85: The Upside of Sobriety

Sobriety is often seen as a life of sacrifice, but we've found the opposite to be true. In this episode, we discuss the joy, purpose, and freedom that come from being fully present and living with integrity, service, and faith.

We explore what it means to live “life on life’s terms,” why difficult emotions don't mean you're failing, and how tools like AA, sponsorship, prayer, and step work help navigate life's challenges without escaping them.

We also share a simple "bowl of taffy" analogy to explain how recovery and relapse prevention improve the odds of a healthier future.

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Helpful Links:
Learn more about Restore Detox Centers
Filling the Void book by Steven T. Ginsburg
Overcoming the Fear and Lies of Addiction e-book
How to Love and Set Boundaries Without Enabling Addiction e-book
Call Us for Addiction Recovery:  1-800-982-5530

DISCLAIMER:
Welcome to the Addiction Recovery podcast, brought to you by Restore Detox Centers. We are dedicated to providing valuable and insightful information on addiction recovery. However, it is essential to understand that the content shared in this podcast is intended for educational purposes only. While we strive to ensure the accuracy and reliability of the information presented, we cannot guarantee its completeness or suitability for individual circumstances. The topics discussed in this podcast are based on general knowledge and should not be considered a substitute for professional advice or treatment.

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Transcript

Why The Upside Matters

Steven Ginsburg 0:00

It's my life on life's terms. It's my Lord and Savior. It's the joy of this life because I'm not missing my life, man.

Steve Coughran 0:07

This is the Addiction Recovery Podcast with Steven T. Ginsburg, founder of Restore Detox Centers in Sunny, California. Enjoy your experience. Steven, anytime I see like drugs and alcohol being portrayed on like a documentary or you know in the news or whatever it may be, there's always this like negative, evil, dark side of drug and alcohol abuse. But today I want to talk about the upside of sobriety. What are the positive, amazing, beautiful blessings that come from a sober life? And I think you're uh you know a walking testimony of this. And I want to dive into what you've seen from getting sober side of the whole equation. So let's let's go ahead and jump in.

Steven Ginsburg 0:58

Oh my goodness. I feel like we've if we've got like 24 hours straight marathon, I might be able to get it all out. Um, it's just the list is long and distinguished. Thank you. It's a gift. Uh, it's a it's an incredibly promise-filled underhand softball pitch. And I've got the biggest bat of the world because of Christ and Alcoholics Anonymous. You know, it's a it's a life of passion, it's a life of joy. There's heartache and sorrow, and there's trials and tribulations, but it's life on life's terms. It's a life of esteemable acts and integrity, it's a life of service and it's everything that I am, who I am, what I have to offer through through my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ and through Alcoholics Anonymous. It is everything of who I am today in all things, as a husband, as a father, as your friend, as someone who gets to lend a voice to this incredible work, and as the you know, the founder and someone who's trusted with Restored Detox Center. So I hope that's a good starting

Fear, Faith, And Early Sobriety

Steven Ginsburg 1:53

point, brother.

Steve Coughran 1:53

Yeah, I love it. That that's a great starting point. Last week we were talking about, you know, getting sober and just how there's a lot of fear wrapped up in it, right? It's like a change in lifestyle, it's a change in career, it's a change in relationships, etc. And it can be really scary, right? Because you're not just giving up this habit, this way of living, but you may be giving up some other things. I want to talk about walking in faith because you mentioned that last week when we were talking, and I think that's just such an important thing. And look, when I go back down memory lane in my life, and I think about the different moments where things were just really dark, and I was like depressed in a terrible spot. And sure, I probably had a lot of fear too, and a lot of anxiety of the future at the time. But looking back on that, when I decided to like make these changes in my life, things never got worse in the long run, maybe in the short run. Like, okay, I'm gonna get sober, I'm gonna do this. Like, I lose my friends, my cat runs away, my grandma passed away. These are all true things, and it's like, dang, I'm trying to clean up my life, and here's my life like collapsing on me. It feels terrible. And it's like so tempting to be like, you know what? Screw it. I'm just gonna go back to what I was doing, but I just push forward and then looking back, I'm like, oh my gosh, there have been so many amazing blessings that have come along with like these changes in my life. Also, I want to be very clear just because there's been blessings, it doesn't mean that the blessings aren't counteracted with tons of hardship, right? But we can find joy in the entire journey, even when things are really hard. So I want to turn it over to you because you know, you were in the depths of hell, this dirty guy, you're staying in like your place, you're not even leaving, you're so paranoid, you know, you're doing drugs all the time. You you talk about this in your book, and you're just in a like a horrible place. And it's like when I think about that, Steven, I can't even imagine that because you know, you're like this clean, well-put together guy, you know, like I can't imagine you being this like dirty guy, not taking a shower, like tweaking out. And and I look back on my life, I'm like this O C D guy. My wife's like you know, sees me wash my hands all the time. She's like, I cannot believe you used to smoke cigarettes. And I'm like, yeah, it's crazy to like imagine as it's different person. So share a little bit about your perspective on this.

