Unmasked Leadership Part 2: Doing the Work and Asking the Right Questions For Self Understanding with Dr. Jen Blossom

In this follow-up episode with Dr. Jen Blossom, Kara and Jen break down what it looks like when we are uncomfortable being authentic and vulnerable. Sharing their personal stories, they get real on what it might look like when you’re masking and how it can impact your everyday life. 

Jen introduces her process, ‘shed’, for doing the work to become your authentic, unmasked self. Each step of the process is broken down with practical insights and questions to help navigate through them. Jen highlights the importance of always going deeper, and looking inward to discover your true authentic self.

Kara and Jen also discuss the negative impact of tying your self worth to external factors. They explore how learning about our true selves can help us to appreciate our self worth internally. They also emphasize how this is not a one time only process, but involves continuous learning and self reflection during different seasons of our lives.

Haven’t listened to part 1 with Dr Jen Blossom? Listen here!

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Chapters

• 0:00 Introduction
• 1:12 Diving Deep into Unmasked Leadership
• 5:25 Self-Discovery and Shedding Layers
• 9:35 Embracing Resistance
• 15:06 The Impact of Superficial Success on Internal Alignment
• 22:24 Understanding Self-Worth
• 25:31 Unmasked Leadership and Personal Growth
• 27:52 Closing Thoughts
• 29:02 The Pod Squad

Transcript

00:00:00.550 [Music]
00:00:14.000 welcome to the gateless podcast I'm
00:00:15.759 really glad that you're here I'm your
00:00:17.320 host Kara Kayrouz this is where you'll find
00:00:20.279 conversations with self-made women who
00:00:22.840 share their playbooks their tips their
00:00:25.800 actual experiences on the journey to
00:00:28.160 success I also chat with experts and
00:00:31.039 practitioners of mindset stress
00:00:33.520 productivity emotional and mental health
00:00:36.160 because if you're listening to this
00:00:38.079 you're somebody that bets boldly on
00:00:39.800 yourself and you care about optimizing
00:00:42.520 how you feel perform give back love and
00:00:45.559 just move through the world this podcast
00:00:47.800 is here to help you become the absolute
00:00:49.840 most incredible version of yourself in
00:00:51.960 life and in business be sure to
00:00:54.960 subscribe to the podcast so you never
00:00:56.800 miss an episode we really appreciate
00:00:58.680 your feedback and riew VI the only way
00:01:01.359 that we grow right now is from you
00:01:02.920 sharing your favorite episodes with your
00:01:04.959 family and friends on social media so
00:01:07.280 thank you for doing that go do that big
00:01:09.920 cool thing that you've been dreaming
00:01:11.360 about today so why don't we pick up
00:01:15.080 where let's pick up on a couple topics
00:01:17.600 so we started that conversation of
00:01:20.960 unmasked leadership and what it means to
00:01:23.040 be an unmasked leader and how to start
00:01:25.360 being conscious of your the way in which
00:01:29.119 you're leading and operating in any kind
00:01:32.600 of construct where you're leading people
00:01:34.320 and ways in which you can incorporate
00:01:36.320 more authenticity into your day-to-day
00:01:39.360 and your life and with the purpose of
00:01:41.200 incorporating that in your leadership
00:01:42.479 style I feel like you gave so many good
00:01:44.360 actionable nuggets but I want to go way
00:01:47.520 deeper into the how we even get to the
00:01:51.399 place where we're moving through the
00:01:52.960 world with such masks so many masks up
00:01:56.479 and how we even get to the place where
00:01:59.000 we're so uncomfortable able being
00:02:00.880 authentic and vulnerable and why we're
00:02:02.799 doing all this shielding and I had a
00:02:05.880 conversation yesterday like I mentioned
00:02:07.719 to you about how a lot of this is just
00:02:10.360 Based On A Broken Foundation of not
00:02:12.480 having strong self-identity and thinking
00:02:15.680 that we're going to reach this Pinnacle
00:02:18.040 of self-identity once we reach some
00:02:21.319 version of success that we've been
00:02:22.640 chasing I would love to start let's just
00:02:25.560 can we just dig into the foundation that
00:02:28.840 needs to be there and that's commonly
00:02:31.160 like broken or not built on sturdy
00:02:35.040 ground really that gets us in a place to
00:02:37.599 where we're even moving through the
00:02:38.599 world being such a massed version of
00:02:40.800 ourselves in any capacity right well I
00:02:43.800 think Cara that's why this work is so
00:02:45.840 important because we're not taught this
00:02:48.760 we're not taught this and thankfully now
