74: How to Talk to Teens About Drugs and Alcohol Without Pushing Them Away

A father’s tears on his son’s sixteenth birthday spark an honest conversation about raising teens in a culture that normalizes substance use. We talk about gratitude, sobriety, and how a faith-centered home shows up in daily conversations, boundaries, and support.

We break down what transparency with kids really looks like—sharing family history, explaining genetic risk, and giving teens simple, confident scripts for peer pressure. We also tackle one of the hardest moments parents face: what to say when a teen or their friend admits to daily marijuana use, modeling curiosity and care instead of shame.

With empathy and firm boundaries—clear consequences, accountability, and brain science to back it up—we offer a hopeful roadmap for building a sober-friendly family culture rooted in honesty, love, and open doors.

Helpful Links:
Learn more about Restore Detox Centers
Filling the Void book by Steven T. Ginsburg
Overcoming the Fear and Lies of Addiction e-book
How to Love and Set Boundaries Without Enabling Addiction e-book
Call Us for Addiction Recovery:  1-800-982-5530

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Transcript

A Father’s Gratitude And Sobriety

Steven Ginsburg 0:00

Where are these areas where I can find fulfillment, not from a foreign substance, not from something outside, but from something above and something internal?

Steve Coughran 0:09

This is the Addiction Recovery Podcast with Steven T. Ginsburg, founder of Restore Detox Centers in Sunny California. Enjoy your experience. Steven, it's great to be together again for another episode. Today is your son's birthday. How old's your son cry?

Steven Ginsburg 0:29

Oh my goodness. Our making cry. Our son, our oldest, is 16 years old today.

Steve Coughran 0:39

Why, why the emotion? Why are you getting emotional there? Good job, buddy. Great way to start the start the episode.

Steven Ginsburg 0:46

Here's Steven Ginsburg for you to listen to him cry, folks. But it's very, it's very real and it's a very accurate response. Listen, that that child is the love and light in my life. And I'm so grateful that he has always um had a sober father. And I've been able to raise him. And I knew our firstborn was going to be a boy. And I knew the things that I wanted most in my life. I'd be able to provide. And I'm not talking material things, just to be able to really be that safe harbor for our children, for Braden, for Marlia, to have a son and have him be supported and propelled ahead in his endeavors, in his life, and his walk, for him to know the Lord. And, you know, I have been sober Braden's entire life, praise God. I have been sober Marlia's entire life, praise God. And I have been sober for Nicole, my wife, the mother of our children. I've been sober for our entire relationship and our entire marriage. And it's by God's grace and mercy. So, you know, pure gratitude on my part. And the listening audience should know, you know, I'll quote Britain, Dad, you just cry a lot. And I do. He's got a crying, Dad. But they are tears of gratitude is the Holy Spirit. And what a joy and beauty to see this healthy, vital, remarkable young man. It is because I am clean and sober. It is because I am a Christ follower. And it's because we have a home that is built on that foundation. So I'm just very, very grateful today.

Faith As The Family Foundation

Steve Coughran 2:10

Well, and and I could tell you by being in your home and tell the listeners out there like you have this amazing son because you're an amazing father. And like I mean, I I think he's such an incredible boy. And I think uh it's great to see him turn into a man, you know, slowly by surely, turning into a man every year. But um, what a blessing it is to have him and to have a father like you. So as we talk about, you know, this special day, this birthday, it also begs the question of soon he's gonna be driving more. Yep. And soon he's gonna be curious about other things, girls and other things out there, right? That all 16-year-olds get curious about. Yep. What kind of things, as a father who runs a detox center and who's been an addict, what kind of things are front and center in your mind that others can really understand as well as their kids go through these teenage years?

Steven Ginsburg 3:11

You know, thank you. Transparency is the number one thing. I mean, first of all, like the foundation's all built on Christ. It's Christ before anything for our family, for our home. But then beyond that, for the children, from the time where they could start to understand, they've understood. Look, daddy is an addict and alcoholic, and

Talking To Teens About Genes And Risk

Steven Ginsburg 3:30

what that means is like he's allergic to mind-altering substances and he abstains. There is a greater propensity for them to suffer from this very same thing because of what I genetically passed along to them. And then there are laws of this land that are here to be to be followed. And yes, there's a peer group that may be out there experimenting. Yes, there are things that may be offered. Their job and their walk and their way is to understand that the law of the land is we legally drink when we're 21, that there's no acceptable experimentation with any sort of foreign substance or drug, that it's dangerous, and to understand the propensity that they have genetically and that disposition, and understand what my journey through sobriety has been like and the aftermath of that. And then understand how simply it started. When I was 15, that's the first time I use and drink. By the time I was 19, I was in inpatient treatment. They're very aware of that entire journey. Both children have read my book, both children have been to group, both children have been to AA meetings with me. And I love that they have that information. It's not information to shield them from, it's information to immerse them amongst.

