So.... I'm Adopted Podcast!
This podcast creates a space for genuine conversations about adoption, where emotions are acknowledged, journeys are reconciled, and a healthy acceptance of truths is fostered. Delve into the impact of adoption on all parties involved, gaining insights from adoptees, adoptive parents, biological parents, as well as professional psychologists and social workers. Explore the realities, reconciliation processes, and ongoing dynamics of adoption.
So.... I'm Adopted Podcast!
Resilience and Self-Discovery in Adoption Journeys
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Imagine uncovering hidden family truths and forming unbreakable bonds across unexpected paths. Join us, John and Lisa, in a heartfelt exploration of adoption, identity, and the relationships that shape our lives. This episode features the inspiring Kalila Scott Sumners, who offers a deeply personal glimpse into her adoption journey. From being embraced as a "chosen child" to the emotional complexities of meeting biological family members, Kalila's story is one of resilience, love, and self-discovery. Listen as we highlight the significance of maintaining a positive narrative about one's origins and the journey of reconnecting with biological roots.
Kalila's candid reflections reveal the joys and challenges of adoption, emphasizing the importance of understanding one's lineage, especially during major life events like marriage and pregnancy. As we share our own personal growth stories and aspirations for 2025, we also honor notable adoption figures such as Josephine Baker and President Gerald Ford. Their stories, along with Kalila's, demonstrate the profound connections and unique experiences fostered through adoption. This episode sheds light on the emotional journeys of adoptees, the yearning for familial connection, and the unexpected blessings that come with navigating these complex relationships.
Explore the intricate dynamics of adoption and family as we discuss the challenges of uncovering hidden truths and the emotional struggles tied to meeting biological parents. We delve into the universal longing for belonging and the balance between loyalty to adoptive families and acceptance from biological roots. Through personal anecdotes and powerful exchanges, we underscore the need for support, understanding, and celebrating the enduring resilience of adoptive families. Join us for an illuminating conversation on the unbreakable bonds formed through adoption and the lifelong impact on identity and relationships.
Music by Curtis Rodgers IG @itsjustcurtis
Produce and Edited by Lisa Sapp
Executive Producer Lisa Sapp
Executive Producer Johnnie Underwood
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Welcome to the so I'm Adopted podcast, where we talk everything adoption. This journey is not one we take alone. Together, we grapple with raw emotions that surface from adoption stories. We want you to be comfortable enough to heal, so sit back and go with us on this journey as we dive deep into adoption. Welcome to another episode of so I'm Adopted. I'm John.
Speaker 2And I'm Lisa.
Speaker 1And we want to welcome you to our newest episode on the podcast. Thank you again for investing time. Hit that like button. Hit that share button to our newest episode on the podcast. Thank you again for investing time. Hit that like button, hit that share button. This is an opportunity for just individuals to talk about non-traditional relationships. This started with a, and I always give Lisa the credit for being the brainchild of this. Yeah, she was consistent and that's why we are here doing what we do. So again, thank you, you're welcome. Happy new year. Happy New Year.
Speaker 1This is the first time that we are sitting down in 2025.
Speaker 2Yes, and we're looking for great things to take place in 2025.
Speaker 1I'm excited, absolutely. Any New Year's resolutions or anything. Do you do that?
Speaker 2No, I don't really do that.
Speaker 1Okay, all right, any New Year's changes or promises or things that you're going to do?
Speaker 2differently. Continue doing this, and one of the things I did say was try and be more intentional with the relationships with my biological siblings. Awesome, what about you.
Speaker 1So one is my health. I actually went to the doctor today. I have AFib, just FYI, and yeah. But my doctor today was like you've lost 40 pounds, okay, my blood pressure was 112 over 72. And he said I don't need to see you for two years. And this is my cardio. Oh good, was ecologist, whatever, it's the heart doctor, that's what we call it cardiology, yeah, cardiologist. So he said everything's good, you don't have any signs or symptoms okay um, you know.
Speaker 2So continue doing what you do and I go back in two years well, that's a great praise report right there, absolutely, so that is me good job trying to make sure that my health is good.
Speaker 1Okay, the other thing and it was just confirmed like three situations a day. I got to do something with regards to men's mental health. That is my, that's what I'm landing on. I got to figure out how to do it, so I'm speaking it so that I can be held accountable to it. That's good so be looking for something with that with regards to embedding the spiritual aspect, the mental health aspect and then the behavioral aspect. That's good, John, that's really good. I think that is the cape that I'm going to be wearing.
Speaker 2But I'm excited about what you know. We have some things that we are thinking about doing this year. Oh, absolutely so, you know. Stay tuned, as the year continues to progress. Even though it's January, it's almost about February. This month is almost over.
Speaker 1February is a great year. I mean a great month. Is that your birthday month? Birthday month, it's our guest's birthday month too. Oh, okay. And Jayla's birthday month? Oh, birthday month, it's our guest birthday month too, but okay, and jayla's birthday month? Oh, it's my mom's birthday month, yeah, good stuff, yeah, so who's your famous person? We always start our podcast with a famous adoptive person, just to bring some light to um individuals in the culture. Yes, so who's your famous person?
Speaker 2so this time I took someone who was an adoptive parent.
Speaker 1OK, all right.
Speaker 2And Josephine Baker. Oh, she adopted 12 children and she called them her rainbow tribe because she she adopted them from various different places.
Speaker 1But you know, josephine Baker, the famous singer Dip the toe in the water. Shut it down.
Speaker 2Shut it down and she was a spy. She was a spy at the time. So I'm trying to figure out would she have time to adopt 12 kids.
Speaker 1I remember the Josephine Baker story on HBO. I had to sneak and watch it. I don't want to eat the fruit. You know what?
Speaker 2I'm saying that was a powerful song.
Speaker 1That's a good one. I did not know that about her, my person, and I'm going to read it because it floored me. Their name is Leslie Lynch King Jr, but you know who this person is. He was adopted when he was 16 days old and his parents went their separate ways. A couple of years later, king's mother remarried and they changed Leslie Lynch King Jr's name to Gerald Rudolph Ford Jr. Really yeah, that's right, I mean President Ford.
Speaker 2President Ford, yes, really yeah that's right, general, I mean President Ford Really had no clue, wow.
Speaker 1Had no clue. It's always a nugget. You never know who's in the culture.
Speaker 2You don't know. You don't know, or a contributor of the you know, or a supporter of the culture. That's right, josephine Baker, that floored me.
Speaker 1Yes, and again, it's all about the non-traditional relationships and this platform to bring light to it and give us a safe space for people to talk about it and ask questions, because one thing that we don't do in our culture is we don't ask questions and we sweep things under the rug. So that's why I'm just excited about this platform and I'm just always going to say thank you for pushing to make it a reality.
