The Illusion of Success: Unpacking Your Childhood Values And Redefining What Success Looks Like with Christine Jewell

This week, Kara sat down with Christine, a holistic health and high performance coach, to chat about the illusion of success. They unpack what it means to be successful, and the journey to becoming successful. They dive into what it can look like when you reach that ‘success’ but it looks different than you expected.

Chrisitne also dives into how we often hold onto the values we learned as children, even if they are no longer serving us. She goes on to discuss the importance of redefining our values and what they mean to us as adults. Christine also breaks down the meaning of integrity and how this shows up not just in our personal lives but in business as well. She also highlights the art of timing, exploring how we can do all the right things but if we do them at the wrong time, it will yield the wrong results.

Kara and Christine deep dive into femininity and feminine energy and how we can use this to redefine what our version of success looks like. They discuss how women often feel the need to be more productive to achieve success; however, women possess incredible abilities as creators, nurturers, and multipliers, and can attain success simply by embracing their feminine energy.

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Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction
• 1:12 Welcome Christine
• 5:35 The Foundation of Success
• 26:59 Unpacking the Illusion of Success
• 29:26 Navigating Inner Conflict in Leadership
• 30:19 Integrity and Values in Business
• 30:45 The Art of Timing
• 33:43 Emotional Intelligence
• 38:59 Exploring Feminine Energy and Leadership
• 48:51 'Drop the Armor'
• 51:58 Book Launch and Final Thoughts
• 54:20 The Pod Squad

Transcript

00:00:00.550 [Music]
00:00:14.000 welcome to the gateless podcast I'm
00:00:15.759 really glad that you're here I'm your
00:00:17.320 host Kara Kayrouz this is where you'll find
00:00:20.279 conversations with self-made women who
00:00:22.840 share their playbooks their tips their
00:00:25.800 actual experiences on the journey to
00:00:28.160 success I also chat with experts and
00:00:31.039 practitioners of mindset stress
00:00:33.520 productivity emotional and mental health
00:00:36.160 because if you're listening to this
00:00:38.079 you're somebody that bets boldly on
00:00:39.800 yourself and you care about optimizing
00:00:42.520 how you feel perform give back love and
00:00:45.559 just move through the world this podcast
00:00:47.800 is here to help you become the absolute
00:00:49.840 most incredible version of yourself in
00:00:51.960 life and in business be sure to
00:00:54.960 subscribe to the podcast so you never
00:00:56.800 miss an episode we really appreciate
00:00:58.680 your feedback and riew views the only
00:01:01.160 way that we grow right now is from you
00:01:02.920 sharing your favorite episodes with your
00:01:04.959 family and friends on social media so
00:01:07.280 thank you for doing that go do that big
00:01:09.920 cool thing that you've been dreaming
00:01:11.360 about today thank you so much for being
00:01:13.720 here Christine I couldn't be more
00:01:15.560 excited to have this conversation I
00:01:16.920 think it's very timely in my life but I
00:01:19.600 also feel like there's a lot going on in
00:01:22.720 probably all of our listeners lives that
00:01:24.920 this episode is surely going to be a
00:01:27.400 bookmarked one and probably a listened
00:01:29.479 to multiple times conversations so thank
00:01:32.680 you for taking an hour of your day to
00:01:34.240 talk to me thank you for having me I'm
00:01:36.840 so honored I just always love to have
00:01:39.320 beautiful new connections that are made
00:01:41.079 and the conversations that come out of
00:01:42.680 this and just whoever needs to be
00:01:44.520 touched with this message today I just
00:01:46.360 hope that it just penetrates their heart
00:01:48.159 and just really sinks in I hope so too
00:01:50.360 what would be helpful is if before we
00:01:52.159 dig into anything because I know once we
00:01:54.399 start going we'll go fast could you just
00:01:56.439 introduce yourself and and the work that
00:01:58.799 you do I know you have multiple
00:02:00.439 different lines of business but tell us
00:02:02.159 a little about what your work and then
00:02:03.920 how you work with clients and just
00:02:06.119 anything that that is resonating with
00:02:09.758 the work that you're actually doing
00:02:10.800 right now yeah well thank you well my
00:02:13.720 name is Christine juel and I am a
00:02:16.160 holistic health and high performance
00:02:17.560 coach I'm specifically working the um
00:02:20.120 with Founders SE Suite Executives
00:02:22.720 leaders who really are at this
00:02:24.480 Crossroads something is going on in
00:02:26.160 their life and they're going what is
00:02:28.040 next right I've built super successful
00:02:29.959 businesses usually by the time they get
00:02:32.000 to me their marriage is on the rocks or
00:02:33.760 on the way out or they're trying to
00:02:35.280 figure out what is this all what is
00:02:36.959 going on either how do I rebuild On
00:02:39.000 Solid ground or how do I build on Solid
00:02:40.959 Ground going forward and so one of the
00:02:43.440 things I often say my husband and I say
00:02:45.519 this a lot is leadership is reflection
00:02:47.920 everything that's going on in an outer
00:02:49.640 world is a reflection of what's going on
00:02:51.920 in our inner world and so by the time
00:02:55.159 the leaders come to me they're looking
00:02:57.440 around going I either want to burn this
00:02:59.440 all down I want to run away I want to
00:03:01.560 start over but I don't want to feel sort
00:03:04.400 of Trapped in this life that I've built
00:03:06.280 so that's where I come in and that's why
00:03:08.159 I say it's not for everybody it's for
00:03:10.200 someone who's really ready to get out of
00:03:11.840 their head into their heart I do a lot
00:03:14.319 of faith-based work so a lot of my
00:03:15.799 coaching is founded on Christ centered
00:03:18.239 principles which is love really at the
00:03:20.120 root of everything it's like the core is
00:03:22.640 really a life of love a life of Peace a
00:03:24.920 life of freedom and it's interesting
00:03:27.000 because we live in a world that we are
00:03:28.680 taught to Chase things that are chaotic
00:03:31.200 and complicated and always creating from
00:03:33.599 pressure and it's insanity and so I love
00:03:36.760 supporting leaders on this journey of
00:03:38.280 getting things back in the right order
00:03:40.360 starting with their relationship with
00:03:41.799 themselves their relationship with God
00:03:43.200 their relationships with the opposite
00:03:44.680 sex and really stepping into the mission
00:03:46.959 and calling that they're being called
00:03:48.959 into in this season of life because I do
00:03:50.879 believe that each season is preparing us
00:03:54.000 our character our skill sets our hearts
00:03:56.640 everything for the next season that
00:03:58.439 we're being called into and you stay in
00:04:00.239 one season too long you start feeling
00:04:02.400 stagnant and like your soul is dying a
00:04:04.720 slow death because it is because you're
00:04:06.720 no longer creating and evolving and
00:04:08.519 doing the things you're being called to
00:04:09.720 do so that is my long winded way that is
00:04:12.200 not my elevator pitch but that's really
00:04:14.680 what sets my soul on Fires helping
00:04:17.279 leaders entrepreneurs leaders get in the
00:04:19.680 right place so that they can add life
00:04:21.798 back into their marriages their
00:04:23.000 relationships their business and really
00:04:25.800 live from a place of true freedom and
00:04:27.720 what I mean by that is you know we all
00:04:29.759 want time Freedom we want mental freedom
00:04:31.680 from all the chaotic thoughts in our
00:04:33.120 heads we want emotional freedom from all
00:04:35.120 the garbage of our past and we go
00:04:37.120 through all this stuff and we're either
00:04:38.720 like trying to suppress it or repress it
00:04:41.280 or do everything else but actually clean
00:04:43.919 out the garbage that's there so that we
00:04:45.759 can make room for what's to
00:04:48.240 come and that makes absolute sense so
00:04:52.000 you described the type of person that
00:04:55.120 you work with most often in the season
00:04:57.199 of their life that they're in usually
00:04:58.720 when they come to because you're able to
00:05:00.919 describe it so specifically and
00:05:02.639 articulately like it lends itself to the
00:05:05.919 understanding that probably there's a
00:05:07.320 ton of people that fit that mold in our
00:05:10.479 world which is I mean a whole other
00:05:12.880 topic that we could go down and I kind
00:05:14.520 of want to touch on it like I am a
00:05:16.520 leader of a startup company I seen this
00:05:20.880 happen around me time and time again in
00:05:25.080 the more than a decade that I've been in
00:05:27.400 Tech and yeah it's like not even
00:05:30.759 shocking anymore when people's lives
00:05:33.560 fall apart right around the time where
00:05:35.360 they're on paper like potentially the
00:05:37.479 most successful that they've ever been
00:05:39.600 or the most busy and in the business
00:05:42.960 that they've ever been I'm curious to
00:05:45.680 learn more about your perspective on if
00:05:47.880 that happen so frequently like what is
00:05:49.759 the foundation that we didn't build upon
00:05:53.520 or that most people are missing that