00:02:50.840 I feel like our generation is more aware
00:02:55.040 of emotional IQ we're more aware of
00:02:57.640 emotional health we're more aware of
00:02:59.280 Mental Health it's being normalized we
00:03:01.760 still have a long ways to go but I
00:03:03.720 believe that we're having conversations
00:03:05.239 down with our children in this next
00:03:08.480 upcoming you know this movement of
00:03:11.720 normalizing mental and emotional health
00:03:13.239 and it's it's going to be pivotal in
00:03:15.200 building our kids with a strong
00:03:17.159 foundation and that's like you said Cara
00:03:18.760 where it really comes down to is we
00:03:20.680 don't have a strong foundation and so
00:03:22.799 many of us are entering adulthood with
00:03:25.200 this internal void and we don't know
00:03:27.959 what's missing and so those masks
00:03:30.959 actually act as a shield of protection
00:03:33.080 we're trying to protect ourselves from
00:03:35.680 fear or from anxiety or from these hard
00:03:39.560 feelings that we don't know how to
00:03:41.640 process or move through the world with
00:03:44.120 and oftentimes this can stem from words
00:03:46.640 that have been spoken over us these can
00:03:48.799 be stemmed from things we have caught
00:03:51.280 from culture things we have absorbed
00:03:53.519 from other people and they just become
00:03:55.879 this storytelling narrative that's
00:03:57.599 running on replay over and over over in
00:04:00.200 our mind and then those tracks become
00:04:02.599 our belief and our truth even though
00:04:04.680 they are a lie and so we just tell
00:04:06.519 ourselves that's on replay over and over
00:04:08.239 and over and that becomes our foundation
00:04:10.560 and that Foundation is Rocky and that
00:04:12.239 Foundation is broken and we continue to
00:04:14.560 build these masks on top of that and
00:04:17.040 then we get further and further away and
00:04:18.798 further and further hard to what our
00:04:20.839 true core purpose is and our true
00:04:23.120 knowing of who we are and that's what
00:04:25.759 this whole thing is in regards to being
00:04:27.360 an unmasked leader is taking off all all
00:04:29.840 of that garbage all of that hardened
00:04:32.600 Gunk and getting into the RO of your
00:04:35.800 truth your identity we're never taught
00:04:39.080 that at a young age some of us are but
00:04:41.320 the mass majority are not yeah and so
00:04:44.080 it's reconnecting with that and
00:04:46.240 redefining your truth and redefining who
00:04:48.880 you are and going out there and living
00:04:51.320 that how does one begin to unravel and
00:04:56.960 look at themselves in the mirror and say
00:05:00.360 like who actually am I and am I the
00:05:03.600 person that I want to be or that I feel
00:05:05.280 like I am or am I the person that I felt
00:05:07.080 like I was supposed to be to make
00:05:09.280 somebody proud or that I'm supposed to
00:05:11.199 be to fit in society or whatever it is
00:05:14.960 like how does one even go about that
00:05:17.240 process of taking down the masks and
00:05:19.919 looking at themselves and answering the
00:05:22.280 question who am I without all the stuff
00:05:25.080 I just had to pull up this so I told two
00:05:27.880 lers I told Cara I have a work I'm
00:05:30.039 teaching after this like a really
00:05:31.520 in-depth workshop on becoming an
00:05:33.680 unmasked leader and right in the chunk
00:05:35.600 of this Workshop there's a whole process
00:05:37.520 we walk through of shedding the layers
00:05:39.759 and the acronym is actually shed and it
00:05:42.720 it starts with going in often times Cara
00:05:45.759 We are so quick to going out for these
00:05:48.680 questions and searching for these
00:05:50.039 answers and so we'll go to the latest
00:05:52.240 Retreat we'll go to the latest event we
00:05:55.240 just thirst for all of these self-help
00:05:58.120 books which is fine to a degree but
00:06:01.560 often times what we see is this fire
00:06:03.440 hydrate of consumption and we're still
00:06:06.000 lost and we're still spinning and so
00:06:08.720 what we want to do is we want to go in
00:06:11.720 and we want to go up we want to go in
00:06:13.840 and we want to go up and we have to
00:06:15.280 connect with the greater purpose of our
00:06:18.080 life and our true self instead of
00:06:20.960 looking outwards for that so we got to
00:06:22.759 go in and up and up and so I have some
00:06:26.240 really basic questions that your
00:06:28.400 listeners can begin to write write down
00:06:30.080 ask themselves and do the work this is a
00:06:33.199 steed in a podcast to start to do the
00:06:36.599 work in your own life so this this
00:06:38.759 ironically is called shed and so it's
00:06:41.360 just a really simple acronym for us to
