Lights, Camera, Action! Voice for the Voiceless w/ Regina Patterson

Some women spend years trying to be heard. Regina Patterson decided she would never be silenced again.

In Lights, Camera, Action! Voice for the Voiceless, Regina shares how acting, writing, and producing became pathways to healing and self-expression after growing up without the freedom to use her voice. She speaks candidly about chasing her dreams while raising an autistic son, adapting to life's unexpected turns, and continuing to create despite the weight she carries.

This conversation is a reminder that purpose does not disappear when motherhood gets hard—it often becomes clearer.

Listener Note: This episode was slightly altered from its original structure due to major technical issues experienced during recording. Some planned elements were adjusted, but Regina's inspiring story and the core of our conversation remain unchanged.

Tune in and be encouraged by a mother who continues to show up, speak out, and make space for others who have felt unseen.

🎧 Listen now wherever you get your podcasts. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:09

This is the place where we know we are not the experts, but we are simply experiencing all the joys and the jolts, the love and the longing that life as a parent brings our way. On this podcast, we keep it real and raw, and we try to bring our very own recipes to this thing called parenting. Because, you know, we just might need a little taste of what we have to offer. So before we jump into this phenomenal conversation that we have planned today, I just want to thank you all for choosing this podcast to listen to. If you like what you hear, please don't forget to drop a comment, share with another parent, your friends, or even buy me a coffee by clicking on the link in the comments so that you can keep the conversation going. Today, today, today, I have the pure honor of bringing a fellow artist to the platform, a woman of many, many, many, can I say many one more time? Talents who just wants to inspire you to keep going, mama. I am proud to introduce you all to a mama who found herself changing her life so that she could chase her dreams, only to be met with even greater challenges. This lovely, lovely mama, the one and the only Regina Patterson. Hi, Regina. Yay!

SPEAKER_01 1:43

Hi, I'm so excited to be in this building with you. Amen. Wow. And you said my name correctly. That's like 10 points. Come on, El.

SPEAKER_00 1:52

Hallelujah. Oh, thank you, Regina. I cannot explain how happy I am that you are here to talk to us today. Oh my goodness. I met you phew almost 10 years ago, right? 10 years.

SPEAKER_01 2:10

How about that?

SPEAKER_00 2:12

What a play. Oh my gosh, doing what we love to do.

SPEAKER_01 2:17

That's right. That's right. That's right. It was such a pleasure working with you. So um rememberable. And then I remember we went to church um about maybe once or twice. Um, yeah, we we we had a little journey back then, amen. Come on now.

SPEAKER_00 2:31

We come from the part, I forgot all about that, but you are right, you are right. You are my sister. I forgot all about that.

SPEAKER_01 2:40

Hallelujah.

SPEAKER_00 2:41

Yeah, yeah, and we meet again. We meet again.

SPEAKER_01 2:46

Thank you. I'm truly honored to be a part of your podcast tonight. Amen.

SPEAKER_00 2:51

Oh, thank you. And you know, the crazy thing is, I was going to tell you that because of the inspiration that you are, I'm honored that you are here. I mean, I'm truly honored because your story is so powerful. It is so powerful. Like you literally picked up, and I'm not gonna tell your story because that's what your her story segment is for, but it's just very exciting to hear that you really gave up so much as a mom to chase your dreams, but still have to tackle so much as a mom, and then the way life hits you dot dot dot will save that for your time. We'll save that for your time. Yeah. But before we jump into the Javi tale that we do every episode, can you just tell our listeners a little bit about who is Regina? Like, who are you?