00:05:56.759 allows things to get like so off balance
00:05:59.680 and rocked so deeply when the chaos
00:06:04.800 reaches a height the family demands
00:06:07.800 reach a specific height your business
00:06:09.440 demands reach a specific height like
00:06:11.000 what is it that isn't grounding people
00:06:14.720 when all of this happens and things come
00:06:17.120 crashing down and they need the help
00:06:19.120 that you that you
00:06:21.599 offer that is such a deep question come
00:06:24.720 on we're going right in she's like we
00:06:26.400 are diving right into the defend and to
00:06:29.880 not Dive Right In so let's just I love
00:06:31.840 it because I do not like these fluffy
00:06:33.720 superficial conversations I'm like let's
00:06:35.800 just get at the heart of the matter and
00:06:37.840 it is the perfect place to start is the
00:06:39.919 heart of the matter you know I had
00:06:41.919 somebody and exactly what you said Cara
00:06:43.720 is the I had a call one of the most
00:06:46.680 recent clients that signed up to work
00:06:48.759 with me he said to me you know my wealth
00:06:51.720 and success and business acument and
00:06:55.000 companies I'm building are at a 10 and
00:06:57.639 my relationship is like at a too my
00:07:00.400 relationship with my wife my
00:07:01.840 relationship with my teenage kids
00:07:03.360 because by that time they strained
00:07:05.280 relationships too from people not being
00:07:06.960 fully present and one of the things I
00:07:09.560 hear a lot is I don't really know what
00:07:11.879 really makes me happy what am I
00:07:13.680 passionate about they've lost sort of
00:07:15.800 that fire they lots of ideas of what
00:07:17.440 they should be doing but anyways and I
00:07:20.560 just say that is it right there is the
00:07:23.000 foundation that we built everything on
00:07:26.479 what was the foundation that we built
00:07:29.120 this ENT entire life on this entire
00:07:31.360 business this entire whatever right role
00:07:34.240 that we're playing because if the
00:07:36.319 foundation isn't solid if it's not like
00:07:39.400 dug out there's infrastructure you know
00:07:41.520 it's not just like okay let's slap up
00:07:42.960 some plywood and let's it looks pretty
00:07:44.680 let's just get after building we get so
00:07:46.960 excited to build things to create things
00:07:48.879 to Chas success but we don't have the
00:07:51.360 infrastructure what I mean by that is we
00:07:53.479 don't really have the identity yet the
00:07:57.039 real character not only to attract what
00:07:59.840 we truly desire not what we think we
00:08:01.680 should be
00:08:02.599 chasing what we really desire at our
00:08:05.479 core which a lot of people don't do the
00:08:07.280 digging on that right they are so
00:08:09.319 programmed we're so programmed and
00:08:12.440 indoctrinated that what we should want
00:08:14.840 what we should think we're indoctrinated
00:08:17.039 of what to think not how to think and
00:08:19.800 that's why you know in my book drop the
00:08:21.360 armor I talk about our origin story what
00:08:23.680 was your origin story what were you
00:08:25.199 taught that love looks like success
00:08:26.960 looks like for most of us it's like okay
00:08:29.680 if I look really great and I get really
00:08:31.599 good grades and I perform amazing I
00:08:33.599 score goals at in athletics and I win
00:08:36.320 games and I get grades and I land the
00:08:38.279 perfect job it's like all this love po
00:08:40.919 fake love you know all this attention
00:08:42.880 and affection pours into our life or
00:08:45.560 sometimes we have to be the protector
00:08:48.040 and the provider in our family and so
00:08:50.000 from the beginning we have a really
00:08:52.200 shaky Foundation of what the purpose in
00:08:56.040 life is what's what true success looks
00:08:58.360 like what real wealth is but on just
00:09:00.040 chasing money so we have all these
00:09:02.360 distorted uh constructs around what love
00:09:06.160 is what successes what Freedom actually
00:09:09.680 is right what we're doing is we're
00:09:12.040 chasing a a life that actually keeps us
00:09:14.480 more enslaved and that's part of the
00:09:17.200 whole factory system that is a lot of
00:09:19.279 our education system which is designed
00:09:21.680 which was originally designed to create
00:09:23.560 Factory workers but that's a totally
00:09:25.279 different conversation gosh that's a
00:09:27.279 huge conversation in itself so I would
00:09:29.440 say number one the foundation who taught
00:09:31.519 us that who taught you what it was like
00:09:33.800 to really be loved not to transact For
00:09:37.000 Love or to perform for love but a lot of
00:09:39.839 us have never actually learned how to
00:09:42.279 really love others and how to receive
00:09:44.560 love just because that's what love does
00:09:47.600 right and so I would say the foundations
00:09:49.160 were broken number two a lot of us never
00:09:51.279 had the time to cultivate the character
00:09:53.480 what we did is we had to put on masks
00:09:56.279 and identities to either survive our
00:09:58.320 environment right because maybe our home
00:10:00.600 environment was super chaotic or
00:10:02.079 unpredictable and so we all put on these
00:10:04.680 little
00:10:05.680 personas who daddy wants me to be who
00:10:07.959 Mommy wants me to be who my friends want
00:10:09.720 me to be and then who my boyfriend wants
00:10:11.440 me to be and we just keep layering all
00:10:13.800 these identities so we've got all of
00:10:15.959 these
00:10:17.560 personas and so much of the time
00:10:20.160 especially when I work with clients I'm
00:10:21.519 like but who are you if you wake up
00:10:23.959 tomorrow and your job's gone who are you
00:10:26.160 and your wife's gone and your money's
00:10:28.000 like your bank accounts are at zero and
00:10:29.760 it's just it's shattering right because
00:10:31.720 very few of us actually took the time
00:10:33.519 and space or had the environment that
00:10:36.120 really allowed us to grow and get to
00:10:38.079 know our true character who God created
00:10:40.560 you to be there's only one of you
00:10:41.800 there's only one of you and there's only
00:10:43.120 ever going to be one of you and you're
00:10:45.560 uniquely created on purpose for a Divine
00:10:47.680 Purpose with a very unique signature and
00:10:50.079 design we spend so much time trying to
00:10:52.399 be things that we're not to please
00:10:54.800 people that we don't actually really
00:10:58.040 want to know really Thrive and be around
00:11:02.079 and so I think that those are a couple
00:11:04.160 key things is huge one is identity like
00:11:06.160 really getting to know our identity the
00:11:08.079 other one is really a grounded
00:11:12.040 healthy definition of what a rich
00:11:15.320 vibrant life of freedom and health looks
00:11:17.639 like we're given all these ideas of what
00:11:19.279 our parents think that it is or our
00:11:21.440 grandparents but it's like what's the
00:11:22.959 generational program you picked
00:11:24.959 up oh man there's so much there but it's
00:11:28.720 resonates very well like I could not
00:11:31.440 agree with you more the foundation of
00:11:33.800 how to show love and how to feel love is
00:11:37.160 oftentimes Overlook or we don't take the
00:11:39.160 time to diagnose that in ourselves and
00:11:41.240 like really process what our experiences
00:11:43.120 were and how that was modeled to us and
00:11:45.320 then self identity do you listen to a
00:11:48.279 mindset Mentor
00:11:50.480 ever I I think I have like a long time
00:11:53.560 ago I don't listen to as many mindset
00:11:56.720 podcasts anymore but I'm sure episode
00:12:00.160 Rec there was an episode recently about
00:12:03.000 how to make yourself happy basically and
00:12:06.399 one of the concepts that he dug into was
00:12:09.480 on the basis of when we are young it
00:12:12.519 starts from when we're very young and we
00:12:15.880 are like reprimanded eight times more
00:12:19.399 than we are praised as a child yeah and
00:12:22.720 then when we start to be exposed more
00:12:24.560 consistently to social situations it's
00:12:27.680 every T most of the time
00:12:29.760 you're being exposed or conditioned to
00:12:32.440 feel like you have to change who you are
00:12:35.199 inside to fit in or be accepted or to
00:12:38.160 align with what everybody else is doing
00:12:40.199 and like that is how you'll get love and
00:12:42.600 so we're conditioned so early to do it
00:12:45.399 and one of the steps that he was talking
00:12:47.720 about was like really thinking about who
00:12:50.639 are you really who were you meant to be
00:12:53.360 not who have you manipulated and
00:12:55.279 involved yourself to be in certain
00:12:57.120 situations sort of like a a
00:12:59.880 chameleon rather and I think I think the
00:13:02.399 key there is really you know what you're
00:13:04.079 saying there sorry I didn't mean to
00:13:05.240 interrupt that's okay like I'm like oh
00:13:08.079 yes like seems similar it seems similar
00:13:10.880 to what you're saying like it starts so
00:13:12.279 early and we don't even realize that
00:13:13.880 it's happening and even like as a parent
00:13:16.320 I'm i' never really thought about it
00:13:17.920 that way but obviously I'm so much more
00:13:19.639 aware of it after thinking about this
00:13:22.440 concept totally and there's so much
00:13:25.120 around this like identity is something
00:13:26.839 that I'm really really passionate about
00:13:28.720 I don't geek out on because it's it
