hard to be
00:30:46.120 misconstrued like if you're being
00:30:47.799 authentic and vulnerable like it's hard
00:30:49.440 to be misconstrued if you're leading
00:30:51.720 towards growth it's hard to be
00:30:52.640 misconstrued so I think that if you're
00:30:53.799 sticking to the principles of what you
00:30:56.159 said you can navigate through some of
00:30:58.480 the different like gender expectations
00:31:00.320 and leadership in general but say that
00:31:02.919 somebody is all in on like bought into
00:31:06.039 the idea that unmas leadership is
00:31:07.919 actually the most effective way to not
00:31:09.240 only feel like yourself and feel aligned
00:31:11.440 and connected to what you're doing but
00:31:12.799 also be an effective leader and they
00:31:14.840 want to follow the three ways that that
00:31:16.960 you laid out what are ways that they can
00:31:21.120 hold themselves accountable to this like
00:31:23.120 how do you not forget how do you not get
00:31:25.000 because I think that a lot of this in
00:31:26.840 implementing this type of leadership
00:31:28.000 ship style is like unwinding things that
00:31:29.840 are very totally ingrained in you out of
00:31:33.159 protection out of not wanting people to
00:31:35.880 see you as weak or vulnerable or
00:31:37.159 whatever it is and I would imagine like
00:31:39.960 I mean my my desk is full of sticky note
00:31:42.440 reminders when I'm trying to work on
00:31:44.320 something so what is your suggestion of
00:31:47.279 how to hold yourself accountable to
00:31:49.240 sticking with something like this and
00:31:50.559 maybe triggers and reminders for people
00:31:52.399 to yes I totally I love this I think
00:31:56.919 that being able to understand that this
00:32:00.159 is a practice this is a journey it's not
00:32:02.880 just hear a podcast and move forward it
00:32:05.960 is a Daily Commitment to being able to
00:32:09.519 commit to this over and over and over
00:32:11.279 again and so the first is understanding
00:32:14.600 a like umbrella term this is a daily
00:32:16.960 discipline and so having some kind of
00:32:19.240 habit a where you are journaling and you
00:32:22.639 have this time for self-reflection and
00:32:24.720 so whether this is dedicated time like
00:32:27.440 in your journal every morning where
00:32:28.799 you're able to journal about thoughts
00:32:30.399 emotions experiences all these things
00:32:32.159 where you're unwinding basically your
00:32:34.120 brain and you're able to pay attention
00:32:36.200 to reoccurring patterns or triggers or
00:32:38.760 areas of growth or Improvement or just
00:32:40.799 able to work through all the inner Gung
00:32:43.440 that's huge and so taking time every
00:32:45.440 single day to Anchor in to journal to to
00:32:48.639 self-reflect even if it's five minutes
00:32:51.360 just having that connection with
00:32:52.720 yourself every single day is absolutely
00:32:55.880 huge the second way is that we can
00:32:58.080 really begin to incorporate more
00:33:00.039 mindfulness and more compassion
00:33:02.200 practices compassion practices are huge
00:33:04.919 because it's high Achievers we can be
00:33:07.440 drill sergeants to ourselves we have
00:33:10.480 high expectations for ourselves in often
00:33:12.880 times without doing this work we're
00:33:15.120 never good enough for ourselves we're
00:33:16.720 always falling short of our own
00:33:18.960 expectations and we don't take that time
00:33:21.799 to celebrate to track how far we've come
00:33:24.159 because we're always on to the next and
00:33:26.120 so we develop this numbness to life this
00:33:28.440 numbness to ourselves and we're looking
00:33:30.000 for that quick hit of achievement of a
00:33:33.919 mark of whatever it is we're going for
00:33:36.320 we miss out on all this other stuff so
00:33:38.480 when we're able to engage in meditation
00:33:41.559 relaxation techniques to really
00:33:43.360 cultivate this present moment awareness
00:33:46.159 and observe our thoughts and our
00:33:47.880 feelings without the Judgment we can
00:33:50.080 connect to the sensations in our body
00:33:51.960 and our mind and the quality of our
00:33:53.880 breath and the fluctuations of our
00:33:56.200 mental state this is not a pass for
