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Addiction Recovery
The Addiction Recovery Podcast is the ultimate destination for individuals battling addiction or supporting loved ones in their journey towards recovery. With a focus on providing informative, educational, and persuasive content, our podcast aims to engage and guide listeners towards healing and transformation.
Addiction Recovery
54: From “Have To” to “Want To”--The Mindset Shift That Makes Sobriety Stick
Recovery doesn’t last when it feels like punishment. The turning point comes when sobriety shifts from something you “have to” do into something you truly want—when it stops being about restriction and starts being about freedom.
Language plays a huge role in that shift. Saying “I don’t drink” instead of “I can’t drink” reframes recovery as empowerment, not deprivation. Over time—through meetings, step work, and community—what begins as obligation becomes desire.
Addiction involves both physical dependence and what the Big Book calls an “allergic reaction” that fuels loss of control. Lasting recovery brings about a “psychic change,” where cravings fade not by willpower alone but through spiritual growth and steady effort. With each day, sobriety feels more natural, even comfortable.
The benefits go far beyond abstinence: safe drives home, clear mornings, healthy relationships, and authentic connections. These daily wins build momentum, making recovery something to be cherished—not endured.
Whether you’re taking it day by day or moment by moment, every step forward fuels transformation. Have you felt that shift from “have-to” to “want-to”? Share your story at hello@restoredetoxcenters.com
or explore resources at restoredetoxcenters.com.
Helpful Links:
Learn more about Restore Detox Centers
Filling the Void book by Steven T. Ginsburg
Overcoming the Fear and Lies of Addiction e-book
How to Love and Set Boundaries Without Enabling Addiction e-book
Call Us for Addiction Recovery: 1-800-982-5530
DISCLAIMER:
Welcome to the Addiction Recovery podcast, brought to you by Restore Detox Centers. We are dedicated to providing valuable and insightful information on addiction recovery. However, it is essential to understand that the content shared in this podcast is intended for educational purposes only. While we strive to ensure the accuracy and reliability of the information presented, we cannot guarantee its completeness or suitability for individual circumstances. The topics discussed in this podcast are based on general knowledge and should not be considered a substitute for professional advice or treatment.
It is important to note that the views and opinions expressed by the podcast hosts, guests, or contributors are their own and may not necessarily reflect the views of Restore Detox Centers. We strongly advise listeners to consult with qualified professionals, such as addiction counselors, therapists, or medical practitioners, before making any decisions or taking any actions based on the information provided in this podcast. Please be aware that listening to this podcast does not establish a client-provider relationship with Restore Detox Centers.
This thing is a day at a time, and sometimes, if the day is too much, we do an hour at a time. And sometimes, if the hour is too much, steve, we do moment by moment.
Steve Coughran:This is the Addiction Recovery Podcast with Steven T Ginsburg, founder of Restore Detox Centers in sunny California. Enjoy your experience, steven. Today I want to talk about this idea of turning have-tos into want-tos, and I imagine that when somebody is suffering from addiction and they're living this lifestyle and they're in a ton of pain like we've both been there before and they finally hit a breaking point where, like I need to get some help, and let's say, they go to a facility like Restore and they go get help and they get clean and they get sober. Once they leave the facility, there's a massive life change coming their way. They're going back into society, going back to their jobs, going back to their friends, going back to the places maybe they used to hang out in, and they have to shift their mindset.
Steve Coughran:I'd imagine from this okay, I have to do this now, I have to do this now, I can't do this now, and it's all these have-tos, right? You should, you have to, you have to do this right. Very restrictive is probably what's going to make it stick, because I can imagine if somebody's just thinking I have to do this, I have to do that, I have to do this, it's just a matter of time before they break and they say, okay, look, this isn't working anymore. What are your thoughts on that?
Steven GInsburg:Steve, thank you so much. What a remarkable talking point and what a relevant pathway to really to building community. And we really at Restore and you've you've bear witness to this before At Restore we are getting people into that rhythm and into that feeling and into that pattern of. This is a sober life. This is sober lifestyle and where that turns into is we encourage people and implore people. You know meeting makers make it. That's bumper sticker stuff, but it's gospel.