00:13:31.839 identity drives our beliefs and our
00:13:33.480 beliefs Drive our thoughts and our
00:13:35.560 thoughts Drive our actions and so a lot
00:13:38.240 of people are trying to chase behavior
00:13:39.839 modification well I'll just stop doing
00:13:41.519 this I'll just start working out I'll
00:13:42.800 stop drinking I'll be nicer to my spouse
00:13:44.680 I'll start whatever it is and when we
00:13:47.000 only address behavior
00:13:49.399 modification it's so temporary like you
00:13:51.839 need all kinds of like carrots dangling
00:13:54.480 carrots and stuff like that and changing
00:13:56.320 our thoughts is good but we really have
00:13:57.800 to get to the root because the root is
00:14:00.279 in the heart the root is in the identity
00:14:02.399 everything that we think we believe is
00:14:05.600 based out of identity and the question
00:14:08.120 is where did that originate so whose
00:14:10.639 thoughts were they that are planted in
00:14:12.639 us about who we are and what what is the
00:14:15.240 source what has been the source of those
00:14:17.160 thoughts I mean I hope that this really
00:14:18.519 lands because a lot of times too I and I
00:14:21.720 just want to say this and I what you
00:14:23.440 were just saying is so good because when
00:14:25.519 we get all that negative feedback you
00:14:27.880 know what's happening is that there's so
00:14:29.360 much shame that's experienced at a young
00:14:32.000 age and shame is a very dense a very
00:14:34.199 heavy low vibration emotion it's the
00:14:36.519 closest to death actually on the map of
00:14:38.440 Consciousness and so we will do anything
00:14:41.800 anything to avoid shame you know that
00:14:45.279 feeling and also when you couple that
00:14:48.000 with our basic human needs I mean the
00:14:50.399 first one is for security right we need
00:14:52.839 to know that we're we need to know
00:14:54.240 what's predictable right it doesn't have
00:14:55.839 to be comfortable but we security means
00:14:58.519 I feel like I know what's going to
00:15:00.279 happen like I could I it's a false sense
00:15:02.680 of safety sometimes right and connection
00:15:05.720 and so we will manipulate who we are we
00:15:08.199 will shapeshift ourselves to avoid that
00:15:12.079 shame or rejection at all cost to
00:15:14.480 connect and to create because it's an
00:15:17.519 illusion a lot of times a sense of
00:15:20.120 security and belonging and that's why I
00:15:22.600 come back to that
00:15:24.160 original place that we established our
00:15:26.920 sense of connection to ourselves to our
00:15:30.079 parents to what love looks like and what
00:15:32.279 security looks for us like for us
00:15:34.680 unconsciously meaning in our nervous
00:15:36.880 system it's sometime it's so Twisted so
00:15:39.759 much of the time right and I recently
00:15:41.880 ask the the ladies in my group we have a
00:15:43.880 women's community that I have and it's
00:15:45.600 like a monthly community and we drop
00:15:47.000 journaling prompts every morning in
00:15:48.639 there and I asked them you know
00:15:50.600 yesterday we were talking about rights
00:15:52.600 of Passage and I said who taught you
00:15:54.800 what was your right of passage into
00:15:56.319 becoming a woman and really learning and
00:16:00.319 being shown and modeled what it meant to
00:16:03.199 be a woman who is beautiful you know
00:16:07.759 success whatever that is like for you
00:16:09.839 right and it was so interesting to hear
00:16:11.519 all the replies because they were so
00:16:13.880 twisted and so different and most of
00:16:16.480 them were like oh nobody actually taught
00:16:18.279 me I never really had a right of passage
00:16:21.519 you know yeah not talked about or it was
00:16:24.560 like yeah modeled in a way that I wanted
00:16:27.040 to run away from it so if I mean we know
00:16:30.319 that everybody's childhood experiences
00:16:33.000 are so different because of the nature
00:16:35.560 of your family dynamic or your parents
00:16:39.480 your mentors or lack there of like older
00:16:43.160 figures in your life that you were
00:16:45.440 exposed to like your sibling all these
00:16:47.560 different things right and I would
00:16:49.199 imagine that so much of the things that
00:16:51.920 we can't control related to our
00:16:54.240 experiences and our environment growing
00:16:55.920 up have a lot to do with the way you
00:16:58.959 show up and move through the world
00:17:01.480 especially in these times of life that
00:17:03.199 we're talking about like when you're at
00:17:05.000 the peak of a career or in a hard spot
00:17:08.280 in relationships or whatever it is Are
00:17:10.760 there specific types
00:17:13.439 of how do I ask this are there
00:17:15.919 commonalities that you see that we
00:17:18.640 should be aware of about ourselves or
00:17:20.640 just know about ourselves that could
00:17:22.400 lead to that cracked foundation or not
00:17:25.520 having built that Foundation that we
00:17:27.240 talked about previously that are things
00:17:29.559 that we can't control that happened to
00:17:31.120 us in our childhood and early life but
00:17:33.960 as an adult I have The Stance of no we
00:17:36.080 can't control necessarily what happened
00:17:37.520 to us at certain parts of our life but
00:17:39.080 when you become an adult you do have the
00:17:40.640 responsibility to own it and work it out
00:17:42.679 and see it for yourself and really don't
00:17:46.400 let that be the thing that makes you
00:17:48.440 hurt people in your world or don't let
00:17:49.919 that be the thing that makes you not
00:17:51.919 reach your full potential or do the good
00:17:53.280 in the world that you can so while I
00:17:55.320 have tons of empathy for everybody's
00:17:57.960 Journey I think at some point too there
00:18:00.039 is a responsibility that you have to
00:18:02.440 take as an adult to do more good in the
00:18:04.840 world than not and a lot of the times
00:18:06.919 that comes from like really
00:18:08.880 diagnosing where you came from what
00:18:10.679 happened all of these things so are
00:18:12.280 there common themes or like things that
00:18:14.440 you notice that are similar in people
00:18:17.440 that are able to get to a place of
00:18:19.600 rebuilding a really solid foundation and
00:18:21.880 moving forward through the world in a
00:18:24.159 positive way with purpose verse those
00:18:27.200 that there's more of a struggle there
00:18:28.880 and feel free to answer that question
00:18:30.919 however you want I think you probably
00:18:32.240 get what I'm trying to understand but I
00:18:33.960 probably didn't articulate that question
00:18:35.200 very well so let me just clarify you're
00:18:37.559 asking me are there similar patterns or
00:18:40.200 things that I'm noticing in people who
00:18:41.559 are ready to make that change yes yes
00:18:43.960 exactly or are are there certain
00:18:46.120 patterns that people that need to people
00:18:48.880 need to be aware of that say hey it's
00:18:50.760 time to make a
00:18:52.080 change yeah and maybe less of like from
00:18:54.799 a judgmental Place more from a
00:18:56.159 self-awareness place
00:18:58.919 yeah so okay I love this question and I
00:19:01.640 think we've all heard this the
00:19:02.840 definition of insanity is doing the same
00:19:04.559 thing over and over again and expecting
00:19:06.080 a different result and so I want to just
00:19:09.120 unpack this a little bit first of all I
00:19:11.480 would say we self-awareness there's only
00:19:14.679 there's three stages of transformation
00:19:16.480 to transform something means to change
00:19:18.600 its entire form right it's going beyond
00:19:21.240 the current form that means your
00:19:22.520 thoughts are different your emotions are
00:19:24.960 different you even might look different
00:19:26.640 the tone of your voice sounds different
00:19:28.159 there's a to Total Transformation like a
00:19:30.880 butterfly has no resemblance to a
00:19:32.799 caterpillar okay yeah and so even though
00:19:35.919 my name is still the same I mean I've
00:19:37.679 had people say this to me all the time
00:19:39.200 like wow you're unrecognizable sometimes
00:19:41.120 from who you used to be you still have
00:19:42.640 your core Identity or personality quirks
00:19:45.919 but my life today is radically different
00:19:49.080 like it's inside out so it's just beyond
00:19:52.159 it's a different reality so this whole
00:19:54.039 thing about like I've lived multiple
00:19:55.520 lifetimes because every time I say yes
00:19:57.880 to the next l ution I know there has to
00:20:00.280 be a releasing of the old so it always
00:20:02.159 starts with that self- awareness right
00:20:03.840 the awareness is the first stage I think
00:20:06.440 a lot of people a either they don't have
00:20:08.320 self-awareness until something happens
00:20:10.320 to you externally like somebody comes
00:20:13.159 home and says hey guess what I want out
00:20:14.799 of this marriage or hey guess what
00:20:17.000 you're fired or hey guess what either
00:20:19.080 something happens to us or in us that
00:20:21.880 rattles our world that usually is the
00:20:24.440 first time that our eyes are really open
00:20:26.480 once you have an eye opening experience
00:20:28.919 really rattles you to your core usually
00:20:32.200 you know now we Embrace awareness now
00:20:34.000 we're like okay I want my eyes open I'm
00:20:35.679 a lot more self-reflective but
00:20:37.760 self-awareness is the ability to see
00:20:40.080 myself and become the Observer so can I
00:20:42.159 see my triggers what are all the things
