Medicine, Aging, and the Myth of Dependence

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What if everything we believe about aging is wrong? What if the symptoms we chalk up to "getting older" are actually side effects of the medications prescribed to help us? This thought-provoking episode challenges the disempowering narratives we've accepted about health, aging, and our relationship with modern medicine.

The conversation between Dominick and Virginia weaves together cutting-edge science on epigenetics with practical wisdom about self-advocacy in healthcare. They discuss how our thoughts, feelings, and environment influence gene expression, giving us far more control over our health outcomes than genetic determinism would suggest. The mind-body-spirit connection emerges as a powerful framework for understanding wellness beyond the purely physical realm.

Whether you're navigating your own health journey, supporting loved ones through theirs, or simply questioning conventional wisdom about aging, this episode offers fresh perspectives on reclaiming your power in a system that often seems designed to diminish it. 

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Transcript

Speaker 1 0:45

Hey guys, welcome to Language of the Soul. Thanks so much for tuning in. Today's episode is the kind Virginia and I like best, where we just kind of pick a timely topic and riff on it. There's something that's been coming up for both of us again and again and basically she's going to share her thoughts on it and I'm going to do the same and then we're going to discuss. There's been no real discussion in advance other than establishing the topic. Simply put, I think we've all had a day where we leave the house and, through the law of attraction, whatever's going on or whatever's on our radar just gets magnified. For example, you learn a new word and then suddenly you hear it literally everywhere in the weeks to come. So it's a little bit the law of attraction, but it's also sometimes a form of confirmation bias. Things that simply just weren't on your radar seem to come out of the woodwork once you're aware of them. So this falls into that category a little bit.

Speaker 1 1:36

As the episode's title suggests, the topic today has to do with our own agency versus dependence in the context of medicine. So I won't say too much at the outset other than it's come for me lately, here and there, and I think Virginia said the same. And at a party my brother's birthday party a while back an equally inquisitive guest or maybe a philosophical guest instead of talking about rainbows and puppies or unicorns, delved into genetic determinism. Just that Always fun at a party, anyway. He voiced a pretty defeatist attitude about it, in my opinion, and he as much as said we're all damned by our DNA. So of course I was biting my tongue and I tried to gently convey that. You know, with my health challenges and medical emergencies of the past five years, I stand for the complete opposite. I stand for our agency to actually self-create, either in defiance of DNA or with a full understanding of epigenetics. I didn't preach I bit my tongue, but I will say it here.

Speaker 1 2:41

Science now confirms that we do have the agency to choose the circumstances and conditions yes, chemical and yes, environmental to express a gene or squelch it. But we also know that that culture medium of our environment includes our thoughts and feelings. They're nothing less than non-local energetic signaling all day, every day, not to mention they dictate our body chemistry in every way. We craft the quote-unquote environment that will suppress a gene or, conversely, squelch it. And there's so much more to the epigenetics conversation. Some of you know I'm dying to have a friend of mine on who's an epigenetics researcher at the forefront of the latest discoveries, and he has yet to commit. But I do know when it comes to genetic predisposition for supposedly heritable diseases and disorders. Under 5% of heritable diseases can be attributed to a single gene and those that are the product of several gene markers still require specific environmental conditions in order to express themselves or, as I said a moment ago, to conversely, be squelched.

Speaker 1 3:45

Every day we hear on the news I'm sure you have about new scientific findings. This week it's the Mediterranean diet. I mean that's part of the news I'm sure you have, about new scientific findings. This week it's the Mediterranean diet. I mean that's part of the confirmation bias I was talking about Once it was on my radar from the party whoa. The TV's on in the other room and they're talking about this Mediterranean diet. So the new study and it's a little bit like duh. You know, we've heard enough about the blue zones to know the conventional wisdoms. Anyway, it's saying the obvious, which is adhering to the Mediterranean diet can absolutely stave off Alzheimer's. Specifically, every day we're hearing about environmental factors we can control to squelch the expression of genes, especially those factors that are man-made or synthetic and therefore at odds with our body's natural wiring to maintain homeostasis. We learned about cancer-causing agents and what we can do to mitigate them. We learned about the power of antioxidants. We learned about new diet and lifestyle choices that can be implemented.

