Royal Reintegration Rebel w/ Tamika Bruce

In this deeply moving episode, Tamika Bruce opens up about the impact of parental incarceration—not just on the parent, but on the children left behind.

After serving 10 years and enduring 7 years without seeing her kids, Tamika returned home to face a new reality: her children were intelligent and capable—but struggling in ways she didn’t expect.

This conversation unpacks:
 • The emotional toll of separation
 • The overlooked trauma children carry
 • The challenges of rebuilding trust and connection
 • What true reintegration really looks like

Now a community advocate focused on reentry for families, Tamika is turning her pain into purpose—bringing awareness to stories that often go unheard.

This episode is raw. It’s real. And it’s necessary.

Listen now and be part of the healing conversation.

#NailedItMotherhood #ReentryMatters #ParentingAfterPrison #RealStoriesRealImpact

Connect with Tamika:

Lift the City Instagram

Lift the City Foundation Facebook

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Do you wish somebody wrote down the recipe for your parenting challenges? Did you want tips and tricks to become a better mama for you and your babies? I know I do. If you're a mother who feels that you are doing the best you can with the hands you've been dealt, but you're still getting it done, then this podcast is for you. I'm so glad you tuned into Nailed It Motherhood because we might have the recipe that nobody wrote down. Have you ever gotten the advice you didn't even know you needed? Well, you have come to the right place where we may not have it all figured out, but we've got the stories, we've got the bumps, and we've got the breakthroughs, and plenty of laughter to remind you that none of us are doing this alone, baby. Welcome back to another exciting episode of Nailed It Motherhood Podcast. I am your host with the most, Tamara Eldridge. Around here, we are real parents, just trying to live, learn, and ride out every joy and jolt that comes with raising kids. Trust me, I feel a lot more jolts than joy this time around, but I'm still standing. We believe in growth, reflection, and pouring back into ourselves. So I do want to remind you all not to forget to grab the This Mama is Nailing It Self-Care Journal, which is for parents created to help you stay grounded, intentional, and whole along the way. Enough with the logistics. I know y'all are waiting for our guest. And today I do believe that you are in for a treat. As we have a resilient mom who was incarcerated for 10 years. And after seven years without seeing her children, she had to re-establish herself as a worthy parent. Now working to help other mothers fight their own demons. She hopes to offer hope, connection, and encouragement to other moms who feel alone or overwhelmed. Listeners, we welcome to the Nailed It Motherhood platform, Tamika Bruce. Hey girl, hey. Thank you for having me. You are so welcome. I'm very excited to hear your story. We have not had your perspective. And just with the communication that we've had, I know that you have something special to share with us. So I'm excited. Thank you for joining us.

SPEAKER_00 2:43

Thank you so much for having me, Tamara. I'm here to tell my story. I love telling my story. I love giving my perspective to other mothers because sometimes we don't realize how blessed we are to see our children every day. Because it can be heavy. Motherhood is heavy, and it can be a handful, two handfuls. So, so when you don't see your children, and some mothers never think of not seeing their children, especially for seven years. That was a long time that I did not know how tall my children were or exactly what they looked like at some times. And so it was very difficult. And certain things that certain mothers would not even think because they do see their children on a daily basis.

SPEAKER_01 3:28

Wow, that is powerful already. And we haven't even gotten into your journey segment yet. Like you preaching. So let me go ahead and get my purse open so I can get ready to hand you the offering. But before we jump into your story, I always share a Tavi tale, which is a short snippet of my life and my parenting journey with my daughter, Tavia. Tavia is six years old, and she is all of the emotions, all of them. Probably within the same five minutes. I mean, it's a watch. I love raising her. She keeps me on my toes. But man, I always have stories to share. So this is the segment where I do get to do that. And today, my segment is called You Can't Dance. I wonder, I don't, I just wonder where my child got her rhythm from because I don't, I don't know. It's not for me because I can at least get on the rhythm, you know. Now I I don't do a whole bunch of the cool moves or anything, and I sound like somebody's old auntie saying that I know I'm aware, but I don't do all of the the the crazes that are going on, but I do at least have rhythm. But with my child, she loves, loves, loves to dance, but she has no rhythm whatsoever. So we were at the movie theater the other day, and she was in the bathroom and she was just a grooving and grooving. And I looked at her and I was like, baby, you can't dance. And she was like, Don't say that. And I have a very honest and open relationship when it comes to talking to her. So I'm gonna tell her the truth. I'm trying to protect you, baby. I don't want you going out in this world thinking that you got this and you don't. So I said to her, baby, you can't dance. And she was like, Well, at least I'm I can do gymnastics. And baby, she is so right. She took that, she took the truth and she she sat with it for a couple seconds and she got over the hump and she said, I'm good at gymnastics. I'm really good at gymnastics. And I promise you, she really is. If you were to look at her, just taught herself how to do a backflip recently, and I'm just like, she never sits still. She's flipping all the time, but she's really good. You would think that I had her in gymnastics since she was two. I didn't. She just started gymnastics this past summer, hasn't even been in it for a full year, but that's where we're gonna focus. So she can dance, but she can surely flip, she can surely bend, she can surely split. So that is where we're gonna focus. So thank you, Tamika, for listening to my Tavi Tale. I just had to get it out because if y'all ever see my baby out in this world dancing, know that we both know that she can't, but we're gonna let her live and be great. So thank you.