SPEAKER_01 3:46

Absolutely. Um, I am a tall, dark-skinned African American um in our early 30s, amen. I just like to think I'm in my 20s still, amen. Um black and bald, come on now. I'm showing off with a little bit of hair today, you know. Yeah, but um, you know, I'm originally from Philadelphia. You know, I I want to say that I traveled the globe really early on um as a child, you know, um being raised in the system, and then I got adopted out, and even then I was still going to, you know, different states, you know, um uh as I was, you know, becoming more of a woman. Um, I lived in Delaware, I lived in Chambersburg, I lived in um Philadelphia, um, New York, uh, Georgia, and you know, now I'm currently in California, Los Angeles, California. So um, and even now, you know, I'm I'm ready to pick up like what's next, you know. Um, but even then, you know, um I was an honorable student, you know, and this is coming from a child, you know, this is coming from someone, you know, myself that wasn't, you know, able to talk as a child. I didn't talk for about uh the first seven years of my life. Um once I got adopted, they did um, they invested a lot of time and you know getting me to communicate and you know, just being, you know, correspondent and things of that nature. Um, and um even then, once I learned how to talk, that is when that that seed that was in me birthed it out. And what I mean by that was um, you know, my grandfather, he would have this camcorder, and every time he whipped that camcorder, that camcorder out, I was in full acting mode. And you know, at that time I didn't have a name, but now that I'm older, I named her Irene. But I will always pretend to be this old lady. Um, and I would have a cane, or you know, I would even ask, can I get like certain stuff from we would go to the dollar store? I would be like, Can I get this cane or can I get these glasses? You know, um, and that was just something, you know, I saw as a child, amen. And in in any time, if it was cold outside, now I'm pretending to be a uh a meteorologist, you know. Um, even then, you know, um, I was grateful that, you know, my grandparents at that time was allowing me to get in front of a camera because every time the news people was around the neighborhood, they would let me go out and I would go out and be in front of that camera and I will put on a full egg. It would be the most saddest thing happening, and I'm over in the camera. You know, and to me, that was, you know, lights camera action, you know. And so eventually um I ended up going to um a public school coming from a military school. I ended up going to a public school in Philadelphia, and that is where my math teacher um introduced me to um one of the cast members in the company that I was in, which was uh JGP at the time. Um, and um I remember she took me to a show and I let her know that when my living environment was really tough, and so you, you know, you you're you're gonna have to bring the cops if you want to get permission to take me out. You know, when she took me out when she took me to this show, and um, I remember I was sitting in a front row and I was about 16, 15 or 16, and right then and there I knew that I wanted to sign up for this um acting production. You know, they were singing, dancing, and things like that. And, you know, I knew they wasn't, you know, my parent, my guardians was not gonna say yes, but um, you know, with just just a just a prayer and uh, you know, a little oil, you know, um, I was able to get into that company. And um, I started off as, you know, being an extra, and I really that was something I looked forward to. I would, you know, make sure I was passing classes, I stayed with my honors, and then um I would go to rehearsal. And um, you know, at that time I was just I had just a little role, sometimes no lines at all, but I knew to act, you know. I made sure somebody from the audience was going to say, girl, you wasn't talking, but you sure did steal that scene. And, you know, that wasn't being boastful, that was in that was a form of encouragement for me, you know, because what does it look like if you are doing something you love and you can't talk, you know, or you know, whatever the rules may be. Amen. And um, and then once I got my first lead role, it was a wrap, you know. Um, I started taking my acting career more serious. I started doing like, you know, like bootleg classes, you know, it wasn't like um legit classes, but it was people who were higher than me, further than me, and their talent that was able to guide me and show me and teach me, amen. And um, yeah, right, right after that, and even during that journey, I was still team no kids, you know. Um, I was I I was, you know, following my dreams, and you know, I was young, so I'm like, yay, I get to be outside, you know. Um, you know, I moved away um from where my living situation at a really young age. Um, school started in September. I turned 18 in October and I was already out of there. You know, I had already, I was already preparing for the move. The the entire summer, I'm looking up apartments, and anytime I was supposed to be at work, I'm gonna go look at an apartment, you know, things like that. And um, you know, I just remember, you know, um, a lot of times people were always asking me to watch their children. And and let me tell it, I believe it's a spiritual thing. Like you can sit up here and be like, I don't like kids. I mean, ugh, you know, but that when you get around, they they come to you, you know, and if your spirit rejects up, the kids will let you know, you know. And um, I remember I was babysitting for money a lot of the times. Um, you know, um, I remember taking a kid with me to rehearsal, you know, and so that was that was my drive for a long time. And then um, it, you know, it pretty much stayed in me because even while I was growing up, a lot of people would say things like, Oh, girl, you were such a drama queen, you should get into acting. And it was like, you know, at that time I'm in fourth and fifth grade, and you couldn't tell me I wasn't gonna be on Disney Channel when everybody was telling me that, you know. Amen. But um, yeah, that was something that I looked forward to. It was like my therapy, I would say, um, with everything that I was encountering um at the house. And then um, what happened? And then I graduated, amen. Graduated with a 3.7 wootzwoots, amen. Glory to God. I was almost at that 4.0, and um, I was looking forward to going into the military, and then um I ended up going left in life, but I did go to college. I did go to college, I uh took up criminal justice and then um computer tech, didn't complete due to the going left, but I went. I got to experience college, amen. So um that was a beautiful journey. That was a that was a beautiful journey. So I knew that you know, um, after high school, that that was something I was gonna I was going to do, which was pursue acting and eventually walk into um producing and directing all that that it count it, all that it came with acting, amen. And so um, once I became adult, that's when I became an author, um, producer, and writer. Um, and I'm looking forward to you know, even growing even more and just learning. So um, yeah, I go by Regina, the actress. Amen. Glory.

SPEAKER_00 11:10

I love that. Um, so I do find it very interesting that your story started with the fact that you really didn't talk, you couldn't talk, you were silenced, if we want to say that. Um to now you are someone who can't be silenced, and you are you use your art to advocate for yourself and for others, and I love that. I always am drawn to those kind of stories where you know the enemy tries to shut us down. And I always say, I was just reading, um my sisters and I are doing a Bible study, and we were just reading how you know the brothers tried to kill Joseph, um, but then they decided to s um to put to sell him um into slavery instead. And I think about the things that he became by making this decision to sell him instead of killing him. And then like I think about that, and I'm like, you probably should have killed him instead of selling him, but then also if you had killed him, he would not have brought you out.

SPEAKER_01 12:26

That's right. Come on.

SPEAKER_00 12:27

You should have you like you think about the enemy, and you're like, You should have killed me when you had the chance. Amen.

SPEAKER_01 12:32

Amen.

SPEAKER_00 12:32

You should have kept me quiet when you had the chance, but think about all the people that you're delivering by using your gift, amen. So, anywho, you're talking good, baby. Thank you for sharing.

SPEAKER_01 12:42

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 12:43

I know it's not what I'm supposed to be doing here. I'm just trying to open the platform for you.

SPEAKER_01 12:48

Oh, okay.