Speaker 2Well, thank you for accepting the challenge. Absolutely yes.
Speaker 1Yes. So today we have a guest, a good friend of mine from Hampton University. Ok, kalila, I always call her Kay Scott. She's married. I don't want to be disrespectful. She's always Kay Scott in my heart, but her name is Kalila Scott Sumners, and it's so interesting.
Speaker 1We met after I stopped playing football and we were in class together and it just was an organic relationship where it was that sister brother vibe, an organic relationship where it was that sister brother vibe and I remember we had class together. Then I ended up seeing her at the ebony showcase. That's a whole different conversation. We just were we're vibing, because we had a lot of things that were parallel and normally as a male you don't find a young lady that has that type of mentality where her dad had made sure that she was on top of her game. Okay, she was very much locked in and you couldn't run willie bobo on her. So when we got to to talk and it was just like, oh, that's how you think, that's how I think. And then it became like she was the secondary mother because she'd be like John, what you doing, you need to be doing X, y and Z.
Speaker 2She kept you straight Straight and narrow.
Shared Adoption Stories and Bonds
Speaker 1She kept me straight and narrow and she just always had that ability. Even after we graduated she got married and I got married. We still were bonding and I remember when she told me that you know she had found her first family. Okay, in that journey we both identified early on and I'm sure maybe she can remember when that conversation first came up about adoption. But that was like the icing on the cake, just us being just parallel spirits, her family I love him dearly, my family got there dearly and it was just a perfect, perfect mix. I'm excited for her to come on and share her story.
Speaker 2I'm excited to hear it. Her story is amazing.
Speaker 3Let's get her on in here.
Speaker 1Thank you, first and foremost, for coming on. Thank you for having me. I was saving the bag. I was like I know I got one. The big joke I'm going to play. I'm going to wait and save it.
Speaker 3Come on first of the year.
Speaker 2Yes, that's right.
Speaker 1So I'm trying to remember. Do you remember how the conversation came up about us both sharing that we were adopted?
Speaker 3I think, just like you said when you all were doing your intro, we always had a just like a brother sister relationship. There was never anything crazy. It was always John's my brother, I'm his sister and we're going to look out for each other. And I was there from Ohio in Virginia, and his family was close in Richmond, and so there was a weekend or two where he would say come home with me, you can sleep in my room, I'll sleep wherever you slept, I don't even know I was in your room, I'll sleep in the other room. I don't know.
Speaker 3Yeah, and it was like you can wash your clothes. My mom's going to cook a Sunday dinner. I think I might have gone to church once or twice and we just maybe had a conversation on your parents' back deck about just where we, how we got to Hampton, what it looks like, and I and I know like I'm an open book, and I probably said, yeah, you know I'm adopted and I I feel like I remember you being like I am too, but it was like a whisper not a whisper and I didn't understand that, because within my family it was an open, uh conversation.
Speaker 3Just no, my parents always said you're a chosen child. We didn't just accidentally fall into the you. You know, we had to work and we had, we had to go to these classes and do these things. So adoption for me was always something that I wore very proudly.
Speaker 1But I remember that you being like just don't say it too loud- you know what I'm reflecting back, and I think there was a period in college where I didn't know how to address it.
Speaker 3Yeah, whereas I grew up with it as an open conversation.
Speaker 1Now I grew up with it being open, so everybody knew. But I didn't have to be honest. You may have been the first person that I met that was adopted.
Speaker 3Or that was openly adopted.
Speaker 1No just that I could have a conversation with, that was wrestling, or that was adopted.
Speaker 3Like trying wrestling, because at that point there was no, it was just. You know how it feels to be adopted. You're a person and you live in a family that loves you and cares for you and nurtures you and gives you every opportunity, cares for you and nurtures you and gives you every opportunity, but there's no one that quite looks like you. There's no one that quite has the same toes or fingernails or just those small things that you just look for, um, and so I think that that deepened our bond in a way that was like oh okay, so we can really talk about feeling lost in the space where we should feel safe.
Speaker 2Right, because y'all can relate to each other. Yeah, so how old were you when you, I guess when they first told you how old were you, and how old were you when they adopted you?
Speaker 3I was in foster care from birth to nine months. My bio mom left me at the hospital. From birth to nine months, my bio mom left me at the hospital. So I was in foster care in Kentucky for about nine months and at that time in the seventies, they were trying to place black families or black children with black families. There was a white family that wanted to adopt me. My parents came in and said, nope, that's our girl.
The Journey to Discovering Biological Roots
Speaker 3And so that white family did not have the opportunity to adopt me, although they had fostered me from probably A week until I was nine months. But my mother, who was a social worker and had gone through the process and learned very early you need to tell her her story before she finds out. You need to tell her her story before she finds out. So I always knew there were bedtime stories of you were chosen. Yes, you know, I'm not your belly mom, but me and your dad saw you and we wanted you and my dad wanted a boy. His name was going to be Khalil, hence they just added an A-H. They didn't even get Khalil. I was like really, wow, okay, so it was. It was always a story that was very open within my family, or like my nuclear family Now, my mom's, my, my mom's, my mom's mom, my grandmother, my aunts and them. No one really spoke about Kalila being adopted. She was just ours. No one really spoke about Kalilah being adopted.
Speaker 2She was just ours.
Speaker 3So nobody in the family ever spoke about it, but my mom, my dad and I. It was not a secret, gotcha.
Speaker 1So I heard you say your belly mom. Is that what you said? Yeah, I love that.
Speaker 2I've never heard that phrase before, but I love it Because she spoke to you in the age that you were Right as a little girl.
Speaker 3It was. I'm not your belly mom, but your belly mom really did a. You know. She always in my mind and John knows this, and I've told this story before. I always thought my biological mom was obviously Whitney Houston, because I'm gorgeous in my brain, right?
Speaker 2It's.
Speaker 3Whitney, I would have introduced y'all to her. But I say that to say my parents did such a good job of allowing me to understand that my biological mom made the greatest sacrifice that she could ever make to make sure that they were parents. She was never vilified. It was never. You know, she was this poor girl who didn't want you and couldn't take care of you. It was always. She's the greatest person in the world. Who else would do this? Who else would make the sacrifice? And so I was a Whitney fan, so I just thought it was her.
Speaker 2Okay, can you sing like Whitney? I would I would be somewhere. I'm a huge. I'm from Jersey, whitney's from my husband's from Jersey.
Speaker 3I'm a huge I'm a huge Whitney fan. If I could sing, I would be somewhere living life other than being Hamptonians, we got something else in common.
Speaker 2Oh yeah, I'm a fan.
