What If You Can't See Your Own Gifts? (Ep #29 Relationship Series)

You might be sitting on your best gift and calling it “nothing.” That’s the twist we unpack today: the qualities that come most naturally often get overlooked, not because they’re small, but because they’ve always been part of who we are. When we’re busy comparing ourselves to someone else’s talent or highlight reel, we miss what we consistently bring to the people around us and that’s where our real value often lives.

I share a story about Stephen King tossing the first pages of Carrie in the trash, convinced they weren’t good enough, and how someone else saw what he couldn’t see up close. From there, we talk about the blind spots created by self-criticism, perfectionism, and imposter syndrome, and why other people experience us differently than we experience ourselves. We also widen the definition of “gifts” beyond obvious skills like writing or speaking. Your gift may be curiosity, pattern-noticing, calm energy in chaos, or the way you help people feel safe, seen, and understood.

You’ll also hear a simple practice you can do this week: ask a trusted friend, family member, or coworker what they see in you that you may not see in yourself, then practice receiving their answer without minimizing or dismissing it. 

If this resonates, subscribe so you don’t miss what’s next, share it with someone who needs a brighter mirror, and leave a review to help more people find the show.

Transcript

Welcome To Pure Possibilities

Shannon 0:54

You're listening to the Pure Possibilities podcast. This is a space to pause, notice, reconnect, and explore what's possible. I'm your host, Shannon. Let's dive in to today's episode.

Why We Miss Our Gifts

Shannon 1:07

Have you ever noticed how easy it is for us to see other people's gifts and how much harder it is for us to see them in ourselves? Maybe you've looked at someone and thought, oh my gosh, they are such an incredible listener, or they're so creative. I could never do that. They're so brave. They just have a way with people. But when it comes to yourself, you have all of these incredibly unsupportive, not very kind thoughts that come up about yourself. I don't really have anything special. Or, gosh, I would love to be able to do that, but there's no way I could ever possibly do that. And I've been thinking about this recently. And I'm wondering if that's because the things that come so incredibly naturally for us often tend to be the things that we overlook, not because they're not valuable, but because they've always been part of who we are. And this thought came up for me recently about all of our different gifts that we have.

Stephen King And Dismissing Magic

Shannon 2:10

And then almost immediately after that, I came across a story about Stephen King. And when he wrote the first few pages of Carrie, he hated them. He thought they weren't good enough. He crumpled them up and threw them in the trash. His wife went and found them and recovered them. And she read them and she told him, I think you've got something here. And what's interesting about that is because someone else saw the value in something that he had completely dismissed. He had just tossed it and was like, nope, not good enough. And how often do we do that? How often do we throw away something incredibly beautiful because we're too close to it? We can't, we can't see the magic that's in it. And I believe one of the reasons why we miss our gifts is because they don't feel extraordinary to us. They feel normal. They're just part of who we are.

Naming My Gifts And Inner Knowing

Shannon 3:10

For example, I ask really good questions. I approach conversations from a space of curiosity. I notice patterns. Of course, I can make people feel comfortable. Doesn't everyone? No, they don't. One of the gifts I've come to recognize in myself is the ability to look underneath what someone thinks the problem is, what they believe to be true. Someone comes to me believing it's about one thing, and then often after asking a few questions, we discover it was never really about that at all. And I'm also an observer. I observe people's behaviors and I can see and I have this inner knowing of what's actually going on underneath the surface, which can be a blessing and a curse. I have to use discernment about when I share those things with people, because if they're not asking for my thoughts, feelings, and opinions or my observations, it's none of my business. It's their journey that they're on. Another gift that I've noticed is that I tend to get back up. Life has knocked me down plenty of times over the years. And while I absolutely allow myself to feel the emotions that I'm having due to whatever the circumstances are that I'm moving through, I don't tend to stay there. It didn't used to be like that. Well, actually, that's not true. Huh. That's interesting. I really have as far back as I can remember, I am somebody who I get back up. I don't tend to stay there. I get back up and I brush myself up, pull myself up by my little bootstraps, I learn what I can, I forgive, and I keep moving. And for a long time, I didn't think of those as gifts. I thought they were just me, especially the one about the getting back up. I thought that was just like, isn't that what everybody does? But apparently it's not. It was pointed out to me that that's not normal behavior. And I was kind of taken aback by it. I was like, it's not. I have a very forgiving heart and have also recognized that it doesn't do me any good to stay in a space of being angry, frustrated, resentful, pouring my energy into that, into something that someone else has done, if I have felt hurt by their actions, whatever the case may be, it doesn't serve me to not forgive and move on because that forgiveness isn't for them. That forgiveness is for me. It's to allow myself the peace to move forward. It doesn't mean that all of the behavior is excused. It's for my own peace of mind.

