Addiction Recovery

65: The Devil’s Triangle and Holiday Relapse

• Steven T. Ginsburg • Season 1 • Episode 65

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The stretch from Thanksgiving to New Year’s can feel like a maze if you’re in recovery. We call it the “devil’s triangle.” In this episode, we unpack why holiday triggers spike—family dynamics, old roles, and nostalgia—and share practical ways to stay steady with a simple, portable plan.

You’ll hear a story about driving past old using spots, feeling panic hit, and then spotting the church where a first meeting and a 24-hour chip changed everything. That moment became a reminder: don’t regret the past or shut the door on it—use it as a guide and keep moving forward.

We cover the essentials: load up on meetings before travel, stay connected to a sponsor, lean on step work, service, and faith, and create clear exit strategies so you’re never trapped by someone else’s plans.

If you’re hosting, we share straightforward boundary scripts—what’s allowed, what goes home with guests, and how to handle alcohol. Early in sobriety? Make it dry. Feeling stable? Set expectations upfront.

Above all, keep it simple: eat, breathe, connect. If things get intense, step outside, call someone, or head to a marathon meeting. You’re not alone.

Helpful Links:
Learn more about Restore Detox Centers
Filling the Void book by Steven T. Ginsburg
Overcoming the Fear and Lies of Addiction e-book
How to Love and Set Boundaries Without Enabling Addiction e-book
Call Us for Addiction Recovery:  1-800-982-5530

DISCLAIMER:
Welcome to the Addiction Recovery podcast, brought to you by Restore Detox Centers. We are dedicated to providing valuable and insightful information on addiction recovery. However, it is essential to understand that the content shared in this podcast is intended for educational purposes only. While we strive to ensure the accuracy and reliability of the information presented, we cannot guarantee its completeness or suitability for individual circumstances. The topics discussed in this podcast are based on general knowledge and should not be considered a substitute for professional advice or treatment.

It is important to note that the views and opinions expressed by the podcast hosts, guests, or contributors are their own and may not necessarily reflect the views of Restore Detox Centers. We strongly advise listeners to consult with qualified professionals, such as addiction counselors, therapists, or medical practitioners, before making any decisions or taking any actions based on the information provided in this podcast. Please be aware that listening to this podcast does not establish a client-provider relationship with Restore Detox Centers.


Steve Coughran:

Steven, it's so great to be back with you after Thanksgiving. We are now in the heart of the holiday season, which is a really exciting time for all of us, but it's also known as the devil's triangle. So there's this term that is out there in the world. I and I want to turn it over to you so you can explain what the devil's triangle actually means and why it's really important for us to understand how to avoid it. Steve, thank you.

Steven Ginsburg:

And it is so good to be back. And I I hope and know that you and your family had a beautiful Thanksgiving, and I hope everyone else did as well. And I certainly can't take an ounce of credit for the terminology. I was on a Zoom meeting while I was on Thanksgiving holiday visiting my family because meeting makers make it. I was on a Zoom meeting, and a gentleman who's been sober for quite some time jumped on during his share and he said, Hey, this is a really tough time in my home group. We are headed right into the heart of the devil's triangle, which is Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Year's. And that is a time where there is such a humongous amount, unfortunately, of relapse. And this is a time where people get so triggered. And I certainly agree, from Thanksgiving all the way through Christmas and to New Year's, I truly do just sort of hold my breath and get ready and wait, because it is a triggery time. Our families can be huge triggers for us, and we just see so much progression and relapse during this period.

Steve Coughran:

So, I mean, why is it such a triggering time? Is it because people kind of let down their guard or they're around more drinking naturally as they gather with family and friends, or like what is the catalyst here?

