Stop Chasing Your “Best Self” And Start Liking Who You Are

A crackling fire, a quiet room, and a loud truth: sometimes “working on yourself” is just a clever way to avoid yourself. We pull on that thread and unravel the difference between meaningful growth and restless avoidance, from journaling and therapy binges to the seductive trap of endless prep with no action. If you’ve ever felt unworthy when you’re not producing or performing, this one hits close to home.

We talk through holiday pressure, why December feels like a stress test for the soul, and how youth mental health stats can be both alarming and easily distorted without nuance. That leads us into a candid exploration of conditional love—how many of us learned that doing equals deserving—and why stillness can feel unsafe. The question keeps repeating: do we chase our “best self” because we don’t like our real one? Or is the real move learning to like who we are while we grow?

From the so-called “Berlin paradox” to radical therapy riffs, we thread practical takeaways through the jokes. Preparation is only useful if it ends in action. Authenticity doesn’t mean oversharing; it means knowing who you are, choosing your moments, and refusing to build a life around rooms you don’t even want to be in. The healthiest people aren’t the ones who “heal” the most; they’re the ones who stop seeing themselves as broken, then take small, concrete steps that align with their values.

Pull up a chair and sit with the quiet for a minute. Ask yourself where you’re fixing instead of feeling, prepping instead of doing, performing instead of being. Then take one step—any step—that belongs to you. If this conversation resonated, follow the show, share it with a friend, and leave a review to help more people find it.

Transcript

Fireside Setup And Banter

Dylan 0:00

This is the Terribly Unoblivious Podcast.

Ferris 0:03

Yep. I said it before, and I'll say it again. Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while. You could miss it.

Dylan 0:21

And the button's been hit. You can go wherever you want to. This is the most cozy podcast we've ever done. Too bad we don't have video. I know. I was just thinking that. I was taking some pictures.

Shannon 0:34

Is that okay?

Dylan 0:35

Shannon, yeah. Shannon will we'll re-tag Shannon or we'll steal your we'll also cite you as the artist in question.

Brad 0:42

I I also probably look best in this low light.

Dylan 0:46

You work best in the low light?

Brad 0:47

I look best.

Dylan 0:49

Oh, yeah.

Brad 0:49

You have a face radio. Yeah. I mean, preferably uh heavy moonlight. Dancing in the moonlight? Is my preferred setting.

Dylan 0:58

You wanna we've got a actual real fire going. So wood wood burning fire. Nice. I forgot my laptop, which is awesome. So you can't yell at me for making so much delayed time. So what I don't think the audience understands is that I spend a tremendous amount of time going through the podcast and finding the dead spots and shortening them. You can't delete them because it sounds like a robot when you delete them. You have to take basically the human I was doing research on this, the human body, or I guess it'd be yeah, the human body here, human neuro, neurological system, whatever. I don't know, which I don't know actually what we're in charge of here.

Brad 1:36

Neurology.

Editing Pauses And Audio Timing

Dylan 1:37

Anyway. Okay. So 0.3 milliseconds? Point three seconds, which is 300 milliseconds. Okay. Um that was a delay. Yeah, it was a delay. And what you do is you look for delays that are over the sweet spot, is about they say about a half a second, 500 milliseconds to about 600 milliseconds, and you shorten that to 300 milliseconds. So that just kind of it kind of cups cusps on the edge of, oh, it's uncomfortable, it's almost too long of a pause. But when you start going down to that 100 and 200, that's where it gets really jumpy.

Brad 2:14

I love talking audio technicals with you.

Dylan 2:17

I have learning on the floor. I'm sorry. I'm learning on the fly. I chat GPT a lot about how to do that.

Brad 2:24

If you could put that in a spreadsheet, I would I would probably have a broner.

Dylan 2:29

You would never even know how to open it.

Shannon 2:31

I would help him.

Dylan 2:32

No, no, you can't help him.

Shannon 2:33

No.

Dylan 2:34

You can't help him. I just love because his career, like what a spreadsheet would actually do for him if he I make them for him sometimes. And he doesn't follow him, does he? No, I don't think.

Shannon 2:44

No. I actually make something really because I think one of the goals was last year to have like track your um receipts or something. Because you know what he does during taxes is he just starts adding them all up right at taxes. Where I'm like, why don't you just do this as you go? And then you could break it all down. And so I think I did make it by month, by store, by job. How many did you enter?

Brad 3:07

I did I didn't enter any.

Shannon 3:08

None.

Dylan 3:09

We've got it. Dude, QuickBooks is like$35 a month. And you take a picture of the app on the app of it, it itemizes it for you, and you can do this like you're saying, job, all that stuff. So when you go to invoice, it's all there. And then we're not, and then at the end of the year, you're just running your books and you're like, this is expensive, this isn't, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Shannon 3:27

Yeah.

Dylan 3:27

I I keep telling him I'll help him with it, but he just he he keeps telling me to fuck off.

Shannon 3:31

I know.

Dylan 3:32

I didn't I don't say those words. You say it with your eyes. I do you know what I'm talking about? You know what I'm talking about? Shannon knows.

Shannon 3:39

But I'll say something like, Well, what's wrong with that? And he'd be like, I didn't say anything. I'm like, you don't have to say anything. Your face says it for you.

Spreadsheets, Receipts, And QuickBooks

Brad 3:46

It doesn't hide well. I think I don't either, though. I think some kids at soccer noticed that yesterday.

Dylan 3:50

Coach, Coach Child's a dick.

Brad 3:52

Like, like there would be a play that would happen and they would just like fuck up a really easy play, and I wouldn't say anything, but the way they were looking back at me made me think that I said it enough with a face. And I was like, Did I say that out loud?

Dylan 4:06

Yeah, I have to question myself sometimes. I did not, by the way. Did I not?

Brad 4:10

There were some times I said it out loud.

Dylan 4:12

What is here comes the ball? The other guys, uh, when uh Will Farrell's like, no, I I now that is asking me to mask my emotions, and I will not do that. It feels like that sometimes. Okay, I gotta find a we can pause if we need a pause. We need to pause.

Shannon 4:27

Just one second.

Dylan 4:28

Okay, we're pausing. Okay. Easy, quick break.

Shannon 4:31

Sorry.

Dylan 4:31

Don't don't be. You gotta take care of the kiddos.

Shannon 4:34

Gotta keep the kids fed.

Dylan 4:35

So we are in your guys' what room do you guys call this? We call it the playroom.

Shannon 4:40

We call it the playroom because way back when it was a playroom.

Dylan 4:42

We're in the playroom. We've got lazy boys, we've got a fire, the dogs are somewhat behaved right now. We have a Christmas tree and a treadmill, just in case.

Shannon 4:53

A treadmill and lots of balls.

Dylan 4:54

And lots of balls.

Shannon 4:55

This is the oh no, I didn't.

Brad 4:57

Oh, this is a utility room, essentially.

Dylan 5:00

It's just it's a podcast studio right now.

Brad 5:01

Yeah.

Shannon 5:02

This is my supposed to be MySpace because there's not one spot in the house that is MySpace.

Brad 5:07

Did you know me and Shana met on MySpace?

Shannon 5:09

No, we didn't. Shut up.

Brad 5:11

Was she in one of your top friends?

Dylan 5:12

Yeah.

Shannon 5:13

We did not find it.

Dylan 5:14

That's how you knew that's how you knew you were. She didn't start out there, but she got there. That's how you know you're flirting when you're like, I edited you as a top friend and be like, oh, I didn't know we were moving that fast.

Shannon 5:23

We didn't, Brad.

Dylan 5:24

I put our favorite song on. You know how you could like Yeah, you can make a song. Make the songs. What was yours?

