Chelsea Barbine (00:05)
Hi mama, welcome back to the Postpartum Better podcast. Today's episode is part of the Pregnancy Diaries series where we're diving into an update on my own pregnancy journey with baby number two. If you've been following along, you know I'm all about sharing the real sides of postpartum. And the same goes for pregnancy. Because let's be real, we've got enough apps telling us about the baby size and fruit terms. So the Pregnancy Diaries is meant to fill the proverbial gap

on the stuff that those apps don't cover. The emotions, the mental prep, and what's really going on behind the scenes. Now, full transparency, this episode was a little delayed in its recording as week 21 was, well, guys, it was a lot for me. Rest assured, everyone is healthy and safe. I just needed to take some time away from the series of events for

this recap to actually be in service to you.

During week 21, we, I say we as in, know, myself and Colin and Frankie and the baby, we faced a situation that brought up some real challenges, both logistical and emotional around traveling, specifically while pregnant. Maybe you've been there already.

you know, trying to balance the needs of your immediate family, which when we're talking here, I would say immediate family being myself, my husband, my children, with the expectations of extended family while also dealing with the physical and mental changes that pregnancy brings. And, you know, it can be a lot. So,

Today, I'm gonna share a story about a trip that my family and I planned that did not go as expected. And really what it taught me about boundaries and priorities and just making tough decisions, especially while pregnant. I'll also get into some practical tips to help you decide whether or not travel is the right move for you while expecting.

and I'll share some important safety information about flying and driving while pregnant. whether you're currently pregnant or just looking ahead, this episode is packed with insights to help you navigate these tricky decisions. Let's dive in.

So for a little bit of background, I primarily grew up in Michigan. I say that. It's like, you know how like everyone, everyone always says, you know, like we have our unique story. It's true. And this is no different. I have shared in previous conversations, especially I feel like this, goodness, going through something similar.

truthfully like a whole year later, now I'm thinking about it. I grew up with parents who were divorced and my mom is from Michigan and my dad was from Pennsylvania. My mom and her side and my sisters all still reside in Michigan, with the exception of like a couple. And my dad's side resides in Pennsylvania. I moved to Pennsylvania.

Like literally the day after I graduated. And while there were definitely moments and yes, plural, plural moments, multiple where I thought I was moving back to Michigan after I graduated college, I ended up not. And here I am. It's like, it makes me feel so old to say this, but like here I am over 10 years later, still here. And

I ended up meeting Colin. We started our own family and have no plans of leaving. However, I will say I'm very close with my mom and my sisters and I and loved ones that are still out there. You know, that's not just saying like them. It's, know, my extended extended family and I still have friends, you know, who are out there.

And it's important to me that we maintain a relationship, which includes not only always having space for them and welcoming them to come visit us and be part of our lives out here, but for me to go home and visit. especially now, you know, even though it's much more challenging since growing a family to get out there, it's so important for me to share

essentially like my childhood with Frankie. And I ensured this, like I said, like, my gosh, almost a year ago now, how it has been tradition for me to spend Thanksgiving out in Michigan. That's my mom's holiday. Like I now would say like my holiday, you know, with my mom's side of the family, you know, in relation to like my immediate family, you know, like Collin's side gets

Like he has his holidays, you the times that we spend with his family. And anyways, Thanksgiving has always been my mom's. And that's truthfully been, I don't really know what I did before, like Colin and I were together, but knowing that, you know, my parents were divorced and my mom was out of state, it was just already something that I was thinking of when we were dating. like, as silly as that might sound to you guys, but.

I was just trying to avoid like four Christmases, okay, which I'm pretty sure is right around the timeline in which it was like released. If you have divorced parents, you totally know what I'm saying. Anyways, Thanksgiving has been my mom's and last year, as I shared in a previous episode, I think it's called like Breaking Tradition or something like that. The reality of Breaking Tradition. Highly recommend listening to it, by the way. It's super juicy.

we decided not to go last year. And that was more from like a personal standpoint and, you know, shifts and changes that were happening in our dynamic and changes with career and resources. And this year, we will not be going either because of the timing in which we are expecting our second. Now,

I will say, while the reasoning this year is one in which we are so overjoyed to be the case, and one would assume that for any reason, this would be the best reason to be missing a holiday, it's still sad. It's still hard to be missing yet another Thanksgiving out there.

with my mom and them. And when we had shared our exciting news that we were expecting, I could tell that that was in the back of my mom's mind, and even for my sisters. I'm sure that they knew, you know what I mean, the timing of it. And it had eventually come up, well, I guess you guys aren't going to be coming out for Thanksgiving, huh? And we were like, no, probably not. But that doesn't mean that we won't.

see you guys. Of course we will. We had just seen them in Florida in March for spring break. My mom was planning to come out for Frankie's second birthday. She also tends to come out throughout the month of October, so we had talked about that. And the biggest, I'll say the biggest challenge was seeing my sister Val and of course our extended extended family.