00:06:43.520 go deeper deeper deeper deeper like into
00:06:46.720 the root so each question is me to go
00:06:48.440 just a little bit deeper so I have a few
00:06:50.840 questions within each of these areas but
00:06:52.560 we'll just do one of them for each
00:06:54.560 section and then just really work
00:06:56.080 through that so the S is for
00:06:58.360 self-reflection
00:07:00.000 this is you looking at what drives your
00:07:03.319 need to project Flawless whether it's
00:07:06.960 competence or strength or achievement
00:07:10.080 what is driving that because often times
00:07:12.840 we are so driven to achieve this we are
00:07:15.759 so driven to go after that but we don't
00:07:18.599 know why like what it is and often times
00:07:21.039 it's a feeling like we're going after a
00:07:22.800 feeling and so when you can figure out
00:07:25.720 what's driving your need to go after
00:07:28.319 what it is whether it's to prove
00:07:29.520 somebody or to to to put another notch
00:07:31.440 in your worthiness or whatever often
00:07:33.520 times it's driven by external motives we
00:07:36.639 want to switch that to internal so the
00:07:39.080 first is self-reflection looking at what
00:07:41.639 is driving your current desire for
00:07:45.800 XYZ the H is to honor authenticity this
00:07:49.919 one I love so much because as we begin
00:07:52.560 to unpack the layers we want to look at
00:07:56.000 what is your heart's true desire what is
00:07:59.520 is it that you really really want or you
00:08:02.280 feel really really cold in this life
00:08:04.720 because often times we're going after
00:08:08.479 what we think other people want to see
00:08:11.639 us at or what we think will make us look
00:08:13.680 good or what we think will make us be
00:08:16.479 but when we can take away all those
00:08:18.560 factors what is it that your heart truly
00:08:21.919 wants and oftentimes it's rooted in a
00:08:24.879 feeling so for me it's Joy it's peace
00:08:29.039 it's contentment it's impact it's
00:08:31.199 looking at these deep-seated feelings of
00:08:34.080 what I really want to experience in life
00:08:36.640 and when we can marry that with our
00:08:39.120 mission when we can marry that with our
00:08:41.120 true god-given purpose that is where
00:08:44.399 such a strong Foundation is laid so
00:08:47.680 honor your authenticity what is it that
00:08:50.360 your heart's true desire and we can even
00:08:52.440 unpack that even more by asking
00:08:54.640 ourselves what's currently working and
00:08:56.600 what's not working and often times we
00:08:59.079 can look at at what's currently working
00:09:00.720 as in what habits do I have that are
00:09:02.880 serving me what habits do I have that
00:09:04.560 are pulling me further away a big one
00:09:07.000 with this is what thoughts do I have
00:09:08.760 that are serving me what thoughts do I
00:09:10.399 have that are not serving me and we can
00:09:12.519 get real nitty-gritty with the thoughts
00:09:16.120 running in our mind and begin to list
00:09:18.320 those out and see what's Plain on repeat
00:09:21.839 and most times those thoughts are
00:09:24.880 negative and they're pulling us away
00:09:27.240 from our true north so that is super
00:09:29.959 great for self-awareness and that
00:09:33.360 reflection piece when we go even deeper
00:09:36.760 this is the part where it gets tricky
00:09:38.240 because I feel like most people want
00:09:41.640 this journey to be easy they want this
00:09:43.760 journey to be light they want this
00:09:46.079 journey to be just one of ease and we
00:09:49.760 have to embrace the resistance because
00:09:53.160 we know that anytime we're about to
00:09:55.440 change anytime we're about to shed some
00:09:58.160 layers anytime we're about to move up in
00:10:01.079 different areas of our life and I mean
00:10:03.440 move up in the sense of going deeper not
00:10:06.160 moving up in the sense of going to get
00:10:08.880 another Accolade or going to get this or
00:10:10.720 materialistic things I mean move up as
00:10:12.839 in going deeper within you we're gonna
00:10:16.360 Embrace resistance your brain will go
00:10:19.279 ding ding ding ding ding this is
00:10:21.160 dangerous because this is new and so it
00:10:24.120 has to come from a place of you being
00:10:26.680 able to coach yourself through through
00:10:29.720 this and allow yourself to expect the
00:10:32.920 resistance plan for the resistance and
00:10:35.760 move through the resistance so I always
00:10:38.160 tell clients like you know you can
00:10:40.040 expect it but we don't want to fight it
00:10:41.519 we want to work with it and so a good
00:10:44.440 way to to do this is to ask yourself
00:10:47.800 when do I feel disconnected from my true