AA Promises And Grief Without Relapse

Steven Ginsburg 4:26

Thank you. Yeah, our representatives are unreal, huh? I mean, come on. It's and it's true. I mean, it's and it wasn't that, you know, 21 years ago, like you'd find me like pig pen in in Snoopy in the cartoon, like there was a cloud around me. I just was too paranoid because of the drug use to get in the shower. Um, and that's horrible. You know, it becomes Steve, here's what it becomes. It becomes the living antithesis of the bumper stickers. Like, we don't leave before the miracle, it's darkest before the dawn, you know, it takes what it takes, like it becomes those things come alive and they ring true. And it's that walk with faith, you see so quickly it's a better alternative. So you are to your to to quote you what you just said, and you're spot on from that depths of hell. Compared to that, like, I'm like, like, what was gonna happen? Compared to like not being able to literally function in any way, shape, or form in society. What was I gonna endure or face compared to that? Nothing is the answer. Um, there was hope because I was doing things that led to greater hope and greater results, but it was because of the abstinence of mind-altering chemicals and alcohol. It was because of having those working components of a program in my life. It was because, and the promises in Alcoholics Anonymous, you know, there's 12 promises, they're important, they address everything and anything. And then it as it goes along, and I want to kind of touch on this element of it and then turn it back over to you. It lends itself to life on life's terms. You know, not too many years ago, Steve, within a 24-hour period, my mom, God rest her soul, she died. Okay, that was horrible. Yeah, and I love my mom and I miss my mom. There was nothing in me, even for a moment, amidst that. I was able to be with her, I was able to say goodbye to her, I was able to be there for my siblings. I never thought of picking up a drink or drug. Why? Because based on the footwork that I had done before, based on the meetings I've been to, the step work I've done, the sponsors I've had, the prayers I have said, I know who to turn to, uh, both through my heavenly father and picking up the phone and calling my sponsor, calling my brothers and sisters in Trudge, the people I'm in community with and Alcoholics Anonymous, reaching out for support from loved ones. I wasn't going to honor my mother's memory by getting loaded or by getting drunk. Rather, I honor it through that footwork and the esteemable acts and that walk with integrity that she'd want to see her son have again, because on a cellular level, it's ingrained in me. We default to the solution. We don't drink and drug no matter what.

Emotions, Suffering, And Finding Joy

Steve Coughran 7:13

Right. Yeah, and I think you're absolutely right. And it's interesting. Like I was reading this thing the other day, and I'm sure you've heard this quote before, and you know, it's pretty, you know, it's pretty popular out there. But it says comparison is the thief of joy, right? I'm sure you've heard that. Absolutely. But I think there's a bigger thief of joy. I think that bigger thief of joy is uh we mistakenly believe as humans, uh, and maybe this isn't you, maybe it's just me, but we mistakenly believe that uh there shouldn't be suffering, there shouldn't be hard like hardships. And I think like that expectation robs us of joy, right? Because we believe we're like, oh, why is this happening? Things are so hard, and it's like things are supposed to be hard, and like I explain to my kids all the time, it's like take 30 days, okay, take a month in a month, in a month time frame, and maybe I'm just like schizophrenic or bipolar or whatever, but in my life, in those 30 days, I'm gonna be depressed, I'm gonna be anxious, I'm gonna be sad, I'm gonna be happy, I'm gonna be super excited, I'm gonna be so enthusiastic and bullish about the future. I'm gonna be absolutely depressed and dark about the future. And it's just emotions, right? So it's like, okay, out of a month, I know there's probably three days I might feel down. And there's this many days I'm gonna feel it. That's just probabilities, right? That's just like the cam chemical changes going on in our bodies. So when we recognize that and have a really hard day, I'm like, oh my gosh, today is terrible. Right, the future looks so dark, you know, everything's like yeah, you know, just miserable and uh this cloudy day. But I know that two, three days around the corner, I could have the best day of my life. Right on, and so I I think that's a really important thing to touch on here because you know, getting sober and just going through changes in life, there's days where you're like, I got this, I'm on top of the world. Oh my gosh, things are getting so much better. I just got a new job, I just met a really good friend and the next day, terrible. Oh my gosh, why am I doing this? Oh bad. Uh, you know, like, and so in those moments, in those dark moments, what I do, and I want to hear what you do, Steven. You know, I just remind myself literally, the best day could be one day around the corner. Just go to sleep and you'll wake up and like your perspective changes. It's amazing. What do you do?