Steven Ginsburg:

I think all of those elements certainly can be in our part of it, Steve, to your point. And I think also when we as people who are in recovery, who are recovering, head back to our families of origin in any way, shape, and form, no matter how far the healing has gone, no matter how much progress we continue to make on a daily basis, sometimes elements will come up or things will trigger things from our past to come up, or shame will pay an untimely visit from some of the chapters of our past. And all too often, if our house is not in order, it can lead to a relapse, which is just devastating and can be fatal for people like myself and others who are in recovery.

Steve Coughran:

Which is tough. I mean, because if you go back to your, you know, your family's home, your hometown where you grew up, where all your friends were, uh, where maybe you first got into drugs and alcohol or whatever it may be. Like there's so many triggers, like you're mentioning. Maybe it's Uncle Bob is at the Thanksgiving dinner and he just makes one comment off comet, and then you're like, dang, you know, and you relapse. Or I mean, there's so many different things can happen, especially when you're going back into this environment. But I mean, what's the alternative? It I mean, it's not like you can just avoid family and stay isolated in a cave when you're trying to stay clean and sober. So, what are your thoughts on that?

Steven Ginsburg:

It's very specific in the big book of Alcoholics Anonymous. We are free to go anywhere, and that is a fact. All that being said, I've often referred to it as the scene of the crime. Sometimes when we head back towards the scene of the crime or our family's place of origin, things will come up. So we're not here to live in fear, we're not here to waltz in a minefield, but it's a cautionary time of year where an ounce of prevention is absolutely worth a pound of cure. And that's the important element where I wanted to bring this to the forefront for you and I today. Our program comes with us wherever we go. It's portable, it's made that way. And we need to, and first, let me start with me, and that gives me licensure for we. I need to be and maintain an intentional pursuit of my recovery the way I intentionally pursue drugs and alcohol. So, therefore, when we are going back to those family scenarios, whether it's a trip or whether it's even down the block back to our childhood home, we need to make sure that our meeting count is in order, that our relationship with our sponsor is in order, that our step work is in order, that our lineage and our faith and hope in our power greater than ourselves. For me, that's my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, is in order and that we are being of service so that we have the armor of God around us. And so these family functions are a time of joy and celebration. So we can deflect and defer the other patterns of people who don't have a program, and we can enjoy the holidays in a safe and sober manner.

Steve Coughran:

Yeah, I love that. And you always talk about having like that system in place, like you're you're going to meetings, you're talking with your sponsor, like you're working the program. And you know, I think about when I first stopped drinking and smoking, and I just got clean from all that stuff. I remember going back to different environments. So whether it was back to a friend's house or maybe it was going out with a few friends to a certain place, to a different, like a certain venue. And I remember the first time, especially, and even the first few times, it just brought up these feelings and it just put me in a really bad situation. And I was like, I don't feel comfortable here anymore. And I think there's this idea of like looking back, and so like I know you're a big student of the Bible, same here, and it like this conversation makes me think of Lot's wife. And if you think back on Lot's wife, and remember when she looked back at Sodom and she kind of had this yearning to go back, and then she was turned into this pillar of salt, it makes me kind of think of that because I think God in this situation, I mean, I don't I don't know all God's intentions and motivations, obviously, but I think there's something there where God doesn't want us to look back, He doesn't want us to yearn to go back, I should say. Because I think we can look back, we could look back on our progress. I know you do, right? You know, you look back on our dang, when I was 20 or when I was in my 30s or whatever, you know, I was doing this stuff, you're like, wow, looking back, I'm so glad I'm not there anymore. So I think it's okay to look back and reflect and and measure our progress. But I think there's something's really dangerous, something really dangerous occurs when we yearn to go back. And isn't it funny how our minds play tricks on us because we think back, oh, those were the good old days. And it's like, those weren't the good old days when I was drinking, those weren't the good old days. I was like throwing up, I was sick, you know, I'd wake up the next day feeling like I had the flu because I drank too much the night before. Those weren't the good old days. No, but for some reason, we look back on some experiences. We're like, oh wow, you know, I was so happy then, but it's like a bunch of garbage.

