chelsea barbine (00:00.206)
Hi Mamas, welcome back to the Postpartum Better podcast. While today's episode is a special release for the Pregnancy Diary series, I like to believe that I'm sharing a practice that is honestly supportive for all relationships, whether you're pregnant or not. It is mid-September here and we are officially in that shift to fall mode.

You know what mean. The days are starting to get shorter, the schedule feels fuller, and the whole family is leaning back into routines. And I don't know about you, but for us, especially at 24 weeks pregnant, this shift has been both cozy, hello football, sweatpants, and chilly season, and a little chaotic. With the recent increase in both work commitments,

and pregnancy demands, Colin and I are working extra hard to stay in sync, especially with the toddler in the mix this time. And honestly, it's taken a lot of intentional effort, which is what I wanna talk about today, staying connected and supportive as a team, especially during these full seasons. Don't get me wrong, we're definitely not perfect at it, but the simple check-in that I'm going to share has made a huge difference for us.

So if you're also navigating the balance between work, family, pregnancy, and self-care, I hope this episode gives you a few ideas.

chelsea barbine (01:38.504)
Welcome to Postpartum Better, the go-to podcast for expecting a new mom's navigating life after birth. Hi, I'm Chelsea Barbine, wife, mama, yogi, postpartum health coach, and your new mama friend. Together, we're covering topics like postpartum recovery, maintaining your mental and emotional health, finding your identity as a new mom, and rekindling your relationships. Get ready for expert tips

actionable advice and heartfelt conversations with other moms who just get it. The health and happiness of the world resides in us mamas. It's time to postpartum better.

chelsea barbine (02:23.616)
Alright, let's get real for a minute. When you have kids and a busy schedule, which I feel like that's just life, right? It's so easy to fall into that roommate mentality with your partner. You know, like you're coexisting, managing logistics, but you're not necessarily like connecting, like

really connecting. And I'm not talking about sex. like, I mean, like, having intentional, very focused conversations. And as much as I was, I don't know, like, maybe naive or hopeful that it wouldn't happen to me, like, I think that's just what happens when life gets full. But here's the thing.

I have found at least in my own relationship that when we aren't making time to connect and communicate, that's when it leads to the feelings of isolation, resentment, and just plain old feelings of overwhelm. And I find that when Colin and I aren't on the same page, personally, I'm sure he does too, but I don't want to like speak for him. Personally,

I can start to feel like I'm carrying a lot alone and even more so while being pregnant. I have found that it just, it builds, it builds very quickly. And as hard as it can be for me to admit and as hard as it can be for me to admit, I just like, any more support. But if he and I aren't communicating, he doesn't always know that and vice versa.

So a while back we started this thing that we now call like our Sunday night check-in. And I want to say, like I want to tell you, it's like at this set time every week when we sit down, it's distraction free and we just touch base. But truthfully, only two of those things are true. We sit down, distraction free and we touch base. But...

chelsea barbine (04:47.53)
life with a toddler, it's not always a set time. It's typically, you know, shortly after Frankie goes down for a bed, sometimes I'll hop in the shower, just kind of like rinse off the day like, whoo, okay, we come together. But it honestly has made a huge difference for us. And I can't help but think that it would be a game changer for others too. So every Sunday, ideally, once Frankie is down for the night, sometimes

We have a couple of interruptions per the monitor. Colin and I will sit down together on the couch, no phones, no TV. Again, ideally no interruptions, but life. Which I'll be honest, like even aside from sometimes getting interrupted if like Frankie needs something, whether it's like her foot is no longer under the blanket or she dropped her pacifier or...

what have you. Having it totally distraction-free is key. The first couple of times we did this, the TV was on in the background, or one of us would have our phone nearby, we would check it, starting off just looking at the calendar, prepping for our conversation. And then before you know it, we're in a text thread or we're kind of scrolling.

And when that happened, like when that was the case, the quality of our conversation, it honestly like, this is gonna sound harsh, but it was night and day different from when we've been like fully all in. That all being said, if like Sunday night is not ideal for you, pick a different day or pick a different time to do this. But basically like during the...

the Sunday check-in, we go over the basics, like what's coming up for us each that week, what's coming up for Frankie. We'll kind of share like when we're feeling stretched and how we can support each other. Whether that's, you know, the one who is feeling the overwhelm is making the request or the other offers like, you know, how can we best support? For example,

chelsea barbine (07:11.51)
If I have a bonus call during the week or he's going into the office for meetings, we'll talk about when he can step in for extra parenting time or when I might need a little bit more rest after managing more around the house and with Frankie Solo. And I'll share. These check-ins, they aren't necessarily about solving like

every problem or every task like right then and there. It's more, I would say like the intention is more about just hearing each other's needs and making a plan together. So we're both clear on what the week is going to look like before we are in like in the nitty gritty of it all. So even if we're not addressing like every single detail, just