Steven GInsburg:You start to connect, you start to go to meetings. You find meetings that you love. You find meetings where you're hearing what you need. You're finding meetings where you relate, you're realizing you need to go to meetings and the 90 and 90, which we insist on, 90 meetings in 90 days helps people adapt to this, because you're forced out into the playing field and you start to build community and you start to look forward to your meetings and then you hopefully, good Lord willing, assign yourself a meeting that you choose to call your home group, like that's one you don't miss, no matter what. That also helps to start that transition to where you have to to where you absolutely want to go. There is never a day where I don't want to and I'm not fired up and excited to attend a meeting. There's even days, steve, where I'm like oh man, do I need a meeting? I cannot wait for my meeting.
Steve Coughran:Yeah, and I like that, and tell me your thoughts on this. I read this book a while back and I can't remember the title and who wrote it, but essentially there's a part in the book where it's talking about setting goals. And let's just say I wanted to lose weight. If I came to you and said like, say, we went out to lunch, steven. And you're like hey, do you want to go and get a burger? And if I said, nah, steven, I can't eat burgers right now, I can't eat French fries, then it's almost disempowering because I'm saying to you like I can't do this, I'm restricting myself, I'm the victim, blah, blah, blah. Right.
Steve Coughran:Instead I could say oh, I don't eat fries right now, even though it's just a slight twist in words from I can't do this to I don't do that. Words from I can't do this to I don't do that there's power in that because I'm saying no, I'm choosing, in this example, not to eat French fries, I'm choosing not to smoke marijuana, I'm choosing not to take that drink, I don't drink, I don't smoke marijuana. Versus yeah, I can't drink right now. You know, I'm just getting out of recovery, I can't smoke this, I can't do that.
Steven GInsburg:So much of it is the perspective that we choose to carry and so much of it is. Are we going to look at this as something where we're anointed and where we're blessed and where it's a gift, or are we going to look at it as a curse and a burden? Because if I can't help people shift to where they see that glass half full and they see the blessing of recovery and they see the blessing of recovering, I can't help them find that perspective and that shift. It is very, very hard to keep them, Steve, out of pre-lapse and relapse because it becomes a burden instead of a joy.
Steve Coughran:So how do you get them to shift their mindset? I mean, that seems like a monumental shift, that has to occur in order for it to work?
Steven GInsburg:That's a good question, you know. I think we have to step back in a really loving, nurturing way and empower the individual to realize most people who, when we encounter them at Restore, we know it's not like we bumped into an end table doc over a lamp and said, hey, I'm going to go for treatment. There's been a series of harrowing disasters and there's a bottom that's been hit of some sort and there's been somewhat of the gift of desperation dulled out. And I think where we can gain ground there, brother, is to say to people hey, look, praise God, you're alive, you're here, you're well, you're reclaiming your health. There is hope, there is a solution. This is a gift To me again, I believe and we could get into a whole nother podcast episode on this one.
Steven GInsburg:Brother, I truly believe that we are handpicked, we are chosen for this path and I share that openly with people. And there is a gift and there are so many people we are going to be called to help once we start through a power greater than ourselves helping ourselves. And that's where I help individuals see the blessing in it, find the perspective in it and realize the promises in Alcoholics Anonymous. They're all what Promise, they all come true, and there's so much upside to that brother.
Steve Coughran:Do you think people this is kind of a weird question Do you think people want to smoke crack or they want to shoot heroin, or they want to smoke weed or whatever, to shoot heroin or they want to smoke weed or whatever? Do you think they get into this life cycle or life pattern whatever where they they really want to and maybe share some of your experience? Or do they get in this trap where maybe at first it was something that piqued their curiosity and they tried smoking at one time and then now they're trapped in and they're like I hate doing it. I hate that I have to, you know, shoot a needle in my arm. I just I'm so addicted to it that I've lost my ability to choose and to have that free agency to choose.
Steve Coughran:Does that make sense to you? Like, do people, do you feel like they really want to do it? Cause, like for me, there's times I'm like I really want to go running and it's like I want to go do that Right, or I really, I'm like I'm really craving ice cream, I want to go do that. Do you feel like addicts? They want, they want to drink and use drugs, or you think they're just like yes, in this life.