But it wasn't something that like the moment we found out that we were pregnant that I was like problem solving for. Like no offense to anyone. I was like, well just, we've got so much time, so much can happen. And we found ourselves, know, come Frankie's birthday, having a great time. You know, we had family in town, but we didn't get to see my sister. And she had asked me if we, I should say my sister Val, she'd asked me if we were planning to.

come out at all before the baby had come. And she totally understood that Thanksgiving was probably too close for comfort, but just throughout the idea of maybe we could come out another weekend. And quite honestly, you guys, I didn't even think of it. And I feel awful for saying that, but I just, hadn't. We had such a full summer, a lot of back and forth. And I don't know, it just felt like...

We had done so much traveling. But we ended up landing on Labor Day and was so excited. It was going to be a longer visit, like probably the longest trip home that I would have had. And we

we find ourselves getting to the day. it was, I don't know, I wasn't necessarily worried about traveling or getting there. It was just more so all the things that were happening at once. mean, listen to last week's reflection, week 20. We had so much going on, you guys. I wasn't really in the mindset, I think, of traveling until like...

the day that we were traveling. And even then it was a full day. Like I had a pelvic floor appointment. Like Frankie, I was on the phone with another like school, like the head of her new school. Like we were just navigating all that and the contract of her existing one. And I was switching OB offices and just a lot happening all at once. And by the time we got to the airport, I just look at Colin, I'm like, I'm just so excited to get there. Like just, just be there, enjoy the trip. And then like enjoy the huge exhale of like what

just happened, you know, over the past few days. And let me just tell you, it did not go as planned. If you follow me on Instagram, you may have seen a story post asking for help on how to keep a toddler occupied while on the plane. You guys, a flight to Michigan is an hour and 15 minutes. Like it's like crazy quick, okay?

which is why we have always opted to fly with Frankie. It's about a nine plus hour drive, pending traffic.

We sat on the tarmac for three hours.

Philly is notorious for delays, okay? Do not get me wrong. It is an awful airport to fly in and out of. We are always, always, always delayed. However, I have never experienced a delay like that. And we opt to fly during times in which are best for like Frankie to sleep. So we're either like super early in the morning, sometimes like,

We've done afternoon, but we never really know what is going to happen with that. That happened on our flight to Florida, I want to say, the last time. Maybe it was the first time we flew down. I remember she didn't really sleep. It was a challenge. But this was the first time that we flown super late at night. And here we were at 9 o'clock at night. She's still awake. She normally goes to bed around 7.30, 8 at the latest.

and we're sitting there they're telling us it's gonna be another hour. it, thankfully, as weird as it sounds, thankfully it wasn't Philly's fault. It was the surrounding areas and weather. And as a result, everyone was being filtered from like one exit to the other. And we were like 27th in line. And I'm like looking at Colin, I'm like, what the fuck? Like, you've gotta be kidding me right now. There's no way, there's no way.

I'm texting my mom and my sister. My mom is the one who's gonna be picking us up. We're staying at my sister's house. my God, I'm on the phone with them, calling of course, and I are like, this is it, we're done traveling, forget it, we'll see you guys next March in Florida. Which in hindsight, you guys, was not perhaps the best joke or the best thing to say.

in all reality, hence why this episode is being recorded later than like the week of, because emotions were high. We ended up not taking off, apparently by law after three hours. This is what we heard. I did not fact check this, full transparency. By law, after three hours,

passengers have to be presented the opportunity to de-board or not or de-plane. We actually found ourselves not even in that situation to be given the choice. The entire plane was de-boarded or de-planned and the reason I can only assume is because one of the pilots, they said like the first officer or whatever, had hit their time and we get off the plane.

and I go up to the desk and I'm just trying to ask, as are like hundreds of other people that were on the plane, like what's happening? The manager had shared, like the gate manager had shared that they need to find another pilot and they're not sure where one would come from, if they will. And as a result, this flight is just pending. It could either be delayed and it could take off in a couple of hours or it could be rescheduled.

for tomorrow or could be canceled in its entirety. To paint the picture for you, it's 11.30 PM. Thankfully, Frankie's like half asleep, but we're standing at the gate in the Federal Airport. Nothing is open.

