Catch You If You Fall (book one of the Rise Up Trilogy) Ep. 7

In his despair, Hashim finds hope in his faith. 

Please go to henrikwilenius.com for more info. 

Transcript

Speaker 1 0:05

While the words ricocheted in the grand dome , hashim kept his head low and said a silent prayer asking for mercy , like he had done thousands of times since realizing he was gay .

Speaker 2 0:20

My name is Henrik Vilengis and I'm the author of the Rise Up Trilogy , a young adult coming of age story about Hashim , Alex and Marian confront in real life issues like climate change , corrupt politics , animal cruelty and racial and gender equity . This sweetly serialized audiobook podcast is narrated by Scott Summers .

Speaker 1 0:44

With a sinking feeling , hashim flattened the pillow against his chest . He had thought he could make mom listen . His attempt to avoid a doomed marriage had been an epic fail . Furthermore , he had let Mariam and Alex believe he wasn't merely another loser Burying his face in the bed covers . He thought he'd never be able to show his face again . He hoped the tears would come to ease his angst , but they never came when he really needed them . Besides , something in the back of his mind was nagging him to stop whining .

Speaker 1 1:17

With a long sigh , he heaved himself up , spotting the picture of the cobblestone on the wall . He shuddered , since he could remember his biggest aspiration in life had been a pilgrimage to Mecca , the holy city of Islam . How could he ever be pure enough to kiss the cobblestone as the prophet had done ? But even the idea of not fulfilling his lifelong dream and the duty of every able Muslim couldn't make him cry . What was wrong with him ? Getting up from the bed made his head spin . As he reached out to his desk to study himself , he saw the gift his father had given him , with instructions not to tell mom . He ripped off the paper and gasped . It was a collection of poems and quotes by Rumi , the famous Muslim Sufi poet . He remembered how his former teacher used to read snippets of Rumi's wisdom in Quran class . However , since the petrodollars had flooded their congregation , rumi's texts were banished as heretical and the great master was never mentioned again . Whatever happened to the principal that you should never call another believer an infidel ? As he was taught as a child , dad had written something at the top of the inside cover page Dear son , all books reveal perfection by what they are or are not . He read out loud May you find what you seek in these pages or outside them . In the words of the great poet , I searched for God and found only myself . I searched for myself and found only God . Hashim put the book down with a day's expression . Tipping his head back , he smiled Okay enough , dear God , I get the message .

Speaker 1 3:12

Hashim studied his face in the elevator mirror and touched his hair . It felt so different , all shortened to so . He had never imagined the change would be so huge . Somehow he had never paid too much attention to his facial features , his high cheekbones and prominent jaw . Letting his hair grow had been a subconscious choice . When , at the age of 13 , he had first realized he was attracted to boys , he had sworn to keep himself clean .

Speaker 1 3:41

At the same time , the soft spoken , ambiguous Haji Khalil had been fired by the Gulf Fund that would finance the construction of the imposing all new mosque . Then Haji Khalil's replacement started spewing dogma from the lectern , detailing a clear path to salvation and redemption , which was exactly what Hashim needed for his troubled soul . Soon , a visiting mullah from Cairo recognized Hashim's religious zeal . He was invited to attend special lectures given only to a few chosen ones . He was instructed to progressively isolate himself from the rest of American society for the sake of his purity . When that was accomplished , he had to cut ties with Muslims who do not adhere to the same strict code of conduct . After a while , hashim realized this would include his own father , whose silent opposition to petrol Islam taking over their community he had tried to ignore . Hashim struck a deal with God that he would devote himself to practicing Islam as it had been done by the first three generations after the Prophet Muhammad , if God would allow him to maintain a relationship with his father .

