Juggling Pads, Partner and Pull-Ups w/ Dr. Tiffany Sayles

Living “The Dream” took on a whole new meaning for Dr. Tiffany Sayles when she realized that having the marriage, the career, and the big family she always wanted also required intentional upkeep.

In this episode, Dr. Sayles opens up about the work it takes to maintain faith, love, identity, and self-care through life’s challenges. By learning who she was outside of her responsibilities and giving herself permission to simply be “okay,” she found the strength to persevere.

Now, she encourages other parents to set boundaries, prioritize self-care, and lean into faith while nurturing their relationships and themselves. This conversation is a powerful reminder that sustaining the life you prayed for requires care for yourself, too.

Connect with Dr. Tiffany Sayles

Instagram: @Dr.TSayles

Facebook: Tiffany Sayles

Website: drtiffanysayles.com

YouTube: Author Dr. Tiffany Sayles

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:01

To our listeners, if you're juggling puberty talks, pads, and pull-ups, parenting kids and holding everything together while trying not to fall apart yourself, this episode is for you. Welcome back to another episode of Nailed It Motherhood Podcast. I am your host with the most, Tamara Eldridge, and I am so glad that you chose to come back and spend your time with me today. Today's guest is here to name the reality of juggling it all, all those things we just named, with honesty, grit, and much needed humor. She's sharing what it really looks like to manage a household stretched across puberty and memory loss, where caregiving doesn't come in neat chapters and life refuses to pause. This conversation is about the emotional weight, the physical exhaustion, and the grace it takes to keep going when your hands and your heart are full. Please help me welcome today's guest, Dr. Tiffany Sayles to Nailed It Motherhood Podcast. Hi.

SPEAKER_03 1:12

Hey, how are you?

SPEAKER_00 1:14

I am doing well. How are you?

SPEAKER_03 1:18

I am well, thank you.

SPEAKER_00 1:20

Thank you so much for joining us today. I am beyond excited about what you have to say. But can you tell us just a little bit about who Dr. Tiffany Sales, the person, is before we jump into today's show? Sure.

SPEAKER_04 1:37

So thank you again. I'm excited to be here as your guest. I am Dr. Tiffany Sales, and I love to say, or to some the DR sums up my life, which is Divinely Resilient. I'm a daughter of the Most High King. And my first ministry is my family, which I often refer to as my four wheels, my husband Willie, over 22 years, and our three girls, Willow, Willanie, and Willai. And God has graced me to serve in so many capacities, such as community agencies, K-12 education, higher education, as well as within my ministry I'm rooted in, which is at the People Place Church under the leadership of Pastor Tometri Dillon. I live a very, very full, busy, and active life because I know that I'm here on purpose and for a purpose. And I truly want to maximize every one of my limited minutes that remain. So that's kind of in a nutshell, a little about me.

SPEAKER_00 2:38

I love it. You sound so poetic when you talk. You said I'm here with purpose and on purpose, living for purpose. I love it all. I love it all. Well, thank you again for joining us. And I'm very excited to get into your her story segment. But before we do that, we have to get into our episodic Tavi Tale, which is a tradition for our Nailed at Motherhood podcast. Because I know my listeners would not be happy with me if I just brushed over my baby girl. They would be like, what happened with that? Because you know that's why we come. And I'm gonna be like, but you know, I thought it was for me. And they'd be like, Yeah, but so today I want to talk about how much my daughter and I are so much alike, but also so very, very, very different. It is amazing how God works. You carry this little person for however long. There's the argument of 10 months, there's the argument of nine. We've heard nine for so long, and then science says it's really 10, 40 weeks, 30, whatever. It doesn't really matter, but we carry this these little people for so long, and then we watch them grow up and develop these personalities. And for me, I never wanted a little girl because I said to myself, I don't want to raise myself. And that is exactly what I'm doing. I am raising me, the good part of the good parts of me and the bad parts of me. And it is absolutely a mirror where I get to say, Oh my goodness, do I do that? And then all of the family is like, Yeah. And I'm like, nobody asked you, but I kind of did, but it doesn't matter because I didn't like the response. But anyway, so my daughter, six years old, has so many things that are like me. She likes to sing, she likes to draw, and she's very good at it. She likes um all things art. She's very good at acting. She is really athletic, and I was like the athlete of the family growing up. But then there's all these things that she likes that I'm like, who is this little girl? Like, she likes milk. I hated milk with a passion. I tried to convince her she was allergic to milk because I really thought, I truly thought she was allergic to milk growing up because she would always get sick. So we tried all of the milks. We tried goat milk, we tried any milk that you can think of. We tried different kinds of powdered milks growing up. We had the doctors tell it write us notes because we thought there was a milk intolerance. And so there's a note in her medical uh record that says that she has an allergy to milk, but she apparently drinks it all the time at school. And I'm like, why do you drink that? Like you drink milk. So she loves milk and she I have to buy it now because she likes it. But she also likes stuff like Avatar, like the blue people. And she also likes stuff like video games, like Roblox and football. And I'm just like, what is who is this girl? Like she's it's not that she just likes them, but she loves these things. And thankfully, I'm in a relationship with somebody who is completely opposite of me when it comes to certain things. And he loves all of these things. So she can totally relate to him on these things, and they just have a ball, just sitting down and enjoying Avatar and the galaxy of the what is it? The I don't know what it is. The the um the Marvels, I don't know what it is, but they sit there and they just kick their feet up and enjoy, and I'm just like, it's amazing how similar we are, but also how very different we are. So thank you so much for listening to my Tavi Tale. Isn't it amazing how just biology works? How nature and nurture works on our kids. Yeah, interesting. Yes, it definitely is. It definitely is. Well, enough about me and my baby. I always love to share that, but that is not the real reason we're here, listeners. We really came because we have a lovely mama here who has three beautiful children, and we have some interesting things to talk about today. So you said, Dr. Tiffany Sayles, and I know I keep calling you doctor because you earned it. You told us that you wanted to talk to us today about penises, pads, and pull-ups. The three P's of life, huh? I'm very curious to see what it is you have to add to our space with that. So I'm gonna fall back and I'm gonna open up the floor so that you can share your personal parenting journey in your her story segment. And um, yeah, you have your time to shine. The floor is all yours. Dr. Tiffany Jones. You're welcome.

