Nobody Prepared Me - An Unfiltered Entry Into Motherhood

Nobody tells you what it really feels like.

In this raw and deeply personal episode, we dive into the side of motherhood that rarely makes it into highlight reels—the overwhelm, the identity shifts, the quiet loneliness, and the unexpected emotional weight that comes with caring for a new life. Nobody Prepared Me is an unfiltered reflection on what happens when reality doesn’t match the expectations.

From sleepless nights and mental load to moments of doubt, guilt, and fierce love, this episode creates space for honesty without judgment. Whether you're a new mom, expecting, or simply curious about the truth behind the transition into motherhood, this conversation pulls back the curtain.

You’re not alone in what you’re feeling—even if no one warned you about it.

Tune in for a candid, vulnerable, and ultimately human look at becoming a mother.

Transcript

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Welcome. You're now listening to the Wealth Within Podcast.

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Hey y'all. Welcome to the Wealth Within Podcast. I'm your host, Lanzia, and every conversation we have here is designed to elevate your perspective and support your growth with no judgment. As I mentioned a little bit in the last episode, I am a mother now. And the golden question of my life lately has been how's motherhood? Every time I get asked that question, there's always a blank that happens in my mind. Because it's so complex that I really don't ever have an answer. And sometimes it's mind-blowing to me in that moment that you haven't learned how to sum this up yet. I don't know, it's a crazy question for me to answer sometimes. I don't know if other people feel like that, but I just feel like it's so much every day from being pregnant nine months to going into labor and then having a the labor time. Like I think my labor was about 15 hours. I don't really remember. I don't really remember much these days, but having experience in postpartum, still in the thick of the postpartum stages, pregnancy, mothering, laboring, all those things are something that is so taboo. Now that I've experienced it, I realize how much people don't talk about everything that goes on. With this being my first child, I really expected peaches and cream. I expected roses jumping through the dandelions on a hot summer day. And it was everything but that not the experience that was amazing and empowering, but the mental load, the emotional load. Nobody tells you or warns you about pre-partum, postpartum shedding, the rage, the irritability, the frustration, losing significant relationships in your life, and you just don't have sometimes you don't have the urge to figure out what's going on because you're pregnant and you're trying to maintain your cortisol levels and make sure you're eating enough. Worrying about is the baby growing everything sufficiently promptly, doctor's appointments is on your mind, all that stuff is on your mind on top of life still happening. You're still what I experienced with women was by far the most outrageous I think that you would ever expect as a pregnant person. You will automatically expect women to be uplifting, to be supportive, just to not play those type of games, you know what I mean? But I experienced the opposite. I don't know, a lot of things shifted for me during pregnancy in a good way. I'm saying in a good way now because I'm reflecting back. In those moments, it felt very overwhelming, very paralyzing, and it felt bad, very ugly, very I don't feel like dealing with this. It's clear, it's a never-ending list of ups and downs I had to experience and make mental note of. I can go more into depth by categorizing my experiences with motherhood thus far by eternal lessons and external lessons. The emotional roller coaster that pregnancy took me on had to be studied because I was going through so much, I felt so broken internally. You could never see it. There was nothing going on externally that was causing me to look sad, look depressed, look like I was stressed. But internally, I was so broken, and I was dealing with all these different emotions with me now worrying about my future, is more heightened, worrying about this process that I'm about to go through, this unexplainable thing that you'll never be able to really describe. So there's that, I'm looking forward to that. The stress just from the world, workplace stress, stress of relationships, and now they're all doing something weird. Everybody's acting weird. I was feeling lonely, I was feeling frustrated, I was feeling left out, but mostly me having to sit and face myself for nine whole months was probably the biggest blessing. Outside of of course having a happy, healthy baby being delivered. What I had to go through with myself those nine months, it really does something to you because you have no choice but to sit and deal with it all. There's no shortcuts, there's no going to have a drink, there's not much going out. People start being overly weird, so you don't really feel like even talking at some points of the pregnancy. But most of all, everything, every internal insecurity, doubt, fear, anxiety, limit and belief, everything that I felt about myself came to the forefront, and I was forced to work through it in this time because I was battling against the thoughts of are you about to pass these habits down to your daughter? Are you about to give up on yourself essentially? Because society says that that's just normal, that's what happens when you become a mom. Or are you gonna fight for what she needs and what you need at