SPEAKER_00 6:27

You're welcome. Thank you so much for sharing. That was a great story.

SPEAKER_01 6:32

Thank you. I'm glad that you enjoyed it. Remember, if you see videos, what we talked about. But I do realize that as I reflect on my relationship with my child, that this is not something that all parents have the opportunity and the benefit of experiencing. And you even mentioned it when you introduced yourself that, you know, there are things that we take for granted as parents, just being able to see our kids every day. The things that I complain about, you couldn't complain about for seven years. And I know that that journey included being away from your children for that long. So at this time, I am going to step away and I'm going to allow you to share your personal parenting journey during your her story segment so that you can walk us through your experience and how that has shaped you as a woman who has risen with power and authority. So, with that being said, I give you the mic. I am looking forward to hearing all of the gems that you have to drop to us today.

SPEAKER_00 7:33

Thank you so much. Thank you again for having me and allowing me to share my story because we don't know what we don't know. And a lot of mothers who have not had the a similar journey or know a mother who's been incarcerated wouldn't not have the understanding or even, you know, think about these things, you know, in in day-to-day life. And so I was incarcerated in 2008. I um first one of my family to be incarcerated. I don't have a lot of family members who have been incarcerated. And so that made my journey hard because my family didn't know how to support an incarcerated person because I was the first one. And so my story began actually before my incarceration, about seven and a half years before my incarceration, when my children's dad was incarcerated on an unrelated case. He received 63 years. And so I was left to fend for myself and my children without a co-parent or any assistance from their dad. And so I ended up selling drugs. It was easy, it was fast money. And being an authentic, genuine person, people trusted you. And so I was given a lot of trust in the drug game. So I was handed drugs and very easily. And so I began to to make more money, and it became almost like a high because it was it was kind of fun and it was kind of easy. And so as I um, you know, started to to take on this this different, I guess, persona, I I guess I felt maybe untouchable. And I felt like what I was doing wasn't wrong. I actually did, it did not hit me how wrong what I was doing was until I was incarcerated. Because when you sell drugs, people love you because they love what you have. They love what you can give them, they love how that substance makes them feel. And so it was almost, it's almost like being a superstar. And it's kind of hard to stop when there are people who get drugs from you to resale, and there are people who use the drugs. All of them need them in some way, shape, form, or fashion. There were other dealers who needed the drugs so that they could pay their rent, so that they could pay their phone bill, so that they could keep their lights and gas on. And then there are people who are addicted to the substances, and they definitely want them. And so it's almost like you're filling a void in their lives. You're feeling there's a need for this, and you have this thing that can help them. It wasn't until I was incarcerated that it just hit me that no matter if they would get it from the substances, if they would get them from someone else or from me, there is still an energy attached, there is still karma attached, and I was still bringing something bad into their life, no matter how much they wanted it, and no matter how much they thought they needed it, and no matter how much they appreciated me for being the one to give it to them. And that was like my come to Jesus moment when I realized, like, hey, I am causing children out here to maybe not have a meal tonight because their parents spent all their money with me. And that wasn't a realization that I had on the street. I did not think it that far through. And so that's kind of where my story began. And um, with my children's father being incarcerated, I had to offend for us. And that's how I got into the drug game because my children were small and it was hard to have a job and a babysitter and put all of those things together when I just didn't have the wherewithal at the time. And so now how I show up, I show up as the adult that I need. And so when I'm in the community, when I'm dealing with other adults that are just as impacted, children that are justice impacted, and just children in vulnerable communities, period. I show up as the adult that I needed in my vulnerable times. And so, with that being said, I was incarcerated in 2008. I saw my children while I was in the county jail. I saw them maybe twice once I got to Alderson Federal Prison Camp. And after that, my sister did not bring them anymore after April of 2009. I saw them Christmas of 08, and I saw them April of 2009. And after that, I did not look upon my children's faces until I was home. And that was very rough. That was very rough for me. Every day, um, it was a struggle, and after years passed, it was a struggle not knowing what they looked like. It was a struggle, not knowing how tall they were. It was a struggle. When I got incarcerated, my children were seven, nine, and ten. I didn't even receive pictures until from the initial pictures that I that I got when I first got there. I did receive pictures, but pictures of them growing and looking different and being taller. I did not receive those pictures until my children were able to send them to me themselves. My daughter sent me a picture of her when she was 14, her school picture. And she sent that herself. Other than that, um, my family didn't send me photographs of my children. They didn't bring my children. And I don't believe it was an attack on me. I don't believe it was intentional. Um, I don't know. I can't guess why they didn't bring them, you know. And I in some ways I think it was kind of like a punishment, maybe for me or maybe for them, because there were years when I also wasn't able to talk to my children because my sister said that they were bad once I got off the phone. And I, in my brain, I'm thinking, okay, well, if I see them more and I talk to them more, it won't be such an exciting thing to where they're like, oh my gosh, I just saw my mom. Boom, boom, boom, boom, and they're jumping off the walls. And so um that made sense to me. It didn't make sense to anyone else, or I'm guessing that they would have brought