SPEAKER_04 8:29

And thank you for sharing about your baby. I love, I love that segment in your podcast. Um, and thank you for giving me an opportunity to share a little of my story. So I've always had many plans, hopes, and dreams, but one that I desired the most was to be married with a family. And that desire was birthed from the beginning of my life, really. I was born into a loving home, both my parents that were married, and an older sister. And it was a beautiful, beautiful beginning. My daddy was like my everything. And around the age of eight, nine, my dad fell into substance abuse and continual incarceration, and that tore our family apart. So eventually, of course, my parents divorced. My mom just no longer wanted to deal with the back and forth, and reality hit. I always longed to have that beautiful family back. But eventually I realized that that wouldn't happen in my current family. So that dream was birthed, that one day I will be able to create that family for myself. So fast forward shortly after I graduated from college, I was married. And soon after we had our first trials, so it was like, yes, my dream came true. My pastor says something. He always says that every miracle has to be managed. So while God had honored my desires, it would take a full surrender for me to not repeat the cycles that I came from, and as well as my husband. From the beginning of our marriage, we committed to living for God and raising our family in the kingdom. And when I say kingdom, I mean not church as usual. He was born and raised in the Baptist church and he witnessed a lot. And I won't explain what the a lot was, but it was a lot, a lot of things that was discouraging and disheartening for him. And fortunately, I wasn't born and raised in the church. So my story was different. I didn't really give my life completely to God until I went to college. And I knew that church as usual would not work for me and my future family. So we prioritized being a part of a kingdom-building ministry. But let me say that that did not exclude us from life, happenings, such as multiple miscarriages, marital strains, dark seasons, valley moments, like that didn't exempt us. And it seemed like with every challenge and added responsibility, it was becoming more difficult for me to balance it on. And with each wonderful child that we had, life would change and shift in different ways. And oftentimes it would become more overwhelming for me because it brought about more responsibilities. Now, just a little hindsight on that. He was a caterer on top of a USDA inspector. So he was very rarely at home. And a lot was left on me. Although I too were full-time and had many a plethora of responsibilities. I often describe this season, I talk about it in other publications, as my season of running on G, which means well below E, but his grace was my sufficiency. And it was only by his grace that I lived through that season. There were so many times, sis, that I wanted to run away. This is my dream now. I wanted to run away from it all or go to sleep and not have to wake up to it all. I wasn't necessarily suicidal, but just wanted to escape, wanted to breathe again. And fortunately, because of my daddy's choices, that took away any desire for me to ever try to escape through like drugs or substances. And I love my family. And I wanted nothing more than to show up for them, but I had lost myself and I had forgotten how to show up for me. I hit a wall and I knew that I could not and would not survive much longer in that state that I was in. So time went on, and now we have three girls. And at this time, they're ages 13, 8, and six. And the great thing is they were gaining some levels of independence. The other side was that the older they got, the more they needed. And so at that same time, I kind of started counseling because I realized, although I was a counselor, I was not living my best life for them. And that was a major turning point for me. I was about 40 at that time. And through counseling, I finally found a place where I could breathe again, where I could like recognize Tiffany. And it was still a minute-by-minute balancing act, but they were able to assume some responsibilities that helped a lot at home, which was very important because remember, it was just me really and them. I was married. It was almost kind of like a single marriage. And so fast forward, God was continually faithful because, in spite of the messes and the mistakes and all of the things our girls saw, like honestly, to God be the glory, top students, um, top in their class, um, I'm very well accomplished, well-rounded, participating in all the things, gifted, epitomize God girls in every area of their lives. And that's to his glory. I cannot take a lot of credit for that, because that was a broken season for me. But he continued to show himself faithful. Yet as the girls got older, again, there are no exemptions. So we had to navigate different things such as sexual temptations, mental health issues, just real life stuff, peer pressure, and questioning, hey, we live this way. Is there a better way? And so I had to work really hard to stay in a place of okay so that I could be available for them. And it was tough. It was, it was a lot of tough seasons. And my oldest daughter, who sometimes reminds me of your baby, she was sunshine at lollipops. And she had her things, but she was amazing. And so when she transitioned to college, while I was excited to see her spread her wings and fly, she was my our first to leave. And it seemed like all hell broke loose when she left. And then my middle daughter, I think that transitioned and many other things. She was by this time entering two teenage years herself, so many things happened with her. And on top of