00:10:50.320 self when do I feel disconnected from my
00:10:53.279 true self and so often times if we begin
00:10:56.079 to try on these new thoughts and try on
00:10:58.600 these new habits and begin to look at
00:11:00.320 these lies and beliefs that we have
00:11:02.680 believed in our past our brain wants to
00:11:05.519 tell us that well that is true and we've
00:11:07.440 believed this for so long that it's all
00:11:09.720 we know and so that's where you've been
00:11:12.040 able to come back and say hey like I'm
00:11:14.279 holding that space for you and this is
00:11:16.880 what we now believe so it's this whole
00:11:18.639 dynamic of we can expect it and we can
00:11:21.800 gently redirect it and then the last is
00:11:24.279 decide I love this one so much because
00:11:27.519 we are not what our past said says we
00:11:29.720 are not what our past has done we are
00:11:31.839 not what we have done in our past but we
00:11:33.720 are who we are and who we decide to be
00:11:36.639 today and our past has such a profound
00:11:39.800 impact on our story and on our journey
00:11:43.079 and who we become how we choose to
00:11:45.360 become and so looking at that I think so
00:11:48.360 many people myself included can get
00:11:50.680 caught up in identifying with that old
00:11:53.600 version of ourselves that when we are
00:11:55.279 able to Define and redefine over and
00:11:59.279 over again what those core values are
00:12:02.200 and then aligning your daily actions and
00:12:04.320 your daily Thoughts with those values
00:12:07.800 that is the constant renewal that we
00:12:09.839 need to stay focused and to stay
00:12:12.040 anchored and this is a deep process but
00:12:15.480 it's all about self-awareness and again
00:12:17.920 shedding those layers and going deeper
00:12:19.920 and deeper and deeper to figure out who
00:12:22.160 you are and then connecting your
00:12:24.079 thoughts and your actions with that
00:12:26.240 truth and then building that momentum
00:12:28.320 going forward
00:12:29.839 those are great okay so self-reflection
00:12:32.120 honor authenticity what was the third
00:12:34.079 one it was Embrace resistance and then
00:12:37.199 decide yeah Embrace resistance and
00:12:40.000 decide which one of those do you feel
00:12:41.199 like is the hardest for people to do
00:12:43.320 honor authenticity yeah I think so if
00:12:46.560 you don't know if you don't know what is
00:12:49.240 authentic to you it's really hard to
00:12:50.639 honor it totally totally and I think
00:12:54.480 people are afraid to know who they are I
00:12:58.040 know for me like I was afraid to see who
00:13:00.720 that person was because I've ran from
00:13:03.480 her my whole life and so I also think
00:13:07.519 that we have such rooted beliefs in who
00:13:11.480 we've been over the years and who our
00:13:14.199 parents told us we've been or who our
00:13:15.600 friends that we've been or who society
00:13:17.600 says we are that we don't really know
00:13:20.160 who we are and so it can be really scary
00:13:23.639 I know when I had we have a mutual
00:13:26.480 friend who calls like The Dark Knight of
00:13:27.800 the soul and I'm like this is so
00:13:29.160 relevant and I feel like we all have
00:13:31.920 these Seasons where it's like the dark
00:13:33.600 night of our soul where we really are
00:13:35.160 just rocked to our core and I feel like
00:13:37.600 when I had my season I felt so
00:13:40.320 emotionally naked I felt so emotionally
00:13:43.639 vulnerable of being in this space of I
00:13:46.320 have no idea who I am I have no idea who
00:13:48.480 I am and for so long I thought I did and
00:13:51.519 unfortunately like I was pretending and
00:13:53.320 I thought I knew and that's what's so
00:13:55.000 scary Cara is we're in this space for
00:13:57.920 high achieving women
00:13:59.959 and we're really great at putting on the
00:14:02.800 outward front we're really productive
00:14:05.079 we're really driven we're really put
00:14:08.560 together quote unquote put together and
00:14:10.440 on the inside it's really easy for us to
00:14:13.399 lose ourselves in that process and be
00:14:15.560 afraid to do the work to get down to who
00:14:18.480 we actually are and that's why I'm so
00:14:20.519 glad we're having these conversations
00:14:22.160 because when we can reconnect that our
00:14:25.160 truth of who we really are and continue
00:14:27.959 to pursue our god-given calling in this
00:14:30.720 world that's where the magic happens we
00:14:33.160 have been so gifted with this space to
00:14:36.160 be driven and to be women of influence
00:14:39.240 and women of impact when we can do so
00:14:41.440 with a pure heart with our integrity
00:14:43.880 with no shadow of a doubt knowing of who
00:14:45.880 we are on our inside that it changes the
