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Addiction Recovery
The Addiction Recovery Podcast is the ultimate destination for individuals battling addiction or supporting loved ones in their journey towards recovery. With a focus on providing informative, educational, and persuasive content, our podcast aims to engage and guide listeners towards healing and transformation.
Addiction Recovery
63: Why Sobriety Feels Scary — And How to Find Real Peace
Pain makes us reach for quick relief—something to take the edge off and keep us moving. We talk honestly about how alcohol and drugs can feel like help at first, then quietly become the problem, especially for those carrying trauma, stress, or old wounds. If you’ve leaned on “liquid confidence,” this episode unpacks how short-term comfort leads to long-term isolation—and how to recognize when life becomes unmanageable.
We replace fear with facts: what detox really looks like, how symptoms are managed safely, and why no one has to do it alone. Then we get to the heart of recovery—the spiritual malady that substances only numb. Acceptance is like discovering a food allergy: some of us just can’t use safely. Surrender isn’t defeat; it’s choosing what works.
We also redefine power. Saying “I’m broken” keeps us stuck; saying “I’m learning to manage this disease” puts us back in control. Through community, step work, daily practice, and service, people find real freedom—clearer minds, steadier sleep, deeper connection, and strength through helping others.
If you feel the boulder rolling toward you, this is your invitation to step aside and step in. Hit play for straight talk on coping, compassion, and a recovery path that lasts.
Helpful Links:
Learn more about Restore Detox Centers
Filling the Void book by Steven T. Ginsburg
Overcoming the Fear and Lies of Addiction e-book
How to Love and Set Boundaries Without Enabling Addiction e-book
Call Us for Addiction Recovery: 1-800-982-5530
DISCLAIMER:
Welcome to the Addiction Recovery podcast, brought to you by Restore Detox Centers. We are dedicated to providing valuable and insightful information on addiction recovery. However, it is essential to understand that the content shared in this podcast is intended for educational purposes only. While we strive to ensure the accuracy and reliability of the information presented, we cannot guarantee its completeness or suitability for individual circumstances. The topics discussed in this podcast are based on general knowledge and should not be considered a substitute for professional advice or treatment.
It is important to note that the views and opinions expressed by the podcast hosts, guests, or contributors are their own and may not necessarily reflect the views of Restore Detox Centers. We strongly advise listeners to consult with qualified professionals, such as addiction counselors, therapists, or medical practitioners, before making any decisions or taking any actions based on the information provided in this podcast. Please be aware that listening to this podcast does not establish a client-provider relationship with Restore Detox Centers.
You really think a person with a peanut allergy doesn't surrender to the fact that they're allergic to peanuts? They do.
Steve Coughran:This is the Addiction Recovery Podcast with Steven T. Ginsburg, founder of Restore Detox Centers in Sunny, California. Enjoy your experience. Steven, I want to talk about drugs and alcohol as a coping mechanism. And really what I want to kick things off with is this idea of I think a lot of people experience pain. A lot of people, right? You and I experience pain. You listening, you probably experience pain. And I think some of us, we find mechanisms early on in life that help us to cope with the pain. And sometimes those mechanisms could be good. I remember, you know, in high school or even junior high, there's some kids and they were great athletes. You know, they're the track star, the football player, the gymnast, all-star. And those people probably use physical activity as a coping mechanism to pain, right? I think other people, you know, maybe they don't have athletic abilities or they don't have the same type of interest, and therefore they have pain and they don't know how to cope with it, or we all deal with different circumstances in life. And sometimes the pain cuts deeper at different points throughout our journey. And so, my question that I'm leading up to is what if I've dealt with childhood trauma for my entire life, maybe as super bad. And over the last 20 years, I've used drugs or I've used alcohol as the coping mechanism. Don't you think that could be kind of scary for somebody in that position to rip that coping mechanism out of my hand? Right? Like if I'm the one struggling and you're saying, Hey, come to restore, we're gonna get you help. And it's like, dude, you're gonna take away the only thing that I know of that can bring me at least some type of relief.
Steven Ginsburg:Yes.
Steve Coughran:Talk to me about this. Let's go deeper into this.
Steven Ginsburg:This is great. So, this is one of those ones where I'm having to use all of my best grown-up powers to allow you to finish and not jump in and interrupt you because I want to get right in and start tinkering away and fixing it. But I am proud of my growth, letting you finish that full thought, which is perfect. This is a great topic. Hey, listen, when that coping mechanism for what that said individual is coping with is causing more trauma and more damage and more unmanageability than the very trauma and PTSD they're dealing with through that coping mechanism. Now we've got to deal with the entire imbalance and the dysfunction that that coping mechanism is providing. And so very often, this is a very, very accurate assessment of what's happening. Someone has got stuff, and there's quotes around my big word stuff that they've been carrying for years and years and years and years, and they haven't wanted to look at it, they haven't wanted to deal with it, they haven't wanted to unpack it, they are anesthetizing themselves through drugs and alcohol. And the unmanageability that always follows that type of conduct rears its ugly head in such massive pervasive ways, and finally they are in need of a solution. And then we've got to remove the coping mechanism and get into the solution and the resolution of the said trauma, Steve. But it, I mean, here's the crazy thing, right?