00:20:44.679 that trigger me that frustrate me I
00:20:46.400 always say like frustration is just a
00:20:48.159 lot of misalignment triggers reflect
00:20:50.640 where we still have wounding that needs
00:20:52.159 to be healed anything that's irritating
00:20:54.559 us we're our nervous system it's like
00:20:56.679 okay wow okay can I observe what's
00:20:59.360 happening in my body right so the
00:21:01.039 ability to observe without
00:21:03.600 reacting right being conscious in that
00:21:05.679 moment and being able to be present with
00:21:07.240 whatever is presenting itself whether
00:21:09.120 it's a trigger whether it's a flood of
00:21:11.039 emotion whether it's like a instant
00:21:13.559 desire to want to run you know like I
00:21:15.520 want to run and get out of here or hide
00:21:16.840 under a table or lash out or whatever it
00:21:18.760 is or even just to observe how we shut
00:21:21.520 down in certain situations right without
00:21:24.480 judging ourselves there's a lot of
00:21:26.600 people pleasing that I work with
00:21:28.559 surprisingly you would think that people
00:21:29.840 that get to the top they're just more
00:21:31.960 aggressive and belligerent but actually
00:21:34.159 they're amazing masters of people
00:21:36.559 Pleasers and actually the root of that
00:21:38.279 is control and
00:21:39.840 manipulation it's crazy because they
00:21:41.880 it's worn under the umbrella of oh I
00:21:43.480 care so much about people but when we
00:21:45.159 peel away the layers it's actually the
00:21:47.320 root is no I need to manipulate people
00:21:49.120 because I don't want to feel
00:21:51.360 uncomfortable it's crazy okay so again
00:21:54.760 only for those who are not faint of
00:21:56.480 heart who are willing to take radical
00:21:58.159 ownership we go whoa self-awareness is
00:22:00.720 that piece the second piece is
00:22:02.520 integration which is now okay great my
00:22:04.840 eyes are open now I have to be willing
00:22:08.600 to do something different to do the
00:22:10.400 thing that feels really scary this is
00:22:12.279 why a lot of my coaching is faith-based
00:22:13.760 in the sense that it takes faith and a
00:22:16.640 lot of courage to do the thing that's
00:22:18.919 really terrifying uncomfortable to
00:22:21.000 stretch us into different territory to
00:22:23.840 have conversations that are really we
00:22:25.919 never taught to have to have difficult
00:22:27.919 conversations with with ourselves
00:22:29.640 integration is the practice of showing
00:22:31.520 up and running the new drills and doing
00:22:33.600 the new things and for some of us we
00:22:35.240 have to go through it's not pretty like
00:22:37.400 it gets messy but integration takes time
00:22:40.200 it takes space it takes intention and it
00:22:43.039 takes an incredible amount of
00:22:44.840 willingness so to your
00:22:46.919 point the one thing that I see that I
00:22:49.760 ask actually it's on my intake form is
00:22:52.080 are you willing to get way out of your
00:22:54.600 comfort zone and do things you've never
00:22:56.159 done before because if the answer is ah
00:22:58.159 I don't and I have them rated on scale
00:22:59.520 of 1 to 10 because if they're like well
00:23:01.840 I'm like a three on that like I know
00:23:03.960 that the minute I invite them into this
00:23:06.559 new thing to press in they're going to
00:23:08.039 run back to what's familiar because the
00:23:09.440 need for certainty is still so strong
00:23:12.360 right so willingness I would say is
00:23:15.840 probably one of the top things number
00:23:18.720 two is decisiveness and what I mean by
00:23:21.720 that is a decision when you look at the
00:23:23.960 Hebrew word for decision it actually
00:23:25.360 means incision a decision is not a
00:23:27.880 choice you're not like selecting from a
00:23:29.360 menu oh like which job would I like
00:23:31.240 which new relationship you're actually
00:23:33.320 making a cut you're saying effective
00:23:35.799 immediately I am no longer available for
00:23:38.360 that ever again like I'm only going to
00:23:41.000 do this I will no longer compromise my
00:23:42.960 values I will no longer live this way I
00:23:45.720 refuse to build a business from pressure
00:23:48.279 right and I I did a post on distorted
00:23:51.039 marketing tactics that are in the world
00:23:53.200 there's so much Twisted programming
00:23:55.679 around how to manipulate everything to
00:23:57.039 get what you want the minute you decide
00:23:59.200 I'm no longer going to be a people
00:24:00.640 pleaser I'm no longer going to walk on
00:24:02.039 eggshells I refuse willingness and
00:24:04.840 decisiveness man that is power because
00:24:08.000 now you're cutting and now it's not like
00:24:09.640 I have options there are no options
00:24:11.960 there's one option right so you've got
00:24:14.760 to be at that place because then you're
00:24:16.919 willing to go into integration and then
00:24:19.200 you know one of the other questions I
00:24:20.720 personally ask is I think it's really
00:24:22.120 important because I know from my own
00:24:24.440 life I have a big Warrior spirit and I
00:24:28.039 love fight I love a great challenge I
00:24:29.919 mean everything I put my mind to I was
00:24:31.399 successful at but I was like are you
00:24:33.480 done going alone you need to be done
00:24:36.679 going alone thinking that you can fix it
00:24:38.799 yourself thinking that you can solve it
00:24:40.320 all that you can find like you need I
00:24:42.279 always say are you ready to get to work
00:24:44.799 in the spiritual realm as well as the
00:24:46.799 Physical Realm are you ready to invite
00:24:48.559 God to come along beside you and work
00:24:50.360 with a mentor a coach a community
00:24:52.960 something because you need people you
00:24:55.880 need solid people around you that can
00:24:58.000 reflect back truly right good grounded
00:25:02.039 solid people that can be mirrors for you
00:25:04.320 but I think also we have to release this
00:25:05.840 idea that I have to figure it all out
00:25:07.279 myself because I know that there's a guy
00:25:09.000 that wants to come around you who
00:25:10.679 already knows the path before you knows
00:25:12.279 the job knows the setup he's already got
00:25:14.360 the whole BL of the land and you're like
00:25:15.919 you can either collaborate and co-create
00:25:18.080 with him or you can go I'm good things
00:25:19.960 I'm G to figure it all out myself which
00:25:21.440 is like the recipe for suffering you
00:25:23.080 know and so the last piece is obviously
00:25:25.159 after you go through this integration
00:25:26.600 and you're willing and you're leaning in
00:25:28.399 and you're making decisions and then we
00:25:30.720 get to embodiment which is the new
00:25:32.559 normal right and embodiment essentially
00:25:34.679 is Mastery which now I just do it
00:25:36.960 without consciously having to think
00:25:38.399 about it like of course this is just the
00:25:40.840 way we operate in the relationships of
00:25:42.480 course this is just the way we do
00:25:43.600 leadership it just is it's like tying
00:25:45.799 your shoes now you're not having to
00:25:47.840 focus so much energy on being present
00:25:51.799 for it because it's in you all of this
00:25:54.000 resonates so much something that I don't
00:25:57.600 think I iously thought about always but
00:26:00.520 has become more of a conscious thought
00:26:02.520 it's always been I'd say it's always
00:26:04.679 been in my subconscious because I'm more
00:26:06.799 I lean as a person and a leader more on
00:26:08.960 like I care a lot about integrity and
00:26:10.880 ethics of doing things and whether that
00:26:13.520 is a positive or negative on like
00:26:15.880 success but this concept of doing things
00:26:20.200 right or sorry doing the right things
00:26:22.840 but then also doing things right and
00:26:27.279 you're sort of like same sentence but
00:26:29.440 it's like there's a difference between
00:26:30.799 doing the right things and doing things
00:26:32.880 the right way and in my opinion and
00:26:36.799 experience that's always been correlated
00:26:38.799 to I heard you use this concept or this
00:26:41.399 term in something of yours I was
00:26:42.960 listening to but the illusion of success
00:26:45.720 I think it's very easy to say I'm doing
00:26:48.760 all the right things and I have this
00:26:50.840 illusion of success but when you really
00:26:52.520 start to think about but am I doing
00:26:54.080 things the right way then maybe that
00:26:57.039 illusion of success starts to crumble a
00:26:58.799 little bit I would love to hear your
00:27:02.120 perspective and all of your thoughts on
00:27:04.960 just the concept of the illusion of
00:27:06.480 success and you can reach success in
00:27:09.120 whatever whatever that means for you
00:27:11.240 personally but you can also do it in the
00:27:13.799 right way and it's not just about like
00:27:15.880 inputs and inputs and inputs it's what
00:27:17.600 is the makeup and the foundation under
00:27:19.080 the things that you're doing and the way
00:27:20.240 you're doing them and the way you're
00:27:21.320 moving through the world and the way
00:27:22.360 you're treating people and all of those
00:27:23.919 things because it's like one plus one
00:27:25.559 doesn't necessarily equal two in no I
00:27:29.159 oh my gosh so good I love this you're
00:27:31.120 great at asking great questions right so
00:27:34.240 I love it so first of all I just want to
00:27:36.520 tap into that thing of Integrity that