the same time being a dual advocate because my fear is still her seeing me not try and be the best that I could be, that she'll take on that habit and take on those habits because it's a multitude of things that make up that behavior, if that makes sense. And I just can't have that. I can't have that type of example being set for someone that I care so deeply about. This little baby that's mine, and I'm in charge of her first perceptions of herself, her first idea of what a self-concept is. I'm in charge of that, and I want to be her role. I want her to look to me and or you know, have some type of internal dilemma, and she thinks about what does mommy do? Like, you know, how does that look when mommy does it? So it became very apparent to me that things needed to change and as much momentum as I had in my life before finding out that I was pregnant, it wasn't enough. And I immediately knew that it wasn't enough. I immediately knew that or I was now faced to admit that even though it feels like you're getting somewhere, you're not getting to where you need to be quick enough because you know exactly what you're what you need to do and what needs to be done, but you're stalling. So what are we really doing here? Clear, and it became clear that decisions were not being made. I was giving myself choices, so I was giving myself the opportunity to slack off if I needed or if I didn't feel like rising to the occasion that day. It took a lot of internal questions, it took a lot of praying, it took a lot of crying, it took a lot of journaling, it took a lot of alone time because I had to dig basically feel like I was just digging at the bottom of my nervous system with no map. I don't know what I'm doing. I thought I was on the part of the map that says you're here, but apparently I'm upside down on the other side, so I was literally trying to find my way, and in a way, it felt like as I was growing her for the nine months, she was birthing a whole new woman. After doing a lot of the internal work and trying to regulate my nervous system all in one, I found that I was struggling with a few deeper elements that may have been holding me back from being my best self now coming over to motherhood. So one of them was understanding God's love. I spent a lot of time reflecting on decisions that I've made in the past, and it really was it was very humbling because when we're living life in the moment, we think that we're as long as we're keeping busy, that we're having motion towards the target of success that we have. But some but for me, I looked back and I seen that yes, I had momentum, but it wasn't complete motion as I would like to have had, and that only was because of the decisions that I was making, maybe the decision to continue to rely on anxiety and fear and not move my ideas forward. And I had a hard time understanding that I had authority somewhere in here. I'm looking for permission for somebody to say, This is your chance, you know what I mean? Looking I'm looking for somebody to say, Okay, well, this is when you make X, Y, and Z decision, and you just don't get that. And there was so many times where I felt that no one had to answer. There's no blueprint for me that I had to lean into God's love to learn more about it, to understand that He He loves me so much that He did not bring me here to fall, He did not bring me here to fail, He did not bring me here to be a bad mom or to set a wrong example for this person that He's entrusting me with. You think that you're doing that, you think that you're trusting God because you're believing in Him, you're saying you're believing in Him, but then it gets in moments like these where you absolutely don't know what you're doing, you don't know what you're about to walk into. How He's showing me His love in my life is through her, through the love of my daughter, that I understand how much He loves me and He loves us more than we can even imagine. That was one way that I was able to learn more about that. I was also dealing with lack of faith, dealing with so much self-doubt and imposter syndrome because at this point I'm realizing that no, you don't have a blueprint. Like I have a I know how my mom was, but I don't have a blueprint for what I envision the type of woman that I want to be in my house, the type of mother that I now want to be, the type of things I want my daughter to experience. I have an idea of what I want to do, but now I'm freaking out because I have the picture, but I don't know the steps. So I was dealing with a lot of self-doubt because now questions are coming up like homeschool or daycare. Do I want to put her in daycare? No, I don't. So you have to make some drastic decisions to be in a position to homeschool her. Like, you feel what I'm saying? It's just like everything is such a serious decision that I just I realized that my decision-making skills wasn't up to par as much as I wanted them to be. But it also gave me an opportunity to get them in shape, if that makes any sense. This episode is not to downplay or bash my experience, it's just to talk about what I was really dealing with. Like I was really dealing with these intensive, complex thoughts, concepts with no outlet, with no understanding. So it was only God that got me through seriously because I don't have the mental capacity to take all of that on at once and how hard it hit you. When you that person, and I feel like I can say this because I know people experience this, like when you're that person in your family that you know is on you. If you don't do what you supposed to do, you know it's not going no further. So you know that you have to be the one