Steve Coughran:Because I think it's kind of like a baby, right? So a baby gets used to like a pacifier, for example. Yep. And if you were to just like rip that out of their mouth, like they say they're used to it for two years of their life, right? They're gonna like freak out because that is the only thing that sues them. And so, and I'm not saying drugs and alcohol are a good thing to use as like a coping mechanism, but don't you think some people they're like, hey, look, I'm scared to get help because like this has been the only thing that has helped me in my life. And so let me explain. Like, I've heard this over and over again from people. It's the the kid, the boy or the girl who were socially awkward, they didn't fit in, maybe they were bullied a little bit, maybe they had a lisp like me, right? Or maybe they just dressed funny or looked funny or they weren't as cool. Then they come across alcohol and they're like, Oh my gosh, I just found the one thing that calms my nerves that helps me to fit in and it makes me feel normal. I'm using air quotes normal, right? Right, and that's the trap, right? Because you think, wow, you know, I can drink this stuff, it's the liquid confidence, right? It makes my more fun, I'm funny at these parties, now I'm fitting in, and so it it reinforces the behavior. Terrible trap, because little do you know that it's gonna lead to isolation because eventually it's gonna isolate you from everybody and then it's gonna trap you. But I think a lot of people turn to that in social settings, whether it's smoking weed. Oh, you know, I'm weird, unless I smoke weed, you know, I'm gonna go to the this party or this get together and I'm gonna stand out and be this awkward person. But if I drink one or two, then it, you know, it's all like a bunch of crap, it's garbage, it's lies, but but it's pervasive, Steven.
Steven Ginsburg:It is. Listen, there's a couple different elements to address here. Not every single person in the world is in need of recovery, is in need of sobriety, is going to get into recovery, is gonna get clean and sober. There are, I refer to them as normies, and it's not it's not a derogatory term. There are people who just they don't drink and drug like that, and they don't have any unmanageability. And yeah, they have a they have a glass of wine and suddenly their flow is better and they're chilling and they know not to drink and drive, and they go home and go to bed. Maybe they eat some drive through McDonald's on the way home. That's fun because the Uber stops them there. There's no problem, there's no there's no problem at work, it's not an ongoing thing, they're not on some full run, they're full on normies. God bless them. That's not what I'm focused on. That's not me. Like a person with a peanut allergy, they can have Snickers and pistachios and honey roasted whatever, and they end up in the year. A person who doesn't have a peanut allergy can eat whatever they want with nuts in it. Never the two shall meet. Where this fits in and where there's alignment with this, and what matters with this is there's never a problem until when, until there is one. If unmanageability starts to rear its ugly head behind your coping mechanism, if your coping mechanism is showing a pattern to perpetuate in a progressive nature, I need more and more, I need to combine things, I need to smoke a joint, take a pill, and drink a bottle and a half of wine. When where I started was with a glass of wine, you are on track. Like you are qualifying. You have qualified. You are in my realm. There is unmanageability in your life behind addiction and alcoholism. You are an addict and alcoholic. By the way, congratulations. I think we are the chosen ones. Uh, we are chosen to help and heal ourselves, and then we are chosen to help and heal others. But it's about the acceptance of that reality. It's about the surrender to look, you you really think a person with a peanut allergy doesn't surrender to the fact that they're allergic to peanuts? They do. A person who is an addict and alcoholic must a day at a time surrender to the fact I am bodily and mentally different than my fellows. I have an allergy. And by the way, Steve, to your point, and this all fits in, and this is a long topic and a good one. There's people who go through their whole life and they're cruising along fine, being a normie. And then suddenly it takes hold and it catapults. I see this so many times, Steve. I'm like, I don't know what happened. I'm like, hey man, I don't know what happened yet either. We've got to look at what's happening to find out what's happened. But here's what I do know: this is not like, you know, John Jones is not dealing with this, having like a gin and tonic one night out on a Thursday. You, my friend, are like waking up in different states, don't know how you got there and don't know who's in the room with you. We got to dig in. And never, again, never the two shall meet.