that, my marriage was struggling to make it. And so it was a lot going on in that season. And then to top it off, my mom, who I had not really been close with since I was an adult, her health began to quickly decline. So I got all this going on right. Well, at the time, at this time, I'm a college professor, I'm a school counselor, college professorship was kind of part-time at the time. And then I began to pursue my doctoral degree while still showing up for my three. There was so much going on. And although my mom had not been actively present in me and my girls' lives since I was an adult, she expected me to stop, drop, and roll at her beckoning call. So praise God, I had community surrounding me, including my counselor, that helped me keep, do my best to keep that in balance. So the title. Where did the title come from? This is the funny part, because that's all heavy stuff. Well, the title came from that season when I felt like I wasn't just in the sandwich generation. It wasn't just, oh, you're in the generation where, you know, your parents are aging and ailing, and then you're also raising children. Oh, you're just a sandwich. Mm-mm. And it was so much more than that. It was also mixed in with a seemingly failing marriage. So I remember having a difficult conversation with my husband one day. And shortly after that conversation, I had to go leave and drive an hour to go and pick up my mom from her most recent hospital stay because there were constant health crises and issues that landed her in a rehab in hospital. And on the way there, my middle child, who again was really navigating a tough season, was having her teenage tantrum. And I kept my mouth closed because I learned, hey, you know, sometimes don't trust your voice. Just be quiet. So I sucked it up because I was like, we're gonna, yeah, sucked it up. Already not going well, just had a conversation with my husband. Really not a good moment. So I get to the hospital and I'm frustrated. I'm ready to snail. And I just pull up to the door and say, Y'all get out. Just get out. I will be in shortly. Just go sit in the lobby, I'll be in. So I got my breath, gathered myself, went into the hospital where they were getting my mom ready to be discharged. Now she could be a very, what is the word? She could just be very challenging. So she's fussing and fighting with them. They're trying to get her ready, trying to get a pull up on her. Um, so she's prepared for that drive home, and she was throwing an unbelievable tantrum. So I remember saying this because I was at that like point. I remember looking at her, and in all respect, I said, and I said it very calmly. I said, Mama, I have had a very rough day. And if you think that you're gonna get in the car acting like how you're treating them, I promise you I will put you and my middle daughter out on the side of the highway and I will drive away. Because that's how spin I was, honestly. And then I walked out of the hospital and I let them continue to fight with her. And I told my children, do not follow me. I need to go back to my car. I had to put myself in timeout, and I will see you in a moment. So I go to the car, and I remember thinking, man, you entrust me with a lot. Like it was a lot. And I was like, I was supposed to show up for my husband and his needs, my girls and all their hormones, and my mama's demands while working full-time and part-time jobs, being very active in my ministry, I'm a ministry leader, and trying to finish my doctoral degree. And I remember being so pissed, in all transparency, I was so pissed that all I could do was cry. And I remember while I was crying, these words just go in my head. And I remember screaming these dang penis, pets, and pull-ups. And I screamed it and I screamed it over and over. And I screamed it so much that I started laughing. And I was laughing so hard until like a piece just came over me. And then I remember calling one of my friends, and I was like, girl, I got a revelation. This is gonna be a bestseller. And I told her my title. And I said, I don't know if I can use it in the Christian realm because you know I live my life for the Lord. I said, but the world needs to know that I'm out here in these streets with these three P's and I'm about to snap. And so we had a good laugh, and she agreed with me that, hey girl, you're not alone. There's many people walking through this season, and people need to know. So I eventually got it together and went back in the hospital where they were happily rolling my mama, I swear, full speed, to get to my car as soon as possible. And my teen daughter with her lovely teenage hormones was still sulking. And I was like, Mama still, you could tell, like, yeah, she gave them a run for their money. And then I get to the car and I get her in the car and I say, I make an announcement. And I say, guys, God is teaching me how to handle these three Ps. They had no idea what I was talking about. And I need complete silence on the way home so he can speak to me. Otherwise, I will pull my car over and I will stand outside of the car until there's complete peace so we can ride home quietly. Needless to say, there was total silence on the way home. And that was the beginning of me creating, learning what creating bold boundaries look like. And that's something I continue to hold very near and dear is balance with boundaries. God had given me my heart desires, everything I ever dreamed, everything I wanted. But it required for me to learn how to manage those miracles in the mess and to trust his guidance and grace. So I no longer lost myself. My life depends on me showing up first for me, so I could be all that he calls me to be, even in this season of the three freaking peas. And that's that's kind of it in a nutshell.

