Addiction Recovery

68: How Do You Know If Someone is Doing Drugs

• Steven T. Ginsburg • Season 1 • Episode 68

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The most painful words a parent ever whispers are often the quietest: “If only.”
This conversation lives in the moment before regret—helping parents and partners recognize meaningful changes in teens and adults and respond with clarity, compassion, and firm boundaries.

We cover the real-world signs that matter: shifts in school performance, sudden isolation, new peer groups, appetite and sleep changes, and quitting activities. We explain how to move from suspicion to certainty with direct, shame-free questions and smart use of urine testing.

You’ll learn how risk hides in plain sight—coded social media messages, discreet vapes, and quiet payment apps—and how to stay vigilant without panic through phone oversight, checking personal spaces, and staying connected to your child’s world.

For adults, we define when “just one drink” becomes unmanageable—missed responsibilities, mood changes, and eroding trust—and how to protect connection while drawing clear lines.

If you want practical, compassionate steps to keep your family safe and sober in a noisy world, this is your guide.

Helpful Links:
Learn more about Restore Detox Centers
Filling the Void book by Steven T. Ginsburg
Overcoming the Fear and Lies of Addiction e-book
How to Love and Set Boundaries Without Enabling Addiction e-book
Call Us for Addiction Recovery:  1-800-982-5530

DISCLAIMER:
Welcome to the Addiction Recovery podcast, brought to you by Restore Detox Centers. We are dedicated to providing valuable and insightful information on addiction recovery. However, it is essential to understand that the content shared in this podcast is intended for educational purposes only. While we strive to ensure the accuracy and reliability of the information presented, we cannot guarantee its completeness or suitability for individual circumstances. The topics discussed in this podcast are based on general knowledge and should not be considered a substitute for professional advice or treatment.

It is important to note that the views and opinions expressed by the podcast hosts, guests, or contributors are their own and may not necessarily reflect the views of Restore Detox Centers. We strongly advise listeners to consult with qualified professionals, such as addiction counselors, therapists, or medical practitioners, before making any decisions or taking any actions based on the information provided in this podcast. Please be aware that listening to this podcast does not establish a client-provider relationship with Restore Detox Centers.

Steven Ginsburg:

An ounce of prevention is always worth a pound of cure, and we've got to protect our loved ones from themselves.

Steve Coughran:

This is the Addiction Recovery Podcast with Steven T. Ginsburg, founder of Restore Detox Centers in Sunny, California. Enjoy your experience. Steven, so great to be back together with you today. I want to ask you from your experience running Restore and working with a ton of individuals across all different walks of life. How do you know if somebody is doing drugs? Or how do you know if somebody has an alcohol problem? And the way I want to break this down is maybe first we can start with teenagers, like kids, and then we can get into adults. And you and I both know like teenagers, they change, you know, back in the day when they were younger. Maybe they like hanging around after dinner, hanging around with the folks on the weekends, being more present. And then, you know, over time, I know like with my daughter, she's not a teenager yet, but I've seen a shift in her behavior. Like she leaves the dinner table, she goes up in her room more, she pulls back. When is it time to be paranoid as a parent or more suspicious of certain behavior changes? And when is it, you know, maybe just like being overly cautious when it comes to getting into somebody's life and figuring out whether there is a problem here with drugs and alcohol?

Steven Ginsburg:

Steve, thank you so much. I'm really glad we are back together. And I'm I'm glad we're on this topic. It's it's truly imperative. I think there's some different realms here. I think when we start to see changes and when we start to notice some differences in what we construct to be the normal routines of our loved ones, friends, family, our children, et cetera, we have to start really acknowledging that we're experiencing what we are from them and start looking deeper into the patterns and habits. If there's a change in scholastic performance, if there's a sudden uh erratic uh move to quit a sports team they've been with, if they have a change in peer group, if they're spending too much time in their bedrooms, if they're having a hard time getting up in the morning, if they're eating a lot, if they're eating too little. I just think we have to be on top of our business. An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Uh, first and foremost, we've got to ask the tough questions in a nurturing way where we are able to come at our children and our loved ones without guns blazing. And secondly, if we have to, we default to using a UA test just to confirm that there isn't something going on beyond what we're observing. I think an ounce of prevention is always worth a pound of cure. And we've got to protect our loved ones from themselves.

Steve Coughran:

Yeah, and we've talked about this multiple times across all our episodes about drug testing our kids. When do you think it's appropriate to start drug testing kids? Number one. And number two, as a parent, should parents be like direct with their kids and just come out straight, like just like flat out and ask them and say, hey, are you using drugs? Are you consuming alcohol? Or can that put like thoughts like and create like unintended consequences by asking, you know, those questions, if that makes sense?

Steven Ginsburg:

I I it does make sense. And I think it's really important to be transparent and to really be bold and courageous, especially with our children. I think the only bad question is one that isn't asked, Steve. And I think we need to be transparent as far as how high the stakes are and how dangerous it is out there if they are participating in these types of behaviors. And if we have a suspicion or if we have an inclination that something's going on, it may well be. And and really the last piece of the puzzle is I think from seventh grade on is a good time to start running UAs with your kids. And let me let me just help parents not have a reaction where they could potentially allow themselves to have a response.