SPEAKER_00 12:49

But but thank you for introducing who you are. Um, you're a beautiful person, and I'm just excited that you are here. Um, but we are going to jump into your herstery segment in just a moment. But my listeners and the podcast people would be very upset with me if I did not talk about my baby during our episodic TaVTale. So let me jump into our TaVe for the day. Today I'm gonna do something different, listeners. Today I'm not going to tell a singled out story. Today I'm going to speak of a sentiment about my child. Um, I came across a memory today on Facebook. And in that memory, Tavia uh a picture came up with an excerpt from a clip or blog that I wrote maybe six years ago, five or six years ago, and I read it to myself and I just said, I needed this today. Because sometimes I'm just like my child is so irking and so annoying, but also so much uh a lifesaver for me. So I want to read it and just kind of reflect on what I said. These are words that I said years ago when she was born. So I want to read it. When you force my arms around you while we watch TV, you remind me that it was you who forced me to stay the course. When you mimic a task that you saw me do days before, you remind me that you are watching me, and for that I have to try to live my best life in front of you. When you formulate sentences and repeat new words that you are learning, you remind me that my drive and dreams can't stop because it limits your knowledge and understanding of the world around you. And so these are words that I spoke to my baby girl when she was probably one, uh, maybe two, and she just was like my shadow. She sat up under me all the time, and she's doing that again. Um, but she's maturing, she's six, and she just wants to be up under me all the time, and she wants to do what I do. She wants to put makeup on when I put makeup on. She wants to understand the Bible whenever I understand the Bible, when I'm listening to the Bible. She wants to um watch the things that I want to watch, but she also wants to be her own person and she's growing up. Um, so I just have to remind myself that everything that I do she's watching. And thank you so much for listening to my Toby Tale. I don't know what it is, I think it's the age that I'm becoming that I'm like extra sentimental. But you know, I saw that and I was like, my baby is really a truly a blessing to me, and she's teaching me so much in life. So I had to share that moment with the world because as much as I complain and stress about her, she's really me teaching, she's really teaching me new lessons all the time. So thank you for listening. But we are here today to listen to Regina's Her Story segment, and I am thrilled to fall back and hear what it is that you came to tell us today about your personal parenting journey. So, Regina, are you ready to take the mic and share your journey with us?