This Too Shall Pass

Steven Ginsburg 9:55

It's listen, I love that, and it's it's really important. All of this is critical as far as just looking at it together. You know, this too shall pass. Like we're on top of the world. Hey, this too shall pass. Things are horrible, this too shall pass. You know, very often in group. Um, and I'm again, it's kind of nice. Steve has been in many groups at restore. I'll kind of hold up my hand. Steve's seen me do this a million times, and I'll be like, okay, you got a crisis over here. And then I'll hold up my other hand. Okay, now you've gone out and relapsed. Don't worry about the crisis. That event is far gone by the time you come out of your relapse. Right. It's all burnt down, no sweat. So don't, you got nothing over there. Your new crisis is the fact that you can't get sober right now because of your progressive illness. So that's just the starting point right there. That's where the no matter what comes into play. Everything and anything is gonna happen in sobriety. And and like I'm gonna go biblical for a moment. You know, in this world, we're gonna have trouble, right? But what? He overcame the world. Like there is hope, but not without our part in that faith walk. And then one last thing I just want to touch on for one second, brother. And you and I are on the same track about this. There's a prayer in Alcoholics Anonymous. It's called the third step prayer. It's where I turn my will and my life over to the care of God as I understand him. Look, anyone can say that prayer, read that prayer, memorize that prayer. But if we are living that prayer, we are truly amidst all the joy and jubilation and amidst all the trials and tribulation, we are truly turning our will and our life over to the care of God as we understand him. We're turning it over to him. It's yours, Lord, have it. I can't deal with it. We're sat. Yeah, he didn't take us this far to leave us behind, but there is never an answer in the bottle. There is never an answer in a mind-altering substance.

The Probabilities That Change Sober

Steve Coughran 11:49

Yeah, absolutely. And it goes back to probabilities. We've talked about this before. I just did this activity with my wife and my kids just the other night. And what I did is I got a big bowl. It's our popcorn bowl, right? And in it, I put these taffys. So we had different colored taffy wrapped up in in different colored uh wrappings. And so I grabbed, I think I grabbed like 10 reds. And I said to my daughter, okay, you know, draw a red out of the bowl, you know, and the red represents great things, like good positive things. So she draws, she gets red. She draws, gets a red, draws, gets a red, draws, gets red. And they're like, okay, it's all red. So she grabs a handful of all reds, and she's like, Oh, okay, great. And I said, All right, well, let's make this interesting. And so I grabbed two taffies that were blue, and I said, This represents teenage pregnancy. Throw them into the mix, right? So I put all the reds back in and I include these two blue ones. So I shuffled around and she grabs it. And then just coincidentally, I'm like, oh, this is perfect. She grabs the blue on her first try, and it's like, boom, right there. You just got pregnant. Right? And she's like, What? That's not fair. Do it, do it again. So then I'm like, okay, well, let me grab some yellows. And a yellow represents a D UI. And so I grabbed a few yellows and I threw them in the bowl. And so she goes and she grabs a red. She grabs a red. She grabs a red. She grabs another red. And now they're starting to smirk, like, ha ha, dad, we got you. And I said, Isn't this how life is? We do, we drive drunk, we get home, we're like, oh my gosh, thank my lucky stars. We do it again, we do it again, we do it for five years, we do it for 10 years, whatever it is. And then one day we kill somebody, one day we go to jail, one day, whatever it is, then it happens. You're like, what the heck? And so, like, they're they think they're getting all like smart and smooth. Then she draws a yellow, then she draws a blue, DUI and pregnant, same day, you know. And so the whole point of the exercise was just mentioning like this rule of probabilities, and they're like, I know, dad, the chances of getting pregnant are zero. Like, and I'm like, Yeah, the probability of getting pregnant as a teenager, like an unwanted teenage pregnancy, is zero percent. It's zero percent if you don't engage in premarital sex, zero percent, right? Yep, now you start introducing promiscuous behavior, it just increases the probabilities. What's the probability, Steven, of you getting a DUI? Zero, zero, it's it's not even point zero zero one. It's zero if you're sober, zero, could be negative, sober, right? Right, absolutely. So you don't even have to worry about it. So going back to the joy thing and the upside of being sober

Presence, Love, And A Bigger Life

Steve Coughran 14:50

is like, is your life perfect, Steven?

