Addiction Recovery

70: Want More Confidence--Listen to This

• Steven T. Ginsburg • Season 1 • Episode 70

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Confidence isn’t built in the mirror—it’s built through consistent action. We kick off the year by rejecting quick fixes and focusing on what actually works: showing up. From first-day nerves at a crowded gym to the uncertainty of early sobriety, we explore how repetition creates confidence that lasts beyond motivation.

Steven shares insights from 21 years of sobriety and thousands of meetings, highlighting the courage it takes to walk into unfamiliar spaces and let structure carry you until confidence catches up. If affirmations fall flat, this conversation offers practical tools—shrinking time to the moment and knowing what to reach for when your mind gets loud.

We also look at the body’s natural healing process and why early clarity can feel uncomfortable. As sleep, nutrition, and routine stabilize the body, repetition builds calm, skill, and identity over time.

If you’re starting fresh or starting again, the message is simple: act first, let confidence follow, and trust consistency to do what motivation can’t.

Helpful Links:
Learn more about Restore Detox Centers
Filling the Void book by Steven T. Ginsburg
Overcoming the Fear and Lies of Addiction e-book
How to Love and Set Boundaries Without Enabling Addiction e-book
Call Us for Addiction Recovery:  1-800-982-5530

DISCLAIMER:
Welcome to the Addiction Recovery podcast, brought to you by Restore Detox Centers. We are dedicated to providing valuable and insightful information on addiction recovery. However, it is essential to understand that the content shared in this podcast is intended for educational purposes only. While we strive to ensure the accuracy and reliability of the information presented, we cannot guarantee its completeness or suitability for individual circumstances. The topics discussed in this podcast are based on general knowledge and should not be considered a substitute for professional advice or treatment.

It is important to note that the views and opinions expressed by the podcast hosts, guests, or contributors are their own and may not necessarily reflect the views of Restore Detox Centers. We strongly advise listeners to consult with qualified professionals, such as addiction counselors, therapists, or medical practitioners, before making any decisions or taking any actions based on the information provided in this podcast. Please be aware that listening to this podcast does not establish a client-provider relationship with Restore Detox Centers.

Steven Ginsburg:

Just sit within the day. We can't look at the rest of your life. We can't look at what happened. We've got to look at what's happening.

Speaker 1:

This is the Addiction Recovery Podcast with Steven T. Ginsburg, founder of Restore Detox Centers in Sunny, California. Enjoy your experience.

Steve Coughran:

Steven, it's so great to be back with you at the beginning of this year. And what's interesting is the other day I went to the gym and there are so many people in the gym. It's like the new resolution people, which is great. Like I'm proud of people that have goals and they get out there and they do something about it. But I'm also, I want to talk to you about this concerning trend. And the concerning trend has to do with confidence. And I think there's so many people out there that are well-intentioned, but they flood the internet, they flood social media with this idea that confidence comes from looking into the mirror and saying, I'm beautiful, I'm brave, I'm courageous. And they think that's where confidence comes from. But you and I talk about this all the time. I believe, this is Steve's opinion. I want to hear yours, that confidence comes from action, from doing, from working the program, working the steps, doing the hobby, writing that letter, writing the book, whatever it is, but it comes through action, not necessarily solely through affirmation. What are your thoughts on that?

Steven Ginsburg:

Yeah, Steve, thank you so much. Really, really apropos and a great topic, especially in the height of resolution season, which we are in happy and healthy near to you and to everyone, brother. You know, I just agree with the assertion. You know, there's a saying in the rooms that is good. You can't save your blank, and I'm trying to spare foul language, and your face at the same time. It is about saving yourself through that footwork and through the deliverables and the measurables. And there can't be any false premise or any pride involved or worry about facade. It's got to be about the actual nitty-gritty, the diligent, intentional footwork. And by delivering the goods again and again, it is it's the step work, it's the footwork, it's the spiritual work, it's the prayer work. It's about the simple act, like the obedience and the discipline of making sure that you are able to hit a meeting a day where you can have confidence is this. Millions of people globally have been participating in that realm of the solution. And they've had ongoing sobriety and a daily remission or reprieve that is earned through faith. But faith without works, as you and I both know, is dead.