SPEAKER_01 16:33

Indeed, I am. Indeed, I am. I just hope you just let me know when I gotta hush it up, okay? Come on now, somebody. Oh man. Um, so I wanna I wanna begin with, you know, um, when I found out that I was pregnant, you know. Um, I remember during that time I was living in West Philly, but I was working all the way up brawn in the boulevard at a fast food. You know, I've been passed 30 checkers, and here I am at a checkers. And at that time, who was uh, you know, my childhood best friend who is now my son's godmother, um, I remember she said specifically, you need to get pregnant. So that'll calm you down, that'll slow you, you you just need to have a baby, and here I go. ATT blackout, uh-uh no. And then, you know, um, and and and I wanted to, and if I could just, you know, of course, be totally honest that I had, you know, call it, you know, for lack of vocabulary. I feared of getting, you know, pregnant because of the healing that I went through in foster care and just, you know, growing up, and I hadn't gone through the you know, the healing of being stripped from that. And so a lot of times when I would say things like, Oh, I can me having a baby, child, please, you know, it came on, it came from me holding on to this baggage. A lot of parents, my mothers, they don't even talk about that. They just be like, nope, nope, mm-mm, kids, uh, you know. And so um, when I ended up getting pregnant by um my son's father, who I who I've known for over 20 plus years, I stopped counting after 19 or 20, but you know, um, when we became with child, he was not ready at all. But I knew that I had a decision to make, amen. Now, it's either I'm going to be on this Regina wave where I'm just like, look, okay, I'm going right to the vacuum place. Y'all got to do something with this jellyfish. Or am I going to embrace the you know, um the journey that I signed up for? And so um I remember everybody um besides my besides my son's godmother, but you know, my brother and you know, even my son's father, you know, people that knew that I was being a firecracker at their time was like, uh girl, you should don't keep, don't keep that, you know. And one thing that I've always had, even when I was in the world, was my walk with Christ. And so I um I went into prayer for three days straight. And I, if I'm not mistaken, it was probably the third day because my brain's racing right now, but it was about the third day where um I I got up and um I went downstairs and it was nighttime. It was probably like two o'clock in the morning, and I seen a shadow of a baby hand waving at me, and I broke down crying. You know, I took all of that in, and I knew that that was like I I turned around like it's no baby. Uh and where I was standing in the kitchen is literally kitchen balcony, and then across all the way over, is the neighbors. So I'm just making sure that I'm not like going crazy. So I'm looking around like, okay, and you know, I embraced that moment with um, you know, tears, and you know, I just felt like I just got a hug from the Lord, you know, and I knew that that meant that regardless of me not having a place to stay, regardless of me, I think I was working, still working at Checkers, you know, regardless of all of these things that I felt that I wasn't qualified for, didn't matter. God had showed me that, you know, and then um, yeah, and then once I uh got pregnant, I started taking uh pregnancy classes. It was this place down South Philadelphia that were, you know, um, I don't even know how I got enrolled in that, but I was taking print pro uh parental classes, and um, you know, um, it was this Caucasian lady, she was really young. I was her first client, and um, it was a beautiful journey. I was blessed to get um a free uh plaque pack and play, a car seat, some really cool things, you know. And then um I remember when I had the gender reveal. When I had the gender reveal, even then I was about seven months pregnant, and again, I still was not full, I had still gone through that full healing, amen. Um, and so when I had the gender reveal, and I remember when um, you know, I popped the balloon and there was a boy, and that's something that I wanted because I feared that if I have a girl, that I it I it was gonna be a mess. Like, oh my gosh, am I gonna make her live in a bubble? I don't want nothing to happen to her. I mean, do she gotta go to daycare? Oh my god, like my brain, I don't know why I felt like that. Um, I mean, I knew why, but you know, the way my brain or the way my brain was orchestrating at that time when it came to being pregnant with a female, it just didn't sit right with me. I just swore up and down I was gonna give her up for adoption if in fact my son was a girl. And so when I popped a balloon and it was a boy, I remember I caught the Holy Ghost. I mean the ghost, I mean a holy ghost party was up in the I mean I lost it. I almost went a labor messing around, and so um I was really I was really thankful. I was grateful. I went, you know, I I was thankful that God moved in my favor, so I thought. And so um, um, yeah, and so um I remember I did not have a reliable living situation, but I was working full time and I was determined, you know. God said that I was gonna have somewhere to live when I had this baby, and so um I had uh Uh, my son in June. I got the apartment April the 30th. I had the baby shower May, the first week in May. So when my son came, I was I was fully equipped. You know, um, I I I had the house, you know, I I had a nursery room that was something that I never saw for myself. Like, what a little baby room. I I took the time to set it up, you know. My son's godmother. Um, she helped me set up the baby room, and you know, I was looking forward to, you know, becoming a mother. And um, it was so it was so many thoughts, so much that happened with my body and my love for this child that I hadn't met. You know, um, I already knew that he had ADHD, you know. I I was wondering how big is the womb? How can he do these things in here? I mean, he was running the book, he was running the boat. Amen. And so um I ended up uh, you know, uh going to Lincoln all. Um I went to Lincoln all and I went for a regular appointment. And at that time, um, they told me that um I had to come back to give birth because my blood pressure was high, and that was like alarming to them. And I was like, okay, so I can't just drink some water, like, wait, I'm not ready, you know. And they like, no, see you in a few hours. And so I remember I went home and I remember them telling me that I wouldn't be able to eat. So I went home and ate all this food. And um, my son's father was on board that time, and um, I remember we ate a lot, and then um we went to the hospital, and um he was, you know, back and forth. And I remember we were playing cards, we were playing Uno watching Family Guy, and that's when my water broke. And because I didn't know what that warm, beautiful, hot feeling was coming out of me, I thought it was a baby, and I flipped the blanket. I was like, it's coming. Oh my gosh, there's water. I don't know. Go get you know, I was so dramatic. Like, let me tell it, it was cameras involved, okay? You couldn't tell me I wasn't with a lifetime movie, okay? And so um the doctors were letting me know that it was just my water, etc., etc. And then um, day two, um, six o'clock in the morning, they woke me up to let me know that I was on I was not gonna be able to push because that thing wasn't opening up. And I was like, I did everything they said. They said get jiggy with it. They said walk the underground railroad, walk