Speaker 3Yes, me too. I used to tell people just call me Nippy. But that's that thing that you do as an adopted child you want to hang your hat somewhere. And so you figure out in your mind oh, you make up stories because there was no story. Although I found out that there was a story, there was a whole, that whole non-identifying medical information that you have access to it was there.
Speaker 3I think that my parents just felt like we want to build this life with her and make sure that she's safe before she accesses that information, and so I didn't get to that.
Speaker 1Did they notice the story before you found out? Oh, yeah. Okay.
Speaker 3Yeah.
Speaker 1So that's where the protection part came in, I guess.
Speaker 3Yeah, and as much as a teenager in my mind, I would think you know when you get in trouble or something happens, you're not even my mama, You're not even my dad.
Speaker 3I never said that out loud but in my mind, like my mama would have let me go to the skating rink because she's cool, you know cause you make that other person just this, you know person that would do and be amazing. But I'm, as I look back, I'm glad that I didn't have access to that information, because I wasn't emotionally intelligent or self-aware at the time to deal with the repercussions of what may come with knowing that information.
Speaker 1Right, right. So let's let's jump into. You are young girl, you already know. Were there any times because it was so normalized, because it was so positively spoken about? Were there any times that outside peers, friends or family members created an opportunity where it was a dig or something negative with it?
Speaker 3Never, never. It was such a I think my mother had such a fertility journey, um, because they didn't get me until they were 35 and 36 so at that time that was a little older to be having children and my mother had been through um, ivf and and you know rhythm method and all the things to try to have a baby. So I think by the time I came into the family it was thank God, you know, we have this baby. I look very much like my parents. John knows my mom. I look very much like her, my mom. I look very much like her. People used to tease her that she told my daddy that I wasn't, that she went somewhere and got pregnant. I was very much like my mother, which is the craziest thing. I do remember that my mother would say that my father's mother would tell her you couldn't even have a kid oh wow.
Speaker 3So that was her wound. She never my grandmother on my dad's side never treated me any differently. But as I got older my mother would say my, your, my mother-in-law would always say and you couldn't even make a baby. Say and you couldn't even make a baby. Oh, that's so hurtful. So for her that was a wound that I didn't experience. Thankfully, I never experienced that. You're not ours, you're not our blood, never that. And if it did happen, my parents a hundred percent shielded me from that.
Speaker 2Right, Right. So at what age did you start to be curious as to who you know, your biological family?
Speaker 3was. I think we're always curious, but I think it did. It wasn't relevant to my life until I got married and we started thinking about having children and I had a miscarriage. And then I had my 21 year old and so when I was pregnant with her, it was kind of touch and go and I was like, wow, I wonder if anybody in my biological families experienced this thing, cause there was no, was no. You know, I didn't have any medical issues, none of that. So I had no medical uh history. So you know, you go in and you put NA on everything because you don't even know that's right um, and got through that pregnancy, everything was fine.
Speaker 3Then I had four miscarriages between my 21 year old and my 15 year old, and when I got pregnant with him I was like, okay, I'm tired of this NA stuff. I need to figure out what's going on because, quite honestly, I want a little boy. I was like I need a boy. You know, we got one of each. We got a boy, we got a girl. God don't make no other flavors. So let's figure out what's going on. And so when I was pregnant with my now 15-year-old is when I got really busy and I hired a private investigator. Do you remember that show, troy the Locator. All adoptees love that show. Every adoptee I ever talked to was like, oh my God, yes, I cry.
Speaker 3One of the investigators on Troy the locator is a private investigator in her own right, and so I hired her. Ok, I hired her when I was pregnant with my son. I was about six months pregnant with him and I hired a private investigator because I couldn't, I didn't have access to. You know, all adoptions prior to 1980 were closed, right. And so I didn't have any information and it wasn't open. It wasn't. Like you know, I didn't, I don't know, maybe I went the easy route. I didn't search and do all the things that I could have done, so I hired a private investigator is what I did.
Speaker 2Okay.
Family Reunion Journey Unfolds
Speaker 1So with now you're at a place where you are having your. Well, let me back up with you being in the adoption world. How do you think it impacted you as a wife? Did it have any impacts?
Speaker 3I think my husband was always aware that there was this unspoken potential medical problem. You know, when you lose children, you lose children, you lose children. And I'm like I don't even. You know, I'm just a normal 26, 27, 28, 29, 33. When I finally had Mason, um, you're old, and so what's going on? Um? At the same time, in his own life, he had some um challenges with his birth father.
Speaker 2Okay.
Speaker 3And I think, and and not that he wasn't adopted out or anything like that, but I think me taking the initiative and going the steps and figuring out what is my biological lineage really encouraged him to to reach back and and create a relationship with his father, which he did. That's awesome, which was huge, yeah. So there's a, there's a kind of crazy candy story that I'll tell if, if I can the the lady that I hired as a private investigator Her name was Linda and she got all my information Say this was January-ish of 2009. So she called me on um in February, like February 22nd 2009, because my birthday is the 26th. So I remember, because you know, you just remember.
Speaker 3And so she said you know you're adopted through this which I knew, um this Lutheran social services. This is your birth mom's name dah, dah, dah, dah dah. So I call Lutheran Social Services on the phone and I said hey, my name is Kalila Sumners or Scott Sumners. I was adopted in March of 78. And you know, I'm looking for my non-identifying medical information because I didn't have it at the time. The lady on the phone says are your parents Henry and Pat?
Speaker 1Mm, come on, just like that Come on.
Speaker 2I said just off of your name.
Speaker 3I'm at the office and I was like girl, are you the secretary? Why are you asking? How would you know? And she said today is my last day. Oh, I am packing up my office. Our, our secretary is not here, but I remember you, oh. And I said how do you remember me? She said you were the first African American child I adopted out, after as a social worker, after I got my master's Come on oh yeah, that would be significant oh.
Speaker 1I got chills.
Speaker 2Oh, wow.
Speaker 3He said I remember you, your mom and dad. Your dad was a teacher. He was going on to study to be an administrator. I always knew my dad to be a principal, Right, I'm like, yeah, knew my whole family story but couldn't share anything with me because it was closed. Her name was Linda, so Linda the locator, and then the social worker or the private detective found my biological mother.
Speaker 3Her name was Linda. I said what the hell? So it was just one of those God things. It really was like the right moment when I picked up the phone and said I should call. It was just like that. And so when I got that information from the social worker or the private detective who had found my biological mother, she said you know, this is her information, this is who she is, this is her phone number. I'm like, oh my gosh, I can't call her.
Speaker 2This is who she is. This is her phone number. I'm like, oh my gosh, I can't call her.
Speaker 3I mean, what do I say? So they didn't like call her first, because we know what a private investigator, because it was the investigator found her.
Speaker 1Yeah, so it's like here's the information, you do it. What you want versus a social worker who has to follow certain things.