00:14:48.399 world because it it changes our
00:14:50.240 relationship with oursel with others
00:14:52.199 with our work and it's just this
00:14:53.680 incredible empowering movement that I
00:14:57.000 mean I think about this like if we had
00:14:58.519 this 20 30 years ago how different
00:15:00.839 things could be and so it's just awesome
00:15:02.720 that we're having these conversations
00:15:04.320 now it's so true can you paint the
00:15:06.720 picture of what somebody's life might
00:15:09.440 look like when they feel like they're
00:15:11.720 doing all the right things and there's
00:15:15.759 this illusion of success but there is
00:15:19.519 misalignment internally like paint that
00:15:22.240 picture talk about what that looks like
00:15:24.160 feels like because I sometimes think
00:15:25.959 it's hard for people to even recognize
00:15:30.000 wait am I truly aligned and feel totally
00:15:32.079 fulfilled by what I'm doing and where
00:15:33.880 I'm at and what I think are my goals or
00:15:35.680 is this an illusion that I'm building
00:15:37.160 right now yeah yeah this is so good and
00:15:40.720 I think this is where that piece of
00:15:43.079 self-reflection is so important because
00:15:45.319 it is it's so easy k for us to get
00:15:49.120 caught up in The Superficial success is
00:15:51.639 what I call it and I was show this story
00:15:53.839 we had this season in our life where we
00:15:55.720 were the most successful we've ever been
00:15:58.160 on paper
00:15:59.600 and the most broken on the inside and
00:16:02.279 you'll know like I knew in that season
00:16:04.600 something was off because I wasn't
00:16:07.560 feeling well on the inside and I was
00:16:11.000 searching for quick hits of dopamine to
00:16:13.480 fill the void so for me it started off
00:16:17.240 it looking back I'm like oh my gosh I
00:16:18.800 was doing this for years it started off
00:16:21.040 super innocent like watching The
00:16:22.959 Hallmark Channel when my boys would nap
00:16:25.040 to escape my reality and what I would do
00:16:28.079 and I I can't even believe this now
00:16:29.839 looking back like like what a great
00:16:33.360 escape to numb out but also super
00:16:35.519 unhealthy but what I would do care is I
00:16:37.199 would watch the homework Channel and I
00:16:39.480 would totally disconnect from my reality
00:16:41.360 when the kids would go to bed during the
00:16:43.160 their nap time whatever and I would get
00:16:44.639 my computer out to work but also I would
00:16:46.480 pretend that I was in these Hallmark
00:16:49.079 shows and I would pretend like all of
00:16:50.880 these actors were my friends I would
00:16:52.880 pretend like I was actually in these
00:16:55.839 wherever we were at and then the boys
00:16:57.959 would wake up and I would have my fix of
00:16:59.600 like oh I was with my friends today and
00:17:01.160 I didn't even know this I had this
00:17:02.560 coping strategy and so that lasted for a
00:17:05.119 few years and then wow as I struggled
00:17:08.079 more and more and more it's like you if
00:17:09.720 you don't fix what's going on on the
00:17:11.760 inside it continues to build and build
00:17:13.400 and build and then those habits got
00:17:15.599 worse and worse and worse and then the
00:17:18.280 anxiety got scarier and scarier and
00:17:20.119 scarier and then it was the mental
00:17:21.959 Fallout of like I don't know what's
00:17:24.679 happening and I can't even like function
00:17:26.280 in my world but I was and so I never
00:17:28.960 addressed it and so I'm not even sure
00:17:31.160 what the original question was but when
00:17:33.240 we can look back we can see the habits
00:17:35.720 that we've built to numb out to escape
00:17:38.880 what was the original question that was
00:17:40.160 that was a Hallmark Channel tangent but
00:17:42.760 I but I think that's example you
00:17:45.039 answered it that is an example my
00:17:46.960 question was could you paint the picture
00:17:50.120 of what like
00:17:52.160 superficial
00:17:53.720 success looks like and feels like in
00:17:56.039 somebody's life that maybe requires you
00:17:59.559 to take a look and if there is that
00:18:01.760 internal feeling of misalignment or not
00:18:03.600 feeling whole or dissatisfied with what
00:18:05.520 you're actually doing every day where
00:18:06.880 you're trudging towards whatever it is
00:18:08.840 what does that look like and feel like
00:18:10.480 for me I think it was like to a place of
00:18:16.360 I was doing all the inputs of an on
00:18:19.640 paper very good job very successful
00:18:22.919 company all these things and at the end
00:18:25.640 of the day I felt so unfulfilled that I
00:18:28.039 started to feel really
00:18:29.440 at odds with my relationship with my son