my children. And so I try not to look at it as a personal attack. And um, I try to understand that everyone has their own life and own perspectives. And when I got incarcerated, it's not like everyone knew I was going to get incarcerated. Just suddenly, um, children, two children were dropped into my sister's life, you know, and she did have her own um special needs young son at the time. And so I tried to look at everyone's perspective and understand that they were not able to cater to the choices that I made that caused me to go to prison. Although my sister was less than two hours away from the prison. I do feel like she could have made a better effort as a sister. And I do feel like it would have helped in repairing the bond with my children if I would have seen them more, if I got to look upon them and they could see me. I think it would have helped some with their anxiety because they would know that I was safe. And so one thing I did to let my children know that I was safe, I would take pictures and I would send them home so they could see me looking healthy and understand that I was okay, you know, in prison. Because one thing we don't understand is how a child's mind interprets prison. My children knew prison for what was on television. And so I didn't know what their perspective of prison was. And one day I found out when my son, I was on the phone with my son, and he says, Ma, and his little voice was trembling. He said, Do you have to fight? And at that time, I realized that I had been incarcerated maybe a year, year and a half. And my son thought for that entire time that I had to fight or that I might have possibly been unsafe. And to understand what a burden that must have been on my child absolutely broke my heart. I've told that story several times, and sometimes I cry, sometimes I don't. Like right now, I'm getting a little misty-eyed because the realization, you know, that that my child was worried about me when I'm supposed to protect my child. My child was wondering, was I okay? I wasn't protecting his emotional wellness. I wasn't protecting his emotional health because he was essentially worried about me. And um that was very unsettling and disturbing to me as a mom. And um I was released in 2016. When I was released, my um daughter that was 18, she came to Charleston, West Virginia, where I was released to, and we spent a lot of time together. I was in the halfway house, she would come and meet me, we would get on the uh public transportation, and she would help me fill out job applications. That's how we were bonding and getting to spend time together because there was like visiting hours at the halfway house. But other than that, you know, we we we didn't have a lot of time to spend together. So she would go with me on my job hunts and things like that. And so I really enjoyed that and that time with her and being able to bond with her while filling out job applications and running my errands. After I was released, my son was still incarcerated. He had juvenile life up until the age of 18. And he was about to turn 18. So once I was out of the halfway house, he turned 18, and then he came to live with my daughter and I. My children constantly, constantly, constantly were at each other's necks. They were 14 months, they are 14 months apart, and they were fighting like cats and dogs, but they absolutely adore one another, and I'm so glad that they had one another and that they had that relationship. But they were fighting like cats and dogs, and it was very, very hard on me just being released because there are no children in prison. That's another thing that no one understands. When you are taken out of an environment where there are children and different stimuli all day, every day, and placed in an environment where everything is controlled, you're going to eat at the same time. You're going to wear the same thing as everyone else. And these are the activities, and there's nothing outside of that, it's very controlled and regimented. And so when you come home, here you are, thrown back into life and back into a full family environment. And it can be rough on your central nervous system and your own mental health, you know. Although I love my children, it I was over-stimulated because in prison I was understimulated for almost a decade. And so to come home, I um actually took the bus home. Um, I decided to take the bus home instead of having my family come to pick me up, even though it was two hours, because I didn't want to be overstimulated on the ride home. I did not know how I was going to feel leaving outside of the prison gates for the first time, aside from going to the doctor for the first time in eight and a half years. And so I wanted to take the two-hour bus ride so that I could get a breather, so that I could collect myself, and so that whatever thoughts I had wouldn't be interrupted by Mom, M, Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom. And my daughter, who is 27 now, she always wanted to know what people did when she did come to visit because they came a lot in the when I was in the county jail. Although they only came twice to Alderson, my daughter, when she would see people, she would say, Mom, what's her jail story? How did she get here? And she was very fascinated by everyone's stories. And so the biggest part for me when I came home was rebuilding the bond with my children. Rebuilding the bond was so difficult and still is to this day. I've been home for nine years. May of next year will make ten years of me actually walking outside. Of the gates of Aldison Federal Prison Camp. And I'm so grateful. But it is still rough and it is still a battle to get to know my kids and for them to get to know me because now they're adults. And sometimes they're angry because certain things I was not there for. And then there are certain times when things that I wanted my children to know, my mother and my sister didn't impart those things into my children. And so I'm like, wow, you know, gosh, you know, I wish you knew this at this age. You know, had I been home, you would have known it. You know, so so there's there's guilt, you know, not only from the the events and and the birthdays and the Christmases. And so essentially, three children, um, a birthday every year for nine years, including my incarceration in my halfway house, I missed 27 birthdays, not even including my own. And so I missed 27 Thanksgivings, I missed 27 first days of school, I missed 27, you know, um, different things with my children, if I decided to count them. You know, so I missed nine Christmases, I missed nine summers, I missed so many different milestones, I missed so many