Brad 5:30

I can love you like that.

Shannon 5:32

You are such a liar.

Dylan 5:33

I would give you the world.

Shannon 5:35

I don't even know what he's talking about.

Dylan 5:37

Shannon, what was your MySpace song? Oh, that one almost went.

unknown 5:41

Sorry.

Shannon 5:42

I don't even remember. But I do know back in the day when you could have ringtones like as a song.

Dylan 5:48

You can't do that anymore. So stressful.

Shannon 5:50

You know what Brad's song was?

Dylan 5:51

We tried to add one the other day.

Shannon 5:53

Hard to love.

Brad 5:54

Yeah, the country song.

Shannon 5:55

That's that's that was his ringtone.

Brad 5:57

That's you know you know what Shannon's song was? What? Literally any two short song. That's funny. That's funny.

Dylan 6:08

Shout out to two short fans. So we got Shannon back in two episodes. We only had one episode without her, and now we got her back. I will say, from the few people that listen to this from my side, they're like, you should work Shannon in more. She's good.

Brad 6:23

I don't have any feedback, so I'm glad that you have two people. Yeah, no.

Dylan 6:27

I still don't understand what we're doing.

Shannon 6:28

I give you feedback. That's fine. I was just I just listened to your most recent one, the short version, but on my way home.

Dylan 6:33

But Shannon's supposed to be our new marketing director as well.

Shannon 6:36

Oh boy.

Dylan 6:37

Yeah. Yeah.

Shannon 6:38

Initially that's not that was kind of two.

Brad 6:40

Maybe maybe this is a twofer toofer tonight because I promised her last time that we could do like a an actual Christmas episode that turned into a Mongolia episode.

Shannon 6:51

Yeah.

Brad 6:51

Oh, okay.

Shannon 6:52

I showed up downstairs in the basement thinking we were talking Christmas traditions, and two hours later we were talking about She walks into Mongolia and Don't Kill Yourself books.

Dylan 7:00

You know, the don't kill yourself books will get you everything.

Shannon 7:03

Oh yeah, that was the other piece of it. That's right. Sex and what's it like living with someone that has ideation? You were a real that was a real pretty Christmassy to me.

Dylan 7:14

It felt real pretty Christmassy to me. Hey, just because it's a present doesn't mean it's one of the hardest times of the year for people struggling with mental health. So it's true.

Shannon 7:22

I don't want to make I'm not making light of it. It's okay to it's just not what I was mentally prepared to walk into. Making light of it.

Coaching, Faces, And Emotional Honesty

Dylan 7:29

It's just good to let everyone know that they're not the only ones struggling so much. They're not the only ones. I think I I was actually well I usually get sick around Christmas. I don't get sick the rest of the year, and I always get sick around Christmas. I think it's because my body knows there's a little bit of a break. And I think it's just the buildup and the expectations and like physically sick?

Shannon 7:46

You get physically sick? Yeah, I didn't get like sick. You're also around more people and gathering.

Dylan 7:51

Yeah.

Shannon 7:51

But I think my body just But you travel a lot, so you should have a pretty good immune system.

Dylan 7:55

I I do. I uh alcohol works against that.

Shannon 7:57

Yeah, no, I work in a petri dish, so I have an amazing immune system.

Dylan 8:01

Does it kill everything or does it it kills something?

Shannon 8:04

Brad the liar. He doesn't know what he's talking about on his part.

Dylan 8:07

Proven to kill brain cells. Yeah. So I woke up Friday, the 206th.

Shannon 8:15

Okay. Day after Christmas.

Dylan 8:16

And then you couldn't get me out of my bed or out of the couch until Sunday. I did get out of bed for a little bit with Brad.

Shannon 8:23

I was gonna say, what day did you guys do your thing?

Dylan 8:25

Yeah, we were in bed for a long time, we were in bed hanging out. Um watching watching the JT Christmas special.

Brad 8:31

That's what that sounded like. Dick in a box.

Dylan 8:35

But uh I think my body just was like, fuck you. And I just it was and for the first time in a long time, I did nothing and I didn't feel guilty about it, which was I thought a nice thing.

Shannon 8:45

I love Christmas break. That's like my favorite.

Brad 8:48

I also love anytime she's on break.

Dylan 8:50

So let's give Shannon a little time from the last episode. And what Christmas traditions did we want to talk about?

Brad 8:56

Well, that was gonna be a different one. Oh, a different one.

Dylan 8:58

Never mind, never mind. We're we're we're pivoting, pivoting back.

Break, Playroom Vibes, And MySpace Nostalgia

Brad 9:01

Uh what did you write about? Well, Bubble Boy when we were, you know, uh talking about Christmas and suicide. Um, she had sent me not that that uh directly correlates to the thing that I wrote down, but she had sent me a a uh something about the youth and uh mental health and today? Yeah, and I I read through that and it said even though therapy and the the ability to diagnose mental health conditions and the the awareness and what do I want to say, the things that would help you out, the the resources, resources supports the resources that you have available compared to e even say 20 years ago is much greater. There is still a growing trend in uh anxiety and depression. And that was up I think that I think the stat was high schoolers. Yeah, it was up from like 18% to 23% have experienced uh depression. I think it was higher than that if it was in the 30s. Uh I don't think it was that high. Suicidal like ideation, you know, or thoughts of suicide. But then the the percentage of who's gonna be our fact checker, by the way. Like we're gonna at some point we're gonna have we're gonna have to have a fact checker that like this isn't an article that could be complete bullshit, which we're gonna get to your Instagram share in a bit here. It can also be complete bullshit.

Dylan 10:24

Which one? Oh my god.

Brad 10:26

I'll talk about it. But the I've been sending you some absolute fire reels to stop. The the suicide attempt rate had gone from eight percent to ten percent. Two percent increase in high schoolers. That's crazy. That's one in ten. I know. That's a banana's number. Yeah. Which 400 people in your class 40? Which makes yeah. I mean that's a big, big yeah. That makes me want to fact check that.

Dylan 10:52

That seems aggressive. Well, what do they what do they consider an attempt? Is an attempt. I mean then Well, it's uh Is it like grabbing a knife and thinking about it? Is it actually putting a knife to your skin? Right. Is it actually like where how do we classify that?

Brad 11:05

Well, there yeah, because there's a gradient of of that, I suppose. Any of it's bad, by the way.

Dylan 11:10

We're not not justifying that it's less it's less harmful or more harmful the more.

Brad 11:15

No, but like standing in the kitchen with a bottle of pills compared to swallowing the bottle of pills, it's is a different yeah, it's different. Uh in terms of research, not in terms of where your headspace is at. Yeah. Um, but so that was, if true, shocking.

Dylan 11:29

You need to check your shit before you get on the show.

Shannon 11:32

And also alarming to drop it. Hey, you know what?

Brad 11:34

I didn't send it to me. Okay, that's true.

Shannon 11:36

I don't know. I'm trying to I send you a lot of stuff, so I'm trying to remember which article it was in.

Brad 11:40

So Dylan sent me one, and it had to do with people that were obsessed with self-improvement.

Dylan 11:45

What was it called again? The what paradox?

Brad 11:47

The Berlin paradox. Okay. And again, didn't fact-check it because I uh I didn't have to. I didn't fact-check it, so that's my bad. But it I don't really care if it's true or not because it brings up some interesting points I want to talk about. And Shannon is here because I feel like she's the uh stable, stable one in the trio here. Where I don't while she works on herself, I don't feel like she has the same need to improve herself that we do in the same way. Does that make sense? Does it make sense to you?