00:18:33.280 like I reached this place of burnout in
00:18:36.000 my work and during the day I would feel
00:18:38.440 like oh my gosh this is not meaningful
00:18:40.960 to me I wish I was just hanging out with
00:18:42.480 my baby and then in the evenings when I
00:18:44.440 was able to do that I was like gosh I'm
00:18:46.480 so burnt I'm so tired I wish you could
00:18:48.320 just fall asleep right now and so it was
00:18:50.919 this I was like I didn't like it when I
00:18:52.919 was at work I didn't like it when I was
00:18:54.039 in the evening and I was just not my cup
00:18:56.200 was not full and on paper I had to job
00:18:59.120 that a lot of people would want and I
00:19:01.039 was grateful for it but that was the
00:19:02.720 narrative for me I need to be grateful
00:19:04.720 for this job because it's providing me a
00:19:08.159 wonderful lifestyle and security and all
00:19:10.120 these things but I was very misaligned
00:19:13.840 and broken on the inside with how I was
00:19:16.440 spending my time and energy yes and that
00:19:19.520 translated to me also feeling pretty
00:19:21.600 unfulfilled in the evenings when I had
00:19:22.960 time to spend with my son so it yeah it
00:19:25.360 wasn't and then as soon as I left that's
00:19:28.360 what I need needed to do I needed to
00:19:29.520 leave that job and I needed to take time
00:19:31.200 off for myself heal myself heal my soul
00:19:34.240 have some self-reflection time do
00:19:36.120 honestly all of these steps that you've
00:19:38.080 talked about reflect honor my
00:19:40.080 authenticity and it was like I didn't
00:19:41.520 need to be shameful just because I
00:19:43.280 didn't like that really great
00:19:44.679 high-paying super powerful job that a
00:19:46.799 lot of people have that's I don't need
00:19:48.840 to feel shame about not liking it and
00:19:50.240 not wanting it and right you know and
00:19:53.360 then embracing the resistance of when I
00:19:56.840 felt I was feeling so dis connected in
00:19:59.240 every single moment of my life at that
00:20:01.400 point it was because I was doing
00:20:02.520 something that didn't meaning it was not
00:20:04.320 meaningful to me it didn't fill my cup I
00:20:05.919 didn't feel like I was doing good in the
00:20:07.159 world and that is the most important
00:20:10.000 thing to me and then I just decided that
00:20:12.159 just because I had had a 10-year career
00:20:14.679 in that particular type of tech and I
00:20:17.400 was good at it didn't mean that needed
00:20:19.320 to be my future self and right it was
00:20:21.840 like releasing all of those things that
00:20:23.440 got me to a place of okay I was
00:20:26.200 successful successful but really
00:20:30.039 right and I think that is exactly it and
00:20:33.159 we're all going to have that feeling on
00:20:35.480 the inside and experience a little bit
00:20:37.520 different but your experience is exactly
00:20:40.240 it something felt off and so if we could
00:20:43.880 broaden this and generalize this if you
00:20:46.280 are constantly searching for the next
00:20:48.840 promotion the next this the next trip
00:20:50.960 the next that trying to rush through
00:20:52.840 things for that hit of okay I'll feel
00:20:55.080 better when I get this or I'll feel
00:20:56.720 better when we get this or I'll feel
00:20:58.200 better when him off work and at home
00:20:59.880 it's like we can never be fully present
00:21:01.960 with where we're at now and so that's a
00:21:04.320 huge red flag is if you're always
00:21:06.000 searching for that next little hit of
00:21:08.720 excitement of Feelgood of validation
00:21:11.760 whatever it is that's the first red flag
00:21:13.760 and I know Carol you and I have both
00:21:15.159 experienced this I wish someone would
00:21:17.039 have told me this a long time ago so
00:21:18.559 hopefully for our listeners today this
00:21:20.039 this is not condemnation this is not
00:21:22.240 conviction this is true encouragement of
00:21:25.640 hey learn from our mistakes learn and
00:21:28.240 begin to reflect on this self and don't
00:21:30.520 like you were saying Kira don't shame
00:21:31.919 yourself I know like I have walked with
00:21:34.240 so much shame and continue to have to
00:21:36.240 release that every single day it's this
00:21:38.440 constant renewal until we can get to
00:21:40.760 this point of I don't have to I don't
00:21:42.080 have to carry that I don't to walk with
00:21:43.080 that at this point now where it's like I
00:21:44.640 don't got I don't have shame and release
00:21:46.400 that but it does it takes understanding
00:21:49.240 where we're at if something feels off if
00:21:52.279 you're searching for that next hit
00:21:54.400 you're never content not to say that
00:21:56.400 we're supposed to be joyful and happy
