43: How to Get Ready Faster for Sobriety

Have you ever wondered what it truly takes for someone to embrace sobriety? In today's powerful episode, we uncover the pivotal moments that indicate readiness for change. Through a heartfelt personal story of hitting rock bottom, we discuss "the gift of desperation" and how unmanageability across home, work, spirituality, and health serves as a clear sign of addiction. We delve into the importance of willingness and the crucial role of loved ones in supporting the journey toward recovery.

But that's not all—Steven shares invaluable insights from his experiences at Restore Detox Centers, emphasizing the necessity of enabling solutions over the addiction itself. We tackle the tough topic of refusing to support addictive behaviors and illustrate how tough love can save lives. 

Helpful Links:
Learn more about Restore Detox Centers
Filling the Void book by Steven T. Ginsburg
Overcoming the Fear and Lies of Addiction e-book
How to Love and Set Boundaries Without Enabling Addiction e-book
Call Us for Addiction Recovery:  1-800-982-5530

DISCLAIMER:
Welcome to the Addiction Recovery podcast, brought to you by Restore Detox Centers. We are dedicated to providing valuable and insightful information on addiction recovery. However, it is essential to understand that the content shared in this podcast is intended for educational purposes only. While we strive to ensure the accuracy and reliability of the information presented, we cannot guarantee its completeness or suitability for individual circumstances. The topics discussed in this podcast are based on general knowledge and should not be considered a substitute for professional advice or treatment.

It is important to note that the views and opinions expressed by the podcast hosts, guests, or contributors are their own and may not necessarily reflect the views of Restore Detox Centers. We strongly advise listeners to consult with qualified professionals, such as addiction counselors, therapists, or medical practitioners, before making any decisions or taking any actions based on the information provided in this podcast. Please be aware that listening to this podcast does not establish a client-provider relationship with Restore Detox Centers.

Chapters

• 0:00 Overcoming Addiction and Making Changes
• 6:57 Enabling the Solution Over Addiction
• 13:46 Continuing Support and Resources

Transcript

Overcoming Addiction and Making Changes

Steven Ginsburg 0:00

We are only as sick as our secrets. I've got to get to my truth, and my truth is I'm struggling with drugs or I'm struggling with alcohol, or I'm struggling with both.

Steve Coughran 0:08

This is the Addiction Recovery Podcast with Steven T Ginsburg, founder of Restore Detox Centers in sunny California. Enjoy your experience,

Steve Coughran 0:22

Steven years Years ago in my ecclesiastical leadership responsibilities, I had a unique opportunity to work with a variety of people who are struggling with just challenges in life, whether it's their marriage or they're going through a divorce, career issues or whatever it may be. I came across this one individual and he was in his twenties, great guy, like the best heart, and he was always there, volunteering his time, helping to set up chairs, to clean the church building, and he was just. He was so great and so great to be around. But then also he struggled with drugs and alcohol.

Steve Coughran 1:00

And I had so many talks with him and he's like Steve, I just want to improve my life, I, I hate this, I'm just miserable. And he talked to me like Steve, I just want to improve my life, I hate this, I'm just miserable. And I talked to him like hey, you should go get some help, like come on, let's do something about it. And then guess what? Nothing would happen in months and months and even years went by and he just was never ready to get sober. So, Steven, as you work with people at Restore, as you are doing group with so many community members, how does somebody know when they're ready to get sober, or what prevents somebody from getting sober, like this individual who wanted help, who wanted to live a better life, but he just didn't do it. He wasn't ready.

Steven Ginsburg 1:41

Really, Steve, thank you Really. Just what a great thing to be able to sit back for a moment and examine, and there's so much to it. But I really always trust what I'm given first. And there is a remarkable blessing to the gift of desperation there is a arrives when we stop digging, and that is not mine. That is my brother, johnny, who I love, who gave me that and I promptly took it because it's so good Having that gift of desperation getting to that point where you are sick and tired of being sick and tired and you are in that mode of willingness and you're in that mode where the way you're going to see is by surrendering, and mode where the way you're going to see is by surrendering and acknowledging hey, something is wrong, there is something going on.

Steven Ginsburg 2:34

We are only as sick as our secrets. I've got to get to my truth and my truth is I'm struggling with drugs or I'm struggling with alcohol or I'm struggling with both and I need help and I need someone to help me. And there's unmanageability in my life. That's the ultimate, last facet of this answer, steve. The ultimate litmus test to all of this is is there and where is the unmanageability in your life because of substance use and abuse, unmanageability at home, unmanageability professionally, unmanageability spiritually, unmanageability physically, when that rears its ugly head. That unmanageability is that telltale sign when there is a problem addiction and alcoholism and identifying it as the solution.