Epigenetics vs. Genetic Determinism

Speaker 1 4:41

But this episode is not about promoting homeopathy over allopathic medicine. I'm not going to preach alternative medicine. This episode is not focusing on the cottage industry devoted to living forever. At the risk of being the bearer of bad news, we're all going to die. Aging and death are natural, inevitable processes, but within reason, we do have a degree of control over the quality of our lives while we're still above ground and we are not subject to our parents' DNA. It's not hardwired, it is just a blueprint. We are wired for homeopathy that we must be dependent on you name it modern medicine, pharmaceuticals or doctors to remain above ground or even to live healthy lives. We are wired for homeostasis and self-reparation. Without demonizing any one institution, and certainly not the miracle of modern Western medicine in general. There is another story, a narrative that does not equate aging with falling apart, that does not enslave us to the pharmaceutical industry.

Speaker 1 5:52

I've started a few of these episodes by saying I don't pretend to be an expert in anything other than maybe dot. Connecting. My sense of purpose at this moment, based on my brush with death, is to offer up my worldview as it currently stands and of course, it'll continue to change, with the caveat that we have the power to reframe our narratives, the stories we're told through socialization that determine what we manifest in life. So today's topic is a little bit about that how we get to rethink the stories we're being told or spoon-fed through socialization, and realize we do have the power to tell a new story. Okay, I basically just repeated the tagline of our podcast, not just the mission statement and the premise, but the literal tagline. Okay, enough, prefacing the essay that I'm going to share, which constitutes my views, and then, as I said, virginia's going to chime in and we'll discuss.

Speaker 1 6:45

My essay starts with an anecdote. I won't issue any spoilers about the anecdote, but I will preface the preface by saying During my medical ordeal, I was forced to be my own advocate, during a pandemic, no less. As some of you have probably heard on other episodes. I lost my physician, the one who knew my case inside and out. He met me the day I entered the emergency room and was on my case for the entire 18-day stay until my discharge. He became my primary caretaker during my recovery. Then, bam, just as soon as it was safe to begin the ARV therapy that would put me on the road to recovery, I lost him to the pandemic. Lac USC was the hotbed of COVID and he was called away to the main campus being the resident infectious disease specialist.

Speaker 1 7:32

My health care stalled 100% Because our system was so impacted by the pandemic. Every one of my specialist consults stalled. Every one of my orders for you name it imaging or any kind of scan, an x-ray or an MRI or even simple blood work labs all of it stalled. I was forced to advocate for my care, to fight for every ounce of care I received, to the point of doing my own research and self-diagnosing every step of the way. I could write a book about our very broken healthcare system from fighting for coverage through complete disorganization and incompetence to doctor burnout from physicians who've simply seen too much, not to mention, in the health coverage and assistance realm, a complete ignorance around HIV and AIDS across the board. I was forced to learn so much about my own agency. Of course, doctors hate it when you do your own research. But now, with ChatGPT, I will say it's entirely possible to eliminate that human error by doing your own research, with, of course, the understanding that it's not a replacement for a medical degree.

Speaker 1 8:36

My healthcare was complicated. Monitoring and perfecting my ARV regimen in order to reach undetectable status and raise my CD4 count to human levels required monthly appointments. Initially, you're massaging your regimen and seeing what you can tolerate, basically, and each time, of course, endless labs and blood work. Also crucial was monitoring and massaging the various antibiotics I was forced to take until I was quote-unquote out of the woods. All this meant a very intimate relationship and frequent visits. They eventually spaced out so that I had regular visits only once every four months and most recently six.

Speaker 1 9:14

The point is I've probably spent more time with doctors than my aging parents or anyone I know. I've seen some shit. I've learned the hard way all the reasons a doctor may withhold vital information, some of them commendable and some not so much. I've learned that, from liability issues to being in bed with the pharmaceutical companies, western Newtonian doctors are simply not in the prevention game. They are not lifestyle counselors. Again, I don't want to throw anyone under the bus.

Speaker 1 9:43

Things are improving all the time and Eastern medicine is beginning to merge with Western. Rather than treating everything chemically through the cell wall, there's a growing awareness of the energetic superhighways in our bodies that respond to local and non-local signaling. I admire all the doctors who have treated me since my hospitalization. One of them literally discovered the AIDS virus, for God's sake, and the others have been at the forefront of AIDS research from day one. But an old adage has turned out to be true in my experience Doctors treat, but nurses heal. On more than one occasion I've delivered flowers to my salt-of-the-earth nurses. I've called them angels. Again, thank the Lord for modern medicine and for all its miraculous interventions and treatments, its prolonging lives and improving the quality of life. Advancements in Western medicine are literally the only reason I'm still alive and the future of HIV research is very promising.

