SPEAKER_02 0:02

A monkey monkey monkey. I'm so fun. The monkey monkey monkey monkey song is done. Also, there's elephant. Elephant, well, car do you want to be?

SPEAKER_01 0:14

I'll be blue.

SPEAKER_02 0:16

Aww, I was gonna be blue.

SPEAKER_01 0:19

Fine. I'll be yellow.

SPEAKER_02 0:22

Aww, I was gonna be yellow.

SPEAKER_01 0:25

You were going to be two cars?

SPEAKER_02 0:28

What? Here, you be green, I'll be red.

SPEAKER_00 0:33

Sure, monk. What color do I get? Who are you? I'm turtle. You invited me to your race. I did? No, I didn't.

SPEAKER_03 0:49

I've never seen you before in my life. I've never even talked to a turtle. I don't even know what a turtle is. Is a turtle that thing that you turn that opens cans?

SPEAKER_00 1:00

You're thinking of a can opener.

SPEAKER_01 1:04

A turtle is a small reptile protected by a shell. And I invited turtle. Don't you think activities are more fun when more friends are involved?

SPEAKER_02 1:16

Um, maybe.

SPEAKER_03 1:18

But I want to win the race! And with this turtle here, it'll be harder for me to win.

SPEAKER_01 1:26

You know, Monk, turtles are usually slow. Really?

SPEAKER_02 1:32

Um well, that makes you feel a little better. Okay, turtle, I will let you be in the race if you promise to lose.

SPEAKER_00 1:44

Why would I want to race if I don't have a chance to win?

SPEAKER_03 1:50

So I can win. Isn't anyone listening to me?

SPEAKER_01 1:54

Turtle, please ignore monkey. You're in the race, and I hope you try your best and have fun. Thank you. Let's get this race started.

SPEAKER_03 2:05

Okay. I'm the blue car. Ellie, you're the yellow car. Turtle, you're the red car. And here we go. This is the first annual official amazing super mega ultimate world universal championship race around the house. The winner gets a trophy that's 20 feet tall, plus a zillion dollars, plus their own TV show.

SPEAKER_00 2:26

That's not true, Turtle. I didn't think so.

SPEAKER_03 2:31

And the only rule is there are no rules! First one to the finish wins. If you don't win, your car explodes.

SPEAKER_01 2:41

Actually, there are no explosions. And there are rules. We are pretending that we are driving the cars, so you have to make engine noises.

SPEAKER_03 2:51

Start your engines!

SPEAKER_01 2:55

Also, you have to follow the race course and get to the three checkpoints in order. Then you can race the finish.

SPEAKER_03 3:02

Let's get this race started on your fart.

SPEAKER_00 3:07

Isn't it on your mark?

SPEAKER_03 3:10

Get set!

SPEAKER_00 3:12

You like saying on your fart.

SPEAKER_03 3:14

And go! And they're off. The first annual official amazing Super Mega Ultimate World Championship Universal uh something race around the house is underway. Monkey takes an early lead with Turtle following closely behind and elephant starting slow in third. They round the first turn out of the living room. Monkey takes the turn wide, and Turtle makes a move to pass Monkey. Turtle takes the lead! Hey, get back here! I thought turtles were slow! No fear! No fear! The first checkpoint is the refrigerator. Remember, the racers have to touch each checkpoint before they can move to the next one. Turtle is nearly there. And yes, Turtle has hit the first checkpoint. Here comes Monkey. Oh, but Monkey's coming in too fast! He's going to crash! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Ow. Monkey smashes into the refrigerator. Elephant drives around the crash, touches the refrigerator, and passes monkey to move in two seconds. Get back here! I wanna win!

SPEAKER_01 4:20

If you wanna win, don't just sit there. Go fast and don't give up.

SPEAKER_03 4:25

You're in a race, race, race. Gotta go faster, faster, faster, faster, race, race, race, gotta go faster, faster, faster. Check your pace, pace, pace. Make it laster, laster, laster, laster, race, race, race. Gotta go faster, faster, faster, faster, race, race, race. Gotta go faster, faster, faster, faster, race, race, race. Gotta go faster, faster, faster. Check your pace, pace, pace. Make it laster, laster, laster, laster, race, race, race. Gotta go faster, faster, faster, faster. Racing in a race, try to chase my competitor. Gaining on him like he is the prey, and I'm the predator. I train hard and I think I can win. I'm gonna go fast. Then I think I'll go fast again. I'm in a race, race, race. Gotta go faster, faster, faster, faster, race, race, race. Gotta go faster, faster, faster. Check my pace, pace, pace. Make it laster, laster, laster, laster, race, race, race. Gotta go faster, faster, faster, faster. If I don't win, well, I'm not gonna whine. If I had fun and did my best, well that will be fine. It's okay if I don't beat you, but I'm still gonna try to. So you better go faster, or I'm gonna zoom by you in my race, race, race. Gotta go faster, faster, faster, faster, race, race, race. Gotta go faster, faster, faster, faster, race, race, race. Gotta go faster, faster, faster, faster, race. We return to our coverage of the first official uh Universal Ultimate Race Mega Championship around the house race. I forget the name, it's a long name. As we approach the second checkpoint, the race has tightened considerably. Turtle is still in first, but elephant is now close behind in second, and Monkey is clawing his way back into it, having recovered from his crash. Hey Elephant! Can you stop for a second? No. We are in a race.

SPEAKER_01 6:20

Uh fine. What is it?

SPEAKER_03 6:23

Oh, I just thought we should read a book.

SPEAKER_01 6:26

And now, a story.

SPEAKER_03 6:31

One day, two friends were walking- Are you kidding me?

SPEAKER_01 6:34

We are in a race! Let's go!

