Your morning routine isn't broken. Your nervous system is.

Your morning routine isn't broken. Your nervous system is. And no amount of green juice or 5 a.m. wake-up calls is gonna fix that if you never dealt with what happened the night before.

We've all got the Pinterest board. The stretching, the journaling, the cold plunge. You try it for three days, and you're right back to snoozing your alarm and cursing yourself out for not being disciplined enough. Here's the truth: it was never a discipline problem. It's a nervous system problem.

In this episode, Rho unpacks what's actually happening in your body when you go to bed wired and wake up already bracing for the day, and walks through three simple things you can do tonight to start breaking the cycle:

1. The specific brain dump. Not "write down your thoughts." Write down the one thing your mind keeps circling. Close the notebook. Tell it you'll deal with it tomorrow.
2. Body before brain. Calm your body first, and your mind will follow. Four count in, four count hold, six count out.
3. Name the unresolved thing. Nighttime anxiety usually isn't random. Ask yourself what's actually underneath it, and just name it. You don't have to fix it at 11 pm.

And of course, Aria Speaks, because our resident Gen Alpha always has something to say. And she's usually right.

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Email address: rho@hold-my-purse.com

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Transcript

Rhonda Nelson (00:02)
What if I told you your morning routine isn't broken? It's your nervous system. And I don't care what you do, no amount of green juice or 5 a.m. wake up calls is gonna fix that if you never dealt with what happened the night before. If you've ever woken up already tired, already irritated, already behind before your feet even hit the floor, stay right here with me.

We've been sold alive that if we just had the perfect morning routine, everything else would fall into place. Girlby, that's that's so backwards. So today I'm going to share with you why that's backwards. And I'm giving you something you can actually do about it tonight. Not next month. Tonight. Hold my purse. Let's get into it.

Welcome to Hold My Purse. I'm Ro and this is the space where we talk about we talk about healing, boundaries, self-trust, and what it actually looks like to stop leaving yourself behind. There's no filters, there's no performance, just real conversation between women who are figuring it out together. Every other week I'm here solo or joined by guests who bring the stories that make you feel

scene. And then there's Aria, our little Jen Alpha voice in a room who who always, always has something to say. And honestly, she's usually right. Now, if this something that interests you, hit that subscribe button so you don't miss an episode. All right, I like to set intention with my episodes with a journal prompt. As you're listening, let this sit.

With you. Where in my day am I already exhausted before anything's even happened yet? Just hold that. We're gonna come back to it. All right, so on the show, I like to keep it real. So real talk. How many of y'all have a whole Pinterest board of morning routines? Go ahead, raise your hand if you do.

The stretching, the journaling, fifteen minutes of quiet before the kids wake up, the cold plunge. Whatever the hell it is, you try it. You really do. But by day three, you're already back to hitting that snooze alarm four to five times, scrolling with one eye open, cursing yourself out for not being disciplined enough to follow through on your Pinterest board plan. Come on now. Like I said, we keep it real.

But here's the thing, it was never a discipline problem. It's a nervous system problem. Because you see, you cannot outroutine a body that never actually calmed down the night before. If you went to bed wired, still replaying that conversation, still running through tomorrow's to-do list, still low-key anxious about something you didn't even name.

Your body never got the memo that it was safe to rest. So it doesn't matter what you do at 6 a.m. You're building a morning routine on top of a foundation that was never still to begin with. So let's pivot for a second and talk about what's actually happening in your body. When you're anxious at night, even if you don't

Even if you don't call it anxiety, even if you just call it my mind won't shut off, your nervous system is stuck in what is called fight or flight. Your body thinks something is still unresolved, so it stays on alert even while you're asleep. I know this one personally. For years this was my problem.

I'm talking wide awake at 2 a.m. Mind just scrolling and scrolling with absolutely no chance of falling back to sleep. So you know what I used to do? I get up and take my butt to the gym at 2 a.m. Because if I couldn't sleep, in my mind, at the very least, I could do something. So I get up, I go work out for an hour and a half.

Come home, shower, and maybe get two more hours of sleep before I had to get up for my day. I know. Fucking insane. Truly, truly insane. And I didn't even realize what I was doing. I was so wired that my body couldn't tell the difference between I need to solve something and I need to rest. So it just kept picking.

Fight over flight every single night. Now when you wake up like that, your body just picks up right where it left off, still alert, still bracing. And that's why you can sleep eight hours and still wake up just frickin' wrecked. It's not about it's not about the hours. It's about whether your body ever actually got the signal to stand down.

So when we keep trying to to fix our mornings, we're in the wrong room. The work isn't happening at 6 a.m. It's happening the night before. This episode is brought to you by Selfcare Shoddy, your go-to for homemade skin products that keep you moisturized, healed, and at ease. Discover these amazing products today at selfcare shoddy.etsy.com.