Shannon 12:17

Yeah. I mean or no.

Brad 12:18

Yes, we feel like we have to improve ourselves because we're not worthy.

Shannon 12:22

Oh.

Brad 12:23

You improve yourself because you just want to be a better version of it.

Shannon 12:27

Yes, yes.

Brad 12:28

Right?

Shannon 12:29

Yes.

Brad 12:29

Um, so the Dr. Lena Hoffman. Do you have some history on that right there? Yeah. Okay.

Shannon 12:35

Which one? The one you were looking up? Because I found our points too.

Brad 12:38

This is the one that he sent me. Um so this is the Berlin paradox.

Dylan 12:41

Chat GPT's pretty not okay with it. Doesn't like it? It says she's not a very popular psychologist, and it says it's not formal.

Shannon 12:49

Well, I will tell you the data that you were looking at.

Dylan 12:51

But then there's some there's a lot of different things. But then you go to the AI overview and Google, and it's like, wow, it's right here.

Shannon 12:56

So I don't the data that you were referencing was from like actually a 2021 thing. So it's went up from like 2019 to 2021. There's a lot of years.

Dylan 13:07

It seems to be just a social media craze, which is fun. Like all the all the first articles that pop are social media.

Brad 13:17

And I don't really care.

Dylan 13:19

Which makes me feel like it's fucking shit.

Brad 13:21

Probably. And when I talk about some of the things, we can talk about how it can immediately be misconstrued. But the it starts out with people that are obsessed with self-improvement, how they journal every thought, they consume therapy, like it's going out of style. They have they feel a need to stay busy with healing themselves so that they never actually have to feel like potentially what the the reality can better themselves before they actually feel anything.

Dylan 13:52

Essentially, you can keep if you keep working on yourself, you can't get hurt.

Brad 13:56

So it's a really so it says most people don't want to heal, they want to become someone who was never hurt. So they they just want to take out the bad like the the self-improvement is taking out the bad parts and making them so that they never existed. Is what she what she's saying, additionally.

Dylan 14:16

How obsessive self-improvement can become a form of restless avoidance, keeping people stuck by preventing them from accepting their current selves and fostering a subconscious belief that they are never enough, leading to a constant state of survival mode and drifting from their real selves. So that part it was actually saying that the more they do like quote unquote work on themselves, the further they get away from their true selves. Yes. Which I don't that one's fucking with my head.

Brad 14:40

So the the setup to it, and this could come from a lot of different ways, but that growing up that there was some sort of conditional love, and so that you felt loved when you did something well or worthwhile, and then the nothingness or stillness becomes unsafe because you don't feel like your default mode network. When I'm not doing anything, I'm I'm not being worthy of receiving love. Does that make sense?

Dylan 15:06

And I think that's what Brad and I are saying, if we're not doing anything, we don't feel lovable.

Shannon 15:10

So not is that because that's your love language?

Brad 15:12

Like my love language is okay, the different episode.

Dylan 15:17

Okay.

Shannon 15:18

Wow.

Dylan 15:18

Can we get Dr. Drew for that one? Yeah.

Shannon 15:20

I don't know. He he went a little off the rails for a little while here.

Brad 15:24

But she did really.

Shannon 15:25

I really loved Dr. Drew back in his day, especially during like celebrity rehab. Yeah, but you know what happened.

Holidays, Mental Health, And Stress

Dylan 15:31

You know what happened? TRT. Oh once you go on, you're never coming off. Yeah. Your testy stopped making it for reels reels. Okay, back to the part of the six year old. Let's go back. Let's go back.

unknown 15:43

Yeah.

Brad 15:43

So not improving equals feeling unworthy. And by fixing myself, I earn love. Yes. That's that's the theory. Okay. That's her theory. Now, is that true? I don't know, but uh I definitely feel a need to fix myself.

Shannon 15:59

You're a fixer.

Brad 16:00

Often he is a fixer. But does that lead to the the reason that I want to fix myself is so that I don't have to feel or acknowledge or be okay with the things that I think are quote unquote wrong with me.

Shannon 16:12

I don't know about that.

Dylan 16:14

I when you and and that's when you when was the last time you actually just sat in your thoughts and didn't write, didn't you just sat right now?

Shannon 16:24

This is like he sits in his thoughts a lot.

Brad 16:26

When she walks out into the garage and I'm just staring at the door.

Shannon 16:30

He did that several times this past week. I'm like, or one day, and I'm like, this is like the second or third time I've came out to the garage and you're just like staring off into space.

Brad 16:39

I was eating mushrooms. What were you processing? I was like, I'm on mushrooms. He was overwhelmed. Those are portobellas, dumbass.

Shannon 16:45

Shut up.

Brad 16:46

These are dry shiiting. Fuck.

Shannon 16:48

He I think was overwhelmed with his space.

Dylan 16:51

I was. I was. So you're analyzing your space. So you were fixing a problem now. You were fixing a problem.

Brad 16:57

I wasn't even really analyzing that, but I was just like uh floating. Like I didn't feel grounded in that space. It was just chaos. What'd you do to get out of it? Uh I came inside and ate mushrooms.

Shannon 17:09

You are a liar. No, you didn't.

Brad 17:10

There are those little ones. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. That you put on the steak.

Shannon 17:14

He is a liar.

Brad 17:15

Yeah, okay. Real I know I'm doing the side quest right now. But since we talked about mushrooms, I've had this I've had this thought several times because since she's on Christmas break and we have leftovers, she likes to cook asparagus and or mushrooms.

Shannon 17:30

I like sauteed vegetables in the morning.

Brad 17:31

Yes. In the morning? Yes. Very French of you. I like it.

Shannon 17:35

I love a vegetable sauteed in the morning.

Brad 17:37

She is very French. That's right. We should like one of them. Several things about her very French.

Dylan 17:40

I'm thinking bread. I'm thinking a nice classic French omelet. A little rare, some asparagus. Yeah. That'd be nice.

Shannon 17:47

Sometimes I don't always mix eggs. I kind of got away from the eggs. I do like that. What did I get that at the Hollandaise? How was I that I got that? With you? Say it out loud, Brad. Say woman. Go to the garage and get it. It's right behind you. Oh, okay.

Brad 18:00

But I bring up the mushrooms because there is a very very what?

unknown 18:05

Oh my god.

Brad 18:06

I don't like the smell of it when it's being cooked. And hear me out. I I know we're gonna go down the tree route a little bit here, but I think mushrooms might be too close to people and it smells like you're cooking people.

Shannon 18:23

No.

Brad 18:25

I just made that up.

Shannon 18:26

It smells like I'm cooking people. Are you sure you're not just smelling like the garlic and the pepper? It doesn't smell like you're cooking people, but is it the asparagus or is it the mushrooms? Which one is it, Brad? Because the asparagus are like little trees.

Brad 18:38

No, asparagus is I don't mind asparagus. But be a moron. Stupid ass jack.

Dylan 18:46

Sorry, not like a dick of this. Tropic thunder.

Brad 18:50

Oh. But what are uh what are those things called where like you're afraid of spiders because your ancestors would get killed by spiders thousands of years ago? What are they called? Genetic genetic genetic biomarkers? Something uh genetic ancestry. No, it's like psych it's like psychology through genetics, like it's passed down.

Shannon 19:12

Yeah, that's above my pay grade. So someone in the child family had an aversion to mushrooms.

Brad 19:16

No, no, no, no, no. Not not like the family, but uh in the sense that we don't uh people don't like steaks because of uh like how they move, and it's just it's not something that you learn, it's something that's built into you almost. Okay. That's how I feel about cooked mushrooms.