SPEAKER_00 21:01

That was fantastic. Kudos to you and your three Ps and your bold boundaries. I love everything about that. I truly, truly love everything about that. You said um you said a quote and I was trying to write it. And I'm definitely going to end up pulling this quote. You're gonna have to help me though, because I was writing it as you were ending up. You said, My life depends on the hegem. What did you say?

SPEAKER_04 21:42

Me showing up first for me.

SPEAKER_00 21:45

That was it.

SPEAKER_04 21:47

So I could be all that he calls me to be.

SPEAKER_00 21:50

There you go. I love that. I love that. So You told yourself during your middle child's teenage tantrum, as you called it, sometimes don't trust your voice, just be quiet. Is that a strategy that you used often?

SPEAKER_04 22:21

Absolutely. I had to learn it though. Cause my oldest, like I said, she reminds me a lot of Teffy. So we could have these dialogues and she had all these words and we could talk through anything. But my middle, she was more introverted. She would um stuff things and it would just explode. And I understood, I had to learn that I could not manage her emotions the way I did with my oldest. Because they're two different, unique individuals. And she taught me that quickly. And when those hormones hit, puberty hit, man, did I have to learn a lot. And one of my tactics worse timeouts, my timeouts, I would put myself in timeout. Like go to your room, shut the door because my words carry weight and my voice, it resounds. And I didn't dare want to say anything. I was biting my tongue. Oh, I know it was probably bleeding.

SPEAKER_02 23:14

Because I wanted to say, look, look helpful to get her toes so bad.

SPEAKER_04 23:19

But I said, no, Tiffany, you've been, you've been through puberty for how many years, and you still have all those feelings and emotions. She's entitled to that. Don't take it personal. Just be quiet. So yeah, I've had to tell myself, because I'm a words person. And I want to talk through things and I want to understand why you and I've had to learn to say, girl, just be quiet. The time will come.

SPEAKER_00 23:41

I think that phrase resonated with me because I needed that. Um I need that because I've been working through something like that, where I've had to kind of check my body and see what how my body was reacting and say, this is not the time to say anything because your body isn't stable right now. It will come out wrong, your emotions will take over, this conversation is not going to end well. Um, and I'm learning to read myself. Um and so with when you said that, I wanted to know when did you start to teach yourself this strategy? And was it always a good decision? Or was it, were there times where it was a bad decision for you?

SPEAKER_04 24:42

I can't really think of a that time that it was bad. My oldest daughter taught me. It's like your baby is, I'm sure she's teaching you a lot because she has the she can articulate well. My oldest daughter, and so they were five years apart. And so when it was getting really hard, it was of course right before she went to college, she was my coach. She would say, because sometimes my daughter would talk to her, and she would share her heart, not snitching, just give me insight and even say, Well, Mama, you know, because I was very broken when I was raising my oldest. And I had healed that, started counseling all of that. So I was more aware and more checking myself. Because, like you said, a lot of that stuff, it was just unraveling or unbandaging wounds that had really nothing to do with her, and it was just colliding. But my oldest daughter, well, she'll be like, you know, Mama, maybe next time. Or she said, sometimes, Mama, in that moment, she's not hearing anything you say. So how about, even though it may seem disrespectful, how about you just wait till y'all both can breathe and then have that conversation? Because does it have to be made in that moment? She taught me, she's taught me a lot. And then my she helped my daughter learn how to better articulate her feelings, and we start being able to have more talks. So I said that was two, three years ago. It's gotten better. And now she knows how to use her voice in a respectful way, um, to where we can both listen and grow. I can't think of a time that it was negative because I think I did it so much with my oldest, and I saw the potential damage that it was doing because she valued my voice greatly, and I was like, nah, this one already seems to have some brokenness, and I can't, I can't. So um I had to learn, but it was it was a process, and it's still a process. And there's times now, since they're older, I can get in my car and I I roll out. Like, mm-mm. I do not trust girl. You do not, you better not say a word to myself. And I just have to be strategic, very strategic with her. Even now I'll say, hey, you want to go for a ride? Let's go get a slush. Like, I have to be very intentional with her so that she's open. Otherwise, she'll shut it down.