graduations, and um sometimes my children can be unforgiving about those things, and I completely understand because their feelings are valid. I am their parent. I should have been there, you know, and um but I cannot live under the guilt of not being there. And so I try to understand their perspective. I also want them to understand my perspective, but I do seek to understand before I seek to be understood. And um I am grateful, you know, to my mom and my sister, you know, for stepping up. I am grateful that they did keep my children alive. Um there are things that I wish they would have done that they didn't do, but, you know, had I been home, you know, I wouldn't have been, you know, the perfect mom. The children don't come with the handbook. And so I'm unable, you know, to say what would or wouldn't happen. I just know where we're at today and the result that we want. So that's what I'm working towards. I'm working towards um leaving a legacy. My 27-year-old does have a seven-year-old daughter, my granddaughter. And so I'm looking forward to her never setting foot inside of a prison. I'm looking forward to um loving her and supporting her without any illegal activities. And um, my daughter, who is her mom, is currently incarcerated, my 27-year-old. And it's extremely ironic that she was sentenced by the same judge that sentenced me 16 years before. Judge Joseph Goodwin, out of Charleston, West Virginia, stated at my daughter's sentencing that he gave me 10 years. Was he right? Was he wrong? He did not know. But what he did understand is that when he took me out the home, it became harder for my child. So she was facing seven to 10 years, and he gave her a downward variance, and she received two years, and she will be home this March. And so I'm extremely excited to welcome her back home. And I do know that my story is powerful. I do know that my story is meant for the masses, and I do know that this is part of my purpose because I feel the 360 effect where I, my children, saw their parents in prison, and now me and their dad is home. My child's children's father received 63 years and he was released after 20. And so he is home. He came home a couple years ago. And so we're able to be a family again. We're able to um understand one another and the different perspectives because my children watched their father and myself um go through incarceration. And then their father and I had to watch them go through incarceration. And so when something has a 360 effect on it, I know it's part of my destiny, I know it's part of my purpose, and I know that God is showing me something because I am a leader and a teacher, and He wants me to help others who are like me. And so that's why I am the rebel of re-entry, because I am here to kick down doors and um take names because we do need to have our voices heard in this system. The system is made, you know, ideally for men. So it is harder and tougher, and it does not have um the things needed to support a woman or a mom, you know, through incarceration. And that makes it even tougher, you know. But um I have an organization. It's called Lift the City Foundation, it's um in Washington, D.C. And we address generational trauma and re-entry. I have family programming. And um I address the family because there are programs for men, there are programs for women, and there are programs for children. And I don't believe that that is the most effective model because it is hard for someone in a compromised family, a compromised mom or dad, to teach their children new things coming from a compromised place, because the children are already looking at you as compromised, whether you are compromised by mental health, substance use, um, housing insecurity, or um drug addiction. The children are looking at the compromised parent, so they do need other um persons to come in and explain these things and teach the family so that everyone can maintain a level of communication and respect. And so that is my model for my signature uh program. And um, it's just to really teach the family. And for the programs that address the children only, it is virtually impossible for a child to come home and really teach a parent what they learned today or what they learned in this six-week program. And so when I when we address the entire family, it removes barriers and fosters healthy communication. And that is my goal to strengthen a family unit because when you strengthen the family unit, you strengthen the community. And what I want everyone to understand is that when you remove the father from the home, you make it harder for the mother. And when you remove the mother from the home, you make it virtually impossible for the child. And so now I really want to address the generational trauma because I feel like I'm the opposite of the American dream. I went to prison, my kids' dad went to prison, our children went to prison. It is a pipeline, it is systemic, it is a plan, it is a trap. And I want people to understand that because I was not a conspiracy theorist. I did not believe these things when I heard them before, but they happened to me. And so now I understand and I have a bird's eye view of the trap. And so I was in the trap. My children are in the trap. And so I had the lived experience to help others to reclaim their family, reclaim their legacy. And just because you've been something doesn't mean you have to always be that thing. And so that's my motto. That's what I preach daily to justice impacted individuals. Just because you've been something does not mean you're gonna have to always be that thing. In an instant, you could change your mindset, you could change who you are, you could change what you want. But like I said earlier, we don't know what we don't know. So I am the person that I needed when I was a young woman making these choices because I could not recognize my opportunities. So today I help others recognize their opportunities and change their mindset because that's what helped me throughout my incarceration and throughout my re-entry. And so today I sit before you as a mother of three um wonderful children that actually were not thriving when I got home. And they were straight a beautiful children when I went in, when I got incarcerated. When I came home, I realized that no one had taken care of their mental health. They had given them gifts and toys and things to pacify them, but no one addressed their mental health. So now, as a trauma-informed facilitator with lived experience, I am pushing the understanding and the reconciliation, the reconciliation of the family unit. Because when we strengthen our families, we strengthen our communities. It is a public safety issue.