There's no access to additional food besides whatever we had left, right? Which we were on the plane for three hours. Like, you know, we're feeding her, feeding ourselves. Like I'm pregnant. I mean, water was like an issue. Like it was just, I mean, I'm sure, I guess we could have found like a water fountain, whatever. But like point being is no end in sight. And we ended up hearing, we had requested the car seat thinking like, okay, well, let's just get the car seat. You know, my mom's texting like,

Let me get you a hotel. You can stay there. Just wait for the flight to reopen. Please, don't leave. Please come out. We want to see you. Da-da-da-da. And I'm looking at Colin. He's asking the guy, can we get the car seat off? He's like, sure. But I got to get someone over here to get it off for you. It was just long story short, we ended up leaving. My father-in-law came back down to get us. Thankfully, we had asked to borrow my mother-in-law's car seat.

for the trips, then we didn't have to take ours out because then we would have been without a car seat completely to get Frankie home. But we pulled into our garage a little after one o'clock in the morning and needless to say, jumping in the car on Friday, nor trekking back to Philadelphia airport on Friday with dozens of other flights that had been

rescheduled, delayed, whatever, canceled, postponed, and like thousands of other people being affected by this was like far from inviting. And I share all of that to really highlight.

And I share all of that. Honestly, not even as that being the challenge or the issue. The real challenge came in because my extended family was expecting us. And they were so excited to see us, especially our daughter. I mean, don't get me wrong. Of course, my family wants to see me, and they love Colin. They want to see him too. But with kids, that's where the excitement is.

They want to see her. I couldn't have flown up on them. They would have been happy to see me, of course, but they would have been disappointed. Where's Frankie? And I felt this huge pressure to somehow make it work and not disappoint them. But at the same time, after the night that we had, and quite honestly the week leading up to the unfolding of the non-flight, and then waking up to a bunch of text messages,

It was just, I was extremely overwhelmed and had zero desire of taking Frankie back down to the airport, going through all of that again. Like I literally sat not moving for three hours while 21 weeks pregnant, which in the grand scheme of things, like I could have been 30 weeks pregnant and then I'm sure it would have been a lot harder.

But I was also battling the challenge for myself of feeling like this is too much for me. And it was hard to admit that. I was torn. On one hand, of course I wanted to see my family. And then on the other hand, I also needed to realize that my immediate family, my husband, my daughter, myself, and like

this baby, like we needed something different and we needed to prioritize our wellbeing.

And I know that this is something that I'm not alone in. It's the reality that since becoming a mom, my relationships have gotten much more complex.

you know, suddenly we're trying to balance multiple roles, you know, a wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend, coworker, et cetera. And...

It can be so extremely hard to figure out where to put your energy and who gets your attention. you know, the hard truth is that...

And it can be so hard to figure out where to put your energy and who gets your attention.

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It's not easy. And I will say while this is controversial, especially still in my family right now, I am appreciative for practicing, you know, hitting the pause button and truthfully practicing, like tuning into myself and what I need.

to make the decisions that prioritize my well-being, even when that is in conflict with others, especially now being pregnant.

Which I feel like this question in general, is it even safe to travel while pregnant? That comes up a lot. And I think, I don't know, again, to each their own. But I think basically,

which quite honestly brings up something that I think a lot of people wonder, which is, is it even safe to be traveling while pregnant? I think, again, everyone has their bio-individual needs, and we need to honor what is best for us, knowing that it may not necessarily be best for another. But...

In order to do that, it's important to know what your options are and what precautions to take.

focusing on this specific story of flying, according to the American College of

obstetricians and genealogists.

According to the American College of Obstetricians and Genicologists,

IANIT Genie Ecologist.

genicologist, and genicologist, flying is generally safe during pregnancy, especially any time before 36 weeks. But there are a few things to keep in mind. Probably the most obvious is that longer flights can increase your risk for developing deep vein.

deep vein thrombosis.

deep vein thrombosis or DVT, that's like a mouthful guys, which is essentially one of blood clot forms in your legs. To reduce that risk or to lower it, it's important to make sure that you're staying hydrated, you're moving around as much as possible, maybe even wearing compression socks if recommended by your doctor.

Aside from the medical society, airlines also have their own policies, which you would need to look into per the airline in which you're flying. Some may not let you fly in later stages of pregnancy. So all in all, it's best to just check in with them and your health care provider. As for driving, it's also generally very safe. However, long car rides can be

super uncomfortable. Again, thinking about sitting for long periods of time, it can cause swelling in your legs. And honestly, just being in one position for too long while pregnant is tough, right? And thinking of literally about being in the same position for three hours on the tarmac. I was constantly switching my legs. I was holding Frankie. She was sleeping on me for probably the second half of that. It's a lot.

