Hashim squirms in his seat during the Friday sermon afraid of his terrible secret being discovered. Afterwards, he tells Alex and Maryam in despair about the engagement but leaves out some key facts.
Please go to henrikwilenius.com for more info.
Hashim squirms in his seat during the Friday sermon afraid of his terrible secret being discovered. Afterwards, he tells Alex and Maryam in despair about the engagement but leaves out some key facts.
Please go to henrikwilenius.com for more info.
While the words ricocheted in the Grand Dome, hashim kept his head low and set a silent prayer asking for mercy, like he had done thousands of times since realizing he was gay.
Speaker 2:Hello, my name is Henrik Milenius and I am the author of the Rise Up Trilogy a young adult coming of age story about Hashim, Alex and Mariam on the threshold of adulthood. This weekly serialized audiobook podcast is narrated by Scott Summers.
Speaker 1:Five. Hashim buckled under the scrutiny of the fiery eyes of the heavy-bearded man standing behind the pulpit. We have to stay strong when we are surrounded by people who claim a sin not to be a sin, the mom said to the men sitting in rows in front of him even some Muslims say that, for added effect, he furl his brows as he turned his attention to the women at the back. They say you can be a Muslim and a homosexual, but those who say the Quran doesn't reject homosexuality don't understand Islam, and they certainly don't speak Arabic. He raised his eyes skyward and bellowed Allah has cursed anyone who does what lots people did.
Speaker 1:Hashim squirmed as he crouched, crossed like it on the carpet that covered the whole mosque floor. He didn't dare to look at his father next to him. He was afraid the Imam would point the finger at him and call him out anytime now. First he would be flogged in the basement and then in the backyard. After sunset they would hang him from the neck. However, his rational mind told him he was safe as long as he would not give in to temptation. Besides, he had a built-in armor. His muscles protected him not only physically but mentally too. He was sensitive and rather shy but effeminate. He was not. He didn't look like a sissy and because of his strength not many guys would have dared to mess with him. From experience he knew that bullies only tormented those they knew were not going to fight back. The Imam raised his palms. Each man and woman is created heterosexual by Allah Genetically. No human being loves the same sex, even if some ill-informed scientist say so, and those who say so are usually homosexuals themselves. Hashim was surprised to see dad breaking ranks and shake his head in disbelief. I'm not talking about platonic love, but love as it is between husband and wife. When people engage in homosexual acts, as Allah says, they become blind. They can't see right from wrong. Hashim stole a glance over his shoulder at his mother in the back, nodding her head like all the women around her. With all due respect to the animals, they become like animals. Why do I say this?
Speaker 1:The religious leader of the mosque led his eyes wander from person to person, as if waiting for somebody to stand up and deliver an answer, hiding his face in shame. Hashim saw his father crossing his arms. However, he was unsure if his father somehow knew about him and the unease was therefore caused by disapproval of him or if his father just didn't agree with the Imam. Sometimes Hashim got the feeling that his father came to the Friday prayers only for the sake of the family unity, since the old Sufi Imam had been fired. He often had that pensive look on his face during the sermon, the same face Hashim had seen him having when talking about the health care system or the current situation in the Middle East. Only his father's resentment arose from the way the new Imam touted Islamism, whereas his predecessors left out the politics and stuck to the spiritual things, like the renunciation of worldly things, purification of soul and contemplation of God's nature. Because it's an insult to the animals, the Imam said, raising his voice dogs and bitches do not engage in this kind of behavior. Therefore, these people are lower than the animals. While the words ricocheted in the grand dome, hashim kept his head low and said a silent prayer asking for mercy, like he had done thousands of times since.
Speaker 1:Realizing he was gay, hashim waited in the shadows of a big oak tree for his father to come pick him and his mother up. To pass the time, he turned his attention to two kids playing on the grass. Suddenly, the younger one burst into tears Before any sound had come out of the little one's throat, a young woman rushed to the child and scooped him up into her arms. Tears were streaming down his flabby cheeks. She smoothed the boy's hair and whispered soothing words into his ears, and soon the crying stopped, changing to an occasional sniff Hashim swallowed.
Speaker 1:Would he ever feel that kind of connection with somebody? Could he ever feel as needed as did this young mother? If he had a family, wouldn't his future child see right through him and see what a fraud he was and a fraud he would be if he married Soraya? He couldn't make her happy. Watching videos of naked women in compromising positions left him cold, despite how hard he tried, whereas the mere mental image of a well-formed male torso would fire him up and sinned blood rushing through his veins, which in turn would lead, in a weak though rare moment, to indulge in the unspeakable sin of self-pollution. And then, afterwards, he would feel so disgusted that he couldn't even look at himself in the mirror for many, many days. To ease his stifling guilt, he would then adapt a strict regime of soul purification by devoting himself to Allah with prayers and intense religious studies for months on end.
