Civility in the Age of Divisiveness

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When three parties with different agendas collide, is it conflict or opportunity? 

Civil discourse represents our best pathway through cultural divisiveness, requiring us to understand the emotional stories behind opposing viewpoints and find common ground, despite our differences. Tune in as host Dominick Domingo recounts a recent conflict that sparked this reflection on cultural divisiveness and the critical importance of civil discourse in our increasingly polarized world.

What story are you telling? Are you contributing to divisiveness or building bridges? Listen now and discover how we can collectively craft a new narrative that honors our shared humanity, even amid profound disagreement. 

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Transcript

Speaker 1 0:48

Hi guys. Well, I'm motivated to share a couple reflections today, not profound insights or pearls of wisdom per se, but just some thoughts that I think are probably somewhat universal and relatable. I hope so, and they're on the topic of cultural divisiveness slash civil discourse. Actually, it's a topic that has come up on the podcast recently, in an episode especially. That's yet to drop. My brother-in-law, jim Urbanovich I guess I'll let the cat out of the bag is a communications professor who had a lot of really beautiful words about civil discourse. So I'm going to start with a story In the spirit of our podcast. I'll start with a story and the spirit of our podcast. I'll start with a story and hope by the end you'll see the connection between all the little anecdotes or thoughts that I'm going to share. Simply put, I'm sure we've all had the experience of waking up either with profound insights in the morning, or inspiration or an epiphany of some kind, or literally the solution to a problem During Art Centre when I was 19, I think.

Speaker 1 1:53

When I started it wasn't particularly. It was very linear and I had completion issues. So I would stay up till three in the morning finishing a painting so I could go to bed with a little bow on it. Art Centre really taught me to juggle multiple obligations and to sort of keep all the balls in the air while juggling. In that spirit, it was a really demanding program and there was no time to really come up with solutions to your assignments. So your subconscious would germinate on it, of course, and when your mind was free in the wee hours of the morning the solution would come to you. And again, in teaching for 20 years, that's the creative process. Every one of my students has said oh, absolutely, my mind is not free to make those connections and I often wake up with a solution, or I dream the solution. That sort of happened to me this morning. I had a really trying day yesterday and couldn't possibly process all of it. I didn't, frankly want to. I wanted to let the conflict roll off. I'm very proud of the way I didn't really let it get in or discourage me or paralyze me or tax me emotionally, but of course my mind was churning on it. So this morning I woke up with a bunch of dots connected and I'm going to share them with you, for good or bad, okay. So I'll start with the anecdote.

Speaker 1 3:09

After the conflict that I mentioned, I saw a post, of course in Instagram, I think it was, or maybe even Facebook that, simply put, was titled the Worst Songs of 1982 According to Rolling Stone, and of course it was the best songs, or at least the top 10 songs of that year, very commercially produced, produced for mass consumption, right by everyone, from the A&R label to the artists themselves, to the producers and arrangers and composers, to the distributors, meant to be just short of we Are the World, although that wasn't one of them. Produced for mass consumption, so not high art per se, but the usual suspects is how I would put it. Of course they were the top ten songs of that year popular music but the point is in the comments people hit the nail on the head. A couple people called it out and said you know what clickbait? What better way to create engagement than to pick the top songs of a given year, call them the worst songs of that year and attribute it to Rolling Stone and let the algorithm do the rest? So we all know what we're talking about. Nine out of 10 posts that are just out to increase engagement rely on our contrary nature or wanting to know better, or wanting to know it all, or simply put to right or wrong. And so, of course, I got suckered into reading the comments and a lot of people were like-minded. I found it funny. A lot of them were really invested in the 80s and were trying to say then, you don't know, because those songs define the 80s.

Contrast as Opportunity for Growth

Speaker 1 4:45

I'm never going to defend top 10 pop music, but I would say, you know, good, bad, right, wrong is in the eye of the beholder, especially when it comes to the arts. It's all subjective and it very much was meant to be a sensational article intended for engagement, relying, I would add, on our basest human instincts. A lot of back and forth in the comments and of course, it was name-calling and mudslinging, and you know they call them the haters, right. So I always say don't read the comments before coffee. It will absolutely erode your faith in humanity and our potential. This was no different. A lot of nastiness, simply put, a lot of pettiness. This was no different. A lot of nastiness, simply put, a lot of pettiness. Okay, so now I'm going to bring up another topic that will end up hopefully ultimately being related Abraham Hicks, whom I'm a fan of.