Shannon 19:31

Like I'm sorry, I cooked the mushrooms.

Brad 19:33

Something doesn't feel right. Like maybe that mushroom could grow into something else.

Shannon 19:37

Could it?

Brad 19:38

More fungi, genetic predisposition.

Shannon 19:40

Thank you. There you go.

Dylan 19:41

I don't like that. That's not what it is. Okay, never mind.

Shannon 19:44

I don't know that that's it though. Well, maybe it is.

Youth Anxiety Stats And Fact-Checking

Dylan 19:46

I don't know meaning you have inherited tendencies towards the body. Why are we talking about mushrooms, Brad?

Shannon 19:50

Because this was about Brad being in the garage staring off into space. Because I brought up mushrooms. Circle back.

Dylan 19:56

Let's circle back. Sorry. So Brad doesn't feel valuable. Unless he's doing something. I like how you only put this on my name. Oh no, I Dylan feels the exact same way. But it's more fun to analyze you. Yes. So I mean so much so you were in a funk that day. So much so that I bought a goddamn airplane that I have to fucking build because what's more value than that. Is that why you bought it? I needed something for myself, and I didn't have something that was purely just doing it for myself, and that was I was in a little bit of funk because Sean died as well. I think I was in a little it was a combination of things. I felt like I was doing things for people at work, I was doing things for the relationship I was in at the time. Felt like I was doing things for my parents, and I really feel like I had anything for myself. Yeah. And I think really the sole fact was I did it because I heard my parents' voices in my head. I shouldn't say parents, I won't throw that on them. Oh, parents' voice in my head saying, Why the hell would you do that? And I was like, that's the exact reason why I need to do this. I needed to break free a little bit.

Brad 20:56

Um what is Do you get that?

Shannon 20:58

What?

Brad 20:59

Do you get that feeling like when somebody says you can't do that? Oh yeah.

Shannon 21:02

But that wasn't that wasn't it.

Dylan 21:03

Yeah.

Shannon 21:04

No, I get that feeling.

Dylan 21:05

Huh? It wasn't like I'll prove you wrong. It was uh I why did you I'm 34 years old, why am I allowing you to have any say in what I do and don't do?

Brad 21:15

But that seems like a version 2.0 of that feeling.

Dylan 21:18

Uh yeah. It's maybe a little bit more of a mentally fucked version of that, you know. Yeah.

Brad 21:23

I yeah. I always and I I have to I have to wait around that feeling a little bit, especially as a coach.

Dylan 21:31

Ooh, yeah, I guess yeah, that get difficult.

Brad 21:34

Just because I feel like I want to fuck people up all the time.

Shannon 21:38

Oh, do you?

Brad 21:39

I I want to prove that like I can hang with whoever. And the fact that you don't feel that way makes me kind of upset.

Dylan 21:47

What that everyone around you wants to be a freaking all-star?

Brad 21:50

No, that everyone else around me is just like okay with being mediocre.

Dylan 21:53

That's what I'm saying, that they don't want to rise to the occasion or they don't want to they don't want to elevate. So Jesus know ahead of time.

Shannon 22:01

You were tapping away on your mic, so I just thought I could move mine.

Dylan 22:04

Yeah, but I have a nice mic.

Shannon 22:06

I didn't know if it would be better if I tilted it down.

Brad 22:09

So the next part of this is the the part that I have an issue with. And you touched on it a little bit already. The harder people chased their best self, which I we we've talked about, the Arata in the Greek, uh, the further they drifted from their real one. And so if you're talking about this on an Instagram level, there's a lot of fucking problems with that. Yeah, what is your real self? Well, what is your best self?

The “Berlin Paradox” And Self-Improvement

Dylan 22:34

What is your best self? What's your real self in the sense of- What's your best self? Your real self, though. But if you're journaling every day, that's fine, but what the fuck is your real self? That's the thing is if you're journaling every day, you're picking up new skills, you're growing. So is that wrong? I mean, you you have a thousand, I mean, unless you're a and we're not gonna get into Sam Harris right now, okay? We're just going to make certain assumptions, which there's no predestination, okay, because I'm not ready for that conversation. I don't want to do it. Okay. But if we believe that free will, your world's going your way, you it is the multiverse. You have inflection points every millisecond of your life where you can pivot and go somewhere. So it's like, yeah, I if I didn't learn Spanish, I wouldn't be in this situation, but I made the decision one day to learn Spanish.

Brad 23:21

If it weren't for that horse, I never would have finished college. There you go. That's a Lewis Black joke.

Dylan 23:26

I know.

Brad 23:26

Okay.

Dylan 23:27

Yeah. And it just isn't half you know that's just not funny in this context. I know. It is actually. Um, but I can't give you credit because I want to keep you under my thumb. Oh, I didn't make the joke, so okay, that's true. I don't deserve credit. But I think where it goes wrong, as we talked on this a little bit in the last episode, which is you're prepping, prepping, prepping, prepping, but you're not actually doing anything. So it's like I'm constantly learning, I'm constant. My dream is this, so I'm gonna do all the studying and all the hard work ahead of time, but then you never actually go get after the dream, whatever that is. Yes. I think a lot of people will be like, I want to start a business, and they start buying business books and they read, they listen to business podcasts, and god forbid they listen to this podcast. Um, but they never actually go make the first step. And that can be something as simple as going to legalzoom.com and getting an LLC and like, okay, we're on the path. We now what's the next step after that? Um what is that? We could open up a business bank account. Okay. You've got an EIN. Okay. So there's all these like little things, and it's like, yeah, you can study all you want, but I think anyone that has a degree that they use in their job right now, you're not you. I mean you do, maybe to an extent. No, no. But it's like formal education doesn't prep you necessarily for the things you're I mean, this is doctors, lawyers, everything. There's like there's the book way, and then there's real life. And until you step into it, there will be concepts you can apply, but it's very everything is very nuanced. So you have to just throw yourself in at some point and do it. So I think if you're growing and you're doing things, then that's a positive. Okay. But if you're quote unquote growing but not doing anything, are you actually growing? You're just studying. Yes. Which I guess if you just want to be a student, that's fine.

Brad 25:11

So that's a good lead in because what it made me think of a little bit was shrinking.

Shannon 25:16

I love that show.

Brad 25:17

It's so good.

Shannon 25:18

So I need to watch it again, actually.

Brad 25:21

And now that I've won therapy, you didn't win for therapy. I won it.

Shannon 25:26

Winning. Winning. I let you in the winning therapy.

Brad 25:32

The biggest biggly winner.

Shannon 25:34

I wasn't referencing winning like that.

Brad 25:37

But it it does make me think a little bit if uh God, I almost said Jason Sadecas. Um who is it?

Shannon 25:45

Oh my god, blanking on his name right now. Isn't it Jason? It's not Jason's Sedakus. Jason Sudakis, that's Ted Lasso.

Dylan 25:50

Jason. Um why are you doing this to me now? I think we've said it we've said his name so many times on this episode.

Shannon 25:58

I'll tell you. It's Jason Seagal. Seagull.

Brad 26:02

No relation to the Zen Master.

Shannon 26:05

There's three seasons. We gotta get Apple TV back.

Brad 26:08

There's another season?

Shannon 26:09

It says three seasons. Is it out?

Dylan 26:11

It's no, it's not out yet. It's coming out rude. But it makes me just just tell me what you want and I'll get it on it.

Brad 26:17

I'll get you copied it on it. Oh my god. Hey, you know what? Let's not let's not talk about that. It makes me wonder if my therapist was him, where where that would have went.

Shannon 26:28

That'd be something.

Brad 26:28

What?