00:33:58.519 getting out of the ups and downs of our
00:34:00.600 mental state throughout the day but it's
00:34:02.440 the awareness of it and developing those
00:34:06.000 self-compassion strategies to know when
00:34:08.960 we had those self-critical thoughts or
00:34:10.960 when we have this self-comparison or
00:34:14.040 whatever it is that we're able to
00:34:16.079 monitor it and really Infuse throughout
00:34:18.320 our mornings and throughout our days
00:34:20.359 more self-awareness self-compassion and
00:34:22.560 mindfulness in that we're going to
00:34:24.280 develop a more positive and resilient
00:34:26.040 mindset and emotional resiliency that
00:34:28.918 really affects your attitude towards
00:34:31.079 yourself over time and so those two
00:34:33.760 things are absolutely huge in being able
00:34:35.719 to move forward and just just simple
00:34:37.960 ways to be able to apply that to our
00:34:40.719 days over and over and over again and I
00:34:42.800 think if you wanted to add one more it
00:34:45.000 would be the power of authentic
00:34:47.199 relationships and taking time to build
00:34:50.000 authentic relationships with others but
00:34:53.199 also the most important relationship is
00:34:55.399 an authentic relationship with yourself
00:34:57.400 and oftentimes we don't have that
00:34:59.440 because we are running so hard and so
00:35:01.359 fast from ourselves so taking time to
00:35:04.040 develop that authentic relationship with
00:35:06.240 you first and then investing in
00:35:08.800 authentic relationships with your teams
00:35:11.680 your families your circle I mean we are
00:35:14.359 missing that connection because our
00:35:16.400 world is so busy our world is so fast
00:35:18.800 and so when we're able to slow that down
00:35:21.000 and offer connection and offer
00:35:23.160 authenticity and bring that pace and
00:35:25.839 that peace it will transform how we show
00:35:29.079 up in the world this is all so helpful
00:35:31.920 and so good the Practical tips I think
00:35:33.880 are what I resonate with the most it's
00:35:35.839 like okay conceptually I understand but
00:35:37.560 how do I do it and how do I hold myself
00:35:38.880 accountable so thank you I feel like
00:35:40.680 this is a great stopping point for part
00:35:42.920 one I feel we just like we tip of the
00:35:45.480 iceberg we just got started of know
00:35:48.079 these conversations that need to be had
00:35:51.520 around leadership I mean it's not we
00:35:54.000 don't talk about it at all and it's a
00:35:57.119 really silent suffer so the fact that
00:36:00.040 you have held space for this
00:36:01.359 conversation thank you carot cuz I think
00:36:03.280 that the more we can have these
00:36:05.160 conversations and break down these walls
00:36:06.880 The Masks will begin to come down come
00:36:08.680 off I agree I totally agree it's a
00:36:11.000 movement it's not like a not a one thing
00:36:13.760 it's a movement for sure it's totally a
00:36:15.160 movement it's a lifestyle yeah thank you
00:36:17.480 for being here I really appreciate it
00:36:19.240 thank you for having me are you somebody
00:36:21.319 that loves to listen to podcast learn
00:36:24.760 and consume knowledge in general but
00:36:26.960 maybe you find the process of picking
00:36:29.200 those episodes that are really value
00:36:30.960 packed and worth your time challenging
00:36:32.920 am I right you're busy I get it if
00:36:35.880 that's the case the pod squad is for you
00:36:38.640 every Tuesday Haley and I are dropping
00:36:40.720 in your inbox the absolute best listens
00:36:43.880 for personal development and business
00:36:45.720 podcasts for the week we will even give
00:36:48.000 you the cliff noos version so that you
00:36:50.240 can still apply the takeaways and
00:36:51.920 consume the knowledge quickly even if
00:36:53.800 you don't have time to listen to them
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00:37:02.760 the link in the show notes and enter
00:37:05.200 your email address and that's all you
00:37:06.520 have to do you will look forward to this
00:37:08.839 every single week and it will just be
00:37:10.520 your listening queue until the following
00:37:12.359 Tuesday I hope you
00:37:14.040 [Music]
00:37:26.520 enjoy