Pharmaceutical Dependence Myth

Speaker 1 10:39

But in my opinion, a greater acknowledgement of the mind-body-spirit connection is where the future lies and along with it, more attention placed on lifestyle prevention rather than simply poisoning or chopping off the body part affected. Once it's too late for prevention and disease has set in, we're getting there. But what I do know for sure is this we are over-prescribing and we are overly dependent on pharmaceuticals prescribing, and we are overly dependent on pharmaceuticals. As my grandfather would say, it's a racket. The big lie, the story we're being told, is that we're dependent on drugs, treatment and our medical professionals to not just live healthy lives, but to stay alive, to stay on the planet. Nothing could be further from our true nature.

Speaker 1 11:27

The big lie is that, especially as we age, we must keep adding pharmaceuticals to our regimen, many of which interact. And here's the clincher. The fact we've been socialized to expect certain things from aging from poor eyesight and hearing loss to shuffling in age spots leaves these interactions underreported and understudied. This is the focus of today's episode, and my opening anecdote will make clear exactly why I'm driven to combat the myths around aging with every breath. Aging does not equal falling apart. Let's get that out of our heads. Full disclosure.

Speaker 1 12:04

I am a big fan of Bruce Lipton's the Biology of Belief and books like Deepak Chopra's MetaHuman. Despite their degrees and accolades, both have risked being called quacks by peers in order to be ahead of their time and buck the system. Thankfully, I don't share those risks, nor do I have a medical practice or credibility in the medical field to protect. Even so, we try to be responsible. In our assertions here on Language of the Soul, the ideas we float in the spirit of conversation, I try to reconcile any claims or representations that may at first glance seem wild or capricious with empirical evidence or, at the very least, cite sources and encourage further investigation on the part of the listener. We're certainly not in the business of promoting quackery and even less so of promulgating conspiracy theory. What we are about is choosing the stories we tell ourselves and those we adopt with full knowledge of their powers of manifestation.

Speaker 1 13:01

It's been said the study of medicine is largely the study of the placebo effect. It's also been said about food that what you put in your body is far less important than what you believe about what you put in your body. Final caveat I have no delusions about aging or death. While fighting for my own life, recovering everything from my motor skills and strength through physical therapy, to my immune system via ARVs, d3, turmeric and antioxidants, and even my cognitive abilities and executive function after conquering cryptococcal meningitis, I watched my own mother's health decline. Her two years of home hospice coincided with my recovery. I saw the very natural, divinely ordered process of death unfold like clockwork, as nature intended, though I did not know Suzanne Somers or Olivia Newton-John. I found myself, being the gay man that I am, invested in their cancer journeys. I was beyond disheartened and disillusioned when each succumbed. Having followed their journeys very closely, I'd seen how they seemed to be doing everything right, including seeking alternative treatments when all else failed and honoring the mind-body-spirit connection above all else.

Speaker 1 14:13

I don't claim to have any answers when it comes to the mysteries of life or death. I've noticed it's fashionable to look for loopholes or cracks or contradictions these days when faced with any belief system that smacks of spirituality. I'm here to say that no rational teleological system is airtight, nor does any one of them exist in a vacuum. All spiritual tenets coexist with countless other principles and forces. It's the egoic mind that wants to apply binary structure to the rational. We are not meant to live forever, at least in the physical realm. We'll save any discussions about the eternal nature of consciousness for another episode. I don't claim to know why the circle of life is set up the way it is, but what I do know is that wellness is available until we transition From Blue Zones to Jane Fonda. We're surrounded by examples that defy disempowering tropes about aging and death, that redefine what it means to age, replacing decline with continued intellectual curiosity, brain plasticity and relevance. We've seen societies shift toward affording our loved ones the dignity to choose how and under what circumstances they will pass this agency. This dignity, is what this podcast episode is about. Okay, without further ado, here's my portion, and I look forward to Virginia chiming in.

Speaker 1 15:38

I hit 50 without having any health issues. For years I'd watched my peers and said perhaps too often that shit hits the fan at 50. And yet until that milestone, I hadn't really seen signs of aging in myself. Then life threw me a curveball. I landed in the hospital with full-blown AIDS, accompanied by a litany of life-threatening secondary infections and sepsis. My body was shutting down. A month after discharge, I was able to start antiretroviral therapy ARVs and begin the long road to recovery. The lingering effects of AIDS, combined with the symptoms of living with HIV itself, continued to plague me. Compounding this were side effects from both the ARVs and the ass-kicking antibiotics I was forced to take until I was out of the proverbial woods, meaning viral load, undetectable, cd4 count.