Steve Coughran 3:18

So let's talk about the, the second time when you relapsed, because I think that's when you like definitely hit rock bottom in your life. Yes, like, how did you know that you were ready? I mean, was it literally at the point of like hey, hey, I just want to die, I don't want to do this anymore? Or like what? Like, how did you know when you were ready?

Steven Ginsburg 3:38

Steven, the knowledge of knowing that I was ready was jammed down my throat because I was in a long form of suicide and I just wouldn't die. And finally, that last day where I woke up, which was November 12th 2004, I literally was laughing because I'm like how am I alive after consuming that much cocaine? And I spun around from my back to my knees and I prayed and I said very simply to God if you won't end my life, then give me my life back in sobriety. And prayers are answered and I knew I was there. I just wasn't going to die.

Steven Ginsburg 4:15

There was a different calling for my life and I had to live and go back to a sober life and working a program and a sober lifestyle. And again, what my objective and my calling, I believe, and the reason why I was spared is. I don't want people to get to that point and they don't have to. And I've seen case after case after case, steve, where people do not have to have it get to that level, but they are right there on the perimeter and it's coming and you will know and the people who love you in your life will let you know and you will see it all around you and there will be consequences. Towards what Everything? Everything will be suffering behind the ism, the I self me, the alcohol and the drug use will have everything suffering and that's where you just let go and you turn towards some help and you get into willingness and you start to heal and the process begins.

Steve Coughran 5:06

Well, you said something really interesting I want to touch on. So let's go back, because you said I don't want people to suffer. Obviously you don't want people to suffer, that's your whole thing. You want to help people heal and recover. And I think back on certain points of my life and I've done this over and over again. I still don't learn the lesson.

Steve Coughran 5:24

But I'm sure you can relate to Steven, where I had this situation where I just I knew I had to make a change. Right, and this was going on for a couple of years. Like I was just dealing with this thing and I think about it and I'm like, yeah, I know I'm in a crappy situation here. I need to shift, I need to like make a decision, but I just live day after day after day, and then every once in a while it kind of like fade in the background but then it like rear its ugly head again, and it took me all this time. And then, finally, one day, I just made a decision. I was just like, okay enough, I'm deciding today, I'm not going to do it. And then I did it. And then I think back now and I'm like, oh my gosh, I wasted like two years of my life dealing with this pain, thinking about this and having it consume my thoughts and impact me and my relationships, my health and my sleep.

Steve Coughran 6:16

And then, finally, I made a decision and, like oftentimes in life I mean I'm sure the same thing's true for you whether it's like, okay, I need to move, I need to move, I need to get out of this house. You know, this house is like making me miserable, or like I don't like my neighbor or whatever, and you just live there and you live there and you deal with it and you tell all your friends like I need to move, and you, you complain about it. And then one day you're like you know what? I'm going to put my house on the market. And then you're like, wow, that was pretty easy. I sold it and now I'm in this beautiful house. I spent all this time fretting about this issue and then, finally, it took me one day to decide yeah, you got into action. Yeah, so I'll know what is your experience with that.

Steven Ginsburg 6:57

I really like what we just covered because I believe we just echoed the same sentiments which is there's a gift of desperation that drives the behavior, isn't there?

Steven Ginsburg 7:07

You finally get to the point where, like enough is enough. That's exactly, it's right there. That is it. Like you did it, like you described it perfectly. You get to the point and place, with anything, with everything, where enough is enough. And I can't do this another day. Good, that's where I want people and that's where we need to be, especially if we're going to start to pursue the solution instead of allowing the disease to continue to dictate all the terms in our life. And that's a beautiful thing. It is the gift of desperation.

Steve Coughran 7:36

But how does somebody close that gap? Because I mean, I'm thinking about it from, let's say, like a spouse perspective or a parent perspective, maybe your spouse?

Steve Coughran 7:45

is the one struggling with addiction and you're like I know one day they'll get there and they'll be ready, and then they'll go get help. But, like for the person who's waiting on that, it's like, oh my gosh, like I have to go through the next two years suffering until they're finally ready. Or just think about it from an individual standpoint. Like you could create so much destruction. You may not even make it to the point where you say I'm ready. You may go to jail, you may do something stupid that radically impacts your life and your freedom. So how can somebody shorten that time period in the destruction that is caused in the waiting to be ready?

Steven Ginsburg 8:24

It's a really simple formula we do not participate. I was just on the phone with someone's parents yesterday and their daughter, who we've helped before, is struggling and I commended them because they're refusing to allow their child back home right now. And we don't enable the disease, we enable the solution. So if you have a spouse, if you have a sibling, if you have a loved one, if you have a child who's in active addiction and if you have a loved one, if you have a child who's in active addiction and alcoholism and the unmanageability is there, you cut off every single facet that enables the disease and you perpetuate and you fast track the solution Because if you don't, it can happen and it happens too often. You could end up losing your loved one.