Speaker 1:Ha Bibi, are you all right? Hashim turned and saw his mother wrinkling her brow. He wiped his face and mumbled something. She repeated her question I don't think I'm ready yet. Fixing her sight on her son, his mother said Haji Ali is a very important man in our community. Everybody respects him. Marrying his niece would be a blessing for your future. Hashim just nodded silently. How could he disobey his mother, especially right after Friday prayers and now that you're going to be studying very hard, you don't have time to look for a wife. Mother continued like your father did when he was your age, keeping his head down. Hashim wanted to avoid any further discussion. When his father drove up, he quickly settled in the back and asked to be dropped off at Mariam's. His mother tried to engage him and dad to talk about the sermon, but the men in the car only offered their silence and she soon gave up.
Speaker 1:As the car drove up Lakeshore Drive, hashim gazed at the open lake, its surface rippled by a light wind, seeing the horizon dotted by sailboats of all sizes and colors. He wished he knew how to sail, but nobody in their community did. In fact, he had never been out on the lake. There were so many things he hadn't done and now his life was already mapped out for the rest of his days and he didn't seem to have any control over it. Pressing his lips together in a slight grimace, he tried to picture himself taking another route, but the idea of coming out and living as an outcast from his family and community sent shivers down his spine. After pulling up to Merriam's driveway, dad opened his mouth to say something, but stopped in his tracks as his wife shot him a warning glare. Hesheen guessed it had something to do with Merriam's family. They never came to the mosque. Mom probably thought that she was a bad influence on him with all her western ideas, and she didn't even know that Merriam was also coming to the East Coast too, which made him feel a bit guilty.
Speaker 1:Hesheen moved into the shade and watched his dad's Mercedes disappearing around the curve. He took deep breaths to calm his beating heart, but it just got worse. He yanked his headphones from his pocket and plugged them into his smartphone, retreating deeper into the shadows. After a few minutes he thrust his chest out and tipped his head back to face the thick foliage above him. The soothing sounds of Quran recitation always delivered. He felt his downtrodden spirits lifting. He could see God's work in the perfect five lobed shaped of the leaves above him and in the sporadic sun rays penetrating the treats up, lighting up the trees in the numerous shades of grain. And it's going to happen tomorrow, hesheen said as he crouched on the couch. Alex drew his brows closer but soon his forehead smoothed. Seriously, he said, and studied Hesheen's face Wow, we need to get you out of this mess.
Speaker 1:Sharing his predicament with his best friend had calmed Hesheen's nerves. Not that he had told the whole story, like the fact that he was gay. However, that was a piece of information he had only shared with God, though unwillingly, because from him you can't hide a thing. Alex's eyes grew wide. But you're just turning 18. For God's sake, isn't it a little early to get engaged? Hesheen pressed his lips together and winced you tell me? His mom knows that once Hesheen is committed to an engagement, he won't break it.
Speaker 1:Miriam said she had been following the conversation from the other side of the room, giving the guys some space, after she saw how upset Hesheen was when he came in Without a solid religious reason to back out. That could shame the whole family. She added people won't treat you anymore or return your calls. You become a nobody. Hesheen couldn't look Alex in the eye.
Speaker 1:Some of the traditions in his culture were so hard to explain to a non-Muslim. He hated it when he had to justify his religion and its rules to his friends, because he really didn't understand them all. If he asked somebody in the mosque, all he got was an angry look and some obscure reference to the Quran or to the Hadiths, a record of traditions and sayings of the Prophet Muhammad. Everything had changed six years ago when the new mosque opened and the kind Haji Khalil was replaced by the heavy-bearded nephew of Haji Ali, who had completed his religious studies and training in Islamic University of Madinah in Saudi Arabia. Alex pursed his lips. It sounds so tribal to me, all this family, honor and stuff. That's the pre-Islamic desert culture for you. Prophet Muhammad tried to conquer it, but it went the other way, miriam said.
Speaker 1:Hesheen straightened his back. He wanted to defend his faith. It was the most important thing he had, and that included his family, because he, like any other Muslim, believed the family was one half of your religion. Without one, you didn't have the other. This concept was another example of the importance of collectivism and family in Arab culture.
Speaker 1:Alex reached to touch Hesheen's arm and said softly let's figure this out. Who's the girl? She's from Egypt, and Alex said, tapping his foot. Hesheen hunched his shoulders and touched his cheek. It felt sticky, although the AC and Miriam's room was working just fine. He was afraid to face the same derision he had seen on the TV On panelists' faces when they were discussing some of the more rigid customs of his religion.