00:21:58.279 and this abundant feeling all day long
00:22:01.200 right that's not what we're after we're
00:22:02.960 human we have brains we have walls the
00:22:05.080 point is you know how to move through
00:22:06.240 them and you don't stay there you don't
00:22:08.279 want to stay stuck in the sad you don't
00:22:09.720 want to stay stuck in the stress but you
00:22:11.120 want to be able to recognize it move
00:22:13.440 through it and then stop running from
00:22:15.640 yourself stop running from your emotions
00:22:17.720 so if you're not if you're always
00:22:19.080 discontent or you have that track plain
00:22:21.919 something is off on the inside how is
00:22:25.039 this correlated to where we get our
00:22:29.159 selfworth because I think I shared with
00:22:32.200 this with you before but after I had my
00:22:35.600 son and I went back to work my brain
00:22:38.200 just didn't feel the same for quite some
00:22:40.400 time and that was the moment that I had
00:22:43.200 no choice but to realize and look it in
00:22:45.240 the face of like oh my gosh I didn't
00:22:46.679 realize how much of my selfworth was
00:22:49.279 wrapped up in thinking quickly and being
00:22:51.760 smart and adding value to conversations
00:22:53.679 and being productive at work and making
00:22:55.559 an impact in a business way
00:22:59.000 that was so much of how I valued myself
00:23:01.880 and that was the moment where I was
00:23:03.240 forced to reevaluate it because I wasn't
00:23:05.440 actually able to contribute at the level
00:23:07.200 that I once was for a while and I didn't
00:23:09.760 expect it had no idea how to move
00:23:13.080 through it and be kind to myself and I
00:23:14.880 figured it out and I'm grateful I had
00:23:16.840 that experience because I can now help
00:23:19.200 others that come after me who are G who
00:23:21.679 go through that so I'm grateful for the
00:23:23.440 experience but it was for more than one
00:23:25.360 reason I want to be able to help people
00:23:26.600 through that but also it was probably
00:23:27.840 the best thing that happened to me in
00:23:29.159 taking a look at myself and really
00:23:31.080 taking stock of how I valued myself and
00:23:33.120 how I got my self-esteem but how is what
00:23:35.360 you're talking about related to taking
00:23:36.799 stock of that too like where are you
00:23:39.200 getting yourself worth from this is such
00:23:41.640 a great question and it's honestly it's
00:23:43.360 like we're born with it right like we
00:23:45.240 are born with purpose we are born with
00:23:47.120 intention we are 100% worthy and I
00:23:50.919 struggled Cara with my worthiness too of
00:23:53.600 that it was tied in external factors it
00:23:56.520 was tied in my work it was tied in my
00:23:59.720 relationships I was a people pleaser and
00:24:02.120 I I craved the attention of others and I
00:24:05.240 didn't know that about myself but I tied
00:24:07.559 my worth into the compliments I tied my
00:24:10.760 worth into the accolades I tied my worth
00:24:13.880 into all that I could prove on the
00:24:16.120 outside yet all although that looked
00:24:19.039 great and it felt great I've never I was
00:24:21.320 never as broken as I was on the inside
00:24:23.720 and so what we have to do to strip away
00:24:25.799 all that junk is understand that when we
00:24:27.559 are born we are
00:24:28.960 100% worthy just as we are and there I
00:24:31.559 also boys this too there is nothing you
00:24:33.320 can do that will make Mom or Dad's love
00:24:36.440 get any bigger or any smaller and it's
00:24:38.720 100% unconditional which means it's like
00:24:40.640 a big waterfall and it never dries up it
00:24:43.760 never goes away and when I talk to my
00:24:46.240 boys like this they're like okay Mom
00:24:48.080 whenever I'm like do you something that
00:24:49.760 says for
00:24:51.520 you but I know they hear it and then and
00:24:54.240 so try to just really embody that for
00:24:56.840 ourselves too that's how our worthiness
00:24:59.240 is that's how God sees us we were
00:25:00.880 created on purpose and our worthiness it
00:25:02.679 never changes there's nothing we can do
00:25:04.520 to make our worthiness get any bigger or
00:25:06.799 get any smaller and when we stop relying
00:25:09.720 on other people to tell us what our
00:25:12.600 worthiness is or when we stop relying on
00:25:14.760 our accomplishments tell us how worthy
00:25:16.480 we are and we know that on the inside
00:25:19.039 like we are 100% worthy no matter what
00:25:21.039 and nothing changes that that truth is
00:25:25.039 so empowering and it'll really help us
00:25:27.559 to just build on that Foundation that
00:25:30.520 Cornerstone yeah isn't it I mean
00:25:32.360 bringing this back to leadership isn't