back, drink cast the oil, orange juice with I mean, what you mean it ain't opening up? I did everything right before I got here, actually. You know, and so um I remember breakdown crying, and because I had to get a C-section and I was looking for it, and he was over there asleep, and then my son's godmother woke him up, and then they went back and forth about who was going to be in the room with me when it cut me open, and you know, it just at the time seemed to make sense, you know, let the father in, you know, whatever. And so um I remember um I was talking to him and they were playing gospel where with the place where um I mean the the surgical part or whatever, they were playing gospel, and I just felt like you know, this was God just showing me, you know. And um, and again, you know, regardless that my son's father, who I considered uh, you know, a childhood best friend, like regardless of what it didn't matter. Like, that's why I'm like, it don't y'all go here argue that out. I know I'm going in here and I'm about to be my real best friend, you know? And so they were playing gospel, and then um when they took my son out, my heart skipped a beat, you know, it had uh what what they call it, pipitate uh palpitation, you know, forget my leg vocabulary. But um, you know, my heart like skipped a beat. And when they took him out, he was crying, and I started crying because I'm like, oh my gosh, my mini me is out, he's here, you know. And uh my son's godmother is uh how my son was named. His name is Messiah. Um, I was gonna name him Josiah or Josiah, but um, yeah, I she named him and I um, you know, uh I sat in the hospital and I was still in college at the top in the hospital, you know, and just um yeah, just um admiring, you know, what God had blessed me with. Amen. Um I remember the first day, like that day, that morning, all the way up until the next day, I did not sleep. Um apparently I was in um shock. Um, you know, I was I was in a form of shock. So I didn't sleep for 24 hours. I was just staring at them and you know, just nurturing them and things like that. But um, I forget the proper word they were calling it. But um, yeah, we just want to say pro-spartum shock. I don't know. But um, yeah, so I was in, you know, I would I didn't go, I stayed, you know, just being mesmerized at him for about 24 hours, and then, you know, they put they gave me something that knocked me out, so I was able to go to sleep. Amen. And then um my journey began of being a mother, you know. He came home, and you know, um, some of the people that came to visit him when he fresh was out is still in his life today. Um, sort of kind of. Well, at least they still in my life. My son got he don't do too good remembering people. Um, but um, yeah, he's uh so I came home and you know, I started the journey of becoming a mother, a first-time mother, and being as though, you know, I was around a lot of babies, you know, coming up and you know, in my adulthood, um, it wasn't it wasn't nothing unfamiliar to me. You know, it was to the fact that I had people tell me, like, slow down when I when I would change my son. He'd be like, You, you come, wait a minute, he five seconds out, you know, and let me so that I've been doing this for so long. You know, and so um it was just, you know, it was it was a connection that I made sure to already build, you know, um, after you know, seeing him. And I remember when we was in the hospital, I was like, is this eyes supposed to be open like this? Like, you know, because I had seen so many newborns. But anyway, um, so I began my journey of being a first-time mom when I was living over there in the Logan section of Philadelphia. Um, it was beautiful, you know. I, you know, I had family looking out for me, taking me to appointments. I was, you know, it was new to me doing the wig thing and you know, getting checkups and things like that. And then um, yeah, I mean, all the memories is a lot of things that I still carry in my mind from when my son would make me laugh. I'm like, oh, when he was six months, he did this, and you know, um, you know, it was really it was a beautiful stage, and then I had moved to New York, and then um I ended up back in Philadelphia, and um, yeah, I I really just you know took those walks, took those steps to, you know, learn someone that you know God blessed me with. When uh must when my son turned about one, I knew my son was different. Well, I knew he was different when he was about eight months old. Granted, granted, everybody in my son, on my son's my son, my my son's father's side, they all are special. They all are special, and I don't mean that with shade. You know how some parents be throwing little shots, you know how we talk sometimes. But no, but a lot of the children on that side of the family um came with disabilities, amen. So when my son didn't walk, it, you know, what you know what they would consider as a normal, you know, balance for children to start walking, I'm like, wait a minute. And then he didn't talk. Um, you know, he did a lot of body language, and I was, I just knew how to understand him without him talking, you know, and then um I reached out to, you know, it was, I believe it was his start, and you know, they were telling me, like, you know, um, I forget what the proper word, first start, his start, something like that. And he were telling me things like, you know, your son um just needed to be evaluated. And so when he was about two, that's when he started walking. He was 22 months um when he started walking. And um, I remember, you know, uh my spiritual sister in Christ, she uh prayed over him, and then um he talked. He talked, and his first words was hi. And he used body language when he did it. Like it wasn't just like hi, he knew it was it was just like he knew, or let me tell it, the Holy Spirit jumped in them bones. You know, he turned around and used body language and he had spoken. I was all crying, and you know, it was a whore deal. And then um, you know, I went on the journey of you know, getting my son all the therapy and everything that he was going to need to um prosper. Um, as he as he got older, I started to notice that I was as a mother, I was doing things unknowingly because of my history of being around children, raising other people's children. And what I mean by that is although my son um is autistic, you know, I started to allow people that, and this is something that I don't I can't stand now, because now I I'm walking in my truth, but at that time I was allowing people, even down to a pastor, you know, I've had people say, like, oh, ain't nothing wrong with that baby, and you know, oh, he'll grow out of it. And and I'm just like, I'm over here being defensive. I'm like, well, that's why my son's father, whole family is like that, you know, because they were all walking around, oh, nothing. And and my son's father, to this day, I'm always saying, Are you sure you can't still get a check to this day? And so I knew that, you know, being autistic, you know, wasn't I I just didn't have that feeling to walk in agreeing agreement with what other parents and what other people was telling me. And so had I took that way, that there wouldn't be, I'm sure my son I I can only imagine, amen. And so what I did was I decided to take my walk of learning who my son was by myself because I didn't I that whole going back and forth of oh, just pray it out. And I'm praying, I'm God is I'm praying for God to give me the tools, amen. And so um I eventually ended up moving to Georgia, and um that's when my son bloomed, you know. I was