Steve Coughran 4:41

Yeah. Well said. Do you think because you deal with a lot of people with restore and just the the overall community? Is there any like correlation here? Parents who were alcoholics or they were drug addicts themselves, and you said you know how you could pass down some genes and whatnot. Yep. And so there's more of a propensity to to drink or to use, but also do you see the opposite to be true where he grew up with a dad who went through all this and who's sober now? Do you think he's less inclined to drink? Because he's like, dang, I do. Like I saw what my dad went through, and then it almost like skips a generation. Does that make sense, my question?

Steven Ginsburg 5:24

I think that it that it there can be setups that are great setups instead of negative setups, where as he started to understand, like, what who is my father? Like, okay, I know who my heavenly father is. Who's my father? Like, what's his deal? What has his journey been? And as he started to get really good information and thorough information and uh honest information, he started to understand, like, hey, because I made poor choices when I was your age, and because I have this allergy to mind-altering substances, you have an opportunity

Openness Over Secrecy At Home

Steven Ginsburg 6:00

to not repeat those same poor choices. And he's had lots of exposure to it, and he should, and we've had lots of conversations about it, and we do, and we should, and there will be more. And I'll give you one living example. Not too, too long ago, one of his teammates, and this is no judgment on the teammate, the teammates A-OK in my book was like, Hey, Ginsburg, which I love that they call him that. You think you'll ever like drink while you're in high school or before you turn 21? And Braden's response to me, which was perfect, dude. Do you know what my dad does for a living? Do you know what my dad's been through? There's no chance that I will be drinking anytime before my 21st birthday. And I loved his response. And he said his teammate was cracking up, and his teammates know me, and his friends and Marlia's friends, they know my history, they know my story. Uh, many of them have copies of my book, which is great. And we're very open about it. And we don't keep alcohol in our home. And we want the children over at our house because our house is a safe house where we can talk, where we can pray, and where there's no drugs and alcohol. And I love that my children, that our children have that level of awareness. And I want to really encourage every parent, any parent, recovery or not recovery, drinking or not drinking, have those conversations. Be transparent, be thorough, be bold, protect your children from whom? From themselves a day at a time. And it's such a huge part of this journey.

Steve Coughran 7:31

Okay. I have to ask you this question about transparency. Because you know me, I could be very direct, and sometimes I catch people off guard with my questions because I just think people are afraid to ask these questions. So, you know, once I was having this conversation with a family member, and I asked them, or I asked the person that they're dating, I said, So how often do you smoke weed? And I asked it in in that form, is kind of sure as presupposing some things, but my hunch was pretty correct. And their face was like, What the heck?

A Teammate’s Question And A Firm No

Steve Coughran 8:10

You know, I cannot believe you're asking this. But then they opened up and said, Well, I smoke weed every day, and then I didn't know what to say after that because uh was it time for me to start preaching and you know, or say these are all the reasons why smoking weed is bad. So I just said, Look, sure, I used to smoke weed every day too, but it didn't make me happy, and it doesn't bring me joy, like it didn't bring me joy. All it did was it it put me in a darker place, and then I I asked, I turned the question on them. I said, Are you happy? Like, do you find joy in it? And they're like, Well, actually, no, I don't. Yeah, and so I'm curious, like, what kind of response would you have if Braden brought home a girlfriend and you had the same type of question, and then they responded in the affirmative and said, Yeah, I do smoke weed every day. How would like how would you respond to that? You're the professional.

Steven Ginsburg 9:06

I guess so. Uh, it's always funny when I hear those terms, but okay, I'll accept that. You know, first first and foremost, I would support them and affirm them in their transparency. Yeah, like the truth is the most fun and it's the easiest thing to remember. So I would commend them for being honest. Secondly, I would also, I'm not into ultimatums because look, people are gonna shut down. Start telling people what to do, they're gonna do the opposite. I'd be like, hey, I would really support you, would be my verbiage. I would really support you in just stepping back and taking a look at where are there potentially, like this is all language that keeps people from getting defensive and keeps people from shutting down. Where would potentially there be areas of opportunity where if you weren't participating like that, with a substance like that, where you could find more joy, where you could find more peace, where you could find more serenity, where you could find more fulfillment. Because I don't think you're smoking weed because you're all filled up and overflowing. I don't think you're smoking weed because you're content. I think there's something you you feel, and it doesn't mean you are. I think it's something that you feel you're lacking, and I would support you in really putting on your best detective hat and being like, where are these areas where I can find fulfillment?