Speaker 1 4:52

Stygression from the spirit of his deal with God appeared only two years later when he met Alex . His new friend pushed him to go to the in-house gym and stop eating donuts and drinking copious amounts of sugary beverages . Hashim was awed by the quick hardening of his body . There was a glitch , though . Later on , during the visit , the Mullah told him that going to the gym was a sin because it might provoke sexual desires to opposite sex . Although Hashim knew that this didn't apply to him , as he felt zero attraction to girls , he could hardly tell that to the Mullah . Therefore , hashim decided to wear loose clothes so that nobody would notice his growing muscles , and to add more fervor to his appearance , he let his hair grow in the Mujahideen style , like he had seen in the Jihadist warrior videos that the Mullah had shown in the basement of the mosque . Although asked to flaunting a fiery beard , he still had to wait until the fuzziness on his jaw evolved into furriness . Unfortunately , his drive for purity came to nothing . All the praying in the world couldn't deliver him from the lust he felt toward hunky men . However , now it was time to change tactics . Instead of trying to hide from the devil , he was going to face it head on .

Speaker 1 6:16

The elevator door swept open , hashim took a deep breath and stepped out . Beyond the glass wall lay a vast open space dotted with latest training machines . Hashim hopped on a cross trainer , throwing sideways glances at the free weight area , where his buffed tormentor usually trained with a slender side kick . He gazed through the 15th floor picture window at his Midwestern city below . He tried visualizing how his muscles were working together in perfect unison , but somehow he couldn't put his mind into it . There was too much at stake now . What he decided in the next 24 hours would affect the rest of his life . However , first he had to find out the truth about these inconvenient feelings . Was this infatuation with the masculine form only a figment of his imagination , created by the devil to make him stray from the path to God ? Or wasn't an attribute of his being that God had intentionally instilled in him ? If he couldn't answer that question , his personal jihad would fail miserably .

Speaker 1 7:23

Hashim jumped off the cross trainer , gulp down some water , sniffed his armpits to make sure he didn't stink , and headed toward the free weight area . Noll was planted on a bench underneath a sleeveless gym shirt . Justin Noll , psychic , stood behind him , watching Noelle's every move . Noelle grabbed the bar and let it drop to his chest , inhale , exhale and up it went . Hashim wanted to wait until Noelle had finished , but Justin spotted him by the doorway and flashed a knowing smile , dumping the bar to the rack with a clunk , noelle sprang up hey look who's here . He said and wiped his face with a towel .

Speaker 1 8:08

Hashim's gaze went from Noelle's glistening biceps to his chiseled face . Dude , I love your new hair . Noelle continued and stood up . Hashim bit down his smile . Justin could fold . My God , that is so cute , he's blushing . Happy birthday , big boy . Noelle said and slapped Hashim's palm . He remembered Hashim could hardly contain his grin anymore .

Speaker 1 8:36

I think we're gonna skip the singing part , though , noelle said . Hashim chuckled . He felt like running a victory lap and he was never going to wash his hand again . What you don't wanna hear us sing ? Justin pursed his lips in a mock surprise . Yes , I mean , no , I mean Ha , just kidding . Justin said and smiled . Noelle tilted his head back and laughed .

Speaker 1 9:03

Soon Hashim joined them , at first with some effort , then wholeheartedly . Noelle exchanged a conspiratorial look with Justin before he said would you like to come up for a drink this evening ? Hashim froze this can't be happening . Had he been whisked to an alternate universe ? Then the sound of Justin cracking up penetrated his bubble Soon , followed up by visuals of Justin holding his stomach laughing , or Noelle's big brown eyes still fixed on him Waiting for the answer .

Speaker 1 9:39

Hashim inhaled through his nose and felt Noelle's manly odor in his nostrils . He could actually hear his own heart beating 100 miles an hour . You serious , you really mean that ? Sure man , come on over . Hashim exhaled , but then his smile frosted over . I forgot . Alex is throwing me a birthday party . That's very nice of him . He must be somebody very special . Justin said and winked Hashim Winston lowered his head , frowning . Noelle said that's too bad .