Experts would recommend, you know, on longer car rides, like taking a break every couple of hours to stretch, walk it out. Also, which I was really surprised by finding, studies actually show that pregnant women in their third trimester are at a slightly higher risk of being involved in car accidents. So don't know how or why, but just thought that that was interesting to throw that out there. All in all, though, like extra caution is just

always a good idea. So in general, like, yes, travel can be safe. It is safe. It's just important to weigh the pros and cons to making sure that you are feeling the most comfortable and supported. And even like you guys reading that, you know, flying is considered to be safe anytime before 36 weeks, like I'm not comfortable flying like as of October.

like as at the start of the third trimester. So there is zero judgment here to each their own, your body, your choice, which really leads me into the importance of knowing how to make the best decision when it comes to yourself and really like just acknowledging that like every pregnancy is different and what works for one mom like might not work for another, which I think is

perhaps like my biggest struggle, you know, in having the conversation with my own family. Like, I know that others have chosen, you know, differently for themselves during pregnancy, not just in travel, but let's be real, in like much broader strokes of caring for their little ones and, you know, just life in general. But truthfully, you know, I say this like very lovingly.

Everyone has the right to make the choice for themselves. And ultimately at the end of the day, like you are the one who has to live with your choice. However, I will say first things first, like always check in with your healthcare provider. They're going to know your unique situation better than anyone else aside from yourself. And if you have any complications like high blood pressure, gestational diabetes, history of preterm labor,

Advice against travel. Secondly, I think in addition to acknowledging how you're feeling and weighing in your medical history, involve your partner in the conversation. I knew it wasn't just me traveling. It wasn't just me and Frankie. It was me, Colin, and Frankie. And I wanted to weigh in his thoughts, his feelings, his needs at the same time.

Thinking about them and what we went through that evening and deciding to travel the next day, it wasn't in our best interest. I think if extended family is involved, in my case, it's appropriate to communicate with them very openly, but also as kindly as possible. Let them know where you're coming from and what your limits are.

and remember that your comfort and safety should come first. That's not to say that you won't be met with.

opposing opinions. But just as I said, you know, at the end of the day, it's your choice and they may not totally understand, but they do have to accept it.

If the idea of traveling feels more stressful than exciting, it's okay to just put a pin in the plan and trust your gut.

Now I know that that's always easier said than done. Trust me. This is still very fresh. And I know it can feel really hard to say no to family or to change plans that you were really excited about. But here's the thing. Very bluntly, saying no to a trip

or altering plans doesn't make you any less of a good daughter, a sister, or friend. Quite honestly, it makes you someone who's taking care of herself and her baby in her immediate family. It's OK to prioritize them in your own well-being, especially during pregnancy.

This was, and I say this like truly like so, so tenderly, like so lovingly, because I know that this is very hard for moms to hear. And I say like moms as in like our moms, right? And it, I know one day it's gonna be so hard for me to think about this with Frankie and like our second, like our hope is one day that they move out and start their own lives and their own families and.

And realizing that me and Colin aren't their priority or their first concern, that's going to be hard. don't we want that for them? You know what I mean? I don't know. There's a whole other rabbit hole I could go down with that. But I'm going to just put that pin right in there and make a mental note I should do another episode on.

Why it is so important to have your own identity outside of your children. All in all to say that if you're on the fence about travel,

All in all to say, it's okay to make the best decision for you. So if you're on the fence about travel, very long windedly, how's that for a week 21 recap? Morning, you guys. I hope this episode has given you a little bit of clarity. Sometimes the best trip you take is the one that involves staying home and

making space for like rest and rejuvenation. I will say our Labor Day weekend, while it was completely different than we anticipated and Friday was filled with a lot of tears and hurt and sadness and overwhelm.

It was, it truly was the weekend that I think we as like a family unit needed. and I'm hopeful to, you know, reschedule another trip and it's going to be even better, truthfully. All right, mamas. That's it for today. I really hope that this conversation helps you feel more confident in making the right decisions for you when it comes to traveling while pregnant. we are.

Truthfully all balancing so much whether this is your first your second your third your fifth. I don't even know But just remember that taking care of you It's not selfish. It's it's truly it's selfless. It's essential.

Thank you for joining me for this episode of Postpartum Better.

If you’re inspired by this conversation to help yourself or another mom navigate life after birth, take a minute to leave me a review for me on Apple Podcasts and share this episode with someone who could use the virtual hug! 

The health and happiness of the world resides in us mamas and I’m so proud to be doing postpartum better with you. Until next week! With care, Chelsea.