How To Ask About Daily Weed Use

Steven Ginsburg 10:20

Not from a foreign substance, not from something outside, but from something above and something internal. And I think when I and when we come at it like that, people feel like we are coming alongside them, not coming up and putting their arms behind their back behind them, not headlocking them, but supporting them, loving them, not shaming them, not disparaging them. And then there is a possibility for those next steps for there to be some enlightenment, or there's some be some solutions that can be offered.

Steve Coughran 10:48

Totally. And I like that. I think that's well said because you're right. If you immediately shut them down, they're not gonna respond to you. I mean, you could kiss transparency goodbye because it's never gonna come up again. What if it is your actual son or daughter who answered? Wow, yeah. I mean, because like you want it to be transparent. What if you just said to him, Hey Braden, you know, like, are you smoking weed and you you know that he's gonna say no? And then he says, actually, Dad, yeah, but I smoke weed every day. What like what would he say to that?

Steven Ginsburg 11:18

I would I would be devastated. I would be devastated, of course. Um, I'd be disappointed, of course, but my objective would not be to convey devastation or disappointment. My objective would be to have that same sort of conversation, and I might take a minute and take a break and take a break for a prayer and take a break to step away and gather myself, or I might, I might make sure that I am in a place to respond rather than react, because those are very different elements. And once I do my little, you know, personal inventory in real time, I would then go about the business of discussing this with my son or my daughter and supporting them, coming alongside them, finding out what's going on and how I can help.

Steve Coughran 12:01

Wait, would you would you take his car keys? Would you ground them, take his phone away, or like would you have a different approach to try to call it?

Steven Ginsburg 12:08

Well, like, are we talking like in real time now when they're under the age of 18 or after? No, that's yeah. Oh, we pull everything. Yeah, everything gone. No car keys, no phone, no nothing. Well, like it's interesting.

Steve Coughran 12:23

Like, let me let me say this because I was listening to this podcast this this morning, and it was talking about a temporary change in behavior versus a long-term change of behavior. And I think there's some good points. Some of it may be a little idealistic, but I don't know what your thoughts are. It's like, okay, so say say this is like Braden, or say this is like my daughter or something, right? Right and we take their phone away. Like, I know if I took my daughter's phone away, it'd be like devastating. I mean, it would be like child abuse in her eyes. Um, like, how am I gonna live without my phone, Dad? I mean, it'd be crazy. So let's say I did that, and she's like, Okay, I'm gonna

Responding With Support Not Shame

Steve Coughran 13:00

quit smoking weed. And that can correct behavior, and say she say she doesn't smoke weed until she's 18. Right. But then once they're out of the house, how do you make a permanent change in behavior versus just a temporary change in behavior or temporary change in behavior that then leads to sneaking? Because then it's like, oh my gosh, last time my dad found out he was devastated, he's depressed. I hated like hurting my dad so bad. Now I'm just gonna sneak it, which would be even worse, right? I don't know. Like, what's your experience?

Steven Ginsburg 13:33

You're you're heading off in a bunch of areas, and I'll all have, you know, I have good answers and good solutions for first off, you know, if there's devastation behind the consequences, that's a good consequence.

Steve Coughran 13:46

Yeah.

Steven Ginsburg 13:46

Um, you've made impact. Secondly, that's where testing comes into place. And even for our children, where we have them test, not because of them, because of the other kids. So they've got an easy out if it's offered to them. And then if there is a transgression and the children have admitted it and you've found out, or they've tested positive, you want to keep testing because the testing is going to keep the alignment of them abstaining. And let's not forget the X factor. Under the age of 25, or even maybe as much as 26 or 27 years old, the neurological development is not fully intact. It's not fully in place. We've got to allow these young people to develop physiologically and neurologically, emotionally and spiritually. Those types of substances arrest that development, literally. So we've got a responsibility again to protect them from whom? And protect them from others. That's where the testing is so helpful. So there doesn't have to be sneaking around. There isn't gonna be it, what it what it becomes is a response where we're like, hey, listen, my dad was testing me for a long time. He stopped testing me. I had a transgression. He started testing me again, real regularly. So despite the fact that you're offering me a hit of this joint or a drink of that alcohol, dad's been testing me weekly. He's gonna be probably adding them until I go on my way. And so my answer is no to everything. And then you're giving them some ground to start to develop. And then our job is to lean in. Like it can't be shaming, it can't be belittling, it can't be like, you know, you were so far off track, you forced me