00:27:38.039 you said because I would say I work you
00:27:39.919 know one of the things I didn't mention
00:27:41.159 is I do a lot of the Executive coaching
00:27:43.120 inside of our organization I do the
00:27:44.760 really intimate deep work in the heart
00:27:46.240 and the relationships and the spiritual
00:27:47.919 walk and the next calling but we also
00:27:50.000 have a component of our business that is
00:27:51.600 leadership and development training for
00:27:53.240 the whole person inside of organization
00:27:55.279 so employee mid-level management where
00:27:57.679 we come in and we support those people
00:28:00.000 and companies really to build an awesome
00:28:02.679 Culture by really investing in the heart
00:28:04.960 of their people because that's the
00:28:06.000 heartbeat of everything else I mean we
00:28:08.440 pour the love into the people and we
00:28:10.120 really create an environment where
00:28:11.440 people can Thrive they just perform
00:28:14.000 better like they produce they're way
00:28:15.840 more productive they're more engaged the
00:28:17.840 money is a byproduct right like sales
00:28:20.760 all of that you and I talked a little
00:28:21.960 bit about that so I wanted to bring that
00:28:24.559 up because whenever we work with
00:28:25.960 companies leaders or whatever you walk
00:28:27.360 in and you see their mission statement
00:28:28.840 you know it's like Integrity is always
00:28:30.360 one of them and I I always ask everyone
00:28:32.640 like what does that actually mean and I
00:28:34.440 love getting like a group of even
00:28:36.320 Executives in the room and I'll ask them
00:28:38.200 and I'll tell you that they will either
00:28:39.600 all say something different which is
00:28:41.519 fine because we all have our own
00:28:42.919 definition of that but Integrity really
00:28:46.559 means wholeness like integral the the
00:28:49.320 Latin root of integrity means whole and
00:28:52.480 here's the thing that I've noticed is
00:28:53.760 when people are unclear on their values
00:28:56.120 like really what their values are like
00:28:58.200 haven't upgraded them in a long time
00:28:59.799 they haven't defined them again going
00:29:01.159 back to what we were talking about
00:29:02.399 they're still running values from what
00:29:03.919 they were taught as kids which may still
00:29:05.519 be relevant but they often upgrade and
00:29:07.919 evolve right like my definition of
00:29:09.640 Vitality and health today is very
00:29:11.120 different than it was when I was in my
00:29:12.399 20s when it was about like being super
00:29:14.640 fit lean and all this stuff so my point
00:29:17.399 with this is that we haven't Revisited
00:29:20.519 really what our core values what are the
00:29:22.360 things that we will live on the sword
00:29:23.640 and die by the sword for have we defined
00:29:25.919 them and then whenever we are
00:29:28.679 compromising our values to get our needs
00:29:31.760 met there is an inner Civil War and we
00:29:34.640 do this all the time in business we will
00:29:37.360 have all these values written up we
00:29:39.080 won't really have identified but we feel
00:29:40.799 like there's this inner civil war going
00:29:42.480 on our inner unrest there's Division and
00:29:45.080 it can be inside of us and usually what
00:29:47.240 I notice is in leadership if this is
00:29:49.159 going on in their company it's going on
00:29:51.039 in the leadership in the heart of the
00:29:52.640 leadership there's inner Civil War here
00:29:54.960 and it's reflecting outside with
00:29:56.480 division grumbling gossip Ascension
00:29:59.120 people undermining authority it's just
00:30:01.039 such a reflection because what we're
00:30:03.039 doing is we're either consciously or
00:30:04.480 unconsciously
00:30:05.919 compromising the values that we say we
00:30:08.559 stand for in order to get the next
00:30:11.360 client the next deal the next position
00:30:13.519 that to get our needs met belonging
00:30:15.399 connection the illusion of safety the
00:30:17.600 illusion of success right in an
00:30:19.559 interview I did with one of our clients
00:30:22.000 Josh he said do the right thing and say
00:30:24.360 the right thing even when it makes your
00:30:26.440 voice shake and even if it costs a
00:30:28.880 company money even if you're going to
00:30:31.039 get rejected and fired that's what it
00:30:33.159 means to have integrity because you know
00:30:34.679 you can walk away from that a whole man
00:30:36.440 a whole woman so I wanted to say that
00:30:38.480 one thing I want to say this other piece
00:30:39.919 about the right thing because you're
00:30:43.000 absolutely right we have been sometimes
00:30:45.919 you can be doing all the right things
00:30:47.840 you can have the perfect formula for
00:30:49.720 sales for marketing for a relationship
00:30:51.760 you can have the perfect script to tell
00:30:53.640 your spouse you're like I totally am
00:30:55.799 doing all the right things but I'm going
00:30:57.679 to say a couple things the right thing
00:31:00.279 at the wrong time will yield the wrong
00:31:02.480 results a lot of us don't understand the
00:31:04.799 art of timing we haven't cultivated the
00:31:08.559 understanding or in understanding of
00:31:10.039 right timing right season God is a god
00:31:12.840 of order for everything under the sun
00:31:15.399 right nothing in in nature really
00:31:17.200 produces fruit 24 hours a day like
00:31:19.039 there's a season for strawberries
00:31:20.240 there's a season for pears there's a
00:31:21.600 season for panies roses and so we get
00:31:24.480 all hung up but the world's definition
00:31:26.159 of successes always be put now
00:31:28.480 always be producing I'm a machine and
00:31:31.399 it's like that's unnatural actually yeah
00:31:35.080 so we are so anxious and agitated when
00:31:37.760 we're like what's wrong with me I I'm
00:31:39.880 not closing today I'm not producing
00:31:41.559 today and we get all of this anxiousness
00:31:44.000 and so it's like look we might be doing
00:31:45.679 the right thing but in the wrong order
00:31:47.960 it might be the wrong season it might be
00:31:49.519 the season to focus on something else
00:31:51.360 right now to set up the infrastructure
00:31:53.639 so you know when it's go time it's go
00:31:55.600 time and we've got the channels ready to
00:31:57.320 go and I just see this tension so much
00:32:00.760 especially with companies I'm working
00:32:02.120 with that they're still always trying to
00:32:03.279 grow grow grow but it's not the season
00:32:06.159 for that it's a season for stabilization
00:32:08.679 so they're doing all the right things
00:32:10.080 and they're losing money and their
00:32:11.799 people are exhausted and it's like wrong
00:32:14.120 thing right thing wrong time yep right
00:32:16.880 thing wrong order you can have all the
00:32:18.880 perfect words you put them in the wrong
00:32:20.240 order it's a hot mess you can have a
00:32:21.760 team meetings you can have a date night
00:32:23.480 you're like man I said the right things
00:32:24.880 it's like you didn't say them in the
00:32:26.679 right order and it was all the right
00:32:28.440 thing wrong tone wrong energy so there's
00:32:32.120 so much behind doing that so many of us
00:32:35.760 are so focused on I'm doing I'm doing
00:32:37.639 I'm doing we're not thinking about am I
00:32:39.559 in the right State what is the energy
00:32:42.799 that I'm initiating this conversation
00:32:44.600 from what is the energy that I'm in this
00:32:46.360 sales conversation is right is what is
00:32:48.919 the right state is it the right timing
00:32:51.080 is it the right order is this even the
00:32:53.480 right system are these even the right
00:32:55.600 people
00:32:58.159 all of it and even knowing what the
00:33:00.480 concept of am I doing the right thing
00:33:02.559 even that to me is not a black and white
00:33:05.519 thing like the right thing is gray area
00:33:08.320 it can be subjectively decided right and
00:33:11.519 I think the reason that there's
00:33:12.440 subjectivity in gray area is exactly
00:33:14.000 what you said timing is everything the
00:33:15.760 art of timing is such I love the way you
00:33:17.840 put that because like it could be sort
00:33:20.000 of the right thing but if it's not the
00:33:21.760 right time then it's just not the right
00:33:23.120 thing that is the gray area in the
00:33:24.960 subjectivity that could come along with
00:33:26.919 things like that so I I feel like my gut
00:33:30.600 reaction when you were talking about
00:33:32.120 people could say that they are feel that
00:33:34.399 they are doing the right things like the
00:33:35.519 right input the right thing to say to
00:33:36.639 your spouse the right thing to say in
00:33:38.159 the sales meeting or with the business
00:33:39.679 or whatever and it's not the right time
00:33:42.240 it seems like there's some correlation
00:33:44.840 there between mastering the art of
00:33:47.919 timing and also like our own ego and
00:33:52.000 we've convinced oursel that we know the
00:33:54.519 right way or the right path or the right
00:33:56.080 move without taking taking into account
00:33:58.880 emotional intelligence and assessing an
00:34:01.679 entire scenario and assessing the people
00:34:04.000 around you not just what's in your own
00:34:05.519 head and all that is I think in some way
00:34:08.159 not exclusively but in some way
00:34:09.480 correlated to managing our own ego do
00:34:12.079 you have a perspective on that yeah I
00:34:14.399 love it in the book drop the armor I
00:34:16.480 have a whole three section on