Personal Health Journey with HIV

Speaker 1 16:31

Restored Together, the cocktail proved debilitating. Disabling Expected were the relentless insomnia, nausea, diarrhea, depletion and exhaustion. But on top of that I experienced everything from myalgia and arthralgia to neuropathy, joint pain and bone loss. I underwent skin cancer excisions and reconstructive surgeries, but those were not drug-related, I was repeatedly told the side effects above were age-related changes. On the rare occasion I groaned about my aches and pains to a friend, they were quick to minimize by saying Don't I know it, aging sucks. This from folks who knew of my medical ordeal. I resisted using any analogy to do with apples and oranges, and my lip was surely bruised from biting. The thing is, I was hearing the same from my own doctors, rather than giving credence to my claims that you name it my disabling joint pain or bone loss, myalgia, arthralgia or neuropathy were side effects, the same ones identified in both published studies and on the websites of the pharmaceutical companies themselves. I was regularly reminded that I was over half a century. Thanks, doc. I'm surely not the first patient to cry, but I know my body. I'm surely not the first patient to cry, but I know my body.

Speaker 1 17:50

It was beyond clear to me that my debilitating insomnia was a product of my mandatory drug cocktail yes, the one that was keeping me alive. At one point, all four of them cited insomnia and joint pain as side effects. I was regularly told that the drug in question was well tolerated and a very small percentage of patients responded with whatever side effect I'd brought up, my standard reply was to wave my hands in the air and cry well, count me in, I'm right here, I'm your anecdotal evidence. I would, of course, spend considerable time prefacing that. I'm the furthest thing from a hypochondriac, and if I complain about something debilitating, it's very real. In the case of the insomnia, of course, there was mention of sleep aids. Having a very healthy fear of them, I declined.

Speaker 1 18:35

My goal was to be on fewer drugs, not more. The havoc that the antibiotics alone had wreaked on my body 18 days, mind you, of intravenous antibiotics, followed up by the two that I simply could not get off until a year and a half out or until I'd reached a CD4 count of 250, had done me in in a number of ways. When I broke my leg while walking, I fully understood that it was a liability issue that prevented the doctor from admitting the ARVs I had been put on. The two most powerful in existence were responsible for my significant bone loss, the osteolytic lesion and cortical component. My own research yielded a class action lawsuit over the issue and yet it was never mentioned to me.

Speaker 1 19:18

I was indeed grateful to be alive, but there was a cost. On the few occasions when I mentioned my neuropathy, the suggestion was gabapentin. After speaking to a paraplegic friend who had been on it for years, I declined. One simply grows habituated and the dosage has to be upped. And again, my goal was to be dependent on fewer drugs, not more. After seeing their effects on my body, to return to the perfect health I'd enjoyed for 50 plus years. As much as was possible while living with HIV. All of my hunches turned out to be correct. Once I was finally able to get off of the antibiotics, meaning my CD4 count had reached 250 and or a year and a half had passed and I was no longer in danger of certain secondary infections.

Speaker 1 20:05

Many of my side effects magically resolved as suspected. Any prideful impulse to say I told you so or to hold anyone responsible for the misinformation or, more accurately, for the withholding of information, was always trumped by gratitude. I'm just glad to be alive was the mantra. I mentioned early on that in all my hours with my physicians I had learned a lot about the physician-patient relationship. I mentioned that some of the reasons for withholding information were commendable and others not so much. I'll leave you to make what you will of my anecdotes, to connect whatever dots you're inclined to connect, but I do want to return to those symptoms that were chalked up simply to aging. I didn't buy the dismissals or the road attribution of my side effects to aging not for a minute. I had never had so much as a headache or a paper cut over the years. All of these side effects coincided precisely with my diagnoses and the treatments I was receiving. The correlation, or, more aptly, the causality, was clear as day. This realization became the premise and the reason for writing this essay To challenge how we define quote normal aging and to examine the often invisible influence of medical intervention on our bodies.

Aging Myths vs. Side Effects

Speaker 1 21:21

We tend to accept certain changes in the body as inevitable markers of aging Fading skin, slowing steps, senior moments, the brown patches that bloom on our hands and cheeks. Doctors tell us it's natural, culture reinforces it, but we rarely question it. What if much of what we call quote-unquote aging isn't strictly biological at all? What if it's a story written in part by the medications we are prescribed to protect us? I'm going to give you a silly, low-stakes example. Take calcium and vitamin D3, two staples in the senior prescription arsenal. Their purpose is clear to ward off fractures and osteoporosis. But after beginning such regimens, many people notice changes to their skin, subtle darkening spots they haven't seen before. These shifts are often dismissed as just age spots, the result of sun damage accumulated over decades. But what if they're not? What if they're side effects overlooked, underreported and hidden in plain sight behind cultural conditioning that tells us to expect them anyway?