SPEAKER_00 26:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 26:53

And she's worth it.

SPEAKER_00 26:56

I like that. Have you had a chance to thank your daughter for that strategy? Have you had a conversation? Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 27:05

All of it. I thank her for her forgiveness too. I thank her for me not making excuses, but understanding she got a lot of the on heal version of me. And she was able to see. She told me how proud she was of me. Like, mama, because had that been me, I was like, yeah, that would have been a tragedy. But I had time to grow. And now she would be looking like, oh, mama, no, you would have. And so she's she did validate the effort she saw because she knew, and I wasn't abusive or verbally abusive, but because she could handle it, I would just, I could be rowdy with my oldest. Not with my middle. So, and they're they're their own special people. So if you choose, and when you choose to have more babies, I would encourage you to have one or three more. Keep it even numbers. There's no definite middle. Because I mean, honestly, the middle, they sign show. My friends, they they have a special dynamic, and they require, and you probably know that because it's three sisters, is you and two, or it's four of y'all.

SPEAKER_00 28:20

So there are four living. There should have been five of us.

SPEAKER_04 28:28

Before living. So two were middles. So they had a, you don't have a true middle of those who were living.

SPEAKER_00 28:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 28:36

Makes a difference.

SPEAKER_00 28:37

Yes. And I was I was the second, but I was um, I had to act like the oldest. So it's it's a weird dynamic all around. So yeah.

SPEAKER_04 28:50

Um, but I think her a lot of my writing stories, articles, and magazines is it's a tribute to my oldest and what I've learned from her to make me a better mother for the others. I'm glad I had an opportunity to grow, learn, change, and grow, and show that to my younger children. And that it didn't damage my oldest because she understood that I was learning.

SPEAKER_00 29:14

That's she sounds very mature. Um what is she studying?

SPEAKER_04 29:20

Dentistry of all things. She's a social science mind, but her teeth are, man, they are well beautiful. And she's always been fascinated with teeth. So yeah, she wants to be a dentist to educate underserved populations, because our people oftentimes don't understand how your, you know, or hygiene is connected to your holistic health.

SPEAKER_05 29:46

Everything.

SPEAKER_04 29:46

And so she has a passion for that. Well, and she'll be teaching and counseling and all of that through dentistry.

SPEAKER_00 29:53

Yeah, I was like, we need we need that kind of care.

SPEAKER_04 29:56

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 29:57

So, okay, I guess. We still we we still need it. Um, okay, so there are a lot of questions that came up, and I don't know how I want to ask them, but um, so you said that your husband, and I don't want to dig too much into your husband's background. I respect what you respect from him. He was very deep into the Baptist upbringing, but you, on the other hand, were not, and you didn't really get into the um the church uh rearing until you got into college.

SPEAKER_04 30:35

That's great.

SPEAKER_00 30:36

So oftentimes, as a woman, women are raised to be quiet and submissive in the church. And with all the things that were going on, with him working so much and not being home as much, and you having the burden of life on top of being working full-time and trying to pursue your future and your success and parenting and and all the things, all of the things to get where you are today. Did you feel liberated to be able to talk to him about, hey, I need you home or hey, I need you to have some responsibility. I know it can be hard to talk to men and say, This is what I need you to do at home. Did you feel that freedom?

SPEAKER_04 31:38

I had the freedom, um, but I had a complex as well because I was raised, you know, half my life by a single mother. And she taught us, I think, from her heart for my dad, because going into it, she never expected to be a single mother. You don't depend on anybody for anything. And it was so ingrained in us, even when we got married, my sister and I, it was kind of like, you better not don't put, don't put all your hands in a basket. They can switch up in a minute. And so we weren't raised in a Christian home. So it was a lot of things that I think subconsciously were adopted. So then I would ask so much, and I was thinking, anyway, she did it, I could do it. And then I had the Lord. So I was like, and some things I felt like, yeah, it was a lot of dynamics. But I eventually embraced, like during counseling, part of it was my counselor told me, I think you have a superwoman complex. And you've taught him, you've trained him that I got it. Because rather than deal with conflict and back and forth, it was like, you know what? I've asked, I've had the conversation. Never mind. I got it, and I made it happen. And I made it look easy. And so she confronted that in me. Um, part of that. But then even through those conversations and growing and going back, it's like I'm having a conversation, I'm asking. Still ain't being done. So I had to start focusing on what I can control. Because I realized a lot of that came from his upbringing. His dad was the provider. He worked out of time. Now, mind your mama didn't work. And so he just knew about providing. He knew about going to work, and that was the way you show love and support. And I'm like, but your mama didn't work. You know, and so I had to just eventually say, Tiffany, what can you control? And focus on that to keep your peace. But that was a lot of our marital issues as well. It was. And so it was kind of like as they got older, it was like leveling up. Like, cause I'm like, hey, y'all could do more for yourself, you know, because it no matter the stage or age, I think that was gratifying for him. And I also think that was safer. Because as you said, you didn't want a girl. All my children are named Wills because they were all gonna be Willie James the third. Because they were gonna be boys. I was gonna have boys. And every time I saw a vagina on a uh sonogram, I'm like, okay, what are we naming this one? Because I never picked that girl's names. Because I knew girls and I didn't like girls. Most of my friends were boys. And then God gave me girls. It scared me. I know it was intimidating for him, so it was easy to lose himself in work. And because she got it. I'm super woman, right? Yeah. Then I buried that Kate. And I just had to learn how to truly lean on the board. Because I can't say that ever really got better. And yeah.