Steve Coughran 9:04

Yeah.

Steven Ginsburg 9:08

So it's the epitome of that tough, that tough love is a real thing. But that tough love can say it can and does save lives. And I have seen people enable their loved ones to a point where and then they're dead and then we end up at a memorial service. And that's what keeps me up at night.

Steve Coughran 9:20

Yeah, exactly, and I mean, imagine living with that guilt and shame because of that enablement. That'd be terrible.

Steven Ginsburg 9:27

Would have, could have, should have, and it's like and it's a, it's much more of a common conversation with a parent If I put them out of the house, if I cut off their cell phone, if I start giving them money, they'll die. And that's when I go berserk and I'm like they're gonna die because you're you've got their cell phone on. They're going to die because you're giving them money. They're going to die because you've got them under your roof. Why would they get sober? They have no reason to. They're actively participating in their disease and you're allowing them to and you're catering to them. That's what kills children, that's what can kill our spouses, that's what can kill our family members, our friends, our loved ones is when we enable the disease and we don't enable the solution. People we love can die.

Steve Coughran 10:15

Yeah, absolutely, and I mean when we're talking. It made me think back to a tragic incident that happened in California years ago I think it was in California where a guy got in a tank and basically he was driving on the streets and running over cars and smashing down light poles and running over cars and smashing down light poles and I mean just running through fences, and causing so much damage, so much damage along the way. And you know, I don't know how long it took the police to stop. I think he actually like tried to cross the median and he got, you know, he got stuck, you know, on the concrete, but basically in his path I mean there's this massive wake of destruction, but basically in his path. I mean there's this massive wake of destruction.

Steve Coughran 10:51

And I think about that with, like, drug and alcohol addicts, you know like until they get help in sobriety, like the longer they go, the more destruction they cause. That's like hard to like reverse. So it's like if you go to a party and you do, you know you started drinking, or maybe you find some drugs and you do it for a month and you're like you know you start drinking, or maybe you find some drugs and you do it for a month and you're like, oh my gosh. Okay, I did it for a month, I've lost some friends, I lost my job, I'm done, I'm never doing this again, I'm going to get help.

Steve Coughran 11:18

It's a much different time frame than doing it for 10 years and over those 10 years, you cheat on your spouse. You, you know, you embezzle money out of your company to try to pay for your addiction. You ruin relationships with your parents, whatever it is like, so much destruction. It's like that tank, it's like oh my gosh. And that's why we do this podcast to help people get help faster, find solutions faster, because the longer it draws out, the more destruction and damage there is to overcome which is hard, 100%.

Steven Ginsburg 11:53

And the tank is a true story. But regardless, the truth often provides the greatest analogies. The tank leaves a wave of destruction and the tank just like the disease. It is often hard to arrest the momentum of the tank, because it's a tank. The disease is a tank too, and it is often very difficult, at best, to disrupt the momentum of the disease. But it must be done at any and all costs so that the person we love has a chance for recovery and to stay alive, because without it it just destroys everything in its path.

Steve Coughran 12:27

Yeah, no, and I agree. And and you know this is what I love like about these conversations with you is that you know all of this is motivated. I love about these conversations with you is that all this is motivated by love. And when you get passionate about a topic, I love it because you get really emphatic about something and it all stems from this deep desire to love people. And I'm sure it's really hard to run restore in some ways, because you work with people who you love, right?

Steven Ginsburg 12:54

Yes, I love them to be sober.

Steve Coughran 12:56

You want them to live this life because you see their potential right. You have a gift for seeing people's potential and empowering people and building them up, but also, like you see your life and your turnaround story, and I'm sure you want that for other people as well. So that's it Exactly.

Steven Ginsburg 13:12

That's the whole thing for me. That's it. That's why, exactly that's the whole thing for me. That's it. That's why I believe I'm alive and that's why I do what I do and that's why I praise God that people like you are in my life to help me continue to give away what I've been so freely given. And I know the truth, and I know the truth is that disease kills and that the solution and recovery saves, and people have a right to this. The disease is the enemy and it makes me I'm glad it drives me nuts, because that's that's exactly my purpose, and I want people to know there's a better way and a better day, but we've got to all do our part.

Continuing Support and Resources

Steve Coughran 13:43

Yeah, exactly no this. This has been a great conversation. What do you think about it? We'd love to hear from you. You can email us at hello at restore detox centerscom Any comments, any questions, any feedback you have. If you have an episode idea, we'd love to hear from you. So please feel free to email us at any time. Also, if you want to get access to additional resources or if you want to learn more about restore, you can go to our website, restore detox centerscom. Steven, this has been a great episode. I love our conversations together.

Steven Ginsburg 14:15

Steve, thank you so much. Please, everyone out there know that we are here with you and for you and all things. Have a safe and sober day.