Speaker 1 10:18

After mulling it over for a moment , hashim bounced from foot to foot . But I could come after the party around midnight . He reasoned that he didn't have to stay with his friends the whole night . By midnight many of his friends will be drunk or high , as usual . That was the time for him to make his exit anyway . Flashing a smile , noelle said midnight is good . Just come upstairs and let's go from there . Awe reminds me of a fairy tale . I , noelle , shot a glare at Justin , who promptly shut his mouth . Great Hashim just stood there nodding and beaming until he realized his time was up my legs . I need to , he said and bounced off . As he turned the corner , he heard Justin whisper rather loudly I think our spring chicken is ready to leave the coop . He had never heard the expression before , but he got the meaning . With the spring in his step , hashim headed for the leg press machine .

Speaker 1 11:23

And what's so funny ? Miriam asked Hashim as she cut the tomatoes into little cubes . It was close to six o'clock in the evening . They were preparing food for his birthday party in Alex's kitchen . His father had promised to stay away until midnight .

Speaker 1 11:38

Hashim raised his eyes from the pan in which he was frying chicken bits . What You're smiling ? Miriam said and studied Hashim's face . What's going on ? Fighting the urge to tell Miriam about Noelle ? Hashim furrowed his brow . He knew that if he told even the most inconsequential details about his neighbor , miriam would sniff out the truth . She would know right away . And he was not ready to tell her yet .

Speaker 1 12:09

I just love white meat . Hashim blurted . From the way Miriam pressed her lips tight . He knew he had made a wrong illusion . I mean , you love the mutilated carcass of Daisy Duck ? Think about it . But it's lean meat , no extra calories , and it's a great source of protein . Miriam pointed her finger to the big plates of hummus and kashari on the kitchen table . You've got enough of that right there . I need animal protein too . Hashim said , his voice wavering . No , you don't . There are tons of vegan or vegetarian bodybuilders out there .

Speaker 1 12:52

Trying not to smile , hashim knew he was in for a lecture , a sort of poetic justice for his little lie . Miriam leaned forward . Did you know ? These poor creatures live in their own shit , and to ward off the viruses they're pumped up full of antibiotics , and that's one of the reasons we've become so resistant to them . And you want to be a doctor ? Think about uh-oh , I'm interrupting something . Alex peeked in from the doorway . Miriam glared at him , but before she could say anything the doorbell rang , saved by the bell , alex said . Before clearing out .

Speaker 1 13:33

Hashim bit his lower lip . It was true what Miriam was saying , but he had had enough on his own plate to deal with . He only wanted to forget about the cruel world and have a little downtime , daydreaming about Noel and him and the night they were going to spend together . Was it too much to ask ? Touching his own cheek , hashim tried to imagine how Noel's skin would feel . Probably it felt quite the same as his . They were both smooth . The only body hair he had seen was the fine line of silky hair rising towards his navel . Sometimes , when Noel lay on the bench and his gym shirt had slipped up , bearing his taut midsection .

Speaker 1 14:13

Hashim saw that Miriam had turned her glare on him , so he offered a lamb-like smile . Miriam groaned . I asked why do you need so much protein ? I just do , hashim said , shuffling his feet . Why ? Hashim pursed his lips Because your arms are thicker than Alex's thighs , isn't that enough ? Hashim sighed . Miriam wouldn't understand . Compared to Noel , he was a beanpole . The expression on Miriam's face went all soft .

Speaker 1 14:49

Hashi , you know what ? You're ? A handsome , intelligent and compassionate young man . A real catch , I would say . Your mother is living in the past . For her , the modern world is a scary place . Her mentality is like she never left the village of her birth . Hashim glanced at Miriam . Yeah , what can I do ? You know that in the Quran there are three times more passages urging mindful awareness over mere submission . Hashim flipped chicken bits to the other side . But that's what the word Islam means submission . Submission to the will of God , not to some pre-Islamic desert tribalism . Miriam said in a gentle tone . The spatula stopped in the midair as Hashim fluttered his eyelashes . Hashim had never thought of it in that way . Hashim had never thought of it in that way .

Speaker 2 16:14

Thank you for listening to the Rise Up trilogy podcast . For more information , go to my website , henrikvillenewscom .