71: It Takes a Village-Why Recovery Fails Without the Right Support

The most dangerous part of rescuing someone from addiction isn’t the visible chaos—it’s the unseen pull. We explain why boundaries save lives, how unsupportive relationships can quietly undermine sobriety, and how a real village helps people cross into healing. No clichés—just practical steps that protect progress and lower relapse risk.

We break down how community-based recovery actually works: daily check-ins, alumni who return as proof, and group spaces where shared stories reduce shame. When family support is fractured, we outline clear, safety-first boundaries—and why ending a relationship can sometimes be the healthiest choice. Addiction thrives on isolation, so we lower the barrier to entry: visit, sit in on a group, meet the team. If you’ve felt alone or unsure whether “support” is helping or hurting, this conversation offers clarity, tools, and a path forward.

Helpful Links:
Learn more about Restore Detox Centers
Filling the Void book by Steven T. Ginsburg
Overcoming the Fear and Lies of Addiction e-book
How to Love and Set Boundaries Without Enabling Addiction e-book
Call Us for Addiction Recovery:  1-800-982-5530

DISCLAIMER:
Welcome to the Addiction Recovery podcast, brought to you by Restore Detox Centers. We are dedicated to providing valuable and insightful information on addiction recovery. However, it is essential to understand that the content shared in this podcast is intended for educational purposes only. While we strive to ensure the accuracy and reliability of the information presented, we cannot guarantee its completeness or suitability for individual circumstances. The topics discussed in this podcast are based on general knowledge and should not be considered a substitute for professional advice or treatment.

It is important to note that the views and opinions expressed by the podcast hosts, guests, or contributors are their own and may not necessarily reflect the views of Restore Detox Centers. We strongly advise listeners to consult with qualified professionals, such as addiction counselors, therapists, or medical practitioners, before making any decisions or taking any actions based on the information provided in this podcast. Please be aware that listening to this podcast does not establish a client-provider relationship with Restore Detox Centers.

Transcript

The Danger Of Unsupportive Rescue

Steven Ginsburg 0:00

You know, one of the most dangerous people in the world is a drowning man or woman. The very person who tries to rescue them can't be pulled down with them.

Why Recovery Needs A Village

Steve Coughran 0:08

This is the Addiction Recovery Podcast with Steven T. Ginsburg, founder of Restore Detox Centers in Sunny California. Enjoy your experience. Steven, earlier today, when we were talking, you mentioned all hands on deck at Restore. And oftentimes you refer to the phrase, it takes a village. So I want you to expand on that because I'm curious what you mean when you say that type of thing.

Steven Ginsburg 0:38

Steve, thank you. And I always appreciate you pivoting and being open to things that are in real time happening at Restore and with the community who come alongside. And it really is relevant to the fact that it takes every single person that's involved in the individual who we're blessed and honored to be called upon to help. It takes all of them to help us get to that place where we can start to have some effective results. And just to go a little bit further with this, you know, whether it's their parents or their spouse or siblings or their adult children, we need information, we need communication, we need to understand some of the unknowns that are going to come to light on that succession where you look at came, came to, came to believe. We start to instill that hope and make traction against this horrible disease as we get more information. And then it takes the team like myself, like Darla, like the team members at Restore, we've got to rally around the information we get. But slowly but surely in that discovery and recovery, we start to understand who we're helping and how we can help them.

Steve Coughran 1:46

Well, you just brought up something that's really interesting. What if like a spouse or a partner, a girlfriend, boyfriend, sibling, roommate, whatever you want to consider here? What if they're not supportive with somebody getting help for a variety of reasons? Maybe it's their insecurities, or maybe they're into drugs and alcohol as well. So they know, like, if this person gets sober, what does it mean for them? They're going to lose their drinking buddy or drugging buddy. How do you deal with a situation like that when the other side isn't supportive of the person getting help? And if somebody is in that situation, are they at like a higher risk of relapsing?