Steven GInsburg:I think there's two facets to the answer. First of all, when we look at heroin and we look at opiates, there's a physiological, bodily addiction component that comes into where you know once you and same thing with alcohol once you're far enough down that bunny trail, you get sick if you don't drink and you don't drug. So we check that box. That answer's there. Here's the other element of all this that is different. And to answer the question, look, it says in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous I am bodily and mentally different than my fellows. That is the truth.
Steven GInsburg:I have an allergy. My allergy is to mind-altering substances, is to mind-altering substances, and when I ingest a mind-altering substance, my allergic reaction is I want more and the unmanageability rears its ugly head and I go on a run. So there's no middle ground to that. So the rest of the answer to this great question is Once you are in that silo and in that pattern and you have been properly identified through your own unmanageability as an addict and alcoholic, that's not anything that ever goes away, a day at a time for the rest of our lives. So it's not that they necessarily want to, but the minute that they ingest that mind-altering substance they always say the first one is on us, it's our choice, the first one in a relapse is our choice. After that first one, all bets are off because we're triggered, the allergy is triggered and we're on that run and we just pray that they will make it back alive before the incomprehensible demoralization that builds kills them.
Steve Coughran:Yeah, that makes sense. Okay, let me ask you this Do you ever be honest and you're always honest, I don't even have to preface it with that but when you go out, like so, you go out with the group of friends and you're out at a restaurant and maybe they order wine or some other type of alcoholic beverage do you ever sit there and you think, dang, I wish I didn't have this disease, because I really go for a glass of Chardonnay right now, or is that not even in your mindset? We're like I don't even want to drink. Even if I didn't have this disease, I wouldn't even want to drink it anyways. Where are you at?
Steven GInsburg:So, based on my remission and my reprieve that I earned daily through repetitive, daily actions, I don't have the response to being amongst people who are choosing to participate like that, and so I don't sit there coveting or wanting the drink. It would be like someone with a peanut allergy who knows their throat closes up and they end up in ICU being like, oh my gosh, that bowl of nuts at the bar right there. I really want to dig in and take a huge handful. You just naturally, inherently, don't want that. There's another facet, though, I want to share to this answer.
Steven GInsburg:I'm also really grateful. I don't sit in judgment and I don't think I'm better than, or above, or necessarily even different than the people who are participating. I just think like, hey, they're normies, they don't have the issue I have, and this evening I'm not going to drink. But I am grateful. I know I'm going to be able to drive home. I know I'm not going to wake up with a hangover. I know my wife and I aren't going to get into alcohol-induced dust up because of a poor choice or something poorly said. That alcohol brought on. I'm so grateful to not carry that burden. That alcohol brought on. I'm so grateful to not carry that burden. And then the last thing I want to mention is this If, if there is a circumstance where I feel triggered, if there's a circumstance where I'm not comfortable, if there's a certain circumstance where I don't feel like myself or my reprieve and remission is lending itself to the equation, I immediately, immediately, immediately, 911, remove myself from those circumstances.
Steve Coughran:Yeah, that's smart, like just get out of the hole in situations.
Steven GInsburg:Yeah, that has happened to me before in a day, at a time in my long-term sobriety. I can remember an Easter brunch I went to. Easter service was amazing, I'll make this quick, I promise. And the mimosas started flying and I was like I don't like this. I don't like the way I spiritually and emotionally feel watching the mimosas go down after such a beautiful Easter service and I scooped up Braden, who was a baby at the time, and I left. Yeah, why didn't feel good? Yeah, and I don't have to do it doesn't feel good. I've done enough in this lifetime of what doesn't feel good.
Steve Coughran:Yeah, think that's smart and it well. It's interesting because I think back on when I used to smoke cigarettes. Like I love smoking cigarettes.
Steven GInsburg:I loved waking up in the morning and having that first puff which is crazy because, like you know me running I'm like this fit guy.
Steve Coughran:I'm total ocd with my hands. I don't even pet your dog sometimes because I don't want my hands to smell.
Steve Coughran:But here I was just like engulfed in smoke. I mean it's crazy who I used to be. But I remember I knew, like in my heart that I needed to quit. Like I was coughing up a lung, coughing up black stuff. I'm just like, uh, not not doing well, but I wanted to. I wanted to smoke, so I'd make these goals. I read in my journal. I'm like, okay, steve, this is your constitution, you are going to quit and you're going to not smoke cigarettes anymore. And I would write this down. And then the next day I'm like, okay, I'm not smoking anymore, I throw away my cigarettes, flush them, whatever it would be. But in the back of my mind I still wanted to do it.