SPEAKER_00 34:25

We'll leave that. Yeah. Um you said a lot of things that are a lot of words.

SPEAKER_02 34:34

So a lot of words. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 34:40

We said a lot of words, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 34:43

Um that intimidates him too. And my girls are words, especially my oldest, like you said. Uh her words overwhelm me, so I can only imagine. Oh, sometimes he just hides, but a lot of words.

SPEAKER_00 34:58

It was just there are a lot of dynamics that contribute to your where you are now. Um, we we often fall into these traps of what people did in the past, but nobody nobody's living like that anymore. Like most families are multi-working family homes. We can't have the same standards. Um, yeah. Um I'm gonna say, I'm gonna leave it at that um because I don't want to bring my personal thoughts in, because my personal thoughts include some personal people that I promised I would never bring into the conversation on this podcast.

SPEAKER_04 35:54

That's and that's wise. And all we could tell is our story. And so my my efforts of sharing, I try to be very intentional because I get to share my story. And I have characters in my story that play their part. But I am the star. And so I get to share the story according to my to my perception and my experience. And others are free to share theirs part as well. But I do, as far as what I can control, I've always told my children, because we've always had very honest conversations that don't allow what you see to become your standard. Like this is the standard, but all you have control over is yourself. And at some point you have to decide, are you gonna dwell on this, be depressed, sad? Because I went through all of that for a season, or are you gonna live your best life doing what you can do and then learning how, and I'll show that for my wisdom. Learning how to reach out. And now feeling like reaching out is uncovering. Because for the longest, I just wouldn't I wouldn't ask for help. Because what is it gonna look like? Honey, please. Wisdom look like they find me dead. So I had to start saying, hey, whoever thinks whatever, I need help. And I learned to do that.

SPEAKER_00 37:10

And then what would they say if they find you dead and you could have asked for help?

SPEAKER_04 37:16

And they think, and these are people close to me, she never asks. I can only imagine.

SPEAKER_00 37:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 37:22

I can only imagine it hurts, huh?

SPEAKER_00 37:25

So, okay, we're going. I'm gonna wrap up the questioning with this last thought. Because you did, you had an awful lot that you carried. Um but you said you you you basically walked out of that hospital with those three P's that led to peace.

SPEAKER_03 37:56

Yes, that's good.

SPEAKER_00 37:57

The three P's to your path of peace.

SPEAKER_04 38:01

I love that. Let me write that down. That might be a book. That may be a nicer title. That may be a nicer title.

SPEAKER_00 38:08

Because that's what I heard. That's what I heard you say. And you said you entrust me with a lot. And then I heard him say, he he reminded me that he'll never put more on us than we can bear. And I always hated that scripture. I always, always hated that scripture because I'm like, well, how big do you think my shoulders are, God?

SPEAKER_04 38:36

Exactly. And what I heard a wise deacon once say to me, he said, he won't, but you can. And I feel like that was part on me because he wasn't allowing this for me to bear. He gave me community to share, and I chose to bear. Yeah, that was on me.

SPEAKER_00 38:54

I love that. I think that led to your bold boundaries, though. And that's what I wanted to draw from that statement. That one day was all it took for you to step out, get into your own time out, yell out those words, penises, pads, and pull-ups, find you some peace, and then you found yourself with bold boundaries, and you said you found balance with those boundaries, and I just want to know now what with that balance, now what with those boundaries? What does that feel like now?

SPEAKER_04 39:54

It feels like I can control what I can control, and what I've recently said is boundaries that are not enforced or non-existent. And my daughter even reminded me of that when she was just home from college. I'ma don't forget, unenforced boundaries don't exist. So I've learned how to not just create them, but hold them, even when it hurts. Even when I have to say, oh, this is painful, but I'm I gotta preserve me. And I don't say that in a spiritual sense, like I gotta take care of me or anything, but it's up to me to make sure I know where the to draw the line and keep it drawn and not keep moving it and moving it. Because nobody knows. It's not fair to expect from people what I don't uphold for myself. So if I'm willing to do it, then hey, thank you, Tiffany. And I've learned I know what, I know what's on this plate. So it's up to Tiffany to make sure, hey, you're managing this, you're storing in this plate well. Or you're not about to dump that, dude. Noah's a no, it's truly a beautiful sentence. And I can do it with peace, I can do it without guilt, whether it's concerning my children, my mama, my husband, whomever. I've learned how to assess and adjust.