taking classes so I can learn more about autism. I was doing my research, and you know, my I realized that my son, when he would get upset at that time, um, when he would get upset, he would do sign language, you know. Um, it was things where, you know, spiritually he would let me know, you know, that person wasn't a good person to be around, or you know, what I would eat. It was just a walk that I had to do along with my son. And one thing that I realized that I began doing was trying to make him something that he was not. And, you know, as being a mother of a child who is autistic and actually being in, um, you know, being in these groups that I am, that other mothers who are also who have unique children that are autistic, is that a lot of our thoughts are the same. We are, well, at that time, I was trying to make my son something he wasn't by trying to make him normal. And I only say normal for lack of vocabulary, amen. I was trying, I'm like, the world is not gonna see you as autistic, so I'm determined to to raise you this way because the world is not gonna see you the way you are, you know, and so I had to make the alteration of no, the world is gonna see you the way if they don't, if the if you they say hi and they want to get an attitude because you don't want to speak, because you automatically shut down, and you know, you do all this cool stuff when you're meeting people, you know, then that's just who you are. I stopped doing those like Messiah speak. No, you know, he this is it it he feels unprotected. This is a stranger to him, and then when it came to reading and learning, and I'm like, okay, I'm going back and forth to his therapist and this the speech teacher, and I'm like, okay, nothing is sticking. What is the ingredient to make his, you know, because I'm teaching him the way that I feel that uh mother should teach their child on how to read, you know, this is you know, A for Apple, you know, I'm doing all this cool stuff, but that's not how his brain works, that's not what sticks, you know. And so fortunately, you gotta jump on one foot, put your hand over your back, and and hop scotch to the wall, and that is how he learned how to spell Apple. So if I'm gonna sit around people that's gonna say, Well, you ain't gotta do all that, well, then my son, good luck, him get him going to college, you know. And so I decided to change that environment, you know, um, and really just tap all the way into, you know, what it was like to be a mother to an autistic child. Um, that with me doing my homework on the side, my own research, my, you know, involving myself in these groups, um, it made me, it made my son and I relationship a lot closer. Um, I wasn't as frustrated, you know. Um, it was because and and and it's so you know amazing that you know it's the same thing with our walk with Christ. You know, when we don't understand something, we become frustrated versus like all right now. Hold on now. God, I know you are up to something. It is a reason why this boy is banging his head on the wall. You know, you're stopping him from banging his head on his wall, but if that's the way he says I'm hungry, well, let's find another way. Versus yelling at him to stop it if he thinks this is the way he should be saying I'm hungry, you know, and so with all of that, you know, I decided to um advocate for my son. I became a huge voice for him, you know, um, to his teachers and things like that, you know, to the fact that, you know, teachers were asked will ask me things like, um, you know, is he trying to be, and it's like, he's not trying to be smart. This is his brain. And if you already got a whole thick packet that's thicker than an encyclopedia about who this kid is in your class, why are we coming to me like mom? I just don't I and it's like, and now now I gotta now I now I gotta seem like I'm being a little defensive. I'm like, okay, well, did you get the packet that had the IEP? Oh, yeah, I did notice he had an IEP. Okay, so I believe he's not in the right class. Okay, well, we're three months in, and here you are telling me you you're trying to figure out why he can't get 10 spelling words down, and I and I, and in the IEP, it says he only can get three down, and that's that's to save you some time, you know. That's just the way his brain works. I don't know, you know. Um, and so it was a lot, it's a lot of back and forth, you know, to be a voice to somebody who wants to be their own voice. Of course, my son is wants to raise his hand and participate in the class, but the way he's the way he operates, he daydreams about 4,000 times. And by the teacher, even notices that you know, my son didn't collect any of the information that she just taught. You you just realize you just wasted three hours of your time, you know, and that's me talking to a special teacher. He got like four teachers, you know. Um, but it can become overwhelming, you know, because like I said, if you are around people who don't have the understanding of what autism is, you know, you're gonna be talking to a wall. A lot of people think that autism is uh um um is a similar, okay, hold on, is a similar disability um of those who have children with damn syndrome. Amen. And so of course, when you look at my son or just other people whose disabilities don't show on the outside, it's like, okay, once they got to know my child, or once they get to know these children, it's like, okay, okay, so I noticed that he was moving different or she was moving different, you know, etc. etc. You know, um, not every mother is being dramatic, you know. Some children only eat lettuce and bread. And it's like, well, ain't no way they smelling them neck bones, terry chai, vegan chick. Ain't no way they can smell all of that. And they, yeah, well, you know, depending on the level of the spectrum that they're on, you might get you a kid that only eat lettuce and bread, you know. So, um, and that's even with you stressing out the fact, like, uh, you don't want this cracker? Okay, uh, do you want this? Okay. Uh, you know, you finding out, you know, learning all these cool kicks, you know, just like we change every season, you know, the more God elevates us in our walk and you know, all these things, we go through changes. Say it with with autism, it's like you you're lucky when a change happened. It's a little split. It's like, okay, so we go from bread, lettuce, and now we're on to crackers. That's what I'm talking about. Yeah, yeah. You know, um, I was grateful that my son loved vegetables. That was his thing. Instead of neck bones or whatever else that I was eating at that time, it was a bowl of vegetables. You know, um, where we we are we are where we are at today with communication, or you know, if it's something wrong, you know, he still is not gonna say, Mommy, that little boy just kicked me in my arm, and that hurts, you know. You gotta be watching him the whole time. You know, I'm lucky when I can take a little sip of my wine. I'm like, what happened? You know, all right, party over, you know. Um, cause just that fast, he won't, he will go the whole day. How you got that knot on your arm? I don't know, you know, and you know, you and then you got the mothers that's comparing, like, oh, but that's just what boys do. Okay. Thank you. You know, and so that's something else I had to walk into. It's a different form of patience because I'm no longer about to go back and forth with you about who this person is. You know, it read a book. I don't, you might gotta do something. If I said it, all right, he's autistic. That's it, that's all. Why why are we breaking