Speaker 1:Miriam moved to his side. Tell him she's Haji Ali's niece, from the same village as my mom. Hashim said and wiped his face with his hand, narrowing his eyes in concentration. Alex leaned closer Is she cute? Hashim furled his brow. It was something he hadn't really thought about. I said is she cute? No, I mean yes. Hashim said and leaned back. I don't know. I've seen her picture, that's all. But it's not about that. I just know I can't make her happy.
Speaker 1:He hoped he didn't need to go into details. He didn't want to be put into a position where he had to lie to his best friend. Omitting facts was another thing. Why couldn't you make her happy? You've got all the necessary tools, alex said and broke into a grin as Hashim's face went blank.
Speaker 1:Miriam came to the rescue. So it's your mother who's been looking for a wife for you. Hashim nodded, and my uncles, aunts, cousins, my dad's colleagues. Finding a husband or wife is a sort of community sport for traditional Muslims, miriam said to Alex everybody gets involved, blood related or not. And how about you? Alex asked who's your groom candidate? My family's not into that, thank God. Miriam said and chuckled. Anyway, I hang out with non-Muslim guys so I must be spoiled the goods. Alex winced Ouch.
Speaker 1:Hashim sat in the back seat gazing at the sun reflecting from the still surface of the lake. Miriam turned left onto Lake Shore Drive. The air conditioner was humming in full force. According to the car's thermometer, the outside temperature was a modest 98 degrees Fahrenheit. The wind had died down and the sailboats were like sitting ducks on a shiny silvery pond. Hashim didn't pay any mind to them. The sight of fresh water had always had a calming effect on him, especially in such abundance. Perhaps it derived from his mother's side. Water was the lifeline in the Upper Egypt where she was born. Anyway, the Sharia law, which stipulated one's personal relationship with God, meant literally a path to life-giving water. Peaking at Hashim in the rearview mirror, miriam said I could help you with all the preparations if you want.
Speaker 1:It had been Alex's idea to throw him a birthday party. First, hashim hadn't been too excited about the idea. He had been taught by visiting a Salafi teacher that the only birthday worth celebrating was the birthday of Prophet Muhammad and that only infidels follow this Western custom, which had been deemed heresy in the birthplace of Islam. Hashim really didn't have an opinion about it, but it was always safer to follow the rules, especially if you harbored as many impure thoughts as he did. When Hashim had voiced his qualms, without going into detail, miriam had countered that the birthday party was a good way to get all of his friends together before leaving for college. And when Alex offered his apartment as a venue for the party, hashim gave in.
Speaker 1:What are you making? Miriam asked. Hashim scratched his neck. Dips in little stuff like koshari foul mudamas hummus. I like that, not your usual fare, miriam said. In the passenger seat. Alex craned his neck to look back at Hashim. It's going to be a very vocal party.
Speaker 1:Miriam and Hashim furrowed their brows in unison. Three words beans, beans and beans, alex said. Hashim bumped Alex's shoulder from behind. Ew, I'm just saying. Alex grinned. Hashim leaned forward. Better than your blue cheese dip. It really smelled like ugh. He pinched his nose.
Speaker 1:Alex swung around on his seat to face Hashim. That was absolutely delicious, to quote Lenny. And when has he become an authority in? And not only him? Hashim sneered. I saw him dumping his plate into the. That's not.
Speaker 1:Alex grabs Hashim's hand and tried to push it to the side. Guys, miriam, cut in. Don't you have like more important things to discuss? The boys stopped before breaking into a mutual smirk. Usually they tried to behave in front of Miriam, but for them some brotherly arm twisting was a great way to release tension. That's how all their fights ended. Neither of them was the brooding sword, nor did these little skirmishes ever last more than a few hours.
Speaker 1:Alex let Hashim go and wipe the smirk off his face. So what do you want to do? What do you mean? Alex was about to slap Hashim but drew his hand back when he saw Miriam looking at them in the rear view mirror. With your life, you moron? Hashim rubbed the back of his neck. I don't know. All these expectations is owning your life too much to ask. Seeing Alex's crisp nod, he continued I have to stop this engagement thing from going any further. Alex's eyes lit up. You sure about this? Yeah, I just don't know how We'll figure it out one way or the other, alex said and leaned forward Now or never. There's no next time. Eyes locked, alex high-fived his best friend.
Speaker 2:Thank you for listening to the Rise Up Trilogy podcast. For more information, go to my website henrikvillenniuscom.