00:34:18.440 understanding the nature I mean
00:34:19.760 obviously this is a Warrior theme
00:34:21.280 because I'm talking to a lot of people
00:34:22.719 that have been Warriors you know you
00:34:25.000 you're slaying you're slaying in
00:34:26.599 business you're slaying in life you're
00:34:28.320 slaying in Fitness you're like come on
00:34:30.199 bring it on you know so I use a lot of
00:34:32.520 these themes so I have a whole
00:34:34.320 three-part series on understanding the
00:34:36.159 nature of the battles that we're
00:34:37.560 fighting every day whether it's a and
00:34:40.040 you know the fight could be fun it could
00:34:41.480 be a fun competition it could be a sales
00:34:43.159 thing it could be a fight with our
00:34:44.119 spouse but so many of us are so
00:34:46.320 entrenched and me me me me me what's
00:34:49.000 happening to me what are they thinking
00:34:50.440 about me why did you look at me like
00:34:52.280 that what am I going to lose out and
00:34:54.719 that's ego ego ego but at the root so
00:34:57.119 much of that is actually the stem is
00:34:59.839 fear and selfishness it's
00:35:02.560 self-centeredness right and we have such
00:35:05.880 a myopic view of what's going on because
00:35:08.920 fear is actually running the show a lot
00:35:10.520 of times with ego it's really just two
00:35:12.200 things it's fear and pride and I will
00:35:14.960 say pride is the big dragon that we got
00:35:16.880 to slay in a lot of the leaders that I
00:35:18.839 work with because there's so much of our
00:35:20.920 pride is tied up in being right in
00:35:24.400 having that position and being respected
00:35:27.000 or being seen as D and so as we're
00:35:31.599 thinking about yeah emotional
00:35:34.119 intelligence emotional maturity I mean
00:35:36.880 it's it's hard but again who taught us
00:35:38.880 this step we were so taught to just get
00:35:41.040 out there get after it work if you slow
00:35:44.280 down you're lazy and we were just taught
00:35:47.640 that to be human doings you know we hear
00:35:50.400 this all the time but not human beings
00:35:52.119 it wasn't okay to just be we were always
00:35:54.440 taught I have to be doing something to
00:35:55.800 be loved or say the right thing and so
00:35:58.280 we're so uncomfortable much of the time
00:36:00.240 with just really being that and I'll say
00:36:03.119 this like one of the biggest pieces of
00:36:05.400 work that I do with people is teaching
00:36:06.920 them how to really be with their
00:36:08.400 innermost self and it's really
00:36:10.119 uncomfortable people really resist it
00:36:12.680 but in order to be able to have that
00:36:14.480 level of emotional intelligence and hold
00:36:16.319 space for other people you need to be
00:36:17.920 able to do it for yourself so if you're
00:36:19.720 running from your own emotions and your
00:36:21.720 own fears and you're running from Pride
00:36:25.359 that you're always going to be met at
00:36:27.240 the level of Consciousness that you're
00:36:28.720 operating from you're going to be met
00:36:30.480 with more people that are self-centered
00:36:32.079 you're going to be met with more people
00:36:33.400 that are driven by fear as you start to
00:36:36.040 transcend that and you move beyond that
00:36:38.520 it's really a journey of going in in in
00:36:41.640 in in out of your head deep into your
00:36:43.560 heart which is the gateway to the soul
00:36:45.680 into your soul into the spirit and into
00:36:48.599 the room at a different level because
00:36:50.160 now you have different eyes you could
00:36:51.560 see things from a different vantage
00:36:53.280 point you do it by going inward so I
00:36:55.400 think really the journey here is one of
00:36:57.160 going inward to be really dialed in
00:37:00.119 tuned in not tuned out yeah and most of
00:37:04.359 us are so tuned out I'm like tuned into
00:37:06.200 what you're thinking and what she's
00:37:07.440 thinking and what he's doing and did you
00:37:08.960 hear what that person did instead of
00:37:10.839 being really inward you know not inward
00:37:13.720 Focus about me but really tuned in which
00:37:16.319 is what really discernment is being able
00:37:19.160 to discern is this the right time is
00:37:21.160 this the wrong thing again sometimes it
00:37:22.839 is the right thing sometimes the right
00:37:24.280 thing is to speak up sometimes the right
00:37:26.440 thing is to just shut up and listen you
00:37:28.400 know but where do you get that from
00:37:30.440 what's the filter you've got to really
00:37:32.400 be tuned in you've got to learn to get
00:37:35.040 quiet you got to learn to open your eyes
00:37:37.520 and I mean there's a process obviously
00:37:39.119 and there's lots of different ways that
00:37:40.440 people get there I have a process I walk
00:37:42.200 walk my clients into but I'll tell you
00:37:44.359 it's really challenging because people
00:37:46.800 are
00:37:47.560 uncomfortable with feeling discomfort
00:37:50.319 yeah very much
00:37:52.440 so something I like to ask myself and I
00:37:55.920 probably only started doing this in last
00:37:57.319 like
00:37:58.119 five years maybe less than that of my
00:38:00.280 life but especially no both in personal
00:38:03.319 and professional but before I send a
00:38:06.040 text or before I send an email or send
00:38:08.200 the slack or say something on a meeting
00:38:11.520 I just have a moment of checking in with
00:38:13.240 myself of like why am I saying this or
00:38:15.680 why am I writing this am I doing this
00:38:17.240 for me or am I doing this because it's
00:38:19.160 actually going to help the situation am
00:38:20.400 I doing this because of my ego and I
00:38:22.240 want to feel like I said something smart
00:38:24.440 or am I doing this saying this because I
00:38:26.079 actually feel like it's Propel the
00:38:28.319 situation forward am I replying right
00:38:30.880 now to an emotional email or text or
00:38:33.520 something this make me feel better or am
00:38:35.800 I doing it for the situation and so that
00:38:38.119 is scratching the surface of what I
00:38:40.400 could be doing but I have found that
00:38:42.079 that little moment of check in with
00:38:43.480 myself just asking the motive behind
00:38:45.440 what I'm doing is super helpful to me to
00:38:47.839 stay conscious as to why am I doing what
00:38:49.800 I'm doing why am I putting energy why
00:38:51.079 I'm putting energy but something La okay
00:38:53.760 last last big bigger meteor question and
00:38:57.079 I wanted talk a lot more about the book
00:38:59.440 so I know you work with both men and
00:39:01.079 women which is amazing but and maybe
00:39:03.880 actually this is relevant to men and
00:39:04.960 women but specifically as a woman who
00:39:08.240 started my career in Tech sales and like
00:39:12.520 specifically Silicon Valley based tech
00:39:16.359 companies that world my experience was
00:39:19.760 that it taught me early in my career
00:39:22.640 that the way to be successful in what I
00:39:25.680 thought was successful at the time was
00:39:28.000 to have a lot of masculine energy and
00:39:32.720 I've only really started to get super
00:39:35.359 uncomfortable with that and unpack it in
00:39:37.079 the last few years and I don't think
00:39:40.480 because I started my career in Tech
00:39:42.960 changes that this experience I believe
00:39:45.079 especially for women is very similar
00:39:47.599 just in any quest for success we're
00:39:50.400 taught like masculine energy is a way to
00:39:53.440 propel ourselves to some illusion of
00:39:56.240 success and what really broke that down
00:39:59.560 for me the first like really big moment
00:40:02.319 for me was when I had my son two years
00:40:06.520 ago and after the fact I felt very
00:40:10.359 different physically and cognitively
00:40:12.359 like my brain was so fuzzy and cloudy
00:40:14.119 for much longer than I expected it to be
00:40:17.200 yeah I remember after I went back to
00:40:19.599 work and I had my first really big
00:40:21.280 meeting I left that meeting and I just
00:40:23.800 started crying because I didn't add any
00:40:25.920 value I didn't felt like I was
00:40:27.319 processing at the clip that I was used
00:40:28.880 to I didn't say anything smart I don't
00:40:30.640 feel like I was helpful at all it was
00:40:31.839 like I was a bump on a log and I
00:40:34.000 remember how much that rocked me and it
00:40:36.200 gave me instead of I wasn't actually in
00:40:38.640 that moment focused on solutioning for
00:40:41.760 how do I do better in the next meeting
00:40:43.440 my brain went to I did not realize so
00:40:46.200 much of my selfworth was wrapped up in
00:40:48.800 right producing in a meeting and being
00:40:50.960 smart and thinking quickly and adding
00:40:54.040 value and so that was like the most
00:40:56.640 pivotal moment for me of really going on
00:40:58.200 this quest of understanding what is my
00:41:00.119 self worth made up of how do I bring
00:41:02.520 that back into balance how do I
00:41:04.119 dissociate that and detach that from
00:41:07.440 work and production and adding value you
00:41:10.960 know in every moment because you don't
00:41:13.000 have to you to be a good person and add
00:41:14.839 value to the world you do not have to
00:41:16.160 add value at every moment in a business
00:41:17.920 sense so it brought me to this journey
00:41:20.720 of TR like really understanding the
00:41:22.440 balance in myself of masculine and
00:41:24.040 feminine energy and how could I actually
00:41:25.560 strike more of a balanced place or even