Steve Coughran:

Yeah.

Steven Ginsburg:

You you want to test your children because of the other children in their peer group, because of their contemporaries. It's not a reflection on your child or your children. Getting a pattern of testing going helps them create exemption from peer pressure. So if a friend, quote unquote, comes at them, wants them to try alcohol, wants them to try something like marijuana, wants them to take a pill, because they are always subjected to random and consistent testing, it's an easy out for them to evade peer pressure.

Steve Coughran:

Yeah. And like you said, it's less about you know being that psycho parent or trying to control your kid. It's more to protect the children, is what you're saying, like protecting your child from that peer pressure. I mean, obviously, you you do want to be aware of what's going on in your kids' lives. Always, right?

Steven Ginsburg:

Always. I mean, listen, Braden's 15, Marlia's 13. Still to this day, when we walk through a parking lot, it's not anything for me to grab Marlia's hand. It's not anything for me to put my arm on Braden's shoulder, but they understand what goes on in a parking lot. They know how to keep themselves safe, but I am there to make sure in a helicopter parent manner, observe and make sure our children who are still children are safe. That same analogy holds true in this space and for this conversation. We want to continue to protect these young adults from themselves. We want to continue to bring them up, especially in this world, this watching world, this social media driven world, this absolutely insane world. We want to keep helping them navigate. If we overstep a little bit, if we're a little hovering, if we're a little hyper protective, so be it. There's much worse things than that to be.

Steve Coughran:

Yeah, let me ask you this. This is a little bit more sensitive. You talk with parents who have lost loved ones and lost their kids. And it's like heartbreaking. I know we've had conversations where like, oh my gosh, yeah, this person who's an alum of Restore or who I worked with years ago or whatever it may be, they passed away. And then that's going to be really hard. So when you talk to these parents, do they ever say to you, Steven, I just wish I would have, dot, dot, dot, like fill in the blank. Do you ever get those types of regrets shared with you where it's like, I wish I would have, you know, asked those questions. I wish I would have directed my kids. I wish I would have known who they were hanging out with. Like, share more if you have any experience in this area.

Steven Ginsburg:

I I I do, and it's it's all too common. And I refer to those uh as the if-onlies, if only I had, if only I had. Well, how about this? Let's make sure that we do. Let's make sure that we do. So our feels, you know, our children feel a little slightly suffocated, you know. That's fine. You know, it's worse than them feeling neglected or negated. Uh, and again, we can come at it from a place of love. The more transparent we are with our children, the better. They are remarkably bright, they have tremendous acumen, and they've been exposed to more than we can imagine. Let's have some real conversations. Let's lean in. Because to your point, Steve, the parents who have lost the opportunity to have those moments with their children, if they could go back and no one can, but if they could, they would be more than happy to have those feelings that their children have of being suffocated or or having parents hovering over them, they'd happily have those be present and prevalent rather than have the loss of their children.

Steve Coughran:

What do kids do nowadays to hide drug use and alcohol use? Like I remember a while back reading this article about emojis. And there's like a secret like code with emojis. And I can't remember what the the code is, but I remember like it's just like a very basic emoji on a phone. You're like, oh, that's a cute cat or something. And it's like, no, the cat means cocaine or whatever it is.

Steven Ginsburg:

Right.

Steve Coughran:

Share from your experience anything that that would be helpful to the listener right now. Um, so they're more educated about like the the other side of the equation here.

Steven Ginsburg:

Again, it's a really good talking point, Steve. One of the dangers with social media is it gives our children almost an underground avenue to set up transactional behavior. And to your point, it's Snapchat that has all the emoji action. Uh, it's a way for them to connate where things can be dropped and picked up. Uh, there's different apps they can use for payments. So you want to really be hyper-vigilant on monitoring your children's phones. I mean, they even have apps that'll allow us access internally into our children's phones, and parents should be utilizing those tools. There's so many of them out there. Any number of them will serve parents well. The other thing that parents should look into is there's so many devices that they look like a USB flash drive. They look like an inhaler, they look like a they look like a pen, and they're really used for vaping or for vaping marijuana. So we need to be aware of what is in our children's desk drawers, what's on their desktops, uh, what is in their book bags. Doesn't mean you're frisking and searching your kids constantly and tossing the rooms. It means it becomes more of a normalcy for you to look into what they have, what's around them, what's in drawers, and for you to be on top of your business and understanding the condition they're in and the things that are surrounding your child.

Steve Coughran:

What about physical changes? Like if kids are sleeping more, or perhaps there's something that changes with their face. I don't know, like, do certain drugs make you break out and get all this acne, or are there physical manifestations of drug and alcohol abuse? Like I heard once if somebody's like they're biting their the inside of their cheeks or they're gnashing their teeth, maybe it's like meth. I I don't know. I don't know all the signs. You you know this better than than me, but share from your experience like physical manifestations of drug and alcohol abuse.