Speaker 3She said I wish I could help you, I just can't Follow certain things. She said I wish I could help you, I just can't. And so I had my biological, biological mother's phone number, for that was like the 22nd.
Speaker 3I had it for about seven days and just kept it by my bedside and really prayed about it. Went out for my birthday, came back home the 27th or 28th and I called. She answered and I said may I speak to Linda? And she said yeah, yeah, yeah, this is her. You know who's this? And I said my name's Kalila. I think that I'm your daughter, but maybe not, because you never know what space somebody's in. And that was a bold call to make. Anyway.
Speaker 1But I can see you doing that.
Speaker 3Yeah, because you know me. And she's like no, I didn't have a daughter. And I said, ok, well, if you did, because if I did I would want to know that that child is safe, because if I did, I would want to know that that child is safe. I said I am safe. I have a six year old daughter. I have a little boy on the way he's doing June. And if this is not a good time for you, that's fine. But if I were in your shoes I don't know if these are the shoes that you're in, but I want to know that my daughter is safe. I had a great life.
Speaker 2And she said your birthday was the 26th. You just gave her too much for her not to say that she had a daughter. Wow, and.
Speaker 3I said okay. I said if this is not a good time in your life, if you are not in the headspace, if this is not what you want to do, I'm okay. I just want you to know I'm okay and you're okay and I'm okay and that's fine. She said well, give me your phone number. And so I gave her my phone number and she said you know, I have four boys.
Speaker 3I never told my husband and I don't really know what to do with this, but I knew this day would come. And I don't really know what to do with this, but I knew. I knew this day would come and I don't know what role I should play with you. Wow, and I said well, let's get to know each other, and that's how that went, so let's fast forward.
Speaker 3Where's your relationship with her today? So a little step back. We talked for like two years just via phone. She was a state over in Kentucky, I was in Ohio and we just talked via phone. I got to know her, she got to know me and she was like wow, your parents sent you to Hampton. Wow, you took ballet. Wow, you modeled. Wow, I could have never done those things.
Speaker 3And, you know, talked to me a lot about my bio dad and you know, this is who he is and this is what he was and this is why I did what I did. And, um, I come from, or was born in a very small town with like seven black families who kind of all intermarried and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and told me who he was. And I had become Facebook friends with one of her nieces, who is my bio cousin, and she's like, oh my God, you look just like Joe. And I was like, yeah, linda told me that Joe is my dad and she was like, oh, okay, so there's three siblings on his side. So I sent a friend request to my brother, who had like 4,000 friends, and I thought he'll never see me, he'll just accept it and I'll just kind of watch and see if I can see, like who's the auntie, who's the cousin. Oh, that's my grandma.
Speaker 3You know, I thought I'd do that that on a Tuesday. Say I sent that Tuesday at 530, tuesday at 730. He sends me a private message. Why do you look like me? Oh.
Speaker 3Excuse me, excuse me, sir, and I was like well, I think I might be your sister, but maybe I'm not. And he said call me. Sent me his phone number, called him on a Wednesday. He said I'm going to tell our granny paternal. He tells her, she gets on the phone and she said you coming to Kentucky because you coming home, oh wow.
Speaker 3and I'm like now. Mind you, I have a very solid relationship with my family, my parents, but my mom had always said I will help you when you're ready to find your biological family. So that was a Wednesday, saturday we were, my husband and I, were on our way to Kentucky. My mom and dad took my children because we don't know where we're going to. I don't know them. We pull up to my grandmother paternal grandmother's house because at this point Linda had seen the chatter on Facebook. Ok, call me and tell I don't appreciate it.
Speaker 1I don't appreciate it.
Speaker 3And I was like, wow, I probably messed up Because I didn't want to out her. But also these people were like, come Right, went to the house in Kentucky, pulled up, and I was like, oh, this is great, this is a baby shower. I'm thinking, oh, my cousins are going to be here, baby girl. And I'm like, oh, this is my cousins, I come in. It's a baby shower for me. I was 34 years old and it was a welcome home baby shower. Flowers, you know, just here's your cousin. This is, I mean, and everybody looked like me.
Speaker 2I know that.
Speaker 3Yeah, it was a. It was a wonderful feeling and, like I said, it's a small town. So Linda knew I was there and she hadn't spoken with me and I was giving her her space. And on the way out she called me and she said I'll meet you at Applebee's. I said OK. So we met on the way out of town and she told my husband because I needed to run to the restroom that's not her, that's not her people. I was raped by five men. Restroom that's not her, that's not her people. I was raped by five men. I just told her that so she could have a story kind of like thing, so I said that to say, wait what she backed it up?
Speaker 3because now it's like I know this child is here and she looks like those people and I wasn't supposed to be messing with that man. So yeah, so I said that to say she and I do not have a relationship. And you know I pray that someday that is different, before she and I both leave here, because I came from you. You know I'm not mad at you. I'm sorry that you're upset with me, but they asked me to come to Kentucky. You didn't. Now I got a question.
Speaker 2To this day, as far as you know, she still hasn't told her husband or her four boys or her husband or her four boys.
Speaker 3Her husband passed a year and a half into our phone conversations so I don't know that she ever told him. But her sons know, because it's one of those towns where everybody's kind of cousins, second, third cousins, so the boys know, and I'm actually. I speak to her sisters. Okay, my aunts are very engaged with me and they say I don't know what's wrong with her, like that's over and done with. You're almost 50 years old and she's still holding on to shame. And I tell them you never know what shame and trauma I caused for her. She hid me her whole senior year, ran track within the band, went three counties over to have me and leave to go back home like nothing happened. That's trauma, yeah. So I probably represent a time in her life where she would like to not think about.
Speaker 2Yeah, she has to sit in that and really, really wrestle with that healing for herself if she wants to heal from it and move forward. But until she does, there's nothing you can do. Do you have a relationship with your brothers From her? Yes, One. Okay.
Speaker 3One. The other three boys, no Okay.
Speaker 1Their loyalty lies with her so they don't.
Speaker 3Right and I can understand that. I am just here because of her and so I'm just grateful. I'm not mad, but I recognize that even at her age I think she's 17 or 18 years older than me it just may be something that she has a process and maybe never will. I'm always open and I'm not your adversary, I'm your daughter.
Speaker 2And she knows where to find you.
Speaker 3That's right, I'm always available.
Speaker 1So, so, let me tell you this I'm listening and I've heard the story, I know it and I'm listening to the things that you said and that, again, this to me reinforces why we're just such kindred spirits of how you were. Very hey, this is what it is. If you're not ready, it's okay. And the fact that, at the end of the day, I was safe and I was good. And that takes the end of the day, I was safe and I was good. And that takes a lot of maturity because and we've discussed how you know you have every right to express and throw out your feelings and just people wrestle with whatever, but to be able to say to the individual I'm good, I'm here whenever you're ready, and at the end of the day, like you said, that's mom, at the end of the day, she gave birth. You know that. Even we've talked about it, it's still that respect level of at the end of the day, regardless of anything else, I'm going to say thank you, because you could have made some other choices Exactly.