SPEAKER_03 6:37

Oh yeah, let's go! Turtle just hit the second checkpoint, the washing machine in the laundry room. But now he is stopping for some water. He better hurry. This is giving Elephant and Monkey time to catch up. Elephant zooms toward checkpoint two with Monkey close behind. Turtle has finished his water break and heads down the stairs toward the third and final checkpoint.

SPEAKER_01 6:58

There, we hit the second checkpoint. And you didn't crash this time. We need to hurry if we're going to catch Turtle.

SPEAKER_03 7:07

Ha! I'm gonna catch him and win this race. Time to reveal my top secret plan. Elephant races down the stairs. Monkey. Um monkey is holding a paper bag high over his head. What? Oh wow! Monkey jumps all the way down the stairs with his car and crashes in a heap at the bottom of the stairs. Oh, my parachute didn't work. Monkey was apparently trying to use a bag as a parachute. A parachute is a device which opens up and slows someone down as they are falling from the sky. Monkey had a good idea, but terrible execution. Now he is in last place with little chance of winning. Aww, I have little chance of winning? Looks like it. But wait! Turtle and elephant are stopped at the third checkpoint. There appears to be an obstacle. Monkey gets back up and races toward them, finally catching up. What's going on? Why aren't you two racing?

SPEAKER_00 8:08

Look, it's the cat.

SPEAKER_03 8:12

The cat.

SPEAKER_01 8:17

This isn't good.

SPEAKER_03 8:19

What a turn of events, folks! The third checkpoint is the cat's litter box. This is the cat's bathroom. The cat is sitting right in front of the checkpoint. All of the racers are too afraid to get near the cat. Is this the end of the race? That's it. It's over. I'll never win the race now.

SPEAKER_02 8:41

All because of a stinky cat. I don't stink! You stink! Meow!

SPEAKER_03 8:48

It talks! And I don't stink, you stink! And your letterbox stinks!

SPEAKER_01 8:54

Monkey. Maybe if we work together, we can get past the cat and finish the race.

SPEAKER_03 9:02

Work together? My mind boggles at the very idea.

SPEAKER_01 9:08

I will distract the cat and you can touch the checkpoint.

SPEAKER_03 9:15

What does distract mean? Hey, did you ever notice that I don't have any fingers? Isn't that weird?

SPEAKER_02 9:20

What are you two talking about over there? Meow.

SPEAKER_01 9:25

Distract means to get the cat to pay attention to something else. Right now the cat is paying attention to us. But when she is distracted, she won't be paying attention to you. She will move away from the letterbox. Then you and Turtle can touch the checkpoint and race to the finish.

SPEAKER_03 9:49

You would sacrifice yourself for me? I could never let you do that, except in this circumstance. Please sacrifice yourself so that I may achieve glory.

SPEAKER_01 10:01

Here goes. One, two, three.

SPEAKER_03 10:07

What's this? Elephant is charging at the cat. The cat jumps on elephant and pins into the ground. He has distracted the cat. Turtle and Monkey both touch the litter box for checkpoint three. Turtle zooms off toward the finish. Monkey was about to zoom off, but is hesitating. He's looking back at his friend who is stuck beneath the cat's paws. Oh no. I really want to win the race, but my friend is trapped in the paws of a stinky cat. What do I do? I want to win a trophy, but I want to help my friend. Trophy. Or friend.

SPEAKER_02 10:50

No, I want to save you, Ellie.

unknown 10:53

Ha!

SPEAKER_02 10:54

You can't save him, you stinky monkey. He's trapped forever! Meow.

SPEAKER_03 11:01

Oh yeah? I'm going to distract you! Wow, Monkey has knocked over the litter box. There is litter and cat poop everywhere.

SPEAKER_02 11:13

Not my precious poopy box! No! Meow!

SPEAKER_03 11:19

Allie, you're free! Let's go, Monk! We are all set for an exciting finish, folks! Elephant's free and he's racing with his friend Monkey. Turtle is in first as he approaches the finish line, but the competitors are catching up.

SPEAKER_00 11:35

This is so thrilling. I've never won anything.

SPEAKER_03 11:42

And you never will! Catch that turtle! Elephant and monkey are gaining ground and coming up close behind. This is going to be a photo finish. It looks like Turtle's going to win it! Well, but Elephant's making a strong push! And oh wow! Monkey gives Elephant a boost by pushing him across the finish line just ahead of Turtle! Elephant wins! Elephant wins! He is the champion of the universal first annual race around the house for the universe of the championship race!

SPEAKER_01 12:16

I win! I did it, Monk! I won!

SPEAKER_03 12:20

You're a champion! You are the champion! And I'm the champion too! Can I borrow your trophy sometimes?

SPEAKER_01 12:27

Sure. Anytime you want, Monk.

SPEAKER_02 12:30

Yes! I got a trophy! I got a trophy! It's elephant's trophy, but I'm borrowing a trophy, so it's my trophy!

SPEAKER_01 12:39

Okay, can I have it back now?

SPEAKER_02 12:41

Not yet.

SPEAKER_03 12:42

I got my trophy, I got my trophy. Wow! Our race around the house was so cool! It was even more fun with our new friend Turtle joining us. I just hope I never see that evil cat again. Let's see, we talked about uh trying our best and never giving up. And even though I didn't win, I actually had the most fun ever because it was a crazy adventure and because I ended up working together with my friend.

SPEAKER_02 13:11

Woohoo! That was cool. We had fun with you. Let's do it again. We'll find more fun things to do. Oh yeah. Oh, it's not done. Uh monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey monkey.

SPEAKER_00 13:34

Not my precious poopy bugs.

SPEAKER_02 13:38

No, no, no, no.