Steve Coughran:

Yeah, exactly. And we've talked about like working out, you know, tying it back to what I said at the beginning with like working out in New Year's resolutions. If I said to you, okay, Steven, you have to go to this brand new gym, okay? You've never stepped foot in it. There's gonna be people staring at you when you walk in the door, they're gonna be watching you when you work out. You would probably go in there with a pretty high degree of confidence because you know how to work out, you know how to use the machines, you're not gonna look like some idiot, right? But what it makes me think of is anytime that we do something that's new we're not used to, that we haven't done hundreds or thousands of times, that's where we can start losing our confidence. And I just want to talk about this very important topic because look, at the very beginning of doing anything, you're gonna suck, right? And so I was thinking about this year. I was like, I was telling my wife, because she plays the piano, she's starting to play the piano more. And I said, I'm not musically inclined. And in fact, I got a guitar years ago for my birthday, and it's like I'm terrible at the guitar. But then if you ask me a follow-up question, well, how many hours have you spent playing the guitar? I'd say like 30 hours. And it's like, well, of course you're gonna suck. You know, you've only spent 30 hours doing the guitar. And so I think like with anything in life, whether we're talking about sobriety, whether we're talking about sports, whether we're talking about doing a new job or whatever it is, like any new reality for us, we're probably gonna be terrible at it first. And hopefully this gives people encouragement or just a different mindset because I think it could be so easy to fall into discouragement and frustration when we try something new, when our realities change, when we get out of a detox center and we have to start living this new sober life that we're not used to. Like, of course, it's gonna be terrible, it's gonna be uncomfortable, and we're not gonna be good at it. But confidence comes from doing, like working, right?

Steven Ginsburg:

A thousand percent. You've gotta have that willingness to insert yourself and to be bold. And for all of us, even for myself, if I'm out of state and I'm going to a meeting that I've never been to, and I like going to out of state meetings and I like going to meetings that I've never been to. And that's why they uh they often ask at meetings are there any out-of-town visitors? And you put your hand up, it lets people know hey, I'm new to the equation here, I'm new here, but I know what's going on here. But I want everyone to understand like this isn't my normal area. We we've got to pursue things in our life with that same degree of willingness. It's gonna be uncomfortable for a moment, and then we assimilate and become a part of, and we can't allow that doubt or that trepidation to keep us from participating in the solution. Totally. And I mean, how many years have you been sober now? By God's grace and mercy in the fellowship of AA over 21 years, brother.

Steve Coughran:

And over those 21 years, I mean, essentially you've attended a meeting almost every day, if not every day, right? Almost every day, if not every day, yes, sir. Yeah, so I mean, how many meetings is that? I mean, I gotta pull out my calculator and do this, right? 21 times 365. That's 7,600 meetings that you've attended, right? So if you look at that number, it's like that's where confidence comes from. And when you are on this podcast or when you're running your facility or you're running group, and you can look into somebody's eyes and you say, work the program, program, do the steps. You can say that with confidence because you've been to 7,000. Absolutely, right? Yep. So I think like it could be really intimidating, I'm sure, for somebody that gets clean that has this new sober life, right? And it's like they're coming out of it, they've never even been to a meeting before. And it's like, wow, can I do this?

Steven Ginsburg:

They might come out. That's a really good point. Even right now at restore, there's people in the community who are a week or about nine and 10 days in. And one of the things I say to them, and you've been at the table for groups, Steve, is like, hey, kind of let this all wash over you, just immerse yourself. The lingo and the terminology and the movement of it and the method of it, it's gonna start to become familiar. But in the beginning, it's gonna sound a little bit like some code, but it's not that. It's just it's a new normal for you for this moment. And you just allow that to become part of the fabric of who you are. And it is through repetition, just like any great sports team, they run plays again and again and again to the point where they're like, Coach, we cannot run this play again. And that's when you run it even more because it becomes that neurological and physiological muscle memory. That's the critical component.

Steve Coughran:

Yeah. And so let's talk about the reverse of this. Because let's say you spent the last 21 years drinking every day or smoking weed every day. You know, that's 7,000 times over 7,000 times you got high or got drunk. How do you help people to take that step? Because, like going in, changing your lifestyle and becoming sober, that's got to be like a massive disruption from the other side of things, right? Like you've done it 7,000 times. That's that's your life, that's what you've known. And now all of a sudden it's like you got to take one day at a time, right? And you're you're fighting this 7,000-day uphill journey one day at a time. Talk to me a little bit about that. And how do you like keep people encouraged to just like keep going?