Shannon 26:29

If she talked to Brad the way Jason's character I can't think of radical.

Dylan 26:33

What does he call it radical therapy?

Brad 26:35

What does he call it? Because he's like, it's gonna catch on. It's gonna catch on.

Dylan 26:39

What's he?

Shannon 26:40

I gotta rewatch it. We should rewind it. We gotta rewatch it.

Dylan 26:43

He calls it radical something. Uh so good.

Brad 26:46

But and Harrison Ford's like, that's not a fucking thing.

Dylan 26:49

No, and it's it's um it's interesting because uh there's a documentary on Netflix and it's not in vogue right now, I don't think, because of Jonah Hill. Excuse me. Jonah Hill produced it. Jonah Hill's in it. For what? What? Is in what? This show called it's a documentary called Studsman. No, I saw it. And it's his therapist. I saw it. And his therapist is that guy. No, I know. And it's he's very controversial in the fact where it's like, just fucking listen to me and your life's gonna be a lot better. Um uh but that documentary is kind of fucked too. Um, yeah. Yeah. I mean, yeah, that's why there's flaws in it.

Brad 27:28

So well, it's it is Hollywood. It is produced and it's not quite as raw as this, but well, this is raw.

Dylan 27:38

I mean, this is a$30 microphone and a$40. Fuck you, that microphone's on$30. Okay. I mean, this is very low, low, lowbrow budget we're working with compared to what they have. But highbrow intelligence. Fuck, that's being generous.

Shannon 27:53

We need to make t-shirts.

Dylan 27:55

Highbrow intelligence?

Shannon 27:56

High low, what do you call it?

Dylan 27:57

Lowbrow budget, highbrow intelligence.

Shannon 27:59

That's actually a really ugly unoblivious lowbrow budget.

Dylan 28:04

Get on it, marketing director. We will give away exactly five.

Shannon 28:08

Why are we giving them away? We need to sell them.

Dylan 28:10

Nobody's gonna fucking buy it. Hey. Oh, sorry. You gotta get the interest in the streets. You gotta peach the interests or free shit. Shannon is our marketing director. No, I forgot.

Shannon 28:18

Okay.

Worthiness, Conditional Love, And Stillness

Brad 28:18

I got a big van. I'll put stickers on.

Shannon 28:20

Make some shirts. I mean, I just see other things pop up that people buy. I can't imagine.

unknown 28:24

Yeah.

Brad 28:25

Kona would wear one.

Dylan 28:26

She likes sweaters.

Shannon 28:27

She does like don't talk to her.

Dylan 28:30

Maybe that would be maybe that would be our in as we do dog apparel first. Love it. Dog parties?

Shannon 28:35

When are we getting sponsors?

Dylan 28:37

I'm working on it.

Brad 28:38

Uh, we're gonna need several zeros in listeners first. Yes.

Shannon 28:44

How many listeners do you have?

Brad 28:46

I had not enough.

Dylan 28:47

It's I don't know.

Brad 28:49

Well, you were one. I gotta scratch my ear. Is it gonna mess up? Not zero, but it's gonna mess up. Don't do that. That sounds terrible.

Shannon 28:56

Did it?

Brad 28:56

Yeah. Oh, good. You could hear it. She's peeking.

Dylan 28:58

She's peeking.

Shannon 28:59

I just had to scratch my ear.

Brad 29:01

Just say it in the mic like this.

Dylan 29:02

Um on topic. So what were we talking about?

Shannon 29:05

Being your best self versus your real self. And maybe your best self is a work in progress. It doesn't have to be a finished product.

Brad 29:13

Do we want to get real with Dylan right now? Mm-mm.

Shannon 29:15

Ooh, this could be fun.

Brad 29:17

Sober Dylan.

Dylan 29:18

Yeah, Sober Dylan. That's an that's a new thing, right? What? Sober Dylan?

Shannon 29:22

No. I just not podcasted with you. I mean, not that you're drunk when you podcast, but maybe.

Dylan 29:27

We've both done it. We've both done it.

Shannon 29:29

That shape of your head looked really uncomfortable, Dylan.

Dylan 29:31

We both do it all the time. There's a little bit of stage fright on the microphone. Not on the microphone.

Shannon 29:37

No, for me. Tell me more about that, Dylan, as you can. Oh shit.

Brad 29:41

She said tell me more about that. I know. That's some counselor shit.

Dylan 29:45

It's you know, it's interesting having your thoughts out in the open. And uh that that I mean, I won't lie, that's one of my biggest hangups with this. And I don't I mean it doesn't really stop me anymore, but when we first started, Brat would call me out. I was reserved.

Shannon 29:57

But you get to control whether it goes on the air or not.

Dylan 29:59

Yeah, I don't really do that anymore. I don't think it's fair to the audience if we talk. I mean, part of part of why only put out Bratz. No, part of what we talk about here is being open and honest and helping each other and trying to find solutions to things that don't really have solutions or finite solutions. And I don't think it's fair to censor that. There was some wacky shit that was said in a few episodes at the very beginning that was definitely cut. Um but other than that, we don't censor probably me.

Brad 30:26

Um and I'll just leave it at that. I gotta send you the Jonah Hill meme every once in a while. I'm like, Yeah, exactly.

Dylan 30:33

Um it's it's hard knowing that this is out there, and then you know, not that I ever wanted never I never want to be in politics or be famous, but if something were to ever happen, it's like, oh, people can go back and look at this. It kind of sticks in the back of my head. That's true.

Brad 30:47

Yeah, that's fine, but I'm also a a little bit of the you know 70s outlaw country where it's like fuck you.

Dylan 30:55

Yeah, I'm getting more and more like that the older I get.

Shannon 30:58

I think age does that to people.

Brad 31:00

I think you get the older you get, the more you uh it does that, and I don't feel like the views that we are putting out are controversial. Yeah, I mean controversial in the sense that they can be debated for sure. Yeah, but not controversial in the sense of like polarizing really hurting like some people's feelings.

Dylan 31:18

I don't know.

Shannon 31:18

I probably can't talk about feelings.

Dylan 31:20

Yeah, I had a I have two parents. All I want to I have a parent that is very keep things close to the chest, don't give people any reason for anything. And apparently you're parents, that's a whole other issue.

Brad 31:33

That's um that's MM, by the way.

Dylan 31:35

But uh so it's a hard, it's kind of a hard childhood habit where it's like we just don't voice things sometimes. So this is cathartic that way.

Brad 31:45

Is it all right? Buckle up, okay.

Shannon 31:47

I could see the uh symbolism in that.

Brad 31:50

So I notice okay. Let me start. Let me soft lunch this.

Dylan 31:55

I have an endy, I've I have a I had an Eddie Van Halen complex where I was definitely having drinks before to chill my nerves, but that's okay.

Brad 32:02

Uh that's fine. I drank a whole bottle of wine before I asked her to marry me.

Shannon 32:05

That you literally left me as the most French thing I've ever heard. Moscato Diosti, baby.

Dylan 32:10

I left her, I left her a glass. The most Italian thing I've ever heard. Is it? I was like, what if she doesn't like this? And by this I mean me. Did you have acid reflux? Dude, with your Crohn's disease, drinking Moscato like that? It's like candy.

Shannon 32:24

He was the sickest he's ever been right before we got married.

Dylan 32:27

Almost died. Yeah. Well, this I mean, it's only it's only fitting that your engagement went off the rails just like your wedding. The wedding didn't.

Shannon 32:34

No. Uh, but he was in the hospital. He had not been in the hospital at all when we dated and went in a month before.

Brad 32:40

Yeah, and then they tried to think there's a correlation. No. Oh. They tried to blame it on my wedding as I'm saying.