Speaker 3Exactly, and I, you know, I I imagine what it would be like to be a 17 year old girl and feel like you have nobody to talk to and nobody to tell. How do you hide a pregnancy in a house full of people? That tells me something about the parenting that she received, and so I can't imagine that my mom knew if I had a pimple on my face.
Speaker 2She's like what's wrong with you.
Speaker 3My parents stayed in my face carrying a child to term in a home with parents and brothers, and sisters and no one acknowledging that something is going on with you.
Speaker 2So I know with John. He's spoken to his aunts and his aunts filled him in on some of the backstory. Did your aunts tell you, or when did they know? Or was this all new to them once you reached out to them?
Speaker 3No, they said we knew something was going on with her and she disappeared for a couple of days in 1977. When she came back, we just didn't ask.
Speaker 1Again sweeping stuff under the rug.
Navigating Complex Family Relationships
Speaker 3They just did not ask. She picked it right up, went back to school because I think she graduated. I was born that February. I think she graduated that June. But the relationship my paternal grandfather was the pastor, my paternal grandfather was the pastor, her grandmother, her mother, was the church secretary. My paternal grandmother, obviously, was the first lady. So this is a family who was very close. So they were like God brother and God sister. You know the pastor and his secretary and the wife. They know each other. They go camping together.
Speaker 3They do Christmases together, thanksgivings together. This was like you know how your kids have friends that you just don't even think about. Oh yeah they're up there in the room this day playing a game, or they out riding their bikes. Well, they were doing a little something different. That's right, and so it. I think Darren came to shame too, Like he was like a play cousin yeah.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 3And so the families were so intertwined. So my biological mother's mother, my grandmother, my maternal grandmother, has said we won't have nothing to do with you, oh, wow. And I said, wow, ok, it feels very much like, maybe, how you parented your daughter, but that's not my business. It's very sweet, but under the rug and we're okay, and as long as we're okay, then it's okay. But my, um, my paternal grandmother, she and I were very close. I mean I went to Kentucky all the time and just sat on her couch and chill. So my kids have relationships with their cousins and, um, my sisters and brother come spend time with us. So you know and I understand that boys loyalty very much lies with their mothers.
Speaker 1So let me ask this question, or let me say this so, with both of you being mothers and you think about when you had your children, how it was celebrated, right, and you brought up the fact of the trauma that you know first mom may have had trying to hide it and conceal it, so I can't even imagine her being able to unpack all those emotions of a trying to hide it, but then, at 17 years old, yeah. And then whatever shame may have running track.
Speaker 3You were still running track. I can't imagine. Wow. And she told me once um, you're so much better than me. What could I offer you?
Speaker 2your time. That's just who you are.
Speaker 1It's right, your time, that's it and it's, it's, it's challenging because, like she holds the key to just so much, just being there. All you got to do is just me looking at, sitting across, looking at you, that's it. Um, I remember me and my biological mom. We met, had lunch and I just couldn't stop staring. I remember that. I remember when I was like, yeah, we had that conversation.
Speaker 3And I think that for them, you know, and again them, wrestling through whatever they don't understand, for us All we need, like you said that time, even at FaceTime, you know, no matter what, no matter if I can get people to understand because people think, well, you're grown Like you should be past that you know that's in the past, Move on. Because we get to this place where we think people should move on, there is still a space where you just want to spend some time and just be quiet.
Speaker 2You ain't got to say words yeah, you want to be that child again.
Speaker 3Making up for lost time. Yep, I will never forget and I try to remember it with my 21-year-old, who gets on my nerves sometimes that Dr Phil always says your children want to see your eyes light up when they come in the room. That's kind of all we want.
Speaker 1Validation.
Speaker 3Yeah, everybody wants to feel like they belong to somebody. Even though we had amazing or some of us may have not. I had an amazing life and amazing story that I'm probably would not have happened if I was still living in rural Kentucky. I would be riding horses and you know. Whatever that didn't happen for me and I'm grateful. But there is still a space where you want to be accepted and like, and until she gets past that Trauma that she experienced, I think I'm going to always be a wound for her.
Speaker 1So let me ask this question, With you having the information and we can go back to the conversation. At the Applebee's right, you and Sean leave. You get back to Ohio. What's the conversation with the folks?
Speaker 3my, my mother, as much as she was, you know my whole life the one who would say I hope y'all help, y'all help you. For her it was very threatening. How was it with her, you know? I think she felt that there would be some like soul tie, and so for my mother when she found out that I think she felt that there would be some, some like soul tie. And so for my mother, when she found out that the relationship was strained, it was.
Speaker 2OK, she was like yes, right School, like I'm safe.
Speaker 3The kick is good. Yes, I'm still number one, yeah, and my biological father has always expressed a general admiration for my parents because he never knew I was born. So when I went back for the baby shower at 33, he was spending time away with the incarcerated friends. And so around the corner from my grandmother's house it's a town, it's Mayberry and so my grandmother says you want to go see your daddy? Yeah, sure, like why isn't he here?
Speaker 3So we go around the corner to the you was about to say Mayberry too, and I walk in and they call him out and he's like, oh my God, you have my face, wow.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 3I mean, this is behind glass.
Speaker 2Right.
Speaker 3And he's like I, like I can't believe you're real. And I said you never knew, he said no, she never told me. Wow, he did not know. And I said you never knew, he said no, she never told me Wow, oh, wow, he did not know. So my father has been very open to meeting my biological father, because my biological father came from the place of. I didn't even know and y'all did a great job with this one. Now, it has never happened. I don't know how Henry would act. Henry is my dad, so I really don't know how he would act. And my bio dad is never really free to move about the cabin. Yes, he's always got some probation issues, so he's never been able to travel. So I don't know. My parents were very supportive.
Speaker 1That's great. Let me ask this question how do you think, if any you being adopted impacted you as a parent?
Speaker 2Hmm.
Speaker 3I will say as a parent, it made me it's very Open with alternative family styles because, my children always knew that I was adopted.
Speaker 3You know Mason was born into it, right, so I had already met the bio family by the time he came. You know I was six months in at that point and Aniyah knew and you know then Sean had a kind of strained relationship with his father, so she had never really met him. So my kids would always say we got a lot of grandparents, mom, you got, two dads, you got two moms, dad you got. And so I think it really made me open and my children respectful of alternative families, because every family doesn't always look like even what it looks like, because if you saw me and my mom and my dad, you wouldn't think that I was adopted. That's right. And so then I'm like and here's this one and here's that one, and here's some brothers and here's some sisters, and here's this one and here's that one, and here's some brothers, here's some sisters, and so my kids are just, I think, open to the fact that families can look different.