00:41:27.560 more into feminine energy which is what
00:41:29.440 I feel at my core like I'm a soft yes I
00:41:31.480 have strong opinions and I move quickly
00:41:33.319 and think quickly but like I'm a soft
00:41:34.599 person and how do you as a woman with
00:41:37.040 similar experiences get to the place
00:41:38.800 where you feel like you can reach your
00:41:40.280 version of success and be a very
00:41:41.920 successful respected executive but not
00:41:45.720 do that through Brute Force masculine
00:41:48.119 energy at all times and I'm positive you
00:41:50.960 have like magic to share with me on this
00:41:53.640 topic but I'm curious your thoughts so
00:41:57.200 so this is like a whole week long
00:41:59.599 retreat right
00:42:01.359 here this is like a whole up and by the
00:42:04.800 way we do have a women's retreat in the
00:42:06.720 summer that you should come and we do
00:42:08.640 this year femin leadership I think we're
00:42:11.560 gonna do Tahoe this year we have to lock
00:42:13.400 in our location but this is really the
00:42:15.599 topic that we dive into and this is the
00:42:17.680 topic that we dive into in my women's
00:42:19.520 Community too it's just like this is all
00:42:21.160 I really focus on is feminine leadership
00:42:23.200 feminine design what does it look like
00:42:24.920 when it's lived out you know in the
00:42:26.480 marketplace in our families everything
00:42:29.359 and again there's so much to this and I
00:42:31.240 just really want to tune in for this on
00:42:32.599 some time of what I want to share I want
00:42:34.640 to say this that first of all the
00:42:36.720 program that we grew up with was the era
00:42:38.839 that we're in the time in the world that
00:42:41.319 we're in this was the program we had an
00:42:43.280 outdated definition of successa was very
00:42:45.480 linear it was a very much a man's
00:42:47.839 definition right it was very masculine
00:42:49.920 oriented like men males right were the
00:42:53.800 primary source of creating a lot of
00:42:55.800 those structures and stuff so we sort of
00:42:57.920 adopted their program their way of doing
00:43:00.880 things and then women come enter the
00:43:02.319 marketplace really after the 1950s I
00:43:04.480 mean women have always been active in
00:43:05.760 the marketplace but we entered in this
00:43:08.000 like post-world War into this kind of
00:43:11.000 very industrial Factory kind of system
00:43:13.359 and we're like okay I need to go be and
00:43:16.079 like arm up you know like I forget what
00:43:18.000 that woman is you know but she's like
00:43:19.559 you know I'm strong I'm capable can do
00:43:21.720 Rie the Riveter yeah and we're like I
00:43:24.800 gotta be that and so you know there's a
00:43:27.119 Distortion that's been happening since
00:43:28.800 the beginning of time of like we're
00:43:30.720 we're competing against masculine men
00:43:34.839 instead of really working together to
00:43:38.000 multiply what we were created to do as
00:43:40.280 male and female multiply and prosper
00:43:42.720 isn't just about hey get together have
00:43:44.359 babies like multiply and fill the Earth
00:43:46.839 it's actually about like multiply each
00:43:49.680 other when you get in right
00:43:51.480 relationships masculine and feminine
00:43:53.559 energy males and females working
00:43:55.720 together man it's like Rocket Fuel
00:43:58.599 environment if you get men who are
00:44:00.640 really in their genius doing the thing
00:44:02.640 that way that they're created to do
00:44:04.520 we're doing it the way we're created to
00:44:06.079 do man we see some awesome exponential
00:44:08.359 increase because we have this beautiful
00:44:09.480 blend of structure and heart and
00:44:11.760 creativity and systems and you know and
00:44:14.480 it's like the best of everything comes
00:44:16.280 together and we multiply it but we try
00:44:18.359 the problem is that again because a lot
00:44:20.359 of the programing we try to sh change
00:44:22.440 who we are at our core we change our
00:44:24.440 design and we try to fit into a mold and
00:44:26.839 so we always it's it's a burnout it's
00:44:29.720 territory for Burnout I want to say this
00:44:31.640 just because it's on my heart
00:44:33.559 spiritually at the spiritual level
00:44:35.480 there's no such thing as male or female
00:44:37.319 the spirit is asexual it's like
00:44:39.119 masculine we talk about like God is
00:44:41.000 neither male or female you know he has
00:44:43.119 both masculine and feminine he's heart
00:44:45.839 and logic like it's both and so in our
00:44:48.559 spirit in our soul we have access to
00:44:52.760 this masculine ability of vision and
00:44:55.240 structure and Clarity and right drive
00:44:58.200 and all of that and we also have this
00:45:00.040 beautiful heart and creativity and all
00:45:02.599 of that that's the spiritual Soul side
00:45:04.680 of us but in this physical body that I'm
00:45:07.280 wearing right now that's got a nervous
00:45:09.200 system and biology and a womb and
00:45:11.520 ovaries and my biology is female my
00:45:16.760 biology was designed this way on purpose
00:45:20.240 the female's body was not designed to
00:45:22.720 produce the same way that the masculine
00:45:24.760 bodies is it's it it's like totally
00:45:27.079 affects our nervous system it affects
00:45:28.599 our hormones it affects us completely
00:45:30.920 differently I'm talking about just
00:45:32.599 scientifically from a biological
00:45:34.640 standpoint so when we're sitting over
00:45:36.839 here and we're trying to use this
00:45:38.079 beautiful vessel for creation that is
00:45:40.319 really a birthing vessel to create and
00:45:42.440 pour life and nurture environments and
00:45:44.480 really that's like the feminine design
00:45:48.000 it doesn't mean we don't have awesome
00:45:49.520 Clarity and vision and stuff like that
00:45:51.359 but we're designed to work different
00:45:54.319 right and then that's this is why I go
00:45:56.319 back to that idea of rhythms and
00:45:58.839 structure and so a lot of the work that
00:46:01.400 that I do anyways with women is really
00:46:03.359 coming back to I use these terms of what
00:46:05.200 are you pregnant with right now what are
00:46:07.119 you what are you gestating like what are
00:46:08.760 you pregnant with can you be pregnant or
00:46:10.440 are you always trying to prematurely pop
00:46:12.119 babies out because we get impatient
00:46:14.440 because we have this distorted
00:46:15.640 relationship with time that I'm running
00:46:17.920 out of time which by the way is rooted
00:46:20.359 in Kronos which was the Greek God of
00:46:23.119 destruction chronological time comes
00:46:25.920 from the root Chron
00:46:28.200 so it's interesting that so many people
00:46:29.800 feel like they're always like running
00:46:31.880 out of time and it's like a slow death
00:46:34.160 it's like chyros is Heavenly time or the
00:46:37.760 time beyond that which is there's a
00:46:39.440 right time for the right things there's
00:46:41.280 these Divine appointments like it's
00:46:42.680 Heaven's time there's at the right time
00:46:44.520 it's about timing appointment and so
00:46:47.800 again I'm saying all of this as we think
00:46:49.480 about women and Leadership is really to
00:46:52.400 notice while I've been in this like
00:46:53.920 factory production system that I'm just
00:46:55.599 like okay pregnant pop out idea pop out
00:46:57.760 idea pop out idea I never have time to
00:46:59.280 actually proper nurture anything because
00:47:00.720 I'm like okay get the next thing out
00:47:02.760 imagine if we operated like that with
00:47:04.520 our parenting I think the feminine has
00:47:06.760 such a beautiful ability to hold we're
00:47:09.839 like the holders of Visions we're like
00:47:12.520 the birth or like we give life to
00:47:14.640 Visions we nurture communities and
00:47:17.040 people and Leadership we breathe life
00:47:19.680 into businesses right we breathe life
00:47:22.599 into the structure and we have this
00:47:24.280 ability to multiply things that I think
00:47:27.359 is way greater than the masculin does
00:47:29.960 actually because that's what we were
00:47:31.040 created to do and so I joke about we
00:47:33.359 don't joke about it but it's actually
00:47:34.640 true when we talk about wealth and
00:47:36.680 multiplication of ideas and all of these
00:47:39.720 things I'm like ladies you're the
00:47:40.839 multiplier effect we really are we are
00:47:43.440 the multiplier effect we can multiply
00:47:45.319 people we can multiply money we can
00:47:46.880 multiply but it's how we're doing it and
00:47:49.960 so again just you know am I constantly
00:47:52.079 like if I can just share that with your
00:47:53.359 female audience are you always trying to
00:47:55.920 birth things prematur
00:47:57.680 because if you're trying to birth
00:47:58.839 everything prematurely because you're
00:48:00.160 afraid of missing out or you're afraid
00:48:02.119 that someone else is ahead of you or
00:48:03.640 you're afraid of whatever that thing
00:48:05.800 that you birth is going to take an
00:48:07.240 incredible amount of time energy
00:48:09.800 resource to keep alive you're going to
00:48:12.040 be having sleepless nights you're going
00:48:13.800 to be exhausted it's like a preey versus
00:48:17.160 letting it totally marinate and then
00:48:19.119 when it's time it's like boom it's go
00:48:20.720 time now we push it's time to push baby
00:48:23.400 and then we nurture and so this is like
00:48:26.079 when I work with leaders I like to use
00:48:28.119 these analogies of different stages of