Dylan 32:48

I was like, no, I'm stressed because I can't fucking go to work. Yeah. So is that when your first major flare-ups happened? No. Oh, a month.

Shannon 32:57

Uh hospitalized. When we were when we were together. I'm sorry, when we were together.

Brad 33:01

Yeah. Before that, it was just mild flare.

Shannon 33:04

But he had also gone through college and decided to maybe stop some medication and drink.

Brad 33:10

Medication always works. Drinking smoke. Huh? What kind of medication?

Shannon 33:14

Any medication? Of course, Crohn's. I don't know what it was.

Brad 33:17

Probably like a I was on like pills. Anti-inflammatory or something.

Shannon 33:20

I don't know. I don't know. I never saw him take it.

Brad 33:23

I'm not an internalist. Well, because as a uh adolescent, which we watched what did we watch? Can we put we need a little sound thing when I go on side quests.

Shannon 33:32

What am I doing?

Dylan 33:32

Ooh, sidequests.

Brad 33:33

Yeah, side quests.

Shannon 33:36

Survive!

Brad 33:37

Please survive the side quest. Survive the side quest.

Mushrooms, Overwhelm, And Control

Shannon 33:39

You're going through. Go through.

Brad 33:40

It is we were watching The Devil's Climb, which I'm maybe I've talked about it. Mentioned before. Uh we watched it again and she watched it with me. Which I'm last night?

Shannon 33:50

Yeah, I was kind of reading too because it's like a highly anxiety, high anxiety producing.

Brad 33:56

The cinematography and on it is so bananas that it's hard not to watch it.

Shannon 34:02

It's I feel like I would lose it in a theater.

Brad 34:05

It's a climb in Alaska, and it's just, I mean, it feels like you're in the Himalayas. Um, it's really, really pretty. And the fact that they're on top of these mountains is really, really insane. But is it Kyrgyzstan? It's Alaska. Alaska, Delic.

Shannon 34:20

Come on, stick with it.

Brad 34:21

And you know who's not there?

Shannon 34:24

There's a they do talk about it in the show, though. They talk about his little oh sorry.

Brad 34:30

They do they talk about accidental bump. They talk about Tommy Caldwell's uh need to overcome adversity. Like that's what drives him. So there's the kidnapping, and then there's the cutting the finger off.

Shannon 34:42

Cut his finger off I thought I Tommy Caldwell myself the other day.

Dylan 34:45

And then I forgot about that nubbins that he has. Yeah, on his index.

Shannon 34:48

One finger on his index.

Dylan 34:49

Which is nuts too, because when you watch him climb the walls, it's insane. It just he sticks it in there too, and you're like, holy fan.

Brad 34:56

Not only that, but like if you're talking about fingering holds, yeah. Can I say that? You can say that. Okay. Your index and middle mind out of the gutters. Your index and middle are gonna be your go-to.

Dylan 35:06

Yep.

Brad 35:07

Normally, yeah. And so when you remove that, he wrote does he rotate over?

Dylan 35:12

Does he go middle uh ring?

Brad 35:14

Dude, yeah, he just goes Yeah, boom. Yeah. But it's it changes the whole dynamic of your grip. Oh, obviously. Uh but he yeah, he has this real thing of like, I kind of like Alex Honnell does when he was younger. Like he and he talks about this in the end of that movie. Like, I have to have this angst to think that I'm climbing well, and now that I'm older, like I realize I can just do hard shit and be happy. Like, I don't have to be this brooding, you know, uh kind of I think a lot of maybe that's your guys's.

Shannon 35:44

We don't need to be these angsty, brooding old men.

Dylan 35:46

As I I've been working on that lately, I'm not nearly as angsty as I used to be.

Shannon 35:51

You guys are kind of like grumpy old men.

Dylan 35:52

That's true.

Brad 35:53

The movie wait, I can't wait to put fish in your fucking truck. It's just dead fish. Please don't do that.

Shannon 35:59

Why? Like you put dead fish in this truck.

Brad 36:01

Have you not seen grumpy old men?

Shannon 36:03

Well, not in a long time. It's an old movie.

Dylan 36:05

What is that smell? Yeah. No, I I but a lot of high performers find a chip because that's the only it's easier to lean into anger and adversity, I think. It gives you something to rally around. It's it's easier to rally around negativity than it is positivity for whatever reason. But for them with I mean it's Michael Jordan, dude. And he no making up shit. Like no, I understand that. But they were even at the same restaurant together.

Brad 36:30

He made it up just to f but there but there is a difference in when what they're doing at the highest level is defying death, and as they get older, they have families. So I have a wife. Now I have two kids, and uh I have to be careful about using that angst to it'll push it'll push you over the edge eventually. Um but it sounds awesome. Anyways, I I felt uh did I say that out loud? I felt kind of good about it because at 45 he blew his Achilles and then he's out there climbing in a climbing boot and popped it like three more times to the point where it's bolted, which I don't even understand how that works. Yeah, I understand what a bolt is, but how you bolt an Achilles is kind of odd.

Dylan 37:15

I don't know.

Brad 37:16

Um, and I'm like, yeah, I learned that in my 20s when I had my third hernia surgery and went from ran a 5k like three days later. You're like, oh, that's you you should probably back off that a little bit.

Dylan 37:26

So it felt good to learn that these guys don't have the angst the angst anymore?

Brad 37:30

It felt good to learn that I maybe have learned some things that they hadn't yet. Wow.

Dylan 37:34

Potentially. Dude, all the time you're like, we gotta go do hard shit.

Brad 37:37

I'm like, yeah, but I'm not broken, but I'm not broken.

Shannon 37:40

Maybe you're doing hard stuff right now.

Brad 37:42

Oh yeah. So down to Dylan.

Shannon 37:45

See, that's hard stuff.

Brad 37:47

There we go. It's gonna get hard.

Dylan 37:48

Okay. Can't wait. Listen to it.

Shannon 37:50

I immediately saw the panic. Let's go. Dylan's face and his heart rate spike.

Brad 37:58

Just for a little bit.

Shannon 37:59

Do you know how easy this is for me?

Brad 38:00

Yeah, how easy this is how easy this is. And I'm sorry you can't do this. I really am, because I wouldn't have to fucking sit here.

Shannon 38:08

I told you we could just do this and pretend podcast.

Dylan 38:10

No, this is good.

Shannon 38:11

You wanted. This is what you wanted.

Dylan 38:14

I don't remember signing up for this.

Brad 38:16

This is this is directly related to best self, real self. Okay. And and that they're uh maybe, maybe they're the same, maybe they're different in your viewpoints. So we had a holiday party here. Okay.

Shannon 38:28

Hey.

Brad 38:29

But what was that, like two weeks ago now?

Shannon 38:30

Yes. No, it was the Sunday before. It was the winter solstice.

Brad 38:35

It was winter solstice.

Shannon 38:36

It was the two. And the moon was rising far in the east. It was December 21st.

Dylan 38:41

Things were happening. Oh, do we need a pause before we get into it? Yep, now we do. Uh-oh. All right. A little pausey pause. That's two.

Shannon 38:50

All right. So it was the winter solstice.

Dylan 38:52

We're back.

Shannon 38:53

Party. December 21st. Sure.

Brad 38:57

Okay. It was December 21st. Okay. Winter solstice. Two days after my amazing birthday.

Shannon 39:01

Winter solstice.

Brad 39:02

45. Okay. Nope. 44.

Shannon 39:04

Continue on. Holiday party.

Brad 39:05

And Tommy Caldwell's done more. And Dylan got invited because he's part of the family.

Shannon 39:09

Dylan.