SPEAKER_00 41:17

I love it.

SPEAKER_04 41:18

And yeah, that's what it looks like. And it's daily, it's it's a continuing in that.

SPEAKER_00 41:24

Awesome. I love that. As you were talking, I was reminded of something that happened today. Now, this is a little boundary, but I put it up. I went to the store today, and this is after I left, and my child had a snack. She had multiple snacks. She had a rice crispy treat. She had her sweet and spicy Doritos. And I went to the store and I got me some chocolate. I even picked her up some nuggets because she didn't eat for a long time today. And I kind of had a feeling she wasn't gonna eat the dinner that I was gonna make her. So I got her some nuggets, and then she saw my chocolate and she said, Mom, can I have some? And I said, No. And she said, But mom, why? I said, because it's for me. And she said, But mom, that's not fair. I want some chocolate. I said, but you already had a snack, and this is for me. And usually I'll hide whenever I want my stuff. But I said, no, I'm not hiding. I bought this for me. And I bought it intentionally just for me. And I don't care that you see me eating my chocolate because you already had all your things. And I'm allowed to tell you no. She said, Why can't I have it? I said, Because I bought it for me, and I don't want you to have it because it is mine.

SPEAKER_03 42:49

I love it.

SPEAKER_00 42:50

That is my boundary today. And I no longer do I have to share everything just because you ask for it.

SPEAKER_04 42:58

That is great. Honestly, at that age, it really is good. And it's I know with only children, that's its own dynamic, too. So they've got to learn. Otherwise, they grow up thinking it belongs to me. Everything caters to me and it's not real life. So I love, I'm proud of you.

SPEAKER_00 43:13

Thank you.

SPEAKER_04 43:17

Because it's hard, honey. They'll sniff you down and everything. See, see what you put in the trash.

SPEAKER_00 43:22

And I mean, she came over to me and said, Mom, your butt, your breath smells like chocolate. It sure does. But anywho. I thank you so much for joining us and sharing your her story segment. I had a ball listening to your story. You're, like I said earlier, you truly are poetic. Um, I don't even know if you do it on purpose. I know we talked about you being a writer, but I love it. I I love a fellow writer. It makes me smile. Um, I'm excited to learn a little bit more about your children's book. So whenever I ask you what's going on. I hope that we get to hear about it. Um, but we are about to play Tea Time, if you don't mind. Tea Time is a game of rapid fire. I have a bucket full of questions. And I have some deep questions, and some of them are just for fun. In this game, Tiffany will have three minutes to answer as many questions as she can so that we just get a little bit more insight into who she is. So, with that being said, all right. Three minutes on the clock. First question. What's the worst piece of advice you ever received? Oh, you are muted.

SPEAKER_04 44:53

Sorry. Time heals our wounds.

SPEAKER_00 44:57

We'll talk about that later. What always makes you giggle?

SPEAKER_04 45:05

My girls. I like that. Stuff they do and say it's like, where did that come from? Yeah. They keep it so much.

SPEAKER_00 45:12

That is relatable. Wholeheartedly. Name one book, podcast, or resource that's changed your perspective.

SPEAKER_04 45:22

Oh, so many. I mean, there's so many devotees. There's so many that's hard to say. I love the four agreements. That's something outside of my normal spiritual, the four agreements.

SPEAKER_00 45:36

I think I've I started reading that before. Have to get back to it. What season of life are you in right now? And what is it teaching you?

SPEAKER_04 45:48

Um, I'm in the season of two things can be true. And what it's teaching me is that joy and pain can reside together, and I can learn from them both. As long as I'm willing to embrace them both.

SPEAKER_00 46:03

I like that. What's the best gift you ever received?

SPEAKER_04 46:11

Next to my salvation, my girls.

SPEAKER_00 46:17

Oop, here's a long one. You see a social media post of a controversial parenting choice. Are you the perfect parent troll or the gotta figure out what works for you parent?

SPEAKER_04 46:33

Gotta figure out what works for you. I don't know enough to say anything.

SPEAKER_00 46:38

I probably need to reword that question, but um name your life's Broadway play. The both and the both and okay. I gotta see this one. What's your hidden talent?

SPEAKER_04 47:07

Kind of what you said, like I'm um, I am a poet, but I speak in bars. Sometimes things were just they just come together. That and I played the clarinet for several years, so okay.

SPEAKER_00 47:19

Most people don't know that. What is the last TV show or movie you binge watched?