Gifts Beyond Talents And Imposter Syndrome

Shannon 6:12

I think sometimes when we hear the word gift, we immediately think of talents: painting, singing, public speaking, writing, technology, whatever you think a specific talent might be. But what if your gift isn't something you do? What if it's the way people feel when they're around you? Maybe people come to you because they know that you're gonna listen to them without judgment. Maybe you're the person who brings the calm and peace into a chaotic setting. Maybe you help people feel seen and valued. Maybe whatever actions you're taking on a daily basis or on a regular basis are motivating and inspiring to someone else because you're showing them that something is possible that they may not have thought was possible for themselves. Maybe you have an incredible ability to organize, to encourage, to simplify things that are really complicated, to make people laugh when they really truly need it. Those are gifts too. And sometimes our greatest and most beautiful gifts aren't from the things that we accomplish, the things that we do. They're what we naturally give away every single day by who we're being without even realizing it. And we are definitely the worst people to evaluate our own gifts, because we are with ourselves all day, every day, and likely more critical of ourselves than anybody else is ever going to be. If you think about the way you talk to yourself versus the way you would talk to a friend or your child or a partner, we're generally not very kind to ourselves, whether we're speaking it out loud or we're saying it in our mind. And other people experience us differently than we experience ourselves. They're not looking at us through a lens of comparison like we do. Imposter syndrome, we think we're not good enough, everybody else is better. How can they get this done when I can't? They're so accomplished, they're so busy, they have everything dialed in, they take care of everything all the time, they never fall behind. How are they able to get all of these things done? And wow, look at their life. Whereas the people experiencing us, they're noticing what we're consistently bringing into their lives, which is why they want to stay a part of your life. Because if there wasn't something that they were valuing from their relationship with you, honestly, they probably wouldn't still be there. What if you think about your unique gifts and talents and what you bring to the world rather than just looking at other people's unique gifts and talents, focus in on what you're bringing into whatever space that you're in?

Ask Someone What They See

Shannon 9:26

So I'm feeling the desire to change things up a little bit. And we're not going to do reflection questions again this week, but I would like to invite you into a conversation. I would like you to reach out to someone that you trust, a close friend, a family member, a coworker, and ask them one of these questions. What's something you see in me that I may not see in myself? Or what's something that you'd come to me for? Then just listen. Don't argue, don't explain it away, don't discount it, don't say, oh, that's nothing. Allow yourself to be in the space to fully receive what they're saying. Really take it in, take it into your heart and listen. Because you might discover that what feels incredibly ordinary to you has been extraordinary to someone else all along. And if you want a little extra bonus, if that person is open, ask them if you can answer those questions for them too. I know that an area that I would like to have more awareness around, or something that I would like to start doing more, is really letting the people in my life know what I appreciate about them, why I appreciate them, because we can, this is a little side tangent. We can talk about gratitude, we can feel gratitude, but how often do we express gratitude to the people in our life? I'm not saying that you do or don't. I'm just saying that I know that there are things that I think to myself that I don't necessarily articulate out. I try to, but I feel like that's an area where I would like to be better about doing that because it's important. It's important to let people know what you appreciate, how you appreciate them, sharing what their unique gifts and talents are with them so that they can help to see themselves in a brighter light.

Dreams Feel Closer When You Remember

Shannon 11:35

All right, we're gonna go ahead and pull a card from the Magic of What If card deck. So I was getting ready to record this and I was like, oh, what if I do last week's practice? So I wrote down deck one or two on two pieces of paper, and I'm gonna mix them up because this is fun. See, I can already tell that my energy is lifted just by doing it this way. So again, this is not a big deal. These are two card decks, and does it really matter which one I choose? Nope. It certainly doesn't. Oh, one fell into my lap. I'm gonna pick that one. So this one it says deck two. All right, so we're gonna pull from deck two today, and we'll do a quick little shuffle and see what today's message is. Okay. All right. What if my dreams are closer than I think? I was listening to something or reading something the other day, and it was talking actually about dreams and putting yourself in a space of it's already done. It's already done. How do you want to feel when whatever it is that you want to achieve is already done and you already have it? Be in that space now. We don't have to wait to get the thing to have the dream fulfilled. We can cultivate those feelings within ourselves right now in this moment. And the more we focus on the lack, the scarcity, it's not here yet. That energy pulls us farther and farther away from actualizing whatever that dream is. What if my dreams are closer than I think? I don't know if this is true for you or not, but from what I notice, this seems to be true for a lot of people that we spend a lot of our lives trying to become someone else, to be like other people, to have the things that they have, to live the life that they're living. And we forget to remember who we are because you have everything you need within you. We have been conditioned, we have these patterns, we have beliefs that are maybe ours from things that happened in our life, or beliefs and stories that other people have put on us, and we've just believed them. And so when you can uncover all of the crap that has been put on you, and you start to clear all of that away, you start to remember who you are, and all of that is within you. It's just accessing it again and remembering. And maybe your greatest gift isn't something that you need to learn. Maybe it's something that you've been living for years. It's been a part of who you already are, something that comes so naturally to you that you never would have even thought to call it a gift because it's who you are, it's what you do, it's who you be. And tap into the beauty and the magic that's within you. So this week, pause, notice, get curious, and allow yourself to receive, truly, truly receive what others see in you. Because someone else can often help us recognize what's already been within us all along. We just had a blind spot to it. So allow the people in your life to reveal your blind spots and uncover your magic.

Share Your Story And Pass It On

Shannon 15:31

Before we wrap up, if today's conversation brought up something for you, I would love to hear from you. At the top of the show description, you will find a link where you can send me a text message or even leave me a voicemail. If you have a question, a story, or a topic you'd love to hear discussed on the podcast, please send it my way. It may even become a future episode. And if someone came to mind while you were listening today, would you please share this episode with them? Not that I wouldn't love for you to share all of the episodes, but this one about our gifts and who we naturally are that we may not recognize on a regular basis. That is absolutely a conversation I would love for you to share. The podcast continues to grow because of you sharing these conversations. And I'm so grateful that you're here. I hope you have a beautiful, beautiful day and an amazing week. Much love.