Addiction Recovery
The Addiction Recovery Podcast is the ultimate destination for individuals battling addiction or supporting loved ones in their journey towards recovery. With a focus on providing informative, educational, and persuasive content, our podcast aims to engage and guide listeners towards healing and transformation.
Addiction Recovery
47: My Kid's an Addict-Is It My Fault
Curious if your child's addiction reflects your parenting? In our latest episode, with Steven T. Ginsburg, founder of Restore Detox Centers, to tackle this tough question. Drawing from my own journey and my book, Filling the Void, we shift the focus from guilt and blame to proactive solutions. Together, we explore how support—not enabling—can foster recovery and transform your family’s healing process.
We also discuss the challenges of setting boundaries with a loved one struggling with addiction, emphasizing the importance of accountability and personal responsibility. Learn strategies to encourage self-sufficiency and sobriety in your child while maintaining clear consequences for harmful behaviors. Plus, discover how community support and gratitude can strengthen family bonds. Don’t miss this heartfelt conversation about the power of safety, support, and sobriety in helping families thrive.
Helpful Links:
Learn more about Restore Detox Centers
Filling the Void book by Steven T. Ginsburg
Overcoming the Fear and Lies of Addiction e-book
How to Love and Set Boundaries Without Enabling Addiction e-book
Call Us for Addiction Recovery: 1-800-982-5530
DISCLAIMER:
Welcome to the Addiction Recovery podcast, brought to you by Restore Detox Centers. We are dedicated to providing valuable and insightful information on addiction recovery. However, it is essential to understand that the content shared in this podcast is intended for educational purposes only. While we strive to ensure the accuracy and reliability of the information presented, we cannot guarantee its completeness or suitability for individual circumstances. The topics discussed in this podcast are based on general knowledge and should not be considered a substitute for professional advice or treatment.
It is important to note that the views and opinions expressed by the podcast hosts, guests, or contributors are their own and may not necessarily reflect the views of Restore Detox Centers. We strongly advise listeners to consult with qualified professionals, such as addiction counselors, therapists, or medical practitioners, before making any decisions or taking any actions based on the information provided in this podcast. Please be aware that listening to this podcast does not establish a client-provider relationship with Restore Detox Centers.
It's time for accountability. It's all the grownup stuff it's coming, and it's coming fast and it has to. Our lives are at stake.
Steve Coughran:This is the addiction recovery podcast with Steven T Ginsburg, founder of Restore Detox Centers in sunny California. Enjoy your experience, steven. I've talked to some friends of mine and just other family members who have dealt with issues in their family. We all have issues in our families, right? But one common theme that I've been hearing lately that I want to bounce this off you is my kid's an addict. Is it my fault? And some people may be wondering that because their kid may be struggling with something right, it could be addiction to self-harm, it could be addiction to alcohol or to drugs or to just like dangerous behavior. And oftentimes, as parents, we can internalize that and think, dang, if I only would have worked so long and would have been home more with my kid, or if I would only have switched schools and put them over here, or if we only didn't move to this new state or location, then my kid wouldn't be engaged in these bad habits.
Steven Ginsburg:How do you respond to that, Steve.
Steven Ginsburg:Thank you so much.
Steven Ginsburg:This is just such an apropos topic and obviously you and I are both parents and we have no qualms about what our children mean to our families and to ourselves individually.
Steven Ginsburg:First of all, I really want, first and foremost, any parent who's out there, who's in that quandary, who's in that conversation and who is taking on the brunt of that. I think there's validity in owning your part in it. I think there's validity in being willing to be fearless and bold and take some inventory of what you are and aren't providing as a parent. But I think I would look for everyone to take some comfort and solace in the fact that the most important element is to enable and perpetuate always the solution to what, to whatever is ailing our children and understand if we are perpetuating and offering and supporting the solution, we're in the right lane. We're on the right side of it. If we are enabling what is harming our precious babies, our blessings, that's where we've got to take a good, hard look and start to make that change within ourself first and then start to offer some new horizons for these children that we are blessed with.
Steve Coughran:Yeah, I agree and I want to touch on something that you talked about in your book, filling the Void. You were very vulnerable in that book and you were very open just with your story and I'm sure your whole addiction journey caused a lot of challenges and guilt and shame and hardships with relationships within your family. Maybe you could talk a little bit about that. And for those who haven't read the book which I highly recommend, it's such a wonderful book Maybe you could share a little bit more from filling the void about how maybe your parents dealt with all the shame and guilt that probably came along with you being in this state back in the day.
Steven Ginsburg:Absolutely, and I think one of the things I'd share, first and foremost, is many parents are victims, of victims, of victims. There is a line of succession and there is a line of dysfunction that runs rampant through many, many families. Specifically, when I would look at the case where my parents were concerned my mother and father, who I adore, my mom God rest her soul and my dad, who is absolutely my best friend they did the best they could and that was plenty good enough, and at a certain age of consent, I started to make choices that actually continue to compound circumstances that weren't favorable for me, and I had to start realizing and owning the fact that my choices and my journey and my path, which was detrimental to me, was not their fault. And if I continue to stay focused on blaming them rather than improving and finding solutions myself, I was going to stay stuck.