Boundaries And Changing Harmful Dynamics

Steven Ginsburg 2:27

Great talking point, Steve. It's a great question. So, yes, if there's not if there's not unilateral and universal support from family members, one of the things we would we would strongly suggest and recommend is very, very strong inherent boundaries. And and there are times where we respectfully suggest that there that an entire dynamic might need to change where that relationship is has occurred or is occurring. Because sometimes we cannot continue to stay in a dynamic or relationship where recovery is not supported because it can be fatal. So that's what's at stake. I will always do my best. I always use the term making it small. I will always do my best to make it small for the community member we're treating with the family member in question or the person in question by making inroads, by having conversations, by conveying realities. But if there is just literally no support for that path of recovery, that's where we'll start to suggest boundaries or changing the relationship entirely.

Steve Coughran 3:33

I mean that that sounds like a a big ask. I mean, what do you do? You divorce them, you leave them? I mean I mean that's crazy, right?

Steven Ginsburg 3:48

I agree. So I don't think we start with divorce or leave them, but I think we start with understanding like, hey, this is life and death. And if for some, I mean it's so it's unfathomable. So imagine a spouse who won't support someone who's ill finding a pathway to remission for what ails them. But if that really is the case and they cannot acquiesce, then I would have actually suggests the you know dissolution of the relationship. Absolutely.

Haters, Crabs, And High Stakes

Steve Coughran 4:20

Sure. I mean, because you and I both know that I mean a true friend or somebody who really loves somebody else would never want something that's dangerous or harmful for somebody else. But isn't it interesting in life that you know it's like the haters will always hate? And the winners always get the hate email comments, whatever it is, from haters. Winners get it from haters, right? It's never the winners who are out there being successful who are getting a bunch of flack from other winners. It's always the haters. And it's kind of like the analogy of you know, crabs in a in a pot and they're the water's boiling, right? And they're grabbing each other and they're pulling them back in the pot until they all boil, right? Do you see that?

Steven Ginsburg 5:05

It's absolutely irrelevant in apropos. One of the things that I do talking points on is, you know, both by the way, also let's flip it for a moment for the family members in question as well, so that they have healthy boundaries and so that they can keep themselves safe and they can also continue to take care of themselves. You know, one of the most dangerous people in the world is a drowning man or woman. The very person who tries to rescue them can be pulled down with them. So it goes both ways, but we've got to have, you know, that's where the conversations have got to be really clear and transparent. That's where we've got to be really bold in delivering the news about how high the stakes are. And none of this is bad news, it's good news. We need to know what we're dealing with, who we're dealing with, and how they're gonna respond so that we can truly help the people and the families, the people we're coming alongside at restore.

Protecting Families With Clear Lines

Steve Coughran 6:02

Okay, so let me let's let's switch gears here and talk about the second piece of what you mentioned at the beginning, which is the village, right? At restore. I mean, it's not like Steven Ginsburg as great as you are and as experienced as you are. You can't do this alone. And even like us mortal beings, we both know that like it's not us, it's God, it's a higher power that's that's creating the change within us. But here, like coming back down to earth, we are human beings that are trying to like elevate people's lives and heal people and and you know just bring remission, right? To people. So at restore, what does that look like? I know you have an amazing staff, an amazing team. When you say it takes a village, what are you referring to exactly?

