Survival Traits Are Not Your Identity - Surviving Emotional Manipulation

In this episode, Survival Traits Are Not Your Identity, we explore what it means to heal from emotional manipulation and separate who you truly are from the survival habits trauma created. This conversation dives into people-pleasing, emotional self-abandonment, reclaiming your voice, and learning how to embrace your softness after living in survival mode for so long.

Through honest reflection, we talk about healing from narcissistic parenting, overcoming the fear of being disliked, and rebuilding trust in God after the wounds of an absent father. This episode highlights the importance of setting boundaries, honoring your authenticity, and allowing yourself to grow beyond the version of you that was built just to survive.

If you’ve been struggling with identity, emotional healing, or finding your voice after trauma, this conversation is your reminder that survival mode is not your final form. You are still worthy of love, softness, protection, and peace.

Transcript

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Welcome. You're now listening to the Wealth Within Podcast.

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Hey y'all, welcome back to the Wealth Within Podcast. I'm your host, Lonzea, and every conversation we have here is designed to elevate your perspective and support your growth with no judgment. Have you ever been emotionally manipulated to the point that it started to shape a portion of your identity? I have, and that's a huge part of my constant urge to upgrade my identity, my lifestyle, my mindset, and just life overall. I think one of the hardest things about healing from emotional manipulation is realizing how much of your personality was built around survival mode. Becoming hyper-aware, learning how to be a people pleaser early, overperforming for recognition or validation, emotional self-abandonment, becoming too easygoing, managing tension that's not yours, trying to figure out ways to stay useful, to be appreciated, suppressing needs, and also disassociating race or femininity. The survival traits I developed from having a narcissistic parent started to get disguised as my identity. Little did I know, I got to a point where I questioned who I was really becoming after constantly abandoning myself in order to keep the peace. After developing a clear perspective after over a decade of emotional abuse and trauma, here are some mindset shifts I've been able to adapt to help me be free of continuing this cycle. 1. Learn to preserve your voice through grief. Don't be surprised that you will grieve. You will grieve the disconnection of softness. You will grieve how your innocence is being perceived. You will grieve emotional safety. You will grieve being confused about how to navigate your own authenticity, and you'll probably grieve how early survival mode actually started for you. In these moments, it's so important not to silence yourself because you'll start to do that in life period and not just in that specific situation. And ironically, it's the perfect opportunity to develop the muscle of conflict mediation. Before I realized my silence was a part of a masked identity, I used to say things like I'm not confrontational or constantly repeating that it's okay. When deep down I was on fire with the laundry list of things to discuss. But through the healing journey, a way I've been able to reframe this is by knowing that I am quite literally confrontational. And by definition, that's just me being very direct. That's me not being afraid to challenge others or to be challenged. And I'm more than willing to address any situation head on. That's uncomfortable for some people, but trust me, they'll live. But it will be hard for you to live if you let everything slip and slide all over the place all the time just to protect someone else's perception of you. Because it's really true what they say, you're gonna be judged anyway, so you might as well embrace your truth and embody that wholeheartedly and speak it. Number two, embrace the idea of being disliked. Once you get to the point where you're no longer attempting the above-mentioned personality traits, the people pleasing, always trying to manage tension, overperforming, suppressing your needs, so on and so forth. Oh baby, believe me, you will no longer be tolerated. Embrace that though. Take it as a sign that you're finally aligning with the path that best serves you. For me, this was one of the hardest parts of healing from an experience like this because I never expected to encounter people of the same bloodline dedicated to misunderstanding me, having lies being told on me. For people who were supposed to love me unconditionally, turn their backs on me and label me as crazy. But making it to the other side of self-doubt and feeling unworthy because of it, I was able to fully see the beautiful village I do have without force or overperformance. Those who love me just for being me, those who want me to achieve without wanting to receive, those who take care of my heart because they just genuinely want to see me happy. Those who know parts of my life and never make it a topic of discussion to be amused. That's the reward you get by embracing the idea of being this like your real tribe. Because honestly, as a woman in this crazy world, we don't need another person around us who's unsure about us. Society does that enough. Let everybody choose the side without over-explaining or over-sharing. Show gratitude for the clarity that God gives you when that happens. Which takes me into number three. Never mistake the traits of an absent father for the man upstairs. In any event that you feel lost because someone left out of your life, especially your father, look at it as an opportunity to connect deeper to God instead of turning away. This was something I struggled with for years. I didn't even want to pray because I felt as if God sent me the type of man in my life to be my father, and he already knew his capacity to protect and provide. I really felt like that at a point in my life. I felt like I was being punished for something. Like, is this some type of sick joke? Am I being punked? But seriously, I really felt like I was being punished for something I had no idea what was going on. And I feel like it was no point of praying because he the one who's he the one who's letting it happen. Like God knows everything, you know, and I was feeling as though I was still end up disappointed. Which in turn made me feel alone, and that made me think I had to be self-reliant because the person who is supposed to protect, provide support, not the person, the man that God sent me. So in turn, I was looking at this earthly father to must be replicating the traits of our heavenly father, which of course was all a part of the enemy's plan. And that's why I believe it's so important to do the inner work and really heal from our trauma because it really does a disservice to continue those cycles, and that's why in this season, I'm really working with myself still to be more open and transparent on the podcast because I understand now what a testimony is and what a testimony can do. So bear with me, y'all. It's important as women, as children, the daughters of God, to know his ways aren't even comparable to men. He listens to us, he loves us unconditionally, he fights for us in this battlefield of life, he cheers us on, and he will never forsake us. It's okay to reclaim our femininity and softness back after being in survival mode for so long and just manhandling life. Quite literally, manhandling life. It's okay to be bold and courageous in life even without the felt protection of a human father because our father in heaven's hand is the most powerful of them all. I really want women who have experienced an absent father to know that we do not have daddy issues and we can send that idea and the title back to hell where it came from. We do not have to carry the traits of a broken girl in this world. We do not have to agree to the idea that every man that we will encounter will do the same to us. We are not angry for no reason. We are not disrespectful because we choose to use our voice, and we are not crazy because we choose to set boundaries. We are loved and accounted for. We are protected and already accepted by the best father a girl could even ever ask for, our father in heaven. And after all that emotional and mental hard work of overcoming, you will now have space to forgive with a pure heart. Because we always want to remember that forgiveness is for us. We cannot be held accountable for judging anybody's process just as we wouldn't want anybody judging our own. And I know the pain really does hit different when you're dealing with this type of situation and trying to heal from a parent, but it's very much necessary to allow yourself to sit in what you are feeling and give yourself the time to work through these emotions because they're heavy, deep wounds. But you know, we are at a point in our growth journeys where we don't want to hinder stepping into our next level because of the wounds that we won't talk about or the wounds that we won't confront, and we keep them hidden because it seems taboo to deal with. If this conversation gave you clarity or shifted your perspective in any way, share this with someone who needs it and make sure you're following the Wealth Within podcast for more. And remember to be gentle with yourself during this healing journey because we are always becoming.