Steven Ginsburg:

It's a really interesting factor that you bring up. You know, your normal state becomes being impaired. So when suddenly you're reintroducing clarity for the first time to yourself, you have to be prepared for what that brings with it. There's a lot of exaggerations of emotions, there's a lot of exaggerations of responses, there's a physical manifestation. Uh, sometimes there's acute or sub-acute detox, and you just let people know as much as you can what's coming. Like, hey, what is perceived as quote unquote normal is going to feel abnormal for you because you've been altered for such a long time. But then what's amazing, brother, is when they start to blossom, when they start to embrace that gift of clarity and the lights start to come on and you see the physiological. I always find the physiological healing starts to come first. The body's getting some good sleep, it's getting hydration, they're having REM sleep finely because there's a difference between sleeping and passing out. And they're starting to get some food in, they're starting to get some sunlight, they're starting to get out into the fresh air. And then neurologically, it quickly follows, and you start to see the whole human being come back. It really is a beautiful part of the process. And they are so enamored with it, it's almost like that childlike faith. You see that illustrated in the people who are getting sober again.

Steve Coughran:

Yeah, I love that. And I could, I could totally see that, visualize that. Let me ask you this like I know you work the steps, you work the program, and you never let your guard down, even after 21 years. Do you think it was much harder at the beginning to stay sober? Like just to get through each day, was it harder and it gets easier over time, you know, after 21 years? Like I said, you're not taking your foot off the gas, right? And you're letting your guard down. But do you think it gets easier day by day? Or do you think it's just always there, always in your face, always this temptation?

Steven Ginsburg:

It's a really good question. I think what's important for me, especially because I am a product of relapse and no one needs to be a product of relapse is the realization that I don't have the ability to afford any level of complacency. And so if I'm not going to have the ability to afford any level of complacency, I can't allow any to exist. Like there's no laurels to rest on. So what became part of the fabric of my being this time around is to understand that, you know, that's where the one day at a time, Steve, becomes very comforting. And if, and I think I try to do my best where I'm equipped to instill in people, just sit within the day. We can't look at the rest of your life. We can't look at what happened. We've got to look at what's happening day at a time. Okay, the day's too much for me. I'm overwhelmed. Okay, let's go an hour at a time. Okay, the hour feels too big for me. Let's literally right now go moment by moment. I think, first of all, getting yourself into a rhythm of living like that makes it so that any day can be manageable. And then what you're doing is you're utilizing the tools that you learn about, that you work with, that you are amidst. You're utilizing those tools within each day, depending on what comes up. I'm calling my sponsor, I'm going to prayer time, I'm going to a meeting, I'm reading on this step, I'm reading in the book, I'm going to group. And then that cumulatively stretches together a number of days, and you have your routine, you have your pattern and you have your path.

Steve Coughran:

Yeah, exactly. And I think like teaching this to the younger generation, you have two young kids, I have two young kids, you know, teaching them this idea of resilience and teaching them this just like stick to this, right? Like stick to it, do the work, whatever it is. Like your son plays baseball, right? And I'm sure the first time he swung a bat, he probably was terrible. He probably missed the ball. It's probably the first year he was wasn't good at all. But now look at him after all these years and times that he showed up to practice in games, etc. So I think like the same thing is true. Like I said, whether it's with sobriety or whether it's with anything else in life, it's just confidence comes from doing. And when we do it, we become confident because we realize look, I could do this. And so you can't just write on a sticky note that you're beautiful and brave and courageous and not take any action and have confidence. Maybe that'll work for some people, but for me, I know that it requires doing and taking action. And then when I do that, it builds self-esteem, it builds confidence, and then it gives me the power to move on. Absolutely.

Steven Ginsburg:

It is truly through, again, we're we're we're we're recanting the point, but I think that's excellent. Uh, it comes through repetition, it becomes, you know, you and I both know a lot about muscle memory. It comes through muscle memory, and then it becomes very abnormal to not be in that realm and that pattern. Uh, it would feel very abnormal for me to have a day where I didn't participate in sobriety. It would feel dramatically abnormal. And it would also be very evident to the people who love me and who are closest to me. That's where the restless, irritable, and discontent comes in. So we we invite people to continue to participate on that daily basis for the factors that are giving us that remission and reprieve because that brings comfort, that brings serenity, and that allows for peace. That keeps the disease from working its way in.

Steve Coughran:

Yeah, I absolutely agree. We have great resources for you at restoredcenters.com. You can always send us an email. We love to hear from you. Hello at restore detoxcenters.com is the best way to get in touch with us. Stephen, what a great way to kick off the year. It's always great being together with you on this podcast, brother.

Steven Ginsburg:

Steve, thank you for addressing a foundational element of this, which is consistency and confidence. They lend themselves to one another. Uh, we love you out there. We are for you. Everyone, have a safe and sober day.

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Steven T. Ginsburg

Host
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Steve Coughran

Co-host