SPEAKER_04 47:30

The residence.

SPEAKER_00 47:32

I like that one. If fear wasn't a factor, what dreams would you choose right now?

SPEAKER_04 47:41

To pursue full-time entrepreneurship business.

SPEAKER_00 47:45

Yes. I'm down with the cause. Okay. Well, thank you so much for playing tea time. Would you mind explaining? You know what? No, you don't have to explain nothing to me. You said what you said, that was the game. Thank you for playing tea time.

SPEAKER_05 48:09

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 48:11

I'm going to give you back the mic, and I would love for you to share any encouraging words or inspiration that you have for any guests, whether they be a mom, whether they be a dad, or any type of caregiver today that you might want to leave with us before you go. So I'm going to fall back and give you back the floor.

SPEAKER_04 48:33

Create and utilize your streams of support. We often get caught up in streams of income and finances. But when it comes to caregiving on any level, you better figure out and find and use streams of support, whether that's counseling, mentorship, small groups, whatever, because help is available. We just have to be willing to reach out and find out and then follow through with it. Suffering in silence helps no one. And it definitely doesn't allow us to show up as our best. And so you lie streams of support.

SPEAKER_00 49:28

I know I'm silly. Reach out and touch some already said. Sorry.

SPEAKER_01 49:36

Yeah, I can't say the lead side. I regged you and lipsy.

SPEAKER_00 49:41

I was like, yeah, she joined you. Okay. So Tiffany, can you tell us what's next for you? And um, when you're done telling us what's next for you, how can listeners connect with you after today's episode?

SPEAKER_04 50:00

Well, I'm currently launching um my debut book, We Say, and I'm working on the series because my publisher is a visionary, and so she's pushing me forward, um, as well as contributing to the Moments for Mom's Unlocked Spring 2026 um edition. And we just finished launching and releasing Moments for Mom's Volume Four, and now we're getting ready to work on volume five. So working on all of that along with a special project with one of my sisters in Christ that I attend church with. So yeah, just working on a lot while still doing all the things. And I would love, huh? You busy that is an understatement. Um, but they could connect um with me. Um, I am becoming more visible. I used to only be on Facebook, but this journey has expanded me. So on IG, dr dot tsales, Facebook is just Tiffany Sales. Um, my website is dr TiffanySales one word dot com. Um, I have a YouTube channel that's just starting for we say, really. And it's author, Dr. Tiffany Sales. And then my email is Tiffany Sales2024 at gmail.com. So all the ways to reach me, I would love to connect.

SPEAKER_00 51:24

Awesome. So all of these ways will be in the comments in the descriptions below wherever you find these podcasts, your podcast. Um, so if you would like to connect to Dr. Tiffany Sales, please look below and you can connect with her directly from this link. Um, and you know, please stay connected. Make sure you follow her, make sure you comment, make sure you subscribe and stay in the know because you heard how busy she is, and we want to make sure we support her. She's doing big things. And, you know, I would love to follow all of the things that are going on with her, her books, her projects, her kids. I want to talk to her daughter. Shoot. She might have some coaching advice.

SPEAKER_02 52:15

She would love to talk to you.

SPEAKER_00 52:16

She loves to talk. Shoot. Call me girl. No. But Dr. Tiffany, um, I have a few questions that I ask all parents. And so this is like my data gathering that I have. I just want to know, you know, is parenting hard?

SPEAKER_04 52:38

I will say that it is the most challenging, stretching, while also rewarding journey that has grown me up in ways I did not know that I could grow and has increased my reliance and dependence of God like never before. It was a lot tougher than getting my PhD. So hard is perspective, I guess, or relative, very challenging, I'll say.

SPEAKER_00 53:03

Uh-uh, I like that answer. And more challenging than your dissertation. Well, now I know I will not be doing that. But are they still standing?

SPEAKER_04 53:19

By God's grace, they are not only standing, they are thriving. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 53:25

I love it. I love it. What would you like to proudly tell our guest today on the mountaintop?

SPEAKER_04 53:34

This mama is nailing it.

SPEAKER_00 53:37

Oh, yes, she is. That mama, that one right there, Dr. Tiffany Sails, she is nailing it. Yes, she is. So, listeners, if you like this episode and you want to hear more personal parenting stories like that of Dr. Tiffany Sales, please make sure you follow my social media and subscribe at Nailed It Motherhood Podcast on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube. And don't forget to follow us on your favorite podcast platform so that you never miss an episode. I'm trying. I promise I'm trying to do better on TikTok. Keep praying, keep praying. Don't forget to shop all things nailed at Motherhood at our brand new nailed at Motherhood shop where you can grab journals, merch, and more to support our parenting journey as well as your own. We welcome your questions, your comments, and your ideas, and we definitely hope to keep the conversation going. Until next time, keep on doing what it is you do. Smoochies. Bye.