00:48:30.240 what they're working with and also what
00:48:32.000 their body needs at each stage of the
00:48:34.480 game yeah oh that's such a good message
00:48:37.520 thank you for sharing that that was a
00:48:39.079 very good way to uh wrap this discussion
00:48:42.720 I want to hear okay so H people should
00:48:46.160 read someone should read your book if
00:48:48.880 they're looking for what well the book
00:48:51.680 is really written for that ultra high
00:48:53.400 achiever who's been fighting battles
00:48:55.240 their whole life and they are just
00:48:56.440 really ready willing and open to do
00:48:59.240 something radically different because
00:49:01.319 they want they know you know that you
00:49:03.880 know that you know that you're created
00:49:05.559 for a life of you can have success and
00:49:08.480 peace you can have freedom and you can
00:49:11.240 have massive fulfillment in the process
00:49:13.559 so it's really for those people who are
00:49:14.880 ready to get out of their head into
00:49:17.200 their hearts to transcend all of these
00:49:18.880 old programs to drop that's why it's
00:49:20.760 called drop the armor drop the lies drop
00:49:23.520 the mental weight drop the weight of
00:49:25.760 trying to carry everything on your own
00:49:27.520 on your shoulders you were never met to
00:49:29.160 carry the weight of the world and
00:49:30.440 everybody in your organization like drop
00:49:33.240 all of that stuff that you're holding on
00:49:35.040 to out of fear that's really holding you
00:49:37.760 back and really start making the track
00:49:40.280 into this new space so drop the armor I
00:49:42.599 I went through this is the journey I
00:49:44.000 went through and there's 13 chapters or
00:49:46.680 12 steps that I went through that I take
00:49:48.520 clients to what does that even look like
00:49:50.760 what does it even look like to drop the
00:49:52.319 armor and then actually crack open my
00:49:54.680 heart because a lot of us are walking
00:49:57.000 around with a lot of armor around our
00:49:58.520 hearts we're so protective right we
00:50:00.760 don't want to get hurt again we don't
00:50:02.000 want to get wounded we don't want to get
00:50:03.319 rejected we're closed off and actually
00:50:06.200 we're asking for the next opportunity
00:50:08.280 but we're actually closed off to
00:50:09.599 receiving it we want Intimacy in our
00:50:11.720 marriage but we're actually not
00:50:13.160 available for and so I walk people
00:50:15.599 through a whole process of just really
00:50:17.640 softening our heart again and getting
00:50:20.040 rid of a lot of the stuff that's been
00:50:22.280 suppressed and repressed in there so
00:50:23.920 that you can breathe again so that you
00:50:25.319 can be open and receptive and then
00:50:27.079 there's a whole section on really
00:50:28.760 cultivating discernment timing a lot of
00:50:31.640 the things that we talked about today
00:50:33.319 like how do you know what the right
00:50:35.200 thing is at the right time and so it's a
00:50:37.640 process of releasing the past igniting
00:50:40.079 your faith because I do not think you
00:50:41.920 can do this process alone and really
00:50:44.079 stepping into an extraordinary life and
00:50:47.400 extraordinary is is a very commonly used
00:50:49.920 term but it really means not ordinary
00:50:53.960 it's extraordinary it's beyond so I hope
00:50:56.760 that when people look at me or they look
00:50:59.359 at people who've gone through this
00:51:00.480 process they're able to go like man Cara
00:51:02.319 like what what is up with you what are
00:51:04.920 you doing like that's so different and
00:51:08.200 then you get to bring other people along
00:51:10.160 you know so it's for the people who are
00:51:11.640 ready to forge the New Path and that's
00:51:13.839 why I'm really passionate about getting
00:51:16.200 it into obviously it's for anyone I mean
00:51:18.480 everyone's a leader we always are
00:51:20.200 leading ourselves so congratulations
00:51:22.000 even if you're on your own you are
00:51:23.760 leading yourself and some of us are
00:51:25.280 terrible at leading ourselves as why our
00:51:26.839 self-confidence is so low we don't know
00:51:28.359 how to keep promises to oursel but if
00:51:30.720 you of a family I have really heart to
00:51:33.440 get this in the hands of leaders inside
00:51:35.040 of organizations because I think that is
00:51:37.040 really the Church of today I mean people
00:51:38.839 are going to work for 40 50 hours a week
00:51:42.079 that's their Community that's their
00:51:43.680 thing and it's like can you imagine if
00:51:45.760 that's where the PE the place where
00:51:47.160 people go to come alive like really come
00:51:49.400 alive to become more of who they are and
00:51:51.760 it starts with the leadership yeah
00:51:54.000 training people a new way of doing old
00:51:55.880 things I'm so excited to read it okay so
00:51:58.359 when does the book actually come out and
00:52:00.720 then until then how can people find you
00:52:02.920 and connect with you and follow the work
00:52:04.440 that you're doing yay okay the book is
00:52:07.520 officially available for pre-order now
00:52:09.640 it's available on all major platforms
00:52:11.400 but it will drop June 3rd I'm giving
00:52:14.280 away a free chapter the first
00:52:16.559 introduction chapter as well as chapter
00:52:18.559 one called The Perfect Storm which is
00:52:20.400 the Breakthrough moment that changes
00:52:22.440 everything so that's available we're
00:52:24.640 going to share the link it's at the CHR
00:52:26.720 je.com drop it so I'm sure you can share
00:52:30.559 the link with that give everybody the
00:52:32.440 chapter you can buy the book from there
00:52:34.520 I would say that's the first place once
00:52:36.839 you come in we'll invite you into a
00:52:39.040 community we're gonna have a launch
00:52:40.520 party depending on when you guys are
00:52:41.960 hearing this there's a private Facebook
00:52:43.960 Community we're gonna have awesome
00:52:45.000 launch party we're GNA do giveaways
00:52:46.760 signed copies coaching packages like I'm
00:52:49.599 really pouring my heart and soul into
00:52:51.160 getting this message out but that is the
00:52:53.240 first place to just download the first
00:52:55.960 chapter to read it if it lands for you
00:52:58.520 get the book get inside our community
00:53:00.720 I'm going to be doing lots more deep
00:53:02.040 Dives and free trainings and stuff like
00:53:04.319 that on these topics amazing and then
00:53:07.319 where can people find you on social to
00:53:09.599 just get a more of a I think this was a
00:53:11.799 very good introdu to your perspectives
00:53:15.240 on all the topics we talked about and
00:53:16.839 just the type of work and transformation
00:53:18.240 that you can do with your clients but
00:53:20.000 where else can we find
00:53:21.640 you yeah so my podcast is called
00:53:24.319 Breaking Chains It's All About That
00:53:25.680 Breaking Free of a lot of the slave
00:53:27.760 system the things that are keeping us
00:53:29.040 stuck enslaved in the grind playing from
00:53:30.880 behind so that we can really move
00:53:32.880 forward lighter clear it's a lot of
00:53:35.240 perspective shifting so the podcast is
00:53:37.200 called Breaking Chains and then I am
00:53:39.520 also on Instagram and Facebook at the
00:53:41.880 Christine Jewel I'm pretty active on
00:53:43.359 LinkedIn but I would just say first step
00:53:46.280 is really download the book and then if
00:53:48.480 you want to connect with me and you want
00:53:49.599 to learn more you can connect with me
00:53:50.960 through Linkedin or through my website
00:53:52.680 but I'm kind of all over the place but
00:53:55.119 once you get in on that first chapter of
00:53:57.280 the book trust me you'll be in my world
00:53:58.880 I'll be inviting you to all the awesome
00:54:00.440 things incredible okay I will drop the
00:54:02.680 link to where you can download the book
00:54:04.440 in the show notes so that it's easy for
00:54:05.960 everybody to access and I could not have
00:54:08.880 loved this conversation more thank you
00:54:10.359 so much for your time Christine and I'm
00:54:12.160 excited to continue the conversation
00:54:13.920 between me and you oneon-one there's so
00:54:15.760 much that we can talk about thank you so
00:54:18.079 much I appreciate it thank you are you
00:54:20.640 somebody that loves to listen to podcast
00:54:23.799 learn and consume knowledge in general
00:54:26.119 but maybe you find the process of
00:54:28.440 picking those episodes that are really
00:54:30.160 value packed and worth your time and
00:54:31.920 challenging am I right you're busy I get
00:54:34.480 it if that's the case the pod squad is
00:54:37.160 for you every Tuesday Haley and I are
00:54:39.960 dropping in your inbox the absolute best
00:54:42.760 listens for personal development and
00:54:44.960 business podcasts for the week we will
00:54:47.200 even give you the cliff no version so
00:54:49.559 that you can still apply the takeaways
00:54:51.400 and consume the knowledge quickly even
00:54:53.319 if you don't have time to listen to them
00:54:55.040 all to get the sent to you just go to
00:54:58.200 get gates.com
00:55:00.559 subscribe or click the link in the show
00:55:03.720 notes and enter your email address and
00:55:05.680 that's all you have to do you will look
00:55:07.680 forward to this every single week and it
00:55:09.720 will just be your listening cue until
00:55:11.559 the following Tuesday I hope you enjoy
00:55:15.520 [Music]