Adopted Stories
Speaker 2Right, that's awesome, that is that. Yeah, that's good, that's good. It's weird that between the three of us, you know, even though we're all adopted and like we've mentioned many, many times before, everyone's story is so different.
Speaker 3So different.
Speaker 2It's so different because how your parents were supportive, I can't. Well, I guess it would be they weren't supportive because they never told me oh yeah, yeah, oh yes, I saw your story. Yeah, so I didn't even. Yes, I saw your story, yeah, so.
Speaker 3Like you didn't, even know. I didn't know you found out from a family member right Her husband.
Speaker 2Yeah, my husband.
Speaker 3I was going to say that, but then I was like no, that don't even sound right.
Speaker 2Okay, yeah, that's right, and then John always knew.
Speaker 1But it wasn't spoken of. No, she knew but it wasn't spoken of. She shut it down. She shut it down, so she wasn't supportive she was like the file is closed and you can't open it. I'm like, oh, okay, I'm going to go back to my room.
Speaker 1Yeah, and I remember when you were telling me about John, I found him. I'm about to go do this. I was so happy for you. But there was a little green-eyed monster of jealousy. Yeah, you always have that desire. It was almost like you made it into the promised land and I don't get to go, but you was always going to go. But here's the thing when you don't know and you're hoping, you celebrate others and you're like I'll be glad when my time comes. And then you were like just, you celebrate others and you're like I'll be glad when my time comes. And then you were like well, john, be careful, because you don't know what Pandora's box is going to open. And you got to be sober and I remember you telling me when I pulled up What'd I say, lord?
Speaker 1You were like when I pulled up they had all these balloons and all these different things and I'm like what shit?
Speaker 3Who the hell like blown away I couldn't imagine thinking of having a baby shower for me but that is what that little kid wants.
Speaker 2Yeah, that little kid it was so gorgeous, but it was blown away to you because you're like they don't even know me right, and they took time to throw this baby shower for a 30 something year old.
Speaker 3Yeah, what in the yeah, and in my family there's a little history of small ankles. So my grandma pulled me in the bathroom and she was like come here, baby, Small ankles. Wait a minute, it's a problem. It's a problem. So, I go in the bathroom and she's like put your pants up Now. This woman does look like me, but I like I don't really know what's going on exactly pulls my pants up, she comes out the bathroom, she ours you got the mangles.
Speaker 2Hey, that's a dna test, right there chicken legs chicken legs.
Speaker 3That's funny oh that's fun and and you would think like I would hate them.
Speaker 2No, I love them that's amazing does it make you feel like, after all this time, like you've always known them, it's just that you just been away. Because that's how I felt when I first found my family. It was just like you know, oh yeah, lisa lives in Virginia and she's just coming up for you know mom's. Yeah, lisa lives in Virginia and she's just coming up for you know mom's birthday. Yeah, that's how it felt, like we've always known each other.
Speaker 3It feels like that. I think that there's a connection that only DNA can create. Um, I, yes, I do. Um, I hate that and I, this is. I say this like with two sides of my brain. I hate that. I miss the stories that my cousins have. Oh, my, yes, because they have the summers, they have the girl. You ain't no, aunt dimples was crazy. I'm like no, okay, no Okay, you didn't know. Such and such was married to such and such. I wasn't here, so I missed the history.
Speaker 1Yes.
Speaker 3I missed that. But then I'm like if I didn't, if I had that history, then I wouldn't have had the history with my family.
Speaker 2And that's how I look at it also, because when you're sitting in it and they're sitting there and your cousins, and everybody's talking about what they did as a child, and you're like, oh wow, I would have been doing that. Oh wow, I would have been doing that, I should have been in that picture, I would have been in that picture. All those things, those things are the things that make me feel sad. But, on the other hand, I wouldn't have changed my life, because the life that they live, lisa, wasn't built for that.
Speaker 3That's all I was not, I was not built for rural Kentucky, I promise you no. And I look just like my grandmother, like there were pictures of her when she was like thirty three, thirty four, like my age, and it could have been me.
Speaker 3And she passed 34, like my age, and it could have been me and she passed gosh, maybe 2017. And so my biological father calls me a lot and he's like Bob, bob Jean, that's what he calls me and that's her name. Now you know I ain't Bob Jean. But yeah, I wasn't built for rural Kentucky either. I'm not a horse girl, I'm not a bluegrass state kind of girl and I don't want to listen to that country music.
Speaker 2Oh my goodness, so wow. So you was born in Kentucky. And then so your adoptive parents went to.
Speaker 3Kentucky to get you or how did you end up in Ohio? So the foster family that had me in Kentucky they were the husband was an OBGYN, the wife was a stay-at-home mom and they had already adopted children. They had like four adopted children and like two biological, and they had this big farm and he had all this money. So I guess they were connected with Lutheran social services through the foster care system.
Speaker 2Okay.
Speaker 3When my mom and dad picked my picture out of the. I guess I imagine it to be like cards, where you're just looking at kids. I don't know, but mom said they saw my picture and they met on the state line.
Speaker 2Okay.
Speaker 3And pick me up. And my dad said my mom and dad had told me several times and I remember they were the Smiths Ms Smith came to my first and second birthday. Oh, that's awesome that they did as a family or the two of them, but she had gotten so attached to me she couldn't drop me off. And her husband said that she was really depressed when they found out they weren't going to have the opportunity to adopt me.
Speaker 1Were you the only child of color in the house.
Speaker 3No, oh wow, which is like serendipitous right? How did that happen?
Speaker 1Did you ever look up the Smiths?
Speaker 3No, I have tried, and then I just like not, that they're not part of my backstory. Right, Because they are. But I don't even know if I would. What would I say? Right?
Speaker 2Well, I mean, you probably wouldn't say, but you would say hey, I'm.
Speaker 3Kizzy is what they named me.
Speaker 2Kizzy, really, yeah. So I'll say, hey, I'm Kizzy. And then they will go oh, because you're not going to remember them, because you was an infant. You was, yeah, but they would.
Speaker 3And they would, they probably would, and at this point I don't know, I guess I I've thought about it and maybe, like, done a light google search, it never really went too deep. Um, but yeah, they named me kizzy because you know it was roots and it was the 70s and she was a black girl.
Speaker 1So it was the legs. It, it was the legs, that's what it was.
Speaker 2Kizzy. Wow, I was getting on so many levels with that. That is so wrong on so many levels. It's wrong for us now because we have the language and the understanding and we know For them.