Steven Ginsburg:

You know, it it's interesting. We don't want to romanticize those elements because it's not healthy and it's not real. That's the way the enemy works. But there's a there's a facet in the ninth step promises that are that's important here and it's relevant here, Steve. Kind of as we head down the home stretch on this. Part of the ninth step promises tells me, tells us that we do not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it. So I'm not gonna sit here and live in regret over it, because that's false. That's where shame comes in. But I'm also not gonna shut the door on it. Why? Because if I forget that history, there's a possibility I'm going to repeat it. I'm not willing to forget it today. I'm not gonna beat myself up over it because that's not what this deal's about. But I'm not gonna shut the door on it because it's gonna continue to provide me a cautionary tale where my path is concerned. So, one more element I want to share with you very quickly. Quite a few years back, Nicole and I were heading to a work function. I'm gonna, I was still very involved in the commercial real estate end of my life back then. And it was in more in the Beverly Hills area, more in LA, more really in my crime scene. And the closer we got, Steve, my heart was racing. I was clenching my fist. Nicole was driving. She's a much better driver than I am. And she's like, My gosh, like, baby, are you okay? Like, I've never seen you have anything like a panic attack, but I feel like you're getting, you're in a grip. And I was like, I just I was losing my breath. It was so physically and spiritually and mentally and emotionally overwhelming. And I was like, my gosh, it's all coming back to me, the places where I scored drugs, the things I saw, the way I felt. And then I saw, oh my gosh, dude, I'm gonna lose it right on our podcast. I saw the church. I saw the church on Wilshire Boulevard right there. As I was feeling all that and sharing that with my wife, I saw the church where I went to my first meeting back. My first meeting back, my first day of sobriety. And I'm like, my gosh, Nicole, that's the church where I went to my first meeting and took my 24-hour tip, and she pulled right over. Man, you and I married well, bro. She pulled right over and we charged across the street and she took a picture of me in front of the church. And you know what, brother? It was all restored, it was all better, like it was all okay. Like there it was. There that building was, there was the hope, there was the truth, there was that part of the path where the reclamation and the restoration occurred, and what a miracle this journey is, because we just do not regret that past, nor was to shut the door on it. And that's why no matter what time of year it is, it's always my Lord and Savior first and my sobriety first, and then more shall be revealed.

Steve Coughran:

Wow. I mean, that is such a powerful story. You gave me goosebumps when you're talking about, you know, coming up upon the church. And I think there's hope all around, right? There's hope in our past, there's hope in our future and our present. When it comes to this holiday season, like this devil's triangle that we're talking about, what did you do in the beginning when it was like really hard for you? Because not saying it's not hard for you, and it's not, it's not like you just stop working on your program. We always talk about that, but probably in the beginning is especially harder, maybe throughout your journey, there are certain moments when it is really hard. Do you have any like tips or lessons learned that you like went through that you can share with the listener who's thinking, here we go, like this is a dangerous time for me. What can I do about it?

Steven Ginsburg:

You know, thank you, Steve. It's really an listen, I I will never forget my first Thanksgiving when again, you know, I'm a product of relapse. I gave up 12 years of sobriety. I was out for four and a half years, and then you go back through year one. And remember, I got sober when? November 12, 2004. Well, that that first Thanksgiving came up, didn't it? And let me tell you, like, there weren't a lot of invites out there. I was alienated and ostracized, and rightfully so from my friends and family. Um, I spent my first Thanksgiving alone. I ordered, I remember ordering dominoes on my first Thanksgiving, and that was painful. And I easily could have gone into pity and gone into sorrow and regret and remorse. I didn't. I ate my pizza, I cried, I definitely cried. I called my family, and there was some cordial conversations, and then I went right to an AA meeting because they were having a marathon Thanksgiving meeting, and I ate there and I fellowshipped there. And you know what? I made it through that. It was just another day. It was that Thursday was a day, and I made it through that day, and I felt better when I laid my head on the pillow, and the next day came, and then Christmas came, and that was better, and then New Year's came a day at a time, and that was better. And I stayed from year one a day at a time till this year, a day at a time. The main thing remained the main thing. Again, and I'm a broken record, right? And it's repetition that creates the results. A power greater than myself, my Lord and Savior, a sponsor with working knowledge of the steps, going to those meetings, working the steps, being of service. That is the composition of my remission and my reprieve then and now. Then and now, a day at a time. It's simple, it's just I'm complicated. I'm not going to complicate it, especially not this time of year when so much is at stake.