Steve Coughran:Okay. So provide me some reassurance though, because if I'm not a normie, and what if I like, let's just say I dealt with something super traumatic. Maybe it's sexual assault. Maybe my parents like got divorced and is super traumatic, or as abandoned by a parent, or maybe as homeless on the streets when I was a kid and found drugs and alcohol, and it's been my coping mechanism for 20 plus years, and now it's unmanageable, as you mentioned, and I need to get some help, but I am scared to death because I don't know what life looks like without this thing. And I am afraid that the pain is going to be so bad that it's holding me back from getting the help that I deserve.
Steven Ginsburg:Sure. So here's the reassurance I could provide you in this scenario and to anyone who's suffering from it. That pain of facing everything and recovering. And that is the acronym for fear that I love face everything and recover. The momentary pain of that compared to the gift and the blessing and the miracles that occur as the promises start to come true in our lives, is a very, very small, manageable, palatable price to pay that no one has to pay alone as we begin the journey. But if we are going to dig in and hang in and hold on and flat out refuse, the pain that is going to continue, the escalation of consequences, the fruition of the yets that haven't happened in our life. I haven't killed anyone with my car yet. Haven't gotten extreme DWI yet. Haven't been told that my wife or my husband is filing for divorce yet. Haven't lost custody of my kids yet. Haven't lost my job yet. Those yets are coming. You're going to see them coming. It's going to be like that boulder in Raiders of the Lost dArk that came running at Indy Jones. I don't know why that guy gave me that analogy, but I serve up whatever he gives me. You can't miss that boulder, right? You will see it, ladies and gentlemen. You will know it's coming. And when you see it coming, you better throw that white flag out and be like, I need help and come and get something because you are going to get flattened. And that gift of desperation, that incomprehensible, good words here, incomprehensible demoralization. Those are real words. Those are gifts. Those are get out of jail free cards. You got to grab those and run because this thing is happening. And it's not just going to miraculously change course. You are in the grips of this illness and this ailment and sobriety and abstinence and working a program of such is your only way out.
Steve Coughran:So, but I mean, how painful is it? And how much relief can somebody expect when they go to somewhere like restore? I mean, I think about the dentist, right? And it's like, your tooth hurts, and you're like, oh my gosh, this is a root canal. And they're like, let me give you a shot in the roof of your mouth, and it's gonna uh it's gonna hurt for just a minute, and then you're gonna feel great. And then we're gonna do like we're gonna drill this out, do the root canal, and you're gonna walk away, you're gonna be in pain for a little bit, but then your life's gonna be great. Like, what are the expectations? You go in, you strip this coping mechanism away from them. Are they like sitting there in cold sweats, shoe with shakes for like five, 10 days, like terrible? Or do you feel like the relief comes a lot faster?
Steven Ginsburg:So I want to do a great job answering you completely. First of all, no one's gonna sit at restore in cold shakes, trembling alone because we are a medical detox residential treatment center. So if someone is going to go through subacute, subacute is a minor acute symptomatic detox or acute detox, we have a medical director who is ridiculous, like amazing, beautiful, has a heart for it. And he's gonna make sure that we properly prescribe elements to make sure that that physical pain is manageable. It's not non-existent, but it's manageable and that we can rest and hydrate and eat and be comforted. And then we come, we come to, we come to believe. And then when you're out of that state, when you're out of that state where medical assistance is necessity, and it says in the big book, we are not doctors, we let doctors do go about their business because people can have strokes, people can have seizures, people can die from withdrawal. So we've got to keep everyone alive. Then we will dig into the realm of what has produced and provided this trauma that we are anesthetizing, just like that dying nerve in the tooth. Yeah, that shot hurts, that pinch hurts. But man, when that dying nerve is satiated and subjugated, and we start to get into the truth and we start to get into the solution, and we start to realize there is hope, we start to realize that we are loved, we start to realize that we are worthy, we feel better and better and better. We only need to begin that journey a step at a time.
Steve Coughran:Yeah, I mean, I see it when I go to the house and you're like, hey, yeah, you know, let me introduce you to this person and they've been there for like a week or two weeks. You can start seeing the light come back into their countenance, and it's like it's in their eyes. You can see it, and it's like, oh yeah, wow, it's crazy.
Steven Ginsburg:They're coming to life. And you know, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna take advantage of this moment that you just served up. So good job. And like, listen, guys, Steve is long overdue for a visit to the house because he needs to get out and see the lights coming on, and it's so beautiful. And the reason why I love having Steve come out is I want you to understand that the voices you're hearing, these are things he and I experience shoulder to shoulder together. He's at the table with the community, with myself, with the team at restore. This is all real time. And by the way, if you're out there and you're listening, hey, guess what? You have an invitation. Come to Restore, find us, like, come join me, like hit me up, come sit in on group. Everyone is invited to group. You will see this solution live in real time, and it is there for everyone and anyone.