Steven Ginsburg:Now, conversely, on the other side of that, again, as a parent or as a family member, if you have a child who's in crisis and what you are doing is you are garnishing resources and I'm not talking about financial, I'm talking about finding the best help, finding a way, addressing the problem honestly and transparently and you are starting to perpetuate and offer your child a path towards the solution. You are officially off the hook. It doesn't resolve you of every issue that's ever occurred, but you are taking care of your side of the street and now it is up to your child, whatever age they're at, to start taking care of their side of it so together you can get towards healing and start to have resolution and better results for your family and for your children, or your child individually yeah no, and I love that.
Steve Coughran:And I think a lot of people may struggle with the guilt and the shame in so much that they start to enable addiction nightmare. Um. So you and I we wrote this book a while back. It's on the restore website. If you go to restore detox centerscom backslash books, if you just go there, um, there's this ebook we have. It's great. It's called how to love and set boundaries without enabling addiction. So be sure to check that out If that's something you're struggling with or if you know somebody who's struggling with that, because it just perpetuates the problem.
Steve Coughran:Now, before we move on, I want to just stay on the the filling the void book, steven, because I remember like in the book you alluded to this and you've even mentioned this, like as we're hanging out and driving around California, you said you were trying to hurt them or you're trying to release some of your pain or out, and I want to put words in your mouth, but it's almost like you're going to do drugs, you're going to hurt yourself, to hurt them, to get back at them, but it's like, logically, that's such a dumb thing, right. Like when you're like, oh my gosh, what was I doing here? I was hurting myself to try to hurt somebody else, and that's terrible behavior. Did I get that right or am I on base?
Steven Ginsburg:No, you're completely on base, and it's the same way that I define resentment. We're going to drink poison and hope the other guy dies. I wanted to do as much harm as I could to myself to get back at my parents. Well, hey, bud, that's just not a really good plan. Things aren't going to turn out. I mean, let's just hope we stay alive, stephen, let's start there and we'll reverse engineer from that facet and that standpoint. And so you're spot on, and that's part of that cycle. That's part of that.
Steven Ginsburg:You know the word disease. It's disease and that disease that is congruent in that line of thinking, that self-harm to get back towards others. That's where we've got to. Again. It's time for accountability. It's all the grownup stuff. It's coming and it's coming fast and it has to. Our lives are at stake. The addict and alcoholic, regardless of what has occurred, regardless of the trauma, regardless of the circumstances, regardless of the scenarios, we must take accountability for our end of things. We must find our way into the solution, into a design for living that perpetuates healing, that perpetuates growth. And, most importantly, if you're like me, you suffer from what I suffer from. You want to step into a realm that perpetuates ongoing sobriety and ongoing remission.
Steve Coughran:Yeah, I agree, I agree a hundred percent. But I mean it is tough though, because here's my problem, right, my problem is that like I go into businesses and I fix them. That's what I do. I go and turn around companies. So I'm a fixer, so I want to fix things. So if my kids are like they're hungry or they're not having a good time, I get like all anxious and I just want to like fix the situation. I just want to like here, let me make you better, let me make you whole, and so that carries over into other parts of my life. So it's like my Achilles heel, because it makes me really effective in business but also the Achilles heel is.
Steve Coughran:It also puts guilt and shame on me, right? Because you know, I feel the shame. I feel this guilt because I just want to fix my kid when they're sick, I want to take their sickness. When they're engaging in bad behavior, I want to just like go in there and fix it. And I think a lot of people struggle with the same thing. Because I am a weirdo, but I don't think I'm that weird. But I think a lot of people struggle with that because they may want to try to fix their kid, they may want to try to help their kid and then, when they can't, they feel like a failure because it's like, oh my gosh, like my kid's an addict, my kid's doing this, my kid's doing that under my roof or outside of my roof and I can't help them. I mean, how helpless is that? I mean it's got to be terrible.
Steven Ginsburg:It is and I really like where you're at with this from this standpoint. Yeah, we can do it all for them and we can do the best we can to fix it for them, and we can bridge the gap if you would. But where do they end up? What do they learn? Where is the growth? We are and I'm not saying you are, I'm saying in Kate and I am the same way. So you know you're not alone in it. But that's not surprising either. You and I have always had so much in common. I want to do it all for them. I want to take all the bad away, all the hurt away, take care of everything. Yes, the cereal. Yes, I run around after them. And how am I helping them learn and grow? And then let's take it home.
Steven Ginsburg:To this end of things, no one can work my program for me. No one can do the footwork of sobriety for me. No one can help me, a day at a time, do the things that perpetuate and offer remission. Those are things that I have to do the footwork with and for and yes, there's a sponsor, there's people who have walked ahead of me, there's a great God I serve, and they help me to understand what those elements are, but it's up to myself, through my footwork, to execute. I would say to parents you've got to set that path in front of your children. There must be consequences for deviations of behavior where they are actually feeding into behavior that is congruent with addiction or alcoholism. There must be consequences and then they must be offered a path where there is a solution and where there's resolution to that path.