When It’s Your Own Child

Steven Ginsburg 15:20

into doing this. Like we've got to encourage them and help them grow and blossom and bloom where they're planted and realize the solution is in clarity. The solution and the their ability to live their best life and be their best selves. It's not through substance use and abuse and experimentation, it is through ongoing abstinence. And for the naysayers out there, like, that's not realistic. You don't understand what these kids are doing. You know what? So excuse my language. I'm gonna use some rare language in our world. Bullshit. You know, it just takes more work and you don't want to do the work, you don't want to engage like that. Well, shame on you. These are your children. Give them a chance, have those conversations, come alongside them, encourage them to that path, find that way where they are called to be different. You're going to be doing a favor. Will it take some effort on your part? You bet it will. Could it be inconvenient? It might be. Your child's life will be second to none if you will set them up to succeed in this capacity.

Steve Coughran 16:18

Well, and I don't know why so many people are afraid to ask the questions. You know, it's like when I think about different levels of relationships, like the lowest level of a relationship is, and and you may have friends like this, right? I know I have friends like this, but the lowest level of a relationship is when you get together and you talk about other people. Oh, guess what, Steven? Did you know what Dave did? Oh, yeah, Paul is over here doing this. Oh, I ran into Susie the other day. And you just talk about other people, good, bad, or indifferent. But that's like the lowest level relationship. The next level relationship is where you just sit there and you talk about just random things, you know, like, oh, guess what about the economy and like the football game and this? But then the highest level of relationship is where you actually talk about your life. Steven, how are you feeling lately, man? What have you been struggling with? Like, what are you most excited about? What do you dream about? And when we think about our friendships, like so many of our connections, I wouldn't even call them friendships, are just like think about your dialogue with people. How often is it just hey, how's it going?

Consequences, Testing, And Brain Development

Steve Coughran 17:30

Great, you great. How's the weather? Great, you know, it's nothing meaningful, and I think the same thing is true with with kids. You know, so many parents they don't even talk to their kids, they talk at their kids. Amen. They talk with their kids about stupid stuff, but you know, I've been in relationships where my significant other, their parents don't talk to them, they're not like, How are you doing? What are you most excited about? What are you? They just talk about things, and so I think like as parents, I love where you mentioned transparency. I didn't think like this episode would go there, but I think this is really an episode about transparency and communication. And I know how much you love your kids, and I know how much your kids know that you love them. Not because you say it a million times, you do, but it's because the way you make them feel, and the way you make them feel is because you actually take an interest in their lives.

Steven Ginsburg 18:29

Amen. And thank you. It it's all so relevant and so on point, it's that utter transparency, it's that boldness, it's that willingness, you know, through divine appointment to intervene and intercede and really be with our children and for our children. And it's not always pretty and it's not always convenient, but it's always effective and always for their better good. And we must, again, not could, not should, not would, we must give them that chance because that blessing and that gift that was bestowed upon us in our children, we've got to honor that blessing and that gift and do our part. And I want to say this this is hard. Parents who are out there who feel at a loss or need some input or are afraid of the tough love or don't know what to do next or are afraid to ask that tough question. Please, I really please, right? Not too long ago, Steve, a mom reached out to me. Like, you thought I won the lottery, right? I was so excited, wasn't I? We want to hear from you, we want to help you. That is like the to me, that's the payoff of all this time that we take, is to hear from the people who are listening and know that. Like you, you will hear back from us, you will hear back from me. That is like the that is the real payoff and joy. Like we are contributing together to make this world and make our families healthy together. That's what this whole journey is for, because we are all just doing our best, but we are doing our best better when we do it together and we support each other and we help each other out.

From Small Talk To Real Talk

Steve Coughran 20:00

Amen, my brother. And with that, I'm gonna let you go enjoy a beautiful evening with your family, celebrating your son's birthday.

Steven Ginsburg 20:07

Thank you for making me cry right off the bat. Bray's gonna love it. Hey, Steve, I know we talked about this before, but let's talk about it live. I know we're gonna plan an episode one day, like with Marmar, with Marlia on this, but it would be so cool too. Maybe we can do an episode two with Braden as well. Yeah, I would love that.

Steve Coughran 20:23

Like having the kids on, having your wife on. The more people like that, um, the better. So just get ready to be amazing. Uh, we're gonna we're gonna pack in some new things, new ideas in this year 2026 in the podcast.

Steven Ginsburg 20:36

Steve, thank you for this. Uh, thank you for covering such an important imperative topic. If you are out there and you are hearing us know this, we love you. We are for you. Everyone, have a safe and sober day.