SPEAKER_01 33:01

Um there is so much power in your story, and I know you know that, but um just reading your application to reading some of your responses and our getting to know you emailed wasn't enough to hear your story, to give voice and life to your words was everything. Um, I have a few questions, but honestly, you explained your story so well that I probably won't spend a lot of time on the questions. Um but you said something so powerful at the end that just really has me shook it, if you will. Um, you said no one took care of their mental health, and that's so critical. That's such a critical statement. And and I think it's more than just having absent parents who, you know, were incarcerated. It's just the trauma-informed pathway that we need to focus on the mental health of our children with everything that they are going through and all of the expectations that we have on our children in school for black and brown kids to be wiser and older than they truly are. Just the world is tough. The the load is heavy for our kids. And if you add the fact that you had mom and dad who were both incarcerated and you had to shake up life in immediately, and these kids were dropped into family homes that although they were family, which is ideal, it still wasn't a home. There there was a need for their mental health to be a priority. Um, and and I I'll ask instead of assuming and putting this into um into your thought, but do you think that that level of materialism also poured into the reason why they are now incarcerated or were incarcerated? Um, no, I don't.

SPEAKER_00 35:30

I feel like what led to their incarceration. I'm an energy person. And so I feel like they did visit me in prison, and I feel like their mind, once they did not come to see me in prison, their mind was in prison because they were thinking about prison. They were thinking about what was going on in prison. They were thinking, and their subconscious mind didn't know the difference. And it just attracted that. I feel like wondering what's going on in prison, they they got to see. Things aligned and they were able to see because they wondered so long what's going on in there, what's going on in there, what's mom doing, what's dad doing? Now they know. Now they know.

SPEAKER_01 36:28

That's interesting that you said that because the two that you talked about having landed in prison both were the ones that had that fascination. You said your daughter was fascinated, you um said that your son asked, do you have to fight? So there was that unanswered piece where no matter how much you told them, they still kind of needed to know.

SPEAKER_03 36:54

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 36:56

That's powerful. That is very powerful. So you said that it was so easy to jump into selling drugs, and you said that it was a high. Was it what would you say to parents that are looking at their options today? Like, I can do this and everything will be taken care of, and life will be easy, or I can struggle, and that's never ideal for anyone. And I can get three jobs to take care of my kids, or whatever the case will be, what would you say to them today if you were at that crossroad and they had to make the decision?

SPEAKER_00 37:37

I would tell them that your children need you way more than anything else. Your children need you way more than anything else. Because although my story is dark, although my story is heavy, there are way worse stories that I've heard. There were some women who didn't even know where their parental rights had been terminated, and they had no idea where their children even were located. And so they're way worse stories than mine. Your children need you more than they need anything else.

SPEAKER_02 38:17

Don't do.

SPEAKER_00 38:46

It definitely hit me like a son of bricks when I had the realization because at home, when I'm making the money and spending the money and doing the things, that never crossed my mind. Right. I wasn't like, oh, let me make sure this kid doesn't eat tonight. You know, that was never, you know, it never crossed my mind.

SPEAKER_01 39:07

Yeah. Were there people that tried to hold you accountable? Or was everybody into what the outcome was?