Steve Coughran:Right, because, like you said before, if you're doing that, then you know, sure, maybe your guilt isn't just washed away like that, but at least you could look back and say, hey, I did everything that I could, absolutely. And you know, like, look, I had to come to a come to Jesus moment with myself, in like a literal come to Jesus. And what's interesting is that I had a question myself years ago. This was years ago, and I'm like, I've always believed in Jesus Christ. Okay, it's raised Christian, raised in the church. I always believed in Jesus Christ. So like, yeah, I'm like, yeah, I believe in God, I believe in Jesus Christ.
Steve Coughran:And then, as the time went on, I had a question myself and ask do I believe Jesus Christ, though? And what I mean by that is, if you believe, right, jesus Christ, then you can put your trust in him that he loves your kid way more than you love your kid, right, which is crazy, right, like we love our kids so much, but like he loves so much, like his love is perfect. So, if I love my kid this much and I'm an imperfect being that makes mistakes all the time and if his love is perfect, he loves like a zillion times more. So there've been times in my life where I'm like, oh my gosh, I just cannot fix it. And then I go back to that and I say, okay, do I believe Jesus Christ? Like, do I believe Jesus Christ loves me, does? Do I believe that he loves my kid? Do I believe that he's giving them these experiences and these opportunities to learn and grow?
Steve Coughran:And if so, sometimes I just have to surrender and say I've done everything I can, I've put up the boundaries, I've created the rules, I put in place the consequences, like you're referring to, and I have to trust. Yes, sometimes that's hard, because maybe you surrender and then guess what? Something terrible happens to your kid and maybe their life ends, or maybe they go to jail. Then it's like, oh my gosh, I surrendered and they ended up dead. Now you got to live with that for the rest of your life. Talk to me about that, Steven.
Steven Ginsburg:You triggered me into so many great thoughts. I was enjoying all of them as you were speaking and I love that, first and foremost, kind of to flip it the other way around. You know, I grew up not believing in Christ and then, in a Saul Paul moment, I cried out to him to save me. And what a great God I serve. He did. And you know, shame on me if I won't pay homage to that gift or if I'm going to press my luck and look a gift horse in the mouth and go and repeat the same patterns and behavior. So that was one train of thought I had. You know, will I honor the gift? So will we allow our children to honor the gift of their growth in that moment and then to flip over to the faith side of it?
Steven Ginsburg:You and I both, right now, during this call, we are 1 billion percent breathing air brother. I know that because we can hear each other. The call's going on. Neither of us have dropped the phone, but we can't see the air, can we? But we have every bit of faith that it's there. I can't see the Lord, but in every way, shape and form, I see him, I hear him, I know him, he is sovereign, he is real and there is safety and sanctity for all of us. And sometimes he is going to call our. This is awful. Sometimes these children will be called home. That's mortifying, easy to say, hard to live, easy to say hard to live. More importantly, if we as parents enable this behavior, if we as parents enable addiction and alcoholism, we are contributing to these children and to their demise in short order, and that is absolutely the sin of all sins. Yeah, I agree.
Steve Coughran:I agree, and look, if you're struggling with this something that gave me a tremendous amount of comfort and I'm not just saying this because I'm talking to Steven right now, but reading Steven's book filling the void was like a game changer, because I was able to read it and hear personal stories and hear progression right. So it's almost like the book starts at here's. Here's where Steven started. There's tips throughout the starts, at here's where Steven started, there's tips throughout the book and here's where he ended. And it's such a beautiful story and I think it could be a great gift to somebody who's struggling with addiction or, if you love somebody who has addiction issues, to understand them a little bit better. It'd be very helpful. So here's the deal, and Steven and I didn't talk about this before the show, so he's probably going to hate me for this. I'm just kidding, but I love you for it.
Steve Coughran:Okay, here's the thing we want, like, we want you to live a great life. That's the whole reason why we do this podcast. So it would mean the world number one to us If you would share this podcast with people that you know, because the more we get the word out there, the more lives we're going to be able to save. That's what we're all about. And number two if you send an email to hello at restore detox centerscom, to the website and the first five people who did this, stephen, I'm volunteering you because you have a giant heart and you will sign a copy of his book and he will mail it to you.
Steve Coughran:Now you have to live in the continental U? S because you know we can't spend a million dollars in shipping. You reach out to us Now, if you're listening to this podcast and it's, you know, a month later you probably way past it, right? But the first five who send an email to hello at restoreddetoxcenterscom, steven's going to sign a book and we're going to mail it to you for free, no obligation, no pressure. We just want you to get this in your hands. Does that sound good, Steven?
Steven Ginsburg:I love it. I'm really glad you brought that up. That's what it's there for. I'm grateful that you and I can dive in and share a few facets of the solution from the book. I'm more grateful that you and I are living the lives we are through a great God that we serve, and that our children are better for it and there's other children out there that'll be better for it, and we want to help the moms and dads. If you have a question, if you have a thought, there's something you need, please, I really want you to know. We want to hear from you. We are here with you and your family for all things. Steve, thank you so much for your part. Everyone have a safe and sober day.