Speaker 1 5:39

I think there are many ways to look at the world, and this is just one goggle to wear and it's a helpful tool, but it's very much in line with other schools of thought based on the law of attraction and manifestation. Abraham Hicks, in their parlance, would say there's these steps, and one of them, step one, is contrasts Experiencing the contrasts that life has to offer. That's another way of saying the challenges, the opportunities for growth and transformation. Abraham would say only through contrast do we refine our preferences and our desires. And I would say that extends to everything from our aesthetic sense and our tastes and, yeah, our policies, our political views. Anyway, the point is it's no different than what we tout on Language of the Soul podcast that all strife is the impetus for social reform and in our own personal lives, on the micro level, all challenges are there as opportunities in disguise for growth. You get the idea Adversity signals change. Okay, now you may wonder what this is all about.

Civil Discourse and Finding Common Ground

Speaker 1 6:50

My trying day yesterday and I won't go into too much detail had to do with three parties who came into a situation with preconceived notions, their own expectations, their own desires and goals for an outcome and it all combusted and basically, if you don't put on the goggle of good, bad, right, wrong or western value judgments. It just is what it is. But the goal was not met. And, yeah, there were some nasty things said that were potentially really hurtful. Like I said, I don't know how or why, except that I'm getting up there in age and I recognized it for what it is and I let it roll off. But, more importantly, I just somehow saw the meta view. When things are so elaborate that there's no explaining them in terms of everybody's part in what manifested, it was fascinating, including my own part, which I can best know. I can't really be inside anybody else's head, but I just thought, wow, the universe is trying to tell us all something, probably something different, all three parties, but when it's so elaborate and there's no explaining it, you just can't take it personally. In one case, the response was so full of vitriol is the word I'm gonna use it was so overblown and disproportionate that I absolutely thought this can't be taken personally. I think that party was working through something and I just couldn't take any of it personally. So I had this amazing meta view of the situation. It's all under the umbrella of crises being opportunities for growth, or contrasts, as Abraham Hicks would put it, clarifying our preferences and desires. Again, I'm adding something to the equation here.

Speaker 1 8:33

My brother-in-law, jim, whom I mentioned earlier, came on and I asked him at one point I don't expect you to say you have an agenda in your teaching, but surely you've become aware in all these years that you have influence. So what do you really hope to impart to future generations? And he said I absolutely have an agenda, and it's simply this, especially in 2025, with this administration. And I'm putting words in his mouth. But this is what I took from it If I can teach my students to have civil discourse with their ideological foes, regardless of the outcome, we will have retained our humanity. So there's a lot of words for it right, decency, civility, decorum, manners, manners retaining our humanity. He said it doesn't matter what the outcome is, but if I can teach them critical thinking skills so that they can have debates with their ideological foes as how he put it then my job is done, regardless of the outcome. And he went further to say, in the spirit of our podcast, that really understanding the stories behind one's position on a given topic, If you can understand how that worldview, which is so different from your own, evolved through emotional experience, then, and only then, maybe, can you find the common ground. That's what we're all looking for. Is the common ground? His partner, my sister, actually has been on the podcast a few times and Renee has pointed out very wisely that it's always about the desired outcome. What is the shared outcome In the case of all this political divisiveness?

Choosing Humanity Over Division

Speaker 1 10:05

Surely that desired outcome is not the end of democracy? There's a lot of talk about being a patriot and what that looks like, defending democracy and what that looks like. I would say, if the end goal is to preserve democracy, there is zero value to posturing and digging one's heels in deeper and using rhetoric and mudslinging and all those persuasive tactics to further the divide. Let's find the common ground, let's find the shared goal and honor that with every breath. So with the nastiness that came up yesterday, I felt the same way like oof. I just don't have the bandwidth for pettiness is how I experienced it, but also for vitriol. I just would hope in all of this and hopefully you see the connection between all of those little anecdotes and including, paraphrasing Jim, probably poorly. I do think if preserving democracy is the goal right now, in this very divisive moment, then we need to find the common ground and honor that above all else.