Brad 39:10

I did. It was awesome. I felt so loved. And this was a family party.

Shannon 39:13

It was a family party.

Brad 39:14

Literally, nobody else from the outside of the family. No.

Shannon 39:16

I had invited uh my best friend Jennifer, but she had another holiday party. Why didn't you?

Brad 39:20

Uh uh, but she didn't show up. So she's not part of the family.

Shannon 39:23

She said she would have if she could have.

Brad 39:24

Well, she might be part of the family if she listens to this.

Shannon 39:26

She actually just sent I sent her a picture and she guess what uh picture she sent me, the OG podcasters. What? I think you know what it is.

Brad 39:34

I don't know who's at.

Shannon 39:35

Well, this is a really special time for us. She's also someone that enjoys shuddy balls. Okay. Okay.

Brad 39:43

That's actually a radio show, by the way. Um okay.

Shannon 39:46

So, anyways, Dylan was invited to the family party.

Dylan 39:50

Uh oh.

Shannon 39:50

Why didn't I he's he's under it. He's oh he's caught on the corn.

Dylan 39:54

He he is that was close. We had the dogs rip the podcast gears off. The table.

Shannon 40:01

It was really kilo, let's be honest here.

Dylan 40:04

I was able to hit the pause button beforehand, but I can't wait to listen to this one. The playback that it would be really funny. So this is our life. Oh, what how did I get so dusty?

Brad 40:12

So Jesus. Oh, fine home building.

Shannon 40:15

Oh, Dylan.

Brad 40:16

Yeah, it's been down there a while. Sorry about that.

Dylan 40:18

Pardon my language to all the Christians out there. Happy Hanukkah.

Shannon 40:21

Jesus will forgive you.

Dylan 40:22

Dylan was at the party.

Shannon 40:24

Was at the family party.

Dylan 40:25

Your microphones and I've been listening to you right now. What do you mean? Oh no. Oh no. Uh-oh. Oh, okay. Sorry. It's been recording. I just couldn't hear you.

Brad 40:32

You were okay. You're good. Oh, all right. And when you are around new people, oh, I was gonna soft launch this. When Shannon talks to somebody that's kind of new or doesn't really know us great, and this is not just you, this is most women. I feel like you're going to give me a really bad grade for my entry into your family. No, no, I'm not gonna give you a bad grade. Okay. They use a different voice. Have you noticed this?

Shannon 40:56

You said that when we did like when we were COVID and like I'd have to work from home or whatever, you would talk about my voice, my school voice is different than my home voice.

Dylan 41:05

Okay.

Brad 41:06

And and men do it too. Like if I was on a call with a client, yeah, you my voice would be a little bit like.

Shannon 41:11

If you have your client voice, when I meet you and you're new, I would be nicer to you.

Brad 41:16

But women have a noticeably different level of that, I feel like. Oh, do we? Yeah, well, you can go higher. Oh like your voice goes higher.

Dylan 41:24

God, and I just want to play creed in the worst way right now.

Brad 41:27

Higher? Okay, I got it. I got it. Okay. Don't do it.

Radical Therapy, Stutz, And T-Shirts

Dylan 41:30

Okay, I won't.

Brad 41:31

Um so you don't go higher per se. You do go louder. I'm a I'm a really I'm a really loud person. I don't know what to do.

Dylan 41:42

Not all the time.

Brad 41:43

Not all the time, but just when you're not comfortable.

Dylan 41:45

Uh I was comfy.

Brad 41:47

Which is kind of ironic. I was not not comfy at your no, I under I understand.

Shannon 41:52

You did squat on the floor for a while, which made me uncomfortable.

Brad 41:55

Yeah, I because I like doing things to make the just uncomfortable.

Shannon 41:58

I got that.

Brad 41:59

There is a noticeable difference between uh uh let's even say podcast Dylan versus people that don't know you, Dylan.

Dylan 42:07

Okay.

Brad 42:08

That makes sense? Yeah. And w what are you what are you breaking down? What do we what are your thoughts? I I think in the so we've we've talked about consistency and patterns.

Dylan 42:18

Okay.

Brad 42:18

In the two I mean, we've almost been doing this two years, not quite two years. I think in April or something was was maybe our first recording. Not published, but recording. Yeah, I'd have to. So getting close. We're getting there. Uh there's there's been a lot of growth, I think, in both of us, but in you in particular, finding and being more comfortable in the real self. And uh I see that maybe a lot more than anybody else. Potentially. Does that make sense?

Dylan 42:49

No, it doesn't make sense. I I don't try to think of what context. The protective layers on the on the podcast, like when I'm here at your house with new people.

Brad 42:57

No, just kind of in general, like when we yeah, I mean, I I feel like I get more of that than maybe maybe anybody else does. So there's a comfort level of you just being you. And you've said this recently with some happenings in your personal life where you're like, you know, uh there's no judgment and and this and that. And and I'm like, yeah, that's fantastic. That's that's what you're going for, right? Like that's that's where you want to be at. Like it's it's not it's not a show, it's not uh uh a thing to impress anyone, it's not something to just talk about so that you know you and and again, we all do this. Like we all I did this at at a Christmas thing very recently, where you just do the thing so that everybody else feels comfortable. You play the bit, you know? Yeah, it's it's not even really about you feeling comfortable, it's just about everybody else. Like, I don't want to fucking deal with this, so like I'm just gonna make you feel comfortable so that I don't say the shit that's actually on my mind, which is gonna blow this entire thing up. Right. Yeah, no, I know I know that for sure. So yeah, so there's some of the and and not like you you have to do would have to do that all the time or whatever, but that's the the role that we fall into sometimes, and it's it's been really nice seeing more of that out of you. Yeah.

Dylan 44:21

I kind of want to talk about earlier. I so yeah, I definitely act differently depending on the groups. I I'm very contextual and very what are my what are my parameters, what are my boundaries, what are the social circumstances?

Shannon 44:34

Um but I think a lot of people do that. A lot of people do that, yeah. I think most people do.

Dylan 44:38

Yeah. Um, but uh it was, you know, kind of like I was talking about raising a fuss or you know, staying reserved in some sense, and you don't need to tell all your stuff and you know keep things close to the chest. I've always been kind of raised that way, so it's just probably the German side of my family. Uh but a Schlieffen? It's definitely not the Schlieffen plan. Yeah. We're definitely talking about Schlieffen. We're definitely talking post-World War One, pre-World War II right now.

Brad 45:06

Oh, yeah, the real like angsty.

Best Self Versus Real Self

Dylan 45:09

Yeah, the brooding, uh post-mustard gas. You don't think we're good enough? Exactly. Yeah. Uh maybe not like exactly, but yes. Um but uh yeah, I don't know. It's something I've been working on the past six, eight months in particular has been I don't like I I seek validation. And one of the things like being busy and like you and I talking productivity is I seek validation to those closest to me. There's maybe eight people in this world that I genuinely care there about their opinion of me. I think the vast majority of public, I I will say I don't. That's probably a five or six-year thing. I used to really kind of be concerned about that when I was younger, but I've just kind of learned that you're never gonna make anyone happy and you're just gonna drive yourself nuts. But I do seek validation from those closest to me. And when I don't feel like I'm receiving it, one of the reasons that I I work as hard as I work, and one of the reasons that I pick up as many hobbies as I can and do wild and crazy shit sometimes where it's like, oh, you did this or you've accomplished this. And it's like, yeah, I don't even know if I'm doing it for myself half the time. I just want I need people to be proud of me for whatever reason. Those eight-ish people.

Shannon 46:15

Do you think you need to be proud of you?