Steven Ginsburg 14:54

Absolutely not.

Steve Coughran 14:55

No, like bad crap happens to you all the time, right? To your family, like whatever it is, right? Same thing with me. It's like I could I could try to, you know, I read my scriptures, I go to church, I try to like live this Christ-centered life. Bad things still happen all the time. That's life, but the probability of certain things happening that are gonna definitely rob me of my joy, getting convicted of a crime, driving drunk and killing somebody, you know, whatever it is, are zero if I don't go down that path. So when we talk about sobriety and the upside of sobriety, it's all upside. It doesn't mean your life's gonna be perfect, but it's like, oh my gosh, the probability of it being beautiful and full of love and joy is a heck of a lot higher than if you keep doing what you're doing.

Steven Ginsburg 15:48

If you're in person alcohol, you are on the right side of the odds. Uh, you are on the right side of the human experience, you will be on the right side of living life fully and living life out loud, filled with love and laughter and light. Uh, you will be present, you will be present in your relationships of every sort. You'll be present as an employee, as an employer, you'll be present as a member of your community, you'll be present at your church of choice, you will be present. And uh, it is a ride and it is a blast. I mean, you've known me for a long time. Uh, you have listen, and and I I would go up to people who vaguely know me and say, just listen, no, this isn't loaded. You loaded question. You just tell me your truth. You think I'm having a good time or not? People be like, dude, I want what you've got. It's it's my sobriety. Yeah, it's my life on life's terms, it's my Lord and savior, it's the joy of this life because I'm not missing my life, man. I'm right there with my babies, I'm right there with our dogs. I'm right there, I am right there with my I am so present with my wife. I'm present. Look, you're one of my best friends. I love you. We're worlds apart, we barely know each other, but it's a really close, important relationship. But I but you and I have been present with and for each other through the relationship. It shows up in our work on this podcast. You can hear it and feel it when you experience the podcast. It's because you and I are both present in our life. And I want people to have this because the enemy will alter us, and our souls will lose out on all that hope and light through the darkness of drugs and alcohol.

Steve Coughran 17:28

Absolutely, absolutely.

Invite Listeners To Share Stories

Steve Coughran 17:30

And and I I I just I love what you say and how you always bring so much hope and light to this podcast, too, Stephen. And I think it's because you've lived it and you see it all the time through the work that you're doing with Restore. And I can't imagine what would this world look like and what would like your circle of influence look like if you weren't around. You'd be dead. You'd be dead nowadays. I'd be so dead. You'd be dead. You wouldn't even like a few years. Yeah, I'd be way dead.

Steven Ginsburg 17:57

Yes.

Steve Coughran 17:58

So there'd be no podcast, no book, no, nothing store, kiddos, no, no people, you know. I mean, it's crazy. So it is crazy. That's what I want to, that's what I want to end on here, but I want to make a special invitation to all of our listeners out there because Steven and I, we would love to start bringing guests onto the show. So the invitation is to you. And if you would like to be on our show, we'll keep it all anonymous. You can change your name. We'll we'll call you something different if you want to be anonymous. Um, or you could you could give your name, you share your name. Um, we'll be very respectful. We're not gonna ask you any tough questions, but we'd love for you to come on and riff with us and share your story and just be a voice out there to the restore community and everybody who listens to this podcast. And it just would give a fresh perspective to all of our listeners because I think a lot of people are in pain, and it's just that community and that that shared experience that we can all have together, which brings healing and comfort to people because we realize we're not alone and we're all going to do the same stuff. So if this is you and you'd love to be on the podcast, it doesn't matter if you've never been on the podcast before, we'll help you get set up, we'll help you find a time, easy reach out to us. Hello at restore detoxcenters.com. We've had people, other people already reach out to us, join in different meetings, and which is absolutely amazing. So we we want to hear from you and we want to make this podcast more interactive with our community. Hello at restore detoxcenters.com. You can literally email us right now on your phone, whatever device you're on, just boom, punch it, say I want to be on, and we'll give you all the details from there. Stephen, great to be with you again today.

Steven Ginsburg 19:43

Yeah, love it, Steve. Thank you so much. And if you are out there and hearing us, uh, we love you, we are for you. Please, we want to hear from you. Let's continue to come together in community and communally and focus on the solution. We love you. Everyone, have a safe and sober day.