Steve Coughran:

Yeah, it. I mean, it is simple. And I I just love your perspective where it's just like get through the day, just get through today, go to sleep, and then success. Another day sober and then work on this day. I love that perspective. Okay. Last question for you before we wrap up. Because what do you do in a situation where you want to have people over? You want to have friends and loved ones into your home. You're sober, and people are likely to either bring alcohol into your home, maybe they bring wine or champagne or whatever they drink during Thanksgiving, or you know stuff's going on, maybe not inside your home, but there's some trips out to the car or whatever to smoke a little doobie or you know, drink a little alcohol here and there. Like, what do you do in those situations? Do you think it's okay to let that stuff into your home? And I'm talking about you specifically, you, or do you like put your foot down and say, hey, look, like this is a clean and sober home, and I don't want that stuff here? And like, how do you even set that up and have that conversation before it's awkward and Uncle Tony shows up with you know a 12 pack of beer?

unknown:

Yeah.

Steven Ginsburg:

I I want to kind of address this on both ends and thank you for that. It's really important. I want to support everyone, especially where our sobriety is concerned, because at the end of the day, that's life and death. So at the end of the day, that's life and death. So I want to support everyone. We never apologize for clear, appropriate, respectful boundaries. We never apologize for clear, respectful, appropriate boundaries, especially because that is how we keep ourselves safe. And at the end of the day, again, this is a fatal disease that I suffer from, that we suffer from. That being said, if you're comfortable, if it doesn't bother you, if it's not going to trigger you, and someone wants to bring something over to the house, and that's where you sit, have at it. Nicole and I choose to have a home. We we've never forbade people, like gone forbade people from if they were coming over for dinner and they were like, gonna bring a bottle of wine. That isn't an element where I've drawn a line. Uh, we choose not to keep alcohol in our house. So if there was anything left over, we would send it home with the people who brought it. Uh, we don't permit or promote or allow any drug use around our home or near where our children will be. So that's completely unacceptable. And if that was occurring appropriately during the course of that evening, I would ask that individual to please excuse themselves without shaming them or demeaning them, but with a from a place of love, I would. Um but we choose, Nicole and I choose not to keep any alcohol in our home. And the people we love and the people who are in our walk, and that gets smaller through the years, which is beautiful. They respect and understand that. And when they don't, they have no problem understanding how things are because we're very clear about communicating again in a respectful, caring, nurturing way, not to shame or degrade people, but to let them know the boundaries of our home. You know, in our house, we serve the Lord, and He tells us to be what? Of sober mind. So people respect those boundaries around the blessing and the sanctity of our home. Love it.

Steve Coughran:

And that's a great way to say it, you know, like no shame, it's just from a place of love. But absolutely respectful boundaries. Love it. This has been a very important topic, very timely topic. So, Steven, thank you so much. And for you listening out there, that you could always access more resources and get in contact us at our website, Restore DetoxCenters.com, or always through email, hello at restore detoxcenters.com.

Steven Ginsburg:

Steve, thank you so much for the time and the topic. It's so imperative. Everyone have a safe and sober holiday season. And please know that this is a very heartfelt moment. If you need something, if you have a question, if you are in peril, reach out to us, contact us. You will hear from us, you will hear from me. We are here with you and for you in all things. We love and appreciate you all so much. God bless.

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Steven T. Ginsburg

Host
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Steve Coughran

Co-host