Dylan 46:17

Oh, yeah. I need to be. Yeah, no, and that's something I've been working on the past six-ish months is doing things for me and not compromising with who I am for other people and just being okay with loss that comes with that, that you know, accepting whatever happens. And you know, when you start to it's that stupid thing, which is it's it's better to be disliked for who you are than it is to be liked for who you're not, because it's and you know, I think uh Atlas Shrugged gets into this. There's that diatribe of Hank Reardon talking about not wanting to be a liar and I'm not gonna hide this. It's that it's when him and Dagny sleep with each other, right?

Shannon 46:54

Oh, I hadn't got to that part yet.

Dylan 46:56

Did it whoopsie, and spoiler alert No one told me it was a romance novel.

Shannon 47:00

I would have been a little bit more than that.

Dylan 47:01

It's been out for 60 years. But it's it's the whole like the moment you create a lie, the people that you lied to now own you. You've given your you've given your power away because Okay, so here here's what I will say. And I'm just I'm going a little bit deeper than what it is. Like I don't I've never lied to anyone, but it was always like I just be a little bit more reserved about who I was or my thoughts on things.

Brad 47:24

Uh I think the difference is not the lying, because I don't because you don't do that. Hopefully. I know. But I would say like I I think based on the past and and upbringing and all, I mean all the things that we've talked about in the past, like the things that you talk about in a social gathering with people that are unfamiliar with you are things that sound good and are not yeah, they're not lies. Yeah, they just sound good, right? Yeah, but the things that we would say in a similar conversation, you say different things and give examples. I want examples. I find more more interesting and more uh I definitely speak my mind more on here than I used to.

Shannon 48:10

I think it just depends on who you're around and who you're comfortable with. I think everyone does that though. Like we could be around you guys, probably talk differently to each other when I'm sitting here versus when that's a bad example. You're the one that came up with it.

Brad 48:26

I I just I just mean that like I find who I believe your true self to be or truer self, not true, you know, truer self, uh, to be more uh worthy than the person that you portray yourself to be to people that don't know you. Does that make sense? Yeah, I self-deprecate to an extent.

Sober Dylan, Vulnerability, And Publishing

Shannon 48:47

Basically, Brad's saying before you settle down with anyone, he needs to vet the person and be around how you act around them before things get. I think that's what needs to happen because he's gonna be that's that's obviously what she's saying.

Brad 49:03

That was a joke, okay, but so so there's that, and then I think compared to not compared to, but like it in in contrast to me, I don't know. Maybe maybe my best self versus real self is something that's like my best self is m hidden more so because I I I'm what do you try to say? Terrifying. I don't know. I'm very confused right now. But yeah, but I've seen yours.

SPEAKER_05 49:31

Mine's just like, I don't know if I can be good enough to get anything, buddy.

Dylan 49:35

So I'm like, shut up, Brad. Are you real are you real self Eddie Murphy? Yeah, yeah, I am.

Brad 49:42

Um no, no, Jesus. This is about you. This is not about me. Okay, so last statement.

Shannon 49:47

Oh my gosh.

unknown 49:48

Okay.

Brad 49:48

Yeah. How do you feel about this? Do you feel like you have a real self, best self? I feel like Shannon's Shannon.

Shannon 49:53

I feel like everyone does a little bit of code switching depending on who they're around.

Brad 49:56

No, that's for sure. That's that's really obvious.

Shannon 49:59

I don't think that there's a final best self. That's what I'm saying. I think it's a constant work in progress.

Dylan 50:04

No, I understand that. And it's a little bit braving the wilderness in the sense of being authentic in every situation. You can I think you you have to be fully authentic all the time. You have to socially adapt. Yes. But you can also be authentic with inside that adaptation. Yes. Which you know there's a time and a place. And it's it's one of those. It's like, why am I going to engage this person in this conversation? Because I already know ahead of time it's not going to be, it's not going to end well. And is anything gonna be accomplished? No. So like you don't need to always hit people head on with your authentic self. It's like my authentic self is I know who I am, what I am, what I'm rooted in. I also am smart enough to know that this is going to go nowhere, and I'm gonna be the bigger person.

Shannon 50:46

I mean, maybe somebody's real self is just they like to they like conflict.

Dylan 50:50

And then every once in a while, people need to get bitch slapped.

Shannon 50:52

They might.

Dylan 50:53

Yeah, let them.

Shannon 50:54

What if they think that's their best self though? So that by whose perspective are we going from?

Brad 51:00

This is the very this is the very last statement. We've become the best self-zars. Done right now. The healthiest people aren't the ones who takes he was on a roll.

Shannon 51:08

Let him go. Okay. Which one? You okay.

Brad 51:11

The healthiest people aren't the ones who heal the most, they're the ones who stop seeing themselves as broken.

Dylan 51:18

Yeah, no, that's that's real.

Brad 51:20

Okay, but also what if you never see yourself as broken and you're a real piece of shit? You're a narcissist then.

Shannon 51:26

Ah, there we go.

Brad 51:27

So so then that's where uh the farther along you get into this, then you see all these things where it's like, yeah, but we can go down so many lanes and self-down. There's some pretty nuanced roads down here. Yeah, I mean, I could think of some people right off the bat where like some.

Dylan 51:43

Oh no, where's Martin at?

Brad 51:44

Well, it was oh god. You want to come on here and do a real real self-talk? Uh no. He would he would hide hard pass.

Shannon 51:56

Yeah, he would go silent. Silence. Radio silent.

Brad 52:00

What's that guy? But there, but there's yeah, I mean, true narcissists. It's like, I'm I am not just my real self. I'm my best self. I can't be a better self. And I was like, Yeah, but you're a fucking piece of shit. Yeah, I don't I don't see it that way. So there there there is uh there is that a little bit uh you gotta have some self-awareness.

Dylan 52:21

Okay. But life lessons. No, that's not bad, I guess. Yeah. I I don't that was that wasn't the hot seat. That was easy. Uh you guys pumped me up for nothing. Now I got an adrenaline spike. Did you miss that part?

Shannon 52:36

Soft launch. She's just building you up for some of the.

Dylan 52:39

I felt like I was pretty funny at your guys' Christmas party. I'm not saying I feel like I talked about things.

Shannon 52:44

I mean, I you know what? I think my lot of sexual innuendos. Give me 30 seconds and I'll I'll make up on it. I think we said I think I made a comment about maybe becoming Buddhist, and then my mom said maybe she would look into being uh Jewish, and then somehow we started talking about circumcision.

Dylan 53:01

I did bring that up. That was my bad.

Shannon 53:03

No, that was actually my favorite part of the whole party because we all went in for it. And yeah, we did.

Dylan 53:09

It was funny.

Shannon 53:09

And I was there for it.

Dylan 53:11

The ladies loved it, by the way.

Shannon 53:12

The ladies were into it.

Dylan 53:13

But it was all started asking me questions. Who knew? Who knew it was so controversial? I think it was just it was a great combo. It's a great party.

Shannon 53:22

And just like that, as my grandpa would say.

Dylan 53:24

The title of this episode is How to Be Circumcised.

Shannon 53:27

Okay, but just tell me when you're ready to go out, because I've got the closing.

Dylan 53:31

Okay, we're I think we're ready to go. You give me the closing.

Shannon 53:34

Uh, in the words of my grandpa Russell, we're wow.

Dylan 53:39

Okay. I I think that one's okay to put on the air. We'll be good. Yeah, we're we're good. We're good. We're good.

Shannon 53:44

Am I gonna get in trouble for that? Nope. Okay, okay. I mean, I need my job.

Dylan 53:48

We'll we'll we'll figure that out.