What The Village Looks Like At Restore

Daily Team Rhythms And Alumni Power

Steven Ginsburg 6:48

Part of the village is right now in real time. The work you and I are doing on these podcasts is planting seeds and helping people and could eventually lead people to sobriety or restore. So that's part of the village. So I'd be remiss in not mentioning that because it's it's a reality, it's true. So thank you for your part, by the way. Another part of it which involves you, which is an extension of it, is when people come up. You've come up many, many times, which I love, and I I quite frankly, I wish you lived up here. I'd have you up at group all the time. I love it when you come to group because you bring your experience strength at home as a human being who lives a functional, like beautiful life, and you bring that hope and that support to the community at restore. So that's part of the village. And then when we go a step further and you look at the community that become alumni, alumni come up to restore, then come back to group, and then they have been in those chairs, they have been in those beds, and then they support the community we're treating, and they show them, hey, by us following the process that's been laid out, the age-old process at Alcoholics Anonymous and at restore as a path to recovery, as a path to life healing, and affirming choices that are life healing. We are living testimony that it works. So that's part of the village. And then you start to break it down to the team and the facilitators. You know, Darla and I, five days a week, have a call every morning. That check-in call is it isn't anything major, but it helps us understand what's going on with the people that that are in community that we're helping, what's going on at the house, what needs to be addressed on this day. Darla and I did that this morning. And then there's things we can convey to the team that are there. And you know this, Steve. Every team member at our store, and two of the team members are alumni, they're all clean and sober, they all work a program. So that encompasses so much of what I'm describing and prescribing as it takes a village. And and you are so right. And it took me the last two years is where I started to live it. I always understood it. I I very often was guilty of thinking I needed to do it all on my own, and I was failing people and failing the facility like that. And thank goodness for my wife, Nicole. She's like, if you'd let more people help you, if you would trust more, delegate more, and understand that you need everyone, you'd have that much more to offer. And I am busy listening to my wife, she's a gift. So I was able to make my best better through steps like that, and that's what it really encompasses what we're talking about right now.

Steve Coughran 9:19

Well, and everybody has different strengths and abilities, and some people are more relatable than others with different stories. Like, that's what I love about group is when you have a room full of people up at the restore house, and one person shares their story about perhaps not growing up without a dad. To me, I'm like, I didn't grow up with a dad. So like I can relate to that person better. And I think that's how a lot of healing comes and a lot of understanding comes when you realize you're not the only one out there struggling with these things. And I think that's why those calls that you're adamant about, where you're like, okay, hop on the AA call every single day. They're all around the world. It's like the more we put ourselves out there in a bigger community, the more we realize we're not alone, we're not weirdos, we're not like this one-off case, right? We're all struggling, and when we can struggle together, there's like a lot of power in that.

Steven Ginsburg 10:11

Amen. Yeah, this is a we thing, Steve. I'm glad you brought that up. This is a we thing. This isn't an I thing. This isn't a me thing. This is a we thing. We do this together, we heal together, we recover together.

Steve Coughran 10:22

Yeah, and so what if somebody's thinking about this? Like, dang, I just uh I get so uncomfortable in new situations, and there's new people, and you know, like going into a new setting like restore, going up to the house or getting a help, that may be scary, right?

Group Strengths And Shared Stories

Steven Ginsburg 10:38

It is scary. I think it's scarier to die of the hands of addiction and alcoholism. I think that's a much more frightening reality. And I think very often the disease will try to keep us from the solution and keep us from the healing and the hope. And so I think the disease will lean in and see where it's it's an opportunistic infection. You hear me say that a lot. It's a parasitic opportunistic infection. That's what addiction and alcoholism is. So it's like, okay, I've got a great in with this person, they've got social stuff, they don't like new situations, they don't like a lot of people, they don't like new people. I'm gonna lean in on that and keep them from crossing that threshold. You know, no one needs to allow that to happen. One of the things I believe in, if someone's considering coming and getting help at Restore, I'll tell them very often, hey, why don't you come up and just see the house? Why don't you come up and sit in a group? Why don't you come up so I can meet you? And and they often will be like, I can do that. And it's like, of course you can do that, because this doesn't have to be foreign to anyone. It's a warm, nurturing environment that's welcoming and inviting, and that's where we take those boundaries and those obstacles away.

Contact Info And Closing Support

Facing Fear And Crossing The Threshold

Steve Coughran 11:36

Yeah, I love that. So you can always get in touch with us by sending an email at hello at restore detoxcenters.com. But you could also find information on the website, whether you're in California or anywhere across the world. We have resources available to you at the website Restored Detox Centers.com. We'd love to hear from you. We love to hear uh your story, any questions you have, any thoughts you have. Uh, we just love to hear from you, frankly. So, Steven, great doing another episode with you.

Steven Ginsburg 12:06

Steve, thank you so much. Thank you for as always being inclusive and that it opens the doors for more and more people to heal. We love you if you're out there. We are for you. Everyone have a safe and sober day.