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Alright, here's what I actually want you to do. Just three things. And I'm keeping it simple on purpose because if it's if it's complicated, I just know you're not gonna do it. All right, number one, the brain dump. But make it specific. Not just writing down your thoughts, write down the one thing your mind keeps circling back to. Just one. Just one. Put it on paper, close the notebook.

Say it out loud. I'll deal with it tomorrow. I know, I know it sounds silly, but I promise you it works. You're giving your brain permission to stop guarding something that doesn't need guarding overnight. Number two, body before brain. What do I mean by that? Calm your body first, your mind will follow.

Not the other way around, trust me. With your feet flat on the floor, one hand on your chest, one over your stomach, breathe in for four, hold for four, and out for six. Longer exhale than inhale. That's what tells your nervous system it is safe. One minute before you even think about journaling.

or reading or whatever you do to wind down whatever that looks like, try that breathing. And number three, name the unresolved thing. A lot of that nighttime anxiety isn't random. It's unresolved grief, a boundary you did set, a conversation you're avoiding. So ask yourself straight up.

What am I actually anxious about? Not the surface thing, the real thing underneath it. You don't have to fix it at 11 p.m. You just have to name it because naming it takes it out of your body and puts it somewhere you can actually look at in the daylight. So here's what I want you to walk away with.

Your mornings were never a willpower problem. You've been trying to discipline your way into peace, and peace just doesn't work that way. Peace is is regulated, not forced. When you start tending to your nights, your mornings start taking care of themselves. Not perfectly, not overnight, no pun intended.

But you will notice you're not white knuckling your way out of bed anymore. You're waking up a little more like yourself. Alright, you know what time it is. It's time for Arya. Up next, Arya speaks. Hi, guess Aria. Welcome back to home by Purse. I went to the mall and I found this.

From the last time I found this little stand there was still squishies and then I got like one and then I came back today and I got two, which was a Ta it was by one game free, right? And then you I had twenty two dollars basically 'cause I was so my maybe gave me extra dollar. So if I was able to buy a scooter and then I got another one for free.

Which was the cheese. And then when I got home, I was just playing with it and it popped all over the place. I got scammed with my money. I earned my money not to get scammed. So next time I will sue them if I have to and it will be bad. And I go call their manager like a carrot. So next time if they go scam me like that, I go sue them and I great.

Them give me a free squishy or else. They could get cooked by me. I will call a mannet or the boss. And they will get so cooked. And they will never work there ever again. And I will be free and I will work there and I'll give my squishy toys and everybody else have the other toys. I got the squishies. So now I have to wait until I come back from a trip to

Get another one And online and you know I can't wait. I have to get it in person obviously 'cause I'm I'm not that tiny child I can wait until like a whole entire two weeks for shipping eat So the next time I go there I'm gonna get whole squeezes that I I will sue them bad. So now I have to re earn money and it's just annoying.

It takes me forever to earn money. How do you earn money? But queen but my mom says all that money is for laundry and I don't have money on me. She doesn't carry cash. It's annoying. Who doesn't carry cash? Who doesn't carry cash? Like it's just not smart. I will always carry cash in my big pocket. Or a bag. But I don't get who doesn't carry cash. But I get over like a hundred dollars when I'm in Michigan or so.

So I don't have to worry about that, but that's not until like September. I had to wait a whole long time just for that. And yeah, I got my hair done yesterday. I got the tippies curled. I got blue, if you can see it's sapphire blue, I think. And then we were gonna get zigzag, but we did it. Well, that's okay. But yeah, that's what happened to my squishy. R. I. P. my squishy. So now I had to buy a new one.

And had to re-earn my knee. So I pay my squishy. Bye bye y'all. When I tell you, my girl was hot when that squishy exploded. I heard this screech. I was like, my God, what's wrong? And she was like, My squishy, it's my money. I had to really talk off the ledge. I was like, well, when you come back, we're gonna go visit that that vendor and we're gonna let him know. We're gonna see what he can do about it.

All right, my loves, let's bring this one home. ⁓ here's some key takeaways. Your mornings aren't broken. Your nervous system just needs you to show up for it the night before. Do your brain dump, calm your body before your mind, name the thing you're actually anxious about instead of letting it sit there namelessly. And remember, that journal prop from the top.

Where are you already exhausted before your day even starts? Sit with that tonight. That's probably where the real work is. If this if this episode ⁓ hit home, do me a favor, subscribe so you don't miss what's coming. Share it with a friend who may need to hear this today, and you know exactly who that might be.

And if you got a minute, leave a review. It genuinely, genuinely helps the show reach people who need it. Now, before you go, take a breath with me. In for four, hold for four, and out for six. You are safe. You are allowed to rest. Nothing is falling apart just because you finally slowed down.

Alright, until next time, my fabulous friends. Stay aligned, stay unbothered, and hold your own damn purse. Peace.