Speaker 1 11:05

What is democracy? Let's define that first. Well, it embodied a number of values, even if we fall short of those values. Democracy and all that it represents was rather new in the moment of the French Revolution and our revolution. It had to do with sophism and this focus on individualism, personal liberty and equanimity. Yes, we fall short of all three in the United States of America, which is one big experiment, but it doesn't mean we should abandon those philosophies that it took an entire lifetime of humanity to arrive at. To go back to something.

Speaker 1 11:40

I guess this is really end up being a call to action to embrace what Jim put out there, which is we need to return to civility, we need to be able to hash out our differences and again to honor Renee with the shared goal in mind. But also, in Jim's words, we need to be able to apply our critical thinking skills without demonizing the other or attributing ill will or ill intent or God forbid evil to them. If you can honor the backstory that led them to their current worldview which, yes, might differ from your own, that's the best way to honor their humanity and see that we're all interconnected, we're all entangled just like every particle of this universe. So I'm working on that, you know. I do think it was a fascinating microcosm.

Speaker 1 12:27

What happened yesterday of each party having their own agenda, their own subconscious desires actually, which manifested more powerfully than the conscious ones. And that's largely what I write about is how we all come into every moment with a preconceived notion or an expectation or a judgment and subconsciously those things will find a way to manifest and sometimes, if those things are at odds and they don't dovetail, things combust. So I'm going to leave it at that and actually that story, if you ever feel like reading it, is in fact something between a novelette and a novella in length and it is called Fulfillment and, yes, all these preconceived notions and judgments, and even just like listening to gossip, which creates a lens that we wear that's tarnished, that can combust, and so it has tragic consequences in fulfillment. But we can do better. We can be aware of these lenses we wear, we can be aware of the stories that inform our differing worldviews and see the humanity in that emotional story and try to honor it Again, honoring our humanity above all else. And you can add dignity, decency, civility, even simple manners to that.

Collectively Telling a New Story

Speaker 1 13:46

Well, I didn't see this coming, but I guess I'm unintentionally going to quote George Floyd from the 90s Can't we all just get along? In case the connection isn't 100% clear between my anecdotes and the thoughts that I'm sharing, especially those from Jim and Renee, when we read through comments and we're sort of vaguely aware that we have an algorithm, maybe we live in a bubble, right catered to us or being pandered to so it either confirms our biases or challenges us, mainly for engagement. If we feel outraged enough or just have too much time on our hands, then we I mean I frankly don't I don't engage with strangers at all in comment sections. I never have Life's too short and I have real relationships to maintain that are way more important than those of strangers. But I do think we're given a choice. Whenever we get a little rankled and we see again the haters online, or we see the mudslinging or the nastiness or the name-calling. That is the contrast that Abraham Hicks would speak of that allows us to fine-tune our preferences.

Speaker 1 14:55

I've made the point in the past that norms do change, you know, much slower than we would like. But those of us that are dinosaurs remember in the 70s every burgundy drape is how I put it and every hotel room smelled like smoke because it was just fine to smoke anytime anywhere, that not only would be frowned upon, now it wouldn't be legal. I then go on to say hopefully, god willing, a few years from now it'll be less than okay to talk about your shanker in public while yapping into your cell phone or your latest diagnosis, or whatever that dirty laundry is. It'll be unsavory at best to do so. I hope that with AI, exploiting artists and not compensating them for their intellectual properties will be completely frowned upon, if not illegal and legislated.

Speaker 1 15:46

So norms do change and I would think that with all the studies now about the effects on self-esteem and the mental health of young people, that the tides will turn and somehow we will mitigate the nastiness online, to say nothing of much more sinister and dire uses of social media for propaganda purposes like, for example, both foreign and domestic election interference. But right now we all have the free will to look at that contrast, as Abraham would say, and make an informed choice about whether or not we want to contribute to that noise, and we can self-regulate. That's the thing In the spirit of this podcast. We can tell our own story and collectively we can tell a new story. All right, guys, thanks for listening in and remember. Life is story and we can get our hands in the clay individually and collectively. We can tell a new story. See you next time.