to break all these generational curses. If you feel that in your heart, and spiritually, that is a heavy load. Because obviously, we don't have nobody to tell us turn left right here, turn right right here. You have to learn to rely on God Himself. I've I've been in this crosswork road where I've never been here before, so the only thing I can do is pray and wait. You gotta understand how uncomfortable that is for a person who has just been I've been giving myself busy work, so there's always an A, B, and C. I know the steps all the time, whatever it is that I want to do because I make it easy for myself, you know. But when you have a real change that needs to be made because you're trying to set a real example and really get some really get it together, like really get the family in order when you're taking that responsibility on that's something that you absolutely can't do alone. In motherhood, I am learning that there's gonna be times where I feel like this is too much for me, I can't do it. But since I have her, I have to, so it's pushing me to learn and go deeper in the depths of my faith, and how much am I really trusting God? You know, how much am I really surrendering my ideas and my creativity to him? Because whatever it is that I desire, the desires of my heart, he placed them there. So, why am I not leaning in on his promise for me? His promise is that he will fulfill the desires of my heart. Why am I not praying over that? You know what I mean? Why am I not believing that those desires are mine to have and he will provide everything I need to get it? I don't know, but me, I could take the easy way out. But now as a mother, I am required to do it every single day, so that helps me with the self-doubt, even though it still shows up. I still sometimes feel inadequate for all that I dream of. I just feel like I gotta get a little bit more credentials or a little bit more experience or a little bit more, one more class, one more ebook. Like I'm burnt out from a little bit more consumption. I'm so burnt out of it. I'm at a point where I'm learning in order for me not to feel stuck, not only do I have to keep diving deeper into my faith, but also learning that what it means to be aligned with God's plan means that you accept that it'll always be a you'll you'll always be in a constant state of change because nothing is just gonna be linear, and that's something that I I've created a life of straightness. I've opted into. I'm not gonna say I created because the life that I'm creating is the life this is me acting in the unknown. This is me following my steps that are ordered for me. The life that I opted into was go to school, get a job, get another job, get another job, get another job. I'm in a place where that's not acceptable for me, and it's okay. I'm not saying that nothing is wrong with it. I've done that for the last decade, and this is where I'm capped out at. And not only do I not want to repeat that cycle, I don't want to pass that cycle down. So understanding how to make a decision for change has just been critical in that way. Lastly, one thing that I really had to deal with and still is dealing with fear of operating out of my own authority. As I mentioned a little bit before, realizing that there's no permission to be had, there's not anybody standing right there saying, Okay, now you're about to enter the stage of motherhood. This is how you win this next level. No, you're in charge, you're responsible, you have authority over all things that goes on in this chapter. So let's get the head in the game. Let's get the head in the game. But as soon as she came, not that fear went away, but I very clearly and quickly realized that she was my permission. If I ever needed any permission before, she is my permission to go and do and have and be all that I wanna be, have all that I wanna have, you know. Do all the things I want to do because, like I keep stressing it. The example needs to be set from the very beginning. It's not nothing that's negotiable for me. It's not negotiable for me what she sees and how she sees it, what she feels and how she feels it. So God is confirming for me every day through her that she's the reason for the change, and she's exact like that's all the permission that you need. Either you give her what you've gotten and you keep capping out, or you go all out for her to experience past where you capped capped out. I hope this message is coming through in a way that I need it to come through, even though this episode is just reflecting a little bit of my emotional experience with motherhood thus far. This message is for any woman who has taken the responsibility to take care, because taking care of anybody is not easy, and us as women, they tell us that it's our natural ability and it's what we're supposed to do and we're made to nurture, and although that's not a lie, it's not easy, whether it be a child, a sibling, a parent, if you're taking responsibility for them in any type of way, that means you're caring for their mental capacity as well. And this message is for you too. Overall, in my short amount of time, being a mother has been amazing, and it's so fulfilling because women, we are nurturers, but it's so important to remember to take mental time out for yourself and pour into yourself so we can continue to pour out to those that we are responsible for. If this conversation gave you clarity or shifted your perspective, share it with someone who needs it and make sure you're following the Wealth Within podcast on Apple Podcasts and Spotify for more. Remember to be gentle with yourself during this process because you are always becoming.