Speaker 3they probably felt like we're giving her a strong name, Exactly.
Speaker 1There's this strong character that went through and I'm going to build it up. Wow, exactly. There's this strong character that went through and I'm going to build it up.
Speaker 3Wow, that's amazing, it's like calling a kid dope.
Speaker 1So I'm sitting here and I'm just this whole interview. I'm thankful to have this opportunity for you to share your story on this platform and it just it reminded me of the similarities in our thinking and just our, our spirits, and just how we approached certain things with a level of maturity and sobriety and respect.
Speaker 3Like this was a hard thing for somebody to do. Yeah, yeah, my children away and I mean I'm not in that situation, thank God. It really is a level of sacrifice that I don't know that I embody, to be honest you know, whatever the situation was.
Speaker 1The other thing is, we have so much more information, we have so much more support, we have so many other things now. Back then they didn't have what we have, that's true. So they did the best with what they had.
Navigating Family Relationships and Boundaries
Speaker 3Yeah, yeah. And what I've found out is her home was pretty chaotic. There was a fire. There was, you know, adult sisters and brothers who were in and out Not inappropriate, I mean, my aunts are very successful, you know, educationally, but I think there was. She just got lost in the sauce was she the baby? Yeah no, how many like she's like mid. That's the thing. She was in the middle how many children five, five. So she was like in the middle.
Speaker 2Okay, yeah, she's in the middle and they were kind of um spaced apart because the kids no, they were like stair steps. So I'm confused, me too. How is it that you're?
Speaker 3you have other sisters no, she, I do, yes, but the sisters, my sister, oh yeah, she does yeah.
Speaker 2And they didn't.
Speaker 1Like, was she that close with her? Yeah?
Speaker 2I'm saying they all living in the same house. They lived in the same house.
Speaker 3They never recognized anything. They did not pay attention to each other. Now my aunts will say now we knew something was going on with her, but we just didn't say nothing.
Speaker 2Wow, wow.
Speaker 1Wow, Do you think and again we don't know Do you think she has resentment towards the family or just them?
Speaker 3She has a very strange relationship with her siblings. Ok, mm hmm, very strange, ok, mm hmm, very strained, almost almost like you guys didn't see me, you didn't know I was hurting, and now you all think now you want to celebrate it.
Speaker 1Now you want it and again, from a mental health standpoint. That's why, again, I'm unpacking it from the other side, because you know we, just like you said, we don't have the capacity to know that hurt because we haven't had to exercise that muscle yeah, yep, yep.
Speaker 2We have to give her grace and I do, yeah, and yeah, it sounds like you do a lot of grace yeah, I do.
Speaker 3I just say, you know, and I ask her sisters, because I talk to them all the time, how's Linda?
Speaker 2She's all right.
Speaker 3You know you could give her a call and I'm like, well, you can stop that, because I'm not You've done your part.
Speaker 2You left the door open for her whenever. If she's ever ready, she knows where to find you.
Speaker 3Yeah, I feel like I went the extra mile, or not even extra mile, it was for me. But you know, hire the private investigator went through the whole process. You know have dealt with some pretty abusive language from her at times, and so I'm like I'm still trying to give you grace because I know that I'm a tender spot for you. I'm going to let you say what you need to say, but I want you not meet me.
Speaker 1That 1851 dilemma.
Speaker 3You know I try to be kind and try to be courteous and when I know that I don't have space for that, I don't reach out, that I don't reach out Right and you just don't know what that true experience, because she's not sharing what really really happened.
Speaker 3And what it comes up as in is anger. So every time I'm coming home, my kids or whatever. You know it's a small town, People know each other and you know I went to my niece's graduation and her, her son, was actually there and he was just like looking at me, like really, are you here, you know, and I'm like I'm not even here for you, sweetie, I'm here for her, Right.
Speaker 3Keep it, you know so it, and that's one of the boys who is his mama's child, and I understand. But when those things happen there's always a little scuttlebutt like, oh she here, I just don't understand.
Speaker 2Well, I mean, I guess I do understand, but I just don't understand why they are. That your other brothers are angry at you? Well, I can and I can't, right, you didn't ask to be here.
Speaker 1Correct. But you got to understand they're protecting their space.
Speaker 2Yeah, I get that, but at this point it's been some time I don't want nothing from you. A hundred percent.
Speaker 3I'm not asking for anything. I don't want. Really, if you don't want to share your time, I don't want to pull it out of you, but just know that I am going to be in Kentucky, I am going to visit my father, I am going to visit my siblings, I'm going to come to graduations and birthday parties and it's okay. If you don't want to see me, just close your eyes you don't have to fool with me.
Speaker 2You fool people who want to fool with you, and that's it. That's it.
Speaker 1Too many times we fight to put people in our space that doesn't deserve to be there and they don't fit, and it's okay.
Speaker 3They may not fit this week, they may not fit next year, they may fit in 10 years. You may be sick, you may need a kidney. You may need one of these little skinny legs.
Speaker 2Whatever, I'm going to be here, and the thing is, what I love about you is it makes you no difference Whether if they want to be in your life, great. If not, you don't keep it because my foundation is so firm.
Speaker 3It's solid and I made sure that, before I was able to access that information, I had the emotional intelligence to handle whichever way the wind blew.
Speaker 2Wimbley.
Speaker 1And I'm thankful that you have matured and put away some of your older ways of thugging out in this season so that you could take care of it and handle it in a good way, Because I can see you, like you said at that early age, popping off and, just you know, forget all y'all, yeah, oh yeah, I mean you know the back pocket's always the back pocket, but Yep, I mean you know the back pocket is always the back pocket, but yeah.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 3I mean, you know we're almost 50 now, so let's move on? No, I really do. There were, you know, honestly, and some of that, some of maybe who I was then was because of this experience and just very, I'm going to protect me at all costs Because I don't trust you.
Navigating Adopted Family Dynamics
Speaker 2Right, and you not really knowing who you were Were, because a lot of it for all we know, she could have been one of those type of people too. Oh yeah, you could see a lot in you that you know she's just not ready to face yet. So, um, yeah, there's a lot of I know. For me, there was a lot of similarities to my mannerisms and how I walked and how I talked. To this day, even though my mother had passed my, my niece would go oh my goodness, you sound just like granny, you sound just like her. So, and I didn't, you know, I didn't, you don't know her. I mean, I didn't know her. I, I, I was blessed enough to know her. I didn't know her. Did you get to meet her? I got, I was blessed enough to meet her. Ok, good, before she passed, yes, yes, and I was there when she took her last breath.
Speaker 3That's amazing.
Speaker 2Yeah, right.
Speaker 3Oh for that.