down, you know? Well, how come he can still play at the park? And like I mentioned before, a lot of people feel that autism is the same as Down syndrome. And so now I'm over here doing a lesson in a park while I'm watching my son with my one eye while I was trying to minister to this person. They're asking a million questions. But I be for it. I be for it. Sometimes they be being sarcastic or smart. I be for it, you know. Um, because somebody who lack understanding will automatically be like, Oh, I didn't I mean I didn't mean to defend you, uh offend you or defend you or anything. It's like, I'm not, I ain't, I ain't defended. You don't know no better, baby. That's all. And so the older my son got, I learned the level of my patience grew, you know. Um, and so I feel like I give my son more free will because I'm holding on to that little thing he didn't have, which was a voice. So um things that I thought that I was getting away with by having a boy, you know, I'm like that. He's a little Regina. Indeed, he is. So when he is being sarcastic or, you know, um, you know, that sarcastic that's that sarcasm is a bit much, you know. And I remember learning that growing up, like, that's not cool, that's not good. And it's like, I don't even know why my brain just, I don't know. It just I don't know, it's funny. But now I have a little mini me, and he's just as sarcastic as can be. And me, when I'm being sarcastic, of course, and I'm a dope, I'm intentional, but when he's saying things like something as simple as, you know, um, I'm like, uh, Messiah, did you did you um did you get them clothes off the floor in the bathroom? Well, did you see the clothes on the floor in the bathroom? Um, you know what? I didn't. I was just making sure that, you know, you actually did what I said, honey. Okay, yeah. You know, but it's funny, you know. I just try my hardest not to let him see me laughing. Because when he makes me laugh, he keeps he does it, he go, he does it over and over again. Like, mommy, that made you laugh. That made you laugh when I say go get it yourself off the bathroom, you know, something of that nature. So, you know, I get a kick out of him, you know, walking into his identity of, you know, being a little being a little uh sarc sarcastic bumblebee, you know. Um, but there are moments where you know I grow, I I've become frustrated. Um, and it's because I want to get it right so bad, you know. I'm just like the last thing I want to is you know be doing my acting on on book tour, and my son is over here like, well, this person you left me with don't even get me. And I'm like, they they they seem like I thought we had, you know, and so um I'm really adamant about, you know, of course, still following my career as being an actress, you know, um, there were times where you know I had to bring my son on set when I was doing film, you know, and because he was immute, I took advantage of that. I'm like, you have nothing to worry about. Like, you know, some kids they they get excited, like, oh, you know, they be excited that they don't know that they're being a bug. Then they come and ask you, mommy, can I go to the bathroom? Can I get such a drink? You know I'm on set, you know. And because you already asked your director or the producer or whoever, the team, if you could bring your child, that's expected. That's expected for a child to be like, mom, or they're asking a stranger and it's like, ma'am, um, break, uh, play on the play. Little baby gotta go to the bathroom, you know. Um, and so I I love that, you know, bringing my son to rehearsals or um, you know, actually bringing him on film sets where he's not causing any ruckus, it's like, yeah, oh, we can do this, you know. Um, and even then I wanted to know like if my son had like that acting thing, that seed that I have in me. Um, he knows that's something he wants to do, but he hasn't like fully walked into it as far as like just really being out there, like, okay, this is what you're gonna have to say, you know. Um, but I'm I'm you know, I'm praying that, you know, we can get some skizers and little something, something going on. We be we we do a little something, something. But um, you know, being a mother and still while juggling your career, you know, because when it's your career, you're building it brick by brick, you know, you're making sacrifices, you're you're making this journey. Of being a mother in an artist or whatever it is that your career is, in my case, artist, you know, um, it makes it a little difficult, which also causes frustration. You know, that when I began my um, when I went full throttle into my acting, my son had to go live with his father. And if y'all could see the way my eyes got big, baby, when I tell you I went, I fasted, that was probably the longest fast that I ever did in my life. I'm fasting, I'm praying, I mean, I'm having my my soul sisters come and come and lay hands on me and my son. I'm like, you know, but I was adamant about being obedient to God. Amen. And that's that's where it doesn't make the war so hard. You know, for my son to live with his father for two years and me being a one always visiting, I would come and visit him about every two months. And that was hard, challenging, of course, in the beginning, but we ended up being on the same page eventually, you know. But um, that did set my son back a bit because of his, you know, um, you know, of his of his spectrum of being delayed, you know, but we we he's back like never before, back on track, you know, back back to loving to learn and things of that nature. But um, it takes a village, you know. Um, it's okay to be picky about your village, you know. Um, sometimes we got to assess who it is that God put in position for our village. Um, you know, and like I said, you know, my son's father and his family, um, and the groups and the the places that I've been to um, you know, accumulate this village, you know, it brick by brick. That's what it takes, you know, brick by brick. And so um, you know, me thinking that I was getting away with, you know, thinking I was getting away with murder, having a a son and just for him to come out, uh his personality is so much like mine. I'm like, hold on, wait, hold on, Lord, I thought we had a thing going, you know, but um, yeah, you it having being a full-time parent, you know, um, it it kept me in line, you know. It helped me for my healing, it it showed me a different level of love, you know. Um, like I said, I thought I was getting away with murder, having a boy, you know, and just for God to give me a little, I mean, the little boy is just like me. And I was like, well, hold on. I thought I thought we had something going. I thought we were here, you know. But um, I'm grateful because, you know, because of him, I don't necessarily know there would have been a book tour. I don't know if I would have kept going my act, and I probably would have felt deep into the devil's playpen. I don't know, you know. I just know that I was dancing with the devil a little bit before, you know, I got before I conceived, you know. Um but the amount of patience that, you know, I've I could just, you know, encourage a mother to say, like, you know, autistic, ADHD, ABC, QFG, whatever, you know, love on these little human beings like never before. Because as I'm getting more understanding of how this thing works with him, I can't say for everybody, like, oh, I got it. I can, yeah, if you're autistic, put me on, I can show you the way. No, I just know all the pre-pockless that it took for nurturing and learning, you know, um, my son. Amen.