SPEAKER_00 39:23

I did have a friend, one friend that tried to hold me accountable. It was like, hold on, now you know you shouldn't be doing this. And a lot of people did not know I was doing it. I did, I also, you know, I also did um sell marijuana and not just harder drugs. And so they, everyone else, they just thought it was from the marijuana sales, and I let them think that. And um, so yeah, no one really tried to hold me accountable. And the people that knew were all the people who benefited who I was buying drugs from or selling drugs to. And so they were definitely not gonna hold me accountable in any way, shape, or form. Right. They weren't gonna let you move their cheese.

SPEAKER_01 40:15

Exactly. Um, wow. So you said that your children acted up after they got off the phone with you.

SPEAKER_03 40:26

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_01 40:27

Um, were you ever allowed to have a conversation with them about that before that opportunity was kind of pulled from you?

SPEAKER_00 40:36

Um I uh I was, but at this time, I was newly incarcerated. I didn't know the things I know now. And they were younger, you know, they were like nine and ten. And so it just, it just wasn't clicking, you know. It just wasn't clicking. It was just a new, they were still, I believe, in a trauma response. And we all were. You know, I had been pulled from them, they had been pulled from me. We were still all in a trauma response. There was, there was really, you know, we didn't need none of us knew what to do.

SPEAKER_01 41:14

I love the fact that your baby girl just basically fought for you. She held space for you. And when you did get released, she was there for you. Can you tell me, like, what were you feeling when you recognized that she didn't leave you hanging or she didn't, she didn't let the past in the way and blocking the relationship that you could have moving forward?

SPEAKER_00 41:44

I was extremely grateful. And I realized that just like we sit back and make plans for our children, our children sit back and make plans for us.

SPEAKER_02 42:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 42:01

I never realized that. My mother was demeaning to me. So I never sat back and I never fantasized about what I was going to do in the future with her. Because she was mean. And so, me not being a mean parent, my daughter fantasized about what our future would be like. I did not realize that because I did not do that. And so that was also um, it was heartwarming and heartbreaking at the same time. What is the relationship like today with all of your children? And so today, um, we still have rough patches. My oldest, um, the 27-year-old Alexis, she she holds things against me more, you know, than the other two. And I think she does that because she is the oldest and she had the most plans for us. That were not realized. And um, my son, extremely easygoing. And so I think at times he's frustrated because he feels like feels like he was no one's favorite. And if mom and dad would have been there, he would at least had a leg to stand on. And my youngest daughter, she um was actually with her dad. And I feel um like sometimes she she can show voice, you know, that that she's frustrated about things, but like really not too much. She was seven, and so I believe that she actually had the least plans for us because she was seven, and maybe she didn't get to that point in her mind where she was planning what we would do in the future. She was still had like the center of the world. Syndrome because she's seven and she's just it's just me, like out here, like you know. And so she, you know, she didn't think that far ahead. And so, um, yeah, thing things are definitely moving in the right direction. We still have a lot of work to do as a family, but I'm excited and I'm grateful to um see how it is when my oldest two, Anthony and Alexis, come home. Because now my daughter that held so much against me has gone to prison and left her daughter. But she only left her for two years, so I'm extremely excited about that. And um, I just can't wait until we can put our heads together and um make a plan for the family to um support my granddaughter so that she never has to see prison.

SPEAKER_01 44:54

That was such a um a serendipitous moment that you had the same judge that sentenced you. Yes. And the judge, we don't often see judges having heart with black people in general, but they had he had heart enough to say, I watched this happen to your mom. I see the the detriment that it had on the household, and I don't want to continue this cycle, so I'm going to what did you call it? You it was a downward variance, downward variance. I'm going to give you a downward variance of two years as opposed to what was it, seven to ten. Yes. That is so amazing. So amazing.

SPEAKER_02 45:50

Way I'm very grateful.

SPEAKER_01 45:56

How did that feel?

SPEAKER_00 45:59

It felt it felt good, you know, to know that my granddaughter was not going to have all the traumas that my daughter had. It felt wonderful in that aspect. But in some ways, I also still feel like the system has failed my child by removing both of the parents from the home for such a long time. And so, although I did commit a crime, I don't feel like I deserved 10 years. And while I was in prison, there was a law change, and there were others who came in with the selling the same substance as I sold that had half the time and less. And so I do feel like the system failed my my children.