Big picture, knowing what each other is going on and sharing how we're feeling about it and what's coming up. It just, it helps a ton. So we've been doing this for, I don't know, like maybe a couple months now. I don't know, like time, guys, time is a blur. And I will say when we first started, like it was probably like more quote unquote formal. Like not that we were like sitting at the dining room table or anything or like with a notepad, but like

I did have a list of questions on my phone that was kind of like helping to guide us to make sure we covered things. But if you're thinking about trying this with your partner, doesn't have to be like this big ordeal. Just start simple. mean, even 15 or 20 minutes truthfully can make a difference. You can set a timer if you need to or just.

allow one partner to like go first and run through all of the prompts. you don't have to cover everything. You know, maybe you just ask one or two questions to kind of like get the ball rolling to start that communication really depending upon where, you know, your relationship is at when you start practicing this. maybe you start off by just asking what's something that, you know, they would like from you this week or

chelsea barbine (09:30.722)
What's one thing that they're looking forward to? The check-ins themselves don't need to be like a huge, like, I don't want to say commitment because like, they need to be consistent, which is a commitment to each other, to your relationship. They don't have to be like a big ordeal. Overall, what we have now like naturally found to be the main things that we cover are the upcoming schedule.

Like, truthfully, looking at the calendar for the week, is there anything special or unexpected? Again, like, am I, you know, hosting a bonus call for the Cultivate crew or am I in a launch week? Do I have any podcast interviews outside of my normal recording schedule time? Is he in the office? Are there any overnights, any dinners? You know, do we have book clubs or events with, you know, friends, family? Does Frankie have anything special going on?

I will say, and this is kind of like a little, a pro tip, if you haven't yet discussed meals for the week, come this point, if you're doing it on a Sunday night, I highly recommend sneaking this topic in. In an ideal world, we've already covered it earlier on a Sunday and like we've done the grocery shopping together, but there are times when like I like to go grocery shopping with Frankie throughout the week. She loves to go grocery shopping. It's something fun to do, like together.

So if we haven't done it as a family, I will make sure that we go over like what the meals are. It's already prepped. I know what I need to buy at the store. It makes the shopping trip just way more seamless and truthfully come like the four o'clock hour every day. I know what I'm making for dinner. In follow up to like the schedule, we always cover support needs. So that really lends into like whether it's

work or personal plans, how can we best support each other? And maybe that's something as quote unquote little as like checking in throughout the day if Frankie's been a little bit more challenging that week or we're feeling overwhelmed with work, like sending, you know, words of encouragement to each other to something even as, you know, again, scheduling.

chelsea barbine (11:54.83)
time for self-care where it would be benefit for the other one to jump in and cover Frankie duty. And then the third thing that will cover are our goals for quality time together. And this is for our family unit, whether it's our family walks or things that we want to do with Frankie that upcoming week. Maybe there's a local event that's happening or we want to take her somewhere to explore a different place.

even taking advantage of nicer weather and going on a hike with Mac. But we also do emphasize quality time for each other. And I will say, especially in the season, even the small moments, they all add up. Whether it's there's a movie that we want to watch together, which I feel like has been a rarity these days. There's no good movies out, you guys.

I don't know what's happening. Or maybe we want to pull a card from our in-home date night deck or plan ahead for a date night out and get dressed up and go to dinner or go see a comedy show, et cetera. This is the time where we talk about how we're going to fit those in with everything else happening. I will say it's, again, going back to that note of like it's

the small moments that I truly believe like make the greatest impact. I as silly as it sounds like I look forward to these Sunday night check-ins and I truly believe that this is a practice of quality intentional time together. So don't put pressure on yourself to like make it quote unquote perfect. It's truly about creating a routine and staying in sync with each other.

You're not going to solve all the problems or assign a designated person for each task or responsibility in one sit down. And you may even need to play around with the timing in which you have these check-ins. Go into them with an open mind and remember that it's totally fine if it takes a few tries just to get into a groove that works for you guys. And yes, consistency is definitely key, but

chelsea barbine (14:19.246)
This isn't about adding more to your plate. It's about setting aside even a little bit of time to connect. and I almost forgot. Celebrate the little things. Whether it's making it through a tough week or hitting a work milestone, we always try to end on a positive note. I am telling you guys it is such a great way to end a week and start anew.

and just feeling more connected and supportive of each other. So there you have it, our simple Sunday night check-in. It's simple, but truthfully has been such a great tool for us in, I don't know, just, I guess feeling connected as teammates rather than like two ships passing in the night. If you're feeling the weight of busy schedules,

littles or just needing more connection with your partner, I highly encourage you to give it a try. Try it for a month. That's like once a week. It's four times. If you do that like 15 minutes each, it's an hour total. See how it feels. Make it your own and feel free to report back on how it goes.

Thank you for joining me for this episode of Postpartum Better. If you're inspired by this conversation to help yourself or another mom navigate life after birth, take a minute to leave me a review on Apple Podcast and then share this episode with someone who could use the virtual hug. The health and happiness of the world resides in us mamas. And I'm so proud to be doing Postpartum Better with you. Until next week, with care, Chelsea.