SPEAKER_00 47:50

Yeah, amen. That was a journey in itself with technology. But I got a lot of notes, so that this is good. Um a lot of notes, like a lot, so this is good.

SPEAKER_01 48:14

Um, okay, and I'm like, all right, so I'm just gonna repeat myself so she can get that note too, you know. Amen.

SPEAKER_00 48:26

I I appreciate your professionalism. Um because I think because you and I are in this industry, you were able to just keep going. So I appreciate that. Um, I I found it so cool when you shared that you were able to take your son on set with you, um, that he expressed some interest in sharing the love that you have on set in acting. So, how did your son communicate with you that he was interested in possible in a possible acting stent that is truly exciting that you might have the same shared passion?

SPEAKER_01 49:13

So I remember very vividly, you know, um, at that time I was doing my content creating um Irene, my content creator, my content creating, I was doing my content creating stuff um on social media, and at that time my character was an elder lady, and I named her Irene. And at that time, you know, my son had found that so fascinating that I was transforming into this old lady, and so um he just I seen how comfortable he had gotten when I would like set up all the ring cameras, and you know, sometimes I would do it in public, and I was just seeing how he was like adjusting to that, and he really he had a good old time, you know. He was in character, you know, seeing uh Nana and things like that, you know, because he called his real grandma grand, you know. But um, he was he just had he just fell in, like he just started doing it, and I was just like, Okay, yeah, we can do this, we can do this, yeah. And um, and then there was another time where we were actually watching television, and it was a cartoon movie that I can't think of this second, because my brain is doing a million. But um, we were watching this film and he's like, Mommy, I want to be on TV. And I was like, You want to be on TV? You gonna be on TV, amen. And so um, that was when he really, you know, you know, put out there that he wanted to add, you know. Um, but him just like kind of just diving in when I was doing um the Irene character, you know. So my boy, he's gonna be on TV.

SPEAKER_00 50:52

You said you had a different level of patience that you had to wear many hats at the same time, especially when you have parents who don't quite understand how autism works. Um, and you're also trying to keep a close eye on your son while you're watching him at the playground, but you also want to advocate for his differences. What strategies do you use to take care of yourself when you feel overwhelmed while you're wearing so many different hats at the same time?

SPEAKER_01 51:32

You know, to take care of myself due to me wearing many, many hats, um, I feel that um one of the things that I that I think about in t with intention is that I'm not the only person. I'm not the only person who may have worked that day. I'm not the only person who may have gone to school that day. I'm not the only person who a car may have cut off, you know, and still gotta come home and you know, do homework, ex how your day was, you know, adjusting all of my feelings so that I could nurture um my little mini mini. Amen. And so one of the things that um I learned um as a technique from my prenatal class, my prenatal, my my parenting class was um breathing exercises. Um, I would find myself many, many times, and I do mean many, many, and my son is let him tell it, nine and a half years old, um, is um breathing exercises. I have found my myself having to walk away um and breathing in and out and prayer. Um, I am a firm believer um of Jesus Christ. I I believe so wholeheartedly of um the tools that it takes to raise a child, and I believe that my child is a gift, a blessing from God. So it matters how I treat him, you know. And so when I find myself getting frustrated, of course he gets he he he gonna learn that mama gets upset sometimes, but um before I go to a 20, I come down to a 17. No, I'm just kidding, but no, seriously, I I bring it down a couple notches, and that's my walk away, you know. Um once I realized that you know I had to join a group where there are other mothers who are experiencing unique children such as my child, and not share with mothers who don't understand because that mattered, you know, it it grew more frustration with me because I'm trying to vent, I'm trying to, I'm like, oh, so I mean, right, he keeps A B C D in, you know. And you know, some of the thoughts, some of the things that I was saying was not healthy, you know. Um, and that's because I was overwhelmed. I'm I'm doing this, I'm doing that, I'm doing this, I'm doing that. And then it's like, okay, what we gotta do before the balloon pop? Don't you don't even gotta end the needle for that thing to pop? It's gonna just the air gonna come out naturally. Okay, what what do we got to do? And there were times where I felt myself go there, and I had to learn that when I go there, because I'm doing this, I'm doing that. What do what does that look like for Regina? So I don't lose my mind. So the story isn't, oh, my mom used to do homework like this, and now I mean it's a trigger for her, you know. No, you know, what can I do to exercise? And so I'm always challenging myself, and that's also a strategy of mine as well. Um, what can I do to challenge myself? Like, all right, well, if I said it like this last time, he didn't catch it. Uh okay, yeah, I forgot the teacher did say, you know, these are things that I'm I'm continuously being mindful of because, like I mentioned before, the village that I had to create in order to have that balance of, you know, knowing how to care for my son, you know.

SPEAKER_00 55:25

Regina, tell us what's next for you and how can people connect with you after today's episode?

SPEAKER_01 55:34

As of right now, you can follow me on Instagram at written by dot regina. That's w-r-i-t-t-e-n b y dot r-e-g-i-n-a. Written by dot regina on Instagram and it's Gina Patterson on Facebook.

SPEAKER_00 55:57

I will make sure that I have all of those links in the comments below, so please make sure you check out the comments and follow Regina right below. Click on those links and you can start following today. Well, Regina, I have to thank you so much for joining us on Nailed It Motherhood Podcast. We could probably sit here and talk all day long if we had the time and the platform to do so. But we just thank you for choosing this platform to share. It was a true pleasure having you here, especially as you are fighting so much in your life currently. You are always a true joy to be in the presence of. So I thank you for choosing us to share your parenting journey. Uh, thank you, thank you, and thank you again.

SPEAKER_01 56:53

Thank you so much for having me.

SPEAKER_00 56:57

What do you want to proudly tell our guest today? This mama is nailing it. Y'all heard it right from her mouth. This mama is nailing it. If you like this episode and you want to hear more personal parenting stories like Regina, make sure you subscribe to my social media, Nailed It Motherhood Podcast, on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube. And don't forget to follow us on your favorite podcast platform. We also have a website that is nailed at motherhood podcast.com for your one-stop shop about our podcast. Don't forget you can also check out our Nailed It Motherhood shop for journals and merch, all things for your personal parenting journey. If you would like to be a guest, please check us out or don't forget to fill out the guest application link in the comments. We welcome all questions, comments, and ideas, and we certainly hope to keep the conversation going. Until next time, keep on doing what it is you do. Smooches.