SPEAKER_01 46:48

Yeah, that makes sense. That's definitely a fair, um, fair feeling about just your sentence, especially since, you know, while you were in the midst of serving, you had an opportunity to lessen that term, but they didn't give you that opportunity. Exactly. They did not make the law retract. That sucks. I'm sorry to hear that. But I'm very thrilled that you are using your pain and your trauma to walk in your purpose. Like everything that you're doing now is simply amazing. This is something that I believe that our communities need to prevent incarceration, to prevent behaviors that will get you in places where we're tearing families apart. We need that unity, we need that experience. And I love the fact that you recognize that it is your lived experience that is what makes the difference. It kind of reminds me of when you go to church and you like hear a pastor preach the word and they can't really speak to how that looks in application, you just can't take them as serious. But if you know a pastor has gone through some stuff and they're preaching, it just helps you relate a little bit more and it makes the word that they're trying to preach, it breathes life into what they're trying to teach. So I appreciate that you have not been victimized. I I re I'm laughing because I recently had a guest who talked about victimizing victim, but um, you have not made yourself a victim of the decisions that were made and the outcomes that came about, but instead you use that as a vehicle to make change in the community. I love that I love that for you. Thanks. So I could ask you several questions. When I listen and edit this episode, I'm going to be just probably in awe while listening and watching just how you so eloquently told your story. Um, it was it was beautifully told, and I'm excited about where you're headed. Um, I love the rebel of re-entry. I love the what is it, lift the city foundation. Yes. I love it. This blueprint is amazing and it's necessary. But we are running down on time. I let you talk because I really wanted to hear what you had to say, but we have run out of time. So I want us to jump into the game that we have for you, and then we'll hear from you before we go. So we do have a game called Tea Time. Tea Time is a game of rapid fire. I have three minutes on the clock, and we are going to hear some of the responses that Tamika has for us so that we can get a little bit more insight into who she is. Some of these questions are deep and some of them are just for fun, but we get to know a little bit better who is Tamika Bruce. Tamika, are you ready? I'm ready. Awesome sauce. So I am going to go ahead and start the clock, and the first question will be What is the last TV show or movie you binge watched?

SPEAKER_00 50:19

I do not own a television prison. Taught me not to watch television. I haven't watched been watched anything.

SPEAKER_01 50:27

I'm not mad at that at all. What is your go-to comfort food?

SPEAKER_00 50:34

My go-to comfort food is potato chips.

SPEAKER_01 50:38

Yes, not mad at that either. Okay. What always makes you giggle?

SPEAKER_00 50:46

My granddaughter.

SPEAKER_01 50:48

Seven years old, I bet she does. Oh man. Morning person or night owl.

SPEAKER_00 50:56

Morning, definitely.

SPEAKER_01 50:58

What's the best gift you ever received?

SPEAKER_00 51:04

The best gift I ever received. For my birthday, I actually got these tennis shoes that I really like, and they was over$200, and I'm not buying myself a$200 pair of tennis shoes.

SPEAKER_01 51:16

I feel you. I feel you. What season of life are you in right now? And what is it teaching you?

SPEAKER_00 51:25

I am really in um my grateful season, and it is a it and it is teaching me to expect the very best. I like that. That is awesome.

SPEAKER_01 51:43

What's your hidden talent?

SPEAKER_00 51:47

My hidden talent is that I'm a little bit psychic.

SPEAKER_01 51:54

Okay, psychic. All right. What smell instantly makes you happy?

SPEAKER_00 52:07

Toy Birch. Um oh, love something. Love, irresistible, love, irres something. I don't know that one. It's a Toy Birch perfume, but it instantly makes me happy.

SPEAKER_01 52:22

Okay, so uh you might have this one. Name one book, podcast, or resource that's changed your perspective.

SPEAKER_00 52:30

Um, Ramtha, the white book by Jay-Z Knight. Um, changed my perspective. Nice. It's my favorite book.

SPEAKER_01 52:39

Have to check it out. Okay, so this is a long one. You see a social media post of a controversial parenting choice. Are you the perfect parent troll or the gotta figure out what works for you, parent?

SPEAKER_00 52:54

I am the gotta figure out what works for you, parent, because we are all raised in different environments, have gone through different things, and have a different level of comprehension and knowledge. So we're gonna have to figure out what works for us and what works best for our family and our environment.

SPEAKER_01 53:10

I love it. So I have one more question. Time is up, but I want to ask this question. Um, if you could instantly master any skill, what would it be?

SPEAKER_00 53:20

Day trading.

SPEAKER_01 53:22

Day trading? Yes. I'm not mad. I am not mad. Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_02 53:30

In the next slide, I'm gonna be a day trader.

SPEAKER_01 53:32

I'm not mad at you, boo. Do what you do. It's probably a smart idea.

SPEAKER_00 53:39

If I had a tech brain, I would be one now, but I'm a creative.