Steven Ginsburg:

So again, it's great because you're doing a proper conveyance of the inventory of the things to notice. Look, if there's a massive fluctuation of weight up and of eating, that could allude itself to them, you know, utilizing marijuana and having what they you know categorize as the munchies. By the way, on the same token, if there's a huge weight loss and a total lack of appetite, maybe they'd be using something like Adderall or speed or meth or cocaine. If you do see them having activity with their jaw or grinding their teeth or biting their lip, things of that sort, you know, look into it. Like what is the harm? And if you see what you see and you're noticing things, and these are different behaviors that are having a physical manifestation, it's time to start with your child or your children looking into what symptomatically is going on, asking the hard questions, and then again, ultimately turning you a UA to find out, and we've got to make sure again, I I've said this several times during this podcast, but it's important, we've got to protect the children from themselves.

Steve Coughran:

Yep. Yeah, no, you're absolutely right. And I remember my mom, she'd always say to me, When you come home, Steve, come up in my room and give me a kiss. And I think she wanted me to like give her a kiss because she wanted my face to be that close to her nose so she could smell, you know, like on my breath or like smell on my skin, whether I was like smoking weed, smoking cigarettes, drinking whatever, and just like small little like mechanisms like that that parents can do can also be very effective as well.

Steven Ginsburg:

It's just all part of it. It's about being present in your child's life, it's about asking the tough questions. I'm really happy that you know, where our children are concerned, their friends, we want their friends over at our house. Their friends choose to come over to our house. And I'm glad they're at our house because we are able to support them to actually witness what's going on. Uh, we have we have a house that there's no drugs or alcohol in our house. So to keep them safe, and I think parents need to just be plugged in, be present, be engaged, and be involved in their children's lives.

Steve Coughran:

Okay, what about spouses or partners or adults? Let's let's just break down maybe spouses first. What if you start noticing a change with an adult? Like what would you want to look for? There's some very similar or or yeah.

Steven Ginsburg:

I think there are, yeah. I think there's some similar patterns and habits. I think again, if you see a change in a sleeping pattern or habit, if you see a change in like work attendance or punctuality, what if all of a sudden you notice a great degree of forgetfulness? Or what if a lot of that energy and life force from your spouse suddenly subsides and there's depression or anxiety? Or what if contrarily all of a sudden there's there's mania and manic energy? Again, these are things like if I mean Nicole and I are coming up on 18 years of marriage, if either of us displayed contrary behavior within the realm of what we're used to, we'd both be asking one another appropriate questions. And I would want to support everyone in that with their loved ones.

Steve Coughran:

Well, okay, well, let me ask you this how do you know if somebody has a drinking problem? Because as an adult, you can legally go out and drink, right? As a kid, you know, you come home, you smell like alcohol, there's a big problem. But as an adult, you know, if you're in a relationship with somebody and you know they're at a legal age where they could drink, you know, obviously you have your own choice whether you want to be with this person. But if they're like, look, honey, chill. There's just one drink. I just had a drink with the buddy, you know, with my buddies after work. How do you know, like, like if it's more than that? Because I think I think adults could be like a little more sneaky, right? And they could cover their tracks a little bit better than kids, perhaps. I don't know.

Steven Ginsburg:

I I think to your point, I think there's I think there's more of a of an acceptance level with some of the conduct that we're describing. But I think also when you start, you know, it comes down to a term you and I have discussed quite a bit, and we'll continue to discuss it as we go along this way. When unmanageability starts to rear its head behind these type of behavior patterns, that's what starts to lend itself to the conclusion that there's a problem. Suddenly appointments are missed. Maybe they miss picking up a child they're supposed to at school. Maybe they overlook a date or a commitment you all had. Maybe they're they aren't able to make it home from a restaurant they went to and they had to Uber home or lift home, or you had to pick them up for them to come home, which is, of course, a much better choice. But if that starts to become a regular occurrence, there's potentially a problem there. It still continues to lend itself back to different behavior patterns than we're used to, than we've become accustomed to in our relationship with the person we love. And then it it lends itself to there being unmanageability that is consistently witnessed where the people that we love are concerned.

Steve Coughran:

Yeah, absolutely. No, I mean, this is all great. This is super helpful. And if you have experienced things like this in your life, you want to share them with us, or maybe you have questions for either me or Steven, you can always reach us at hello at restored detoxcenters.com. Also, you could go to the website restored detoxcenters.com. There are a ton of resources there waiting for you. I mean, we're we're so glad that you tune into all these episodes. The biggest gift and the best compliment you can always give us is sharing this episode and sharing this podcast with people that you know, because the more we spread the word, the more lives we're able to reach. Stephen, an absolute pleasure being together with you again today.

Steven Ginsburg:

Steve, thank you so much. Please, we want to hear from you. If you have questions, if you have concerns, we are a phone call or an email away. We love you and appreciate you all. Everyone, have a safe and sober day.

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Steven T. Ginsburg

Host
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Steve Coughran

Co-host