Speaker 1 22:34

This is not to demonize pharmaceuticals. They save lives, they ease pain, they extend longevity. But in older adults especially, the sheer volume of prescriptions 5, 10, sometimes 15 drugs taken daily creates a fog in which cause and effect are confounded. Fatigue from statins, dizziness from blood pressure pills, brittle bones from acid blockers, brain fog from sleep aids these are all well documented. Yet how often are they chalked up to nothing more than the passing of time? Meanwhile, the body's own design to maintain balance, to recalibrate, to repair, goes overlooked.

Speaker 1 23:16

We've been conditioned to believe that without medical intervention our health will crumble. But perhaps the opposite is true, that in layering on interventions we sometimes erode the body's remarkable capacity for homeostasis. This isn't a call to throw away prescriptions en masse. It's a call to question, to ask our physicians do I still need this? What are its hidden costs? Could this new symptom be traced back to a medication rather than being a marker of aging? And, on a cultural level, to stop conflating the biology of getting older with the side effects of managing it, because if we don't, we risk medicalizing not just our health but our very understanding of what it means to grow old. Okay, thank you so much for listening, and I'm now going to invite Virginia into the virtual room here to chime in. Hello Virginia.

Speaker 2 24:13

Thank you, nick. As you were talking, what really stood out to me is how much of the conversation isn't just about our physical health, but about our mental and emotional health. Viktor Frankl, in A Man's Search for Meaning, reflected on this during his time in the concentration camps. Everyone was undernourished, everyone was sick, treatment was minimal, if it existed at all, and yet some survived, while others did not. The difference came down to meaning and mindset, as Frankel put it. Quote when we are no longer able to change a situation, we are challenged to change ourselves. End quote. These people who endured found something to live for a purpose. A situation we are challenged to change ourselves. End quote. These people who endured found something to live for a purpose, a belief, a vision of themselves beyond the suffering.

Speaker 2 24:56

That's why I believe so strongly that our stories and our mental health are inseparable from our physical well-being. Stress, hopelessness, resignation these weigh on the immune system just as powerfully as viruses or bacteria. If we accept the stories that aging equals decline or that medication is our only lifeline, our bodies respond accordingly. I've seen this in my own family. My stepdaddy dentist suffered from ulcerative colitis in the 80s and 90s when treatment was mostly steroid based. The steroids caused weight gain. Corrective surgeries led to scar tissue and over time his health unraveled into gout, fibromyalgia and chronic pain. By the end he was on fentanyl patches and oxycodone just to function. But what I've never forgotten is that when he found meaning and purpose, when his grandchildren became the center of his life, or when my mom and I first came into his world, his resilience on medication lessened. He was more engaged, more present and the cycle of dependency lightened. When purpose slipped away, the medication stacked up again. I saw the same thing, similar, with my mom. When she was connected, engaged and still living with a sense of hope, she hardly touched medication. But toward the end of her life, when hopelessness and depression settled in, the pill bottles multiplied. That decline wasn't physical, it was emotional, it was spiritual. Even now I see in my clients some absolutely need medication and I will never deny its life-saving power. But for others the work is about finding ways to confront external pressures and internal conflicts with as little reliance on pharmaceuticals as possible, because when we only lean on the pill we risk becoming complacent, we risk losing the agency.

Speaker 2 26:55

Frankel was pointing to the capacity to change ourselves when we cannot change the circumstances, and I think that's why conversations like this matter, because aging is inevitable. And I think that's why conversations like this matter. Because aging is inevitable, death is inevitable. Frankl didn't shy away from that reality. He wrote about grief, loss and death as part of life. Fear is what corrodes us most, not aging itself. If, instead, we can embrace aging as a chapter filled with wisdom, with new dimensions, with continued growth, then we gain freedom.

Speaker 2 27:29

I'm turning 50 this year and, yes, my body doesn't heal as quickly as it once did. I don't bounce back like I did when I was 20, because hormones shift, biology changes. But slower healing doesn't mean no healing. I may not have the stamina of my younger years, but that doesn't mean I'm in decline.

Speaker 2 27:48

Our brains, too, adapt, Even as they prune synapses and change pathways. With age they find new routes. Cognitive sharpness may take more effort, but it's still available if we stay engaged, curious and open. So to me, this is where medicine, meaning and mindset intersect. We can honor the biological realities of aging and still reject the deficit stories. We may not be as fast or as agile as we were at 20, but with purpose, ability and resilience we can remain vital. We can live in a way that keeps us close to our potential, even as our body changes. That's the heart of what Frankel taught us that when the situation cannot be changed, the change must come from within. And that, to me, is how we face both aging and death not with fear, but with dignity, agency and meaning.