SPEAKER_01 53:42

We're gonna work on it. We're gonna work on it. Yes, creative. I'm a creative through and through. So hey, sis. Um so I want to give you back the floor. You have had so many gems of wisdom that you have shared with us, but you might still have some more to pull from your big old creative brain of yours. So at this time, if you would like to share any words of encouragement or inspiration to moms, dads, listeners, to the system, let's hear what you have to say.

SPEAKER_00 54:16

Um, one thing I would say it to all parents is just keep going because um it may not seem fair, it may not seem right, you may not be having fun at this time, but it evens out in the end. That would be my advice to parents. It's going to even out. So just keep going.

SPEAKER_01 54:34

I like that. That's very simple, but actually very powerful. So I love it. Thank you so much for sharing. Um, what is next for you and how can people connect with you so that they can just keep following your journey?

SPEAKER_00 54:50

What's next for me? What's next for me is um really just rebuilding and refining my program because family reconciliation is my mission. And I would like to have my programming in schools, prisons across the country. And I want um to highlight the fact that there are a lot of children that are dealing with parental incarceration. And that causes them to be more vulnerable to substance use, housing insecurity, and learning disabilities. And so um I would like um every adult to understand and try to get to know if there's a child in your community like this and support that child, because it is extremely hard to navigate um the world with two parents. And it's hard to navigate with one, and it's even harder to navigate with none. So if you know a child of an incarcerated parent, see what you can do to support them. If you don't have money, time, you know, a home cooked meal, you know, just telling them that if you need somebody, just call me, you know. Sometimes clean socks there are you would you wouldn't imagine what some of these children need, and even the emergent adults that are 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, you know, because that's a time when you really need your parents. And so people are looking at them to know what to do and to be a full-grown adult, and their guide is missing or compromised. And so just see what you can do in your community for the children of incarcerated parents because they need you.

SPEAKER_01 56:40

I love that. Thank you for sharing that. Um, just that snippet of advice alone is it can go a long way. Um, so I appreciate that. How can we connect with you um via social media or if you have a website or an email address and you want people to stay connected with you?

SPEAKER_00 57:02

Okay, my social media is Tamika Bruce. I'm working on Lyft the City social media on Facebook and Instagram. On Instagram, I am FaceLove Cosmetic Artistry, all lowercase, all one word, because while I was incarcerated, I did get my cosmetology license. And so in my former life, I was a beautician, and so now I'm a community advocate. And um, I also have a gift butter for Lift the City Foundation where you can donate if you want to help um me support the children of incarcerated parents.

SPEAKER_01 57:41

Yes, uh, face, love, cosmetic artistry. You better use your gifts however you see fit and to build the community. I actually think that they go hand in hand, to be honest with you. Um, they definitely do, but I do want to take this time one more time to say thank you for joining us. Thank you for being vulnerable and sharing your story. I know that, you know, we have a lot of judgmental people in this world. And for somebody to hear that I have somebody who was incarcerated for 10 years who wants to be a guest on the show might mean what? What are you talking about? Who are you having on the show? But this woman right here is a powerhouse. And I was so intrigued by just this story that you know, you were a parent before you were in prison, but you had to struggle with rebuilding with your now adult children when you were released, and you're doing it. And I it might not be roses right now, but you are doing it, and you are not only doing it for your family, but you are doing it for other families as well. So thank you. Thank you for thinking that Nailed It Motherhood podcast was worthy enough to hear your experience. I have three more questions that I ask all of my guests. Um, and I just want to ask you, taking a little bit of data, is parenting hard?

SPEAKER_00 59:15

Parenting is extremely difficult, but it's worth it. Yes, it is. But are they still standing? Yes, they are still standing, and they are thriving in their own ways. I love that.

SPEAKER_01 59:34

What do you want to proudly shout to our listeners today?

SPEAKER_00 59:40

That my name is Tamika Bruce, and I am a mom that nailed it.

SPEAKER_01 59:44

Yes, nailed it. And we're working on our seven-year-old granddaughter who will not see the walls of the prison because she too will be nailing it. I love it. Thank you again, listeners. If you like this episode and you want to hear more personal parenting stories like that of our beautiful sister Tamika, please make sure you subscribe to my social media that is at Nailed It Motherhood Podcast on Instagram, on Facebook. I lost my script. Hold on. On Facebook and on YouTube. And don't forget to follow us on your favorite podcast platform so that you never miss an episode. We also have a website that is nailed it motherhood podcast.com. We are your one-stop shop for all things nailed at Motherhood, including our brand new Nailed It Motherhood shop, where you can grab your journals, your merch, and more to support your parenting journey. We welcome all questions, comments, and ideas, and we certainly need to keep the conversation going. Until next time, keep on doing what it is you do. Smooches, y'all.