00:25:34.000 it wild how so many people are put in
00:25:39.679 positions to lead Without Really knowing
00:25:42.440 how to lead themselves or yes knowing
00:25:45.840 how to be a whole person it seems like
00:25:49.039 the most absolute critical thing to
00:25:51.279 being a good leader is knowing yourself
00:25:53.279 and knowing how to lead yourself and
00:25:55.399 leading with like yeah knowing you
00:25:57.880 knowing you and so many people I think
00:25:59.960 most people don't know you and it just
00:26:04.360 seems so crazy to me after really
00:26:07.120 understanding this concept a bit more
00:26:09.000 how ill equipped most of us are to move
00:26:11.480 into the world leading people in any
00:26:13.640 capacity without having done the
00:26:15.600 self-work first right and that's why
00:26:18.520 these conversations are so important
00:26:20.799 because yeah it is it's a bunch of blind
00:26:24.399 leading the blinds and unfortunately
00:26:26.640 like like you and I were both in that
00:26:28.919 season of blind leading the blind but
00:26:31.320 fortunately now we had our moments we
00:26:33.399 were able to hit our rock bottom and now
00:26:35.880 we get to have these conversations to
00:26:37.679 help others so it's not the blind
00:26:39.440 leading the blind because we have to
00:26:41.480 know ourselves and Lead ourselves first
00:26:43.919 to be the most effective powerful
00:26:46.200 leaders we look at some of the best
00:26:47.840 courageous amazing leaders in our
00:26:49.799 lifetime and the first person that comes
00:26:51.679 to me obvious like John Maxwell right
00:26:53.240 and the way he's able to lead others by
00:26:56.440 first knowing himself and leading him
00:26:58.240 self it's just so evident and he's such
00:27:00.200 a great example of that and I don't know
00:27:03.320 his past but it's just like he did the
00:27:05.799 work he did the work on himself and so
00:27:07.679 if we can shave off years of pain and
00:27:11.799 discongruent and lack of integrity and
00:27:14.559 the discontentment of leaders today by
00:27:17.760 helping them align with who they are and
00:27:20.000 understand who they are that's going to
00:27:21.840 change the world of leadership and it's
00:27:23.559 going to help their teams and their
00:27:25.240 organizations begin to really thrive as
00:27:28.559 well it's just it's a whole thing it's a
00:27:30.600 whole thing and it's really cool to to
00:27:32.960 see it is a whole thing it's just more
00:27:35.320 accepting now and more normalized and
00:27:37.640 it's a really special time to have these
00:27:39.520 conversations and the world needs it now
00:27:41.159 more than ever I totally agree I've
00:27:43.640 really enjoyed learning about this more
00:27:45.919 in depth I want to continue learning
00:27:47.600 more about it I so appreciate these
00:27:49.600 conversations with you I want to
00:27:51.039 continue to have them where can
00:27:52.760 listeners go to learn more about your
00:27:55.559 work and just more dig more into the
00:27:58.399 whole thing of unmasked leadership and
00:28:01.039 knowing yourself yeah I would say our
00:28:03.720 podcast is probably the best place to go
00:28:05.240 so the do Jennifer Blossom show over on
00:28:08.200 Instagram Dr Jennifer Blossom and then
00:28:10.039 our website Dr Jennifer blossom.com
00:28:12.080 super original but it's just different
00:28:14.720 modalities of content and conversations
00:28:17.480 Retreats workshops all the things to
00:28:19.399 just unpack the layers of unmasking
00:28:21.679 there's so many layers of it but it's
00:28:23.360 just it's a real beautiful concept
00:28:24.960 there's no rush to it I feel like people
00:28:26.640 can get really overwhelmed with it where
00:28:28.919 do I start and I got to rush through
00:28:30.440 this but there is no rush we have our
00:28:32.120 whole lifetime to work through this and
00:28:34.039 we're going to be working through it our
00:28:35.000 whole life because each season in life
00:28:36.480 we begin to unmask even more and more
00:28:38.159 and more and more it's continual process
00:28:40.039 of shedding and renewal and expansion
00:28:42.679 over and over again that's how we grow
00:28:44.240 it's how we grow beautiful thing yeah I
00:28:45.880 love it well thank you so much for your
00:28:47.399 time and for being here and Ed
00:28:49.080 continuing to educate us on such an
00:28:51.519 important topic yeah thank you cara your
00:28:54.120 your work too is just incredible so
00:28:56.240 thank you for holding the space to have
00:28:57.440 these conversations of course hopefully
00:28:59.399 we will talk again soon we will thanks
00:29:02.240 are you somebody that loves to listen to
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00:29:57.100 [Music]