Speaker 2Yeah, yeah. So we had it, we, for the short period of time, the eight years, that I am truly, truly grateful for. I didn't look at it from that aspect before because at first I was like I can't keep a parent, can't keep a parent. My adoptive parents died in 97, nine months from each other. And then I found my biological mother. She allegedly says my biological father was deceased. Allegedly Okay. Until I see paperwork I can only say allegedly Okay, and then she passes. I'm like can I get a break? Can I catch a break? So that's how I was kind of angry with God because you allowed me to find her and then you take her away from me.
Speaker 3And still got to pour out of that parent space into your own children.
Speaker 2Right, but I? I then I flipped it and says no, god allowed me to meet her. So I had that time with her because he could have just as easily me not ever be her. Yeah, and never known and never known her, you know. But ever be her, yeah, and never known and never known her, you know. But so I cherish the eight years that I did have with her and the opportunity. So I don't look at it as you know. Why did?
Speaker 3she deficit, yeah so so early yeah, so I want to again.
Speaker 1um, this has just been so powerful. One of the talking points for this platform is the non-traditional relationships, and I love the fact that you said your children always had a respect for. You know, family dynamics are on our side of the adoption, or from the parental side, or a family member that may be a spouse or whatever it may be. What type of nugget or just encouragement would you give based on your experiences? Just encouragement would you give.
Speaker 3Based on your experiences, I would say trust that person, that adoptee enough to go down the road with them.
Speaker 3Don't get ahead, don't slow them down. Just meet them where they are, because at the time that we are discovering who we came from, we just need support. We just need support. Sometimes there's a space for quietness. Sometimes there's a space for quietness because we're figuring out what this means, because it really changes your perspective of life. I mean, it sounds like the three of us had a great foundation with our families, but it really changes. Once you learn my birth story, once you learn my conception story, once you learn even what happened to your bio parents afterwards, it's like wow, I was there but I wasn't. So you have to figure out where you were in that story to kind of get your bearings. So support is what I would say. I hope I answered that.
Speaker 1No, you did, you did. And as you were talking, what came to my mind was there's an unbalanced equation. We're taught from a mathematical standpoint. When you have an unbalanced equation, you have to do something to try and balance it out, and that's what we're trying to do. We are handed this playing deck of cards and we played a hand and we're dealt, but then I'm going to give you this extra two cards. Yeah, and now you are forced with. How do I continue to play the game of life without playing out of order, being penalized?
Speaker 3And I think inherent in, I know, for me. I told my parents this maybe two or three years ago. We were just hanging out and I was telling them how much I love them, because I do all the time, because they're 81 and 80. And you know, yeah, yeah, my parents are that old, john, you got to call daddy and 80. And you know, yeah, yeah, my parents are there. Oh, john, you got to call daddy. So I see time, I see them aging, and I told them how much I appreciated them and my dad's like, oh no, we appreciate you too. And I said, no, let me tell you what I appreciate. I appreciate that you wanted a child. I appreciate that you chose me and I appreciate that you raised me with no conditions, like just I was any other child and I don't think that I had ever made that distinction, because I never wanted them to feel like I felt adopted, right.
Speaker 2But I wanted to acknowledge the work they put in to get me.
Speaker 3And my dad was like Crying yeah, I'm sure.
Speaker 2Give them their flowers while they're still.
Speaker 3You got to because, whether you know, however, we came into our families. They had to do some work on the front end to get us. It wasn't just like somebody the stork dropped us off.
Speaker 2Right, well, I still stick to that.
Speaker 3Listen, whitney was like I had a show in Columbus Go get that baby. But I know that my parents had to do a lot of work. They had, you know, all the social service stuff. They had to check their background, they had to be financially stable and all those things that don't happen when you just spontaneously are pregnant. So I wanted them and I don't know that I'll ever do that again but I needed them to understand that. I know that you had to put in work to get this fool that you had to raise and I appreciate y'all, but I'm better, but I'm better.
Speaker 2You know I'm better.
Speaker 3Going through those high school times and college and just figuring out who you are that's tough. And they didn't have to.
Speaker 2Wow, this has been great.
Speaker 1Thank you, this was awesome. I am thankful that you were willing to do it, of course. Thank you for the transparency. Yeah, thank you very much, and next week let's make it a reality. Do a FaceTime so I can see you folks oh yeah, okay 100%. Oh my gosh, my dad would lose his mind. Yeah, so I can see your folks. Oh yeah, ok, a hundred percent.
Speaker 3We've been talking about it, for I know a good time. Oh my gosh, my dad would lose his mind.
Speaker 1Yeah, don't even tell him. You, just I'm not. Hey, let's get it.
Speaker 3Let's get it OK, all right. Well, thank you all for having me.
Speaker 1I appreciate it this was therapeutic different levels, yeah, just very therapeutic. So the way that we close, I'll say my name, lisa will say her name and then I'll say your name, and then we say and we are adopted. So for the nugget, I think that that is huge to support the episode that we did previously. We had our spouses on. Oh yeah, that's huge. Right, we talked about how us being adopted impacts our outlook on certain things.
Speaker 3And maybe in ways I don't even know. You know Sean might be able to give some more insight. I have to ask him Watch.
Speaker 1Watch our previous episode and I'm thankful that my wife was patient with me and she saw things and you know you go back when you talk about when you were pregnant how that was the springboard. So for me, being the father of Jayla, be having to put those NAs down. My wife saw my face and the hurt that I had in the embarrassment and it wasn't because of anything I did. This is the hand that I've been dealt, so I think that you know your spouse plays a very significant role because they can continue to support and push, or they can make it so that now you have a different level of shame.
Speaker 1Yeah, oh, yeah. So thank you again.
Speaker 3Yes, thank you Absolutely. Thank you, guys. That's the Lakeshore connection.
Speaker 1Oh, my God, I wish.
Speaker 2I get the opportunity to meet you in person, probably homecoming or something.
Speaker 1She ain't been here in 30.
Speaker 3No, not since 2001. I keep saying I'm coming, I'm coming, I'm coming, and it's like, but this year we can do it. All my babies are big. Ok, both my babies are big. Both my babies are big.
Speaker 1Well, here's the thing, just let me know. Well, I ain't here, no more, I'm tripping.
Speaker 3I know you got to fly in for Florida.
Speaker 1I might have two at Hampton, but we'll see. I'm John.
Speaker 2And I'm Lisa.
Speaker 1Oh, and I'm Kalilah, absolutely. Thank you so much.
Speaker 2Thank you.
Speaker 1And we'll talk soon.
Speaker 2Yeah.
Speaker 1Thank you for listening to the so I'm Adopted podcast. We hope that this was informative and educational. You can follow us on Instagram and Facebook at so I'm Adopted. Also, subscribe to our YouTube channel so I'm Adopted. And again, thank you for listening and until next time, make the choice to begin your healing journey.