Steve Coughran:I love that. And I love you just your open door approach to this because you tell me all people show up all the time to group. You're like, hey, I got alumni here and friends, and this person and that. And uh I just I love your open heart. Yeah, you you're just so loving and so kind. The last thing that I want to share, and it's a thought that I had today that I definitely want to put in here into this episode, and then we can wrap up. Is in business, you know, when I'm working with companies, it's like one of the first things that I have to do is I have to identify what is the problem they're trying to solve. Like what is the one problem? And for some businesses, it's like they need uh a more talented operational leader, or for another business, they may need more leads, or they may need more cash flow, or they may need a bigger facility, whatever it is. But there's always one main problem that constrains a business, and you solve that problem and another problem pops up. But what I was thinking of today was when it comes to defining this problem, the best thing we could do is frame it in a way where we control the problem. And so, what I mean by that, if I just said to you, hey Steven, my business is really struggling because you can't get customers nowadays. It's really hard to get customers. Everybody's busy, everybody's distracted. There's so much competition, nobody's spending money. If I said that to you, guess who has the power? The market has the power, the customers have the power, the competitors have the power. But if I said to you, hey Steven, here's the biggest problem in my business right now. I don't know how to get leads. I don't know how to get leads. That's my biggest problem right now. Who has the power? I do because it's a deficiency in my skills, my capabilities, my training, my system, whatever it may be. But it's my problem. It's my problem to solve because I could solve the outcome. And so when we're talking about this coping mechanism, I think a lot of times people deal with pain. So going back to the beginning of the episode, people deal with pain, so they try to alleviate the pain. Sometimes it's in good ways, sometimes it's in destructive ways. But I think when we can face the problems in our lives and we can frame it in a way where we control the outcome. For example, hey, I'm an alcoholic. I was just born this way. My dad was an alcoholic, my grandpa was an alcoholic. There's nothing I could do about it. That's just the way it is. That's my reality. Versus saying, you know, I'm an alcoholic and I don't know how to manage this disease. Yes. Right there, I'm saying I don't know how to like I can go get the tools, but I own the outcome, right?
Steven Ginsburg:Brother, it says right in sorry, I don't mean to interrupt you at all, but it's a but I I want to say this chapter five is called How It Works. Great chapter. You've heard me cover that chapter before. Why do I love that chapter? Because it explains how it works, it's a good title for the chapter. Yeah, and they they've got to make this like hey, don't kill yourself for dummies. That's what the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous is for me. In chapter five, how it works, it explains no human power could have relieved us of our alcoholism. And then it goes right behind that that God could and would if you were saw it. So people who suffer from this, like I do, we inherently are carrying a spiritual malady. So, in alignment with your example, the the problem of no customers, our problem is this. I, Stephen Ginsburg, have a spiritual malady. Yeah. Today, as I speak with you in this moment on this podcast, my spiritual malady is in reprieve and in remission because of things I am doing daily to address and care for that spiritual malady. That is the solution to that alcoholic and that addict's problem. A spiritual solution through a series of steps that produce a spiritual awakening that provide the remission and reprieve, and thereby get us into the solution for our problem, our problems. But without that footwork, without the approach, and by the way, it's very methodical, it's very well thought out, it's a perfect blueprint, it's proven to work. Here's what's cool this is proven. This is you, no one can deny that it's proven. Again, millions of people globally from all walks of life in all sorts of languages you and I have never heard of are participating in this solution. And they are having that ongoing remission and reprieve to their spiritual malady through these steps and through this program that is proven to work and address that quote unquote issue.
Steve Coughran:Yeah, well said. And I mean, it it's I mean, it's true. It's like right there, right in front of our faces. Yep. And I love that. And and I think, I mean, we could do a whole other episode on this, but we'll leave it. Yes. But I think it there's there's so much to take out of this episode. And thanks for your such encouraging words and insights and sharing your experience and sharing your heart uh with me and just with all of our friends out there, Steven.
Steven Ginsburg:Steve, my pleasure. Thank you for thank you for serving this topic up today. I, you know, in this instance, I have a chance to be of service. And I will tell you, service is better for the server. I'm the server than the served. People who are listening are served. I am getting a chance to reflect and reapproach what is sharpening my saw and allowing my reprieve to continue today. So thank you to everyone out there who's participating in this. Every time we examine the solution, we reinforce and we bolster our solution a day at a time. So if you are out there and you are struggling or you are suffering, we want to hear from you. If you want to know more, you have questions, we want to hear from you. Just know this we love you, we are for you, and everyone, please have a safe and sober day.