Steven GInsburg:And guess what?
Steve Coughran:All it took was go out with the friends, have a drink or two, and then next thing you know, I'm smoking. And so this continued. This pattern continued over and over again for a long time, right, almost a decade. It wasn't until, like, I found power in my savior, jesus christ, and in my faith, and whether you, you know, believe in god or you believe in some higher power or whatever it may be, it wasn't until I turned it over for me to Jesus that it was removed. It's so hard to explain. It's removed for me Like I don't even crave it, I don't even want, like, if I'm around somebody, I'm not like, ah, dang I, I, I can't smoke. I want to smoke, but I just, I, I just can't, you know, or I'm going to get in trouble.
Steven GInsburg:So it's just like it's god, like you know, Steve dovetail, dovetailing back to our topic, to where the the half twos become want twos. Yeah, it's the footwork. What you described is so great. There's a section in the book where they write that we pull away from alcohol and really when I'm referring to alcohol, I'm referring to everything. We pull away from it, like we would pull away from a hot flame, but that is through a psychic change that happens through this footwork where the have to's become wantos. That's what teaches each individual, all of the footwork of this fellowship.
Steven GInsburg:You've got a sponsor, you've got the conception of a power grid, and then yourself you go to meetings, you work all 12 steps, which produces a psychic change in your service. And there is your recipe for that cake. And what cake are we baking? We're baking that want to cake that leads us into this remission or reprieve that is earned on a daily basis. And suddenly, just like you, don't want a cigarette, we don't want to drink and drug, but we've got to be mindful, we've got to keep pouring in, we've got to keep hitting that kitchen. I like the cake analogy. I'm on it, so I'm going to stay on it and baking that cake again and again, a day at a time. And that's okay.
Steven GInsburg:Listen, this thing is a day at a time, and sometimes, if the day is too much, we do an hour at a time. And sometimes, if the hour is too much, steve, we do moment by moment. But the moment leads to hours, leads to days, leads to weeks, leads to months, leads to years, a day at a time. And we do those have-tos that become the want-tos, a day at a time, and we build this life and suddenly, you know, good Lord willing, steve, a day at a time. I'm heading towards another anniversary, november 12th. I will take 21 years, clean and sober, by God's grace and mercy and the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous. This thing works, it's proven to work. That phenomenon of craving is gone for me today, like it is from you with cigarettes. That is through footwork, by design Again, where the want tos are really evolved from the half tos in our life.
Steve Coughran:So if you keep working the program, even though you may still want to drink and drug over time, what you're saying like over time, that gets replaced, transformed into. I have to avoid this too. I want to avoid this. I want to be clean. I want to be sober.
Steven GInsburg:It's your life, it becomes your life's journey. It's the most comfortable and natural thing in the world and it's beautiful and and the return is so great. I'm not talking about material return. I'm not talking about monetary return. I'm talking about the return as far as like, how about just quality of life? How about the fact that I get to be on the phone right now with one of my best friends, you, who I love, and get to cover material? That's imperative and important, but that we're both passionate about?
Steven GInsburg:Like what a gift that is. That came from. What Sobriety, yeah, and there's a million examples like that in people's own lives and journey. But you've got to give yourself a chance. How many times have you and I done episodes about don't leave before the miracle Guys? Hang in there, do your part, reach out to us, do the footwork, trust, gain the gift. It's right there for the taking. But the enemy wants to get in everyone's ear and tell them that's no good and you can't do it, it's too long. Those are all lies. The truth is in the solution and in the footwork.
Steve Coughran:I love it. Well said, we want to hear from you. What are your comments, what are your thoughts on this, and if you have any ideas for us or you just have questions, you could always reach out at hello at restoredetoxcenterscom. We'd love to get your emails. And also, if you want to check out the resources we've made available to you, you can always go to our website, restoredetoxcenterscom.
Steven GInsburg:I love it. Steve, thank you so much for covering such an imperative and important topic. We love you. We are for you. Out there, everyone, have a safe and sober day.
